i met them 3 times in the past day

Sometimes I wonder if there’s a time period on moving on. Does it matter how much you loved a person? Or how much you love yourself?
You have to get worse before you get better, I learned that.
I learned that I was all I had to pick me up off the floor at 3 in the morning when mascara mixed tears splattered the floor. And I was all I had to fight through it.
One day I was okay. I had felt love again. I smiled for no reason and people pointed out my happiness. But that love crumbled, too.
And I was right back to the beginning with myself.
“Don’t mention it to them. They don’t care. Keep it to yourself”
That’s what I told myself. And I tried my hardest not to bother anyone with my worries.
This time last year he had just met her. Now she’s his world.
These past few days have really broken me down and I honestly can’t say why.
I haven’t slept. I’ve stayed up all night crying about a boy who I told I didn’t love anymore. A boy who is completely in love with the other girl.
Today is five months without him. Five months that he’s been with her.
Why am I still crying about him? I have no idea what’s hurting me so much.
And it’s not fair. It’s not fair that her first love and my first love was the same person, but he loved her more.
It’s not fair that he’s happy and in love while I’m still trying to put myself back together.

And it’s not fair that I am still completely in love with him.
He doesn’t feel the same.

—  {via cheerupsavvy}

Recently I went to a sisters gathering and I met a handful of sisters who have been divorced many many times. I talking about 3-5 divorces and having a few children. Some of these marriages, lasting a day. Wallah.
Alhamdulillah they’re all currently married happily & their husbands love them without bringing up their pasts….

My point, just because you have been married, once or twice, or more than that and have a few children from previous relationships, don’t feel like there is no hope and that no one will want you &&& your status has lowered.

Always trust Allah azza wa jal & remember that He is the best of planners, someone is written for you In'shA Allah, just a little Sabr 💚💚

Remember, just because you have been divorced it doesn’t mean your status has lowered 💚💚

So. I’ve met the end of what I can stand. 

I have been super sick for the past 3 days and all of them I had worked 10+ hours each day. I had to go home early tonight…and I most likely will have to call off tomorrow. I feel so bad…I was doing so well but I’ve simply had no time to rest.

I was tagged by @admirable-mairon , thank you dearest <3

Rules: Tag 10 (or not 10) followers you want to get to know better.

● Birthday: February 12th
● Gender: female
● Relationship status: single
● Favourite color: Purple
● Pets: None at the moment :(
● Wake up time: Any time from 6:30 to 11:00 depending on if I have school that day
● Love or lust?: Love
● Favourite food: Hmm… I think I’ll go with sautéed reindeer
● Met a celebrity?: Not really, just walked past them XP
● Last song listened to: Caleb Hyles’ cover of Shiny
● First kiss: In high school
● Tall or short: Short (161,5 cm)

Tagging: @thesonofgirion @driftinglightofthewoods @briidunviing @krakenguard @oceansode @lacrimosa-magnolia & anyone else who wants to do this


Pokemon Go update. I continue to chase people off my lawn outa my gym, and today I met some lovely fellow Valors who have joined me <3 <3 <3

And to people still wondering about the Eevee evolutions thing: I have now evolved Eevees that know Dig, Body Slam, AND Swift ALL into Flareons. They’ve been of different sizes, and I evolved them in different areas. I know it’s possible to evolve Vaporeons in my area because they’re at gyms all the time. I’m starting to think it really is random..

Ashton Irwin AU Part 5 (Smut)

Summary: Ashton is not famous and moves to Ireland.

Warning: This has quite a bit of smut

Here are Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 & Part 4


I had met Ashton for lunch that day and many times in the past 4 months, and it was mostly with our siblings because we never called them dates.  But today our mums had taken our siblings to some fair and Ashton and I gladly declined because we thought it would be fun if, for once, we could hang out alone.

“Who’d have thought we’d have our first proper date 4 months after we started dating, huh?” I said, as we walked to the couch and I sat down with my shoulder resting on the back of the couch. Ashton giggled and sat down facing me, his feet folded and rested one hand on my knee. He leaned forward and kissed my nose, then asked, “So. What do you want to do today?” “You” I blurted out, then quickly used my palms to hide my face. “Oh my god I’m so sorry..” I mumbled, still not moving my hands and absolutely not wanting to either. What was I thinking? I’ve never had sex. Who knows if he’s one of those people who wants to save themselves for marriage? Or what if he’s a sex crazy maniac with some nasty kinks that I could never be okay with?

“Damn it”, I murmured again when I heard nothing from Ashton “Ashton, I’m going to leave okay?” I said, quickly standing up and turning away to walk to the door. “Hey hey hey. Stop. You can’t do that!” Ashton said quickly. “You can’t just say things like that and walk away” he continued, and I heard him making his way to me.

I felt his hands rest on my shoulders and he turned me around. “I’m so sorry. That was so inappropriate like seriously-” “That was actually kind of hot” Ashton cut me short, making me look up at him. “Really?” I asked, looking at the cheeky twinkle in Ashton’s eyes. “Really. I mean I know it’s only our first date but if you’re okay it…” He trailed off, his hands sliding down my arms.

“But I’ve never done it before” I said, groaning. “Hey that’s fine! I mean I’ve never either..” he replied. “Shut up. No way. ARE YOU MOCKING ME?” I yelled, giggling. “NO IM NOT, I SWEAR! NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH THE DRUMMER! ESPECIALLY IF HE HAS BAD HAIR!” Ashton yelled, laughing. “You don’t have bad hair” I said, taking a few steps closer to him and running my hands through it. Ashton chuckled, “Still want me to be on your to do list for the day?” I nodded, “It’ll be fun” “And awkward” “But fun!” I retorted, resting my hands on his chest.

“Well then. Upstairs we go!” Ashton said, raising his eyebrows and pulling me up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind us. I stood in front of him, hands on my waist. “What now?” I asked. “I think we just make out first” Ashton suggested, shrugging and walking over to me. I stood up on my toes, giggling and placed a small kiss on his lips. “Hands..” I murmured, urging him to hold me, wondering where confident, first kiss Ashton had suddenly disappeared to.

I felt them creep up my sides and rest on my back. I nodded and smiled, feeling his grip on me tighten and I wrapped my hands around his neck, touching my forehead to his. I placed my lips close to his, watching his eyes move alternately from my eyes to my lips. “Hey Ash. We’ve done this before okay?” I whispered, and his confused eyes fluttered shut before he pressed his lips against mine. I let one of my hands slide from his neck up to his stubble, tracing the pattern of his jaw line with my fingers.

I felt his dimples grow as he sucked on my lips, nodding and pulling me closer to him. I smiled when I felt the familiar feeling of being held against Ashton as he pulled softly on my lower lip, as I tugged on his upper lip, before I switched to his lower lip and he to my top lip. “Your smile tastes nice..” Ashton whispered into my lips, laughing softly as he said so. “That was such a dorky thing to say” “No it was kind of cute!” I replied, pecking his lips again.

But this little peck turned hot very quickly when Ashton refused to let go of my lips, making me part mine to allow his tongue to tangle with mine. I heard a low moan escaping his mouth and took a chance my letting my hands slip to the hem of his t-shirt. “Wait we’ve never..” Ashton said, pulling away, breathless. “I know.. Should we?” I asked, suddenly remembering all the little things I hated about myself. “We’re almost there. What’ve we got to lose?” Ashton said, trying to joke a little. Fuck, I thought, as I felt Ashton’s hands move to the hem of my t-shirt.

I nodded, and quickly pulled Ashton’s Strokes t-shirt off him and before I could realise what was happening, he pulled mine off me. Immediately I wanted to curl up into a ball because I could feel his eyes burning into my body. But to be fair, I was doing the same. I looked at his perfectly sculpted chest and down to his abs, realising what I’d been missing. “Oh god..” he mumbled and I looked up at his eyes and quickly followed them back down to his pants. “Ashton!” I squealed, noticing his boner pressing against his jeans. “I can’t help it that you look at good okay?” He half-squealed back at me, giggling.

I moved close to him again and undid the button of his pants, feeling my hands shaking just a little bit. I look up at him and he nods, encouraging me to pull his pants down. He placed his hands on my sides, dragging his cold finger tips along the top of my pants and then undid them. We both stepped out of our pants, and laughed when we stepped in opposite directions and didn’t start having sex in 3 seconds. “I told you it would be awkward!” Ashton giggled, walking to me and resting his hands on the small of my back. “We can’t be sex gods when we’ve never even done anything before!” I justified, laughing and kissing Ashton, feeling oddly comfortable when I felt my skin against his.

He slowly moved his lips down from my lips to my jaw, and to my shoulders, placing very gentle kisses. I leaned my head back and tangled my fingers into his hair, feeling his hot breath on my neck as he softly sucked on it. While he was doing so his hands guided me to his bed, sitting me down on the edge and he sank to his knees in front of me, pulling his lips off me but resting his forehead on my neck and I rested my chin on his head. I could feel his breathing on my breasts and I couldn’t help but to pull his face up to meet mine and push my lips against his, sucking softly on it.

I slid off the bed and into Ashton’s lap, kissing up his jawline and nibbled on his ear, feeling him hold me tighter. I mimicked his actions and pulled my lips down to his neck, alternating between kissing it and sucking softly. I let my hands trail down his chest and trace his abs while I peppered kisses all over his collar bones and his shoulders until he pulled me away from him. “What happened? What did I do?” I asked, suddenly wondering if maybe I’d hurt his skin or something. He laughed softly, “Nothing. Everything was just right. Come on” he said, making me stand up, and then laid me down in bed.

“Can I get this off?” he asked, in between placing small kisses on my shoulder, stopping just next to my bra strap. I nodded quickly, as his hands slipped under me and I laughed a little as he struggled to finally get it off. He immediately started to kiss down my neck in a straight line between the valley of my breasts and down my stomach, his hands massaging my sides. I moaned softly and I felt a wetness between my legs for him as he stopped right on top of my panties. He looked up at me through his curls and I murmured a soft “Please…” and raised my hips as he pulled my panties down my legs and threw them aside. “Oh my god you’re beautiful..” Ashton whispered and I pulled my hands over my face feeling it getting hotter.

I felt his hands pull mine away from my face and he kissed my nose. “Ash.. I feel naked” I murmured and Ashton giggled, “Well, you are” and kissed my forehead. “Your turn” he said, and made me place my hands on his boxers. I carefully pulled them down and watched Ashton’s face getting a little red, too. I smiled and pulled him down to kiss him and I felt one of his hands just rest on my lower abdomen, making me want him more.

I pulled myself up and sat on Ashton’s outstretched legs, neither of us willing to break the kiss but our hands roamed each other like never before. I used my fingers to trace patterns on his sides and his back, as he tried to stifle his moans and his hands moved from my back to my boobs, softly massaging them and making me moan his name against his lips.

Ashton gasped when I quickly let my hands drop down to the base of his hard on, making me smile a little. I felt his body tense up when I cautiously stroked it a few times, watching his face to see if I was doing it right. Mentally I thanked the internet when I squeezed up and down a few times, watching his eyes flutter shut as he leaned his head back, allowing me to start kissing his neck again.

I felt his hands move down from my breasts and along the outside of my thighs before making their way to my inner thighs. He held my legs and looked down at me, touching his forehead to mine. “Can I..?” he asked and I nodded, pecking Ashton’s lips as he slowly ran his finger up and down by slit, his eyes looking down at what he was doing. “You’re so wet..” he said, making me smile at how innocent that sounded. “For you.” I replied, making him look up at me. “For me?” he asked and I nodded, letting go of his length and grabbing his face, kissing him.

“Keep going” I mumbled, smiling and kissed Ashton’s nose, as he ran a finger along my opening before slowly just moving a bit of his finger inside me, making me gasp. “Are you okay?” he asked and I nodded, kissing him as I let my hands start squeezing up and down him again. He used his fingers to softly massage my clit, his eyes lighting up when I couldn’t stop my low moans. I watched his eyes close involuntarily as he massaged me and I leaned into him, kissing and sucking on his neck, feeling the heat from his skin under my lips.

“Ash..” I whispered a few minutes later, just as we were both starting to get comfortable. “Mm?” he answered, slipping out of the daze we were both in. “I need you..” I said lowly. “You already have me..” “No. Like I NEED you” I hinted, looking at his fingers, laughing a little when his eyes widened. “Are you sure..?” he asked, sounding nervous again. “I am.. Are you?" 

"What if I’m really bad though?” he asked quickly. “I don’t care. I’ll just be glad it’s you I’m having bad sex with and not anyone else” I replied, trying to make him feel better. “Okay..” he said under his breath and moved out from under me. “Where are you going?” I asked, already feeling lost without his body touching mine. He held up one finger and reached into his bedside drawer. “Pretty sure you don’t want kids yet” he said and put a condom on, making me laugh.

“Come on” he said and gently nudged my shoulder so I would lie down on the bed and he sat down between my legs, kissing up one of them until he got to my core. He placed his lips on me for a few seconds, making me even more desperate. “ASHTON!” I squealed, softly hitting his head and laughing, “DONT DO THIS TO ME!” “I’m so sorry” Ashton said pretty unapologetically, hovering above me now, his face inches from mine.

He held himself up by placing his arms on either side of me and I held on to his strong shoulder blades. “Okay?” he asked, and I nodded, feeling more excited than nervous now. I held my breath as Ashton slowly moved into me, biting his lip and looking into my eyes. I smiled up at him and felt his shoulder blades moving as he gently pulled out of me and thrust in again.

I saw Ashton calming down after a few more thrusts and we had found a bit of a rhythm now, as I grinded my hips against his. Ashton’s thrusts were slow because we both knew neither of us were used to anything like this. I felt him sinking into his hips, his lower half almost entirely resting on mine now. I needed him to keep going on but Ashton nuzzled his head into my neck and whispered, “You’ve got me too fucking close..” before he reached his peak, his deep moans muffled into my neck.

I smiled and held the back of his neck, fiddling with his hair, “But I’m not done yet” I said, kissing whatever part of him I found closest to my lips. “So what do we do..?” he asked, holding himself up again. “You’ve got pretty long fingers” I suggested, smiling at him.

I watched his lips curl into a smile as he scrambled down me, pulled his condom off and knelt down between my legs, quickly pressing his lips to the top of my opening. “Go go go!” I urged, laughing a little and Ashton uncertainly slid his tongue inside, looking up at me. I nodded and encouraged him to keep going, which seemed to help because Ashton moved his tongue a little deeper inside me and his lips rested on me.

“Ash.. Fingers..” I moaned and he nodded, slowly sliding one finger inside me, thrusting it in and out. “Keep going, babe” I urged and felt Ashton’s confidence growing as he added a second finger into me while his tongue and lips continued to alternately lick and suck on my clit. I felt a burning in my thighs and tightened them around Ashton’s fingers, making him slightly pick up the pace of his thrusts.

It only took a few more seconds before I felt a pull in my lower abdomen which extended into my legs, as I reached my peak, failing at keep my screams in. I closed my eyes and felt Ashton pull his fingers out of me. I opened them just enough to see him licking them while smiling at me, before closing them again.

“Come on. I wasn’t that bad. At least look at me!” Ashton giggled and I finally opened my eyes fully, watching him quickly lick me up again. I rested my arm on my forehead, feeling like my insides were on fire in an almost pleasant way. “That was pretty damn good actually” I said as Ashton lay down next to me on his side.

I turned around to face him and touched my hand to his face, stroking small circles on his cheek, as his hand rested on my waist. “Can I tell you something? You have to promise not to run or laugh or hit me okay?” Ashton said a few minutes later. “I promise” I replied, softly kissing him. I watched as Ashton chewed on his lip, inhaling. “I’ve fallen in love with you.” he said, looking straight into my eyes. “What..?” I asked, confused, then quickly continued, “Wait no. No no no. I meant to say I think I’m falling in love with you, too. Yep, I’ve fallen in love with you too.”

“Really?” Ashton asked, his face changing from shock to confusion to happiness in 3 seconds, before he quickly kissed me, but we were cut short by both our phones ringing. ‘What?’ Ashton mouthed and we both scrambled around looking for them. It was my mum. “Hey, sweetie! I just called to say that we’re coming home a little early because it’s just about started drizzling okay? Is everything okay at home?” She asked. “Oh yeah I’ve just been studying. Everything’s okay. See you soon!” I answered, looking at Ashton who seemed to have had a similar conversation.

“Time to go” I said, frowning. I reached around and fished for my clothes as Ashton did the same, getting my panties, bra and pants on. “Where’s my t-shirt..?” I mumbled, pushing the covers aside. “Here. Take this” Ashton said, throwing me his Strokes t-shirt. I laughed and put it on. “You should keep it. It looks good on you” Ashton smirked, walking up to me.

I tried to make my way to the door but I think it was a little obvious that I might take longer to get down the stairs than it would for our mums to get back. “A little help, Ash” I said, laughing. “I’m sorry!” Ashton said, giggling and made me squeal when he lifted me up bridal style. “Finally I know what I’ve been working out for!” Ashton said excitedly as he carried me down the stairs, both of us unable to stop laughing.

“Thank you” I said, kissing him as we reached the door. “No way. I’m taking you home!” Ashton said, carrying me to my front door and finally setting me down. “That was fun. We should do that again. And again. And again.” Ashton said, kissing me. “Told you it would be fun!” I replied, fishing in my pockets for my keys. “I’ll see you later, Ash” I smiled, pecking his lips again. “Can I tell you I love you again?” he asked. I nodded. “I love you” he said, kissing my forehead. “I love you too, Ashton..” I replied, smiling as he pulled me into a hug.

I let go and walked inside, lying on the couch for about 20 minutes before my mum showed up. After the initial “aahh how was the fair? Did you have fun??” my mum suddenly asked, “Wait. I didn’t know you had a t-shirt like this? When did we buy it?” I felt my cheeks going red, as I tried to hide my smile and mumbled, “Oh yeah I was um cleaning and I found it at the back of my closet. I might be wearing a lot more of these unfamiliar stuff because there’s so many of them..” and she looked like she bought it.

After dinner that night, my mum called me aside. “Sweetie. Your sister and I had a great day today. But you have to bed now because tomorrow is a big day okay? I need to talk to you both about something important.” she said, smiling but sounding a little nervous as she kissed me went into her room, leaving me feeling with an odd feeling not even thinking about my afternoon with Ashton could make me shake off.


I’m so sorry about the cliff hanger but this part got a lot longer than I thought it would so I had to break it into 2 parts! :(

Material List

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Short Stack: 30/3/12 - II Years
Stack is no longer the new black. The past eight years have been a blast, from Budgewoi to Buckingham we’ve met so many amazing people on so many amazing adventures. I will cherish these days ‘til I’m wrinkly and old but it’s time to close this chapter and start a new one.”
- Andy Clemmensen