i met myself in a dream

it was a normal day at school and when me and my friend went out for lunch squirrels started following us. for the rest of the day squirrels followed me everywhere and i was convinced i was squirrel girl. i asked my friend to meet me in the park and when we met i told her that i was squirrel girl and all she did was silently hand me a rope. i watched myself hang myself from a tree, and watched through my friend’s eyes as the squirrels ate me.

Dating Steve Rogers Would Include:

Originally posted by jenjang

  • Showing him all your favourite books and movies
  • “So then there is this game called Quidditch they play throughout the series…”
  • “Is that the one where they take the kids and get them to kill each other?”
  • “No, that’s the Hunger Games, we will get to that next week. This is much less deadly, well in most cases”
  • Him finding every excuse to hold your hand
  • Things moving quickly between the two of you; he doesn’t a repeat of the past
  • Listening to him talk about life before the ice
  • Getting a little flat together in Brooklyn
  • “You’re like a big puppy you know. I mean if puppies could seriously maim others”
  • Hugs, his hugs are the best
  • “You know if I stand on my tippy toes I’m almost your height”
  • “Keep dreaming shorty”
  • Joking and teasing each other
  • Steve worrying about others using you against him
  • “If you were ever harmed because of me Y/N, I could never forgive myself”
  • Defending him in arguments
  • Falling helplessly in love with him
  • “I’m so glad I met you”
  • Comforting each other when either of you gets a nightmare
  • Holding each other close in the night
  • Steve always being the warm one, so you steal both his heat and all of the covers. He never seems to mind or mention it.
  • Him being completely oblivious to some things
  • “I think you actually the embodiment of perfection. I’m not even saying that because I love you, but because it’s just the truth”
  • You getting jealous easily
  • “Have you not noticed the endless parade of girls starring at you all day. Especially your butt. I’ve made a collective decision that you must stop working out at once”
  • “Hmm, I’ve only got eyes for you darling”

I had a dream last night that I was travelling through space-time with a computer keyboard and I changed locations with the esc key. I ended up in a zombie apocalypse telling people without keyboards to hit the esc key to get out. They called me heartless as I escaped by myself but met up with me in another universe to plan how to use this power.

Not long after I arrived in the United States, I met an American woman at a friend’s home. She told me with apparent pride that her daughter was a cheerleader. I did not know what kind of leader that was. Hearing her explanation, I could not bring myself to present a compliment, as she obviously expected. I only wished that my eyes did not betray my disdain as I said to my- self, “I guess this American woman has never dreamed of her daughter being a leader cheered by men.” I felt fortunate that I had been “brainwashed” to want to be a revolutionary instead of a cheerleader… .

Was “brainwashing” girls to desire to be “young vanguards” in socialist construction more oppressive and limiting than ’“brainwashing” girls to desire to be cheerleaders for football games? No.

—  Wang Zheng; “Some of Us: Chinese Women Growing Up in the Mao Era”
I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer.
At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them.
Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times.
I was a singer - not a very popular one,
I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I’d been living, they asked me why - but there’s no use in talking to people who have home.
They have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head.
I was always an unusual girl.
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean…
And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying…
Because I was born to be the other woman.
Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.
Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.
—  Lana Del Ray “Ride” Intro
Briste | Chapter 12

Briste | Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11

My father once said that the moment I met the person I was meant to be with, I’d ken it in a heartbeat.

He was right.

My heart and mind recognized her before I was even fully aware of it myself. The first month after the explosion I had dreams of an angel. She had the sweet voice of a Sassenach and the kindest touch. Whenever the pain began to overwhelm me, her voice and touch cut through the agony, replacing it with it peace.

She had spoken to me for countless hours, it seemed, in my haze. She read stories, the news, or just spoke her mind and the wish for me to open my eyes.

“Findings! You make him sounds like some sort of experiment!” A shrill voice had filtered in. That hadn’t been my angel, but I recognized it. Jenny. I furrowed my brow, light and pain began to seep into my consciousness and the dreams became more fuzzy by the second as the beeping of machines and the voice of my angel spoke.

“Can you tell me his name?”

I was even more confused by her statement. She knew my name, didn’t she? My angel had to know. I wanted to scream out to her, but nothing came. I needed to see; I needed to get my angel’s attention and let her know. She needed to know me.

I had opened my eyes and seen the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. The hazy vision of my angel solidified and I finally had features clearly drawn: riotous curly hair, milky skin, and eyes the color of the finest Scotch.

“Mo chridhe,” I had whispered, my voice scratchy and hoarse. Neither my sister or my angel had heard me.

When they did notice me, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. My angel— Jenny had called her Dr. Beauchamp—gently touched my arm and my skin burned from her touch.

And just as soon as I had a chance to drink her in, she was gone, leaving me alone with my sister. She sobbed and hugged me. Between her sobs, Jenny fretted over me, not leaving me for a moment. It was smothering. I had never seen her this way before. Maybe it was the thought of losing me so shortly after Da and Willie or her ever growing pregnancy messing with her mind, but I didn’t care. It was nice to be surrounded by love and warmth instead of the cold hard fear that had been my constant state for the last four years.

“Who was she?” I croaked when Jenny had finally calmed down.

“Who was who, mo brathair?” She gave me a quizzical look, and rubbed her belly. “Surely ye’ve not already forgotten Doctor Beauchamp, who has been verra dedicated and skilled despite her age?”

I shook my head, feeling myself go dizzy with the movement. “No, not her. I ken fine who the angel is, but the demon. I dinna ken who she is. Can ye tell me, sister? Who was the demon who tortured me when the angel wasna near?”

My voice verged on hysterical, if it wasn’t already there. From the alarmed look on Jenny’s face, I had scared her. She opened her mouth to speak before we heard a loud slam of a door and screaming. I felt what little color was sure to be in my face, drain instantly. The demon was screeching, and at my angel.

“I’ve known James Fraser my whole life and I’d know the look of him anywhere.” The words from the demon floated through the sturdy wood of the door and down my spine like ice. How could she have known me her whole life?

“Jenny?” I began to shake with some foreign emotion that I couldn’t put a name to. We then heard a loud *crack* and the stomping of feet. Five minutes later, my angel and another doctor walked into the room, a smile on his face.

“Welcome back Mr. Fraser! Doctor Beauchamp has told me we finally have an identity for you, and perfect timing with your sudden consciousness. So can you tell me how you’re feeling? Please do not leave anything out. We want to get you back to your best state of being as quickly as we can.”

The conversation flowed and I can’t recall a moment of it. I was too busy stealing glances at the red flushed face of my angel who kept quiet in the corner of my room, and never once approached my bed.

That behavior became her normal towards me unless she had to inspect something under a bandage. The same, kind doctor accompanied her–I really need to remember his name–each round, but she never spoke to me. Her smile did not reach the corner of her lips let alone her eyes, and gradually she began walking with a limp.

My angel avoided my room now. I could feel the depression setting in; I was being abandoned by the angel. The angel whose voice still called to me at night and in my daydreaming states. The voice that gave me hope, now gone.

I grabbed my cane and shoved the IV contraption out the door, then hobbled my way down the corridor in an aimless fashion. My mind so preoccupied by what I might have done to keep her away, and what I could do to get her back, that I nearly missed an argument and a plea. The kind doctor and one I’d never met before strode from a room, the door bouncing off the hinge and slowly swung back open.

“I still say you should tell us who the bastard is that did this to you. I’m not fully convinced this was all done from being clumsy!” the nurse who reminded me of an aunt said exasperatedly, while wrapping a patient’s knee. I saw the healed scrapes and gouges, the purple, blue and green mottled bruising that went from shin and above.

My mouth fell open as I took in all of the injuries this woman had endured. My blood pressure rose as I saw more bruising up her arms and shoulders. What kind of person would harm another like this? Was it her boyfriend? Husband? Girlfriend? Or someone she had an unfortunate encounter with? Situation after situation crossed my mind, and then my blood simultaneously boiled and drained from my body. Sitting on the bench was not just a patient, but my angel. My angel bruised and hurt. Is this why she started avoiding me? Did someone tell her to stop?

I took a step towards her room and she averted her eyes, a blush creeping up her neck.

“All done Claire.” The nurse patted Claire’s leg and handed her her clothes. “Now I don’t want to see you—oh! Hello my dear, have you gotten lost? Do you need assistance getting back to your room?” She addressed me. I shook my head, my eyes not leaving Claire.

“Claire, my angel, who hurt you? What has happened? Please tell me.” I hobbled my way close enough to her to hold my hand out to hover over hers. I saw a tear slide down her cheek and my composure was lost.

“Angel! A Dhia! Please mo nighean donn, tell me who did this. I’ll protect you. I swear it. I’ll protect you.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry Mr. Fraser, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Shock flooded through me. Couldn’t understand me? Had I lost the ability to speak?

“Could you try English? I caught a little of what you said. I believe that was Gaelic? You said ‘Oh God!’ why? What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Is it your hand?”

She jumped off the table, still in naught but her undergarments, and pulled my lightly bandaged hand to her, inspecting it thoroughly. I looked to the nurse who gave me a knowing smile and a wink.

“Claire, the lad is fine. He asked who hurt you.”

My angel shook her head harder. “I told you before Glenna, no one hurt me! I did this to myself running. It wasn’t intentional I swear.” She looked to me then back to Nurse Glenna. “I’m just, clumsy when running these hills and trails. I’ll be fine. Thank you for patching me up.”

“Weel I’d feel better if you took the chief up on his offer to see a psychologist and work through why you feel the need to injure yourself if no one did it to ye.” She headed to the door and before pulling it shut, said to me, “Ye’ll need leave now, Mr. Fraser. Doctor Beauchamp can walk ye back to your room and ye can interrogate her then. Maybe she’ll be more keen to talk to you.”

With a wink she was gone.

Claire had already pulled her scrubs back on and was reaching for her coat when I grabbed her hand, stopping her. She looked me in the eye, and I brushed a curl away from her face. The tension was palpable. And my only thought was, ‘Would she let me?’

I write of a love I’ve never felt,
Of a lover I’ve never met,
I write in a language of dreams,
Of golden stars and silver streams.
I speak in cursive words
And think in bright colours.
But then there are the days
Where my heart aches to feel that love,
It cries out for the magic,
For the frantic beating
And feather-light touches.
On those days I speak in black,
Black tinted red
With the blood I can’t bleed.
On those days,
Even the brightest sun can’t shine through,
And I find myself dreaming of a love so true
That the black day’s fade away
And I’m left hopelessly in love

“ I was in the winter of my life. And the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell sleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. (…)  I was a singer, not a very popular one. I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet. But upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like million stars in the night sky. That I wished on over and over again sparkling and broken. But I really didn’t mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is. ”

dear mina.

dear myoui mina, 10 days to go for your birthday, right?

please, i know you’re surely never gonna read this but anyways, i want to express myself through this. 

a little girl named myoui mina were born in san antonio, texas.  

1997, march, 24. your zodiac sign is aries. independent, generous, optimistic, enthusiastic and courageous. it all fits perfectly.

moved to japan, you learned ballet for 11 years. such a talented girl. 

then you met k-pop and inocently fall for the korean wave, dancing snsd songs, being always positive and dreaming about dancing and singing on stage, just like your idols.

then wow! jyp got ya!

sixteen, you slayed. 

twice. 2015. debut.

“she’s so boring.”

“she has such a dark aura”

“why she doesnt smile?”

yes, my love, I know you’ve seen all these comments.

i know that you have felt insecure and incapable many times in you career.

isac, 2016.

you trained the possible, to make everything perfect, because you love all the ONCES and always want to give the best, no matter what happens.

mistakes, nervousness, tension, insecurity.

i know you felt all this, when that bow fell from your careful and delicate hands.

“she literally just made mistakes!”

“shes not that good tho”

“shes bad at it.”

you cried a lot. the members hugged you, giving you all the support you needed, because that was really stressful, and we know you cry when you’re stressed.

“minari! minari!” your fans screamed, you smiled at everyone, showing your courage. totally worthy from someone of the sign of aries.

you cried again. 

some bad people even mocked you on backstage.

but you remained strong and hopeful, that next time, it would be better, it would be perfect. 

isac, 2017.

bruises and more bruises. you worked really hard, myoui.

you did a magnificent performance, showing all your talent and sweetness with the gym ball. 

it was perfect. 

you left with a smile on your face, proud of your work. of all the nights you spent awake, nervous, crying. of all the bruises and the nights you borrowed jihyo plaster, when you were bleeding.

you were the #1.

but the comments?

“she didnt deserve it!”

“she only wins because shes from twice.”

“_______ was better!”

but, you were happy. you were pleased with yourself.

the hat controversy.

the same hate comments.

i’m sure you dont want to remember this.

a dating controversy. 

even if the photo was real or not, we would continue to support you and love you, as always. our shy girl, our myoui mina. that will certainly never change, your smile is the reason for our happiness, your talents enchant us every day.

we do not want you to be sad about these comments. our love for you will never change, no matter what. this will be over, soon.

so myoui, do not lose your courage, do not lose your way. you’re perfect the way you are and nothing in this world will make we change our mind about you. 

our dark-sexy black swan, we love you.

we are grateful every day simply because you exist. by the fact that you love heinz ketchup, have moles on your face, the fact that you love penguins and look like one. by your sweet voice, by your lovely dance. for your impressive ballet skills. we are grateful that you gave up your 11 years of ballet, to go to Korea, follow your dreams and make us the happiest people in the world.

thank you for being a member of TWICE.

thank you for helping and encouraging the girls in difficult times. i know you’re shy, but you have no idea how a wink of yours can make us happy.

we really love every part of you and we will defend you forever!

nothing and no one is going to change that, i’m serious.

we just want to see that beautiful smile you have again.

we love you, sincerely, maria, ONCE, 14, from brazil, representing all mina stans and ONCE’s from the world.

we really love you, minari.

色々ありがとうございました .

thank you for everything.♡

The one

A long distance relationship is never something I could see myself doing but I suppose I never thought about it. I always see the quote saying “there is 7 billion people on this planet, do you really think they live down your street?” and I think this is so dam accurate. I met the girl of my dreams over the wonderful world of tumblr in the most unlikely circumstances, in the most unlikely way, so unexpectedly. And I cant help but think this is ‘meant to be’.

I cant begin to explain how this girl has changed my life. Before I knew her I had no drive in life, I was just going with it, just doing as everyone else did. I had no plan on meeting anyone and I wasnt exactly looking for anyone. Most importantly I wasn’t myself, I was still coming to terms with myself and hadn’t come out too many people. I wasnt comfortable wearing what I wanted to as I was afraid of being judged or caring what people thought of me, I had a second hidden personality that only I knew about. But then this beautiful girl comes into my life and within weeks I am comfortable as me, want to talk about her ALL the time, the only girl ALWAYS on my mind, the more we spoke the less I cared about what anyone else thought because I was BEING ME.

Ive never been so proud to be gay and never been so proud to call someone mine.

I’ve never felt something so strong and never been so happy with anyone. A feeling I cant compare and something worth fighting for if times ever get tough.

I would do anything for this beautiful girl and I’ll do anything to spend my whole life with her. Im determined to never let distance win and love to always be on top.

Long distance is hard, extremely extremely hard BUT there is nothing more rewarding than having someone to love and someone love you, knowing that you always have someone there for you no matter what. Having someone motivate you to be the best version of YOU and love you for YOU. someone to be your best friend, your rock and your soul mate.

Baby you have my all, my 100%, you have my heart. I will love you with my entire heart, keep you safe and treat you like a princess. The days are couting down until I can see you again, every minute closer, stay strong for me and I will never give up on you. You are THE ONE

I love you🌍💞



Sometimes I have dreams that we make up and make out
And others where I break all the unwashed wine glasses in your sink
I picture myself retracing my steps,
Ending up at your back door,
Knee deep in freshly fallen snow
Just like the first night

I try to imagine a world
where you open the door for me
Where the scent and sounds of your house swallow me whole again,
Where time never passed and someone better never came along.

Sometimes I have dreams,
That it never started and I never met you
That somewhere,
there is a version of myself who never ached for someone who didn’t deserve it
Who is better off in a life you never became a part of

I guess you were right when you said
that there’s no use pretending
This love was dying from the start
Even now, it’s still decaying
I buried it in the backyard,
but your ghost still haunts me
It just won’t let me forget you are still so plausible, so tangible, and so terribly real.


I saw this really great idea on @mygayisshowing’s blog about being positive about things that have happened to you this year, so here goes. My list of great things in 2016 is as follows:

1. I met the girl of my dreams. Truly, she’s everything I ever wanted in a girlfriend yet so very much more. I see myself being with her for a long long time.
2. I graduated from university with first class honours in pharmaceutical and chemical science.
3. I won an award for my dissertation.
4. I’m getting a paper published from my dissertation research.
5. I travelled south east Asia with two of my best friends.
6. I got three tattoos and I love them all.
7. I had the most remarkable birthday, on a remote island watching sea creatures and the sunset before drinking and singing around a guitar.
8. I’ve been on a total of 10 flights this year.
9. I got my first job, remarkably quickly and I’m thriving in the role.
10. I managed to be in the top 6 of 56 applicants who got to interview for a more senior role.
11. I conquered my fear of driving long distances. Well, fear of driving all together.
12. I moved into my flat with my best friend.

This year has been awesome, thank you 2016

Bathtub scene: King's Cage

 I apologize in advance for the angst at the beginning. I’m hoping the actual scene will be a hurt/comfort type thing, so here’s my version of it. I hope you like it, and I love feedback on my writing! Note: this takes place near the end of the book, after Mare’s (*fingers crossed*) escape

Warnings: Angst (sorry), weird dream sequence, stay for the ending and I promise you fluff. ;)


I push myself up from the cold marble floor. My head, my entire body feels made of lead, of stone. I drift in and out of consciousness, falling to the floor the first few times I try to get up. I’m finally able to sit on my knees, when a pair of fingers find their way under my chin, tilting my head upwards. I’m met with a pair of eyes that are a song of ice and fire. “Hello, Mare darling.” He purrs. With his voice, my sense of pain is heightened, and I’m aware of every bruise, scar, and scrape on my body, all of which are throbbing, pushing me farther into a void of familiar nothingness. Nothing but cold darkness ripples around Maven. I growl at him. “Now, Mare, that’s no way for a lady to act.” I narrow my eyes. I aim and spit at him, landing directly on his cheek. He glares at me, seething. “Put her under.” He says, though I don’t know who he’d be talking to, as we’re the only ones I can see in the pale expanses of wherever we are.

Tic, toc, tic, toc.

The clicking starts slow, sounding like a clock. Jagged scars start to creep up my body, setting fire under my skin. The sounder.

Tic, toc, tic, toc.

The marble floor vanishes, and all I can see, hear, think is the void of pain that cuts into me, not just my body, but my entire being. Everything I was, am, and will be is filled with nothing but endless suffering.

Tic, toc, tic, toc.

I scream, and he yanks on the gilded chain of the bone collar around my neck. It digs in, drawing blood. I reach to cover my wounds, but when I draw my hands back, they’re stained silver.

Tic, toc, tic, toc.

Elara’s sickly sweet voice echoes in my head.

Tic, toc, tic, toc.

“Red in the head, Silver in the heart.”


“Mare!"  His voice seems so far away. I try to tug on it, to let it pull me out of the cold I’ve let surround my heart. "MARE!” I can hear the urgency in his voice. I sit up in bed, and he lets out a sigh of relief. “Cal.” I breathe. I can see the worry wash from his face. He reaches to pull me closer to him, and I shrink away from his touch. He recoils too. “What’s wrong?” He asks, eyes rimmed with fake calm and real panic. I stare at him, eyes wide. The room feels like it’s closing in on me, like the oxygen has been drained from here, and I can hear my frantic heartbeat in my ears. I can feel the last pieces of my sanity slipping through my fingertips. “Mare?” He asks, but his voice is nothing but a whisper as I fall back into that white void of cold, bright nothing. I grip the sheets, scrambling for a shard of consciousness. I find enough of it to get out of the bed. “Mare, are you okay?” His voice is shaking. “Fine.” I say. I almost don’t register the lie. It’s what I always say when someone asks that. Cal’s one of the few people who know I’m lying when I say that. Before he can object, I say I’m going to get a shower. My gaze is distant, wandering back to my blood-covered hands from my dream. A dream, that’s what it is, that’s what it will always be. It wasn’t real, it won’t be real. Yet somehow I’m still not convinced. I walk over to the shower and pull the curtain back. I don’t know what my logic is in this, but I decide to sit down in the bathtub and put the curtain back in place. Somehow, it’s comforting, how quiet it is. I draw my knees up to my chest. I don’t have to worry if everyone else is  okay here. Here, I can worry about my mental state. I can cry my eyes out without having to answer a bunch of questions about if I’m okay. The answer is no, it always has been. I’ve ignored that for too long. So I let every tear fall, everything I’ve been holding back, I let loose. It  feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels good to cry, to let everything go. There’s a soft knock on the door. “Mare?” He asks. “Are you okay?” This time, I answer honestly. “Yeah, I’m okay.” “Oh, okay. I got worried, because it’s been twenty minutes and you haven’t cut the water on.” Right, I’ve been sitting a bathtub crying. “Can I come in?” The door muffles his voice. “Yeah, sure.” I reply. I hear him walk in and stand still, looking around for me. “I’m in the shower.” He pulls back the curtain to look at me. “Hi…” I say weakly. “Mare, have…have you been crying?” “Yeah…” “Why?” Are you serious? I try to keep the bitterness from my expression. “A lot of stuff that I kept to myself for too long.” To be honest, there isn’t much I’ve told anyone. “Oh. Can I sit down?” He tries to keep his expression light, but I can tell he’s worried about me. “Sure.” He tries to sit down across from me in the tub, but he’s much taller than I am, so he ends up taking up over half the tub.  “You know, Mare, I barely know anything about you.” “Sweetheart, there isn’t much to know.” “Come on, there must be something you haven’t told me about yourself.” There’s a lot I haven’t told you, Cal. “Well, I used to sing a lot. I’m not any good, though.” My face burns, I know what he’s going to ask. “Can I hear you sing?” I knew it. My face turns an even deeper shade of red. There aren’t many musicians in Norta, but I’ve heard a few Old World songs. I decide on one and take a breath, starting to sing. When I look back at him, his eyes are wide, My face is burning crimson when I finish the song. “Wow,” he says. “You sound really good.” I find it in me to smile. “Well what about you?” I blurt out. “What about me?” He replies, smirking. “Can you sing?” His face flushes silver, turning his skin the color of moonlight. “Yes…” He starts to sing, it’s a song I’ve never heard before, but I could’ve listened to it a thousand times with his voice singing it. “You sound amazing.” I say. He grins, and I return the gesture. “What else don’t I know about you? Nicknames? Any more hidden talents?” I laugh. “No, no, there’s nothing else that’s very remarkable about me. What about you? Is there something I don’t know about you?” He laughs, “I’m an okay writer, I guess. I like writing short stories down.” He runs a hand through his hair. “You’re a writer?” I say, intrigued. “Have you ever written about me?” His face gets impossibly paler. “Once. The night I met you.” “And how did you describe me?” “Why do you want to know?” He says, flustered. “Because making you uncomfortable is fun.” He grins. He starts reciting what he has written down about me somewhere. “There’s something electric about her.” “Electric?” I smirk. “Hush.” He continues with what he was saying. “A certain power that I can’t place lurks beneath her warm, tanned skin. Shadows grow in her dark eyes. I noticed that her eyes aren’t the bleak, cold nothingness that I’m used to seeing. They’re warm brown, flecked with gold and bronze and amber. They show emotion, unlike any pair of eyes I’ve seen in a long time. She moves like a cat, agile and swift. I almost didn’t hear her sneak up on me. She told me everything while walking home. Every fear, every doubt, every regret. I could’ve sworn I saw tears streaming down her soft-carved features. I wish I could make things better for her, that I could lift every burden off her shoulders. Maybe one day I can. We stopped walking a little way from her house. The wind blew the wild mane of dark curls out of her face. She’s breathtaking. She starts to walk away from me, and I wish I could’ve asked her to stay, but I had to get back. I can’t stop thinking about her. She was a hurricane, and I would go through that storm again and again if it meant seeing her again. I think I might be in love, and I don’t even know her name.” “Oh.” I say, flustered. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, but the words come out anyway. “I love you too.” He looks down and grins, blushing. I move towards him in the tub. “No more keeping stuff to myself.” I promise. “No more letting you pretend to be okay. No more blaming what happens to us on you.” I smile. My lips meet his. “No more crying in bathtubs at two in the morning, lightning bug.” I giggle at the nickname he came up with. “Well you know what, fire babe? Sometimes it feels good to cry.” He smirks. “Fire babe?” I smile. “You heard me.” He kisses me again. “Weirdo.” He says. “Maybe, but I’m your weirdo.” I answer. “I love you, Mare Barrow.” “I love you too, Tiberias Calore.”

Tags: @lilyharvord @chaoslaborantin @redqueenfandom @maremollysbarrow @maudthebookeater @queenmareena @mavencalorers @evangeliensamos

Commentary: I forgot to say this, but the song Mare sings is Roman Holiday by Halsey. The song Cal sings is Death of a Bachelor by Panic! at the Disco

I need to let this out

I feel like a huge failure today. I dont feel like that everyday. Sometimes I feel a little bad, but today the feeling is overwhelming. I have kept my weight of 57 kgs. In these months, I broke up with my boyfriend and met a lot of new people. Things have changed a lot for me, but my weight stays the same, and I’m glad for it. But at the same time I’m disappointed with myself. I didnt make it to my ugw by october. I’m 5 kgs away from my dream body. Spring has arrived, summer is getting closer. Its around the corner, and my beach body is far from existing. I’m getting closer to another summer in my life in which I’m nothing more but my sister’s shadow. Another summer being the fat ugly friend no one wants to talk to at the club. And I’m getting fucking older, I’m 19 already I’m running out of time.
I feel stressed. Uni’s fine but it doesnt make me happy. I pass the necessary tests but I go to classes without any motivation whatsoever.
Theres this cute guy who I’ve known for like five years but now he says he’s in love with me because I’m single now. I thought he was just my friend. He is the sweetest thing to me. He asked me to be his girlfriend but I said no because I dont feel ready to start another relationship. Everybody tells me I’m stupid for rejecting him, but I cant help feeling like de biggest piece of garbage and I dont want him to date someone like me. I dont deserve him.
Today, all these little things make me feel horrible. I’ve never felt so numb and empty as today. The only thing I feel is my own lack of importance.
What made me want to tell this to someone else is the fact that today I broke a two years habit just because. Theres this guy in my university which I always bump into, we’ve never talked to each other but we always ALWAYS smile when we see each other, even if its from the distance. I felt so worthless today that I couldnt find thw strength to smile back. He seemed unhappy about that. I wonder if he’s worried, I wonder if he noticed, I wonder what he thinks of me.
I bet he doesnt care. And knowing that he doesnt care… Its just so sad.
The only solution I have is to keep starving because its the only thing in my life that can make me happy without fucking hurting anyone
Sorry if you didnt need this kind of post in your dash. I just needed to let it go

anonymous asked:

I live close to Disney World so we go pretty often. I think the crowing moment of all the Disney trips was meeting Kylo Ren. Why? Because the actor flat out flirted with me. I walked in with my friends and he's there and I'm so giggly bc Kylo Ren. And he comes over to me and goes, "Why are you giggling, and why are you so beautiful?" I had to keep myself from screaming. Long story short I'm dating the hog Kylo Ren actor. (After we left he had a costume change and chased us out to the Launch Bay)

OH MY GOD WHAT NO WAY THAT IS AMAZING?!? The first time I met Kylo was like a dream bc he was literally looming over me for a good few minutes like a damn shadow just to ask me for a selfie and I was so nervous the whole time I didn’t know what he wanted until my sis n best friend told me :’)

anonymous asked:

"It's just some scratches"

I never thought that all of the stories that my Nona used to tell me growing up were true. I always just thought that werewolves and banshees and evil fox spirits were things of make believe. For years, men that changed into wolves were things of my dreams.

That is until I met Peter Hale. I’d come into contact with him on several occasions, but none like tonight. Tonight I was running through the reserves, like a did every Friday night. The trail that I usually ran was closed off, forcing me to run a unfamiliar one. This one was harder, tiring me out faster than usual. I stopped near an old stump of a tree to catch my breath.

I knew someone was lurking around me when I first heard the twigs snapping. I tried to assure myself that it was a bunny or a squirrel. But the sounds became louder and I could hear heavy breathing and even when I called out, there wasn’t an answer.

Finally I took off running, not sure where I was heading. I tried to look all around to see my assailant, but all I heard was my heavy breathing. But suddenly ahead a pair big read eyes stood out against the darkness. I skidded to a stop before turn to run a different way. The red eyes were faster than me and were blocking my path once again. I tired several more times, before the red eyes formed a shape. The shape drew closer and closer until it was standing in front of me.

It was hideous. A larger wolflike figure, but stood on two legs instead of four. As the moon light shone one the creature I could make out the facial features of it. It had an uncanny resemblance to Peter. He titled his hand to the side at me, almost like he knew me before raising his claw or hand or whatever and clawed at me. I raised my arm to block my face, his talons scratching until my forearm. I stumbled to the forest floor, before scrambling to my feet ignoring the stabbing pain in my arm and running until I could see the street lights in the parking lot of the Beacon Hills Reserves.

The doctors nor my parents believe my story and were convinced I’d had some kind psychotic break. So I kept my mouth shut after that. I didn’t tell anyone not even my school friends and no one asked me about the mysterious looking scratch marks on my arm. That is until Stiles Stilinski asked me. I had only talked to him once or twice since we’d gone to school together, but the day after this all happened he spoke on me.

“What happened to your arm?” He asked, a curious look on his face.

I looked down at my arm, the wound healing quite nicely. “It’s just some scratches.”

I shrugged, but Stiles was persistent. “You weren’t out in the woods by some coincidence a few night ago, were you?”

SVT as Things Sea’s Friends Have Said

S.Coups: “I’m going to hunt that bee down and fuck it up”

Jeonghan: “hopefully placing it on a counter in the kitchen will disgust someone into cleaning it for me”

Joshua: “i think nickelback is the best single argument against white supremacy.”

Jun: “one is never completely screwed, only slightly screwed”

Hoshi: “hey guys protip. don’t type ‘porn’ into google and expect a dictionary definition”

Wonwoo: “Hm alliteration makes me happy. And the idea of skulls made out of sugar candy”

Woozi: “I have finally composed the perfect playlist to accompany my necrophilic zombie novel I’m so proud of myself”

D.K: On google docs- “wow this font is actually pretty sexy”

Mingyu: “Oh guys this morning I met this girl at the gym and then I stared at her and then I asked her out on a date and she said yes and then I woke up and I realized I was dreaming”

The8: “what is this (friend’s name) giving actual advice? damn. really seen everything now.”

Seungkwan: “sounds like me on one of my ADHD induced rants”

Vernon: “I can tell when I’m dehydrated because I start craving mini wheats - Is that like a thing that is common?”

Dino: “Wait I don’t want to be on a watchlist”

Part 2

Frender Wedding Vows Tho:
  • Bender: When I grew up, I had a simple life on the farm. I dreamed of coming to the big city with hopes and aspirations of my own, a dream that I still have to this day; a dream of killing all humans. But then, on my way to kill myself, I met this squishy meatbag that made me think, 'If I stole his wallet, I'd buy him a drink with his own money, and I'd even call him back the day after.' I love this squishy meatbag.
  • Fry: *snifflin like a lil bitch* He taught me how to shave.
  • Bender: *sappy loving grin*
  • Fry: *sappy loving grin*
I never dream. I go to sleep, I wake up and in the middle is just darkness. I’ve always wondered why: maybe I don’t have anything to dream about, I always told myself. 
I’ve always been a dreamer though, just not at night. I am an over-thinker, by nature. But I’m also a creative, a passionate person with dreams and hopes. Even though I don’t dream at night, I do think and dream during the day. I have big dreams, wild dreams. I'm hoping one day they become my reality. 
When I met you, I knew something was different. The way you make me feel, like I can’t breathe but I’m not suffocating either. Even when you’re not here, when I’m alone in my room at 3a.m. and you’re far away, dreaming alone in your own bed. Wondering if you’re dreaming about me. 
I can’t get you off my mind all day. I want to talk about you all the time, I catch myself wandering off into a magical world of you in my head. I want the world to know how deeply I feel about you. I’m a hopeless romantic. And I truly always thought there was no hope for me. But this time, it feels different. 
Because now when I go to sleep, I dream. I dream of you, only of you. I’ve never slept better, and I never want to wake up. Because when I wake up, the things I dream about you aren’t true in the real world. And I hate it here. It’s a miserable place, compared to that world in my dreams. A place where you and I are madly in love, spinning in a void of adoration and where you know it. You know what I feel and I know what you feel and it’s so assured and right. It’s so comforting and warm, but scary and exhilarating, like we are flying down the highway at 200km an hour but I have no risk of crashing and burning. 
If I could never wake up tonight, I would wish it. Can I stay in my dreams forever? Or else, make my dreams reality for me. Fall in love with me too.

My head is a messy but beautiful place these days 

A mixture of writing about myself and writing about how I’m sure other people feel when they fall deeply in love 

My head hurts with thought and my heart is heavy with emotion, but I’m strong enough to carry this one 

#39 “Tell a soul and I’ll kill you.”

Sam’s eyes were like a magnet. Contact. Eye contact, body contact, mind contact. My every thought was on Sam, his soft, floppy hair, his amazing eyelashes and sweet brown eyes. The way his body was touching mine, the sweet yet masculine smell of him. And as he leaned in, I drew toward him, wanting what was about to come next.

Our lips met and it was heaven. His hands were resting softly on my waist, almost as if he were scared to move them anywhere else. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I wanted it so bad. I pressed myself against him more firmly and rested my hands on his shoulders. He gained confidence and his fingers gripped me more tightly, one hand stroking up and down my side.

It was mostly a blur. A pleasant, nirvana-like dream that I never wanted to leave. My mouth parted on a whimper and he took it as a chance to introduce tongue, which I gladly accepted. My hands started to wander, rubbing his neck and running up and down the lean muscle of his arms. He wrapped his arms fully around my middle and we were kissing as if the end of the world was approaching.

My fingers skimmed under his shirt just as I heard the patio door slide open. I heard Skeez and Johnson talking and immediately pulled away, breathless. Sam looked at me with half-closed eyes as I got up to straighten myself out.

I was flustered. I heard the noise outside from the many people in and around the pool but didn’t register it. Sam sat back and said, “Wait.”

I couldn’t I didn’t have time to wait. “That didn’t happen. Tell a soul and I’ll kill you.”

He stiffened a little at my statement and I could see the confusion on his face, but I didn’t want to deal with it. I left room we’d been sitting in and quickly headed to the front door.

“Hey, where you going, Y/N? The party just started,” Skeez called out.

“I have work in the morning, but I’ll see you guys later,” he didn’t bother me anymore as I fled out of the door and drove myself home.

I thought about it as I drove home, and got ready for bed, and got in the bed. What had I done? I mean the guy was my polar opposite, my worst enemy. We fought over everything. We couldn’t even sit in the same room together without getting into an argument. Sure, he was attractive, but that didn’t mean I should go and kiss him. I was supposed to be independent. I was the only girl the guys hung out with that never got sexually involved with them.

I can’t believe I did that. What would it be like now? I mean if I acted as flustered as I did after the kiss everyone will easily figure out what’s going on.

I can’t believe I kissed him. Well, he kissed me, but I let it happen. I wanted it to happen. We’ve always argued but I must admit I’ve always found him attractive. It was always just that, though. An attraction. I could never be in a relationship with the guy, I don’t even think you could call what we have a friendship.
*2 weeks later*

I haven’t seen the guys since that night. And it kind of sucks. I have plenty of other friends, it’s just that they’re my main group. We’ve been with each other since Omaha, and we promised to stick with each other ’til the end. I just miss them. But I feel like something’s broken between me and them now. I was always just a friend. I was like a sister. None of us could ever imagine anything happening to break that, like me hooking up with one of them.

But now? I don’t know anymore. Whatever my relationship with Sammy was is now something totally different and there’s nothing I can do to change that. And it sucks because what we had before ws so great. They were probably starting to wonder where I was. I’ve gotten a couple texts from Nate and Johnson, but I just told them I’ve been super busy with work and school, which is a lie. Bothhave been pretty dead for a while now.

As I close up shop, I hear voices behind me.

“Y/N!” someone calls out. I turn around and see Both of the Jacks, Nate, Sam, and Swazz. “Thought you had to work late tonight?”

“Boss let me close up early,” I said, knowing I never had to work late in the first place. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We were coming to visit you, but if you’re done working then you can come hang out with us right?” Johnson says.

I glanced at Sam. He immediately looked to the side. If I said no, they’d definitely know something’s up. “Yeah sure.”

“We were just gonna walk around, maybe go visit the concert at the pier. Is that cool with you?”

I nod and we start walking. They’re all taller than me so they walk a bit faster and I end up behind. I notice Sam starting to walk slower and eventually we’re going at the same pace at least a couple yards behind the guys.

“Why haven’t you been around?” he asks.

“I’ve been busy. Why do you care?”

“Was it because of the kiss?”

“Shh!” I scold him. “They’re right there. And no, it wasn’t.” I’ve lied way too much in the past few weeks. “What part of ‘I’ve been busy do you not understand?”

“Geez, no need to be harsh.” he says, putting his hands up in surrender. “We need to talk about that, though,” he sys referring to the kiss.

“I’d rather not.”

“Too bad. Why don’t you want anyone to know about it.”

“Can’t we just pretend it didn’t even happen?”

“No, that definitely happened, and it was.. something,” he says.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask curiously, wondering if it was horrible or amazing.He stays silent for a moment and I stare at him, waiting for an answer. “Well?”

“I liked it,” he finally says quietly.

How do I respond to that? “Oh” is all that comes out of my mouth.

Sam opens his mouth again to speak, but Gilinsky cuts him off. “Hey, let’s get something out of here,” he points to the frozen yogurt shop just a few feet away.

All the guys head in but I just take a seat on the bench outside and say, “Nah, I’m good. But you guys go ahead.”

Sam says, “Me too,” and grabs a seat next to me. “So how do you feel about the kiss?” He’s all tense and slightly awkward, and I’m mad at myself for finding it cute that he’s nervous about what I think.

“Why does it matter? It can’t happen again so let’s just forget about it.”

“Why can’t it?”

“Because— wait. Do you want it to happen again?”

“I don’t know… maybe. It was a pretty amazing kiss.” I open my mouth to respond but he continues, “And don’t even try to deny it, I know you liked it. I could tell by the way your hands were all over me,” he lowers his voice and gets closer to my ear, “and by those little noises you made, and by the way you kept pulling yourself closer and closer to me. You loved that kiss, and I bet you want it to happen again right now.”

I was on the verge of moaning out loud as his lips ghosted over my ear. It took me a moment to compose myself and I could tell he was amused. “Whether or not I want it is out of the question. What game are you trying to play?”

“I’m not trying to play games, I’m just saying. If that short kiss was that good, I can’t imagine how great it’d be if we went further.”

“What are you even saying? You hate me,” I say.

“I don’t hate you, I just strongly dislike you.”

“Like that’s any better,” I scoff.

“Either way, I think we’d be really, really good together. I’m proposing a deal.”

I should say no right off the bat, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested. “What kind of deal?”

“We can hook up, no strings attached. And since we can’t stand each other, there’s no risk of catching feelings.”

“No. Absolutely not. This could go wrong in so many ways!”

“But you want it anyway don’t you?”

Of fucking course I did. I glanced in the shop. All the guys were ordering, and our bench was out of their line of sight. Sammy leaned closer and closer to me, and just like I did that night weeks ago, I leaned into him too.

And when our lips met for the second time, it was just as good as the first, if not better. It was as if as soon as we touched their was no way to pull back. I don’t know what it was, maybe our fiery hate for each other just translated to something different when it came to sex-related stuff, but this was amazing. And I’d be a fool if I gave it away.

I pulled back, breathless and flustered, and said, “Fine, it’s a deal.” I held my hand out so that we could shake on it.

He looked down at it, grabbed it, but instead of shaking it, he pulled me to him and kissed me again, making both of us moan. I pulled away after a moment, knowing the guys would be out soon.

“The rest of the guys cannot know about this, okay?” I say.

I can tell he’s still in whatever land we’re taken to when we kiss, but he nods in agreement. This should be fun.

Part 2

Part 3


A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you liked it. Sorry to the requester for taking so long to get this done. I tried to put a little extra effort into it as an apology. Also, would anyone be interested in a part 2? Like idk maybe where one of them catches feeling or something? Idk message me if you are. As always, REQUESTS ARE OPEN so send them in whenever.