Make you feel my love.
Summary: You and Crowley were happy, but like every fairy tail it must come to an end. Sometimes the love just isn’t there anymore….but that doesn’t mean it cant come back.
Chapter two of ‘Show me love.’
Based on the song ‘Make you feel my love.’
Pairing: Crowley x reader
Word count: 5,245 (wow)
Warnings: Cursing, Oral (reader recieving), angst.
A/N: This took forever and a day to write, but here it is! Also you all might notice a scene from one of my favorite shows that really helped out.
Tagging some of my favorite writers and Crowley!girls I can think of. (Thank you all for inspiring me.)
@murdochinthetardis (For helping me get through this.) @abaddonwithyall @ilostmyshoe-79 @bkwrm523
@bovaria @but-deans-back-tho @kittenofdoomage @littlegreenplasticsoldier @marksheppardischarming @mostlycrowleyoneshots @thenightyouknow @volcanic-coyote
Standing in the mirror, Crowley fixed his tie while his mind wandered to the peaceful thoughts of you. Your smile. Your hair. Even the way you snorted when you laughed too hard. He’d come to love every last inch of you….even though there were complications.
Speak of the devil.
He closed his eyes and sighed before turning away from his reflection towards his mother. A distasteful word that was.
“Where do you think you’re going?” She placed a hand on her hip and Crowley did everything in his power not to roll his eyes at her antics.
“To see the woman I actually love, an-”
“And you still believe she loves you back?” She interrupted him with a scoff. “And here I was thinking you’d become smarter after all these years.” She shook her head sending red curls to and fro.
This was a recurring factor in Crowley’s new life. Ever since he’d finally announced the two of you as a couple his mother had come to bombard him with lies.
At least he hoped they were lies. To be truthful, his mind set of you actually wanting to be with him was slowly deteriorating.
Ever so slowly.
“And here I thought I would actually have a peaceful evening without a bitch-excuse me, witch ruining it.” He balled and un-balled his fist.
“Ruining?” Rowena placed a hand on her chest in a mock hurt “I’m simply protecting you, darling. I mean, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t try and pry my son from the grasp of some whore who only loves him for his throne?”
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” He wiped off his sleeves and snapped his fingers making a beautiful bouquet of Peonies appear. “I have a date to attend to.”
His mother sashayed to his bed before sitting herself down. “She didn’t love you at first.”
Crowley eyed her “what?”
She smirked and shrugged “I remember it. She didn’t love you at first, not really.”
“And how do you kno-”
“Because if you love someone you don’t keep it a secret.” She snapped at him “you tell every soul you can, but did she? Did your precious Y/N tell even the Winchesters about you? No! She kept you hidden, only to use you as a measly toy.”
“You both had to be caught for her to confess and who’s to say she would’ve on her own? Who’s to say she didn’t hate the fact that someone actually knew that she’d even touched you?”
“Stop it, now.”
But Rowena wasn’t done. “And who’s to say she doesn’t want you as just a toy? I think as a mother- NO! As a woman, she wants something to gain from your little mischief’s. The throne, Fergus.” She was standing now, walking toward him with a glimmer in her eye. Her hand was soon placed on her sons cheek “So you go, and you see what happens. Let the little wench break your heart and then who’ll be there for you?”
She waited for an answer and he waited for a reason she’d be wrong. Any reason at all……
“Get out.” He muttered looking at the wall behind her. Her hand slipped from his cheek, letting her nails rake across it. She wordlessly walked out of his bedroom, because what else could she have said?
She’d said enough.
You twirled the spaghetti onto your fork and shoveled it into your mouth. You leaned forward on the kitchen counter closer to the book in front of you. Crossing you legs you let your eyes glide over its words.
‘While yes, there are Changelings, Shifters, and Doppelgangers, the subtle differences between each remain as-’
“He still not here?”
You turned to see Sam walking towards the refrigerator. Shaking your head silently he eyed you cautiously.
He licked his lips “I bet he’s just caught up in a hell of a lot of work.”
You squinted at him before scoffing “You’re almost as bad as Dean.”
“It got you to smile.”
That was true. A small smile had graced your features, and that was all he needed before continuing. “Get some rest, Y/N. It’s already 10, and you can’t function without sleep. I should know, I’ve seen it.”
You glanced at the book and the now half empty bowl of spaghetti before nodding. You closed the book and grabbed it and the bowl heading out of the kitchen. Sam swiftly took the book from your hands and waved it. “I’ll put this up, you go finish that and get some rest.”
Nodding you walked out of the kitchen and towards your room. Your new dress brushed the back of your thighs and you sighed before finally letting your face drop. Maybe he’d come before you fell asleep?
You sat on your bed and placed the bowl on your nightstand. Maybe you should keep the dress on just in case. Your hair and makeup was already done. Your shoes were at the end of your bed just waiting to be filled. All you needed now was him.
At 12:30 you finally decided to throw your dress in the hamper and pull on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. You’d finished the bowl hours ago and now you were hungry again.
Silently you padded down the hall towards the kitchen. One more snack before bed. You stood in front of the open refrigerator and looked, and looked, and-
“Having trouble there, love?”
You didn’t even bother turning around, instead you just kept looking.
“I’m sorry, I got caught up in work and-”
The sound of the door slamming cut him off. You brushed past him out of the kitchen and towards your room. His arm snaked around your waist and you stopped, still not looking at him.
“Please look at me, Y/N.” His voice was low and gravely and sad and everything that made you break. You slowly turned to face him and he smiled softly at you. “Beautiful.”
“It’s our anniversary.” You said lowly.
“You didn’t come.”
“I’m here now.” He realized what he’d said and backtracked “I’m sorry, work is work, and my mother she-”
“Oh god.” You rolled your eyes and pulled away from him before making your way towards your room. “Always with your mother, why does she hate me so much?”
He followed you into your room and closed the door behind him. “It’s complicated.”
“Then uncomplicate it.” You crossed your arms and sat on your bed facing him. He eyed you for a moment before breaking into a small smile.
“I remember when I took you to that cabin in Canada?”
“I remember” he continued “leading you out onto the snow with my hands covering your eyes. I remember the look on your face when you saw the northern lights ablaze right in front of you.”
You sat and, begrudgingly, listened. He stopped and looked off to the empty space in the wall and you knew what was coming next.
“Why did you say no?”
You shook your head “You know why I said no, we’ve talked-”
“I know. I just want to talk about it.” He simply shrugged and you eyes him before sighing.
“Because marrying you would mean becoming the queen of hell. And becoming the queen of hell is a big responsibility that I know nothing about. And I’m still not even sure if…” You trailed off and bit your lip. You looked away from him and shook your head “What do you want?”
He smiled “Those words mean more than anyone could ever know.” He looked at you “I want you to Marry me.”
“Says the man who couldn’t even make it to our anniversary.” You didn’t mean to come off so harsh.
“So that’s all you care about? Me forgetting to bring you presents?” The hurt in his fucking voice sent you over the edge.
“Who said anything about presents,Crowley?” You stood up from your spot on the bed “I only wanted to spend time with the man I love and you’re making this about material things.”
“Well how am I supposed to know that, huh?! How am I supposed to know you love me when you barely even say it anymore?!” He was screaming now, but so were you.
“BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW IF I DO!” You felt tears slip down your face, but you were too heated to wipe them away. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL ANYMORE! YOU-YOU’RE NEVER HERE, YOU ACT LIKE YOU DON’T CARE ANYMORE. HOW AM I SU-SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU IF I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU LOVE ME?!”
“How can you say that?” He barely whispered at you, but each syllable struck you like a hammer. “How can you stand there and say that I don’t love you? I’ve risked everything to be with you. My throne, my life, everything! I’d give you whatever you asked for in the blink of an eye and for what? For you to sit there and accuse me of-”
“Accuse?” You laughed through your tears so harshly that you even scared yourself. “Crowley, the night I said no to you, you refused to even touch me. I came back here the next day feeling like filth because I said no to you. That’s why.”
He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and looked away from you shaking his head. This is what his mother was warning him about. This right here is what he feared every time he wasn’t near you. He needed
“You to leave.” He looked at you with a confused expression and you scoffed. “You weren’t even listening-I need you to leave.”
“Y/N-” he reached towards you but you quickly pulled your arms away from him.
“No! Crowley, if you stand here and-I’m just- just go! I know myself, and I know that if you stand here we’re just gonna keep down this path and I’m gonna say something so horrible that I won’t ever see you again, so yeah I need to be alone.”
He looked at the floor and shook his head. This could not be happening.
You watched him with tired eyes. How could you not know what you felt? How horrible of a person were you to not even be able to say three simple words to the man you knew-or thought
“Loved you.” Crowley looked at you with fat tears gliding down his face “I loved- love you so damn much. But, if this is what you- what we need…..then I’ll do it.”
You looked at the alarm clock on your bedside table. 1:00 am. Your eyes flicked to where Crowley stood-or once stood. You sat on your bed and let silent tears drag down your face before finally breaking into a sob.
“Crowley!” You yelped as a pair of hands softly covered your eyes. Rough stubble grazed your neck.
“Happy birthday, love.” He whispered before planting a soft kiss on your neck.
You’d been sitting on your bed in your shared bedroom scrolling through your laptop. Hell was boring. That was something you’d never think you’d say, but hell was boring! Your days here would sometimes even consist of sitting in Crowley’s bedroom (he insisted you call it yours as well) and relax. That was until he got done of his royal duties and made his way to you.
“This is exactly how I pictured spending it.” You smiled “Blindfolded and waiting for you to make the next move.”
He hummed “You say that as if it won’t happen, love.”
You laughed and covered his hands with yours. “What’s all this about? I thought you had a meeting until eight, it’s only six.”
You felt his nose run against your neck “I got it over with as quickly as I could to get back to you. Granted, a couple demons want my head on a spike now, but that’s nothing new.”
He kissed a trail along your shoulder before leaning towards your ear to whisper. “Besides, I couldn’t miss a chance to give you your early present could I?”
“Is it considered early if it’s given to me on my birthday? I mean, I get what you’re going for here, Crowley, but-”
“Must you over analyze every-”
You turned to face him with a cheeky grin “I’m kidding.”
He smiled and nuzzled into your neck “I duf you sho mush.” You laughed and pulled away from him.
He leaned up and kissed your lips softly “I said I love you so much.” You smiled against his lips and pulled his tie until you laid on your back with him above you.
“You know.” You said pushing his suit jacket off of his shoulders. “I was thinking, and how come we never celebrate your birthday?”
“You want the truth?” He loosened his tie before pulling it off. “I forgot it.”
You laughed and leaned up to press a soft kiss to his lips. You casually began to unbutton his shirt. “How do you forget your own birthday?”
“Dying does that to you, love.”
“Aw.” You opened his shirt and pushed it off of him before peppering kisses on his chest. “Should. We. Make. You. A. New. One?” You said between kisses. He lifted your shirt above your head and dipped his head down to kiss you full and soft. It was slow and for a while before you licked his bottom lip asking for him. He tasted like whiskey, as always, except there was something more to it. Something sweet like
“You had cake?” You asked pulling away from him. He looked at you shell shocked for a moment before smiling softly.
“I had to make sure it wasn’t poisoned, love.”
“Wait, it was my cake?”
He leaned back down and kissed along your neck.
“Crowley.” You giggled “did you eat my cake?”
“Hmm? What was that, love?” He began to suck marks into your collarbone making you groan. “This isn’t fair.”
He leaned up and kissed your nose. “All’s fair in love and…..well to be truthful it was only for you, love. What would have happened if it would’ve been poisoned?”
You quirked an eyebrow at him “So was it?”
He smiled “It could’ve been.”
You rolled your eyes and brought him back down for another kiss. This one was longer, deeper. He moved his head to the side and began kissing down your neck again and across your collar. He busied himself with doing away with your sweatpants while also biting into your skin. He slowly drug your bra strap off of your shoulder and kissed the exposed skin.
“I don’t see why you even chose to wear this.” He leaned over and did the same to the next strap. “You were home relaxing almost all day, you usually hate to wear one while you do so.”
It always surprised you when he referred to the kingdom of hell as your home.
You shrugged and moaned as he sucked on your nipple. Dragging his teeth over you, he spoke silent words into your skin. He swiftly moved to the other one, giving it the same affection as before.
Dragging kisses down your body he soon bit lightly into your hips before sucking love marks into your skin. Your breathing hitched-as it always does- as Crowley slowly drug your panties down your legs with his teeth.
He kissed his way back up your legs and bit into your thighs. He looked at you with dark eyes and commented on how beautiful you were. As he always does.
You can feel him breathing, right before he dips his head down and takes a long taste of you. He hooks his hands under your knees and pushes your legs wider as he sucks your clit.
One hand threads his hair as the other pulls your own. “Ah-Crowley….” You drawl out as his tongue dives into you. He hums sending vibrations straight through you. Your writhing and bucking into his mouth and he welcomes it all in stride.
At one point he would’ve held you down, but not today. You run the show today.
“Fuuaaah-yes! Crowley yes!” You’re so vocal that you’re sure your voice will give out by the time he’s done. But, you’re so close. Right there. Right there. Yes, YES-
It feels like your body is vibrating as a hundred miles per hour. It always does with him. He kisses his way back up your body and kisses you full and sweet. He pulls away and smiles that hundred watt smile that only you get to see.
“Happy birthday, love.”
“Why thank you.” You said brushing his hair down from where you’d frayed it. “Although I feel like it isn’t over.”
“Always the smartest in the room.” He chuckled. “But, yes. The night is not over, because I am taking you to British Columbia!”
He was so excited and you were so….confused. “Canada?”
“Oh don’t give me that look, it’ll be fun!”
“So that’s it?” Dean said adjusting in his seat “That’s the end of your run with the king?”
You looked at your hands, slowly opening and closing them. “I don’t know. We just…he isn't….I don’t know….” Looking out the diners window you noted how pretty the rainy sky looked today. Crowley would’ve loved this.
After your eventful night with Crowley Dean thought it’d be nice to get out of the bunker. Take you out to eat, talk, anything to make it easier.
“He, as much as I hate to say it, isn’t a bad guy. I mean, yeah he’s a bad guy, but not to you. It’s like he’s got a switch he flicks just for you.” Dean shook his head and dank his coffee.
“You’re going somewhere with this?” You swirled your own mug of coffee, not feeling in the mood for it anymore.
“I’m saying this isn’t him.” He put his mug down. “He-” he stopped short and smiled as the waitresses brought three plates of pie before asking if we needed anything else. Dean kindly declined before she curtly smiled and walked away. “He would crawl through hell on his knees just to see you smile. So c'mon, Y/N. You gotta try and-”
“I’ve been trying, Dean!” You leaned forward “You don’t know the whole story, but I have been trying and trying to see the bright side and figure out our place together.”
“Well enlighten me, Y/N. Tell me what I don’t know.”
You opened and closed your mouth not wanting to relieve your birthday all over again. Sam walked back towards your booth from the bathroom and sat down next to you. He looked between you and Dean “what I miss?”
“Y/N?” Dean cocked his eyebrow at you and put his elbows on the table. You needed to do this. You needed to let it out.
“He…” You scoffed and looked out the window towards the busy street “He proposed to me.”
Sam let out a breath and Dean ran a hand down his face before mumbling “shit.”
“On my birthday last year, he took me to see the northern lights in Canada. He proposed to me and I said no.” You slowly nodded your head “that, I guess, is when it started.”
“Why’d you say no?” You heard Sam ask next to you. You turned to face him “you’re kidding right?”
“No I’m not. Y/N, we don’t like him.” He motioned between himself and his brother “But we damn sure know you love him. Why’d you say no?”
“I was scared?” You shook your head and shrugged “I don’t know how to be a queen. What if I mess it up, what if the demons don’t like that I-”
“Y/N.” Dean said. “Why’d you say no?” His voice was soft, and he knew you were stalling.
“That….and I’m scared everything was moving too fast. Scared that he’ll get tired of being with me.”
They were both quiet for a while until Dean started chuckling.
“Something funny?” You asked annoyed.
“Just the fact that you think a man-er-demon could get tired of you. Y/N, he loves you. And as much as I’d hate to say it, he needs you. Nothing’s gonna change that, not even you saying no.”
“You don’t know-”
“Yeah, we do.” Sam cut in “Crowley told us.”
“you knew?!” You looked between the men, hurt. Sam held up his hands “Not everything, not about the proposal. He just told us that you’d hit a rough spot then and he didn’t know what to do.”
“And we told him to keep swimming.” Dean said finishing off his pie “Keep pushing forward with the relationship and not sweat it. It’s not like you still didn’t love him.”
You sat quietly for a long time swirling your mug of coffee. Your phone vibrated and you pulled it from your pocket before unlocking it.
It was a text from Crowley.
‘You’re still mad, and I understand that. But, I know how much this meant to you and I refuse to be the reason you miss it.’
It was a picture of one of Crowley’s hell hounds surrounded by its puppies. ‘So she’s finally had her babies.’ You thought to yourself remembering the day you begged Crowley to let you see them. Granted, it hurt like hell. Like someone was shoving hot irons into your eyes, but it was worth it. You could see hell hounds, and more importantly their puppies.
“So?” You looked up from your phone towards Dean.
He smiled “I said, do you still love him?”
You looked at the text and then at them and then outside where rain drizzled down and a couple shared an umbrella walking down the sidewalk.
“Yeah….yeah I think I do.”
“Well then.” Dean clapped his hands “there’s still hope.”
You smiled softly and nodded. “Still hope.”
“And what are you smiling at?” Rowena snarled at her son. Crowley glanced up from his phone quickly dispersing of his smile.
“Nothing. What do you want?”
But in fact it wasn’t nothing. It was definitely something, or someone to be matter of fact. You.
“You’ve been acting strange lately. All solemn in your throne, acting grumpier than usual.”
“I’m always grumpy.” He said looking around the busy throne room. Demons were bustling around looking up information about a rogue coven that had been converting his demons.
“I said grumpier, dearie. But, these past three days you’ve been…..different.” She slid her hands onto her hips.
Her statements were true. For the past two weeks you’d refused to even speak to Crowley. Letting the boys handle their meetings with him alone. But, these three days you’ve slowly been coming around. Sharing simple text with him now and then.
You’re latest one was a picture of you holding a bouquet of roses he sent to you with a straight face. You sent another text that read ‘You’re really hitting my soft side.’
He chuckled before trying to cover it with a cough. ‘This is ridiculous.’ He thought ‘I’m an adult, I shouldn’t be hiding like some pathetic teenager.’
“It’s her isn’t it?” Rowena shook her head “what did I say before? She’s g-”
He held his finger up, cutting her off. You’d sent another text that read ‘But honestly, Crowley, they’re lovely. Thank you, love.’
His heart fluttered at the use of the name. Still hope.
“Ahem!” Rowena said loudly. Crowley looked up at her and rolled his eyes “What is it you need?”
“I need you to leave that wench alone! She’s a problem. She’s-”
“She’s the woman I love.” He said certainly. More certain than anything before. “And she’s not the problem, you are!”
He stood up and started a walking towards Rowena. Every demon in the room became quiet and tried to further themselves from the raging King.
“All you’ve done is push me away from her, and I was dumb enough to let you! She is the woman I love, the only thing I’ve needed my entire life and I let myself ruin it.” He put one of his hands on her throat and squared her face to look him in the eye. “I deserve to be loved, and that’s what she was doing. So I’m going to say this once and once only.”
He dropped his voice so only she could hear. “Say anything vile about her ever again, and I will make sure of it that your time locked in chains seemed that of a spa day. Am I clear?”
She scoffed at him despite her shaking hands and dry mouth. Crowley gripped her throat tighter firmly cutting off her airway and let his red eyes show. “Am. I. Clear?”
“Crystal.” She gasped out before he pushed her away. She stumbled backward into a demon who clumsily caught her.
“Good.” He said brushing himself off. “Now with that being said.” He turned towards a group of demons huddled in the corner “You lot come with me, we have a lot to do. Everyone else back to work, make me proud today.”
“Yes your majesty!” A round of applause went around before the throne room was up and bustling once again. One red headed witch standing in the middle of it all, highly embarrassed, and slightly proud of her son for finally taking initiative.
Sam and Dean smiled to each other as they watched you walk around them through the kitchen. You talked on the phone to Crowley with a prominent smile on your face, letting them know that all was well.
While no, you weren’t exactly with the king again, you were smiling again. And although you would only say it to the boys, you loved Crowley again. You just needed to be sure this wasn’t false hope.
“So the puppy actually peed on your shoe?” You laughed into the phone as Crowley grumbled about how he really liked those shoes. He was smiling on the other end of the conversation as your laughter drifted through.
“So, Y/N, I was uh..well we’ve been-I’d love to take you…only if you…” He stumbled and faltered through his words.
You smiled and bit your lip “Fergus Roderick McLeod, are you trying to ask me out?”
Dean mouthed Crowley’s real name to Sam while holding back his own laughter. Oh was he going to use that.
“Yes.” Crowley said unfazed by your use of his full name. He actually quite liked it when you said it. “Friday night if that suits you.”
You were quiet for a second before nodding to yourself “I’d love to.”
Crowley took the phone away from his face and silently cheered for himself, before coming back to the phone. “Fantastic!”
“Only on my terms though.” You said. He nodded his head and agreed quickly.
“We go to the cabin.”
Now it was Crowley’s turn to be quiet. He cleared his throat “Are you sure, love? I don’t want you to-”
“I’m positive, really Crowley it would mean a lot to me.”
“Anything for you, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”
“Alright.” You wanted to say I love you, and God knew he did too. But, instead you hit the end call button and went back to making dinner with the boys.
Dean was leaning against the counter while Sam cleaned off the potatoes, both watching you.
“What?” You said going back to seasoning the food. Dean smiled at you before shaking his head and going back to making the pie. Sam smiled and winked at you and that was that.
You shouldn’t have been nervous, but you were.
He shouldn’t have been sweating so much, but he was.
And now you both stood on the porch of a British Columbia cabin, shaking from the cold. Or maybe it was your nerves. Either way, Crowley draped his long coat over your shoulders. You pulled the lapels, bring it closer to your body, and turned to look at him.
He looked the same, except, tired maybe? Like this past month has really tested him. Which in fact it had.
You turned to fully face him and laid your head on his chest. “Let’s just…talk.”
“This date is going well then?”
“Depends on how the food taste.” You smiled to yourself.
Crowley wrapped his arms around your waist gently pulling you flush against him.
“Do you want to eat now or after the show?” He rested his chin on top of your head.
“After. For now let’s just….talk.” Your hands wandered up his chest and you drew imaginary pictures. A star. A dog. A cloud.
“I’m sorry.” He started first “For not being there. For not being the man you needed from me. You deserve the world and everything of it.”
You nodded about to say something before he cut you off “Have you ever loved someone before?”
“Yes. Have you?”
“Have you ever been in love before, Crowley?”
“How would I know the difference?” He looked off into the woods as an owl hooted.
“It’s torturous.” You chuckled to yourself before you felt him pulling away.
“Is this torture?” He looked genuinely confused.
His breath hitched “I’m so sorry. What did I-”
“No don’t be!” You held your hands up stopping him. He shook his head and smiled at you.
“What? I’m so confused.”
“Just..” You shook your head and leaned up capturing his lips with yours. His arms were around your waist in an instant as he deepened it. It wasn’t slow, or sweet, it was passionate and needy and sloppy. Full of tongue and teeth and everything you’d missed from each other.
You combed your fingers through his hair moaning. He reluctantly pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. “I love you. There I said it. I love you Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. Never forget, never think otherwise.”
“I love you too.” You said “I love you so much.” You pulled away and looked up at him, trying to remember every outline of his face. His eyes flicked up for a brief second before he started smiling.
You turned and there it was, the northern lights. They were beautiful, an array of greens and blues danced across the sky. You smiled to the sky “Crowley it’s beautiful.” His arms wound around your waist pulling your back to his front. You sighed contently and decided. You wanting nothing more than this, than him.
“Yes.” you said nodding before turning towards his confused face “Yes, I want to marry you.”
His face went slack “Y/N, think about what you’re saying. What if I still can’t give you what you want?”
“I want to be with you, Fergus.”
He smiled at you and shook his head “W-What if you hate me later on, what if I can’t give you children or the life you want like everyone else?”
You looked at him before reaching up and lightly kissing his cheek “Then I’ll have you.”
You didn’t have a chance to react before he crashed his lips against yours. You kissed kissed kissed until it almost got too cold to bare. Finding your warmth together that night in bed together, and making your plans for the future, whatever that may hold.