i might be able to do this but its my fault

Quit playing games

For @jadepresley 💖
This has been stuck in my head for daaaays! 


“Are you going to eat that?”

Draco frowned but shook his head and pushed his plate across the table. Potter attacked it as if he hadn’t just stuffed his face with three servings of scrambled eggs and croissants.

“Thanks,” he said, beaming at Draco. Clearing his throat, Draco had to look away, otherwise Potter might have noticed how pink his cheeks had suddenly gotten. He really didn’t understand Potter. He didn’t understand this whole strange situation they were in. Who would have thought he and Potter would become the kind of friends who would meet on Sundays for brunch? As much as Draco had always fantasised about becoming friends with him, this was an unexpected outcome. But not as unexpected as what had happened a few days ago…

“Potter, I think you’ve had enough to drink.”

“Dracoooooo! Don’t be such a drag!”

Draco blinked, the sound of his own name still ringing in his ears. Was this the first time Potter had said his given name to his face? Draco hated how much he enjoyed it. Watching Potter sway as he tried to make his way to the bar, Draco grabbed his arm.

“No more drinks for you,” he said resolutely.

“Dracoooo.” Potter knitted his brows together and started pouting. He actually pouted. Draco felt like he was going to faint.

“No, you’ve had enough.” His eyes darted down to Potter’s mouth. His lower lip was trembling and Draco wished he could stop the trembling by softly biting into it. “This won’t work on me,” he said, mentally cursing his voice for sounding so unsteady.

“Are you sure?” Potter said, his mouth stretching into a smile. “Then maybe this will!” With childish enthusiasm, Potter threw his arms around Draco’s neck. Their bodies were suddenly flush against each other.

“What are you-?” Before Draco could finish his question, Potter’s lips were on his, moving slowly and softly. Draco was too stunned to push him away. And honestly, he didn’t want to. Potter was kissing him! And the way he was kissing him… He didn’t seem as drunk as Draco had thought. Or maybe, he was just an exceptionally good kisser.

Against his better judgement, Draco closed his eyes and tentatively placed his hands on Potter’s hips. Potter let out a deep sigh that send a delicious shiver down Draco’s spine. But wait… this wasn’t right. Potter wasn’t in his right mind.

Reluctantly, Draco detached his lips from Potter’s and stared at him. He was not prepared for the sight that met him. Potter was gazing at him dreamily, a wide smile plastered on his face.

“See? I know it would work on you,” he mumbled, before his head collapsed on Draco’s shoulder. The added weight, from Potter going completely limp in his arms, made Draco stumble.

“What in Merlin’s name was that?”

Draco had asked himself that question a lot over the last couple of days. He still had no idea. Potter had acted like nothing had happened when they had seen each other again. Maybe he didn’t remember. But something was definitely off; Potter kept finding excuses to touch Draco in seemingly innocent ways and whenever he thought Draco wasn’t paying attention, he kept giving him these looks.

At first, Draco had thought he was just imagining things, but it kept happening and it left Draco confused and frustrated. What was Potter doing?

“Hey, I thought we could go to the movies tonight,” Potter said, completely nonchalant.

“The movies,” Draco repeated flatly.

“Yeah, you know, the Muggle-”

“I know what it is,” Draco snapped. He took a sip of his coffee and slammed the cup back down on the saucer.

“Is that a no?” Potter asked. Draco looked away, not sure what to say. As much as he enjoyed spending time with him, the way Potter was behaving made everything so hard. Draco wasn’t sure he could do it for much longer without exploding. Maybe it would be better to pause this friendship thing for a little bit. When his eyes found Potter’s again, his mouth opened involuntarily. Potter’s eyes were piercing and there was an odd expression on his face.

“Hold on, you’ve got some crumbs-” He leaned over the table, his hand outstretched. Draco blinked as Potter’s fingers brushed the corner of his mouth. They definitely lingered there longer than necessary. This was it! Draco had enough of this teasing.

Slamming his hands down on the table, he pushed himself out of his seat and stormed out of the café. What did Potter think they were doing? He acted like they were just friends, just friends, and then he did something like that. Seriously, it was all Potter’s fault. If the git hadn’t kissed him-

“Draco!”

Draco stopped in his tracks, a warm feeling spreading inside his chest. Stupid, stupid! He shouldn’t be feeling that way.

“Draco, wait!” Potter caught up to him, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around. “What’s going on? Why did you just leave like that?”

Draco scowled at his feet, not wanting to look Potter in the eyes.

“Is it something I did?” Potter asked, sounding genuinely unsure. Draco snorted. “What is it? Talk to me?” Potter lowered his head to catch Draco’s eyes and Draco suddenly felt fingers brushing the hair out of his face.

“This! This!!” Slapping his hand away, Draco finally looked up. “You’ve got to stop doing that!”

Potter looked shocked. He clearly hadn’t expected such an outburst.

“You can’t just do that all the time. Touch me like that.”

Draco watched as Potter’s face fell. He bit his lip and started wringing his hands.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it made you that uncomfortable.”

Wait, why did Potter look so crestfallen? That didn’t make any sense.

“It does,” Draco said through gritted teeth. “It would be much easier if you could be… a little more decisive.” Draco really didn’t want to have this conversation. He was pretty sure he’d just end up humiliating himself. And maybe, it would even mean the end of his friendship with Potter.

“What do you mean, more decisive?”

Draco sighed. Maybe his friendship with Potter was already over. Draco couldn’t stand to be around him like this.

“Maybe you behave like that around your friends. I don’t. There’s a line between- It’s not something you just- There’s a difference between-” Draco didn’t know how to explain it to Potter without sounding like a lovesick fool.

“Do you mean- I-… Are you talking about the kiss?” Potter sounded extremely nervous. Draco gaped at him.

“You remember? I thought you didn’t remember.”

“No, I remember,” Potter said quietly.

Draco’s mind reeled.

“Then why- What are you doing? I can’t even tell if that was accidental or not? If you regret it or not? What is this- What are we-”

“I don’t know, okay?” Potter interrupted him. “I don’t know.”

Draco studied him, taking in the insecure expression on his face.

“Even if you don’t know, you can’t just do that to me,” he murmured. “I have no idea what to think anymore.”

Potter bit the inside of his cheeks, before taking a step towards Draco.

“But you like me, right?”

Annoyed, Draco clicked his tongue.

“I’m pretty sure the answer to that is painfully obvious.”

Potter took another step, so that their chests were touching. Reaching for Draco’s hands, he interlaced their fingers and peered up at him from under his lashes.

“Would you…” His voice quivered slightly. “Would you want to kiss me again?”

Draco opened his mouth but no sound came out. Had Potter really just asked him-

“Potter, what are you doing?” he said, almost choking on the words. His eyes darted down when Potter licked his lips in one swift motion. “This is what I’m talking about. You can’t just keep playing these games with me.”

“It’s not a game,” Potter said, his expression turning serious. “I have no idea what I’m doing, okay? I have no idea how to handle… this.” He gave Draco’s hands a squeeze and guided them to the small of his back. “I’ve never fallen for a bloke before. Not like this. And you’re not just any bloke. It’s a little overwhelming, alright?”

Draco was glad Potter had stopped talking. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to hear anything else over the ringing in his ears.

“Did you just say- You… What?”

Potter laughed, loud and wide. It made Draco weak in the knees.

“Can we please not dwell on this? This is embarrassing enough,” Potter said, pressing his body against Draco’s. “So, you still haven’t answered my question. Would you kiss me again?”

Instead of answering, Draco made a deep gurgling sound at the back of his throat. Before Potter had the chance to comment on it, Draco grabbed his face with both hands and started kissing him like he had wanted to for as long as he could remember.

“I swear to Merlin, if you take back what you just told me and we go back to being friends, I’m going to hex your testicles off,” he growled against Potter’s lips.

“Oh, I think we can make use of them in a much better way,” Potter chuckled, burying his hands in Draco’s hair. Draco groaned. He couldn’t believe this was really happening. After all this time. Finally!

Transfer Students and Those Changing Their Major

uI don’t feel like there is a lot of discussion within the academic world about those of us who made the tough decision to change majors or, in some cases, even transfer schools. Often we’re expected to perform to the same degree and advance just as quickly as everyone else. So I guess this is why I’m writing this: to offer a word of comfort and encouragement for those of us who have hidden struggles… 

You are not stupid. I know when you’re taking gen eds or prerequisite classes and you’re sitting in a room full of younger students its easy to feel dumb. I always feel like I’m academically and mentally slower than everyone else because I’m a junior in university and yet surrounded by freshmen and sophomores. But I promise this is a fault of the education system and NOT a sign of weakness or being more stupid than others. It is not your fault our education system requires an ungodly amount of general credits. You are smart, you are not less than your peers for being behind in the “normal” pace of university.

You made the right choice. I say as if I’m not constantly debating my decision every single day. I think others don’t realise how hard it is to make that leap from one major to another, or one school to another. It’s tough, and it tends to set us back by about a semester or two, and the more I change my major the more I feel like my parents and others don’t take me as seriously with my studies. But I promise, I truly truly promise that you had a reason for making that change. You hold on to what made you change, because change can be scary but often its for the best. For me, I switched from an engineering major to film because I realised I couldn’t do a job that paid well but that I was miserable in. I still have times when I regret doing that, but ultimately I know it was for the best and I matured through that experience.

You will find your peers one day. By peers I mean people who are the same age as you but they are all taking higher-level classes because they knew earlier on what they wanted to major in. I still haven’t met many who are a junior and in film because I still have to take entry level classes. And yeah it sucks. But there are clubs on campus, or I can ask my advisor or the professors within my major to help me reach out to my peers. I may not be on the same level as them, but we’d all be working towards a common major. You’ll find your group some day.

You are not a financial burden to people. I keep telling myself this day after day and it never seems to sink in. I was raised in a poor family so money has always been an extreme source of stress. When I changed majors and gave up the well-paying career path I was distraught. Even more so when it became clear I’m going to be graduating as a super-senior and won’t be able to follow the “normal” college pace of 4 years. It’s tough being told you still have gen eds to get through which will cost even more money and slows you down. So people like us will need jobs and can’t have the luxury of non-paying internships. And maybe we’ll still stress about how to pay for those extra years of study. But just keep your head up and apply for that FAFSA or student aid equivalent and keep going! I’m not saying its easy, but don’t let costs be the only deciding factor for your education. This is about YOU, what YOU want to do with your life! 

Okay this is getting long so I’ll just wrap up by saying: You are amazing! You are wonderful and valuable and you are not a burden or a disgrace! Your life has meaning and one day all of these hardships will be worth it! I know its tough and it hard and unfairly expensive but we just gotta keep going. We just gotta keep doing our thing and holding on to what we want out of life. <3

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I’ve seen a lot of ideas about humans being on alien ships, and most are like “because of [whatever reason], it would be good if ships had one human on board” and there are a lot of stories that say that there’s only one human on the alien ship. But I don’t think that’s a good idea?? A lot of people have a hard time being a foreign exchange student a country where they don’t speak the language; I don’t think most humans could handle being the only human on an alien ship???? For various reasons, like loneliness/medical issues/etc. Being on an alien ship sounds awesome, but they wouldn’t have any support.

Maybe aliens don’t understand THAT; “Despite being capable enough on their own, humans have to come in groups of 2+ for some reason.”

“Let the humans choose their own groups; their social systems are much more complex, and despite their famous ability to socialize with just about any other species, if two humans ‘don’t get along’, meaning that they cause each other to have unfavorable emotions and occasionally will not cooperate, the result is negative for both the humans and the crew that they reside in.”

Maybe something like this?

The first time humans and the recently-contacted alien species “X”, the first to form an alliance with humans, attempt to team up, everyone realizes that they need to learn more about each other. They decide that should should be a simple exchange of personnel; these crewmen would work simple jobs on each other’s ships and interact with the crew in order to learn more about each other and how to successfully communicate. Both humans and Xs desperately want this to succeed. But, hearing rumors of the humans’ prowess, the X want to minimize any possible casualties, so they suggest that they exchange just one person each at the start; one X heads to the human command ship, and one human heads to the X’s.

Everything begins successfully.

The X on board the human ship is a model worker. It observes, asks questions, and when it doesn’t understand something, many humans surround and brainstorm ideas on how to explain things to it. Throwing out ideas left and right “It’s a bit like seeing color, but it’s invisible, and through the nose-” “No you idiot, it’s like those feel-auras it was talking about, but the nose is the sensory organ for it-” and eventually the X understands. In turn, when contributing ideas not easily understood by humans, it finds that many take this as a challenge, and will not stop bothering the X until they are sure that they understand. But with or without the aid of its new crewmates, the X never seems distressed that it can’t understand or be understood by others.

The human crew quickly notices that the X has not contacted its main ship, or for that matter, anyone else.

“Have you tried talking to your ship?”

“There was no need to try, I already know it won’t work because of conflicting signals.”

“Well, did you need to? Talk to your friends or family or anything? I’m sure I can rig something up if you need to.”

“I have no need to communicate with anyone as of now. Any information that will eventually need to be communicated will be included in my report to the High Command.”

“No, but did you WANT to talk to anyone? Like your family or something, so they know you’re okay? And I mean, I’m sure you must want to talk about how weird we humans are and stuff, right?”

“My family will be notified of my status when I return to the High Command. And all data I gather on humans will be included in my report.”

The X, despite being so far away from home and surrounded by pushy humans, does not seem homesick or lonely at all.

On the X’s ship, the human is enthusiastic and excited to learn new things at first. After all, they’re learning about and interacting with ALIENS; it’s freaking awesome. But it doesn’t take too long for the novelty to wear off and the human to realize that they are truly alone. No one else speaks a human language, or is physically capable of doing so. While translation technology makes communication possible, linguistic differences make both exact or truly accurate translations impossible, so it’s not the same as being able to have a simple chat with friends. And chatting with friends doesn’t come easily; technology between the ships is not compatible, and any communication signals from the human’s own communication device are cancelled out by signals from the Xs’ ship.

The human becomes isolated from all other humans, on board a ship of 200 Xs.

Any difficulty communicating is eventually pushed aside and ignored but the Xs; if the human can’t communicate an idea, and the Xs don’t get it, what can they do? They do not need to understand the human or have the human understand them in order to do their jobs, so there is no point in trying. They understand that this project is important to the alliance, but do not understand how important communication is to humans.

The human has no help from others; several humans asking the same questions might get the idea that communicating certain ideas are important. But there is also no one who could understand them, no one to brainstorm ideas with:

“Now, how do we explain the concept of smell to a species from a planet where no organism has a nose?”

“Oh! My cousin was born without a sense of smell, and we sort of explained things like…”

Any problems communicating human ideas, or understanding X ideas, they face alone.

On that note, the human finds it difficult to to relate with any of the Xs. Xs can socialize fine between each other, but their standards for camaraderie is much different than that of humans. Humans are famous for their ability to empathize with any species, but it is not a two-way street, leaving the human caring about their new ship-mates with little care for themselves in return. They do not put more effort in helping the human understand, nor do they go out of their way to interact with the human outside of work situations. The human knows that it is not the fault of the Xs, that this is just the way Xs are, but they can’t help but begin to feel unappreciated, unwanted, and depressed.

Having long-since passed simple homesickness and culture shock, the human just wants desperately to talk to another human. It wouldn’t have to be anyone from the same country, or someone from the same field of work, or heck, even someone who spoke the same language. Even humans who can’t understand each other’s words can have get an idea from hand gestures, and historically, people who speak different languages that live in proximity to each other develop new dialects or learn to understand each others spoken language to communicate. Even with an age gap, they’ve lived during some of the same world events; they could find something to relate to each other. Another human would understand how strange X biology is compared to human biology, right? Another human could make jokes, laugh at the new, awesome, and weird things that they encounter. Another human could confirm that their feelings were real, right?

Humans are biologically engineered for socialization after all. Their species survived and evolved over hundreds of thousands of years because of their social nature. Xs understand this, and have heard that humans occasionally might have special needs like extraneous physical contact, but do not understand the implications. That this made humans biologically dependent on socialization for survival. That humans’ mental, emotional, and eventually even physical states can deteriorate without affection from friends and family.

And so the human gets ill.

Not quite used to human physicality in general or variation in physicality between individuals, and after hearing the legendary stories of humans surviving seemingly impossible situations, the Xs work their human crewmate hard. The human, already emotionally exhausted from isolation, easily gets physically exhausted. They contract an illness not unlike the common cold, though it couldn’t be given that their current location does not have any traces of the virus. With proper rest, and maybe more chances to chat with some friends back on the command ship, would help the human immensely. But the human, in their emotional and physical distress, can not communicate the idea that yes, humans can recover from illness like this without 5 different medicines. That talking to loved ones, or someone, anyone, would do more than just make them happy but give them the emotional will to make them physically well. There are no other humans around to explain human medical issues, or to provide a cool cloth for their fever, or to talk to while they’re sick in bed and unable to work, or…

The Xs change course and modify their signals in order to send a message to the human command ship and inform them that the human has fallen ill. Afraid of retaliation and wanting to ensure good faith, they request a strategy, asking what needs to be done in this situation. The human ship responds; the X on their ship has recently fallen ill as well. Xs do not have the hardy immune system that humans do, and while precautions were taken, it still caught a cold. The decision to return the crewmates to their home ships is made. The information that they managed to gather during their exchange this time will be used for a more successful future exchange and other interactions in the future.

The X suggests to their commanders more precautions regarding illnesses, and also advises any future volunteers to talk as much as possible to the other humans; they love interaction, learning, and teaching.

The human suggests that a special channel be created for easy communication, and makes only one demand; it doesn’t matter what the other species demands, don’t you dare let anyone go alone, ever again.

Submitted By: @bluemichikosan 

Dandelions: finished summary!

again, I’m sorry I had to stop this project. I had a LOT more story to tell and my depression just wasn’t letting me have the motivation to do so. School is starting back up again and I knew I wouldn’t be able to work on any comic pieces once that happened so here is the summary of what I want to do with the rest of the story! 

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anonymous asked:

hey viria i was just wondering..... maybe you might've answered this before.... but how did sasha and you first meet and got into, you know, love? im really curious (i've never fallen in love before!!) and what was your experience like? im sorry if it's too personal, but.... you were the reason i started tumblr, because i wanted to reblog your arts! i feel so happy for you!

Thank you! It’s okay, I think..I might not get too personal, but I can describe it overall:”)

So he joined our last year of the university. At first I didn’t really notice him at all? I was fairly shy, because I was surrounded with people I don’t know well enough since my group of people all joined the specialist course, while I was taking masters.

Sasha said once we were in relationship that he thought I was too cool, like i had that certain circle of people and uh. out of his league. 

So. I was shy, as I said. and when I’m shy I’m pretty quiet. At the beginning of the year I was always alone, or went off to see Tanya, or listened to the music because I wasn’t sure how to approach people. Then I kinda started to open up but still was keeping on a quiet side. It’s probably around October that Sasha started kindly teasing me? He asked a lot why I was sad, when I wasn’t, I always said it was just my neutral face. SO it all kinda started with teasing:”D

We all together (as a class) started to talk and laugh more, Sasha and me too. I am generally even more shy around guys, so at first I still couldn’t quite uh talk the way I can now. But with time we started to talk a bit more, and i wasn’t as nervous to be on my own with him (I always worried we wont be able to talk and there will be that awkward silence). He helped a lot, kinda cheered on me, I think we at some point started to flirt and one of my classmates said we have an interesting communication. Once he got sick, and I was waiting for my parents in the uni, everyone left, and Sasha kept me company. It was so easy to talk?? I think that’s kind of when it started to shift for me.

Then parents came, and my mother said that there’s a big cold (as a flu) going around, involving in people dying, and I started to worry about Sasha a lot, because he caughed very badly when we parted. So I got all my courage and wrote him to go to the doctor if he feels very bad and take care, stuff like that.

About after that we started to talk in the evenings constantly, it was like a tradition. So we talked a LOT. Eventually he got the courage to ask me out on a concert? I think the concert was just a way to do it fairly subtle:D 

We went out, I was very nervous getting ready, but when I got there I was okay, and Sasha was the one who seemed to be nervous this time:”D Still, it went out great, the concert SUCKED, but we had something to talk about on the way back home and I felt so lifted afterwards! So we started to go and see each other more and more, but we still kept it on a modest side? Like we said goodbuy and gave each other awkward high fives for A WHILE. We both are shy potatoes. But it was still perfect:”) 

Then one time Sasha asked me out to go ice skating, because I love it, even though he can’t skate. So we went there, I asked Sasha to trust me and I wanted to ride with him like I did with my cousin and other friends, but I didn’t realize Sasha is bigger than those girls, and heavier. And so I. Uh. I dropped him by accident. he felt badly and didn’t skate after that, because he hit his elbow quite bad. Kept saying it’s okay, go and skate without me, you love it, etc. But I couldn’t because I was  so worried and I felt so guilty? We left soon enough, and were just walking and went to the cafe where I has seen his arm, and it was getting very bruised and fairly swollen. And it’s his right arm and for an artist it’s not the best thing to injure.

I couldn’t stop blaming myself even though Sasha kept saying it wasn’t my fault (tho I think it kind of was), so I kept asking him how he feels, got him the medicine against swelling, and then once we parted, we still talked in the evening, and I didn’t want Sasha’s arm to hurt so I FINALLY had my reason to call him. and then we talked on the phone for the next three hours and I honestly don’t even remember much of that anymore.

Sasha later said it was when he seriously fell in love. so. Tadaa! that’s kind of it! After that it’s more personal and more domestic, so! Sorry it’s so long, but you asked for it:D

i. domesticity

I drink milk every day because my doctor says I need it to grow. Kind of like I need this calcium rush in order to make my bones stronger so I stop cracking them so easily. Preventing them from ever reverting to the weak, knobbly knees of last summer when a boy I had a crush on. Had a crush on, crushed me. Like a pulp. Into grains. Like a spoon grinding up soggy cereal swimming at the bottom of a bowl. I wake up in the middle of the night, remembering I didn’t drink 3 glasses today, and run to the refrigerator in my socks and chug it straight from the gallon, barbaric and yearning like a schoolgirl hitching her skirt up too high, and picture the white flowing through my veins. Softening me. Rounding me out. Giving me curves. I get a brain freeze instead and pray I’ll stop crying over spills and that I can sleep with this cold lurching in my stomach.

ii. vicinity

Maybe one day my hair will stop being so limp in the heat, but I don’t think that kind of thing can be anticipated, so I just have to wait. Girls like me live in the back of an un-air-conditioned convenience store, ratty sweatpants, tight tank tops, and crawl out with week-old receipts bursting from their pockets. Like glued ribcage kind of girls, like elastic hair tie, red marks around the wrist kind of girls. The cashier doesn’t mind when I snag a magazine from the rack and browse through it without paying because no matter how hard I try, I end up looking pre-pubescent anyway. And they let things slide. For a girl like me, at least. I’m saying, lopsided bun, wide eyes, a mouthful of crooked teeth, stars pulling them into their places, I was always too scared to get braces. The cover has some headline about how to enlarge your breasts naturally, which I think might be useful, and another about how to communicate effectively with others without saying hurtful things, which makes me laugh. I flip to the back to check my horoscope and eat that prophetic, adolescent shit catered to the teenage soul up like Eucharist laid under the tongue. Swallow down a spoonful of March’s: “Prepare to face some stress this month, but that’s okay! You’ll be able to get through it and find time to relax.” I want to rip out the page and shove it into my bra, like keeping these soft, meaningless words close to my chest will make them seep into my heart and change me. Stop making me think so much, fill my brain up with Arizona tea and static instead. But I’m cheap, and I shove the magazine back. I think my chest will stay flat forever.

iii. mobilization

I seek healing. Mending. I’m fingernails deep, sitting in the back of a subway at 3 a.m., pressing crescent moons into the leather seat, trying to dig up salvation. You can’t find that here, you can’t find that in the cracks between the tiles, you can’t find comfort in the ground up cigarette butt stamped into the floor. I’m wishing against this fogged up glass I could say anything, anything that would make sense for once, so someone could help me. Like please, my mind is bending in backwards, like please, I don’t think this underdeveloped chest can take any more of this resentment or it’s going to explode through my ribcage, out of my flesh, like please, I don’t want to hurt anymore. And it’s not my fault that I launch myself around like I’m in some sick little competition, pretending I don’t care, like I’m having the time of my life. Of course I’m not, of course I’m not, I don’t think having your hands shake and your brain go fuzzy whenever you think a little too much is fun, something to be documented for the world to see. I guess I’m different from other people that way, I’d rather people think I’m having a good time than actually have one without anyone knowing. I wish I knew how to sew, so I could stitch up my fibrillating heart, no matter how sloppy and crooked, but the needle jabs my finger as the subway lurches left, and I bleed, I bleed, I bleed.

iv. unearthliness

My mom told me not to walk naked in front of the altar. Disrespectful, she called it, and even though I agree, sometimes I test my divinity and emerge from the bathroom, the steam from the shower wafting off smoke like the incense in its pot. Young god, skin tinted green from fake gold. Young god, empty stomach, fruit scooped out of its rind, leaving me seedless. This hatred has roots, and I don’t know whether I want to dig out my insides with my hands or fill myself up until I’m close to bursting. I let people think the scratches on my knees are from a night of alcohol and a boy tugging my hair. Of course, it’s that and not child worship on a scratchy rug, not begging for forgiveness, not praying for glamour and glory, not hoping for. Of course it’s not hoping for something better.

—  this pain lasts in every location
Protégé [Part 6] (M)

Originally posted by jjks


[Part 1] - [Part 2] - [Part 3] - [Part 4] - Part 5]

Thirty-four hours.

It had been thirty-four hours since you’d yelled at Jungkook and he had left your office. It had been thirty-four hours since you’d collected yourself after shattering your phone set into pieces and ran out of your office looking for him. Jaebum told you with a dejected frown that Jungkook had left. Where to? His guess was just as good as yours, if not worse.

You ran out to your car, the chill of the night air biting against your bare arms and cheeks, but you’d be lying if you said you felt it. You went at a crawl through the streets, stomping down on the brakes and squinting to make out the face of each and every pedestrian you past who resembled Jungkook in any way. You had even called out to a few of them, earning you nothing more than odd stares or blatant ignorance. You didn’t believe he could have gotten very far, but after two hours of driving, there was no sign of him.

The hospital’s visiting hours were long over, which cut that out as an option. And it took a persuasive conversation and a few slow swipes of your tongue across your painted lips to convince the security guard of Jungkook’s apartment building to tell you that no one had come in or out since six that night. He’d left your building much later than that.

You returned to the building, your jaw aching from hours of clenching your teeth and your eyes downcast, staring at nothing in particular. Jaebum greeted you, and before he could get the chance to ask you what had happened, you held your hand up to him. You were tired of questions, you were tired of explaining things. But, mostly, you just didn’t want to relive the truth of the matter–this was entirely your fault.

Keep reading

Growth and Failure

The longer the story, the more failures there should be and the greater the change that should occur.

This is the case for anything you write, but the more episodic the series is, the more this holds true. TV series, ongoing web series, and web comics are the most obvious examples of this.

Basically what this means is that your characters can’t succeed at everything they try to do. One thing about shows like Supernatural (the early seasons) is that you as the viewer know that, for the most part, by the end of every episode, the Monster of the Week will have been defeated and everyone you care about will still be alive and healthy. There are overarching plots, but they are tangential to most episodes and don’t affect much.

In Stargate SG-1, on the other hand, they spend eight season facing one major enemy (the Goa’uld), and they spend many of the episodes fighting the Goa’uld in some form or another. And sometimes they fail and the Goa’uld win, and sometimes they win and that later helps the Goa’uld win, and sometimes they don’t fight the Goa’uld at all, and those missions may be either successful or not to a lesser degree. Beyond that, there are lower level failures: they try to make a spaceship and it almost kills some of them, they try to make a new spaceship, it doesn’t work as hoped at a pivotal moment and they almost lose the entire planet, they build a giant spaceship and it gets stolen (briefly), they build more giant spaceships and one gets shot down over a planet and then later they need to get that spaceship home and it (temporarily) gets stuck in a giant sentient gas cloud. All of this means that sometimes they don’t have a spaceship that can do what they need even though they’ve been trying to build one for most of the show, but at the end of the show, they end up with spaceships whose capabilities and weaknesses play a pivotal role in the show.*

My point in recounting all of that (other than to get you all to watch Stargate) is to show that, especially when you have a long series where you want to show a great deal of growth (and I’ll explain why you need that in a second), you can’t just have them win every time they try to grow or every time they try to defeat an enemy. You have to have them fail, too, or there will be no stakes and it will be hard to suspend disbelief.

So…why do you need growth?

Basically, if you end up in the same place that you started, what was the point of your story?

Well, you cry, they defeated the major enemy. Isn’t that enough?

And to that I ask (because I like holding imaginary teaching sessions): If they could defeat the major enemy (or if they could get the girl/boy/non-binary person, or if they could get into the school they wanted, or if they could do whatever else they want to do) with the capabilities they had in the beginning, why didn’t they? There is no need for a story if your characters have everything they need to succeed when the story starts.

And as for why you need failure? Here are three reasons.

One, failure is realistic. Things rarely work well on the first try, especially more than once, which means that the more things a character (or group, organization, etc.) is trying, the more they should fail. If you think about someone trying to learn a language, they basically never (without an eidetic memory) remember all words the first time they see/hear them, or use grammar perfectly on the first try, or pronounce every word correctly. They will get some, but they will rarely get all. The same should go for someone who is trying to learn how to fight, for example. Even if you get everything right the first time you are shown it (which may or may not happen), you’re not going to get it right every time. You might fail more at some things than at others, or fail at the same thing over and over. Sometimes it’s because you don’t understand how to do it, sometimes it’s because your brain and your body aren’t communicating well, and sometimes it’s because your muscles just aren’t strong enough or your body isn’t flexible enough for it to work. Those are all failures that can and do happen in real life.

Two, failure raises the stakes. If you know the main characters are going to succeed at everything they try, or that their failures aren’t going to have any consequences beyond that episode (or chapter, etc.), there are no stakes. There is no concern for whether the character will do well or whether they will be ready in time, because they always are. There is no risk, because there is no failure.

Three, failure is interesting. As we see in Stargate, entire episodes can be built around failures. Failures make for interesting storylines, and sometimes successes that turn into failures can turn into even more interesting storylines. You defeat the Big Bad only to have a Bigger Bad rise up because of it? That’s a great storyline, and shows what was ultimately a failure by the characters. You stop someone for personal reasons at the expense of stopping someone for strategic reasons? Great storyline, because it not only prolongs and changes the conflict, it also adds an opportunity for personal growth and/or conflict into the mix.

With that, failures can also cause really interesting interpersonal interactions. Let’s so all of the characters are counting on Bob to pull off one part of the plan, and despite trying his best, Bob fails. Now everyone blames Bob (or maybe some subset of them blame Bob, depending on their personalities) and it causes tension in the group. Maybe this tension ultimately leads to Bob leaving because he can’t take the blame anymore. Now you have a splintered group all from Bob’s one failure.

What types of growth and failure can you have?

(I’m glad you asked, me.)

Here are some examples (primarily for militaristic/adventure type stories, but there’s a mix)**:

  • Building an army (or a group of people)
    • Not be able to convince people to join
    • Have traitors in the midst
    • Have large numbers die/be killed
    • Have people defect
    • Have ideological/strategic differences with allies
  • Building a new form a transportation
    • Not have it ready in time
    • Have it not go far enough
    • Have it not go fast enough
    • Have it fail mid-journey
    • Have it explode mid-journey
  • Building a weapon
    • Not have it ready in time
    • Have it not work
    • Have it explode in testing
    • Have it fail during use
  • Learning to fight
    • Not be ready in time
    • Hurt self while training
    • Not have the strength
    • Not have the endurance
  • Learning magic
    • Lose control
    • Not have the magical capacity
    • Not understand the theory
    • Not perform key rituals
    • Perform key rituals wrong
    • Not have key materials
  • Learning a language
    • Forget vocabulary
    • Forget grammar
    • Not understand grammar
    • Be unable to pronounce words
    • Be unable to understand spoken words
    • Misunderstand nuances
  • Translating/decoding something
    • Misunderstand nuances
    • Mistranslate words
    • Know the wrong dialect
    • Have the wrong key
    • Looking for something
    • Follow misleading clues
    • Have someone else find it first
  • Taking territory
    • Not have sufficient forces
    • Not have sufficient ability to break walls
    • Lose too many forces
    • Be unable to hold territory
  • Getting a romantic partner
    • Cheat
    • Make bad decisions while intoxicated
    • Forget significant dates/events
    • Say inappropriate or mean things
    • Misunderstand what is being said
    • Miscommunicate
  • Getting a degree
    • Not having enough money
    • Not studying enough
    • Not getting good enough grades
    • Not having the time
    • Having other life issues that distract from it
  • Forming a government
    • Have ideological splits
    • Have political splits
    • Have factions form
    • Have coup attempts
    • Be unable to govern
    • Be unable to create a working organizational structure
    • Be unable to create adequate civil service (police, roads, etc.)

*Of course, Stargate has some of its own issues with this, like the fact that Daniel has been brought back to life more than once, so the viewers stop believing that Daniel is ever actually dead.

**When I use the term failure, I don’t mean that it is the fault of the character or organization (necessarily, though in some cases it might be). I just mean that it is not-success.

Touch Me, Touch You | 01 (M)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5


BTS; Yoongi/Suga (Ft. J-Hope/Hoseok)

Genre: Smut | PWP

Word count: 1.7k

Description: Yoongi gets a surprise when he thought he had the apartment all to himself.

Anonymous requested: Voyeurism with Yoongi was supposed to be a drabble but turned into this…

Warnings: Spanking, masturbation

A/N: I…. have no words to explain myself here… This is the first part to Yoongi’s birthday scenario so…. There will be a concluding part posted on his bday ^^ Do I dare tag @ellieljade because she coaxed me to post this tbh…. 

Originally posted by parkejimins

Keep reading

Ok so about season 4

Ok so what the fuck was up with the shafting the team gave keith this season?

Like, he’s on approved missions, he’s gathering intel on the enemies movements with the blade, what are you guys doing while he’s doing that

bringing in supply ships? ok good you dont need voltron for that

air show? why not just record voltron doing its job and send video footage of that to all the potential allies? lets you do your work and by the time the galra get there hands on the footage you should have packed up with your saved ship or pilfered supplies and been gone, the universe can live without lances rope dancing with red (and bless the red lions patience for allowing that display i would have wagged the rope)

spreading out supplys?plenty of hands for that if you trusted some of those allies you made to help you, its basically for appereances anyway your not even using the lions.

You guys approved of him going on these intel missions, he is getting information the enemy Does Not Want You having, there is a new type of quintessence to worry about! who knows what there using that quintessence for they might revive zarkon with it (oh WOOPS already happened guess we should do another air show after finding this out)

and the butt fucking keith gets for the doing the job he said he would! like-

“dont talk to me about how your mission went immediatly go help them grab these four supply ships stuck in space obviously they need you right now and not allura and blue who are already here and always ready to help those on her side”

“Oh look who finally got back from his important mission and not helping us get supply ships back to base when we clearly needed him and not allura who is doing-uhhhhh I dont know what but not this you should be HERE jerk omg”

and then shit hits the fan while keiths working, there was no attack planned by voltron at this point, it was a routine day, keith was already on the mission before everyone got attacked, nobody tried to stop him from the imformation gathering mission becouse they did not plan anything that required voltron

the attack wasnt.keiths.fault. and all that came from the attack was a good thing in most peoples eyes 

the attack could have happened anytime, hell it could have happened when pidge was looking for her brother or when pidge hunk and lance were getting supplies last time without allura and keith

and when he gets back from his mission

OH when he gets back


You cant fucking look at this image and convince me they were not gonna bench keith or tell him to go with the memora permanently with how angry they were

they only calmed down in my eyes once keith said “I know I fucked up and I’ll leave now that im not needed you dont have to say it yourselves” 

and just- what they say to him before that moment

(he has nothing to be sorry about damn it)

he was doing a job that needed to be done, that you need done and have been writing off as unimportant compared to your air shows, its like saying its voltrons fault for a galaxy having its life force drained across the universe while voltron is saving a different galaxy(which by the way, voltron isnt even saving planets if voltrons doing fucking air shows)

and then he says “hey if theres anything good about this at least shiros piloting the black lion again im gonna complete my very important information gathering mission and spend more time on it now that shiros back in the pilot seat” 

and SUDDENLY  everyone is totally happy with him doing the mission! there making sappy good byes and saying “oh yeah we dont need you here anymore sure totally go complete that mission we were mad at you for doing for these past few months” 

he’s been trying to tell everyone how big this damn mission is and there only now listening when there angry at him and hes leaving!

this episode

really really soured every episode voltron wasnt in battle

I couldnt fully enjoy pidge and matt reuiniting, epidose 4 had to be skipped I was just, couldnt care after this episode

Im pretty sure Im not articulating all the points and how this episode made me mad at team voltron, but its what im able to get out right now, ill probably talk more later

just

argh

You're the one (G.D)

A/N: I combined two requests btw. AND YES I KNOW I TOOK FOREVER. THIS IS A LONG ASS IMAGINE SO BE READY. Oh yeah Idk how to write childbirth, so if it’s not accurate..sorry. Lol anywaysss hope you enjoy (ITALICIZED PARGRAPH IS A FLASH BACK)

Requests: “Okay. So I was thinking what if we had a Grayson imagine where the reader had been best friends with them both forever. She gets with Ethan and she gets pregnant but Ethan dumps her and runs away. She’s left with massive anxiety and depression but Grayson helps build her back up and raises the kid as his own and they end up having loved each other forever.”

“Hey girl, hey. Can you do an imagine where Y/N and Grayson get home from the hospital with their baby girl, and that night, Grayson won’t sleep and he’s just kinda sitting there because he wants to protect the baby and he’s nervous something will happen to her? Make sense? Yes no? ilysmmmm 💕🖤❤”

Word count: 12,500 +

Warnings: Cusses, Birth, and this is extremely long so yeah :) OH YEAH LOTS OF TIME SKIPS SO PAY ATTENTION :D

Originally posted by loveviral




“Y/N..you have to get up.” Grayson murmured as he poked your leg through the duvet draped across your body. “No. Leave me here to wallow alone in my own sorrow.” You retorted, however your words were muffled by the pillow that your tear stained face was shoved up against. Grayson seemed to understand what you were saying, but he wasn’t having it. “Get up, it’s not healthy for you, or the baby.” He reasoned and poked your leg once again. Becoming frustrated, you kicked out a leg at him and groaned into your pillow. He caught your ankle in one of his hands and you squealed. “Gray! Let me go!” You lifted your head up to look back at him. He had a devilish, but cute smirk plastered onto his face as he pulled your foot up towards his mouth. Your lips formed an “O” shape and you let out a tiny gasp. “You wouldn’t..” You whispered as Grayson cocked an eyebrow, “Oh, I would. Unless you get your lazy ass up and off the bed.”
“Fine! Fine! Just don’t lick my foot, that’s gross. Do you have a foot fetish or something?” You said as he dropped your foot, letting it softly bounce onto the bed. “No but Eth..sorry.” Grayson trailed off as your eyes darted towards the ground. “It’s fine..its been three months, Gray..I should be over it.”

“But you’re not.”

“I know.” You said, your voice cracking just the slightest bit. Grayson looked at you, his look said it all. Sympathy and pain, his eyes wrinkled just a little because he was frowning, his lips curved downwards a bit. He had bags under his eyes, he hadn’t gotten much sleep and that was partially your fault. Okay, it was all your fault.

Being pregnant was horrible, you were constantly throwing up or just feeling crappy throughout the entire day. So, when you and Grayson would fall asleep, you would always creep into his bedroom complaining about headaches or stomach pains. Or, he’d have to run to the bathroom to help hold your hair up.
So, he eventually ended up moving into your bedroom, it made things much easier but he still lost sleep. Maybe more since you kept tossing and turning a lot.

Grayson walked over to your side of the bed and bent down to your level, he lifted up a hand and softly caressed your jaw and cheek. He used his thumb to push away the stray strands of hair as your head fell against his palm, so he cupped your face. “Time heals everything.” He whispered. “Well time is taking an awfully long time to do so, Grayson.” You muttered as Grayson leaned forward. His lips made soft contact with your forehead and your eyes fluttered shut at the relieving feeling. His lips lingered for a few seconds before he pulled away. “Just trust me.” He mumbled and stood up. You sighed and looked down at your growing stomach. It wasn’t very big, you were able to cover it with some of Grayson’s T-shirts and his baggy sweatshirts, but you knew you’d grow to be the size of a whale, not being able to fit into anything. The thought made you frown, you’d have to work out a lot more often to lose all the weight and Grayson would consistently have to remind you that you weren’t fat, it was just the baby. Of course you being you, you wouldn’t listen to him.
Delicately, you pressed your cold palm against your belly and sighed.

A tiny human was growing inside of you, and it didn’t have a father…
Well it did..but he didn’t want either of you.

Keep reading

Buffing a Low CR Encounter

Class Levels

The most straightforward method of increasing a low CR creature’s CR is by giving it class levels or by increasing it’s stats using the table in the back of the DMG. It’s a bit tedious, but it makes a more interesting creature once you are finished with it. No one expects the goblin with wizard levels or the kuo-toa with levels in monk!

More of them

Don’t do this one often, but you can always send a large number of low-CR monsters at the party. While adding class levels requires a lot of prep time, lots of monsters requires a lot of wasted in-game time, and that has potential to bore the players. But every once in a while, you can just send a whole bunch of monsters at them. When it doesn’t happen every single session, it’s a fun romp for the players to be able to feel powerful but still run the real risk of damage. Thanks to 5e’s bounded accuracy, more enemy attacks means more potential harm.

Lasting Effects

When players realize that the normally low-level encounter they are facing offers a lasting debuff attached to it, suddenly the encounter becomes more meaningful. They will have to take extra steps to avoid diseases, poisons, magical effects, or injury. For instance, a regular old giant rat is no threat at all at a pathetic CR of 1/8. But the locals have all been suffering from a plague carried by vermin, suddenly a bunch of rats has potential of ruining a PC’s entire day if they fail a save. Melee characters might opt to fight from range or spellcasters might need to burn a higher-than-normal spell slot to take them out quickly. A drow that drops a large creature with a small cut before going after the PCs suddenly becomes a hit away from poisoning a PC with who knows what sort of diabolical substance.

Hazards

Environmental hazards can make advantages for enemies and disadvantages for the party which together can significantly alter an encounter’s CR. If kobolds are firing crossbows prone from high ground and have cover firing upon the PCs in an open area with plenty of traps hidden all over and a lava moat to find a way across, the PCs will take plenty of damage before ever reaching them. Even if they don’t take damage, they will likely waste valuable resources over a handful of kobolds. Carefully tailor your encounters in the enemies’ favor if they are a lower CR than the players, who will have to get lucky or clever to overcome the tipped scales.

Special Abilities

There’s always a handful of abilities that you can throw at the PCs. Whether it’s the ones in the book (shoving, grappling, flanking) or ones you invent as a DM. Matt Colville once defending 4e D&D and its Powers for enemies. They always did something, and in terms of monsters they were occasionally unique to other editions of D&D. Try adding some unique abilities to your lower-level monsters that make sense for that creature. When I ran a game with an Aboleth, I heavily homebrewed some new abilities for it to surprise my players. I gave it a sort of Mind Blast (like a Mind Flayer) that would only knock creatures unconscious, making it easier to capture and enthrall players that got separated. I also gave it the ability to phase through ice as it was in a giant “aquarium” with ice walls, so it could either observe the PCs from its murky water or attack when it chose to reveal itself, or even drag a PC into the tank with it to coat it in its diseased mucous. Admittedly, an Aboleth is not a low-CR monster. But on its own, the PCs would have easily taken it out so I gave this guy plenty of advantages to tip the odds in its favor and the players still pulled through eventually. But I had made an easy encounter into a very challenging one.

Stakes

Increasing the stakes of an encounter can alter how PCs approach a challenge. If players have to stay undetected, then even a bunch of orcs will be a threat to a party trying to sneak by a low-level monster, because it’s no longer about “can they kill it?” but “can they kill it before it has a chance to yell or else sneak by it?” Another option might be a requirement NOT to kill the creatures in an area. Maybe they are breaking into their own allies’ palace for information or to ‘borrow’ some magic item, but have no ill intent against the guards. Killing one might put them at massive fault. A time limit can increase the stakes of an encounter where they actually need to consider “should we waste time to kill these low-level creatures?” Perhaps those low-level creatures need to just be avoided instead so the players don’t spend too many precious rounds dealing with combat. There are plenty of other ways to increase the stakes of a battle, so get creative!

Camping

A/N: OMG SO THE LOVE OF MYLIFE @purelyparker WANTED A CAMPING HEADCANON THING OMG SO HERE WE GO. ILY BABE UR AMAZING (go check our her blog omg) 

Omg here we go

Word Count: 2141

Warnings: swearing

Masterlist

  • So it was a long weekend near the beginning of the school year and you, Peter, Ned, and MJ ended up on the road with Peter’s Aunt May to go on a camping trip. 
  • It was kind of a long drive
  • Ok it wasn’t that long but when you ended up sitting in the backseat squished between MJ and Ned it felt really long 
  • Only because Ned and Peter were arguing about Star Wars and Michelle had her head stuck in a book 
  • Not to mention the fact that you got car sick 
  • Halfway through the drive you started to feel really nauseous and Peter being the smol, soft bean ™ that he is, noticed you weren’t feeling well 
  • “Y/N what’s wrong?” 
  • “Nothing, just a bit nauseous from the traffic and sitting in the middle and such,” 
  • “Aunt May can you pull over?” He asked 
  • “Peter, if you haven’t noticed I can’t exactly do that, we’re in the middle of a three lane highway stuck in traffic,” 
  • Peter sighed and un did his seatbelt 
  • “Okay, Y/N, climb over the middle and you sit here, and then i’ll climb over and sit where you’re sitting,” 
  • You took a second to process what Peter had said but you listened, un did your seatbelt and moved to the front seat of the car 
  • EXCEPT 
  • YA BOI PETER WAS STILL SITTING THERE AND YOU ENDED UP IN HIS LAP 
  • YOU WERE BOTH BLUSHING SO HARD 
  • MAY JUST CHUCKLED TO HERSELF 
  • Eventually, Peter moved out from under you (wink wonk) and moved to the back seat
  • It wasn’t the much longer of a drive but every once and a while Peter would still check on you to make sure you were feeling alright. 
  • When you finally got there and clambered out of the car, Peter and Ned began pulling out everyone’s things 
  • “Did you two idiots think that maybe we should build our tents first before we pull everything else out?” MJ said
  • Then Ned did that cute thing he does in Homecoming where he touches his nose and points (ya know when he found out that the internship was just Peter being Spiderman and then Peter forced Ned to leave his room) 
  • So Peter and Ned pulled out the tents
  • Initially you and May had offered to help 
  • MJ said she would rather sit on the picnic bench and watch them struggle 
  • Peter and Ned insisted that they didn’t need your help 
  • BUT THESE TWO HEADASSES 
  • They spent so much time struggling not actually understanding how to put a tent together 
  • You eventually decided to help them 
  • “Y/N are you sure that’s right? Ned and I pretty much had this figured out,”
  • “HA YOU’RE FUNNY PARKER,” 
  • Literally you took over and everything was done in five minutes 
  • Ned believed in you the entire time 
  • Peter just wanted to look manly in front of you but we don’t talk about that 
  • “Can we start the campfire yet” 
  • “Peter its not even close to being dark”
  • “Oh come on Y/N” 
  • One simple glare from you would completely shut him up 
  • May decided that instead of sitting around on your camp ground that you four needed to go exploring and she would set up the other tent 
  • Michelle refused to leave her book despite Peter’s protests 
  • You found yourselves by a river in a small wooded area 
  • You begged everyone to go exploring 
  • Michelle kindly declined and sat down on a rock to keep reading 
  • Ned decided that he wasn’t interested in falling into a river while climbing around and stayed near Michelle 
  • PETER STARTED OFF SAYING THAT MAYBE YOU GUYS SHOULDN’T GO WANDERING BUT THE SECOND YOU SAID “what are you scared Spiderman?” THIS BOY BASICALLY CHALLENGED YOU 
  • HE NEEDED TO PROVE TO YOU (the love of his life ofc) THAT HE WAS NOT AFRAID 
  • LOL SO YOU TWO HEADASSES END UP CROSSING THIS RIVER 
  • Lmao but its flowing really fast and Peter was trying to show off 
  • This boy fucking slips off the rock he was on and ends up in the river 
  • BUT HE DOESNT JUST FALL IN 
  • THE CURRENT PULLS HIM DOWNSTREAM FOR LIKE 200 METERS 
  • Lmaooo you hurry to get back to the river bank and shout to Michelle and Ned to help you save Peter 
  • You’d think with being an Avenger and all this boy would be able to stand on a fucking rock 
  • But no 
  • When you got to Peter he was pulling himself ashore 
  • “Peter you idiot! I almost had a heart attack” 
  • “Almost? You mean me falling into a river only almost sent you into cardiac arrest?” 
  • “Shut up Peter you scared me” 
  • Peter pulls you in for a hug 
  • “OH MY GOD GET OFF ME YOU’RE SOAKED” 
  • “But I thought I scared you, i’m only trying to make you feel better” 
  • And then he would hug you tighter while you struggled to get away 
  • Ned and Michelle were standing a few feet away, forced to listen to the two of you 
  • *cough* “get a room” *cough* 
  • “What was that Ned?” 
  • “Oh nothing, Y/N” 
  • When you got back to the camp site May was not pleased with Peter 
  • “Peter BeNJAMIN PARKER” 
  • “ITS NOT MY FAULT. Y/N AND I WERE CLIMBING NEAR THE RIVER AND THEY JUST PUSHED ME IN AND I-“ 
  • “BULLSHIT PETER I DID NO SUCH THING” 
  • May stood there with her hands on her hips glaring at the two of you 
  • “Peter go change before you catch a cold. I can’t believe all of you I leave you alone for 30 minutes and my nephew comes back with half the river on him,” 
  • When Peter came back he was in a pair of sweats and a tshit with his wet hair forming into his luscious curls that you really wanted to run your fingers though 
  • “Can we start the fire now?” 
  • “It will be dark soon…” Ned added 
  • “Jeez fine but you two have to go get the fire wood,” 
  • Ned and Peter began wandering off to find that fire wood 
  • Jokes on them though 
  • May bought firewood while you were trying to pullPeter out of the river 
  • You had the fire started in less than five minutes 
  • Peter and Ned didn’t even care that you pointlessly sent them out into the woods to get wood because THEY WERE JUST SO EXCITED FOR THE CMAPFIRE
  • You were all sitting around the campfire just enjoying each other’s company and 
  • It started to get dark and  C O L D cause u idiots went camping in october
  • But you were sitting next to Peter and this boy noticed you shivering and low-key moved closer to you 
  • “Y/N do you want my sweater” 
  • “But then you’ll freeze” 
  • Peter rolled his eyes at you “I’m spiderman ill be fine” 
  • “That can’t be your excuse for everything” 
  • “But I’m spiderman” 
  • “Fine give me your sweater you can freeze” 
  • Peter slips his sweater off and hands it to you 
  • IT WAS SOCOMFY
  • You JUST SNUGGLE DEEPER INTO IT AND IT SMELLS LIKE PETER ANDYOUR HEART JUST MELTS A LIL BIT 
  • “You having a good time with my sweater there Y/N?” 
  • “Actually I am. I might have to take this sweater back to my sleeping bag with me tonight. I think this sweater can show me a good time,” 
  • “Oh my god Y/N, Peter please stop flirting the rest of us have to sit here and listen to the two of you,” 
  • Eventually you guys decided to make s’mores 
  • BOI IT WAS GREAT 
  • You all were roasting marshmallows 
  • May refused to let any of you be in charge of chocolate and gram crackers so she was manning the station 
  • May was right 
  • There were accidents 
  • There was chocolate smeared 
  • There were broken crackers 
  • There was marshmallow stuck to things it should not be stuck to 
  • Long story short, It’s good that marshmallow washes out of hair 
  • Ok lets go into the story cause LMAO WE GOTTA 
  • Peter’s dumb 
  • He got marshmallow in your hair 
  • “PeTeR?!??!!?!?!???” 
  • “I’M SORRY Y/N I DIDN’T MEAN TO” 
  • PeTeR pArkEr yOuRe goInG tO pAy FOr tHiS” 
  • Needless to say, Peter had some marshmallow in more than just his hair by the time you got to him 
  • When you were done s’mores May offered to tell you all a ghost story 
  • She actually managed to scare Ned 
  • And May decided to graciously spook you guys and then head to her tent to go to bed 
  • Michelle told the next story 
  • SHE SPOOKED ALL OF YOU 
  • You and Peter were curled under a blanket
  • YOU TWO WERE ACTUALLY LOOKING BEHIND YOU GUYS AFRAID THAT SOMEONE WAS GONNA GET YOU 
  • Fucking Michelle 
  • “OK NO MORE GHOST STORIES” 
  • Ned suggested truth or dare 
  • It was a little after 10pm and you losers were sitting around a campfire that was burning out and playing truth or dare 
  • It was stupid stuff at first 
  • Until Michelle dared you to kiss Peter 
  • “You don’t have to kiss me Peter,” 
  • “Are you kidding? If we don’t kiss you have to go into the woods and bring back a rock. No way am I letting you go out there. What if Michelle’s story was true? What then? You’d be dead,” 
  • “Good to know you’re willing to kiss me only so I don’t die” 
  • “No! No! That’s - I didn’t - no- I mean I always want to - I don’t want you to… I want to kiss you!” 
  • Instead of waiting for your response Peter just full out kisses you 
  • And by full out 
  • I mean as full out as two fifteen year old’s can kiss. 
  • Peter pulled away and LOWKEY THE BOHT OF YOU WERE SMILING LIKE CRAZY 
  • “Well I’m gonna head to bed” 
  • “YEAH ME TOO” 
  • You and Peter were left alone, sitting very close to one another, under the same blanket, UNDER THE STARS, in front of a dying fire 
  • OFC YOU’RE GOING TO CUDDLE 
  • “So did you really only kiss me because you dind’t want me to die,” 
  • “I mean it’s one of the reasons” 
  • “So what are the others” 
  • “Ah, you don’t get to find out that easily” 
  • “Fine. Truth or dare,” 
  • “Dare,” 
  • “I dare you to tell me the other reasons” 
  • “That’s not fair”
  • “Do you want me to make you go into the woods and get a rock?” 
  • Peter started leaning closer to you 
  • “You wouldn’t send me out there. You’re too scared to be alone” 
  • “Not true” you lied 
  • Peter STILL LEANING CLOSER
  • “Totally true” 
  • THIS BOY WAS KISSING YOU AGAIN 
  • LIKE LIPS ON YOURS 
  • MOVEMENT 
  • ACTUAL LIP AND TOUNGE ACTION FROM THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE PETER PARKER 
  • “I still don’t know the other reasons” 
  • “Oh my god, Y/N,”
  • You and Peter sat by the fire until it died completely 
  • STARGAZING
  • “C’mon Y/N, I wanna look at the stars” 
  • Peter dragged you away from your comfortable seat
  • He was holding your hand 
  • The blanket was wrapped over his shoulder and your shoulder so it was like one giant cape for two people 
  • Two person cape 
  • Vampires 
  • NOT THE POINT BUT 
  • Peter leads you to the picnic table where you lie down on the table and look up at the stars 
  • Peter never let go of your hand 
  • you’re cuddled up next to him while he points at all the stars and explains the different constellations 
  • You loved it the this boy talked 
  • It was so precious when he got excited about something 
  • Eventually when you started yawning Peter realized how late it was 
  • “WE should probably go to bed” 
  • “Probably” 
  • “I kind of don’t want to get up” 
  • “Me either” 
  • Headasses fell asleep the tbale like ten minutes later
  • You frequently woke up throughout the night FREEZING 
  • It dropped down to almost 0 degrees and you and Peter only had the one blanket 
  • Peter kept pulling you closer to him
  • When you woke up in the morning the sun was shining and Everyone else was sitting at the other picnic table eating breakfast 
  • “Good morning” May greeted you
  • You slowly sat up, unwrapping yourself from Peter’s arms 
  • “You two look comfy” ned said wiggling his eyebrows at you 
  • Peter woke up and joined your guys at breakfast
  • He brought the blanket with him and sat down next to you, keeping himself wrapped up 
  • Only letting one arm snake out so he could wrap it around your waist and pull you closer to him
  • “You were my furnace, now I’m cold and I need you to warm me up again,” 
  • “SURE” Ned said 
  • Let’s just say that the rest of the camping trip was a hell of a lot more of the same thing

Tag list: @violentlybarnes, @nosoulnoproblems, @tommynewtieminhie, @goodluckfindingone, @quacksonsgurl, @potterhead1265, @nevaehsuga, @mrsmusicaddict, @tronnoristheotp, @isabellyduh, @spiderrparkerr, @lots-of-liz, @darlin-you-bitch, @a-smol-badger, @seellllin10 

ain’t my fault || jeon jungkook

summary: 

a club meant for immortals doesn’t bode well for humans.

human!reader, vampire!kook

ain’t my fault. 

Keep reading

Masterlist

A lot more new and updated compared to the last one!

Writing is not ranked from newest to oldest. Also categorized by the 5sos boy. I suddenly got disappointed and lazy on myself so yup, shitty me started on Lego Blocks. So please do expect some pieces that don’t have descriptions and are not categorized by the time they were posted.


Oh and I’ve just realized that once you click SOME hyperlinks here, you’re gonna be automatically redirected to Safari or generally a browser because, Tumblr. So yeah, click this.


And yes, I did exclude some pieces of my writing from here because they’re just full of shit.


Last updated : November 26, 2016


//


Ashton

“You promise?” - Ashton worries about he’ll end up just like his father in terms of being a father so you assure him he’s not.

Eighth Month - how Ashton reacts, especially when you’re on your eighth month of pregnancy.

“Sorry.” -  Ashton’s slowly getting irritated since his girlfriend Y/N has already developed a habit of saying sorry way too much.

Ours - “How long would you keep doing this? Never letting go of our daughter?” You playfully asked.

Park Dates - Daddy Ashton forgets to take his daughter in a park date for the second time in a row.

Facade - behind Ashton’s facade of portraying to be a really happy person, is a dull life that only you, as his psychiatrist and the boys would know about. *slight trigger warning*

Long Way Home - Ashton takes the long way home in hopes of fixing his relationshi with you before he drops you off to your old flat, one last time.

Art Student!Ashton - he’s falling apart and it’s his fault.


Calum

Cool, right? - Calum’s idea of a family day which kinda turns out as a flop.

Eighth Month - how Calum reacts, especially when you’re on your eighth month of pregnancy.

Insomnia - you have insomnia and forgot to pack your medicine, causing the boys to have a competition on who can make you go to sleep first.

Baby Bump - Calum just really loves perching his hands up your baby bump.

nicotine - based from P!ATD’S song, ‘Nicotine’.

Talk to Me - Calum forgets to go on the date you were really looking forward to since he was drinking beers at Luke’s apartment.

Art Major!Calum - you helped Calum on boosting up his calligraphy skills since he sucks at it and one thing leads to another.

Not Now, Not Ever - Calum suddenly sobers up from his drunken state at the mention of you stating that you’re officially done with his antics.

Late - different writing style I was experimenting with.

“I have no energy to even talk to you.” - Calum cheats.

Good Luck Charm - you’re Calum’s good luck charm.

Masterpiece - Calum does something for your birthday which involves you being the masterpiece.

Weakling - both you and Michael decided to annoy Calum and Ashton at thr gym because why not?

Sweater Paws - he does this thing.

Cooties - he’s really shy around you that it’s like you have them.

Pregnant - slight trigger warning!

Monster - trigger warning!

Broken - he takes his wife which is you, for granted.

Flowers - he stops on giving them, which leads to something else.

History  - he was a complete idiot.

Petty - Calum’s petty.

Body Language - “Just know that I do love you.”

Buzzcut - Calum would get a portion of his hair shaved until it ends up as a buzzcut for every insecurity you would point out. *trigger warning*

Missing - “Hey PA.”

“I’m okay.” -  Calum and Y/N hate each other and Calum takes it too far by blaming Y/N for everything bad in the world during a fight.

Here - *trigger warning*

Here - Calum hates timezones.

No Reason -  plus-sized piece of writing that lives up to its label and shouldn’t be overlooked.

Night! - an upgrade of Period, the request I got for Luke.

Holiday - he’s nervous as fuck.

Late - he left, without a doubt nor an explanation.

Continue - his original plan.

Long Night - song pref.

“Suits you well.” - literally.

“That smells like me.” - stolen shirts.

“No.” - less talk, more sleeping.


Luke 

Eighth Month - how Luke reacts, especially when you’re on your eighth month of pregnancy.

Okay Then - trigger warning!

Daddy’s Little Princess - Luke lashes out onto his daughter, causing her to cry and make him feel like a shit father.

Twins - You and Luke are twins, and you’re disappointed that he won’t be able to attend to your graduation, but then, he still goes to it nonetheless.

Princess - Luke lashes out and starts a fight with you since you forgot to wash his plaid shirt since you have a fever.

Sneeze - You and your family visits the Hemmings household for the tradition of having dinners in each others’ houses. Luke puts something in a dish that triggers your allergy, and one thing leads to another.

Disneyland - slight smut!

Pregnancy Duties - Luke is sure as hell prepared to be a father.

“I sure as hell won’t.” - Luke refuses to say goodbye and let go of you.

Silent Treatments - Luke hates silent treatments.

“This time, I mean it.” - “By that, you’re hurt.”

“Are these enough?” - “Take care of you, of course. No question ‘bout that love.”

Outcast - you’re the outcast of the school but that was bound to change with Luke striking up a conversation with you.

Crazy - slight smut!

Family - “Welcome to the family.”

Period - you get it unexpectedly while you sleep over at Luke’s, leading into something a little awkward but unforgettable.

Jealous - Luke’s jealous because you’re management team decides on making you fake-date a guy, which is not him.

So Damn Cute - slight smut!

Good Enough - “If I’m not good enough for my own fucking dad Luke, if I cna’t be enough for the one man that was supposed to protect me no matter what, then I will never be enough for you, or enough to make you stay. *somehow triggering*

Mornings - you hate waking up in the mornings without Luke by your side so you throw a little tantrum about it while you’re in the process of convincing him  to stay at home.

Cuddles - FIRST EVER PIECE OF MY WRITING THAT I POSTED HERE :))))

Waste The Night - An unplanned trip a year ago was basically what made you and Luke a couple, and for fucks sake, Luke prayed that it won’t end here too.”

Tired - He smirked, “Husband material, don’t mention it. I already know.”

Powder Power - “Just so you know, Lexie told me that I have the powder power.”

Permanent - “You got a tattoo for me?”

Hold On - you start losing people that are very dear to you, loved one after loved one, and you’re afraid that Luke might be too.

Famous Last Words - Luke’s struggling to fulfill his part in his relationship with you while you pretend to not notice until a misunderstanding happens, which may mend what the of you are now.

“Please tell me this isn’t goodbye.” - “I almost thought I actually lost you.”

Surprise - it’s your birthday.

End Of It - fluff in where your husband of more than thirty years, which is Luke, finds your old wedding dress.

The Nice Guy - Luke has a massive crush on you so he constantly goes to the restaurant you’re working in while you deny your feelings for him, but you jealousy prevails when he brings his ‘girlfriend’ for a PR stunt.

Good - Luke makes a way.


Michael

Eighth Month - how Michael reacts, especially when you’re on your eighth month of pregnancy.

Get Scared - Michael thought you were the shy and girly girlfriend which he was then proved wrong later on. 

Snorlax - Michael uses Pokemon GO as a valid and a legit reason to barge into your house and confess his feelings for you.

Sex Tape - The boys accidentally find the sex tape you and Michael recorded.

Target - Michael bribes his and your daughter, Elle, with ice cream to not tell you that his daddy lost her in Target, which she adorably failed doing so.

Four A.M. - the first chapter of this fanfic that I originally posted in wattpad.

Mr. Toddles - Your fish that’s very dear to you dies, causing you to cry and Michael misunderstands it as something else.

Lego Blocks - Ex-boyfriend!Michael

Ex-boyfriend!Michael -  Ex-boyfriend!Mikey is in L.A and forgets his keys to his flat in another country, he goes to Y/N, his ex-girlfriend in hopes since she has spare keys.

Enthusiasm -  Michael lacks the enthusiasm Y/N deserves every time he’s with her.

Sexually Frustrated - smut!

Bracelets - one of my favorites. Trigger warning!

“I don’t want her to grow up just yet.” - he really doesn’t want his and yours baby girl too.

His First Fucking Word - “This is a fucking weird family.”

Anytime - you need comfort, Michael supplies.

Brother - “You are so dead. I’m gonna tell mom.”

Together - you’re falling for the person you hate.

“You’re making me love you more.” - Michael adores you.

Pause - inspired by Marshall and Lily from How I Met Your Mother.

“That’s today?” - he forgets your birthday.

“Commitment, bitch.” - Michael carries around his and yours baby girl, carrying her diaper bag and grinning with you. He then completely shuts off someone who made a rude remark about it.

Stellar - Michael adores kids.

Viridian Green - unknown to the public’s eye is how Michael truly is once he’s inside these four walls that he considers as home.

Own You - Michael proves to you that your dyslexia doesn’t own you.

“They reminded me of you.” - tour is finally over.

Maybe - you and Michael are exes, warming up to each other slowly but surely to cope up with the fact that you’re his P.A. And maybe,it was bound to change just because of what he said.

I’m open to the possibility.” - that you don’t love me anymore.

Meant To Be - literally hours before your wedded to Michael.


Preferences

Sorry

Baby Names

Bed Love

Nervous

Ticklish


Blurbs

michael as a dad would include

michael giving hugs

whatever you do, don’t try to imagine michael…

giving michael the silent treatment

dating ashton

yeah but

luke annoying you

fights with michael

daddy!luke

imagine Michael groaning out

“It was supposed to be cool.”

Ashton as a dad

ok but imagine this concept

a couple of seconds

after having a fight with calum

princess

yeah but

“Don’t you even dare.”

daddy ashton in the sidelines

calum as a dad

hugging a tired calum

drunk of his ass calum

nights with luke

michael as a dad

stuttering wedding vows


Moodboards

different calum faces

Happy Birthday, Luke! ¾

Happy Birthday, Luke! 2/4

Happy Birthday, Luke! ¼

really happy michael

aesthetic!luke

pouty calum

as per requested

malum lives on forever

hey sunshine

idk why

fluff, i like that shit

really happy luke makes me really happy

this makes me so happy

happy birthday michael

happy birthday michael 2/3

happy birthday michael 3/3

when you know you’ve been right all along


Number Stuff

1. “You don’t know how long I waited for you to burst in those doors and tell that you love me again.” c a l m

2. “She’s beautiful.” c a l m

3. “Fuck you.” c a l m

4. “I wrote a song. And it’s for you.” c a l m

5. “Just please. Just this once. Let me in again in those walls of yours.” c a l m

6. Love Me or Leave Me  c a l m

7. “I’ve grown used to it.” c a l m

8. “It got stuck.” c a l m

9. “Fuck, that’s hot.” c a l m

10. “I can’t help it.” c a l m

11. Always  c a l m

12. “I don’t know what would happen to me if you leave. But I can assure you that I’m not going be the same once you do it.” c a l m

13. “Hey. Wake up.” c a l m

14. “Don’t make me say it.” c a l m

15. The End  c a l m

16. “You made me a promise, daddy. And you broke it.” c a l m

17. “I’m afraid I can’t do that baby girl.” c a l m

18. “Shut up.” c a l m

19. “Sing me to sleep?” c a l m

20. “I’m tired.” c a l m

21. “No matter how much you shut me out, I still love you. And I can’t deny it.” c a l m

22. “Oh my god.” c a l m

23. “I know just the thing, baby.” c a  l m

24. “You’re killing me when you do that.”  c a  l m

25. “What the hell are you doing here?”  c a  l m

26. “No. No. And another fucking no.”  c a  l m

27. “Hey.”  c a  l m

28. “Please?”  c a  l m

29. “She has your eyes.”  c a  l m

30. “This is so sappy I want to cry and kill you at the same time.”  c a  l m

31. “Rubber gloves are just underrated condoms.”  c a  l m

32. I Miss You   c a  l m

33. “Sup homeboy.”  c a  l m

34. “Is that my shirt that you’re wearing?”  c a  l m

35. “Woah. T-that’s hot.”  c a  l m

36. “You should wear my snapbacks more.”  c a  l m

37. “Stop saying that.”  c a  l m

38. “It’s funny. Seeing you again here. Same time, same place.”  c a  l m

39. “Trust me, I tried my best.”  c a  l m

40. Inside Out  c a  l m

41. “It’s so fluffy. I need to stab someone to be punk rock I guess.”  c a  l m

42. “Boo-hoo little bitch.”  c a  l m

43. “I made a playlist. And all of the songs reminded me of you.”  c a  l m

44. “That’s one hell of a good looking pilot.”  c a  l m
45. “You can never be her.”  c a  l m

46. “I’m glad you don’t wear that shit.”  c a  l m

47. “I don’t want to say goodbye. And I never will.”  c a  l m

48. FOOLS  c a  l m

49. “I notice the little things about you. And they make a shit ton of difference.”  c a  l m

50. “Were you just jerking off?  c a  l m


Angst Alphabet


Ships


Quote Stuff

don’t make this a flop

- one


Are these what you call recs?

uno

dos

tres


Associated accounts

@im-cool-ask-my-mom (main blog that I barely use, follows and likes come from here)

@foursevenyearolddorks

@wootwootnewt

@onedirectiondevotee

@five-sauce-incorporated

@fivesaucepreferences-two

(don’t even bother finding the other seven)



Series

I’ll redo and probably continue these ones when I sort out everything, promise.

Tattoo Artist!Michael - masterlist

CEO!Calum - masterlist

Gang Leader!Ashton - masterlist

Divorced!Luke - masterlist

Prince!Luke - masterlist

Stupidly in Love - masterlist


Let’s co-write together!

I’m officially opening a portion in which you can submit any kind of writing, may be an imagine, a preference, a blurb or just of any kind of writing!


Requests are and always will be open :) !


If you do know anything on how to make a masterlist that really is made for mobiles, kindly send me an ask/message me about it. Thank you!


Enjoy reading :)

Stereotypical

Bucky Barnes x reader AU (short series) 

Notes: swearing, flirting, mentions of child abuse and alcoholism (past), none other yet

Summary: As a PA/secretary, you are all too familiar with the fantasies nearly all men share: banging their hot assistant. Former jobs haven’t worked out for you for that exact reason, and now starting out at a new company, as the secretary for the CEO of the hottest modelling agency in the country, you’re hoping this one will be different. But after meeting your new boss, Mr J.B. Barnes, you’re not so sure if it will be. Then again, maybe Mr Barnes is not as stereotypical as you think he is.   

A/N: Hi guys! This is a little something I’ve been working on lately. It’s only gonna be a few parts and I hope you enjoy it! 

“Whoa, hey there doll, what’s the rush?”

Quickly checking if you hadn’t dropped anything, to avoid any more embarrassment on the first day on your new job, you looked up at the man you’d just crashed (face-planted) into.

Keep reading

10

#kdramawomensweek || day eight: Happy International Women’s Day

Yoo Eun Jae (Park Hye Soo), Yoon Jin Myung (Han Ye Ri), Jung Ye Eun (Han Seung Yeon) , Kang Yi Na (Ryu Hwa Young), Song Ji Won (Park Eun Bin) ↦ Age of Youth (2016)

“Others are just like me. Other people are people, just like I am. They feel as uncomfortable as I do, and hesitate, just like I do. There are plenty of people who are as nice as I am.”  - Eun Jae

“Everyone has their own circumstances to deal with. And until you know the circumstances they’re in, you can’t tell people how to live their lives. I’m sure you have something like that about you, too. Something that others can’t understand about you, but you can’t help. That’s why you can’t judge people.” - Ji Won  

“I hate you because I want to become like you, but can’t. So I can’t help but hate you. That’s why it smells. There’s a rotting smell coming from my envy.” - Yi Na

“Sometimes, I want to cry out loud. I want someone to hear me crying. I want them to hear me cry, and tell me everything will be okay. I want someone to pat me on the back, and tell me that it’s not my fault.” - Jin Myung

“Lies may be similar to makeup. Just like one puts on makeup to hide their naked face, people use lies to hide the truth. I tell more and more lies as my makeup gets thicker. Since when did I start feeling that going out with no makeup on was embarrassing? Since when did I become so ashamed of the truth?” - Ye Eun

Each of the Belle Epoque girls is meant to play some sort of female archetype. Eun Jae is the painfully shy introvert, who would sooner walk over hot coals than willingly enter into conflict with someone. Ji Won is her near-perfect opposite, loud and bubbly, the perennial friend. Yi Na is the femme fatale, dangerous and seductive. Jin Myung is the Good Daughter, putting herself through college while paying off her mother’s debts, incurred while her brother lays comatose in a hospital bed. Ye Eun is the quintessential girl. The one who dresses just as she’s supposed to, the one with the frat boy boyfriend, with equally perfectly-dressed girlfriends to link arms with and walk around campus, giggling over the latest gossip. 

Yet, they’re so much more than these skeletal stereotypes might’ve forced them to be. 

Eun Jae swallows her anger until she can’t anymore, until she boils over. She tosses Ye Eun’s designer handbag out the window and screams at her housemates. When we dig a little deeper, we see that she has nightmares. That she’d been brave enough to protect her mother when she’d suspected that her father might kill her.

Ji Won knows everyone, making friends is as easy for her as breathing. She is the glue that holds the Belle Epoque girls together. And she’s a pathological liar. Falsehoods slip out for her as easily as the truth does. She tells tall tales, spinning them until she can no longer take it back. Yet, even as she spins her web of lies (with the ghost inside the apartment), she holds the girls together. Though her “ghost” is a made-up story, each of her roommates has heaps of baggage. That little lie in the end allows them to come to terms with their pasts and face their problems. She is the anchor; without her, they drift.

Yi Na suffers from a serious case of survivors guilt, to the extent that she carries the little girl who died when she lived, around with her like baggage. She looks after her housemates like a mama bear, protecting them (see: Ye Eun) even when they don’t wish to be. She carries heaps of self-loathing along with her designer bags, flashes her luxuries at her friends even as she envies them. 

Jin Myung stretches herself fifty different ways trying to do it all. And she wishes her brother would die, and put them all out of their misery. She wishes her mother would choose her, for once. She wishes she would stop having to be the one to sacrifice. She provides for them still. But she resents and she loathes, and it tears her apart.

Ye Eun shows off her perfect life, her perfect love life, while suffering through an abusive relationship. Through a petty, small, excuse of a man who puts her down at every opportunity. He is her captor, and though she knows what he does is wrong, she can’t help but crave his affection. She let’s go, eventually. She begins to overcome the abuse, one day. She’ll carry on with her life, because it’s what they do.

Every single one of these incredibly special girls has a spine of steel.

The media, society has a horrible track record when it comes to forcing women into boxes, restricting our actions. Yet Age of Youth takes hold of these archetypes and shows us all that there is no “one size fits all”. That one shoe fitting doesn’t mean it’s the only one you can wear.

Happy International Women’s Day, everyone!

Anti-Anxiety pt 2

Tag List:  @thebeautyofthomas @frustratedwaffle @killerfangirl3 @pippa-frost @extreme-doodles @fandomsofrandom @here-to-vent @i-prayed-to-you-cas @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @justanotherpurplebutterfly @emovirgil @aikogumi @mysticalcatamount@fallingineternity @notallpotatoesarefrenchfries @theoneandonlyfangirlofpower @holdnarrytight @sophieverse @fallingamor @fandomsandanythingelse @musicphanpie-b @cochroachkappa-blog @withoutfandomsiamnothing @mythicaltimewolf @lunalikesgamesandstuff @nyxwordsmith @nerdy-emo-royal-dad @bit-0f-a-fixer-upper @emopotatotrash @sunsetvirgil @youcancallmeverge @prplzorua @a-blog-just-for-sanders @prompty-writer @I-hate-this-part-right-here @ashrain5 @chemicallyimbalancedromance @that-space-gay-writes @demonickittykat @netzoflix @gracefullyinsanedancingunicorn @cutecatwhiskers @getupanddothething @virgil-sanders-protection-squad @thebeautyofthomas @chaoticgood-anon @beaucoupdesprits @itmepaigeb @vixenneko @too-early-in-the-morning @lil-lycanthropy @antisocialei @sandersthetics @alwaysmy-lilith @overshadowed-nerd @pattonsvirgil @existental-crises @undertale-trash217 @smallgaylion @clearlynotchloe @mira-jadeamethyst @all-the-fand0mz @awesomelissawho @thatteentitansgirl @myspace-anxiety @browniebri @polishu @imnotamermaidimanangel @simplelittlestar @lykasama @ice-cold-sparkling-water @acehufflepuff @organizeddiscord @azayta @abstractedthinking @dusk-lunari

CW: Mild body horror, mentions of death and dying, self-deprecating thoughts, negative self-talk, self-loathing, overhearing negative talk, character hatred

Part 1

*

He was dissolving. That was the only way Virgil could think to describe the sensation.

He lay in his bed, on his back, staring at the ceiling, and he couldn’t move, because…because there wasn’t enough of him left to move. He was dissolving, like…like he’d been made of sugar and someone had just pushed him into the rain, or (more accurately) like he’d been made of dust and ash and now stood in a great wind storm, buffeted by gusts that took little bits of him at a time. His edges were crumbling, flaking away, and soon there would be nothing left.

This is it.

He wanted to close his eyes but he couldn’t. His eyelids were gone. Had he ever had any at all? Did he even still have eyes? He could see nothing at all, and he could see everything. The weight of his body was vanishing, and his consciousness was beginning to spread, no longer contained in a physical vessel.

I’m reintegrating.

Of course. Of course. He would not simply be suppressed–that would never be enough for someone like him. He was being literally torn apart, taken down to his core functions, and they were being reintegrated into the greater consciousness of Thomas, to become a part of his automated machinery once more. He was losing everything that made him him. That made him unique, a distinct part of a personality as a whole with a personality of his own. He would lose himself completely.

In every way that counted, he really would die.

Virgil felt a sweeping sort of peace wash over him. If he’d still had eyes, he would have closed them in relief. This was better, then. He would have no memories because he wouldn’t exist, but…but that would also mean he’d have no pain. He wouldn’t have to live with himself–with the daily agony of knowing, knowing, that everything about him was bad and mean and wrong. He wouldn’t have to continue to exist as the hated villain of the person he was meant to protect. Instead, his core functions, the reflexes  that were there to protect, would continue to do their jobs, and…and Virgil would be…

Gone.

Good.

The others were right. It was better this way. 

He relaxed, accepting his fate, as the effects of the drug continued to chip away at him. How long had it been? Minutes? Weeks? He honestly had no idea. Time didn’t exist for him anymore. It flowed around him, like a river around a rock, wearing him down bit by bit, but he couldn’t experience it anymore. There wasn’t enough left of him to feel it passing. There wasn’t–

A breath, a sigh–one last sigh, the air escaping his lips and then they turned to dust, to motes of light, swirling through the air and vanishing like a bad dream, and the rest of him followed, followed, until–

Gone. 

He was gone. His body was gone.

Virgil would have gasped if he could have.

His body was gone, and he…he…

I

I am. I still…am. I…still am.

He had no eyes. But somehow he could…he could see. It wasn’t the same as seeing with eyes–it was nowhere as limited as all that. But his consciousness was stretched throughout the mindscape, settling into its corners, and he could…see it. All of it at once. He was everywhere

This…this wasn’t right. He was supposed to be gone. Dissolved. Reintegrated.

Why did he still exist? Why was he still here?

He was in the commons. 

It was silent, and empty. His note sat on the coffee table.

Had they found it? And they read it? 

He couldn’t say. By all appearances, It sat exactly where he’d left it, still folded, the words from Virgil scrawled on the back. Had they not seen? How long had it been? He felt like his deconstruction had taken ages, eons even. Time could be an illusion in the mind, but surely the’d had time to find it? 

And if they’d found it…then they would have read it. They were Virgil’s last words to them. No matter how little they liked him, surely they would have read his last letter, his goodbye. 

Wouldn’t they?

Before he could puzzle out the answer, there was a whoosh in the commons and the others appeared. Virgil could see them from every angle, from all around them. He was next to them and above them and beneath them. He was with them.

For a shining moment, hope filled Virgil’s mind. He wasn’t gone. Not completely. He had no body and he couldn’t act–he was effectively a ghost–but he wasn’t alone. He was here, and he was with them, and he could still be with them–still watch over them. He couldn’t help them, no, and he couldn’t interact with them at all, but…but he could at least be with them, witness their triumphs, mourn their losses. Love them.

Whatever it was of him that lingered–his mind, his heart, his soul, whatever–filled with a kind of joy at this revelation. 

But that joy would turn out to be short-lived.

“–wouldn’t have thought this would work so well, and so quickly!” Roman was saying. He was beaming, as they materialized still mid-conversation. As Virgil watched, the royal sauntered over to Virgil’s chair (not mine now, not mine, just a chair, just any old chair now) and sprawled out gracefully. 

“No,” Logan agreed, moving to settle onto the couch; Patton, looking a little more sedate, sat down beside him. “But I’m not going to complain. This is a more favorable outcome than even I had anticipated.”

“I guess so,” Patton sighed, his shoulders drooping sadly. 

“What’s the matter, Patton?” Roman said. “I should think you of all people would be beside yourself. Thomas has never been happier!”

Patton shrugged. “I guess I’m just still getting used to him being…gone.”

Virgil felt a wave of awe and gratitude, and immediately hated himself for it. He should not want them to miss him. That would only cause them pain. They should be happy he was gone.

But…but it was nice to be missed. If he’d still had a mouth, he would have smiled; as it was, he felt a renewed surge of affection toward Patton. 

“Oh.” Roman frowned. “I mean…it is an adjustment, I suppose, but…but change can be good, remember? Besides,” he added, “in this case, it was necessary. Anxiety was a nuisance. And he was always bringing you down, Patton.” 

Virgil’s spirit wilted a little. Roman’s words were true, yes, but that didn’t mean they didn’t sting a little. 

I never wanted to, he begged silently. I promise. I never wanted to hurt any of you.

“That wasn’t his fault,” Patton hedged, but when Logan looked at him with an arched eyebrow, Patton sighed and slumped. “Okay…I guess maybe it was. But I still feel bad for the kiddo.”

“I could see that. He was pretty pitiful.”

If Virgil could have jumped, he would have. As it was, his focus sharpened on Roman, a startled wave of hurt washing through him. Pitiful…? 

“Roman,” Logan said sternly, and for a moment Virgil believed Logan was going to defend him, but then the logical side said, “not in front of Patton, please. You’ll upset him.”

Oh.

Virgil had no body, so he could not slump or lower his head or wrap his arms around himself. But he was beginning to understand that not having a body did not make him immune to pain.

At least Patton was standing up for–

Patton sighed. “No,” he said, waving aside Logan’s protests, “Roman’s right. He was kind of…well, pitiful, at least in the sense that I certainly pitied him. That was my whole problem. I was too easy on him, and…and I let Thomas believe we should try to include him. It was my fault Thomas suffered for so long.” 

“Now, now,” Logan said softly, squeezing Patton’s shoulder. “We all make mistakes, Pat.” 

“Some more than others,” Roman added, and Logan shot him a glare. Roman’s eyes widened defensively. “What? I’m just saying–”

“No, he’s right,” Patton said again. “I should have seen sooner what was really happening. I just can’t help feel…guilty, I guess.” 

“Guilty?” Logan said gently. 

Patton nodded. He leaned forward and picked up the note from the coffee table, flipping it open. “If I have any conscious thought where I’m going, I’ll think on you guys fondly,” he read aloud. “I hope you might someday be able to do the same for me.” Patton sighed and handed the note to Logan, shrugging. “Poor kiddo really thought he was one of us right until the end. And that was my fault.”  

And there it was. Virgil felt shock waves traveling through his consciousness, painful as any physical sensation he’d ever experienced. He wanted to go. He wanted to flee, to leave, to be anywhere else but–but he was everywhere now, and there was no escaping this. No hiding from it.

Logan sighed and nodded, glancing down at the note. “I promise I’ll go quietly,” he read. “You do not have to worry about me fighting this. Hmm. For a fight-or-flight reflex, he sure didn’t have much of a sense of self-preservation, did he?”

Roman chuckled, and even Patton smiled a little, shrugging. “I guess not,” he said. “Still…it’s sort of disappointing, isn’t it?”

Disappointing…?

“Yes, it is,” Logan said, tossing the note back onto the coffee table. “But it’s over now. He’s gone, and Thomas is happier already, and things are only going to get better from now on.” He reached out and squeezed Patton’s shoulder, and Patton nodded to himself.

“You’re right. No more moping,” he agreed, hopping to his feet. He clapped his hands together. “Who wants cookies? I’m in the mood to bake, that always cheers me up.”

The other two laughed and agreed, and they all went into the kitchen, and Virgil was there, too–he couldn’t not be. He listened to them laughing and talking, carefree and happy. He saw Roman smearing a streak of flour over Patton’s nose, and watched as Patton retaliated by dusting powdered sugar in Roman’s hair. He watched as Logan read the ingredients to them from the same cookbook Virgil and Patton had used, before–before–

Before they got rid of me.

And as they worked, they did not mention him again. As they laughed and joked with one another and teased, they did not speak his name or recollect happy times together or even disparage him again. He was simply…forgotten. Like he’d never existed at all. 

And Virgil was finally beginning to understand that was the way it always should have been. The way everyone–everyone–had always wanted it to be. 

He didn’t have eyes anymore, so he couldn’t produce tears. But as he drifted silently in the mindscape, listening to them laugh and watching them celebrate his demise, he realized there was more than one way to cry. 

*

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