Here goes. This is the weakest I’ll ever be with you. I’ve missed you. Some days not all. But I was fine, I was doing really okay and I think every time I’m doing my best that’s when you come and fuck it all up. You were a huge disappointment. You repeatedly let me down on days I needed you most, where I needed you to comfort me and just love me. You were not there for the longest time. So you can see why it’s hard to trust you again? Telling me I’m the one does not convince me as much as I want it to it doesn’t because you’ve crushed that hope of mine that YOU were the one and I was that to you. Because you don’t treat people that way you don’t when you’re in love with them. I can’t tell if I miss the idea of you or if I miss you. I’ve been crying a lot because you give me so much anxiety and I’m afraid of making the wrong decision. I hate that you’re doing this while you’re not here because I just want to see you I want to yell at you I want to hug you and I want to kiss you but I can’t. And the anxiety is eating me alive because I want to just call you and talk to you about everything. You know me I’m the kind of person that needs to deal with things at that moment. And I can’t do that yet. I’m really terrified. I don’t think it’s because I’m Afraid of how much I think I love you but how much you’ll hurt me next. Let’s face it, you’ll hurt me again. You do not know the pain I felt losing my best friend so many times and me always being so good to you. And now I leave for 2 Months and now I don’t want to anymore because I want to stay with you. What does that say about me really? That I let any person control my life? I want you to call I want you to talk to me I want you to annoy me because I really don’t want to stop talking until you come why can’t you fucking see that? You’re proving everything I’ve said about you and you don’t seem to care. and it hurts. You brought back all this pain and anxiety you don’t see that either. Im thinking about how I felt when you left every time, how you literally broke me. There’s no other way than to describe it that way. The night I called you drunk was because this guy kissed me and I instantly left and went home and collapsed onto the floor and just cried. All i wanted was you. It made me sick to my stomach kissing someone else. Im trying to believe you. Im trying to believe you’re different I just don’t see how that is true or how you will prove it. I think the number thing I hate about myself is that I am a pushover. I will always forgive you and I hate that. I hate that Im talking to you, I feel weak for even crying about you right now. But I want to get back to where we were. I want you to make me fall in love with you again, I truly do. I’m just scared Im so fucking scared of leaving now and I don’t know what will happen when Im gone. But were not talking right now, and I don’t know what I think of that. You’re proving me right, i hope you see that. So idk what I’m trying to say here I really don’t. But just call. Fuck, just call please.
Isn't it funny how they're trying to rehab Rebecca's image, and yet (from what I've seen) Chrissie is the one getting more likable by the month? Rebecca redeemed a White... it just ended up being her sis lol