i miss him.

when i was in high school i had a friend, a really good guy, very funny and clever. we could talk (more like argue) about everything. he was bolder than me, always broke rules and encouraged me to to do the same. i refused of course and he probably was disappointed in me bc i allowed everyone (my parents, teachers, other friends) to treat me like a loser. i WAS a total loser then. but i realize now that in the end he made me confident and i think about it a lot now when i’m able to say “no, i don’t want do it and i won’t do it. let me be a bad girl in your eyes but at least i’ll be at peace with myself. i don’t care what you think of me.” i think of all people i knew his influence was the biggest and most important. we haven’t talked for three years but he’s still on my friends list and sometimes when i see him online i think maybe i should ask him about his life but something always stops me