i miss you hon


“I swear…I won’t stop no matter what. I’ll keep on walking as long as I live!”
 Allen Walker | The Exorcist | Birthday gift for my sweet Pri!! @allenswalkers 

“Sabi nila mahirap daw magmahal ng isang anon blogger. Pero ang magkaroon ng kaibigan? Mahirap din ba?”

Masasabi kong masarap magkaroon ng mga kaibigan na anon blogger dito sa tumblr? Kasi madalas kahit hindi mo alam yung tunay na name nila, yung tunay na muka nila, yung tunay na ugali nila at yung tunay na pagkatao nila eh sila pa itong mas nakakaintindi sayo madalas at nakakasabay mo pa sa mga trip mo dito sa tumblr. Dito kasi sa tumblr madalas para ka lang nasa night life dahil sa mga anon bloggers. May mga makikilala ka sa kanila na hindi mo man lang alam kung sino ba talaga sila o kung ano ba sila kapag wala sa night life. Pero para sakin, masaya talaga magkaroon ng anon blogger friends kahit minsan nakakatakot ng magtiwala dahil alam niyo naman ang panahon ngayon, lalo na dito sa tumblr? Hay nako, madami na kasing mga fake, plastic at mangloloko (pero hindi lahat). Ang masakit lang talaga yung kapag nag deact yung anon friend mo, kasi wala ka man lang clue kung paano mo siya hahanapin at makakausap ulit. Eh kasi ang alam mo lang ay yung ginamit niya na name, url at kung sino siya sayo dito sa tumblr. Madalas ang problema pa sa mga anon bloggers ay hindi nila ibinibigay yung personal information nila. May iba’t ibang dahilan kung bakit nila ginagawa yun kaso ang unfair lang talaga. Kapag nawala na yung anon friend mo dito sa tumblr para kang nawalan ng isang pencil o ballpen na swerte sayo sa tuwing ikaw ay kumukuha ng exam. Maswerte ka kung meron ka mga tunay na anon friends, Dahil madalas sila pa itong marunong rumespeto sayo at yung alam mong totoo sayo, nakaharap ka man o nakatalikod.

anonymous asked:

Can you do 12 & 18 for Shawn or harry, whichever one you have more inspo for

Authors Note:

Requested || Based off of #12 & 18 prompt found here 

“I’m pregnant.” .. “It’s okay to cry…”

He lives for being free, touring the world, singing, and doing what he loves the most, performing to his fans, there is absolutely nothing he would rather be doing. Even after five long years, five albums, and many achieved awards, he is still as lively, and as happy as ever, not to mention— married and loving it. 

You’re always jet setting to many places around the world, it is at a point where you spend more time in other countries and cities than you do your own. 

You and Shawn have joked about selling the house because the two of you spend more time in airports and in hotels that you are barely at the house, in fact, his little sister has basically moved in, taking the guest bedroom and making it her own when the two of you are away. Shawn was apprehensive about her being on her own, but he had to learn how to loosen up and not be the over protective older brother, at eighteen, you assured him that she would be fine house sitting the house. You both always managed to call her daily to check up on her despite her parents doing the same thing. 

You also quite like that Aaliyah has taken over the guest room, you love having her around when you are actually home, she is like your adopted teenager that you love to death. 

The hotel room is quiet and cosy as you stay curled up between the white duvet, snuggling into the freshly scented covers, Shawn’s figure standing at the window that has the view of the city—a view he has struggled to pull his eyes from. 

“I think we need an apartment with a view like this, what do yeh say?” He peers over his shoulder to look over at you with his darling smile and bright eyes, “Breakfast on a patio, overlooking the Eiffel tower, I think that is a wonderful idea. Wouldn’t you like to wake up to crepes, strawberries, croissants, Tartine, and a café au lait?” He names off a few of the wonderful choices of foods’ he has managed to taste in the short time he has been in France. 

You screw your nose up for a moment, burying your nose into the covers, the thought of food not settling too well with you. 

“Mhm, lovely.” You lie, not wanting to even think about Croissant aux abricots, Pain au chocolat, or whatever other kind of buttery pastry and jam that Shawn is more than likely thinking of at the moment. 

He shuffles away from the extended window, striding towards the bed, “Okay, what’s up with you? Usually, you are begging me to go with you to try new breakfast things. You don’t even seem remotely interested at the moment.” Shawn stands at the foot of the bed, cocking his head to the side as you continue to snuggle up to the covers. 

“Just tired,” you mumble, 

His brows knit in a frown, “Hmm, you sure? You kinda look a bit… off." 

With a heavy sigh you speak, "Thank you for saying I look terrible, Shawn.” you mutter, watching as he instantly shakes his head, “Don’t bother justifying yourself,” you chuckle, calmly amused by the expression painted across his face. 

He sighs and curls his lips into a pout, “I didn’t mean it like that, you know I always think you look beautiful." 

"You have to say that, you married me. Don’t you have a Q&A to get to?” you change the subject, not wanting to really discuss the fact that he always thinks you look stunningly beautiful, even when you are dressed in nothing by a pair of pyjama pants, and an oversized t-shirt, with your hair a mess. 

To him, you are everything he loves, no matter how you look. 

“I do,” he nods, “You trying to get rid of me?” he raises a brow, crossing his arms over his chest, 

“Nope, just askin’.” You respond, watching as he moves away from the foot of the bed and makes his way over towards his jacket that is draped over the chair. 

He hums as he grabs his jacket, sliding it up his length arms, “You wanna come? It is a short Q&A before my concert, I don’t even have a meet and greets today.” He informs you, flashing you his bright eyes that denote that he really wants you to attend, even if he won’t say it. 

Keep reading

I’m Seeing the Pain, Seeing the Pleasure (Jack Wilder Smut)

All you dirty birdies waiting so patiently for this. I apologize. I’d get ideas, start writing and then lose focus. SO, here it is. If it’s not up to par. Request another one, round two could always get better. ;D


It had been months since you heard the tragic news about your boyfriend. His friends not giving you any other kind of information about what had happened during that car chase. You were at work when it was broadcasted on the television. Your heart stopping and the plates of food you were carrying had slipped from your hands as they announced Jack Wilder has died. No other voice rang louder in your head than the voice on the television, the words repeating, practically screaming in your brain.

You knew what the Four Horsemen were up to for the most part, you were kept in the loop. You knew the truth behind the scandals before they were brought into the light and you weren’t sure if it had to deal with the fact that you knew a few magic tricks of your own or if you were just dragged into it because you were dating Jack. Either way, it was exciting to watch their plans unfold rather than imagine it with their figurines of their plan.

But, Jack wasn’t supposed to die. He wasn’t supposed to be harmed and for a while you resented Danny, Hensley, and Merrick. Refusing to talk to them, not allowing a single ounce of your attention be thrown their way. You were hurt and wanted time to grieve over the loss of your boyfriend.

So, here you were anchored down on your couch with a thick dark blanket surrounding you as you sat in complete and total darkness. The shades were drawn and the only light that made its way into your apartment was the little sliver of sunshine that your black curtains couldn’t hide. It was gut wrenching as the little sliver of light shone down on a picture of Jack and you. You attempted to smile but it hurt so much to think of a time where he was actually in front of you.

Your head turned as your answering machine beeped to signal that someone had just left a voicemail. You made a point to turn down the volume of the ringing because the only people that would call you would be the three remaining Horsemen.

Hey, Y/N. Just wanted to check up on you. Haven’t been answering any of our calls…..we’d really appreciate it if you’d just give us a ring to let us know how you’re feeling. We miss you, hon.”

“I think it’s important that you call us back, we’ve been trying to give you information that’ll help you with this whole grieving process. Please, Y/N.”

“Or you could at least meet up with us, I could make the hurt go away and you’d feel nothing but happiness-wow-I should have worded that differently. So sorry for that mental image you probably just got there. I meant I could make you forget-not that you’d ever want to forget –“

“-what Merrick’s trying to say is that we don’t want you to hurt and we’ve got really important things to tell you. So please, Y/N, call us back.”

You groaned, leaning your head back on the couch. Nothing they could say would take away the pain of his absence. Pulling the blanket tighter over your body, you settled into a position that would allow you to sleep off the remaining heartache. Just as you found that perfect spot, a loud knock rattled your door. Groaning again, you threw off the blanket, trudging your way to the door. Cursing for a moment at the fact that you had no peephole. This was New York City, what kind of apartment complex doesn’t gift their tenants with a peephole?

Slinging the door open, you narrowed your eyes. Expecting to find the three Horsemen but instead you were met with a face you had so desperately tried to get over. Stumbling backwards, your heart stopped. “Jack?” You murmured, tears falling down your face as you reached out for him.

“Hey, babe.” He croaked, very upset with your appearance. You had lost a bit of weight since he had last seen you and your eyes were so sunken in, he hardly recognized you.

“What? How is this? Jack?” Your fingers touched his shoulder, pulling back to find solid flesh behind your fingertips. “You’re alive?”

Jack made way into your apartment, shutting the door behind him. Taking no time in embracing you because that’s all you needed as your body collapsed against his with body shaking sobs. You weren’t sure how long you two were pressing against the wall on the floor but it did feel like an awfully long time of you crying your heart out.

You rubbed your eyes, shaking your head, completely torn that he faked his death. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I wanted to tell you, I really did but they-“

“-I thought you were dead, Jack. What the fuck.”

“I know, I know.” He pulled you into his chest, savoring the feeling of having you against him after so many months of hiding in the shadows and watching you drag on. He kissed the top of your head, squeezing you tight, signaling that he was never going to let you go. “I’m not even supposed to be here but I can’t stand knowing you’re depressed, babe. I’m not going anywhere, I’m going to stay right here until I have to go.”

“Please don’t go.” You whimpered out.

“Shh, babe.” Bringing your chin up with his fingers, he kissed you. His mouth planting small tiny kisses among yours. He hoisted you up, making you straddle him as he deepened the kiss. His hands reaching up to grab hold of your hair, careful to stay gentle, knowing that you were still in a fragile state. You could feel the tension as he let his hand travel down your sides, and in that moment, you were too involved with him touching you to be upset with him.

Your hands found his chest while your lower body grinded against him, half way smiling to hear him groan out. Your tongues battled while you unzipped his jacket, your hands pulling at the hem of his shirt. You needed to feel his skin against yours, it was the only thing that you needed to get over all the hurt. 

You felt like an animal as you tore off his top, your hands roaming over the places they hadn’t touched in forever. It felt new again, a little thrilling as you hungrily attached your lips to his collarbone. Kissing and nipping at his skin. His hand grabbed your hips for a moment, shifting underneath you. You squealed out as he threw you back, his body scrambling up to close the space in between.

Jack swung you into the wall, your body colliding harshly against it but it was no longer on your mind as he growled against your lips. His breaths becoming shallow as he roughly tore off your sweatshirt. His hands cupping your breasts, squeezing them lightly as his lips detached from yours. His tongue ran down your neck, making you shiver against the air that blew down from the vent on his wet trail. Shuddering in pleasure as his mouth found the sensitive nub, pulling with his teeth as his other hand trailed down to your pants.

You whined as he teased you, running his finger along your waistband. No words were exchanged but he knew what you wanted and he always had the habit of never letting you have it. But, this situation was different. The neediness of skin to skin was becoming more and more desperate his he yanked down your pants. 

Hissing as he stared at you. Admiring what he saw. He always thought you were beautiful, whether or not you were self conscious about your body. He’d love your body whatever shape and size it was. Rushing back to attack your lips, you melted in his embrace, satisfied that your mouth would be bruised from the passionate kissing. 

Jack pressed against you, you gasping at the feeling of his member digging at your thigh. It was a foreign feeling and it was a feeling you truly missed. You and Jack were like rabbits before, always finding different spots and ways to pleasure each other. But since months had passed, you felt nervous as if it was your first time again. 

He hoisted you up against the wall, his arm hooking around your leg as he used the other to pull down his pants. Jack was wasting no time, he needed you. Jack spent days watching you sulk around the city, walking like a zombie through the streets. He wanted to take your pain away by giving you what you needed most, him.

Pushing aside your underwear, he dove in. You shrieking out in a mix of pain and pleasure. It really had been a long time since you had any kind of intimacy in general. Digging your nails into his arms, you arched your back to allow him to sink in deeper. A sharp intake of breath with a moan attached to it left your lips. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he slammed himself into you. Creating the perfect rhythm to your moans. His finger found its way to your bundle of nerves, rubbing it vigorously as he pumped his way into you. Loving the way you sounded at his doing. It sounded like music to his ears as he pulled out quickly,spinning you around, your face was against the wall as he drove full force back into your opening. 

Again, you squealed out but there was no pain this time, only pleasure. You braced yourself against the wall with your hands as he gripped your hips to help his momentum. “Jack,” you moaned out, your breathing becoming uneven as he hit the of nerves just right. Over and over again. It was building up quickly as his fingers dug into your skin, signaling that he too was about to come undone. He 

Crying out, you begged him to come inside of you. Collapsing into the wall as you felt your release explode, creating millions of little tiny tingles shoot every which way in your body. You sighed in content as he started to get sloppy, his rhythm starting to become quicker and before you knew it, he was limp against you. His thumb running over your shoulder as he trailed kisses all the way down your spine before spinning you around to hug you. 

“Don’t ever leave me again,” you mumbled, squeezing him tight.

“I won’t, babe. Ever again.” 

anonymous asked:

Recommend me some blogs?

Omg, I never mention all the people I want to and I always feel so bad about it, so please, bare with me. Here’s just a quick ramble of the people I talk with the most. 

@illuminateshawn my best friend and the sister I never had but always wanted. She posts vids and pics and I’m her biggest fan and you need to follow her because I say so. I love this one more than I love Shawn and that says a lot. 

@illumendes the sexiest ass in town and I love her and her ass very much though she’s kinda a bitch but she’s my main bitch and my fave bitch so it’s ok i love her very much! No but really, I love you it’s a joke. You’re the best sis 

@shit-to-kinda-okay is literally a fucking ray of sunshine and if i had the next 12 hours to talk about her I would, but I kinda got things to do. She’s such a pure heart and soul and I just love her with all my being and so will you and you won’t even notice you’re being sucked in. ALSO HER VIDS MAKE ME SOB 

@saysweartogod EMILY IS A FUCKING BITCH FOR BREAKING MY HEART AND LEAVING ME but she’s also like the prettiest, sweetest and most supporting little thing I know and I hate to admit the fact that I love her the most and she’s like my guilty pleasure without the guilty really (i stalk ya and i’m proud) and she just deserves hugs and candy and i love this one very much i can barely breathe. 



@thesmutofthemendes I’m a fan, like I’m such a fan and she’s so cool and I’ll never be that cool but she rocks and I’m here for this and for her. 

But my heart also really love and cares for @shawnsleo @takeiteasyonmyheart (i miss you hon) @shawmato @mentally-in-canada @lifeofasurvivor @illuminatedshawn @latteshawn @ximperfectxx because they’re all super love and sweet and I love seeing them on my dash

Also shoutout to all the amazing people I haven’t been able to post, because honestly I care so much for every single one slipping into my messages and my asks and I’m such a stan for them. Check out the people I follow, because the rest of the awesome blogs are in there and I just always feel so bad for not being able to write down every single blog and I always feel like I forget like 204 blogs that I adore and talk to so much too…. 


Happy 5 years of the selection! (tag)

put when you joined and how the series impacted you!!

thanks @krisspiaria for tagging me (I’m sorry if anyone else tagged me and I missed it)! 

When I joined: Let’s see if I remember this right. I’ve talked about it before and I don’t want to miss out on the details, but I was on vacation from college, the first long vacation I had in a while. Early 2013, I think. I had already hear of the TV series and I was dying to read the story that got a TV show even before the book came out. Read it in a weekend and totally regretted it. I loved The Selection and was dying for the second book.  

How the series has impacted me: Well, first, the story really got me. I’m a slow reader and when I fly through the pages, I know I have something good. I love Aspen, if you follow me and know me at all you know this. So, I just needed to keep reading to hear more about him. I felt his pain, I felt his love. After reading, I decided to deal with the wait for the next book by creating a Tumblr page just for this series. I had no intentions on getting followers, I just wanted a place to talk about this dear book since I had no friends who had read it. Tumblr never fails to gather the lost ones, does it? I found here a community of passionate people who have fangirled with me, supported my silly edits when I didn’t even have photoshop and just talked to me. With that said, The Selection is the reason I got Photoshop, it inspired me to learn how to edit, even if it was just the basics. 

Now about the people I’ve met, let me just talk about @partylikeawordstar  Kiera Cass here. I have never interacted with an author as much as I have with this woman. It always amazes me whenever I see her doing that. From ups and downs to Happy birthday wishes, from rebbloging to joining in on our tags, she’s always been here with me somehow and I very much appreciate that.

Oh, the friends I made. I love you all and I’ll tag you bellow. 

Special Thanks and Tag: I need to thank these blogs for all the support in my ride:

@lorelaikillmore I love you, girl.

@krisspiaria Meu benzinho! Obrigada por ter tanta paciencia comigo! 

@beangirl1389 I miss you, hon!

@illea-capital-report Emily! My blog sister. The one who was there with me since the beginning. You’re amazing. 

@savelapis Becks, my dear.

@aspenlleger I got you, you get me.

Special mention to the inspiring: @thequeenofillea @celesteschreave @marleeandcarter @eadlynschreaveofillea

And my best wishes for these marvelous followers: all of you! I can’t say enough how happy I am to have so many people to share my love for this book with. I’m eternally grateful to @partylikeawordstar for bringing us together.

I’m sure there’s a lot more people to tag here. I’m sorry if I left anyone out. I miss hanging out with you guys. 

anonymous asked:

Name three friends you miss right now and what you most want to say to them! (This isn't an order or a command, this is just a get to know you thing)

Well, let’s see…
I miss you too, hon. I’m sorry I can’t help right now.
You’re doing so great! I love you and your work, keep it up!
Don’t think I forgot about you, sweetie. Hang in there!
I honestly hope that, whatever it is I did, you can forgive me someday. I still love you and your work, and everything you do, much like so many other people!

I know it was 3, but I still feel teh loff. XD

 “Love From A Letter”

Pairing: Dean x Reader
Characters: Sam
Summary: Dean had an elementary PenPal whom he actually kept in contact with. He slowly starts to fall in love with the reader, even when he doesn’t know her in person. Then, they bump into each other and finally meet in person.
Note: This is idea isn’t mine. The credit goes to one of my followers who had this idea and shared it with me. I will put the link to the page as well if you guys want to follow them! Anyways, thank you for the idea, Hon.

I miss talking to you, Dean.” Your message made Dean smile as he read it.  

He sighed quietly and looked at the screen again, wondering what you were doing and if you really missed him. As much as he would like to ignore it, he couldn’t deny the feelings that surfaced up every time he talked to you. He found it quite ridiculous that the only girl he’s ever been in love with was across the country and didn’t know him in person. Part of him liked moving from school to school because that way he got his PenPal friend, someone that became so important to him. He couldn’t believe that you guys kept in touch after so long.

Sorry, Sweetheart. I’ve been very busy lately. You know that I’m rarely home.” Dean replied quickly. ”But I miss you too, Y/N.” He sent the last part a minute later after you didn’t answer.

On the other hand, you looked at the message and smiled softly. This guy drove you insane, but you loved him as crazy as that sounded. Your friends say that what you’re feeling isn’t real because you can’t possibly like someone who you don’t even know in person. You’ve seen pictures of him though, a few at least. How could you not be in love with those beautiful eyes of him? And his smile as well.

“Yeah, yeah..” You replied, but it made you happy to know that he missed you as much as you missed him.

“What are you doing hon?” Dean replied seconds after you sent the last message.

“I’m going to go eat. It’s been a long day and I’m kind of hungry lol.” You replied as you sat entered a small place that sold hamburgers and pizzas.

You looked around quickly, not really paying attention to your surroundings. You took a seat next to the window as your phone vibrated which indicated that Dean had just replied. You took your phone out again, looking at the message.

“Hey, me too.” Dean replied.

Meanwhile, Sam stared at Dean who was smiling at the phone again. “Let me guess, Y/N?”

Dean looked up, his smile fading and clearing his throat. “Wh—What? No.” He looked down at his cheeseburger with fries and took a fry. “I was just, um… Yah, I was talking to her.” Again his smile couldn’t be helped at all.

Sam chuckled. “Have you ever thought of meeting her in person?”

Dean nodded. “All the time, but I don’t know if she would like, you know? And plus, I’m… I don’t know, Sam.”

He would get freaked out that if he met you in person, something would happen and you would end up hurt or who knows, maybe it wouldn’t be what you expected. There were many things that traveled through his mind when he thought about meeting you in person.

Sam looked at the girl sitting by the window, picking up the phone after Dean would send a message. She looked awfully familiar, sort of like Dean’s friend.

Sam looked at Dean, wondering if he should say anything. “Where does Y/N live again?”

“Oregon, but I know she’s traveling right now.” Dean answered.

“Really? Where to?”

Dean stayed quiet. “Here.” He finally answered, wondering again if he should tell you to meet up.

Sam cleared his throat. “Alright… What if she was here?”

“Here? Here?” Dean asked, putting his phone down.

“Look behind you, Dean. There’s a girl sitting over there by the window. She’s alone and she looks a lot like the girl in the picture you showed me once.” Sam explained his whole questioning.

Dean’s stomach felt the whole zoo inside throwing a party as he turned around slowly. He didn’t want to be disappointed but he couldn’t help feeling like that every time he thought about seeing you for the very first time.

“Y/N…” Dean spoke quietly as he got up and walked over the girl who was sitting by the window. He couldn’t control his legs; they were just taking him to you. When he finally got there, you looked up at him and the whole entire world froze.

Without thinking twice, you got up and looked at the man in front of you. Was this real or a dream? Who knows, it seemed surreal to finally have him in front of you.

There was no exchange in words yet. All you guys could do was look at each other and examine the moment, trying to figure out of this was really happening.

“Dean?” You finally spoke up and for the very first time, Dean heard your voice.

He didn’t say anything, instead he just embraced you. So many years had gone by and the moment was finally coming true. You quickly hugged him back tightly, burying your head in his neck. The hug felt so nice and warm. Being in his arms felt right, period. Like if you belonged in them.

“What are you doing here?” Dean whispered, finally pulling away and looking at your face again. Your pictures were beautiful but to him you were even more mesmerizing in person.

“I honestly don’t know.” You answer him, always being honest with him.

It was the truth, you didn’t know what you were doing in this place and at this time. All you knew was that you were hungry and for an odd reason nothing else seemed appealing but this place.

Dean smiled, making you melt. He was still holding you, but not as close. “I’m glad you did.”

“I can’t believe this is the way we’re finally meeting.” You giggle slightly and look away, feeling your cheeks turning red.

Dean smiled, loving your giggle. “It happens. Stay here, I’m going to send my brother back and I’ll come and sit with you, okay?” Dean suddenly remembered he was here with Sam.

You smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

And for hours you guys stayed in that small restaurant, talking to each other about many things, random, personal, stuff you guys already knew. It was finally time to say goodbye. The place was closing and Dean would soon have to leave, since their job here was done.

“Dean can I tell you something but you promise to not freak out?” You ask him and look up at him, biting down on your lip.

“Anything, sweetheart.” Dean answered, handing you his jacket as you guys walked out into the cold.

You smile at the sweet gesture, but look at him. “You’re not cold?”

Dean shook his head. “Was that what you wanted to tell me?” He chuckled.

You shake your head no, “No, of course not.” You laugh and look down. “I just need to be honest with you now that I know you’re real!” You try to joke about the last part.

Dean chuckles and looks around before stopping. “What is it?”

You look at him and sigh. “Is it that crazy that I have feelings for you? I just met you, but we’ve been friends forever and I didn’t think it could ever happen and I know it can’t happen because yo—”

His lips interrupted you and you weren’t anywhere near being done with what you had to say. Yet, it didn’t bother because you have dreamed of this moment for the longest time ever and it was finally happening. So, you didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, moving your lips along with his; perfect sync.

“I know how you feel.” Dean whispered against your lips, surprising himself because he was about to tell you how felt as well. “I fell in love through our letters, our messages, with the picture of you.” Dean sighed, pulling away. “I thought I was crazy because I didn’t know you and I was in love with you.”

“I’m not crazy then?” Your arms were wrapped around him, and your eyes were staying on his, searching his eyes for an answer.

“Of course not.” Dean answered. “But you know the way I live..”

“And I accept it, Dean. I’m not demanding anything from you. I just needed to know you felt the same way.” You smile softly at him but your heart breaks as he reminds you of his reality.

“We’ll find a way back one day.” Dean whispers.

anonymous asked:

I'm not submitting a name, I just don't know who to talk to about this and I want someone to hear it and I have very few followers, so I thought you might see it. I'm recovered from an eating disorder, but I miss my bones and how skinny I was. even though I don't hate how I look now. I want it back, but I don't want it to ruin my life like it did the first time. I've started restricting recently, and I want to lose weight. I just hate that I'm knowingly doing this to myself.

I’m sorry hon, it’s normal to miss how you looked when in recovery. It’s also normal for relapses to happen while in the stage of recovery. If you’re, I guess the right term would be.. unsatisfied with the weight you’re at right now, instead of restricting (as addicting as it is) try doing light exercises in the morning and evening every other day xx And of course eating healthy will take you a long way x Please stay safe hon 🌸💜