i miss our memories

I’m jealous of everything that gets to be around you all the time. Your siblings, the clothes you wear, the books you read. All of it.
—  💜 - That’s what he used to say to me

I miss our memories but it will be alright. The things I loved about you I will find in someone else. Their heart will beat in the same rhythm as mine and I will forget about the hurt you gave me.

I found our conversations from 5 months ago
The ones from 6am
The ones where we didn’t actually fall asleep until everyone else woke up
The ones where you’d actually communicate with me
The ones where you’d tell me everything that was on your mind
The ones where you’d ask what was wrong because I didn’t seem happy
The ones where you were actually happy
The ones where I was actually happy.
What happened?
Was I not enough for you?
Did you get bored of me?
Tell me what happened, please. Because I’m dying to hear
I want to go back to the way we were
Before her
Before everyone

mysteries are meant to be unfathomable, that’s why we have yet to discover every inch of the sea and every star in existence, and no submarine nor ship will ever come close
—  (via loveherdeeper)
I miss having late night phone calls with you. Talking about anything and everything. From your favourite board game to you beliefs about the political system. It didn’t matter what we talked about. All I cared about was talking to you. It didn’t need to lead up to anything, I just enjoyed your company.
—  I miss our memories

We broke up because you lost feelings. I didn’t so it hurt a hell of a lot. I’d cry. I’d sit up all night reliving our memories. I’d miss you. I’d stare blankly at my ceiling in the dark. Throughout the day I’d see things that remind me of you. I still miss you. I still miss you. After all this time you’re still in my heart.

But I wonder…

Although you lost feelings…
Did you cry? Did you stay up reliving our memories? Did you miss me? Did you see things that reminded you of me? Was it hard for you to let me go?

But still…

Do you still, after all this time, think about me? Do you still from time to time miss me?

I’m in a long distance relationship, and any time I see posts about people specifically desiring to be in a long distance relationship or romanticizing the “cuteness” of being limited to Skype dates and conflicting schedules, stressing financially to save up for visits, or letting our next visit be the last straw that gets me through my days when the comfort of your arms is ripped away from me over and over, I just want to say:

I’m not in a relationship with a woman 4,000 miles away from me to be cute or because it’s ideal, I’m in a relationship with her because I absolutely couldn’t stand not to be. I fell in love with her so hard that I accepted the distance as a part of our relationship just so I could have a chance of being the person she wakes up to 50 years from now.

I don’t post cute things about us to show the world what they’re missing, I post cute things because on really hard days our memories are the only things that keep me going. I post cute things because when you’re away your beautiful mind, loving words, your precious smile, and your soothing voice are 1 click away all in one place. I post cute things about us to show support and give hope to everyone else in the world that has to know the pain of being stuck far away from the person that they love. Let that sink in: The. Person. That. They. Love. The person that they love in the same way you will when you meet the person that’s worth all the obstacles, whether it’s distance or not.

Reblog if you are thankful for the obstacles you face each day because of the person you face them with.

Even smiling to you is difficult now. All the little things we used to do so easily seem to be a challenge for me now. It is so difficult for me to just look into your eyes. It’s hard to even just look at you. Because just by looking at you, all the memories of us can’t seem to stop flooding into my eyes and mind. They filled me and discombobulated me. And it will only bring and cause me pain and dismay. In other words, you didn’t bring me happiness. When I smiled thinking of you, it is our memories I’m missing.

I miss you.
I wish I could talk to you again, but you have changed.
I can’t talk to you anymore, because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid that you will judge me, because that’s who you are now.
And that made me realise, I don’t miss you, I miss our memories.
Late summer nights where we would sit and talk for hours on the football field.
The hour long conversations about whatever we wanted to talk about.
I miss you, but I don’t want you back.


It has been:

5 months since you killed your self, they told me it would get easier but i am still a mess and it has only been

5 weeks since I have cut into my fair skin, and left scars that will not fade. I know it isn’t what you would want for me but I can’t even go

5 days with out crying because I miss you so much and all of our memories and now soccer is starting again and I can’t even last

5 minutes on the field with out looking up and getting upset that I don’t see you standing in front of me asking for the ball. It kills me how if I would of just maybe taken

5 seconds the last day that I saw you and told you that I loved you. You might still be standing here today, Laughing at my stupid jokes and talking shit about our coach.

All it could of taken was 5 words. But I was too oblivious to the fact that you needed them but I guess I will say them now in case someone else needs to hear it:

Please do not kill yourself

He makes me laugh. So uncontrollably I forget you even exist. But then I catch you watching me from the corner of my eye and the laughter stops. All our memories come flooding back and it stings.. I miss you.
—  10:36 pm

k, Dani will probably make a more official post than this, but i just wanted to say it’s been a ton of fun watching what started as a little side project and a google doc of dumb jokes turn into this! It’s odd, the idea that 10,000 have decided to pay attention to what we’re saying is kind of amazing. seriously, we have more followers than certain churches. here’s hoping for more dumb basketball quotes from here on out!

I cannot seem to forget you; all of our memories keep flooding my brain like a tidal wave. I want to forget. I would give anything to never remember a single thing about you, but I can’t. I want every single thought of you to just disappear. I just want to get on with my life and not think about you every waking second of it, but I simply cannot…
—  m.r.s// just let me be 10:14pm