i might not have the chance to do so in the future

What’s going on in Brazil? #10

So, this is gonna be me trying to put A LOT of stuff into very few words. Written at 26/05/2017.

Alright. You know how the whole world is kinda feeling like its situation can’t possibly get any more scandalous at this point? it’s what we felt about two weeks ago, too. I mean, between our ex-president being on a crusade against the justice system and the media and all the unpopular measures taken by our politicians lately, including reforming the labor laws and social security to make them shittier, and a new small corruption scandal every week, y’know, you figure it can’t get much worse than that. 

And then it happened. It was a beautiful Wednesday (or was it Thursday?) night. All was its usual mess. And then a businessman came forward like, “ops I recorded the president negotiating to bribe someone who’s in jail to keep quiet and the other presidential candidate negotiating on how to get his usual 2 million in bribes discreetly lol did I mention he might have mentioned the possibility of killing someone?” BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM. 

If you screamed right now, imagine how much we did. There were so many memes. So many. The jokes, the glorious jokes. I hadn’t have that much political fun in ages. But you’re probably still confused (we are, too), so imma explain it a little better.

Businessman Joesley, owner of the biggest meat company in the world, was caught in corruption schemes. Who wasn’t, right? so, like it happens in Brazil, he started negotiating his sentence by giving other people away. And he sure as fuck named a lot of people, like anyone else, but this guy did something that other people hadn’t yet: he recorded it. You’d think more people would’ve been this smart just in case, I guess, but so far, nah. And obviously the most polemic recording is of a conversation our now President Michel Temer had with him, negotiating bribes to Eduardo Cunha. If you’ve read my older posts, you’ll know his name. He’s the main dude behind Dilma Rousseff’s impeachment (if you have no idea of absolutely nothing i’ve just said, dude, go back to the other posts, this is quite saga already). Did I mention he’s in jail??? yeah. Arrested for money laundering sometime ago or something (one cannot remember all the scandals in brazil for more than 2 months since there ARE SO MANY NEW ONES ALL THE TIME). Still, he did swear he’d bring two presidents down, and now it seems the time has come, one way or another (we’re so dramatic, omg, this is gonna make for excellent movies someday, we’re already out-houseofcarding house of cards).

BACK TO IT. So. The president is on tape negotiating quite a crime. In most countries that’d lead to the guy resigning. And we thought he would, too, actually. This dude scheduled a press conf. and we were all on the edge of our seats waiting to see the second president down in less than a year. But guess what? dude goes “I’m not resigning”, gives pissed off speech, alleges everything is a fake and says if we want him down we’ll have to bring him down. He also kinda tries to forbid people from using his pictures in memes, which leads to opposition party creating a whole gallery online of pictures they bought of him for people to do their memes safely. I ain’t joking. The most brazilian think to ever happen, probably.  

Meanwhile, remember I said there was a second recording? Yeah, it was from Aecio Neves, and you might remember him too: he ran for president against Rousseff at the last elections, and he was the main activist for her impeachment after he lost the elections, all “against corruption” and shit. Lol. Dude was literally negotiating how to get his money, cursing a lot, and saying they’d need to find good people to do this money transporting thing, it had to be someone, and I quote, “that we can kill before they can make deals with the police”. And then he proceeds on suggesting his cousin’s name. Talk of family issues, right? Anyway. It came as no surprise for us with half a brain that both these man were corrupt because honestly there had been people saying that before, but nobody had them on tape yet. Aecio’s sister has been arrested, he has kinda stepped down from his senate position and his apartments are being raid by the police, let’s see where this leads. 

Back to Temer, remember when he told people we’d need to take him down if we wanted him down? Yeah, people took that quite literally and a couple of days ago in the middle of a protest some SET FIRE to a few ministry buildings. Nothing much happened to anyone there tho. But Temer took that as a good opportunity to give especial authorization to the Army to be on the streets and do whatever was needed which was pretty fucking scary since we haven’t been out of a dictatorship for thaaaat long??? but the order has been revoked by now so we’re ok. For now. I guess. Who knows. 

So the question now is how long can Temer hold himself in power. If he does fall, which is complicated, since he’d likely have to resign (there are already a few impeachment processes opened against him, but since they depend on the ok from chamber president, who still supports him, it’s unlikely to work, and it’d take months anyway), but if he did fall, we’d get either president of the chamber of deputies in power or president of the supreme court in power (cause president of the senate can’t, since he’s a defendant in a corruption investigation) - and I said “OR” there because there’s a chance president of the chamber also becomes a defendant in corruption charges through the next months so we can’t really be sure on how the succession line will be in the future. Yeah, that’s how screwed we are. Anyway, if any of them get to power they are bound to organizing new indirect elections, by the constitution, since it’s past half the term and we’d only need someone to basically finish this year and the next one when there are elections again, hopefully. However, with congress as it is, with most people there charged with something, you’d think brazilians are…. less than happy with the idea of our congressmen choosing their own fucking president. And you’re right. Most of us are. Which is why there is a campaign to make a change and try for direct, real, voting elections (and to get Temer out, obviously). 

It’s worth noticing that a lot of powerful people are still behind Temer, though, especially big businessman and the media, because of his austerity measures and probable cuts on labor laws, and also, because a lot of them are scared shitless of we actually getting a direct election and Lula winning. Yes, our ex-president, yes, the one in trouble with the law that I mentioned early. Aaand I would like to have covered him and our asshole hygienist new são paulo mayor whose biggest ability so far seems to be shitty decisions here, BUT this post is long enough as it is, so if y’all wanna know about them ask away and I’ll cover it in another post. For now, just remember: it can always get worse if you’re brazilian :)

Random joke magic items

Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:

1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.

2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.

3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.

5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.

6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.

7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.

9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.

10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.

11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.

13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.

16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.

17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.

18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.

19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.

20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.

21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.

22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.

24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.

25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will

26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.

27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.

28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.

30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.

31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.

32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.

33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.

34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.

35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.

36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.

37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.

38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.

39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.

40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.

50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.

51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.

52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.

53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.

54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.

56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.

58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.

60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.

61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.

63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.

64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.

65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.

66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.

67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.

68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.

69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.

70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.

71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.

72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.

73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.

74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!

75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.

76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.

77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.

78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.

79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.

80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.

81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.

82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…

83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.

84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.

85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.

86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.

87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.

88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.

89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.

90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.

91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed

92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.

93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.

94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.

95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack

96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.

97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.

98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip

99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.

100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.

101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.

102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!

103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.

104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.

105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.

106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.

A LIST OF SWAN QUEEN FAN FICTION

B/C I KNOW Y’ALL ARE TIRED OF LOOKING FOR SWANQUEEN FANFIC RECS ON TUMBLR SO HERES THE GOOD SHIT.

  • all of these are in english
  • if you have any recommendations or additions, please let me know!
  • some fanfictions that i originally planned to include on this list were deleted by their authors :( 


CLASSICS (favorites)

The Art Of Being Extraordinary - if you haven’t read this already, wyd? The ending will destroy you - be prepared to cry. 

Letters From War - another extremely well known fic among swen. a heart-wrenching and beautifully written AU fic. even if AUs aren’t your thing, seriously, give this one a try.

Emma is a soldier on reserve in Fort Benning. Regina is the Mayor of Storybrooke. Through a pen pal program designed to ease the ache of homesick soldiers, Emma and Regina begin sending letters to one another as their relationship grows from cordial acquaintance to something neither woman would have expected - until the letters stop coming.

A Trail Of Destruction - DEFINITELY a classic imo. this is one of my favorite fanfictions of all time.

A hostage situation in City Hall leaves behind a battered, broken sheriff, and a mayor wracked with guilt. Trigger warnings for violence and gun threats and general angst. Slow-burn swan queen.

Miles To Go - AU; emma and regina meet at a party and the rest is history. this ones pretty long (80 chapters), but so worth the read! angsty & lots of ‘sexy times’ 

Everyone has their own story, this one is theirs and it paints the picture of a love story that spans over two decades, with all the ups and downs and everything else in between. SwanQueen AU
 

Of Love and Loathing - a lot of angry sex in the beginning, which eventually turns into lovey sex. another well known and well written fic - this author is one of my favorites. *reaaallyyy hot smut 

“I have been sleeping with someone,” Regina began tentatively, an acute awareness that once she said the words out loud that the madness behind her highly unorthodox situation became all the more real, “whom I absolutely loathe.” •Emma/Regina•

Meet me Halfway - one of the first swan queen fan fictions i ever read! still a classic to this day. AU

Emma Swan works hard every night as a bartender, struggling to raise her son and save up enough to own her own bar. Regina Mills is an upper class New York photographer who wouldn’t normally spare a second glance at people below her. When their paths cross, their lives adapt to each other, but how much are they willing to change?

Love Undefined - in the process of re-reading this one because of how much i love it. angsty as hell but such a beautiful story.

It’s been eight years since the last time Regina and Emma saw each other, eight years since Emma lost part of her happiness, her family, and everything fell apart. But she hasn’t forgotten those three years in New York, or any of what Regina had brought into her life. A late night phone call to Regina takes Emma back eleven years to when they met, saved each other from loneliness, and Emma started learning what it meant to live. She relives the moments that had changed her life for the better, and even the ones that had hurt.

Teacher’s Pet - KNOWN AS THE ONE TEACHER/STUDENT FANFIC THAT EVERYONE HAS READ. 

Emma Swan is starting her senior year. Her friends tell her about the Creative Writing teacher that she has on her schedule and how no one had passed her class with an A, not even her bookworm friend, Belle. What will she do? And who exactly is this ‘bitchy Evil Queen’ as they claim her to be? SwanQueen. Student/Teacher. M for language and future chapters.

Lost in Translation - i wasn’t sure about this before reading it but i LOVED it. the description pretty much sums it up.

AU. Regina is deaf. Emma is the only one who refuses to give her pity. In response, Regina is thrilled by this new challenge and the stand-offs commence, but over time she finds out there is more to the blonde woman than just a target to throw a stinging quip and pointed glare at.

Send Up a Signal - emma and regina are actresses and their fans ship them with each other. ;)

Emma Swan is catapulted into stardom, the newest lead actress on a sanitized show featuring modern fairytales. Regina Mills is a long-undermined star with a chip on her shoulder and a thousand reasons why she’s invested. Naturally, they loathe each other on sight.Their characters’ fanbases, however, have other ideas.

Reset - SO. GOOD. 95 chapters. if you’re looking for long fanfics, this is for you. 

Following the breaking of the curse everyone in Storybrooke is finding their happy ending, with one exception. Resigning herself to having lost Henry’s love and respect forever, Regina decides there is only one path available to her.

Take Me Home Tonight - AU!! lots of smut :) this is a newer one that i’ve seen around twitter and tumblr and i really enjoyed it! this one’s pretty short (14 chapters)

AU: Nineteen year old Emma Swan is a senior at the exclusive all girls boarding school, Foxhaven Academy. When her friends find out she’s a virgin they send her to the city to find a guy to take her v-card. But Emma is more interested in a sexy older woman she meets in a bar. A SwanQueen story.

The Staircase - non-consensual sex in the first chapter, so please be aware of that; its not for eveyone. this story is very dark but has a happy ending i promise!

Regina could still smell her cologne and feel the cheap pleather pressing into her back. The brunette sucked in a breath. She was still lying on the floor at the staircase’s base and she stared back up at it. Everything was different now. Changed. She felt broken by what had just happened, appalled and enraged, dirty. WARNING: NC17 for non-consensual sex. Dark. (But gets lighter.)

the trouble with emma - very very well known within the swan queen community. i’ll be honest, i never really got into the story but i can acknowledge that it is the most well-written fanfiction i have read to date. the author is truly talented. (the first in a series of fanfics)

Post ep 4x23, Emma becomes the Dark One and learns nothing is quite as it seems or as simple as black versus white. When Regina removes the curse no one in Storybrooke is prepared for the far reaching fallout which leaves none of their lives unaltered or untouched, least of all Regina’s.

SMUT 

shadow haven  - the one smut fic everyone has read.

Emma Swan is a PR agent who is sent on a holiday by her boss. Regina Mills is the owner of a private island named Shadow Haven. There is more to Regina than initially meets the eye. This story dips heavily into the BDSM subculture. Swan Queen romance / BDSM story.

the wicked stepmother - the one kinky fic everyone has read- or attempted to. i couldn’t get through the whole thing but the first few chapters,,, holy hell.

When the Evil Queen catches baby Emma along with Snow White, she decides on a new revenge. In Storybrooke, Snow White will be allowed to raise her daughter… but on her eighteenth birthday, Regina will come for her. Emma might just enjoy that.

in control  - Regina had never been in the habit of relinquishing control, but when it came to Emma Swan, she was starting to find out that giving in had its benefits. - Established Swan Queen - One Shot. Rated M for language and content.

the collar - It will carry strong mature themes as well as a Mistress/Slave relationship but it is also a lot more than that. However, as a warning this story will celebrate the shades of grey of our favourite couple as they find their way to each other and will deal with darker elements of their characters. Emma’s history differs a little from canon but will be covered by the story but there is no Henry and she is an adult in this fiction.

a little taste  - author of A Fine Line and Letters from War. 

Emma has been desperate to know what it’s like to kiss the smirk off of Regina Mills, but when she finally gets the chance, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

tempest - A storm ushers in an expected opportunity for Regina to finally rid herself of Emma Swan. She will posses the sheriff’s heart and then crush it. But what happens when nothing goes as planned? Rated M for language and Swan Queen sexytimes.

come on be nice - Regina has decided that the quickest way to get rid of Emma Swan is to scare off the commitment phobic woman with a come-on. This, as with many of Regina’s plans, does not go as, well, planned. Rated M for Swan Queen sex.

black lace - Emma and Henry find a way around the 'no visiting’ rule involving binoculars and the walkie talkie. Emma’s attention is fully on her son, she truly doesn’t intend to watch Regina at all. At least until the mayor begins undressing in front of her window..

dirty words - Regina is plagued by thoughts of a certain blonde. Deciding she is in need of cathartic release, she writes a quick narrative in hopes of cleansing her system. However, by a happy accident, the story falls into the wrong hands. What will Emma do with this new and intriguing insight into the mayor’s mind?

damn you, miss swan  Emma visits the mayor one night with a bottle of wine to cheer her up. Anger issues and smeared lippy ensues. WARNING: Includes a non-explicit passing reference to rape. This is my first story. A/N Jan 2015: Way back when I wrote this, no one knew anyone’s back stories, so I just made up stuff. Don’t be upset for canon divergence if you read it now. It wasn’t canon then.

mirror tricks The Evil Queen has made her way to Storybrooke, but she only seems to be interested in one thing: Emma. When Regina realises this, her jealousy starts to get the better of her.

my enemy’s enemy After her mother’s death, Regina finds a terrible surprise hidden among the witch’s belongings. Unfortunately, the only one able to cure her from the ailment is Emma…if she agrees. Strong language and mature themes. First stab at SwanQueen :)

ANGST

to remember her happy ending - “She doesn’t even remember her family! How am I going to explain this to her when she hates me!” She was falling apart now. The way the women in the other room had just looked at her, with such disdain. That wasn’t her wife. That was the Mayor, the Evil Queen maybe…but not her wife.

for endings are where we begin Regina Mills is your average working mom - she spends long hours at her bakery, loves her son Henry with all that she is, and can touch dead things and bring them back to life.Emma Swan is an orphan, an ex-convict, and a bail bondsperson residing in Massachusetts. She is also currently dead.This is the story of how they meet.

the loudest silence - New to Chicago Emma, a professional cellist, is shocked to find that a beautiful deaf woman is her new president of the board. As their friendship grows Emma begins to wonder, what does it look like when a world of sound and a world of silence meet somewhere in the middle? SwanQueen AU

broken 16 year Emma Swan is a preachers daughter on a tight leash, what happens when Regina Mills returns to town, dark, mysterious and dangerous? Will her father’s expectations take over or will Emma follow her heart? Is Regina legit or is Emma cute little pawn? Will Emma be able to love Regina for who she is or will her dark past ruin it ALL! SwanQueen G!P Some BDSM

bring her home Cora’s dead. Henry lives with the Charmings. Regina continues spiraling through grief and loss and hatred. Then Emma suddenly falls unconscious and Henry shows up at Regina’s door because he needs her help to bring Emma back. Reluctantly, Regina embarks on a wild swan chase through Emma’s mind, a whirlwind of ‘roads‐less‐traveled’ and ‘what‐ifs’ and ‘might‐have‐beens’, in order to bring her home.

if the blazer fits Emma decides to dress up like Regina for a Halloween party at The Rabbit Hole, a seemingly innocent decision that surprisingly leads to a relationship. The romance is openly feared by some and secretly despised by an unlikely source, who plots to end it.

a fine line Upon Regina’s banishment, the small town of Storybrooke becomes protected once again by an enchantment that prevents anyone from leaving or entering Storybrooke. Emma and Regina find themselves on the edge of the town, wishing for a way to the other side.

a pale imitation Regina is furious with Emma after she brings back Marian, but since she can’t take it out on her, Regina creates a mindless clone of Emma to hit instead. The clone doesn’t stay mindless for long though, developing an obsession with Regina. Written for summer 2014 Swan Queen Big Bang. (TW for sexual assault/rape and graphic depictions of violence)

FLUFF

one fine mess - Regina’s gut twisted with an agonizing pull and, for just a moment, she thought she might need to take up the same position as the woman crouched before her. “You’re pregnant?” she whispered grimly. Emma’s only response was to turn and retch into the toilet again. — Swan Queen, magic!pregnancy

coffee at midnight - (so good) Slow burn AU that starts with two women from different parts of the USA meeting on Twitter. Emma is an insomniac loner who is a Personal Trainer. Regina is a writer with a sleepless baby. Their lack of sleep and love for coffee soon brings them together and after that they find it hard to part. This is a fic where coffee is taking to mythical levels, despite it’s bad effect on people with insomnia and people with babies - showing that sometimes what you need and want isn’t always the thing that is wholesome and harmless. But also that denying yourself it will only lead to misery, something which Regina has to apply to other parts of her life.

all the single ladies With the library in desperate need of renovation, Storybrooke prepares for a fundraising dinner and bachelorette auction. What mischief and romance can be found as a result? SwanQueen with some RedBeauty Rating has been raised to M - now including adult content.


TEACHER+STUDENT / EMPLOYEE+BOSS

teacher’s pet - see above (classics)

take me home tonight - see above (classics)

step into my office, baby  - This is what you get for doing the nice thing, Emma thinks. You do that whole Pay It Forward bullshit - you buy a lady some coffee and you pretend like it isn’t totally motivated by how she looks in a pencil skirt - and she goes and insults your business card and turns out to be your company’s new Executive Director. Real fucking cute.From now on, she is drinking tea.or, the one where they’re in an office.

teaching miss mills  - Swan Queen Teacher AU: Emma is a gym teacher, who moves to Storybrooke Academy after becoming disenchanted with her job back in Boston. Regina Mills is the Head of English who Emma somehow seems to keep having run-ins with, despite the best of intentions. Along the way, Emma adjusts to small-town life, gets her teaching mojo back and grows closer to Regina. NOW COMPLETE

troubled teachers - COMPLETE! SwanQueen AU. Geography teacher Emma Swan starts a new life far from her troubled past and meets history teacher Regina Mills. But all is not as it seems when it comes to the composed, intelligent, and beautiful brunette. Family struggles and difficult relationships lead to a friendship and soon something more blossoms. Rated M for Ch 7, 18, 22, 24, 28, 29, 31, 35 and 38

not a virgin anymore When college student Emma Swan wakes up one morning with no memory of what happened the night before she’s very surprised she finds herself in professor Mills’s bed. 

is that so, miss swan? - College student, Emma Swan, is confronted by her favorite professor and secret heart-throb, Dr. Regina Mills. What happens when Emma is forced to reveal her secrets? We shall see. AU. Slightly OOC at times. No magic. SwanQueen. Rated M for serious language and eventual sexy times between our two favorite ladies.

butterfly effect - in her final year of college, Emma finds she has more to account for than the extra credits she needs in order to graduate. Only… she doesn’t expect it to come in the form of her newest instructor, Professor Regina Mills. Complete. AU Swan Queen

a sophisticated seduction Emma’s a college student, working as an intern at the Dazzle Magazine for a powerful woman she has never had the good fortune of meeting. But everything in her life is about to change when they finally meet. Especially when one falls so deeply in love with the other and the insecurities from a broken marriage comes to light. (Not Based on The Devil Wears Prada)

some other faves

down east decisions - Massachusetts State Police Capt. Emma Swan leaves her red-hot career to become the police chief of sleepy Storybrooke, Maine. She’s hoping for a less-complicated, less-dangerous life, a desire that is dashed on both counts. AU. No magic. Crime drama and romance. Swan Queen is endgame.

that drunken night - Emma’s wasted and accidentally calls Regina instead of her mom. And Regina isn’t as loathe to talk to the blonde as she usually pretends. Did things change between them so radically while they were in Neverland? (No copyright infringement intended.)

chasing henry - SQ. Tired of the tricks and lies of both of his mothers, Henry follows the dwarves, Red and Granny when they use Tiny’s magic beans to return themselves to their old land. Emma and Regina both chase after him, and they reluctantly travel together through the Enchanted Forest in order to find him and bring him back home safely.

so does this make us both the other woman? - Set after 3b in a peaceful Storybrooke where Regina is with Robin and Emma’s fallen into a relationship with Hook. Shame about all that subtext that’s rapidly threatening to become text.

What to do when you really don’t want to study.

I think we’ve all been there - the class is important and you know you need to study but when you sit down you end up feeling grOSS AND YOU don’t want to. So here are some tips to overcoming that:

 Take a deep breath and reevaluate why you need to study. Try to stay positive.

  • When I’m not motivated I keep saying things like “what if I just don’t do it?” And then - surprise! - I end up not studying and suffer/regret it later. When coming up with reasons to study, try to keep it positive. Don’t say things like “if I don’t study I’ll fail the class.” Instead, say things like “if I study, I have a better chance at doing well on the exam. Future-me will be so proud of current-me.”
  • If you truly cannot find a single reason to study, set your studying aside for later and do another productive activity or take a long break.

Drill it into your mind that you really don’t need motivation to do well.

  • Even if you find the reason to study, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are very motivated. Sometimes we feel like no motivation = unable to study. This isn’t true.
  • Make a deal with yourself. Try studying for ten minutes. And actually try to study. If by the end of ten minutes you feel like you can continue studying, great! Keep going! If not, then you can take a break and do something else.

Choose a study scheduling method that works for you.

  • Some people feel great studying for hours on end once they get in "the zone.” Others feel the need to take quick breaks every half hour. Studying and scheduling methods are different for everybody! Play around with scheduling to find out what works for you.
  • In high-stress times, work (studying, assignments, etc.) can feel pretty overwhelming. To organize all the stuff you have to do, write it down! This takes some of the stress of remembering tasks off from your brain, so that your brain can focus on the more crucial things.
    • If you’re making a to-do list, keep the general list short. This way, you won’t feel overwhelmed by too many tasks. (You can keep sub-lists on separate paper/sticky notes to break down each task.)
    • If you’re making a time-table, keep your schedule loose. Give yourself buffer time to complete each task, just in case you overestimated your efficiency.
    • It’s totally okay to overestimate efficiency! - ifyou do, you learn more about yourself and how you study best.

Small (pomodoro) breaks

  • Pomodoro technique in a nutshell: 25 minute blocks of working with 5 minute breaks in between. Feel free to change the length of the blocks according to your preferences! During your breaks, you can
    • Get more water
    • Get snacks
    • Make tea/coffee
    • Stretch
    • Do a tiny bit of yoga
    • Walk around the room/building
    • Stretch
    • Five-minute meditation
    • Head massage
  • Try to avoid looking at a screen. When you look at a screen, you stimulate your brain and it won’t get its rest. Also, the internet might suck you in and your break could last longer than intended. (cough tumblr)

Long breaks

  • Sometimes I really really really really reALLY don’t want to study. Or do anything. And I feel kind of gross and am on the verge of a mental breakdown. If you feel this way, stop.
  • Take a hella deep breath. And another one. One more. Aaaaand one more just for good measure.
  • Get away from your desk. I associate desk with studying, so getting away from it helps me relax. Lie down on a bed, or move to a different room if you can. If you can get near a window, try looking into the distance to relax your brain and eyes.
  • Breathe for a couple of minutes, then evaluate how you feel. Again, try to stay positive. Instead of “I feel shitty and I don’t want to do anything,” try “I feel tired right now and resting can help me feel better.”
  • Based on this evaluation, estimate the amount of time you need to rest. If you have a lot of studying to do, try to keep it under an hour. Set a timer for the amount of time you have decided on. (remember to include buffer time!) Getting back to work on time can make you feel more productive, which conduct better productivity!
  • During a long break, do an activity that makes you feel good and takes your mind off studying. You can
    • Take a long walk. If you live near a park or a trail, try strolling around in it.
    • Eat healthy food. Junky comfort food can make you feel groggy, especially foods that are fried. Instead, try eating some fruits or nuts.
    • Take a shower/bath
    • Talk with a friend
    • Make some art
    • Enjoy a long coffee break. (avoid caffeine if you feel anxious/panicky, though)
    • Play with a pet
    • Take a power nap
    • Longer meditation/yoga
  • Again, try to avoid looking at screens. Also, avoid thinking about studying. Let yourself have the luxury of NOT THINKING ABOUT STUDYING for a while, so you can return to it with a fresh mind.

Mental health days

  • Sometimes everything is just too much and you might feel the need to stop everything for a day. If so, take a mental health day!
  • Think of mental health days as physical health days. If your body isn’t feeling well, you are allowed to stay in bed and sleep/not do anything for a day. Similarly, if your mind isn’t feeling well, you are also allowed to stay in bed and sleep/not do anything for a day.
  • Let your parents and teachers know that you don’t feel well and can’t go to school. From my experience, most teachers are pretty understanding and will let you have the day off. (You might have some work to make up later, though.)
  • Do not study on mental health days. Don’t even think about studying on mental health days. Instead, just focus on getting better. You can
    • Sleep in
    • Clean your room
    • Take a super long bath, complete with bath bombs and candles
    • Watch a good movie
    • Read a good book
    • Sing your favorite songs really loudly
    • Literally anything that (IS HEALTHY and) makes you feel good about yourself.

Study groups can keep you going, even when you kind of don’t want to

  • Setting up a time (like a date!) can keep you on track
  • Study with someone you trust to keep you accountable. Don’t study with someone you know you’re going to gossip or watch cat videos with.
  • If you really feel the need to cancel a study date, it’s ok! Just like canceling any kind of date, it’s 100% okay to back out if you feel uncomfortable.

Stay safe, stay healthy, and happy studying!

Can Conscious K-Pop Cross Over? BTS & BigHit Entertainment CEO ‘Hitman’ Bang on Taking America

On April 2, BTS played the fifth and final date of a sold-out U.S. arena run, performing to the shrieking fans who helped the group’s second full-length album, Wings, become the first K-pop project to crack the top 40 of the Billboard 200 in 2016. Since debuting in 2013, the seven-piece boy band has become a commercial behemoth in its native South Korea while continuing to make inroads within American pop culture. “Change,” an English-language hip-hop collaboration between BTS member Rap Monster and U.S. star Wale, was released three days before the kickoff of the stateside run.

“Change” touches on topics like voting rights and online harassment, while some of BTS’ biggest hits have addressed mental health. “Worldwide, our young generation shares the same issues socially and politically,” says BTS member Suga. Although K-pop music generally steers away from controversy, Rap Monster says that remaining outspoken “is important to us. And the bigger the voice we get, the more powerful our words become.”

A new BTS album is already underway and more U.S. dates might be on the way later this year. Bang Si Hyuk, the CEO and Executive Producer of label/management agency BigHit Entertainment who is better known as “Hitman” Bang, hints at “special features” designed for international listeners but thinks BTS will continue playing to its base.

“I’m not a believer in releasing full English songs to the U.S. market, like many K-pop artists have,” Bang tells Billboard in his first-ever interview with American press. “We must focus on what we do best as K-pop artists and producers and maybe add some special features to which international or U.S. music fans can feel attached. That is the best way for me to put K-pop into the mainstream U.S. music market and, in that regard, BTS will participate and perform in a way that is not much different from what they have been doing in the last three years. We’re adjusting and improving the way we do shows on the tour to meet the international or global level and expectations so that anyone, regardless of their culture and background, can enjoy BTS music and performances.”

Bang is sure to add that the group will be “very active and responsive in releasing new songs that would come out of collaborations with international artists, like 'Change.’” And, looking ahead, both the CEO and band see their most recent accomplishments as inspiration to achieve even more in the future.

“I’m so excited and thrilled at the response to the U.S. tour,” Bang says. “It’s still overwhelming and unbelievable at some point. I even further feel responsible for producing better music and production for fans around the world and I’d definitely think harder on what makes fans enthusiastic and passionate about BTS music and the band.” Meanwhile, the ambition within the group is perhaps best felt when member V winks that the group has “grander goals”; as if arena shows are just the beginning of what he and his band mates plan to accomplish around the world.

Below read on for an extended interview with BTS held before the tour kicked off. All member answers are taken via a translator except for Rap Monster.

With five arena shows, this tour is so huge and I think the main reason for that and why you guys are doing so well in America is because you sing about personal topics. Why is that so important to talk about in your music?

​Suga: Worldwide, our young generation shares the same issues socially and politically. I think that young people feel the same way about similar issues and BTS wants to cheer them up with our songs and talk about our feelings and social issues.

Rap Monster: These topics, like you said, they’re important, right? They should be told by someone. Someone should talk about it. And if someone should talk about it, then it feels like we have to talk about it. It’s very much an honor that we get power and attention from our fans them when we use our voices more. It’s important to us and the bigger the voice that we get, the more powerful that our words become.

These topics – loneliness, mental health, bullying – you don’t hear about in K-pop or even Korean culture much. Or, really, in American pop music either. Have you ever worried it might get a negative or opposite response?

​Suga: There are people who think negatively and there have been people who react negatively towards BTS’ music. But I think it’s way more important to make music with those issues because I think it’s important to encourage people to fight for those issues and, through the music, have a resolution for those issues. But I’m going to continue to talk about those issues through the music anyway. [Laughs]

Do you think K-pop needs to get more personal to gain a wider audience? Would you like to see that more in future?

Rap Monster: We still need some party songs, we still need some light love songs. I love to listen to them and feel the vibe from that. Everyone has their luggage and their shadows, but it’s up to everyone’s own [devices]. But we’re us. I think if we talk about it and if it gets more voice and attention, then maybe there are a lot of people in the world that accept us start to talk about those issues. I think that’s the change.

I thought “Spring Day” was a really big musical moment for you guys. Not only did it do really well on the charts, but this time you were showing a progression in thinking and a message of hope. The idea of recovering and winter moving to spring. Was that a conscious decision?

Rap Monster: It’s just like what you said, that was one step further. We’re always talking about the crises, the sorrows and youth’s feelings of getting lost. In many [television] programs, when we’d introduce our new album, I’d always talk about the word “recovery.” Like you said, it’s all about the recovery. Winter going to spring. The middle of the winter going to the spring. You got that.

​Suga: In addition to being what we are as BTS, we wanted to bring some changes and we actually wanted to evolve as a group. We wanted to show our many colors, but we still want to console others and give hope to others.

Something that was unique was all the solo songs on the Wings album. You’ve done mixtapes, but instead of full-fledged solo or unit releases, you got to show your different sides of yourselves. Why was that necessary?

Jin: The solo tracks were important because it was personal, an individual story and it was represented in the way that we are good at it. We worked a lot on each track and that’s why it was important to each of us.

Rap Monster: When I get questions about why is K-pop is so popular; I always tell them K-pop is like a great mix of music, videos, visuals, choreography, social media and real-life contents. Making the solo tracks on the album was quite a venture, but it’s connected to the concept. Like, when you watch the “I Need U” video, everyone has their own crises and characters. It’s kind of connected to our real personalities and characters, but the solo songs have their own characters and personalities. It’s all connected. It’s a mixture and that’s why people get interested in the concepts.

Speaking of solo songs, “Change” recently came out. Rap Monster, you and Wale are talking about different-but-similar issues when South Korea and America are both having interesting political times. Did you guys have a chance to discuss your different viewpoints?

Rap Monster: We didn’t have the time to get into it deeply, but I’m always watching the news about Trump and America; I always watch. When he first suggested a collaboration, I was like, “What should we do?” We could just do you know, a common hip-hop song, but I wanted to do a little more special. We have our political situation in Korea and the students are very angry. So, I think, if we talked about what’s going on, then we’ll have a real special collaboration. I think my guess was right and it became special.

Do you see or feel your influence among other groups in the industry?

​Jungkook: When we debuted back in 2013, we were influenced by our sunbaenim [Korean word for “senior”]. Over the years, as we watched other younger groups, we know they talk about us, they cover us and they follow us. I think they’re saying in interviews that they learned a lot from us and that makes us feel great. Being a sunbaenim, we want to be a good influence and be a better role model to other groups.

Last question, are you happy?

V: For now, we are very happy as we are, as a group, together. And I think we are happy because we are walking on the same path, walking the same direction. We wanted to get Daesang [Best of the Year award], but we have it already so our goal is to make great music, to share it with our fans.

Rap Monster: And a worldwide, stadium tour. That’s the goal.

V: We have grander goals.

© Jeff Benjamin @ Billboard

How To: Develop Your Characters

I think we’ve all been in the situation where we want to write about a specific character but have no idea how to approach it. For some reason, despite them being your own character, you have no idea how they would act or what they would say in a certain situation. Sometimes, if you even write about your character(s) at all, when you read it back they seem fake or 2-Dimensional. Unrealistic, if you’d prefer.

In this post, I am going to give you some exercises to get past hollow characters and help develop your writing. 

1) Empty Their Pockets

Pretty simple. Think of what your characters would have in their pockets on a day-to-day basis. It doesn’t have to be anything super extraordinary, of course. Just start writing some everyday items down and think about whether your character would have these items in their pockets. 

Let’s take a look at one I did for my characters earlier. (sorry that just sounded like something from Blue Peter)

For example:

Character A’s Pockets Contained:

pack of gum, empty pack of cigarettes, library card, NOKIA brick phone

So, here a few things you can tell about Character A simply through the items in their pockets. They visit the library often, meaning that they probably have a high interest in reading (this also could be a sign of intelligence). Judging by the fact Character A has both a pack of gum and cigarettes this could indicate a potential smoking habit, chewing gum is a known way for helping people quit smoking. The pack of cigarettes could show that they are not very good at restricting themselves and could in fact be addicted and finding it hard to cope with smoking. Finally, the NOKIA brick phone shows how they may want to feel connected to people or want to allow their friends/family members/whoever to be able to contact them but have no desire to get the latest model of phone or perhaps believe that having such a device would distract them unnecessarily. 

When doing this exercise, think about key objects which portray certain details about your character! Try not to overthink it too much, write whatever comes to mind and put it down on the page! After writing down a couple objects, go back through them and feel free to edit out items you think are unnecessary or add items which you think would suit the character. 

2) Go Through Their Daily Routine

Again, another easily explained exercise. Go through a regular day in your character’s life, try and do this exercise as if it was happening before whatever events occur in your story or novel. This way it makes it easier to understand your character before they met a secondary character in the novel or before whatever events happened in your writing which may affect their routine. You don’t need to include every single detail in your description, just brief notes or key events which occur during their day would be fine. You can make it as short or as long as you wish, maybe don’t just do it for one day in your character’s week perhaps do it for multiple days. 

Does their routine change during the week? What time do they wake up? What time do they go to sleep? Are they punctual with going to work? Do they do any other activities outside their day-job? These are the kind of things you may want to ask yourself when writing it. 

3) Give Them Fears/Phobias

Everyone fears something: whether it be a phobia of spiders or oblivion, everyone has a fear. Giving your character a phobia makes them seem more realistic, it allows your reader to easily relate to your character.

However, just having a phobia for the sake of it doesn’t help develop your character at all. If you give them a terrible phobia of snakes and they come across a snake and suddenly within moments are able to get over their fear just like that, it’s not a phobia. It’s more of a mild inconvenience than anything else. The reader needs to feel convinced by their fears, they would feel more dissatisfied with your writing if they felt the character could dismiss anything and everything than knowing them being confronted by their fears could be a possible problem. Besides, it would give them no reason to motivate or encourage the character if they knew it was impossible for them to be defeated by anything. Still, this does not mean that your character has to be destroyed by their fear. There is a very big difference between simply dismissing your character’s fear and perhaps overcoming it in the future.

An easy way to write your character possibly overcoming their fear in the future is that when they first encounter that fear, add an element of chance or fate into it. For example, if a character were to move to get away from the creature which may be coming towards them; in the process of getting up, they could slip which could cause their legs to lash out towards the creature. The sudden movement may just be enough to scare the creature away, this way it does not appear to the reader as ridiculous or uncharacteristic courage but instead accidental bravery. This sudden revelation that the character’s horrible fear may not be as all powerful as they first thought could be the first step for them to slowly overcome that fear.

Don’t believe me? Let’s think about this for a moment. Imagine your character, let’s call them the Protagonist™, is stuck in a terrible situation. It doesn’t matter what the situation is but let’s say it’s something which involves them being trapped in a room with a snake. I’m going to give you two examples, both involving the same situation.

Example #1:

Protagonist watched with wide eyes as the snake slowly slithered towards them. The snake paused for a moment, it hissed lowly as it waited for Protagonist to move, waiting for the right moment to strike.  Not hesitating for a single moment, they suddenly realised how dire the situation was and jumped to their feet. Their heart pumping wildly as their body was filled with adrenaline, they were terrified yet they had to do something. Protagonist grabbed the nearest thing to them and stepped towards the snake.

“Get away!” They threatened, “Get away!”

Example #2:

Protagonist watched with wide eyes as the snake slowly slithered towards them. The snake paused for a moment, it hissed lowly as it waited for Protagonist to move, waiting for the right moment to strike. The blood in Protagonist’s veins ran cold as the snake grew closer and closer, Protagonist couldn’t move. They begged and screamed on the inside to move away, to get away as far as possible. They had lost all control of their movement, their fear had consumed them. They were frozen to the spot and could only watch as the snake widened it’s jaw, ready to bite down on it’s prey. It widened it’s jaw once, twice - suddenly, Protagonist gained back their instincts. Fleeing seemed like the only realistic option and seconds before the snake could chomp down on their ankle, Protagonist stumbled to their feet. They stumbled backwards into a puddle of water which had pooled behind them and their ankle rolled as they slipped, their legs accidentally lashing out towards the predator. The snake recoiled backwards in shock before deciding that the risk wasn’t worth it: it quickly retreated back to it’s nest, disappearing from Protagonist’s view.

Now, hopefully you see what I mean. I think we can all agree that the second example is a lot better than the first one. 

4) Create Their Flaws/Bad Habits

No one is perfect, this includes your characters. 

If you’re finding it challenging to think of any flaws, try to think of some bad habits. It doesn’t have to be anything so terribly bad that’s it’s illegal. Think simple when it comes to this exercise. It can range from anything between chewing their nails to swearing. 

It might help to try and develop these bad habits into possible flaws or weaknesses. If your character keeps biting their nails that might be a sign of nervousness or anxiety. So, creating bad habits might be a good way to show a certain trait your character may possess. 

Flaws are important as well. Let’s be realistic, if no character had any flaws then every single book we read would be filled with a bunch of characters which are exactly the same. Besides, what’s a hero without it’s villain? 

So, to give you a few ideas, let’s go back to superheroes. Maybe a hero is so set on doing the right thing that they lose sight of what they want? Perhaps it gets to a certain point where they can’t handle that hollow feeling inside of them that they grow arrogant, selfish or even stubborn? There’s a story for you right there. 

Not only that, by giving your characters flaws it is possible that you could work that into your story somehow. This way, not only will you get to show off your amazing character development, but it could also be an exciting point in your storyline.

Write down some ideas, think of flawed personality traits and just write them down! Try to write down at least five straight off the bat, for each one you don’t like you should think about why it doesn’t suit your character. You’re bound to find one flaw you’re happy with!

5) Write Some Scenarios

Now that you’ve developed your characters, go ahead and write them in your story! If you think you still need a bit of practice, try writing something about them being in a certain scenario. It could be anything from ordering their favourite coffee to being trapped in a prison: just write it! Try not to think about it too much, just do whatever feels write (I unintentionally made that pun but i’m not deleting it). 

It doesn’t have to be long either, just a couple paragraphs would be fine. Try to focus on body movements and interior thoughts, it would be ideal if your character was on their own in the situation: that way you can get to know the character on their own a lot better. No other characters means no distractions. It’s just you, the wonderful author, and your character - there is an endless amount of possibilities for you! 


Have faith in yourself too! Nobody knows your brilliantly developed characters better than you do, so here’s your chance to show them off! If you’d like a second opinion, write something about them and give it to a friend/parent/random stranger etc. to read! If they don’t want to, make them read it anyway! 

I hope this helps you all in developing your characters! 

Happy writing!

- jess

{PART 29} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; After a much needed rest, you wake up to find that your world - as a Vampire, is still filled with the same love from Jungkook as it was when you were human. Decisions must be made - but you know that you’ll never have to walk alone.

“Without her, his mind became an empty vessel; filled with crippling emptiness and sorrow. But with her, his days would be forever filled with endless love and possibilities. For that; was the power of her love.

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time) 

{Part 1} //{Part 28} {Part 29} {Final Chapter: Part 30}

Keep reading

Get Out.

Originally posted by tess453

Peter Parker x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Deciding to stay in for a date, Peter and the Reader are faced with annoying and embarrassing comments from the whole team, who are unaware of their relationship.

Word Count: 2,428

Warnings: language, fluff, annoying avengers (??), embarrassed!Peter, embarrassed!Reader, cuteness, LOTR trilogy. (Let me know if I missed any)

A/N: Alright homies, I apologize it has taken me so long to upload something. I’ve been reaally stressed. So hopefully this is okay? For the anon that requested this, I hope you like it. I’d love some feedback, as always. Enjoy reading!


Dark, gray clouds blocked any source of light from shining through the big, thick glass windows surrounding every inch of the building.

The entire tower was filled with a solemn mood that spread into every corner and room.

Most of the team dreaded days like these, since it put a damper on their mood, (especially Steve).

You, however, cherished days like these the most.

It’s where you find your peace and inner self, no matter how depressing that may sound.

It helps you relax and release any stresses that corrupt your thoughts.

But the best reason of all is that you don’t have to leave the house, even if you had a date with Peter tonight.

However, thinking that idea through, you realized something.

The whole team would be here.

With Peter and you.

During your date.

Well, fuck.

Keep reading

Dear future daughter,


I wanted to write this as a sort of time capsule, so that you would know how your mother was at sixteen and what I expect of you as my daughter.

I love music and singing, and I expect I’ll put you for music classes early on, unless you don’t like singing and composing which is completely okay.
You can quit and join karate or anything you want.
I won’t force you, instead I’ll let you find your own path in life, like my mom let me.

You wanna ride horses? Cool. I liked that too.
You wanna go for kickboxing and learn how to defend yourself? Cool.
You wanna do ballet and enthrall the audience with your magnificent coordination? Amazing.

Anything you want to do babe, I am hundred percent right behind you.

I am big on reading as well, and this may sound odd, but unlike dancing or singing, I would very much adore it if you loved reading as much as me.
I will introduce it gently of course, by telling you adventure stories I wrote for you, about bears and fairies, and any thing you like.
Then I would introduce all sorts of new books, the same ones my mom introduced to me,Malory Towers, St. Claires, Tin-Tin’s, Secret Seven and so on.
If you don’t like reading, I understand.
I hope you do, though.

I am really sorry but you may or may not have my acne.
I am so sorry, I know how much you suffer trying to talk to that cute boy who’s the next Zac Efron, or how hard you try to cover it up.
Or how much you cry over something that someone said about your skin.
I wish I could change things in that department but I can’t. You have combination skin just like me, and it only gets better everyday, and soon enough a beautiful sense of maturity and compassion will bloom, like those Violets you adore.

You might deal with a lot of appearance issues, and trust me, even all the way back in 2017, we still have them.
Let me tell you this, your weight is just the relationship you have with gravity.
It doesn’t define your intellect, beauty, the amount of love you can give to the universe around you.
W=m x g
That’s all weight is.
So eat that pizza, gobble that pancake and never starve yourself.
I am not saying don’t be healthy and exercise, oh no, but its okay to be kind to yourself once in a while.

Career.
Tricky.
I am not going to say I am not going to behind your grades, or behind you to keep them up, but I will give you a chance to improve if you mess up, which you will and thats okay.
That’s life.
To me, do what you love.
Do something that keeps you happy, something that keeps you interested.
Do something that makes you excited to walk into work.
I hope I am doing the same honestly.
To me, education is not just about books and grades, and the colleges you get into.
I’ve probably taken you to so many places in the world, and all that you’ve learned, all the food you’ve eaten, all the cultures you’ve experienced, that is what you have truly experienced. Of course, it won’t pay your bills and it sure as hell won’t help you get to college, but it will make you better citizens of this earth, better human beings, more accepting, less judgmental.

Love.
Oh my, honey, you are going to fall so hard.
For a broken boy with broken promises.
With the talented singer.
With the most popular boy in school.
With someone half way across the world.

In the end, after everyone, you will realize you don’t need to settle for someone who makes you feel terrible about yourself, you just need someone who treats you like the princess you are.
Trust me, its not the prettiest or the most popular that gets to be the keeper of your precious heart.

Of course, if you decide you don’t want to be in a relationship, that’s great.
You’re a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone to tell her how downright amazing she is.
(feminist alert! haha)

Trust me.
They are going to break you, shatter you, make you feel like you can never love again.
You will love again though.
Again and again.

(You can change the genders above to suit you)
I expect by the time you are old enough to realize who you love, who you’re attracted to, it won’t matter.
I hope for Goodness sakes, we live in progressive times.
If we don’t, I will love you no matter what, if you’re bi, demi, gender fluid or anyone.
I will love you the same.
Coming out will be the easiest thing you will ever have to do, I promise.

Religion
Well, I am an agnostic, but if you decide that you want to follow a religion I will allow it.
Preferably Hinduism because that would make my mom and dad, (your grandma and grandpa happy) but if its Buddhism, Christianity or any religion, be my guest.
Explore, decide and tell me.
I will respect you if you decide to believe in a higher power, because I think that takes a certain amount of strength.

I might get mad at you, scream, cry and you have to realize I am not perfect.
Far from it.
I just want you to be a nice, respectful and loving human being.
Your grades and talents are secondary to me.
Sure I might not buy everything you want me to, but I promise I will provide you with everything you need.

I need to leave now, but it’s been great getting to know you,
this is sixteen year old me signing out.

SATISFIED: Lams version

Mulligan:
Alright, this is what I’m talkin bout! Give it up, for the Best Man, John Laurens!

Laurens:
A toast to the groom!
(to the groom, to the groom, to the groom)
To the bride!
(to the bride, to the bride, to the bride)
From your best friend
(Laurens, Laurens, Laurens)
Who is always by your side
(by your side, by your side)
To your union and the hope that you provide
(you provide, you provide)
May you always (always)
Be satisfied (rewind)

Rewind!
Rewind!
I remember that night, I just might
I remember that night, I just might
I remember that night, I remember that

I remember that night, I just might
Regret that night for the rest of my days
I remember us soldier boys
Drinking and toasting ourselves to our future praise
I remember that pub light candlelight
Like a dream that you can’t quite place
But Alexander, I’ll never forget the first time I saw your face

I have never been the same
Intelligent eyes and a witty ass nickname
And when you said “Hi” I forgot my dang name
Set my heart aflame, ev'ry part aflame
This is not a game…

Hamilton:
You strike me as a man who has never been satisfied

Laurens:
I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, you forget yourself

Hamilton:
You’re like me, I’ve never been satisfied

Laurens:
Is that right?

Hamilton:
I have never been satisfied

Laurens:
My name’s John Laurens

Hamilton:
Alexander Hamilton

Laurens:
Where are you from?

Hamilton:
Unimportant, though I can already tell I like you a lot.
Just you wait, just you wait…

Laurens:
So so so
So this is what it feels like to match thoughts
With someone at your level! What the hell is the catch? It’s
The feeling of freedom, of joy and pride
Maybe with him I won’t have to hide? You see him right?
The conversation lasted over two drinks, maybe three drinks
Ev'rything we said in total agreement, it’s
A dream and it’s a bit of a dance
A bit of a posture, it’s a bit of a stance
He flirts with me in his notes, and I give him the chance
I tell him bout my plans, do you see his face tho?
Dumbstruck, listening at the edge of his seat.
He’s fallen hard, you can tell by the knowable seam in his pants
Handsome, boy, does he know it!
Peach fuzz, and he can’t even grow it!
I wanna take him far away from this place
Then I’ve gotta leave to fight, leading my men at a quick pace
Then I get a note that leaves tears on my face he is

Eliza:
Helpless

Laurens:
And I know she is

Eliza:
Helpless

Laurens:
And her eyes are just

Eliza:
Helpless

Laurens
And I realize three fundamental truths at the exact same time
I’m a man in a world in which
My only job is to keep my title rich
My father has no other sons so I’m the one
Who’ll lead the black battalion the one
Cause I’m the oldest and the wittiest and the slavery in
Our new nation is insidious
And Alexander is penniless
Ha! That doesn’t mean I want him any less
(Doesn’t mean I want him any less)
(Doesn’t mean I want him any less)
(Doesn’t mean I want him any less)

He tells me he likes me a lot, that confuses the shit outta me
I’d have to be green to not see what he means
I don’t reply
Now there’s Eliza
Now that’s his bride
Nice going, Laurens, he was right
You will never be satisfied
(I will never be satisfied)
(I will never be satisfied)

I know my best friend like I know my own mind
You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind
If I tell him that I love him he would toss her to the side
He’d be mine
She would say, “I’m fine”
But she’d be lying

But when I fantasize at night
It’s Alexander’s eyes
As I romanticize what might have been
If I hadn’t left
so quickly
At least my dear Eliza’s his wife
At least I keep his letters in my life…

to the groom!
(to the groom, to the groom, to the groom)
To the bride!
(to the bride, to the bride, to the bride)
From your best friend
(Laurens, Laurens, Laurens)
Who is always by your side
(by your side, by your side)
To your union and the hope that you provide
(you provide, you provide)
May you always
Be satisfied

And I know
She’ll be happy as his bride
And I know
He will never be satisfied
I will never be satisfied

bad | 05

 he was the cliché bad boy. he was the guy you couldn’t stand. he was the handsome, hot kid who made girls go weak in the knees. he was a brat. you had never liked him one bit, but you had also never gotten involved with anything concerning him. until one day, when you were in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Originally posted by 7bboys

TITLE: bad | 05

MEMBER: jeon jungkook x reader

GENRE: future smut, romance, fluff, badboy!jungkook

WORDS: 7 159

WARNINGS: mature themes, language

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07coming soon ↠ 

A/N: I hope ya’ll have fun reading this. hopefully it quenches some thirst- what? fucken not today teaser got me shook as fuck, I screamed out loud! and thank you so much for all the sweet messages <3 sry for taking so long

masterlist

Keep reading

Yuri on Ice interview translation - PASH! 2017/03 (p11) (Q&A part)

Here’s the Q&A part that was published with the episode commentary and I didn’t have time to translate the other day.

Regarding the question about Chris’ acquaintance, you may want to read the report of the other day’s talk show to get a more complete idea.

(Side note: I still haven’t had time to answer some of the questions I received, please wait a little… I will also work on the very long interview with Kubo on the magazine Febri from tonight. Interview rush this month, really.)

***If you wish to share this translation please do it by reblogging or posting a link to it***

***Re-translating into other languages is ok but please mention that this post is the source***


Mitsurou Kubo presents Q&A exhibition!!!
We asked Kubo-san about curiosities that didn’t fit the commentary, in a Q&A format.

Q. Why is Victor cold to JJ?
A. He genuinely doesn’t care (LOL). He doesn’t even remember JJ’s name correctly, but that’s because he is the type of person that doesn’t try to remember things he isn’t interested about. It’s not like he’s looking down or him or doesn’t get along, he really just doesn’t care. Until this point we hadn’t clearly shown Victor not being interested in someone, so I was thinking about a character who wouldn’t feel hurt even if Victor didn’t care about him… and realized that it could only be JJ. In fact, he wasn’t really bothered.

Q. What is Victor to JJ?
A. I think he is someone he has to challenge. The type of person he wants to confront and beat when they’re both in their very best condition. He would never want to win because Victor is in a bad condition or just out of a slump. More than admiring him, I think he wants to be his equal rival. And he believes that if he does his best he will get the gold medal. Therefore, to avoid looking at Victor like someone who is no match for him, he takes the liberty of speaking with him in that overfamiliar way. But I think that JJ is currently the one who is fighting against the fear of losing more than anyone else. It also looks like he didn’t really have a good relationship with his previous coaches and people didn’t understand him.

Q. Is Victor worried about the “whorl” of hair on his head?
A. More than Victor, this is something many Russian people care about. Though in Victor’s case I think it’s more like his hairline than the whorl (LOL). But I think that having such a weakness makes him a fascinating person. Before the FS in episode 7 Yuuri even presses the top of his head while a large audience is watching. In this scene I wanted to do something that people wouldn’t actually do in the real figure skating world, I had fun drawing it.

Q. We want to know more about Otabek!
A. In his private life he is also a DJ, and he’s kind of a street style guy. He actually has many mischievous friends. That’s why he finds Yurio really cool, because he has so many things that Otabek doesn’t have and admires. And he’s also the type who doesn’t give importance to hierarchies, so Yurio was happy that he wanted them to be equals. So you figure what happens when he asks him “will you come or not?”… (LOL)

Q. Who is the handsome guy always together with Chris?
A. He’s a man from the Swiss Skating Federation. I created him because I didn’t want Chris to feel lonely (LOL). I’m not going to say anything about what his relationship with Chris is, but we believe that he’s a former ice dancer that belongs to the Federation.

Q. We want to know some secret anecdotes about the last episode!
A. When I wrote the storyboard, I added “They say Katsuki is retiring.” as a subtitle. For Victor’s line I also considered “the ‘katsu’ in ‘Katsuki’ is the ‘katsu’ from ‘selfish’!*”, but I thought “nah, Victor is not that good at Japanese” and I didn’t use it (LOL). Also, in the storyboard there was a scene where Yuuri, before skating, is trying to tell Yurio that he’s going to retire but in the end isn’t able to tell him. But there was no time, so it was cut in the anime…
[*translator’s note: “Selfish” in Japanese can be said “jibunkatte” 自分勝手, where the kanji for the “kat(su)” part is the same kanji as the “Katsu” in “Katsuki” 勝生. I’m glad she didn’t use that because it would have been impossible to translate properly… though Victor does still use the word “jibunkatte” in the episode. Also, in the end they are supposed to be speaking in English together, so yeah. By the way, the subtitle she originally thought, which in Japanese is “Katsuki, intai suru’tte yo” is probably a reference to the title of the novel “The Kirishima Thing”  that in Japanese is “Kirishima, bukatsu yameru’tte yo” and was adapted into a movie. The ’~tte yo’ wording has kind of become popular after that.]

Q. How did you decide the way Victor cries?
A. I drew it so that Victor’s tears wouldn’t stream down his cheeks but “drop from the tip of his eyelashes”. Sometimes people who aren’t used to crying do not move their facial muscles and don’t wipe their tears, so they just trickle down. The way Victor cries is something I had already roughly sketched in a meeting with the director.

Q. Why didn’t Phichit talk to Yuuri about his dream?
A. I think the reason Phichit-kun still hasn’t talked to Yuuri about his dream of holding an ice show in Thailand is that he too wants to surprise him. They have this kind of relationship. I think that all skaters, even if this time they couldn’t achieve their best results, are thinking about what they can do to create a skating world that they can enjoy even more than now, and about what they can do for their home countries.

Q. Why does Michele speak in the Hiroshima dialect?
A. In the setting he is from Naples and speaks English with an Italian accent, so to express that I decided that he would speak in Hiroshima dialect.

Q. Tell us how you feel now that the series is over and about the future!
A. I am very well aware that you are all hoping for a continuation of the show, and with director Yamamoto we always talk about what we would like to do if we ever have the chance to work again with the staff that has gathered to make this series. We still do not know if a “St. Petersburg arc” would be the best. However, it’s definitely not something that I can do alone, and to draw this series again we would need to collect a lot of information and find many new things. It wasn’t a series that was possible to create just inside my head. But we must create something convincing, otherwise people are not going to follow us, and it wouldn’t come true. More than anything, the thought that we might not see Yuuri, Victor, Yurio and the other characters again makes us sadder than anyone else. Actually, I’m going to go on a trip abroad with the director soon (LOL), and we are planning to talk about the future too. I hope we have time to discuss carefully about what lies ahead for “Yuri on Ice”, and I’ll be happy if you keep on supporting us in the meantime.


Character Arcs Continued

Make sure you remember part one (x)

Please Note: This is absolutely not the only version of the character arc that you will ever see. There are certainly different versions where the points vary, but I chose to explain this one as it has points in common with many others and it is easy to follow.

Every important character should have an arc that carries alongside the plot. This adds a layer of complexity and shows growth in your character. Though roles and patterns are made to be broken, one of the most accepted structures for a character arc looks something like this. Let’s break it down.

Keep reading

OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?
TT: Will I just cease to exist?
TG: i dont know
TG: i mean your whole timeline will
TG: maybe
TT: Maybe?
TT: Is there a chance it’ll continue to exist, and I’ll just be here alone forever?
TT: I’m not sure which outcome is more unsettling.
TG: the thing with time travel is
TG: you cant overthink it
TG: just roll with it and see what happens
TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded
TT: What do you think I should do?
TG: try going to sleep
TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think
TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen
TT: Ok.
TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word “self” and still understand what we’re talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.)  Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending.  Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably

Yuri on Ice BD audio commentary translation - Volume 3

Translation of the audio commentary of the BD/DVD vol.3, by Mitsurou Kubo and Junichi Suwabe, voice actor of Victor Nikiforov. I really wanted to post this before the weekend because I’m not going to be home a lot, so I decided “well, I might just not sleep tonight and translate this instead”… This time there are some parts that I translated almost integrally. They talk a lot about Victor, especially Suwabe’s struggle to get into the role. It provides insight while at the same time not providing… since apparently it’s very hard to guess what is “right” when talking about Victor. I’m sure you will get what I mean if you read what they say…

The commentary is only for episode 6. Episode 5 has no commentary. It’s not a full translation but I summarized most of what they said, and as I wrote above some parts are almost completely translated. As in the previous ones, the format is different from normal interview translations, and you can find my comments too (mostly in brackets).

Translation under the post because it’s long. Enjoy!


Keep reading

Sex Worker's Guide: Red Flags & Translation (especially for Newbies)

This guide is more useful for Sugar babies but other branches of the industry should still be aware of these lines. I’ve compiled a list of common things I’ve heard/read on POT’s profiles or have had clients/SD’s message me, and I’ve taken the liberty of sharing “the translation” and footnotes attached.

•"No hookers, prostitutes, whores, etc"
-You need to run as fast as your pretty heels can you carry you away from this guy. The word “hooker” was intentionally chosen to discourage SB’s to ask for allowance.
-This is the oldest trick in the book by old pervy men. He hopes that he’ll tap into your insecurity of being seen as a whore so you’ll feel ashamed when you bring up HIS side of the MUTUALLY beneficial arrangement.

•"You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, would you?“
GURRRRRL, you’re not a car. You’re a human being. He’s gotten his “test drive” to check out his “merchandise” when you granted him the privilege of a meet and greet. Don’t fall for this. He’s gonna ghost on you after sleeping with you as many times as he can. You get to view a house before buying, not live in it.

•"I don’t believe in allowances but I’m generous. I want to show you fine dining, and experiences you wouldn’t be able to experience otherwise.“
-Roughly translates to “I’m gonna spend just a few bucks more than I would on normal courtship habits I would for women twice your age. You should feel so honored to be able to eat a steak meal now that it should be enough to get you on both your knees.”
-Ladies, the money he spends on a 5 star dinner isn’t for YOU. It’s expenses he’s spending on HIMSELF because HE gets to show off a hot woman like yourself at said restaurant. You’re not getting paid. You’re simply giving your service away for free.

•"I’m young, unlike the other guys on here. I don’t need to pay for sex.“
Group A: Young millennial men deluded into thinking they offer something so spectacular that women in need of money will drop their financial needs to cater to the ego of a kid.
Group B: (ages 29+): I’m not that young but I don’t want to admit it. I probably spend way too much money on hair dyes or gym regimens in an attempt to fool myself that I’m just as good looking as the women I’m messaging on here.

•"I will send/bring your allowance next week (some other time), I promise.”
-It really means “I promise you ain’t seeing a penny out of me but I’m gonna say the most genuine sounding lines so I can bring you to my hotel room.”.
-Any wealthy man should be able to access his OWN money before the designated date of intimacy. Always remember, no money, no honey.

•"I’m generous in other ways… ;)“
-"I’ve had the fortune of having exceptionally skilled sex partners in the past who’ve convinced me my dick is God’s gift to women. Unfortunately, I failed to realize women fake it much more often than I’d like to admit.”

•He just requests your photos without even so much as an introduction.
-He’s 9/10 a photo collector. Ignore him.
-If he’s the 1/10 that isn’t a photo collector, he’s gonna be an asshole. Can you imagine if a man in real life just went up to you and pulled down your shirt without saying anything? Ignore him too.

•"I thought part of our arrangement was that you’re at my beck and call. Why do you take so long to respond to my messages?“
-Unless you agreed to have an EXCLUSIVE arrangement, he’s trying to squeeze as much out of you as he can.
-Remember ladies, he’s buying a SERVICE. A service that is limited to the set days you BOTH agreed to. That’s it. He is buying you as a service, not a girlfriend. Gently remind him of that.

•"Cmon, I’ve been paying you/seeing you for awhile now. You can at least trust me with your real name, school, work, etc.”
-Any variation of that is a SERIOUS red flag. I’ve had clients of years try to guilt me. I’ve always either smiled then tell them I don’t feel comfortable or I flat out lie about facts.
-There’s a chance he just wants to connect with you but there’s a much higher chance of him blackmailing you in the future. These are powerful men who got to where they are by being cunning and having upper hands. Don’t think you’ll be spared if you ever accidentally upset him.
-The biggest thing I must say is: YOU DON’T OWE YOUR CLIENTS/SD’S JACKSHIT except the service they paid for. Your own personal life is NOT inclusive in your service. Keep it separate.

•If on a meet and greet he asks or tells you to go to his hotel room or somewhere private.
-Never go until the arrangement has been made. By made, I mean the cash or funds have already been paid to you.
-Semi-common for them to lure young girls and rape them.

I’m sure there are many more that I can’t remember now. I might make a part two depending on if people find this useful. Feel free to comment more red flags you’ve experience. Make that money. 💸💸💸 Stay safe, ladies. 👍🏻
Ruby Rose’s Letter

“Hey, sis.

I hope my letters have been reaching you and Dad. I know written stuff has never been super reliable, but… I guess it’s all we’ve got these days. Anyways, in case you haven’t been getting them, I want to say… I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. I know you told me it was a reckless idea, and after everything I’ve been through, I can definitely say you were right.

“It’s been hard, hard on all of us, and I’m not just talking about the monsters we’ve fought out here. Every step we made took us further and further away from the things we knew, and every morning, we woke up wondering if just over the next hill would be something good… or something terrible. It’s scary, not knowing what’s going to happen next. And the things we do know now - just how bad it can get - almost makes it all worse.

“You told me once that bad things just happen. You were angry when you said it, and I didn’t want to listen. But you were right; bad things do happen. They happen all the time… every day. Which is why I’m out here. To do whatever I can, wherever I can, and hopefully, do some good.

“We’ve all lost something. I’ve seen what loss can do to people. But if we gave up every time we lost, then we’d never be able to move forward. We’d never have a chance to see whatever beautiful things the future might have waiting for us. We’d never have the strength to change, whether it’s ourselves, or the world around us. And we’d never be there for other people, who one day, might be lost without us. This is what we were training for, Yang - to become Huntresses. To be the ones stand up, and do something about all the bad in the world… because there are plenty of people out there who are still lost, and even more who will try to gain everything they can from their sorrow.

“Believe me when I say I know it can feel impossible. Like every single day is a struggle against some unstoppable monster we can never hope to beat. But we have to try… if not for us, then for the people we’ve already… for the people we haven’t lost yet. 

“I miss you so much. I miss Weiss and Blake, too. But I think you’d all be proud to know I made it to Mistral. All of us did. And we even ran into Uncle Qrow along the way. He’s going to take us to see Professor Lionheart, the headmaster of Haven Academy. And he told us some things you’re going to want to hear - things I can’t trust will make it to you in this letter. But maybe if you joined us, he could tell you himself. With Beacon gone, they’ll need Dad at Signal more than ever. I know you need to focus on yourself before I can expect you to come out with me, but it sure would be great to get Team RWBY back together again.

“Until next time, your loving sister.” 

anonymous asked:

I know that you're old enough to be writing about sex, hence you don't have to give a shit about it but I think it's unfair that many fanfic writers feel obligated to write smut to receive attention and recognition only because so many people are biased. Angst and fluff writers don't really get the chance to show their talents and you can compare most of a writers fic notes and 9/10 their smuts will have 30% more notes than their other stories what kind of sucks. What do you think?

I think preach the fuck out of this. I completely, one hundred and ten percent agree with you and I am certain that many of my other fellow fanfic writers agree too – in fact, I know they do as this is a discussion that has come up plenty of times when conversing with them, and they share the precise same opinion as both you and I do. No matter the age of the writer, it is definitely something to give a shit about because it develops an “unhealthy” writing pattern where the writer, despite their level of experience with writing fanfics (though it can certainly be a defining factor for first-time fic writers and whether they “make it or break it” in the fandom’s fic scene), can begin to doubt whether to write or post a story, solely due to the fact that it does not include smut.

Personally, when planning most of my ideas, they generally begin without any smut unless the main focus of the story is sex itself, like An Oath For Sinners is. But I always notice once I am at a certain point of developing upon the idea, I will end up narrowing the direction of the plot down to two questions: “Will it include smut? Is smut a detrimental piece of the plot, and, if not, will that ultimately minimize the audience that will end up reading the story if I cease to include at least one sex scene?” It is a sad truth, most especially since hundreds of successful young adult novels never pass the barrier of kissing, or even have a romantic element in the first place, yet we as fic writers feel the dire necessity to involve at least a blowjob in order to appeal to a wider audience in the fanbase.

This is also not to say that writing smut is a bad thing because hey, like I said, I literally have a series dedicated to a girl who is an escort and it was something that I genuinely wished to write. But there are many, many ideas that I have put on the backburner because they cease to fit smut into the plot, and I have read a ginormous number of fics that have been without smut, yet are absolutely incredible nonetheless. Though you are right – those fics definitely lacked the 30% extra recognition because of it.

Continuing on, most of us write for ourselves. I certainly do, as the vast majority of my fics are based on ideas that I have developed myself; hence why I rarely take requests from the public. But that does not mean we wish to have zero feedback on a piece we have slaved over for days, as hearing the voices of our readers provides us an insight on the elements they enjoyed that we will then proceed to weave throughout our future pieces. We still desire to appeal to an audience, and at least eighty percent of the time in regards to fanfiction, you have to include a smut scene to do just that.

So I will completely admit that it is a punch to the gut to see that my smut-based oneshot Do You Feel It Sugar? has over a thousand responses in comparison to A Ticket To The Sun that, even still, has a very vague smut scene that I put in there to draw an audience to a genre (dystopia) that can be touch and go when it comes to piquing a reader’s intrigue. It might sound ridiculous, but it begins to plant seeds of doubt in my mind where I think: “Is my writing only considered good if I slather it with sex, and then more sex?” This most especially occurs if I receive a message that asks whether the future chapters of a series I am writing will include smut, which I have been questioned about for The Orange Girl, The Devil Skates On Thin Ice, An Eternity of Red, etcetera.

I am not saying that all fic writers may think such a thing, but that kind of thought process especially occurs to me as somebody who is pursuing writing as a career. It happens all the more so when I reflect on my first persona, sugasmut, which was hitting follower milestones on a fortnightly basis because these people adored reading my collection of fics that I will freely admit were baseless, pwp smuts that hardly ever breached 3,000 words. Now, I am putting out stories that generally exceed a count of 10,000 words, have fully planned out plots with much less smut and more extensive character development – but I rarely receive twenty new followers a week. I am not stating that to sound selfish or upset, because I really could not mind how large or small my follower count is, but rather to show a comparison of what most people are desiring to read. And that, very clearly, is plotless smut.

Let me tell you that there is a grand audience of those who could not care less for reading smut and enjoy a fic just as much without it, and I do certainly have plenty of those types of readers amongst my followers that I am ever grateful for. Yet no matter that, the obligation to write a smut scene lays heavy upon my own, and many other writers’ shoulders if they are hoping to branch out and reach a wider audience, which yeah, can really suck!

Please stop the hate for Touka

The amount of hate for Touka in the ship tag is ridiculous, like people straight up wish her to die because her relationship with Kaneki is “unhealthy” and “abusive” or just so that their ships won’t go down. Meanwhile Touka was the one who trained Kaneki when he first became a ghoul, who risked her life to save him from Aogiri, and also the one who decided to wait for him if Kaneki ever returned and built :re as a place he could call home.

She even went so far as saying she would have sex with him if it meant he could have a reason to stay and know that people truly cared about him. Touka is neither insane nor obsessed, she had grown out of her bitter phase towards CCG in TG and become a calm and more understanding person in TG: re who knows what she wants, who wishes for Kaneki to live and is willing to stay by his side no matter what.

And all of that was unhealthy just because she hit Kaneki a few times or kept him waiting for a couple hours while she literally waited for him for 3 years without knowing whether or not he would come back, and even accepted to stay away if Kaneki could live peacefully as Haise? No, it is not.

 I get that you have your freedom of choosing whom to ship, and I don’t hate any of the ships within the fandom, but was it necessary to wish Touka dead while she has repeatedly been shown to be the only possible person Kaneki might have romantic feelings for throughout the series by Ishida himself since day one? Ship all you want, I don’t care, I know how it feels to ship non-canon couples or crack ships, but it does not mean insulting the female character is okay under any circumstances. That just makes shippers become ugly to the fandom. And even if she dies in the future, your ships have almost zero chance of becoming canon because this is not BL nor would it be the right direction of the manga. Ishida never states that Kaneki has romantic feelings for any male characters throughout the series, and suddenly having him fall in love with other female characters is just plain weird. Kaneki is someone who had been through so much that he hardly found romance in anyone anymore, Rize is basically a plot device and the cause for his tragic life, Akira and Amon are canon, Eto is presumably dead and had fucked Kaneki up badly before, Hinami is his little sister, Miza is a Aogiri member that barely interacted with him before Goat, Mutsuki is a bit fucked up in the head and someone he considers a student just as Saiko. Looking at the full picture of TG, Touka is the only woman who was fully established and developed alongside Kaneki as a possible love interest for him and explicitly told Kaneki she liked him that way. I mean, even his Haise personality had a crush on her. I perceive Haise as someone Kaneki would have become had he not been involved in the past tragedies, who actually had time to think about a love life and be happy as a normal person, and that side of him also chose Touka to be a love interest.

Canon evidence and yet people still think Kaneki won’t be happy with Touka by his side. This is the most healthy relationship Kaneki/Haise can possibly have within the messed up world of his already, and there is nothing more I love for Kaneki than to find someone who truly loves him and stays by his side so that he can develop into a more positive and cheerful person. So please, do not spread hate to the ship tag or Ishida just because your ships did not come true.

Klance Recs #2

A Kiss is a Kiss (But it’s never like this) by GibbousLunation (PG, 25k)
Summary: “How does this keep happening to us, every time.” Lance grumbled.

“You’d think they’d stop sending us on away missions,” he agreed. Honestly, between the poisonous plants of their last planet, and Lance’s tendency to always end up on the business end of every blaster or pointy ended stick, Allura was just being inefficient at this point.

Or, five times Keith kissed Lance but the situation was less than ideal, and one time Lance finally kissed him back. [5+1 Times]

supermassive black hole by epiproctan (NC-17, 7k)
Summary: Keith has always known that he wasn’t going to get what he truly wants out of the arrangement, but he also hadn’t ever imagined that it would just…end.

aka that classic fic where lance wants to stop hooking up but keith wants something else entirely [Friends with Benefits, Mutual Pining]

you never stood a chance by kagshina (PG, 12k)
Summary: lance to hunk ♡
>i’m gonna fukin die hunk oh mygod i sent
>keith a work out selfie that i wan supposed to fcukin send to you and you know what it said
>”BET YOU WANNA LICK THESE NIPS”
>HUNK I WILL NEVE BE ABLE TO FCE HIM AGAIN I WANT TO DI E

(Or, Keith is beautiful, Lance has a crush, and there’s lots of shirtless selfies) [College AU/Snapchat]

Love and Other Questions by squirenonny (PG, 46.6k, WIP)
Summary: One week after news of the Kerberos disaster broke, Pidge receives a new Mark–proof that Matt is still alive. She breaks into the Garrison to find him, only to find herself caught up in the fight for the fate of the universe.

Keith keeps his arms covered so he doesn’t have to watch Shiro’s scars compounding on his skin–but doing so means cutting off contact with his romantic soulmate, who greets him each morning with a new (and terrible) pickup line.

Shiro and Matt thought they were the luckiest people alive when they found out they were going to Kerberos together. But Shiro hasn’t seen Matt’s untidy scrawl on his arm in almost a year, and he has no idea if his soulmate is even still alive.

[Canonverse Soulmate AU with romantic and platonic soulmates (and some gray areas in between)] [Soulmates and Soulmate Marks, WIP]

Save a Horse (But Also Spare the Cowboy) by Mytay (PG, 0.8k)
Summary: “Keith, did you just break out your Texas for me? Did you just make a space cowboy pun for me?”

“No. Also, the fact that bad jokes turn you on explains so much.”
[Space Cowboys]

Seven Minutes by LanceMcLame (PG, 2.2k)
Summary: Pidge never should have mentioned sleepovers to Allura.

That was the only thought in Lance’s mind right now, as he tried to make himself comfortable on the awkward nest of blankets, pillows, and sleeping bags. This was all Pidge’s fault. They’d offhandedly mentioned something about having a sleepover party once with their friends, and Allura had immediately picked up on the idea, insisting that it’d be “an excellent team-building opportunity”. And that was how the five Paladins of Voltron and the two Alteans had ended up building a sort of fort in the bridge of the Castle of Lions, and playing the most heinous game known to mankind.

Truth or Dare. [Team Bonding]

Your Love Has Shown Me Proof by freshia (PG, 22.4k)
Summary: “This situation is a bit more complicated than we initially realized.”

Lance raises an eyebrow, but Pidge is the one to question that. “Define complicated.”

Allura takes no more time beating around the bush, “Well, I received a transmission. Keith and Lance–from the future, that is–would like to have their daughter back.”

or: Lance and Keith deal with a walking spoiler, in the form of a little girl who just wants to get back to her own home. [Time Travel, Kid Fic]

dynamic by kagshina (PG, 13.5k, WIP)
Summary: “So, uh,” Keith starts, and Lance notices the way he shifts, like he’s not quite sure how to say what he wants to say. “How are we gonna…do this?”

Before answering the question, Lance makes a quick list in his head of things he should never do:
Ask the boy he has a huge crush on to be his fake boyfriend for the sake of proving a point (even if Lance thinks he’s going to say no, because apparently he might actually say yes!) [Fake/Pretend Relationship, WIP]

You stole a BABY?! by genericfanatic (PG, 24.3k)
Summary: The castle ship has a new stowaway, and Keith and Lance must figure out how to take care of them without alerting the rest of the crew. [Kid Fic, Accidental Baby Acquisition]

Rushing To Say Nothing by LynnLarsh (NC-17, 36.7k)
Summary: “What the hell was that?” Keith says, sounding strangely pissed. Probably jealous; whatever happened, Lance is a lucky son of a bitch and Keith knows it.

Coran clears his throat before answering, and when Lance finally pulls his eyes away from the crowd, that purplish blush from earlier has increased to a noticeable shade of violet across his cheeks. “It seems our boy Lance here has just been propositioned by the local brothel.”

A.k.a. That time Lance went into an alien brothel to prove a point and came out perhaps a little too enlightened.

The Little Things by fairietailed (G, 1.6k)
Summary: On Friday Hunk can hear the two of them behind him as they walk to the control room, and he swears he hears something akin to a kiss, and Keith whispering.

“That’s 10-7, Cargo Pilot. Try catching up.”

When Hunk turns around Lance is bright red, and there’s a foot of space between him and Keith.Or maybe he’s imagining things? [Secret Relationship]

Marital Mayhem by genello (PG, 26k, WIP)
Summary: Cornered by the Galra, Lance and Keith find shelter in a local temple. There’s just one problem—the natives seem to think the two of them are engaged. [Fake/Pretend Relationship, WIP]

Burning Love by TeaAndKittens (NC-17, 7k, WIP)
Summary: An injury sustained on the job for firefighter Keith means an extended medical leave that makes him feel useless and angry. He’s so desperate to get back to his crew at Station 5 that he’s almost willing to try anything - except yoga. Especially after Hunk calls this friend of his that owns a yoga studio and Keith gets supporting evidence for his claim that only crazy people practice yoga.

Somehow, despite all of that, Hunk and Shiro manage to bully him into at least trying it. He shows up for that first class expecting to hate it. What he’s not expecting is for Hunk’s friend to be hot like the fire of a thousand suns. Or even more insane in person.

Or: Keith’s life. So Hard. [Firefighter/Yoga Instructor AU, WIP]

if you’re ready by rhapsodyinpink (PG so far, 2k, WIP)
Summary: “Why was I wearing a wedding veil?” Lance asks, eyes narrowing in confusion.

“Oh wait..wait, shit! Shit! Did I marry a hot babe last night? Talk about a wild birthday!” Lance crows, waving his arms with glee.

“No,” says Keith. “You married me.”

In which the paladins visit Las Vegas for Lance’s 21st birthday, Keith and Lance get married, Allura goes missing, Pidge gets arrested, and Shiro goes to the spa. [Accidentally Married in Vegas - still in universe not au! WIP]

Dancing for Voltron and Follow My Lead by The_Sickfic_Sideblog (PG, 2k total)
Summary: Lance has a hidden talent. It’s not hidden for long. [Dance Skills Lance]

Seven Days by MilkTeaMiku (NR, 63.5k, Series)
Summary: The Galra has a new weapon that de-ages the Paladins into babies for a week. [De-aged/Kid Fic]

Thank God For Hometowns by merycula (thanksillpass) (PG, 6.5k)
Summary: Lance tells his grandparents that he has a boyfriend to get them off his back, and is forced to ask his neighbor Keith to pretend to date him when they come with a visit. [Fake Dating]

seeing him for the first time (again) by breadpoetsociety (G, 1.5k)
Summary: “Who are you?” Keith demanded, excitedly putting his free hand to his cheek. “What’s your name?”

“Eat the cracker, Keith.”

“Did god send you? Are you an angel?” Keith didn’t look very frightened as this concept of being dead worked its way out of him. Lance ran a hand through his own hair, smiling wryly.

“Please, eat the cracker, Keith.”

“What’s your name?” Keith’s voice cracked, desperately, excitedly. “Please. Who are you?”

“My name is Lance,” Lance paused, nerves sitting uncomfortably in the bottom of his stomach– deep, in the part he never searched. He licked his lips and ran a hand through his unwashed hair. “I’m, um, I’m your fiancé.” [Amnesia]

On Thin Ice 
by Minadora (R, 150k, WIP)
Summary: This multi-chapter fic chronicles the lives of a hockey player named Keith who gets forcibly enlisted into figure skating lessons by his brother, Shiro, to “work on his footwork”. There he meets a pompous - yet talented - figure skater named Lance and gets swept away by both the sport and the skater. [Ice Hockey/Figure Skater AU]