I found our conversations from 5 months ago
The ones from 6am
The ones where we didn’t actually fall asleep until everyone else woke up
The ones where you’d actually communicate with me
The ones where you’d tell me everything that was on your mind
The ones where you’d ask what was wrong because I didn’t seem happy
The ones where you were actually happy
The ones where I was actually happy.
Was I not enough for you?
Did you get bored of me?
Tell me what happened, please. Because I’m dying to hear
I want to go back to the way we were
Our memories and my hope are the only things keeping me hooked on you. Our memories are nebulous, but whatever I remember I cherish. You are my thoughts 24/7 and I can’t help but reminisce to when both of us were so clueless, innocent and young. No words can describe this feeling I have of constantly waiting for you. I hope I can stop waiting soon.
I miss having late night phone calls with you. Talking about anything and everything. From your favourite board game to you beliefs about the political system. It didn’t matter what we talked about. All I cared about was talking to you. It didn’t need to lead up to anything, I just enjoyed your company.
You were the only person who could make me feel like this.
I thought I’d wake up beside you every morning. Now waking up in this bed just isn’t the same anymore. It’s empty. Just like those familiar streets that once held our precious memories.
I miss the way we intertwined fingers and never let go. I miss the sound of your heart beating the same pace as mine. I miss your tender kisses and loving eyes. I miss playing with your soft hair and all your warm hugs and goddamn it,
I miss you.
Though we had our fights, we always made up before saying good night. Why didn’t I realize that would be the last time we said good night? The stinging tears streamed down my cheeks and you left just like that. Only a good bye and an I love you. I thought to myself this can’t be happening.
You promised to show me all the things in life and it hurts me to say, not anymore.
I thought you’d be the one to ask for my hand in marriage, not anymore.
Even after so many years, it breaks my heart to see you around now. Seeing you smile with someone who’s not me.
I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy before but I hope you’re happy now. I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have you in her life. I hope she cherishes every second she has with you.
But just know, I’ll always love you. It’ll go away in time but for now, no matter how far we may be, you will be the only one in my heart.
I hope you won’t forget everything we’ve been through.
I hope we meet again someday.
I hope when we meet again, we grow up to be exactly what we had imagined each other to be. With rings on our fingers and smiles on our faces. Even if it’s not with each other.
i hate it, i hate every part of it. I hate remembering old happy memories that you know won’t happen again. Ever. I hate missing someone who left me without a word. I hate missing someone whom gave me a lot of memories and just threw it all away. I hate missing someone who’s hard to replace. I hate missing those memories of our spontaneous trips, & sad moments.
i hate missing the way i used to laugh. i hate thinking every time there’s something good happening in my life and wishing i’d get to share it to you.
I’m in a long distance relationship, and any time I see posts about people specifically desiring to be in a long distance relationship or romanticizing the “cuteness” of being limited to Skype dates and conflicting schedules, stressing financially to save up for visits, or letting our next visit be the last straw that gets me through my days when the comfort of your arms is ripped away from me over and over, I just want to say:
I’m not in a relationship with a woman 4,000 miles away from me to be cute or because it’s ideal, I’m in a relationship with her because I absolutely couldn’t stand not to be. I fell in love with her so hard that I accepted the distance as a part of our relationship just so I could have a chance of being the person she wakes up to 50 years from now.
I don’t post cute things about us to show the world what they’re missing, I post cute things because on really hard days our memories are the only things that keep me going. I post cute things because when you’re away your beautiful mind, loving words, your precious smile, and your soothing voice are 1 click away all in one place. I post cute things about us to show support and give hope to everyone else in the world that has to know the pain of being stuck far away from the person that they love. Let that sink in: The. Person. That. They. Love. The person that they love in the same way you will when you meet the person that’s worth all the obstacles, whether it’s distance or not.
Reblog if you are thankful for the obstacles you face each day because of the person you face them with.
I don't Tumblr much anymore but so glad I caught you when I did. You may not remember the fun we had, but the memory will glow eternally. I miss our sporadic but delicious correspondence. Your talent is rad and your personality burns even brighter. You've always been a trailblazer here. You were mine in more ways than you can ever know. This is a certainty.
This has been sitting in my inbox while I contemplated whether I might, in fact, want to keep this to myself and not even respond at all, let alone share this (and my response) with the world. But share I will.
I remember those days, for sure, and look back on them fondly. You are such a talented writer and artist. I have always admired your determination and resilience. Your moxie. Yes, that’s the perfect word for you. How I’ve loved you, and how I still do. <3
and i hate to say this but i really just hate myself for wanting those who left me to knock and call me and wanting to open the doors again because fuck i just want us to be in good terms.
and it sucks that they see the gesture as some hypocrisy, that i’m just wanting them back because i pity them that they’d want someone from their past again like wtf dude i was and will be always here for you didn’t you even realize that ever since
and i want to tell this to you because you just won’t accept the fact that you miss me as much as i miss you, the memories and all of the parts in our friendship wtf i can’t hold it in anymore i just want you to be happy that’s all and to know that you never find happiness with me, that sucked, but because of it i chose to pull over to the sides and not disturb your life because fuck i just want you to find the happiness you always wanted to have
AND OH I’M TALKING ABOUT ALL OF THE FRIENDS WHOM I LEFT / LEFT ME