do you ever just feel….like you’re not here? in both ways, but mentally you’re just spaced out and physically you can’t feel a thing. it’s a weird fucking feeling. i had that this morning when i was walking through the mall and it was like i couldn’t even feel my feet hitting the ground. my eyes were glazed over and looking past everyone, and whenever ppl did make eyecontact wih me i instantly felt like i was being put on the spot. i felt like i was just floating through space even though i did rationally know that if i were to bump into someone, they’d give me a nasty look because watch out, damn it. but i just felt so odd and out of place?? like i was there, but i wasn’t really there, like i might as well have been invisible
I'm watching 11.15 right now and this comment from Dean to Sam "Will you please try not to ruin one of the nicest things dad ever did for us?" really stood out for me. I mean, obviously Dean has always put on a show of "Dad did his best/wasn't totally fucked up/THIS IS FINE" in regards to John and their childhood for Sam, but it's always been pretty clear to me that Sam never actually believed it. How much of that smoke and mirrors is for Dean himself?