i mean you shouldn't but you do

  • Reporter: What is 2+2?
  • Donald Trump answers the question: "I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'What's 2+2'? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my God, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. It's terrible. It's just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you. First of all the number 2, by the way, I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy but he's like, '10101000101,' on and on, like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers, and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe it. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me."
“Making employees work on Thanksgiving is evil!”

Friend, I 100% agree. But if you want to work towards stopping it, you need to not shop on Thanksgiving. Maybe you by yourself may not mean much, but enough people together refusing to do business with companies on Thanksgiving will greatly discourage corporations from continuing the practice.

This is how you “vote with your wallet.” 

This is totally how they exercise and no one can convince me otherwise…

Yes Shiro, work that body *ahem*

Pidge sure gets to sit somewhere nice don’t they

Hope you guys enjoy~!

The Morning After Sentence Starters
  • "Get out, get out, get out, get out!"
  • "Do you remember anything from last night?"
  • "Why are you in my bed?"
  • "I'd offer you breakfast, but I think I'm too sore to move."
  • "So.. Was it good?"
  • "Who topped?"
  • "I thought you'd be gone by the time I woke up..."
  • "I should go."
  • "This didn't mean anything."
  • "We shouldn't have done this..."
  • "Of course I'm freaking out! You're my friend!"
  • "I'm guessing this was a one time thing?"
  • "Yeah, yeah, I know how this goes. I'll grab my clothes and get out of here."
  • "Good morning, hope you don't mind me borrowing your shirt.."
  • "I made you coffee, did you want some Aspirin?"
  • "This stays between us."
  • "Congratulations. You actually convinced me to sleep with you."
  • "Are you sneaking out on me?"
  • "So, how much for last night?"
  • "Holy shit! she's on her way over here right now, she/he CANNOT see you!"
  • "Don't answer it!"
  • "Do you have any idea how wrong this was?"
  • "We're cheaters. We're horrible people. Oh god my mother would be so ashamed of me right now."
  • "..Do you wanna do this again sometime, maybe?"

You can be bad at a language right now and still put it in your langblr bio because you’re trying. You can be a beginner at a language and still say you speak it because YOU DO. As long as you make a point to keep improving you shouldn’t be ashamed of where you currently are because we all have to start somewhere

Feels stressed: Daydream

Feels Happy: Daydream

Feels Angry: Daydream

Feels Sad: Daydream

Feels Nothing: Daydream

Good Shipping People vs Bad Shipping People
  • Person: Hi!
  • Me: Hello!
  • Person: So, I ship *insert ship name here*
  • Me: I do too! Why do you ship it?
  • Person: Oh, it's just so cute! I mean, look at them, both boys together. All of my ships are gay. All. Of. Them.
  • Me: I think it's good cause of evidence that supports it.... And how their personalities work.
  • Person: Really? I've never noticed that! Oh well, hey look another gay ship with them!!!! MY NEW OTP.
  • Me: Damn it.
  • Note: Do not be like this person. All ships have a way of being good, and you shouldn't ship just cause it's a boy and a girl or a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl. Ship cause you think that personally they could be a good couple.
  • Prussia: hey, West! Can you draw me?
  • Child Germany: h-huh?? What's this all of a sudden?
  • Prussia: well, I'm sick of Spain and France always showing off how well or cute their little siblings draw, and so I want you to draw the awesome me so that I can show off how good you are! And hey, I've never actually seen you draw!
  • Child Germany: ... I don't want to.
  • Prussia: Ehhhh??? Why not??? Don't you love me, West???
  • Child Germany: that's not it... it's just... I can't draw well...
  • Prussia: it shouldn't be that bad! I mean, at least do something that portrays my awesome personality through art!
  • *The Next Day*
  • France: Prussia, why the long face?
  • Spain: did Germany manage to illustrate you well?
  • Prussia: yeah... through a hundred pages annotated essay about me... double spaced with bibliography and footnotes...

tfw you’re glad that p*wdiepie is finally getting the backlash he deserves for his shitty “jokes” but you see that so many of his fans and fellow youtubers are bending over backwards to defend him lmao

the dude could literally murder someone and some of his fans would still be like “it was taken out of context!” and “he was trying to make a point!”

  • Sakura: Sarada, how was school today?
  • Sarada: Terrible. Inojin, that idiot, tried to kiss me. I kicked him between the legs for that.
  • Ino: Oh you shouldn't have sweetie, he's gonna need those parts later.
  • Sarada: Aunt Ino, you are here? (turns and notices her mom slipping a bill under the table) What are you guys doing?
  • Sakura: Just drinking tea and gossiping, we haven't chatted in a while-
  • Sarada: No, I mean, the thing you did under the table... Mama, are you betting on my lovelife again?
  • Sakura: Honey, let me explain...
  • Ino: Don't blame us, sweetie, your mama trained under the greatest gambler after all.
  • Sarada: Urgh, I can't believe you, mama! I'm going to train with papa this evening because at least he doesn't gamble on my life choices.
  • -same time, different location-
  • Naruto: Soo... Boruto said Sarada let him borrow her notes today. Pay up, moron.
  • Sasuke: Tch, that son of a bitch.
  • Naruto: Sasuke, language!
  • Sasuke: Sorry.
  • Naruto: ... (waiting for his money)
  • Sasuke: (whispers) That son of an idiot.
  • Naruto: ... Okay I heard that!
  • people on this website: it's really mean of you to hate on steven universe uwu some people enjoy it and you shouldn't ruin their experiece, this is a comfort show for many people
  • the same people, without any kind of tagging: anyways teen titans go is bad, the new powerpuff girls is terrible, the new episodes of spongebob and fairly oddparents are awful, and every show that's not steven universe or gravity falls is just objectively worse
  • the same people: i can't imagine anyone using any less succesful cartoon for the same ends as i do with steven universe so why should i censor myself
should you fight them: clone wars edition
  • anakin: if you value your life, do not fight anakin. he probably deserves it, but you might die, so i wouldn't recommend.
  • obi-wan: he's gone through enough shit, why do you even want to fight him? i guess if you really need to, just know that there's no way you will ever win, but he won't kill you unless you're an immediate threat. just don't hurt him, please, he does not deserve any more hardships.
  • ahsoka: why would you fight ahsoka? do you like beating up innocent padawan ladies who have never done you any wrong? plus, anakin will probably gut you.
  • rex: literally do not fight rex. he is completely innocent and has experienced too much sadness for one very short clone lifetime, please do not fight him. plus he will fuck you up, i mean have you seen this boy??? like anakin probably won't come after you but it's because he knows he doesn't need to.
  • barriss offee: please fight barriss. you know exactly why. just do it! fight her! she deserves to have her ass kicked immediately.
  • asajj ventress: she'll hand you your ass and probably kill you, but if you want to fight her, then i guess?? sure???
  • satine: DO NOT FIGHT SATINE. you will win, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST???? plus, obi-wan will kick your ass.
  • lux bonteri: he's a great politician, but he's also as useful in a fight as a tie-dye handbag, so you probably shouldn't fight him. i mean, you'd win, but it wouldn't be satisfying.
  • padme: she might seem weak and easy to defeat, but she's had like 10 assassination attempts and she's not even thirty yet, nor is she dead. do not fight her. PLUS, anakin would try to kill you if you even looked at her wrong, so like. there's that.
  • hondo ohnaka: you should probably fight him, but you also really don't want to get on his bad side, but he's also strangely likeable, despite being a literal kidnapping, thieving, smuggling pirate? i dunno, dude. i guess you can fight him, but you should be careful.
  • palpatine: i cannot stress how much you should fight palpatine. you'll probably die, but it will be worth it.
Prostitute/Stripper Starter Sentences
  • "How much?"
  • "So what do you like?
  • "Top? Bottom? Versatile?"
  • "Give me the royal treatment, then."
  • "I don't kiss on the lips, sorry."
  • "So how long have you been doing.. What you're doing?"
  • "Can you.. Do that again?"
  • "You don't have to go, you know. I can make us breakfast?"
  • "You deserve a nice girl/guy. You shouldn't trail after someone like me."
  • "Just because I'm your whore for the night doesn't mean you get permission to treat me like one."
  • "I wasn't supposed to give you this number.."
  • "In the day light we don't know each other."
  • "It was on the house."
  • "You really fucked me up, you know that? I've never had this problem with a client before--I shouldn't have this problem with a client ever."
  • "No feelings. That was our deal."
  • "I can't give you what you want. I can't give you a normal relationship."
  • "You the one who called for an all nighter?"
  • "My favorite regular-- what can I do for you tonight?"
  • "I may be what I am at night, but in the real world I have a life, okay! Stop butting in to it!"
  • "It's okay to call me what I am. A whore, don't need to sugar coat it."
  • "Of course it's a fake name!"
  • "This isn't a date, it's business."
  • "I'll let you do anything you want.. Just follow my few rules."
  • "I know you have rules about this.. but can I take you out sometime? Not as this you--but as--well, you."
  • "Just because you've been my regular for months/years, doesn't make us friends."
  • "What do you think this is, 'Pretty Woman'?"

“Chris doesn’t have that reputation because guys don’t go around calling other guys sluts” - Noora Sætre.

The Sexual Awakening of An Innocent Pureblood, Dating The Randy Prat Who Lived Ch.15

And so, illustrious readers, @l0vegl0wsinthedark and I bring you the first of this weekend’s installments about an increasingly less innocent pureblood. In this chapter, Draco gets haughty and demanding, Harry is confused and turned on (when is he not, really?), and we’re pretty sure that at least three people were blushing, though of course we have no evidence of this.

Here’s a link to Chapter 14 in case you’ve missed how Draco has gotten so, well, randy.  (We think it might be catching.)  And also, we now have Masterlist for any newcomers who are interested in starting the saga from the beginning!

Content warnings: semi-public sex, oral sex, anal fingering, frisky men behaving with no sense of decorum, and–as always–lots of mouth pressing.

Chapter 15: Harry Potter – Boy Who Lived, Star Auror, And A Goddamn Blessing

Keep reading

  • yoongi, half asleep: uh, man, i wanna sleep some more...
  • hoseok: what if i told you're still dreaming?
  • yoongi: lol really?
  • hoseok: yeah, this is a dream
  • yoongi: does that mean i can do whatever i want and it will have no harm in my actual real life?
  • hoseok: i guess
  • yoongi: oh
  • yoongi: hobi i think we need to have a serious conversation
  • yoongi: it's a dream anyway
  • yoongi: i want you to fuck me ok i know we're like best friends and i shouldn't be saying this but i've been passing my days horny because of you i think you might like it
  • hoseok: uh, dude
  • yoongi: what
  • hoseok: it's not a dream
  • hoseok: i was just playing with you
  • yoongi:
  • hoseok:
  • yoongi:
  • hoseok:
  • yoongi, a professional, pretending to be a sleepwalker waking up from an usual nap: DUDE GUESS WHAT I JUST HAD THE FUNNIEST DREAM