i miss the trenchcoat

I’ll admit it -

Sometimes I miss that old leather jacket. Y'know, my dad’s old one? It was beat to hell, and the lining was pulling away in places - it had torn out completely in one of the pockets, which was actually damn convenient - guns fit better in there. I miss the way it smelled, the way it made me feel a little bigger when I was a scrawny, too pretty sixteen year old, and the way it felt like armor when I got older.

I miss the way I’d occasionally forget which pocket I put the Impala’s keys in. I miss the way it always kept me warm, and that tiny little bit of Dad’s scent lingering in the collar. I miss it, but I don’t miss who I was when I wore it. Always trying to prove something, always trying to be the mirror image of my dad. 

These days, I’m less about the past and more about the future. I think more about ratty old trenchcoats than a beat up leather coat. I drug that damn thing across half the country, back when I thought he was - when I thought he was -

I guess I never really thought about it, that old trenchcoat, just knew I couldn’t leave it behind. I picked it up out of the water and I felt like my heart was - like it was never going to beat right again. Maybe that’s when I figured it out. Maybe that’s when I realized it was him - maybe it was always him.

Traditional relationships were never going to be a thing for me. But Cas - Cas makes me feel complete. Cas makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. Gettin’ all silly and sentimental in my old age. Guess I’m getting in touch with my feelings. Don’t tell Sam, ha!

Hell. I miss that old trenchcoat more than I’ll ever miss that leather coat. 

Lucky for me, the guy it belongs to is sitting right next to me, sipping a cup of coffee with his hair all bedheaded and crazy. And he actually looks a hell of lot better in my old, threadbare Zep shirt and a pair of sweats. 

Must of figured I was talkin’ about him, ‘cause he looked up just now and smiled at me, and man, I felt that all the way down to the tips of my toes. 

Fuck, I love him. I never, ever thought I’d have this - but after everything, here we are. 

Yeah, I don’t miss that old coat at all. 

6

Something that bothers me is Castiel’s new trench coat. I mean he’s had the same one since day one! It’s been stabbed, shot, and drenched in blood without a there being a fuzz, for heaven’s sake Dean even kept it while Cas was dead(!), and then all of a sudden he go and gets himself a new one? wat.  I’m a bit sentimental over here, but I miss the old one, okay? </3