i mean was this truly necessary

So I just did a post about how I manage my time and my daily schedule and such, and I felt like this part is really important and was getting lost in the minutiae of my day, so I made it a separate post. I was talking about various ways in which my life is not necessarily “normal”, like how I go to bed at 7:30, which people treat as one of my eccentricities, and rightly so. But while it is weird it speaks to the crux of my life philosophy, which I’ve spoken about before as regards dealing with anon hate:

My time and attention are finite resources and they have a value I can bestow where I wish. If something is not necessary to survive, does not solve a problem, or does not provide joy, I stop doing it.

I pay my bills and do my dishes and wash my clothes because you have to do those things. I engage in activism and try to stay current on the news because I believe I have a moral duty to contribute to society, and I run because it’s good for my heart and my body. I have friendships, engage in fandom, play the ukulele, write, go to concerts and movies and art galleries because it brings me joy to do so.

Going to bed early solves a problem for me: I wasn’t doing anything useful with that time anyway, I wasn’t enjoying myself or feeling happy. If I wasn’t getting any benefit from that time, how could I put it to better use? Sleeping is beneficial, so I tried that, and it worked; I get more sleep and I don’t miss anything I can’t catch up with. Work doesn’t make me especially happy or fulfill me in ways we could all wish, but that’s okay. Work is necessary to survive, so I do it. I don’t date much because I tried dating semi-recently and the promise of future joy did not outweigh the lack of joy that dating itself brought to my life; it was painful, ugly, and boring, and so I stopped doing it. 

The dating thing may change in the future, if eventually the promise of a relationship becomes more enticing, but it’s an example of how the pursuit of happiness is non-standard, and you are allowed to weigh the cost against the payoff based on your own personal feelings, not on society’s dictates. Because it turns out when you are doing what makes you happy, when you feel joy, you could give two shits about what everyone else thinks should make you happy. 

Sometimes, what brings me joy is sitting on the couch listening to a podcast I’ve already heard ten times and playing a stupid mindless flash game; I often catch myself thinking “I could be doing something more useful, something cooler, something more active” and remind myself “But this is making me happy, and it’s what I’m capable of doing right now.”

“Does this make me happy” or, if you’re struggling with happiness, “Does this calm and soothe me” is a great metric for what you should be doing in life when you are on your own time. It’s a good way to check in with yourself and lead yourself towards a more fulfilling life on your own terms. 

If you are out at a bar with friends, stop and ask, does this make me happy? Because there is no way in which asking that does not help. If being at a bar doesn’t make you happy and if it’s the only time you see your friends, maybe it’s time for a change; you are now free to pursue something that will make you happy. If being at a bar doesn’t make you happy but your friends do, and this is one way to bond with them of many, then it’s a cost with a later benefit, and you’ve now become conscious that while you aren’t happy right this minute, you are paying into future joy. And if you like being out at a bar with friends and are having a good time, then you’ve reaffirmed to yourself that you are happy and this is where you want to be. And affirming that you are feeling joy is a great thing to do. 

You don’t have to be happy all the time – but on your own time, when work and chores and the duties of the day are done, you should devote yourself to finding joy in whatever form that takes, be it a nap or a party or a date or your kids or, I don’t know, watching people make fake food on YouTube. 

Believing that your time and attention have value and should only be bestowed on the worthy means coming to believe that you have value, which is so hard to do that I’ll take any shortcut I can get. Devoting your time time and attention only to what is necessary or what is pleasurable means learning a great deal about what you value, and I truly believe leads you to a more fulfilled life.

So when people ask me about time management, I have real tips and tricks to offer – but I think the most important think I can offer is the suggestion that whatever time you have, you should believe it has value because it is yours, and you should direct it appropriately. 

Katara: It’s not magic. It’s waterbending, and it’s-
Sokka: Yeah, yeah, an ancient art unique to our culture, blah blah blah. Look, I’m just saying that if I had weird powers, I’d keep my weirdness to myself. 

So I wanted to talk a little about Katara, because I think we often focus on her grief for her mother, and forget her relationship to her culture, and her experience of the Southern Water Tribe genocide (unlike the Air Nomads genocide, which was for the greater part over after four big terrifyingly effective simultaneous strikes, this one took place over a long length of time - more than 40 years? 50? - and it wasn’t total, but it definitely was one. genocide = the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group, fwiw)

(Kanna’s village - before and after)

All of the Southern water benders were exterminated or taken away to rot in prison (where they all died eventually except for Hama). Katara was born the only bender left in the whole South Pole. Then when she was eight years old, she survived a raid that was meant to kill her, but took her mother instead (she probably was too young to realize that, to her it must have been a question mark up until she met Yon Rha - gratuitous cruelty? Why her mother in particular? They took nothing else!).

So Katara from a young age had a double burden to bear: that of her mother, and the legacy of her bending (and she was shown as painfully aware of her situation and what it meant on both front). But here’s the thing: Katara could be a mother, she was naturally good at it, and her grandmother could teach her what she didn’t already knew. Her family and tribe demanded that of her, they needed her to be that for them (especially after her father and the rest of the men basically abandoned them). However, there was no one left to teach her how to waterbend - she had almost no hope of ever becoming a master without formal training, her brother thought it was silly and weird and let her know, her grandmother thought it was a waste of time. But she kept practicing, because she knew how important it was, to her and to her tribe, that she kept trying (as the only one left who could).

(…an ancient art unique to our culture, blah blah blah…)

(Of course she would obsess over that waterbending scroll)

When she gets to the North Pole, she meets Pakku, and with him the opportunity of finally becoming a true master. But because she is a girl, he judges her unworthy. He judges her, the only remaining southern waterbender, unworthy of carrying on their culture. The Fire Nation didn’t care about the gender of their prisoners, men and women - they all fought side by side for their freedom in the South, and they were all taken away to the last one, and killed to the last one. In the South, the women had the choice to learn how to fight, or be defenseless. And privileged master Pakku couldn’t possible realize the extend of what he was denying her in that moment.

Katara had to prove herself, she had to earn her right to these teachings. And if she had been less good or less stubborn or not Kanna’s granddaughter - well the North would have refused their sister-tribe the power to use their common cultural heritage to fight back against the nation that destroyed them.

(It’s sexist and terrible.)

Meh, thankfully, she was that good, stubborn, and Kanna’s granddaughter, and she did get to become a master.

Good.

But, of course, her story doesn’t end here, and wrt her culture, the next chapter is a much more traumatizing experience. In the Fire Nation, she meets another master. This time it’s an old woman from the South like her (“You’re a waterbender! I’ve never met another waterbender from our tribe!”), and she is, ah, more than willing to help her.

Look how happy Katara looks at the idea to learn from her in particular:

Katara: I can’t tell you what it means to meet you. It’s an honor! You’re a hero.
Hama: I never thought I’d meet another southern waterbender. I‘d like to teach you what I know so that you can carry on the southern tradition when I’m gone.
Katara: Yes! Yes, of course! To learn about my heritage… it would mean everything to me.

But when Hama starts her lesson, the techniques she teaches have been obviously developed with one goal in mind: survival in enemy territory. They can’t possibly have been invented in the South Pole, where water is abundant everywhere. They are deadly and cruel, and the damage they do to the environment leaves Katara sad and uncomfortable, but Hama waves that off as unimportant. It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t have the time to worry about flowers or beauty or nature. To her that peace and beauty is probably just an illusion anyway, a lie: years after her escape she is still living the war, and war is ugly and rotten and messy (her world is ugly and rotten and messy - this is her comfort zone).

The last technique she teaches Katara is bloodbending. She forces Katara to learn something she finds disgusting, repulsive (just like Hama was forced to learn?) by torturing her (Hama was tortured), by overpowering her, invading her, making her lose control over her own body, bending her blood (Hama herself is clinging to the last remain of control she managed to get back after rotting in prison for years), and finally by threatening to have the two people she cares most about in the world kill each other right under her eyes (Hama lost everyone too, she had to say goodbye).

(Katara: But, to reach inside someone and control them? I don’t know if I want that kind of power.
Hama: The choice is not yours. The power exists…and it’s your duty to use the gifts you’ve been given to win this war. Katara, they tried to wipe us out, our entire culture… your mother!
Katara: I know.
Hama: Then you should understand what I’m talking about. We’re the last Waterbenders of the Southern Tribe. We have to fight these people whenever we can. Wherever they are, with any means necessary!
Katara: It’s you. You’re the one who’s making people disappear during the full moons.
Hama: They threw me in prison to rot, along with my brothers and sisters. They deserve the same. You must carry on my work.)

And this, this, is the only truly southern waterbending Katara is ever going to learn. This is her tribe’s bending heritage, what’s left of it: blood, grief, suffering, hatred, loss of control over both your body and mind (because it’s terrible, but I think that’s what’s implied by the show: bloodbending makes you lose your mind. Hama’s only mean of regaining physical freedom ended up trapping her in another nightmare). Hama gifts her with a power she despises (but will use anyway in her darkest hour when she loses control) and a philosophy of violence and revenge.

Katara chose peace and forgiveness. As an adult, she will have bloodbending outlawed, she will become the greatest healer in the world, and she’ll teach her daughter, the next avatar, probably many others. These choices matter, and we should talk about them with that background in mind. Katara redefined her heritage - or rather she created a new one for herself: she refused the condition that was forced upon her (bloodbender) and ensured nobody could legally do to someone else what Hama did to her (and it’s implied this law is valid anywhere in the world). She transmitted Pakku’s warrior teachings, the ones she fought for, to the next generations (and did a great job of it!), but she also taught them how to heal, refusing to separate the arts as in Northern Water Tribe tradition - and healing was something she discovered by herself, that she felt was always a part of her. At that, she became the universally acknowledged best. Her legacy, despite everything that happened to her, will never be one of violence.

tl;dr: Katara is one of the strongest fictional characters ever created bye

I posted this one as part of that last set, but I think it needs to be seen on its own to be truly appreciated. This is probably the most succinct explanation I’ve ever seen of how private property ownership creates an imbalance of power that makes wage labor an inherently non-voluntary transaction. When the means of production necessary for meeting human needs are under the exclusive control of one class of people they are able to use that advantage to exploit others.

If the person on the left perhaps had a means to fish, such as a net or harpoon, then the exchange might be considered voluntary. As it stands, though, the person who is claiming ownership of the tree has control over the sole source of readily obtained food. The threat of starvation (or violence by the tree’s owner) is a coercive factor that so many capitalists deliberately ignore when they claim that wage labor is a voluntary transaction.

anonymous asked:

So, I'm really curious as to what kind of "Awkward Romantic Crap" Keith did during the first three weeks of dating Lance when they were "boyfriends-who-don't-know-how-to-be-boyfriends" XDD Could you maybe give some examples?

I could, but, really, isn’t stuff like that sometimes best left to the imagination? ;) … Right, who am I kidding? I’m a bit sleepy, so my apologies — I’m gonna just give ya one example of Keith being an awkward turtle of a person :)


Awkward Romantic Crap, The First

Keith adores Lance a stupid amount. He spent several months contemplating (between the denying and the repressing because feelings why?) the many ways he would kiss that loudmouth into silence, give him all the reasons as to why he was wanted and valuable, not allowing him the chance to doubt himself ever again, but now they were boyfriends and Keith … He just couldn’t find the words.

So he tried with this one romantic gesture — he tried to get Lance flowers. 

Lance had no allergies (Keith sacrificed his dignity to ask Hunk), the flowers were normal and totally not flesh-eating (Keith gave up a little more pride to ask Coran for where to get a bouquet), and flowers were a thing couples did (according to Shiro, and by this point Keith sort of wanted to live inside Red and never face the team again).

So the reason why this became Awkward Romantic Crap is because Keith just could not find the right time to give them to Lance. 

There had to be some kind of special boyfriend-sense he was lacking because it never felt right to just suddenly give Lance flowers. And he really didn’t want to do it in front of the others, and his private time with Lance was hard to come by and most of it they spent feeling out their relationship and having some truly humiliating (albeit necessary) talks about boundaries or whatever.

They bouquet stayed in his room for a week, the special space blooms starting to droop. 

Until Lance came into his room, rubbing the back of his neck, sheepishly asking if they could have a date-night on the observation deck couch … And going mute halfway through his question when he saw the flowers.

Silence for a few seconds. Then, “Uh, who’s brought you flowers? Wait, was it that chick with the Elvis hair? Keith, Keith did you bond with another mullet? Are you … Okay, I mean, no, I’m being dumb. You can get flowers from admirers, it’s fine. Just … you could have mentioned it? Do we have to talk about this kind of stuff too? Or am I being, like, possessive if I ask you to tell me? Oh god, am I a controlling boyfriend —”

Keith shut him up with a kiss (maybe this made his heart speed up in the most awesome ways, but that didn’t negate the strategic value for getting a word in when Lance was full-ramble.) And then, trying to keep the blush down and failing, he said quickly, “They’re for you. They were … I got them, a week back, and I just … I couldn’t figure out when to give them to you?”

“A week — were you hiding them whenever we were hanging out in here?”

Keith didn’t answer except to turn even redder.

Lance wasn’t a silly jackass all of the time (though Keith actually found that silly jackass behaviour kind of fun and/or sweet because he was doomed), so he didn’t mock Keith at all — he just smiled and said, “Uh, you can give them to me now, if you want?”

Instantly, Keith reached over to the vase, pulling the flowers out, a few navy blue petals falling as he all but thrust them into Lance’s chest, the stems dripping water. “These are for you.”

“And what’s the occasion?” Lance asked, pink blossoming along his cheeks, down his neck.

“Just … just that I … I’m good with us. Now. And … happy. Because of you. So, thanks. For your existence.”

Lance’s face was doing a thing — Keith couldn’t tell if he was fighting back laughter or tears, but then two arms wrapped around his shoulders, bringing him into a soft yet lingering kiss. Satin petals brushed against Keith’s face as Lance still gripped the bouquet tightly.

When they both pulled away, Lance was grinning and Keith didn’t feel so awkward anymore. 

Except when his boyfriend started speaking again … “Dude, would you have just let my flowers die before you grew a spine and gave them to their rightful owner? For shame, Red, for shame.” He dragged the bouquet into the limited space between them. “Look at my precious babies! Did you change the water? You’re supposed to change the water, Keith, you can’t just —”

Keith crushed the flowers between their chests in order to gain access to that irritating (delicious) mouth. Lance wailed about his flowers even as their lips met again. Keith let Lance go long enough to get the flowers some fresh water, watching him carefully tend to the blooms that were still intact.

And then Keith dragged him in for more kisses — he was always better with actions than words. Except flower-giving, apparently. But Keith had learned that he could do that kind of romantic crap, at least once. Better luck next time — he’d give them to Lance in front of everyone, come hell or high water, damn it.

(And maybe, at some point in the future, Keith finds a few dark blue flowers pressed between the pages of an old Altean book Allura had given Lance for his birthday. 

Keith will blush again, cringe at the memory, and then kiss his boyfriend stupid when he walks through his bedroom door because he truly adores Lance a stupid amount, and Lance always appreciates his awkwardness, sees his efforts as the most sincere gestures of love, and Keith can’t help but see any mockery that did come his way as endearing. 

So doomed.)


I am off to bed, and oh so tired, but hopefully this drabble makes some kind of sense. Hope you found it both awkward and enjoyable! ;D *hugs* Many thanks for asking!

5

Bontenmaru-hen is an amazing manga!! Anyone whose a fan of the infamous Date Dragon Duo will love this story! Though the manga was published back in 2014-2015, I finally got my hands on it recently and will now do a short review, while keeping it as spoiler-free as possible.

First of all, the artwork is absolutely stunning! Drawn by the amazing Yoshihara Motoki, one of my favorite manga artists! A seinen style manga, the bold lines and heavy shading really emphasize the seriousness of this drama between Katakura Kojuro and Masamune during their early days together. Some dialogue is based on the ‘flashback’ scenes in the SB4 game sprinkled throughout Kojuro’s route. Mainly, how young Bontenmaru’s wild raging needed to be redirected into more productive actions, and it’s up to Kojuro to tame this wild young dragon…by any means necessary, for the sake of the Date clan.

Very intense, even violent at times, and quite touching in others, it shows how these two strong-minded men slowly came to realize, through carefully chosen words and actions, that they could rely on each other, and develop a bond of trust that nothing would ever break. And that only by facing your inner darkness can one truly shine…

This is a powerful story that, by the end, it had me in tears. Even though I have huge limitations in reading Japanese, the way it’s printed has hiragana and katakana letters next to the more challenging kanji words, so it’s somewhat easier to figure out the words and phrases. Honestly, it made reading some of the more dramatic dialogue even more powerful, since I was almost studiously reading it. I highly recommend this manga, especially to you Date clan lovers.

Home - Bruce Banner X Daughter!Reader - Part 1

PART 2  PART 3

MASTERLIST

TAKING REQUESTS

Request: Can I request one where Bruce Banner has a daughter he kept hidden but then has to bring her to the tower cause her mom and step dad kicked her out? Tony knew about her and she looked to him like an uncle. She feels unwanted and unloved but it all changes with her new family with the team. I’m needing some fluff

I changed it so that not even Tony knew about her and I hope that’s okay!

Warnings: None.

Words: 2 974

A/N: Oooooh my god I absolutely loved writing this! It’s 100% fluff with a bit of feels if you’re a sucker for broken families :))))))) Read at your own, fucking risk cause as I’m from a broken home myself this is amazing to read. (I don’t care that I’m self promoting my own work just read it damn it).


She sat waiting on the steps leading up the the front porch of her house, her overpacked duffel bag by her side and her phone clutched in her hands. It was mid dusk and the sun was setting in the distance, the sky turning darker for every minute passing.

She had been kicked out by her own mother and her new husband. She didn’t know how to feel about it. Her mom treated her like crap. Ever since Y/N had began resembling her father more and more as the years went by, her mom had progressively began to dislike her.

Y/N wasn’t the usual kind of girl, however cliché that sounded it was true nonetheless. She went freely to a biochemical science class long after school was over simply because she loved the subject. Her room was covered with a dozen of projects made from scrap material she had scoured the city for. She filled entire notebooks up with difficult equations simply for the joy being able to solve them so effortlessly.

Y/N was so much like her father that her mother could barely stand being around her own daughter at times. It hurt, more than her mother would ever understand, to be treated like a misfit in her own home.

His small car rolled up to he street before her house and she rose to her feet, bringing the duffel bag up with her.

They hadn’t seen each other in almost half a year. He was busy with his work, his new associates and dealing with personal struggling Y/N could only begin to understand the difficulty of.

She made her way up to the car and watched as the door opened up and Bruce got out, smiling nervously. “Hi kid.” He huffed, shoving his hands down into the pockets of his jacket.

“Hey.” She smiled back, her stomach feeling hollow from the happiness she was feeling simply from seeing her dad. “I’ve missed you.”

His heart ached by her simple confession. “I’ve missed you too, and… I’m so sorry about your mother.”

Y/N had been kicked out. Her mom had found a new guy who owned a private island in the Bahamas. The second the two of them met, her mom was gone. Y/N didn’t have any choice but to call up her dad and beg for help.

Bruce hadn’t hesitated. All he had ever wanted was to be around his daughter but her mother had prevented him from doing it, and he had always been submissive. When her mother had yelled at him that the other guy could lash out at any time and kill his daughter, he hadn’t argued with her for a second. He agreed if anything, but he loved his daughter too much to deny her to live with him when her mother practically gave her no other choice.

“Don’t be.” She smiled reassuringly, doing her best to forget about her mom for the time being. “Should we get going?”

She didn’t want to stick around her house anymore. It stood eerily empty from her mom packing her things and just waking out the door. Y/N didn’t know what would happen to it, but nor did she care. Few memories from that home were truly happy once and the ones that were involved Bruce in one way or another. She would rather watch it disappear in the rear view mirror of her dad’s car than anything.

“Of course, let me take that.” He reached out and grabbed her bag, furrowing his brows as he heard a clinking noise before a smile began to creep up his face. “Is that what I think it is?”

“The self-running generator I built in freshmen year, yeah.” She smiled proudly. “I use it to power up my computer, or used to…”

He huffed, putting her bag carefully in the trunk of the car. “Believe me, sweetie, you can have as many computers as you want when you come home.”

Her heart skipped a beat at that simple word. Home she had never considered to be the small house in northern Queens. If anything, home had been in school. That was the only place she had felt like she could be herself and where others accepted her for just that. At home, she felt out of place and abnormal and was judged for her hobbies and interests as well as her pure skills both in the scientific and technical field. Coming to a place where people shared her interests and where she would hopefully be accepted sounded like heaven.

They got into the car and Bruce started the engine, slowly driving out on the street and starting their drive back to the Tower. She looked up at the rear view mirror, seeing her childhood house become smaller and smaller before disappearing behind the nearby homes. As it did, she felt a weight fall off of her shoulders, a burden she hadn’t realized she had been carrying. It was the burden of her mother, the constant suppression of who she was. It was all lifted off her back and stayed behind with the Murray Hill house

“I have to confess something…” Bruce broke the silence and Y/N glanced over to him worryingly. She was preparing for the worst as he found herself doing more often than not. “I might have asked Tony to give you a workshop, and he might have done it…”

She gasped before letting out a short groan of disapproval. “What? No, why? I don’t need one!”

“But you sure would like one. I know you, Y/N. You have barely been able to put down a glass of water in your bedroom because you’ve had so many of your projects laying around… I think it’s time you separate where you sleep from where you tinker.” He looked at her briefly from the corner of his eyes, knowing she was indescribably happy even if she objected. He just wanted her to have what she deserved, which was the entire world if he had a say in it. “It’s the least I can do…”

She didn’t like that tone he had to the last sentence. He was feeling guilty and responsible for the way her childhood had turned out. She didn’t blame him for as much as a second however. If anyone had done anything wrong, it was her mother.

“Don’t guilt trip me here. You know I’m an easy crier.” She laughed in hopes to lighten the mood. “Let’s just focus on the present and the future, like how I got the annual scholarship from Columbia University.”

Bruce almost slammed the breaks of the car. Instead, he paid an alarming amount of time looking at her with blown wide eyes instead of focusing on the road. “No…”

“Yes.” She smiled, even prouder this time as Columbia University had been a dream of hers since she first came to Midtown high school and was told that she had a natural gift. She had competed with four others in a three hour long exam-like test and had been judged by a Colombia University represent. When she was sent the letter stating she got the scholarship, her mom had barely blinked. Y/N hadn’t cared however. She knew her dad would have been proud, and he had proven her so.

“That’s- That’s incredible!” He exclaimed, a big smile on his face that he couldn’t get rid of. “You deserve it. You’ve worked so hard for it.”

“I’ve had some help.” She said suggestively, leaning her elbow against the small ledge by the door window.

He glanced over at her in confusion before slowly puzzling it together. “What? The boxsets of build-you-own things I have you for your birthdays when you were, what, ten?”

“Hey, building rocket ship models and creating baking soda volcanos really helped!” She chuckled as recalled building and making half a dozen of those kinds of things all on the same night she had gotten them.

Bruce sighed in content, his heart warm like never before. “I’m so happy for you, kid. You turned out better than I could ever have hoped for.”

“Thanks, dad.” She said and let her head lean against the back of her seat. Bruce let out a short breath, barely remembering the last time he had been called dad in person. He liked the sound of it more than he would ever care to admit.


“Can I confess another thing?” He asked as they made their way into the elevator at the garage floor at the bottom of the Stark Tower.

“You haven’t gotten me something else, have you?” She questioned worryingly as she didn’t want him to spent his time and money on her.

“No…” His voice wasn’t as joyful as it had been and that truly made her worry. Was he getting cold feet? Did he not want her to live with him anymore? “I actually haven’t told anyone that I have a daughter.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “But how- you said Tony fixed a workshop for me?”

“He did.” Bruce assured, looking down at his feet, ashamed, which was far from necessary. She didn’t mind but she was a bit taken back however.

“Wait… Does that mean they don’t even know that I’m coming?” She tried to look at him but he avoided her eyes which resembled his own. “Dad?”

He looked at her upon hearing that word again, slowly beginning to nod his head yes. “I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again, so I saved myself the struggle of having explain our whole situation to the team.”

That was a very fair point. He could have told her it was because he simply didn’t want to and she would have been equally as fine with the answer. “Then you have some explaining to do when we get up, I assume.” She said as she looked up at the glowing level numbers above the elevator door which surpassed seventy.

“A whole lot.” Bruce sighed, hoping the team would understand. He didn’t doubt it however. If anyone would understand and accept the situation with Bruce and Y/N, it would be the team. They were far more supportive than they usually let show and he knew he could count on them even if he still worried about it.

The elevator came to a stop at the ninety sixth floor and the metal doors moved aside with a ding. The floor appeared empty at first but chatter was heard from further inside, echoing through the spacious lounge area.

Y/N examined the room with amazement. The architecture was unique with walkways and split levels along with highly modern interior. It was such a drastic change from her mother’s house that she could barely wrap her head around it.

As they came around a corner, an area with multiple sofas and armchairs surrounding a low table appeared, the Avengers themselves seated. As Y/N and Bruce appeared the table fell quiet and turned towards them. She felt like a deer in the headlights of a car but felt a surge of confidence as she had Bruce by her side.

“Banner!” Tony exclaimed, rising from his seat as he had sat with his back towards Bruce at first. “We didn’t think you’d make it… And who’s this? That assistant you talked about?”

Bruce took a deep breath. He hadn’t kept Y/N a secret because of her. He wished he would have been able to talk about his daughter and brag about her smarts, how beautiful she was and how well she was doing. He just hadn’t found it in himself to share his largest pride. The words that Y/N'a mother had told him, about the Other Guy being so dangerous in a world with Y/N, had rattled him into silence. It was time to break that silence however. Y/N was with him now.

“Everyone, this is Y/N… My daughter.”

Scott got a peanut stuck in his throat and coughed violently. The rest of the team were equally as shocked but showed it more discreetly. Everyone shared one thing however, and that was their loss of words. None of them could come up with a single thing to say but simply stared at Bruce and at Y/N which stood slightly behind her father.

“Hello.” She said quietly to the team, glancing up at Bruce that was looking back her way but not meeting her eyes once again.

“You have a daughter?” Tony questioned. “You’re not acting like you’ve just found out this fact like the rest of us…”

“I’ve known about her since the day she was born, and about nine months before that as well if I’m going to be honest.” He admitted and looked from Tony to Steve, to Bucky and Natasha. The others were still staring as well. Scott, Thor, Wanda, Vision, Clint, Sam and Rhodes. The only one who didn’t have the same look of pure surprise was Peter.

Y/N…” Peter said breathlessly and she looked over at the teen who she hadn’t seen until then, her eyes widening upon seeing his face.

“Peter?” She questioned, almost feeling dizzy by how strange of a direction things had suddenly taken.

“You know him?” Steve stood up as well, wanting to try and get a hold of the situation and properly get his head around things.

“Our biochemical science teacher, Professor Lloyd, has these optional, enclosed, seminars after hours for any students that have a passion… We’re both in it.”

“We have English and electrical engineering together as well, but why is he-” Y/N cut herself off, rephrasing her own words as she realized Peter was very much present. “Why are you here?”

Everyone looked over to Peter like they were waiting for him to reply. As he hesitated, Y/N’s mind raced as usual. She knew everyone on the team as their superhero personas and most of them had gotten their true identity connected with their alternative one, if they had ever had two to begin with. Tony being Iron Man was probably the easiest one, but she could put a name to the face with everyone else, but one superhero was left on her mind and Peter was the only one left in the room.

“You’re Spider-Man.” She accused and Peter began to stutter in panic, confirming her theory without using a single word.

“Bruce?” Tony dragged out the name and looked at Banner with hesitation. “Does your kid have, you know… Gifts?”

Bruce barely understood what he had been asked at first but then immediately began shaking his head. “No! No, no… Well, nothing that isn’t natural at least, if that’s what we’re referring to.”

“Oh thank god…” Scott suddenly let out along with a long sigh of relief. “I don’t know if I can handle any more super-teens in this group.”

“There’s one?” Rhodes questioned, not understanding Lang’s logic.

“Look.” Bruce called out to gain the attention of everyone again, looking back to Y/N for permission as they both knew that Bruce needed to explain. She nodded, and he understood. “Her- Her mom ditched her… She doesn’t have anywhere else to go and no one else to turn to…”

“You don’t have to explain.” Steve said to Bruce, a faint smile meant for Y/N as reassurance. “Of course you’re welcome here, Y/N.”

Steve walked through the gatherings of furniture where he had been sat and went up to Y/N, reaching his hand out and shaking hers. She smiled back, feeling like she might finally be in the right place.

“We already know each other, so I think we’re good.” Peter said, joining Steve and her with a smile of his own.

“Any family of Bruce is family of mine.” Natasha stood up and also made her way to Y/N. As Y/N though she would shake Natasha’s hand, the spy wrapped her arms around the startled teen for a brief hug. “I hope you like it here…”

One after another, the team rose to their feet, an act of approval that Y/N had a clear place in the Tower and with them. Had she been able to feel that amount of joy and acceptance on when alone, she would have been crying rivers, but she managed to hold them in.

Everyone began to make their way towards her at that point and left the couches and armchairs. Peter held his clutched hand up and requested a fist bump which Y/N happily gave him.

“You’ll fit in just great, and I’m always available if you wanna talk.” Wanda promised Y/N and also gave her a hug.

She had never felt at home, like she was truly meant to be somewhere. Perhaps it was part of her relatively shy and withheld personality, or it was simply because of where and how she had been raised. Her mom had never been supportive. She barely said hi after Y/N came home after school. She might have been Y/N’s mom, but Y/N had gotten ten times the love from a group of strangers in five minutes than she had ever gotten from her own mother through out her entire life.

Bruce looked down at his daughter that for far too long had lived a life so far away from what she deserved that it was almost humorous. He tried think of the advice she had given him, to focus on the present and the future, which to his joy seemed to consist of a lot more father and daughter time. Y/N wouldn’t mind having more of that time. Neither would she mind calling wherever the Avengers were as her new home.

Princess Tutu character arcs:

Duck: “I’m just a duck. I can’t do anything.” to “I am just a duck, but I can still do what I can to help. That’s who I truly am, and I have no shame for it.”

Fakir: “I am a knight, and I will protect Mytho by myself by any means necessary.” to “I will lay down my sword and write stories about Duck, and I will give her strength so she can help Mytho in all the ways I can’t.”

Rue: “No matter how unlovable and horrible a wretch I may be, Mytho will be mine.” to “I regret what I did to everyone. But I didn’t deserve what happened to me. I can’t believe Mytho loves me just as I am, and I am so grateful.”

Mytho: “I will sacrifice myself to protect everyone. I will love everyone equally, and give my love to all.” to “I am not pure. I am not perfect. I want to continue to love everything, but I want to love Rue the most.”

I can’t believe I got to meet a woman who “never introduces herself unless strictly necessary because direct introductions dilute her personal branding” and the boy who thinks the word ‘rectangle’ is “pretentious and artsy” and therefore calls them “weird squares” on the same day. Nature is such a rich tapestry

Aura Reading (Post 3): Aura Colors and Practicing on Humans (break Down)(Very Long Post.. WORTH IT)


The Point of this Post is to concentrate on what we can easily see with our eyes… If we let it ;)

Okay so now that you can SEE auras, What do they mean?

FIRST you should learn “Auric Pairs" 

In my last post, you notice that real colors are surrounded with Auras of different colors. These auric colors are not random.

Here is a list of Auric Pairs of colors for all clean colors of the rainbow (monochromatic colors).

red gives turquoise aura, turquoise gives red aura
orange gives blue aura, blue gives orange aura
yellow gives violet aura, violet gives yellow aura
green gives pink aura, pink gives green aura

The above table applies also to intermediate colors, for example yellow-green color gives a pink-violet aura.

Note: The above Auric pairs are DIFFERENT than complementary color pairs, "color wheels” and “color spaces” promoted by the science and Art on Earth. Every child can confirm that auric pairs listed above are true (their eyes have not been trained to “ignore” things the way ours have)

Looking at Nature will show many Auric Pairs. Take any red colored bird and you’ll notice that it will have turquoise body parts too. The same applies to blue/orange, yellow/violet and pink/green combinations, not only in birds, but in fish, butterflies, flowers etc.. - anything which is vividly coloured by Nature.
Occasionally you will see “the next best” color instead of a perfect auric match. Have you noticed that MOST of flowers on Earth that grow on trees and are surrounded by GREEN leaves are either violet, pink(purple) or red? Auric Pairs in Nature are very stimulating, and frequently induce an overwhelming feeling of beauty and happiness. :) Isn’t that beautiful?

You need to memorize and know well the above Auric Pairs.
Why?
Because if you see a pink Aura around someone in a bright green dress, there is a strong possibility that you see the “Aura” of a dress, not of a person.

How to see and READ the AURA: Part 3

External image

Seeing the Aura

This exercise is designed to see Aura for the first time and/or practice seeing Auras. Choosing good conditions is important: not only you see the Aura better, but also to help you be confident about what you see.

  1. Situate the person in front of a very softly illuminated PLAIN WHITE background. (A colored background will change Aura colors, so you need additional knowledge about combining colors. Some combinations of background and Aura colors may cause misinterpretation problems.)
  2. Choose ONE SPOT to look at. The middle of the forehead is VERY GOOD. This is a location of so called Brow Chakra or the Third Eye. In some cultures (India) they put a mark on a forehead. Such a mark in ancient times could mean the invitation to look and see the Aura.
  3. Look at this spot for 30 to 60 seconds or longer
  4. After 30 seconds analyze surroundings with your peripheral vision, while still looking at the same spot. Continuing the concentration is most important. Resist temptation to look around. 
  5. You should see that the background nearby the person is brighter and has a DIFFERENT color than the background further away.
  6. It looks like a sort of “glow” around their Head/Neck/Shoulders
  7. This is your own perception of the Aura. The longer you concentrate, the better you will see it.

Remember, concentration on one spot increases your sensitivity by accumulating the effect of the Aura vibration reaching your eyes.

Taking a “Mental Snapshot” of an Aura.

  1. After concentrating long enough to see the aura, close your eyes.
  2. For a second or two you will see the Aura ONLY. Be prepared.
  3. You have only one second or two until your photosensitive cells will stop vibrating and sending visual sensations to the brain. And if you miss is, you have to start concentrating again.

Try to experiment how fast or slow you should close your eyes.

Observing auras of other people

The best is to look directly at someone’s brow chakra (third eye or wisdom eye, which is located slightly above the nose, between eyes) and try to achieve the state of mind similar to the concentration technique described above for at least 30-60 seconds.

Advanced Readings: You can looking at throat and heart chakras with similar results. However, if you’re concentrating on someone’s chest (especially women lol) it looks prettty creepy. Like REALLY creepy.
When you look into someone’s brow chakra, you can actually continue conversation, without looking like a creeper. Yaaayyyy

Again, VERY softly illuminated background, with no shadows is best. With practice, any EVENLY illuminated background (such as a blue sky for example) will work alright.

———————————————————-

How to see your own Aura

Stand about 1.5 m in front of a good size mirror. In the beginning it is best if the background behind you is plain white and there are no shadows. Illumination should be VERY soft and uniform not bright. Follow instructions above for seeing Auras.

PRACTICE for at least 10-15 minutes each day to increase your sensitivity and develop Auric sight. Remember that practice is required to develop Auric sight.

Auric sight and after-images 

You Just learned how to pay attention to what your eyes are capable of!

Light sensors in our eyes (Red Green and Blue) are vibration sensors which are highly non-linear and they have memory. The consequence of memory is that they can oscillate for up to several seconds after the visual stimulation has been discontinued.

Science Time: This memory of visual stimulation is frequently perceived as Afterimage. Afterimages have a precisely the same shape as original images. Afterimage of an object surrounded by its Aura is larger than the original image. The increase in such afterimage is due to the vibration of an Aura and actually represents a “snapshot” of an Aura. It is VERY IMPORTANT to focus on one spot when watching the Aura and resist temptation to change the point of focus, otherwise an image of the Aura may become confused with the afterimage of an object.
—————————————————————-
Meaning of Aura and its colors

The Aura is a reflection of our True Nature at any given moment. At this point it is perhaps necessary to explain what do I mean by “True Nature” and why some effort is necessary to “discover” it.

Our Society seems to emphasize symbols, stereotypes, habits, manners, superficial behavior, pretending, following others and submitting free will to some “leaders”.
Our “Education” seems to be based on views and expectations of people who try to control the flock.

Our True Nature is what’s left when we recognize and Throw out all of our habits, stereotypes, manners, pretending, and superficial behavior and become fully conscious, truly natural and spontaneous.

Note: Some people are so attached to the way they think and habits that it is very hard, if not impossible, for you to discover who they really are. The only way to get an instant insight into their personality seems to be by watching their Aura, because the Aura shows their True Nature, behind any facade of superficial behavior.

In general, the more colorful, cleaner and brighter the Aura, the better and more spiritually advanced is the person. Also, the more even, or uniform the energy distribution in the Aura, the healthier and more balanced the person is.
——————————————————————————


THE COLORS (Finally, right? Sorry lol)

Our Aura surrounds the entire body, but the interpretation of colors below relates to the Aura around the Head Only.

Advanced Readings: When you learn to see Aura well, you can verify it for yourself, by concentrating on certain thoughts while watching your Aura, or telling people what their thoughts are when you see their Auras. Super Powers? Yes Please.

Usually, people have one or two dominating colors (strong points) in their Aura. These colors (or their Auric pairs) will be most likely their favorite colors.

In addition to dominant colors, the Aura reflects: Thoughts, Feelings and Desires, which appear like “Flashes”, “Clouds” or “Flames”, usually further away from the head.
For example: a flash of orange in the Aura indicates a thought or desire to exercise power and control. Orange as a dominant color is a sign of power and general ability to control people. Quickly changing “flashes” indicate quickly changing thoughts.
————————————————————————
Meanings of (Clean) Colors of the Aura:
(colors of the rainbow, bright, shiny, monochromatic colors):

  • Purple:
  •  indicates spiritual thoughts. Purple is never a strong point in the Aura. It appears only as temporary “clouds” and “flames”, indicating truly spiritual thoughts.

————–

  • Blue:
  • Balanced existence,sustaining life, eased nerve system, transmitting forces and energy. People with blue strong point in their Aura are relaxed, balanced and feel ready to live in a cave and survive. They are born survivors. 
  • Blue thought is a thought about relaxing the nerve system to achieve the balance of the mind or a thought about surviving. 
  • Electric blue can override any other color in the Aura, when the person is receiving and/or transmitting information in a telepathic communication.
  • For example Michel Desmarquet, author of “Thiaoouba Prophecy”, frequently glows with the electric blue during his lectures, especially when he answers questions from the public.

———-

  • Turquoise:
     indicates dynamic quality of being, highly energized personality, capable of projection, influencing other people.
  • People with turquoise strong point in their Aura can do many things simultaneously and are good organizers.

They feel bored when forced to concentrate on one thing.

People love bosses with turquoise Auras, because such bosses explain their goals and influence their team rather than demand executing their commands.

Turquoise thought is a thought about organizing and influencing others.

————–

  • Green: 
    restful, modifying energy, natural healing ability.
    All natural healers should have it. 
  • People with a green strong point in their Auras are natural healers. The stronger the green Aura, the better the healer.

Alternatively, they may also love gardening and usually have a “green thumb”. Anything grows for them!

Being in a presence of a person with a strong and green Aura is a very peaceful and restful experience.

Green thought indicates a restful state and healing.

————

  • Yellow: 
    joy, freedom, non-attachment, freeing or releasing vital forces.
  • People who glow yellow are full of inner joy, very generous and not attached to anything.
  • Yellow halo around the head: high spiritual development. A signature of a spiritual teacher. Do not accept spiritual teachings from anyone who does not have such a yellow halo.

Buddha and Christ had yellow halos extending to their arms. Today it is rare on Earth to find a person with a halo larger than 1 inch.

  • Yellow halo appears as a result of a highly active brow chakra (which can be seen glowing with violet by many people… Auric Pair).

Highly spiritual people stimulate the brow chakra continuously for many years, because they always have intensive spiritual thoughts in their minds.
When this chakra is observed when highly active, a yellow (Auric pair) halo appears around it, surrounding the entire head.

Yellow thought indicates a moment of joy and contentment.

————

  • Orange: 
    uplifting and absorbing. Inspiring. A sign of power. Ability and/or desire to control people.

When orange becomes a strong point, it usually contributes to a yellow halo, which then becomes gold, indicating not only a spiritual teacher, but a powerful spiritual teacher, someone capable of demonstrating his/her unique abilities.

  • Orange thought is a thought about exercising power or a desire to control people.

——————-

  • Red: 
    materialistic thoughts, thoughts about the physical body. Predominantly red Aura indicates materialistically oriented person.

———————

  • Pink (=purple+red): 
    Love (in a spiritual sense). 

To obtain a clean pink, you need to mix the purple (the highest frequency we perceive) with red (the lowest frequency).

  • Pink Aura indicates that the person achieved a perfect balance between spiritual awareness and the material existence.

The most advanced people have not only a yellow halo around the head (a permanent strong point in the Aura) but also a large pink Aura extending further away.

  • The pink color in the Aura is quite rare on Earth and appears only as a temporary thought, never as a strong point in the Aura.

———

Meaning of Dirty colors: 

  • (colors appearing darker than background more like a smoke than a glow)
  • Brown: 
    unsettling, distracting, materialistic, negating spirituality.
  • Gray: 
    dark thoughts, depressing thoughts, unclear intentions, presence of a dark side of personality.
  • Sulfur (color of a mustard):
    pain or lack of ease, anger
  • White:
     serious disease, artificial stimulation (Ex: drugs).
    Why does the white color in the Aura indicate problems?
    White color is like a noise, rather than a set of harmonious tones (monochromatic colors). It is impossible to “tune” the noise to an orchestra playing harmonious music, hence the white Aura indicates a lack of harmony in the body and mind.

Nature, which we are a part of, is harmonious. This harmony comes in discrete vibration “tones” or harmonics, partially described by the modern quantum physics. 

  • Several hours before the death, the Aura becomes white, and greatly increases in intensity. For this reason in most cultures “death” is depicted in WHITE (not black), because in the past, people could actually see a white Aura before death.

It seems that our ancestors knew much more than we are prepared to admit.

————————————————————————-
Amplifying your Aura vibration and bio-energy

Things which can greatly amplify your aura are:

  1. Meditation (purifying your mind from any thoughts)
  2. Concentration exercise (My post with the pictures of the circles with the cross)
  3. Matching your Aura with the environment

———————————————————————–

Welp, That concludes the Lesson! Hope you Guys enjoyed! Happy Aura Reading!

Namaste,

~ApriL

anonymous asked:

What is your take on Lelouch's character? A misguided individual needs to be directed to the 'right/moral' path? Well-meaning yet misunderstood? A narcissistic machiavellian?

Allow me to quote myself from a previous post of mine in which I explain why Lelouch is my favourite character of all time:


Because I love it when characters aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, when characters aren’t afraid to be assholes in order to do what must be done. Lelouch epitomised this “Bastard with a big heart” trope:

A lot of what Lelouch did in the series was horrible, but he deemed them necessary evils, and so he hardened himself and persevered. He truly had nerves of steel, which I greatly admired.

Furthermore, he was physically weak, and so used his intelligence to formulate very calculating methods to deceive and defeat his opponents, all of which were very entertaining to witness.

Lelouch was just such a character, you know? He had such charisma as Zero, he was so caring with Nunnally and Euphemia, he had such a complex relationship with Suzaku and C.C, he highly valued Kallen’s loyalty, he was so conniving towards his enemies and when the situation warranted it, even to his friends, he committed terrible acts but was fully prepared to face the consequences as part of the “Zero Requiem”.

I just don’t think I’ve ever come across a character quite as captivating as Lelouch Vi Britannia :)


So yeah, that’s how I feel about Lelouch ^_^

Love and Love

“I love you,” he says forty-three miles outside of Saskatchewan, but he didn’t mean it that way. Cas had been deep into bite number two of the double bacon extra cheese burger that Dean had bought for him. He had lost enough of his grace now that such meals were more than molecules although not entirely necessary for existence.

Dean smiled at the declaration. Whether it was dedicated to the burger or to him for delivering it hardly mattered. It was Cas speaking from a place of happiness, and how often did he truly get to experience pleasure anymore.

“I love you,” he said when he tossed his body in a heap onto the memory foam mattress that Dean had set up for him in his room back at the bunker. The time on the road had been long this time, and although he did not strictly require sleep, sometimes he enjoyed the simple pleasures of just lying down in his own bed. Dean stood in the doorway and smiled at his back, trenchcoat fanning out around him like wings.

His face was pressed into the pillow, and Dean thought about how nice it was too finally have Cas here in a more permanent way. He had called the bunker home the other day, and something in Dean had warmed at the thought that at least one thing in the universe was finally right.

“I love you,” he said to the shower. Dean heard the declaration past the door as he wandered to his own room. The water pressure was a little slice of heaven. He couldn’t blame Cas for loving it. He paused in mid step, though when he heard the words. He replayed them and imagined them delivered in a different way.

He continued on his path to the bedroom, feeling happy and frustrated in equal measure. He tossed himself on his bed, pulled on his head phones, and drowned his thoughts in hard, fast songs.

“I love you,” he said again, this time to nothing in particular, and Dean had had just about enough of that. He did not know when it had become a problem. He told himself that it shouldn’t matter, but sometimes what one tells themselves in the too quiet night cannot live on in the light of day.

Dean stared at him in the big empty glade, sweat slicked from the heat and the demon kill that brought them there. The heat smelled like the warm pelts of animals. The breeze did nothing to chill them. It merely kicked up puffs of dust to add an extra layer to the skin.

“I love you,” he repeated, still standing there in the heat, angel blade gripped right in his hand. Dean took in the words again, and their surroundings. What was there to love out here? His weapon, for bringing down the demon, his coat for shielding him from the sun, the taste of dust… Dean’s mind swam through the possibilities, until Cas stepped up to him.

“I love you,” this time quiet and close enough to make the words a tangible thing between them. Dean swallowed down a joke that would fuck up the moment. He felt like the universe really really was finally right, like a good meal, a perfect mattress, excellent shower pressure, and Cas staying right here with him. Cas opened his mouth again as if he was going to repeat himself. This time, Dean did not let him.

Size Isn’t Everything 3/4

(Yes it’s 4 chapters now)

Summary: Kurt’s got a bit of a size-kink. Based on this prompt from the @prompt-a-klainefic blog.
Chapter: 2/4  Read Chapter 1 here, Chapter 2 here
Words: ~2745 (this chapter)
Warnings:  I guess? PWP, Size kink,

Many thousand apologies for the long delay in between chapters. Blink and weeks disappear. The final chapter should be up before the end of the week, and thanks for still reading!

forever thanks to @mshoneysucklepink for the beta!

“They’re a Black Sabbath tribute band, Kurt. I think they do country versions of all the songs.” Rachel scrunched her face at him. “I think it’s supposed to be ironic.”

“Rachel, we’re in Brooklyn, of course it’s supposed to be ironic.”

The bar was much more crowded than he had expected, with probably close to 40 or 50 people filling up the small space. The stage was low, but so was the ceiling and the band were already crammed up on the tiny stage when they walked in. He and Rachel bought drinks from the bartender and perched themselves near the rear.

“Are we staying for the whole show?” Kurt asked.

“Come on Kurt, Tina and Santana have been rehearsing for two weeks. We all promised to support each other in our creative pursuits.”

Kurt held his hands up. “I’m here! I’m supporting! But I fully expect you will all be there when my show opens.”

“Of course we will.” Rachel patted him on the shoulder, nodding. “I’m going to text Santana and tell her we’re here. I don’t need her to get all pissed off thinking we didn’t show.”

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Feeling the Fear But Doing It Anyway

Getting Honest With My Life

By: Mod Liz


When I realized that my current position in life wasn’t my destiny, it was a tough pill to swallow. I’d been fighting it for years really – the push and pull of wanting to do more with my talents and abilities, but unable to move forward for one reason or another.

As a girl, I’d always striven for big – the President of the United States, or an award-winning actress depending on the day or time you asked…but there was never a desire to settle. Too much was expected of me. Even more, I wanted more for myself.  

When I read “We” the first time, it left me feeling extremely raw and vulnerable. I remember writing in my journal,

“I fear that the principles will point me in a different direction than the one I’m ‘supposed’ to lead – the one I’m already living, away from my family.”

Of course, I wasn’t talking about divorce or abandoning my children, but whether being a stay-at-home mom was the path I was supposed to be on for the long-term.

Remember that exercise that required us to write down over and over again a niggling voice in our head that shapes how we view ourselves? The goal was to write it so many times that it becomes insignificant, but all it did for me was awaken a fear that I had buried –  that “I have wasted my mind when I capable of so much more.”

I chose to stay at home when my daughter was born.

It’s a decision I have to remind myself of daily. A decision that, some days, I’m happy to have made, but some days, I feel strangles my potential. The more years that go by, the more I feel like the decision is being made *for* me, rather than the other way around.

My book is riddled with these call-outs. At the time, it made me nauseous to think about the truth behind what I was reading, terrified of what it was revealing. In retrospect, I’m extremely grateful for it.

Getting honest with myself was and is the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

And it took a fight with my wife for me to realize it, and admit it out loud.

She’d been sensing it. I’d been pulling away, diving headfirst into outside hobbies (hello fandom) that awakened a talent in me I didn’t know I had, and not only that, but *appreciated* the talent I shared. I was being praised for something I wrote and created, rather than the mundane tasks of my every-day life. She knew that I wanted more, could feel me practically vibrating with it. Venting her frustrations about my pulling away, and the ultimate repercussions it could on our family, it was in her fears that I realized maybe she was right. Maybe this isn’t the life I want.

How can I be truly happy in my life, in my marriage, in motherhood unless I’m truly happy with the choices I’ve made and what I do in my life? Standing in front of the mirror and being happy with the stretch marks that ripple my stomach is only a part of the picture of being true to yourself and being happy with who you are.

There’s a certain shame that accompanies the realization that you aren’t living a life authentic to who you are. As if women aren’t shamed enough with the never-ending battle between the guilt of working mothers, or the judgment towards SAHMs, it’s even worse when you admit that that the path you’ve chosen is no longer the one you want. Jennifer had a similar awakening in herself when she realized she wasn’t living the life she was meant to lead, desiring more to be with her children and engage in other endeavors than work tirelessly in the newsroom day-in and day-out.

Hers was ultimately “burn out”, but mine is the opposite. I don’t think I’ve ever truly “burned” to begin with. Being at home hasn’t burnt me out, but I do feel it’s deadened me in a way, and I know that I can’t continue like this…

Honesty for me meant getting real with what I want from my life. And the truth hurt. It hurt because I knew it was true, but I was afraid to admit it. And while the book also stresses against making any big decisions right away, I can tell you that this has been a long-time coming, and one that needs to be jumped on before I let fear or others’ opinions about it shape my decision. I have the support of my wife, I have the support of my family and friends, and I believe I can do this. That’s all that really matters. The rest is just noise.

So, I’m going back to work. Not right away, though. I was recently accepted into the Paralegal Program at UCSD, and starting this summer, I will be taking courses and ultimately work a career where I can utilize my skills and talents, and fulfill my dreams in a way that is truly fitting to who I am and what I want from my life.

 It won’t be easy, and there’s a certain amount of shifting of my life (and the lives of others) that will be necessary, but being able to be a better role-model for my daughters, a better mother in the long-term, and a better wife is all the more reason to do it. Being a paralegal won’t do those things, but being happy with who I am and what I’m doing will. It’s a ripple effect that can’t be ignored, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a little scared.

But, I’m feeling the fear, and doing it anyway… And I’m also really excited about it.

Over analyzing...?

I don’t mean to offend anyone by saying this, I truly don’t, but do some of you think that we’re truly over-analyzing these books? (as in most sarah j maas books) I mean, I like creating conversation and discussion and going into depth but sometimes I feel like we’re analyzing the controversy over Feyre’s sneeze or something like that.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. And some of these conversations are necessary and essential but some I feel are just pulled out of nowhere. You Know what I mean?

Once again, no offense to anyone. Seriously. I love you all. And please don’t hate I’m smol and I don’t know much about the world

come home // nurseydex

a/n: thank u to everyone who reblogged/commented/responded to in any way my last fic!! it was so nice to read and i’m gonna try to publish scraps of stuff more often. anyways - 4.7k about nursey getting mugged and boys being domestic. 

7:47

Dex gets the call in the middle of a nap and despite seeing the ridiculous shirtless selfie  of Nursey in Ransom’s white Snapback flash across his screen, he answers the call, mumbling a bleary and vaguely frustrated “hello?” into the mouthpiece. If this is another rant about Jeff Bezos, he swears to fucking god–

“Uh… hey, Will.”

Will?

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The Curve: May

May

Lexa hadn’t slept that first night in Clarke’s apartment.  She’d stared into the quiet darkness, the only noise the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears.  Clarke was the daughter of Jacob “Wild Man,” Wechadtowski.  The thought became an infinity loop, as Lexa stared at the sleeping girl curled up against her chest.

Long into the night, Lexa had wracked her brain for a way to broach the subject when morning came, bringing with it the incontrovertible realization that Clarke’s secret was out.  "But why on earth was it a secret?“ Lexa wondered.  A second date being what it was, keeping one’s personal information precious was certainly understandable.  On the other hand, choosing not to mention that one’s father was a major sports icons seemed a rather deliberate subject to avoid.  What was more, despite several opportunities she’d had to bring it up, Clarke had chosen to withhold; going so far as to play coy with Lexa.

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anonymous asked:

hahahahah Cas is dead. You sad? Are you crying? good. That's what you destihellers deserve. Your stupid delusional ship ruined a good character. Thank God he's dead. Did you know most people who watch the show are either happy he's dead, or don't really care? Fact.

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Originally posted by captain-dumbledork

1) Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but I’m not even a Destiel shipper. 

2) Despite that fact, I’m still super sad that Cas is dead.

3) Plus, he’s probably gonna come back. Obviously, I don’t know that for sure, but it’s highly possible. So-

Originally posted by moosamuel

4) I’ve seen plenty of people who’re sad he’s gone.

5) You must be a truly horrible person to waste your time dissing people who love/loved Cas. Like, what’s up with that?

Originally posted by sooper-dee-dooper-natural

Anyway, have a nice day. 

Originally posted by sooper-dee-dooper-natural

(That gif in no way means I’m likening you to Sam. I really don’t think he’d send anon hate.)

[To anyone else who got something like this, just tell the anon to screw off. We get to be sad about Cas being gone. {And Crowley.} Plus, they’re both probably gonna come back.]

Also, all of those gifs were entirely and completely necessary. 

Originally posted by strangersinadarkparadise

anonymous asked:

Do you think you have to like being spanked/ abused to be into ddlg?

Not at all. There is not a single standard that defines what a DD/lg relationship has to include. The only thing necessary is a Dom caregiver, and a Little sub.
Apart from that, DD/lg relationships do not have to include a sub that enjoys being spanked or abused. I’m sure there are Littles that do not like spankings, and for them, spankings are strictly a punishment. As for being abused, if you truly mean non-consensual abuse, no one should be subjected to abuse. If you mean degrading your consenting partner because they enjoy it, that’s a different thing, but once again, not necessary for DD/lg.
It’s all about communication and being with someone that has the same expectations, and understands and respects your boundaries.

Show of hands, how many people did ‘Mindful Education’ hit way too close to home for?

It seemed throughout the series thus far Steven has managed to maintain his innocence, and that itself hasn’t changed. But it also seemed like nothing bothered him- at least not too much. But we’ve been building up to this, and its been a long time coming. 

I think Bismuth was the first time Steven really started to realize that he (and the Crystal Gems) had done some things that were truly morally gray. ‘Us Vs. Them’ was nothing new to him, but it’s different when you’re facing someone that’s one of your own. That didn’t mean the fight wasn’t necessary, but it also doesn’t mean it was any easier to face. 

Jasper was obviously different- she’s been presented as nothing but a villain through the series. But Steven? Given the opportunity he still wants to help, because that’s just who he is. Thing is, you can’t give advise to someone who isn’t ready to listen. It’s not your fault that they aren’t taking the helping hand you’re trying to give, but it still hurts when they don’t. 

Eyeball was a combination of Steven’s most pressing issues (and possibly why she was imagined as the biggest of Stevonnie’s visions). He tried to take the tactic of saying he WAS his mother- not that Eyeball believed him at first. Then she cracks her gem, and lets him help her despite herself. This of course ultimately becomes his undoing. Because Steven managed to heal her gem, she finally believes that he is Rose Quartz and wants him dead. For someone who believes in helping anyone no matter what, and always believes the best in people, this is probably a pretty big blow for him. At the time he was obviously focused on staying alive, which happened to result in sending her spiraling out into endless space. It was necessary, but it was a blow on two fronts: He finally used his mother’s legendary abilities to do what she would have done (heal someone), but ends up doing something that might effectively kill them when things went wrong- which when it comes to light, is also something that she probably would have done.

And it doesn’t sit easy with him. 

Up until this point all Steven ever wanted to do was to be able to fill his mother’s shoes. We already had this:

I’m not Rose Quartz.

But what happens when you discover that the person you’ve been trying so hard to become did things  you would never, not even in your wildest dreams, do? Worse yet: What happens when you do those exact same things?

When you spend too much time trying to be someone else, you start to lose yourself.  Steven feels not only that he has to be Rose Quartz, but that everyone else expects him to be Rose Quartz too. Above all, he just wants to make everyone happy, even if it means sacrificing his own happiness in return. So if that means suppressing everything he’s feeling about what’s happened, that’s what he’s going to try to do. 

And that’s when Rose goes from this:

To this:

You can’t hold all that inside and function long term, you just can’t. 

It’s scary to face the parts of yourself that you don’t like, and even harder to face the things you’ve done that you’re not proud of. But your inner demons are part of you too, and if you don’t face them they will devour you. 

Worse yet they can hurt the people around you and destroy the relationships that keep you whole. If you try to constantly push down the things that are haunting you for the sake of everyone around you, you will only isolate and destroy yourself. 

Garnet Said it best:

To find balance you must understand your feelings. To understand your feelings, you must see them clearly without running from them.

And that is a lesson we could all do to learn.