i mean this dude is like 36 or 40 years old

Everything Wrong with Netflix's version of Death Note

(This will be step by step while I watch it)

OBVIOUSLY IT CONTAINS SPOILERS This also does not cover the white washing or anything beyond the story/plot of the movie. Obviously the white washing was reason enough to not watch this disaster but my curiosity got the best of me.

1) who is that girl with dark hair? Is that supposed to be misa..:? If so, why does she seem to have no interest in light at the beginning?
2) Light is a little wuss; normally he would be able to talk himself out of every situation or not be involved with the bullying at all.
3) this principle is a huge dick + why the fuck doesn’t he go after the dude that knocked Light’s lights out?
4) holy shit, lights little bitch scream + freak out in detention
5) why are you hitting yourself?
6) ryuk is the green fucking goblin apparently
7) I personally don’t think light would kill a bully, he tends to go after people who are real criminals, not emotionally compromised teens
8) why the fuck would he go right for decapitation?
9) who is going to clean up that classroom?
10) why didn’t he get in trouble if it was that much of a mess?
11) light’s relationship with his dad is bad. In the anime all he cared about besides becoming the world’s new god + getting rid of baddies was his family.
12) Light’s still afraid of Ryuk after the first meeting… even though an apple rolled out of the opposite side of the room he showed up in to make sure that he was introduced (again).
13) Light doesn’t seem to have a sister so far, and his mom is dead. Sure, it gives him motivation to use the Death Note but they haven’t touched upon the real reason (he was bored) which makes him seem more justified. Which isn’t the point of Death Note. Light’s supposed to be morally compromised.
14) his last name is Turner instead of Yagami
15) he fucking had the death note when “Mia” comes to talk to him and he friggin shows her it. What the fuck, why would he do it? He even showed her that he killed that bully. Light never would have done that. Ever.
16) he shows her how it works + fucking kills in front of her!!!!!
17) he actually likes misa instead of being a bag of dicks and showing everyone that he’s a manipulative asshole like he’s supposed to be. We’re not supposed to like this jerk. Although I think I liked him better in the anime compared to this little bitch
18) he hasn’t used the heart attack Death yet, he’s mostly done accidents, which doesn’t fit his MO
19) he fucking outs himself for recognition by making people write in Japanese instead of just keeping quiet and going about his business. Sure, Light has an ego but he wouldn’t want to have people investigating him.
20) L actually goes to a crime scene. He wouldn’t risk that, even if he was wearing a mask.
21) the fuck are those light up sun glasses and why does he ask people to sing a weird ass song for him?
22) Light is out as pro Kira immediately to his dad, making him suspicious. I recall him playing devils advocate and saying that Kira has a point, but that Kira needed to be stopped in the anime.
23) L doesn’t mask his voice on video chat
24) the justice for the wicked website looks like Reddit or four chat. Some shitty, non gothic or scary looking site
25) Light is too emotionally compromised by “Mia”, why the hell is he so enthralled with her?
26) the police chief immediately meets with L in person
27) “please James, have a seat. Rest your glutes.”
29) Light is being creepy with his dad. Immediately asks about L. Tries to spin it light L is Kira instead. Then proceeds to ask what would happen if Kira was caught.
30) Light wears sunglasses at dusk/night
31) “it’s my book” says light, who suddenly turned into a 4-year-old
32) Ryuk kills all the FBI agents. He wouldn’t interfere with Light’s plans or help in any way usually. That, and he keeps telling Light to give the notebook up.
33) Light’s dad went on tv with his name + face. Light basically gives himself away by not killing him. I don’t recall that happening in the anime at all, if I’m wrong please feel free to correct me.
34) idk why but Ryuk’s head looks huge compared to his body.
35) pulling a fork out of a holder makes the same sound as a knife apparently
36) Light had a temper tantrum in front of L for a few seconds and then gives him a creepy face. He basically tells L he’s Kira by submitting to playing “the game”.
37) Watari goes missing to go get L’s name for Light. It tips L off big time.
38) L gets over emotional, goes after Light. light’s dad threatens to kill L. What the fuck?
39) Ryuk isn’t interested in light’s game at all. He just wants to give the notebook to someone else or kill Light.
40) no mention thus far of shinigami eyes
41) Light wears a fucking top hat at one point
42) the Wammy house is abandoned, leaving me to believe that there will be no Near later on in this shit show
43) the homecoming picture scene. Seriously. What the fuck was Light doing?
44) Light leaves his locker open, another dumb picture inside
45) Watari is found in Wammy house, doesn’t tell Light L’s name + is shot by people looking for him (deployed by L) because “Mia” wrote it in the death note. Upside is that she calls Light a pussy.
46) “Mia” reveals that she killed all the FBI agents + is way smarter than Light. She even tries to kill him so she can have the Note book. The reason that I put this on the list is because there’s no way the normal misa was this smart + a bad ass. As far as this Netflix series goes, I’m all for her killing pussy-light.
47) really bad remix of L’s original theme
48) despite trying to kill Light, Mia still warns him about the cops.
49) L can’t drive for shit and almost hits innocent people on the sidewalk while screaming.
50) wow that’s a lot of trash bags in that one ally way
51) L said he didn’t carry guns earlier because they’re distracting. L later points a gun while yelling “Light”.
52) Light isn’t at all like his character in the anime. He never manipulates people to the extent that he was previously able to. He also never befriends L, which probably turned out to be the worst thing for him.
53) Light fucking decides to explain the notebook to L before some dude in an apron beats L with a wooden beam. Said man then says “Lord Kira” and let’s Light go.
54) Light’s last stand is in a Farris wheel
55) Light thinks he can somehow run away from everything when he’s literally stuck in Farris wheel surrounded by cops
56) Light put Mia’s name in the book that said she’ll die if she takes it from him; wrongly predicts that he can convince her not to take it. Ends up being some fucked up farris wheel Romeo and Juliet ending with bad music.
57) mia lands in fucking flowers while Light lands in water even though they fell from the same point
58) L is perfectly fine even though he had his head smacked with a beam hard enough to knock him out
59) the Note that says that Light will die conveniently lands in a burning trash can + that means he still lives. L gets fired or something.
60) Light is in a coma but doesn’t seem to be guarded by police even though it was pretty clear he was Kira. Someone sneaks in and gives him the death note back
61) dad knows he was Kira but doesn’t really do anything
62) inappropriate theme music and inappropriate time
63) some of the above comments are solved through a really shitty explanatory Death Note entry
64) L’s laugh and then immediately sad look
65) it ends with so many questions + really sucky and inappropriate song still playing.

66) neither L or Light really win- Light doesn’t die/ get thrown in jail on screen and L doesn’t die/ catch Light.
jealous | chapter six

pairing: baekhyun x reader x chanyeol

genre: angst, fluff, smut

word count: 1,587

summary: baekhyun is heartbroken after you leave him. he decides to start over and try to get over you by moving into a new apartment building where he meets chanyeol. what he later finds out is that chanyeol has been your boyfriend for the past month.

pov: baekhyun + chanyeol diary entries

rating: whether you’re an underage hard stan or a legal soft stan, reader whatever the hell you wanna read.

↠  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

[21:17] Being friends with the guys. It’s amazing. You know that group of friends that you have that always brighten up your day even if it sucked completley? Yeah. I finally had that.

Area 51 was an amazing group but Minseok was closer to Jongdae and I to Junmyeon. But now, we’re nine guys who chit chat all day and night. It’s weird that we never stay silent on that group.

Chanyeol and I have been… kissing. It’s not really a friends with benefits type thing because we just kiss sometimes. He’s still with y/n and he still loves her. He confuses me so much but I won’t complain. What if I lose him?

I don’t hate y/n. In fact, I still love her a lot. But I also like Chanyeol. So what’s up with all of this?

[13:00] nini__: we should go on a camping trip.
[13:00] bbh1738: you fucking genius i’m down.
[13:01] xing21: yah! when?
[13:01] satansoo: lets do it this weekend.

[13:01] real__pcy: cant. I have plans with y/n.

[13:02] oohsehun: that’s still a thing?

[13:04] nini__: my thoughts exactly^

[13:05] real__pcy: what?? why wouldn’t it be?

[13:05] nini__: ur usually like blah blah y/n blah blah

[13:06] real__pcy: oh.

[13:07] bbh1738: lol good luck sweetie

[13:08] xing21: baek have you ever had a full conversation with y/n?

[13:09] bbh1738: ah loey didnt tell u? i dated her/ for. seven. years.

[13:10] marshmallow: you have the patience of a god baek.

[13:10] nini__: what?????????????????????? seven years?????????? what????

[13:11] oohsehun: yeah… i think it may have slipped his mind…

[13:12] jongdinosaur: she was SOMETHING

[13:13] kjunmyeon: my bet is one more month.

[13:15] real__pcy: its MY job to like her not yours okay? okay


[13:18] kjunmyeon: $20.

[13:20] satansoo: im giving it two more months. youre on.


[13:21] real__pcy: we’re off topic. why are we off topic?? yeah I cant this week

[13:21] oosehun: bring her

[13:22] bbh1738: that seems unnecessary.

[13:23] xing21: HiGHLY unnecessary.

[13:23] satansoo: we don’t know her that well lets invite her

[13:24] nini__: guys, think about it. this could potentially be hilarious.

[13:25] kjunmyeon: he has a point!!

— nini__ added girlinluv —

[13:30] bbh1738: bomb ass username

[13:30] oohsehun: send nudes

[13:30] oohsehun: send nudes

[13:30] nini__: DoEGOPPA NEOUI OPPA

[13:30] jongdinosaur: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO YOU DICK

[13:31] oohsehun: send nudes

[13:32] real__pcy: are you five??????? Sweetie don’t mind them.

[13:32] girlinluv: hahahaha I won’t!

[13:33] bbh1738: oh wow I thought I was ur sweetie.

[13:34] girlinluv: Hey Baekhyun

[13:34] bbh1738: hey love

[13:35] jongdinosaur: I thought I was your love??

[13:35] bbh1738: baby shhhh

[13:36] girlinluv: You like boys now?

[13:36] real__pcy: y/n!! that’s his business

[13:36] girlinlove: True…

[13:38] xing21: lets get back to topic. y/n, jongin was saying how we should take a camping trip buuuuuut chanyeol said he couldn’t go because you two had plans. We love yeol. We want him to come. Do u mind moving ur plans lol theyre ruining the trip

[13:39] marshmallow: What? I thought we were inviting her?

[13:40] real__pcy: YIXING???? THAT’S NOT WHAT WE AGREED ON SAYING??? Baby he’s asking if you want to come. Please?

[13:40] girlinluv: Camping? With a bunch of old dudes?

[13:40] oohsehun: …we’re daddies.

[13:41] bbh1738: …you act like I haven’t changed your diapers.

[13:42] nini__: holy shitttttt lmao tell us everything around the campfire.

[13:43] bbh1738: HAHAHA, sure jongin.

[13:45] satansoo: u guys its time to stfu. So here’s the plan. On Saturday we’re meeting up at baekhyun and chanyeol’s at SIX IN THE MORNING SHARP. make sure to bring a sleeping bag, sleeping pad, pillow, extra blanket,sunscreen, toiletries, soap, flashlight and BATTERIES CAUSE IF YOU BRING A DAMN FLASHLIGHT WITHOUT BATTERIES YOURE GETTING SMACKED. we’ll drive to the wilderness store to get a trap, pad repair kit, maybe a mini stove, first aid kit, A MAP and if anyone has a prescription med bring it cause no ones driving your dying ass to the hospital

[13:50] oosehun: what the fuck

[13:50] real__pcy: I got it!! we’ll make sure to get our shit kungsoo.

[13:51] satansoo: good.

November 8, 2017

[19:00] I’m back from the camping trip to write what happened. On the day of the trip, everyone was at my door on time except y/n. She was keeping everyone from being on time since she couldn’t be bothered to wake up. I couldn’t stand her this weekend because of the annoying things she was constantly doing.

At 7am, she was knocking on our door. “It’s about fucking time, what the hell? It’s going to take us double the time it was supposed to. Have some consideration, Y/N.” Yixing yelled. He wasn’t the angry type so this really must have pissed him off. “I am so sorry, I overslept.” No one really acknowledged her and just walked past her to get to the cars.

”Alright! who wants to come with me?” Jongdae asked. The rest of Area 51 (minus myself) and Kyungsoo walked up to his car and got in, they were on camp supply store duty. After arguing and yelling, I ended up with Chanyeol in his car with the rest of the luggage. Chanyeol had made a mean comment about her being late so she wanted to be with Yixing, Sehun, and Jongin and I didn’t complain. “See you guys at the camp sight.” Sehun grunted, obviously disliking Y/N’s presence.

An hour and forty-five minutes had passed while we were still driving in silence, was he mad at me? Out of nowhere, Chanyeol pulled to the side of the road and turned the car off, “What’s wrong?” I asked him. He looked at me and said, “Are you okay with Y/N here? Please be honest.” he blurted.

I sighed and fiddled with my fingers, “It’s fine, Chanyeol. She’s still my friend, I still love her a lot. But, I think I would’ve enjoyed it more if it was just us guys, you know?”

“Listen, Baekhyun. I want you to listen really fucking carefully. I’m just going to say it. You’re confusing me. You’re whole really-smart-and-really-short-art-critic get up? It drives me fucking nuts. When you were those round glasses with your little barét? That too. The moles on your temple, hand, and ear. Fuck I would do anything to kiss those moles. I’m with Y/N but I have no idea what I want. I want you so so fucking bad, but I also want Y/N. I don’t know what’s going on with me, I-I-” he was in tears.

“Look at me. Chanyeol look at me.” he had burried his face in his hands but was now looking up. I wiped away a tear and leaned into him. “I’m just as confused as you are. I sometimes think I want her back, but then I see your big gorgeous eyes. Those beautiful doe eyes that look straight into mine when we speak. I think about you late at night. It pains me that your hers and not mine.” I said against his lips, holding back my tears.

Before I knew it, his lips were on mine, kissing me harder than he ever has before. He grabbed the collar of my shirt and dragged me towards him and in a few seconds, I was straddling his lap.

“Chanyeol. I wish you could kiss me forever.” I gasped in between kisses. “Me too, baby. This kiss is nothing like the others. This one is meaningful.” he moved down to kiss my neck and I couldn’t help but moan out loud. “Why are you so beautiful?” he moaned, I couldn’t help but giggle.

In a matter of minutes, my shirt and pants were already off and my chest was bruised because of his sucking and biting. “Let’s move to the backseat, Yeol.” and he threw me to the back, crawling to me. He took his shirt off while I layed on the seats. He came closer to trap me in between his arms and moved down to kiss me more. I was already so hard it hurt me. Why was he so good at this?

Moving down, kissing my body, he reached my waistband. He looked up at me for confirmation and I nodded, giving him the go ahead.

He took off my boxers, freeing me from the constriction. I let out a moan and he grabbed me. His hands began going up and down, making me feel good. His eyes were on mine and it was so sexy. I felt his tongue touch my tip and couldn’t help but gasp. He began licking me and bobbing his head up and down. He was so good. Better than anyone I had ever had before. He sunk his head down until my entire length was in his mouth before releasing. A trail of spit from his mouth was still attached to my cock and it was the sexiest view ever.

After giving me a few more licks, I had to cum. “Wh-where do I-” I managed to say before he cut me off, “In my mouth baby, always in my mouth.” I released into his mouth before he swallowed my entire load.

“Let me return the favor.” I said, getting up. “Babe, this wasn’t a favor. I wanted this. Now get back in your clothes. They’re going to wonder where we are. Try not to think about anything too much. There’s always time to talk after our little vacation.”

I’m out of breath writing this. I’ll finish soon.

A/N; I’m sorry this is so short!!

Tipsy Review by request {TVD 1x28 nope, 1x18}

1.       Legit though I think the DE thing would’ve worked better if they just made Elena a sociopath.  

2.       Also who gives a shit about DE right now when Stefan is doing fucking pull ups, omg those ARMS though.

3.       And now push ups. Omg.

4.       “I haven’t hunted a human in way too long” but Damon, you kill them for sport. Shut the fuck up.

5.       Guys, guys, I don’t think you appreciate Stefan’s arms in this episode. But like why is he in a wifebeat though? Why can’t he just be topless. They did this on purpose and it’s mean.

6.       Tispy Zal is a little thirsty. I recognize that.

7.       You know in 1x19 Damon is all like I’m glad Stefan fed because he’s finally accepting who he is but I legit just think Damon liked having the moral high ground.

8.       Jeremy cut your hair. Why do we wait an entire season for this to happen?

9.       Oh Bonnie returns this episode. Finally.

10.   Elena, when Matt tells you his mom was about to strangle Caroline if she cooked more lasagne, this is when you, as a friend, say that Caroline is just trying to show empathy the only way she knows how, not just go “ah.”

11.   I like how everyone in the council paints John as an extremist and a jackass when he’s the only on who is actually on task.

12.   “Why does she hate you?” “We used to sleep together.” Legit, TVD, what fucking uncle says that to his nephew? Like.

13.   I fucking love that Elena rubs Stefan’s shoulders when she asks how he’s doing.

14.   And the way Stefan says “I missed you too.” Paul does this thing with Stefan where it starts off lighthearted and then he subtly gets more intense and gives Elena that stare (and I had an entire gifset on that stare) and suddenly Elena is on her back.

15.   “Ah just like I remembered.” “Stop messing around.” Elena, would you not be like um, excuse me? When were you were?

16.   I meant here. When you were here. No. When were you here. Lol. You guys asked for a tipsy review, I’m just saying.

17.   Damon, legit stop rifling through a teen girl’s underwear drawer.

18.   I remember everyone saying how much tension there was between Damon and Elena in this scene and it’s literally Damon invading Elena’s space and Elena shrinking backwards and trying to talk about Stefan without being derailed.

19.   Also Elena and Damon have a conversation about how deep down Stefan is like Damon or has a Damon in him because he’s a vampire so yet again, it’s proof that Elena is more like Stefan as a vampire because she has the exact same conversation with Damon about her nature. If Damon is literally justsupposed to be representative of vampirism personified — I somehow think that was redundant but whatever — if he’s essentially all of the base parts of vampirism period then it’s not unique if Elena can relate to him when it comes to the base parts of her vampirism because he’s that representative for everyone.

20.   Jesus, I hope that made sense.

21.   Hey, see how Stefan is spiralling out of control? Maybe he should call Lexi to help him through it. Oh that’s right he can’t because Damon was an asshole and killed her. On his birthday. An eternity of misery, dude took that oath to heart.

22.   Omg only 13 minutes have gone by, I should stop talking.

23.   Or writing.

24.   This is all gibberish anyway.

25.   I like Elena’s jacket when she’s taking that walk with Jeremy.

26.   Lol Stefan stole that drink like a boss.

27.   Tyler  and Matt, walking from one side of the room to the other side with a bottle doesn’t make you invisible, at least go to a different  room.

28.   No one notices that a 17 year old boy (Stefan) is just drinking?

29.   Stefan, honey, I love you, I love how you dance with Elena but what are you doing with Kelly? You’re dancing like a grandpa.

30.   “Do you know what your brother’s been up to?” “I’ve been too preoccupied with yours.” Damon and Elena talk like in-laws.

31.   Why would John tell Damon he knows Damon is a vampire? Why not just kill Damon?

32.   What’sherface, Kelly, that actress, Miranda something? I think? Either way, she’s always the same person in everything I’ve seen her in. Kelly is basically Julie Cooper from The OC and even in Entourage when she plays a version of herself she’s another version of Julie Cooper, so I have to wonder, is she JUST Julie Cooper? Like is that who she is?

33.   Kelly, Tyler just spoke about how he was a trash boyfriend to your dead daughter so you take that as an opportunity to kiss him? Girl, I know you’re a mess but do you have to be that much of a mess?

34.   Although I do like the line “It’s like I don’t deserve to miss her.”

35.   “I don’t have anyone to talk to.” “I don’t have anyone to talk to either.” Lol, both of you legit have Matt, stop playing.

36.   Also Tyler and Kelly making out in PUBLIC and NO ONE is scandalized that the mother of the dead girl is making out with the dead girl’s boyfriend? FUCKING DETAILS, TVD.

37.   Also Tyler legit made out with Matt’s mom and then choked Matt. Like he’s a TRASH friend.

38.   I get that his werewolf gene agitates his aggression and I’m on board with that and they do a good job of them being like YO, TYLER, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU but Tyler is also just a dick in season 1 so the combination is thoroughly unfavourable.

39.   I think I might be sobering up a little. Maybe.

40.   LOL I love how Damon is like “Do you wanna hear about how I killed Uncle John Gilbert?” and the way Stefan says, “What?” Paul plays drunk subtly but it’s done very well.

41.   It’s interesting, I like Matt and Stefan as friends (even though nothing comes from it) but it would’ve been cool for Tyler and Stefan to sort of bond this season too over Tyler having rage he can’t control and Stefan having a monster in him that he tries so hard to control. I dunno

42.   What is it about John that he can just show up and be a part of the council like nothing, go to the founder’s party and ring that bell? Like why is he heralded? It can’t just be because he’s a Gilbert.

43.   Here is the thing, the show is making it seem like it’s such a huge deal that John knew Isobel who is Elena’s birth mother who is Alaric’s ex-wife but, like, so what? He knows that vampires exist simply by being in the council, so why would it matter at this point in time that he would know Isobel? LIKE WHO CARES?

44.   It also makes no sense that Alaric would team up with Damon to kill John. Alaric, are you not also a hunter? Should you not be a part of the council? Your sudden allegiance to Damon makes literally no sense.

45.   I do kind of love that Stefan shows up to Elena’s house to let her know what’s going on with him instead of just trying to shrug it off alone because they rely on one another now J

46.   And when he hugs her. “I love you so much.” Man, I feel that shit in my BONES. And the way Elena hugs him, like trying her best to take away all of his doubt and agitation. That earnestness, man.

47.   Seriously, if Damon’s endgame was to apparently get Stefan to face his true nature and help him then he would’ve said it by now instead of continuously tempting him to drink blood by leaving glasses around the room and walking away, it’s a fucking power play.

48. Bonnie did not return this episode. That was 121. Ugh.

OK! I am DONE J Hope you enjoyed my semi-coherent review!

Christmas Movie Edition: Love Actually

This is it, people. It’s the day after Christmas, I’ve consumed more white wine in the past two days than the entire cast of Real Housewives of Orange County did all of last season and now I’ve been smacked by a soul-sucking stomach virus as retribution. So there’s only one thing left to do—take on the Mount Everest of Christmas movies. Oh yes, I’m talking about LOVE. FUCKING. ACTUALLY. Gird your loins.

00:00:37 Crikey, I always forget about the 9/11 airport angle they tried to shoehorn into this shit. Nobody looks that happy at the airport, NOBODY. I step foot into LaGuardia and instantly morph into a gremlin after midnight.

00:02:44 “Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!” Billy Mack is what my insides look and sound like.  

00:06:21 Drinking game: Take a shot every time you see a hideous turtleneck, sweater vest or any other form of aggressively patterned topwear.

00:07:14 DRINK, BITCHES. Also, Chiwetel Egiofor, you are a Commander of the Order of the British Empire—just say no to magenta on your goddamn wedding day.

However, fabulous lady behind you in the feathery magenta hat? YOU. BETTA. WERK.

00:08:30 “Anything to put off actually running a country.” Too real, Hugh Grant, too real.

00:10:04 Chiwetel Magentiofor is marrying Keira Knightley, who’s dressed like a glamorous chicken, so obviously these two are made for each other.

00:10:27 FOR GOD SAKES, LAURA LINNEY. You are a four-time Emmy-winning, three-time Tony-nominated, THREE-TIME OSCAR-NOMINATED WHIRLWIND OF TALENT. Who let you wear this crochet foreskin on your head to a wedding? WHO?

00:11:22 “Oh, pardon me, sorry about that, just have to shove my trombone under the church pew.” I hate everyone at this wedding.

00:12:23 Keira Knightley is mainlining champagne at her own wedding reception which, if I had a full cockatoo nesting in my updo, I would be, too.

00:13:46 “Colin, you’re a lonely, ugly asshole. And you must accept it.” Tony knows what’s up.

00:16:25 I know this is supposed to be a funeral and all but is there no indoor heat in the U.K.? Why is everyone and their mother dressed like they’re trudging through the tundra?  

00:16:41 Cue Natasha Richardson-related tears here.

00:18:17 Cue Alan Rickman-related tears here. Genuinely terrified of the day when everyone I know and love from Love Actually will have passed. Except for that fuckturd Colin. He can leave this earth at any time.

00:18:42 Double sweater-vest horror for the price of one. Drink and then drink again.  

00:19:28 Side drinking game: take a shot for every HR violation in this movie. GOODBYE LIVER, GOODBYE WORLD. 

00:22:24 Ok, so sometimes I’m Billy Mack but all the time, I’m his fat manager.

00:24:01 We’re just going to have to set up an IV of Hennessy for the entirety of the Prime Minister Hugh Grant/Not-Really-Fat-At-All Natalie subplot. Also anything involving that turtleneck trollop, Mia.

00:28:04 “No one’s ever going to shag you if you cry all the time.” Literally years of one-on-one sessions and NOT ONE therapist has ever summed up my life problems as succinctly as Emma Thompson just did.  

00:30:30 Laura Linney, I’m docking an Emmy for every godforsaken butterfly clip pinned to your already hideous sweater. I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND.  

00:33:20 We’re discussing Non-Fat Natalie’s non-fat thighs whilst in the Prime Minister’s office. You know what to do.

00:35:16 Me

00:36:40 Kentucky Fried Keira might be wearing one of those wildlife-killing plastic soda rings around her neck. Sartorially offensive and environmentally irresponsible. 

00:36:55 Professor Snape just smacked Sad Laura Linney in the workplace but she is wearing a sweater that looks like it’s knitted from the stomach spew of a drunkard, so she 100% deserves it.

00:37:33 The Turtleneck Trollop is trying to seduce Professor Snape in this getup. Girl, it literally looks like you wrapped your English muffin in origami. DO LESS.

00:39:19 Oh for fuck’s sake, I totally forgot about that “Mr. Darcy boinks the Portuguese help” subplot. Can anyone be employed in this fudging movie without penetrating their coworkers? Anyone?! NOT EVEN THE FUCKING PRESIDENT CAN KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS.

00:44:42 The Prime Minister just basically launched WWIII because he wants Non-Fat Natalie’s non-fat thighs all to himself. Sadly, this doesn’t seem all that far-fetched considering our current batshit political climate.

00:46:47 I’m not saying I’ve recreated this exact dance in my underpants whilst alone in my apartment but I am saying it’s happened a couple thousand times.  

00:49:03 I’m going to need an entire dissertation paper on why the Portuguese help had to disrobe down to her underpants but Colin Firth got to keep on THREE LAYERS OF SHIRTS when they go into the lake for his dump typewritten pages. I want that shit APA style and with full citations and multiple sections dedicated to the Mr. Darcy wet-shirt scene from Pride and Prejudice, you hear me? Also, you should be chugging alcohol straight from a garbage can based on the HR violations in this scene alone.  

00:53:11 “I know you’ve never particularly warmed to me.” Well, Kentucky Fried Keira, that might be because you insist upon dressing like the homeless pigeon lady from Home Alone 2.

00:58:02 THIS BITCH. We all know that this bitch just wants to have her own private audience with the Prime Minister’s prime minister and that’s why she’s size-shaming Non-Fat Natalie’s non-fat thighs. If we’re gonna get real, girl, Chris Kirkpatrick had your hairstyle for most of the ’90s and it ain’t doing you no favors, either.

01:03:21 Now, we can all agree that Thomas Brodie-Sangster was one of the cutest children to ever walk the planet, but we’ve got to talk about the hair height on this poor child. Exactly how many foreheads does he actually have under there?

01:04:12 FOUR FLOWER BROOCHES? That’s it, Laura Lonely, I’m taking away your Golden Globes, too.

01:05:37 The Turtleneck Trollop is wearing devil horns to the office Christmas party. At least you can’t accuse her of subtlety.

01:10:10 Laura Lonely is trying to get all up on her co-worker Karl because he looks like he stars in the porn parody of Aladdin but she keeps getting clam-jammed by her unwell brother and it’s just like CAN SOMEONE CUT LAURA LINNEY A GODDAMN BREAK IN THIS MOVIE? She had to go topless for this bullshit and is constantly covered in hideous brooches and FOR WHAT? Not even a little jammin’ of the clammin’ from real-life Aladdin? FOR SHAME.

01:18:05 The Turtleneck Trollop coerced Professor Snape into buying her jewelry without even serving up her English muffin to him yet. She’s a grade-A slutbag but you gotta admit, she’s masterful. Also, if I were on the brink of breaking up a marriage and ruining a family, it would have to be for something that doesn’t look a gold nugget that’s been pooped out and put on a string.

01:20:04 Listen to me: I adore Alan Rickman and mourn his passing on a near-daily basis but the way he says “yogurt” has haunted me for fifteen fucking years and now even more so because I’ve discovered AN ENTIRE SONG OF IT.

01:25:25 Know how you know Colin’s is the worst subplot of Love Actually? It’s soundtracked to not only “Smooth” but also “Wherever You Will Go.” It goes without saying but we’ll be skipping his scenes from here on out.

01:29:39 Try to argue that Emma Thompson didn’t deserve an Oscar nomination for these three minutes of exceptional acting alone. YOU CAN’T.

01:32:34 This woman only had one scene and she and her overacting eyebrow were going to make it COUNT.

01:34:43 I yell out “I HATE UNCLE JAMIE” at least twice a week, for no reason at all. I wish I was kidding.

01:36:36 The last we see of Laura Lonely, she’s hugging her brother which, okay, cute, but we both know you’d rather be hugging that beautifully tanned Aladdin dick. WE BOTH KNOW IT.

01:37:59 Okay, so we’re at the scene. And I have SO MANY QUESTIONS. Firstly, how did Rick Grimes know that Kentucky Fried Keira was going to answer the door and not Chiwetel Magentiofor? What was the back-up plan, with you standing there with a boom box and notecards declaring your undying love for his wife? What if KFK didn’t play along with the carol singers bit? MANY QUESTIONS, NO ANSWERS. But, real talk, if a dude looking like Andrew Lincoln showed up to my door with all of this fuckery, I would relocate myself into that perfect little chin dimple of his and never come back out, bye.

01:41:10 I am 100% behind this old-man ship between Billy Mack and his fat manager. Which I think also means that I ship myself, er, with myself. Sounds about right.

01:42:12 That earth-shaking screech you just heard was my soul leaving its earthly form due to the fact that a movie about Christmas SPELLED FUCKING CHRISTMAS WRONG.

01:43:41 Why didn’t the Prime Minister just take the goddamn envelope with Non-Fat Natalie’s return address on it for when he searched for her apartment? I’m legitimately getting a migraine from trying to make this movie make any sense.

01:52:09 Yes, the performing kids are adorable but the sparkly scarf-wearing, obviously-gay back-up singing teacher is the real winner of the Christmas talent show. 

02:01:25 What is this half-yarmulke that Mini Mariah is wearing to the airport? Also, Five-Head Tommy wouldn’t be able to catch Mini Mariah in time because Heathrow is the seventh circle of hell and also when the guards do catch him, he 100% would be interrogated in the tiny terrorism room because of 9/11 but no, racial profiling and ARGAPSGAIHATGAEIS.

02:04:46 Mr. Darcy is proposing to his Portuguese help even though he doesn’t know her and only spent a few weeks talking at her but she has a cute little lower back tattoo and that’s all he needs to know! Also, I love Colin Firth as an actor but his on-screen kisses look like those adult virgin couples smooching for the first time at their wedding. What is your hand doing? 

02:09:31 And now we’re back at the airport and all of the subplots have woven together unrealistically and everyone’s hugging and not miserable and I STILL HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. Like how are Kentucky Fried Keira and Rick Grimes going to hang out with Chiwetel Magentiofor like nothing happened? Does he ever find out? Does the weight of their collective lie ruin their beautiful biracial marriage? Also, does Emma Thompson go crazy from resentment over Professor Snape cheating on her and kill him in a rage soundtracked to Joni Mitchell? And how does Non-Fat Natalie handle the public pressure of dating the Prime Minister? And does she use her vag power to have him fire Chris Kirkpatrick who shamed her non-fat thighs? AND WHERE THE FUCK DID LAURA LINNEY GO? Someone send me Pepto-Bismol and a new brain, please and thank you. 

1. Do your parents ever encourage you to hang out with people that you don’t like?
Not really, no.

2. Would you think it was odd if someone got fabric paint to decorate their underwear?
You do you?

3. Do you ever stalk old friends?
I wouldn’t call it stalk. Facebook is there to be looked at :P

4. What year was your worst school picture taken?

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Egos, trips and tributes: 2015 BET AWARDS REVIEW

1.       Dej Loaf looks good. I just wanted to acknowledge that. I don’t know what I was expecting from “Try Me”, but it’s not what I got. Her, her new management, and brother fought her old manager…she was suppose to perform. smh

Originally posted by urbanrealism

2.       Kendrick’s performance was really dope

Originally posted by northgang

3.       Mama Minaj was on stage like “What do I do now? Do I stand like this? No…How about this? No…ok…me stand like this”  

Originally posted by liquidifikador

4.       Sanah’s wig was a mess. Yea, I notice stuff like that. You mad? LOL

Originally posted by realitytvgifs

Originally posted by paultoes

5.       Haven’t we done the “Woe is me, my husband isn’t paying attention to me, so I date the psycho” movie enough?

6.       Janelle…I love her. I was waiting on the haters..It’s called evolution…It’s called empowerment

Originally posted by ofnothingspecific

7.       I’m a classic man

Originally posted by jrbatista

8.       MeeK Mills gets his polos from Marshall’s…I’m convinced. Nothing wrong with that. But he always looks like he has on the newest Beverly Hills Polo gear.

Originally posted by lupus-caterva

9.       The game…awkward moment indeed. No more (Random moment from show)…I haven’t watched The Game since that chick Eggs was on there.

10.   Chris broan and Tyga…Illum….nevermind…show Rihanna’s face

11.   Why can’t you sing with your backup track???!

Originally posted by elittlejoia

12.   Everyone is waiting on jhene aiko…and she never showed up

Originally posted by fuckyeahjhene

13.   I just want Omarion to do “Touch” right now…that was my jam

14.   They show Rihanna on Jhene’s part…petty

Originally posted by 711vevo

15.   They wanna be illuminati so bad…smh

16.   Who thought it was a good idea to make a new colonel sanders? Let’s make a new Walt Disney and see how that goes

17.   The Weeknd and this five finger hand hair…but people fail to realize that he is an International star. Dude is getting paid. 50 Shades of Grey and Arian Grande pretty much locked dude in for a ton of checks that will flow for a lifetime and there after…but one thing is for sure…Abel ain’t worried about us.

Originally posted by unclergrouncl

18.   I’m a huge fan of the weeknd…I just play his music at home and just let my emotions run…usually ……wait….is he saying the f word?!

19.   Alicia messed the song up…Gotta take it off the “Timmy take down” list

Originally posted by helterrsk3lter

20.   Kelly Rowland…lawd

21.   When Kelly messed up Destiny’s Childs’ name lol

22.   Uncle Charlie..That guy is awesome

23.   What you thought?!

24.   Anthony Anderson as Sam Smith…funny

25.   “Arriving, but definitely not coming (You know what they mean)”…what?! This is the tagline for your new show, TVOne. Born Again Virgin? OK…smh

26.   When Donnie McClurkin walked on stage, the internet did this…

Originally posted by tygerbug

27.   Folks out here acting like Tori Kelly is on amateur night at the Apollo. The girl is sangin’

28.   Ugh, robin. Stop looking like you haven’t washed your man parts…get up and move on.

29.   Keyshia cole- People have been making “She selling fish plates outside the awards show” jokes for years and this was your moment. And what did you do? Let us all know that you no longer have a record deal. Not only did you walk out looking like an Instagram bundles boutique, you did it in a way that on you could. Kudos? Does that deserve a Kudos? I don’t know. I mean…It’s Keyshia.

30.   Janet Janet tribute- Ok, for years, I have said that Ciara would do well with a “Pleasure Principle” cover…along with a full reenactment of the video. Maybe, that would be good for her “Career”. *shrug* Just always been something I thought. So what does BET do? They present Janet with a “Comeback Plug” award and finds artists/dancers that haven’t had hits or haven’t had a hit since “Body Party”….THEN…THEN…ON TOP OF IT ALL…You have Tinashe gives us a middle school recital version of “Pleasure Principle”…and I was like…

Originally posted by utterlywrong

Then Jason Defoolo came out…and I was like…

Originally posted by reactionswithgifs

Then Ciara came out….and I was like…

Originally posted by fiercegifs

Very unclean dancing…It looked like they practiced this Friday…and that was it. Then you have the offspring from the “That’s the way that love goes” video slide around to the new track…man…I was done. Janet looks good though.

Originally posted by so-meticulous

31.   What was this award for? Nicki…come on, babe. Even if you didn’t know, you could have turned around and looked. That was a little tacky to me.

Originally posted by entertainmentweekly

32.   Rihanna-You know, she actually made the show a little more interesting. But I could have done without the 1 minute trailer. Sorry, babe. I had to say it.

Originally posted by fuckyeahrihanna

33.   Tracee and Anthony did a good job.

34.   Smokey Robinson will always like that bachelor uncle that has all the H*** to me. I loved his speech.

35.   Did I talk about K.Michelle and Tamar? No? I didn’t? Ok. It was on purpose.

Originally posted by securelyinsecure

36.   Ladies, where is the book that said “Men love booties that make you look like a toddler with a messy diaper on”?

37.   Some people just don’t sing well live 

Originally posted by getyourlifeheaux

Originally posted by empireenterprises

Originally posted by pennylessproud

38.   YOU DON’T SING AN EPIC SONG IF YOU AND/OR YOUR VOICE ISN’T JUST AS EPIC. I ALMOST THREW MY IPAD AT THE TV WHEN “If only you knew” started. I was thinking, “Patti better come out here and save the day”. Patti stepped out there like…

Originally posted by ahorrorstorycircle

39.   The Bad Boy Tribute had me in my feelings…

Originally posted by iwanttodie98

it was great. Diddy is getting old…clearly…and that fall was epic…but let’s address the Lawsuit elephant in the room. Where was Da Band? Danity Kane? Day 26? Carl Thomas? Mario Winans? Hell, Cheri Dennis?! Where were they? Craig Mac!!! Bruh!!! Like…how could you have tribute without them? Diddy didn’t want to pay for Megabus transfers?! I’m so lost.

Originally posted by gasp0ne

Originally posted by areu-fucking-kiddingme

40.   Fetty Wap ended the show. You know, I can respect him. “Trap Queen” is not the ideal love song, but she’s helping him commit a felony, so he treats her well. Plus, he had a pretty dope post about marriage equality so we definitely see eye to…eye. Sigh…that was petty. Wasn’t it?

Originally posted by youhadmeathelloboys

HONORABLE DIDN’T WANT TO MENTION GOES TO BOBBY VALENTINO for his new role as the Fierce Ranger in Hedwig and the Angry Itch. Bruh really came out the house looking like he was going to an all-white party in Atlanta…Comic-Con Power Rangers table…a dance battle in Dubai….looking like one of the Jacksons…bruh doesn’t have friends.

Until next time…

Originally posted by fiercegifs


The 60 Albums Every Pop Punk Fan Should Have

New Found Glory said it best: Pop Punk’s Not Dead. It’s more alive than ever, and while the genre might not be getting as much radio or screen time as it did in the early 2000s, it’s probably the fastest growing genre of the alternative scene. What I have here are the 60 albums that I think every pop punk fan, new or old, needs to have in their music repertoire. The albums that I’ve included come from all aspects of the genre, from the 1990s all the way up to albums that have been released within the past year, bands that are international superstars, to bands you might not have ever heard of. This list is in no particular order. So, if you’re ready, click Read More, and have your iTunes gift card handy! 

Keep reading

Fic: Orphan Blog (Chapter 13)

Written by Devon soccercopping and Aimee tatianathevampireslayer

Main Ships: Cophine and Soccercop

Rating: T

Word Count1264

Chapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7,Chapter 8Chapter 9Chapter 10,Chapter 11, Chapter 12

Alison read Beth’s message over and thought briefly about her response before typing it out.

Keep reading

My Thoughts Watching Her Handsome Hero...


2. I really am just making tea kettle screams at my screen.



5. So she’s judging Gaston already by his reputation. But then he meets her, makes her smile and her head is all over the place. I guess she learns not to judge a book by its cover by the end of this.

6. Wait, Ruby is in this?


8. Who wants to guess that’s Dorothy coming to the underworld? Probably so she can chaperone Toto, who actually will save the day…

9. Hook: criticizing Regina’s work. Me: Angry face.

10. Regina explained to him in an irritated tone, rather than some sass. Eurgh.

11. Seriously. Why no sass?

12. Wait. So everyone else’s actually kinda smart plans get Hook’s disapproval, but when Emma has a vague idea of a plan based on a dream, of course she’s on the right track. Eurgh. Still, I suppose he’s being nice to her?

13. Nope. Emma’s plan is totally going to fail and Mary-Margaret Snow is going to end up god knows where.

14. Hades Stalker. Still a better love story than Twilight.

15. DUDE. STOP WITH THE ORGASM FACES. Even though that was more of a sad, disappointed face. You just make it look like you had sad, unappealing sex. Stop. Please.

16. Sees a flower, has an orgasm. Seriously.

17. Seeing Gaston working in an animal shelter does something fluttery to my insides. Not like a ‘omg he’s actually really cute’ but more of a ‘hahaha, stay where you are jerk face. Rumple has your Belle’…

18. If Gaston is jerk face, I’m afraid Hades has just become jerk-off face in my head… I apologize for this.

19. Proof that Hades isn’t so smart– he should have picked all those flowers and given them to Zelena. 

20. Every time his hair turns blue I die a little inside.

21. When did Rumple go back on a deal with Hades?


23. Side Note: Getting a HP quote in this early in the day gives me a great sense of achievement. 

24. Belle, saying exactly what I just thought. Brownie point for Belle. He sounds like a tinder match. Initially seems nice and then opens his mouth…

25. Gaston’s Guide To Making A Good Impression: Ply girl with compliments. Blame friend for bad reputation. Pretend love life is terrible to gain pity. Tell girl she’s exactly what you’re looking for. Just when you’re getting somewhere, run off after wild creature and leave girl alone on path with wild creature loose. If something should happen to her, or if she declines your advances following these steps, rinse and repeat.

26. She’s so smol.

27. I’ve never been on a hunt before, but pretty sure Belle is doing it wrong?

28. Yay. Nice Belle.

29. Let’s predict right here that jerk face will give baby ogre to Belle’s father, even though she doesn’t want to?

30. When they’re on good terms and not arguing, this is clearly a date scenario for Rumbelle. 

31. Did he kill you? Or did he just make you smell a little nicer?

32. Rumple sass. If it wasn’t morning, I would invent a drinking game that required everyone to drink whenever there is sass on this show. Double points if it comes from Rumple, Regina or Henry. 

33. In fairness, her reaction here is kinda justified.

34. Rumple’s reasoning tho: It was an arranged marriage. I was doing you a favor.

35. Belle refuses to let Rumple do dark magic to get rid of Gaston. Let’s see how wrong this gets.

36. Dreams do come true?

37. If someone gave me coffee, Zelena I would agree too.

38. I’m not sure what Regina expected here. Zelena just admitted she loves Hades, so Regina asks what his weakness is so they can all defeat him? 

39. Rumple looking exasperated. I for one, actually agree.


41. Ouch, Rumple logic. It hurts.

42. Can I just say though, that instead of seeming separate from each other, Rumbelle has just become the old, grouchy married couple I one day envisioned.

43. Rumple looks so sad here. It’s like he’s lost Belle :/

44. Gaston A.K.A the fairy-tale fuckboi.

45. I’m glad your reflexes turned out better than your sense of style. I’ll be right back, as soon as I’ve stopped choking with laughter.

46. I don’t have any issues. Understatement of the century.


48. Gaston is not the sharpest tool in the shed is he? 



51. Cue incoherent screaming.

52. Gaston: You broke into my locker. Dude, you just tried to murder her husband. You are so far beneath the moral high ground that the sea monsters might get you.

53. Belle, you sweet sometimes naive woman.

54. You made me weak. Typical fuckboi.

55. Slightly disappointed that she didn’t tell Gaston she loves Rumple, but husband works well enough…

56. Woman suggests not just murdering the baby ogre after what is a suspicious escape. Men roll their eyes and joke about how she gets her cute little optimism from her mother. Barf bag please?

57. Such cute moment. Such trust. Such Rumple lie.

58. I love these two. BUT WHY ALL THE ANGST?

59. Belle, ignoring jerks since whatever year this is meant to be.

60. Unless of course, you’re me. Can we please have a Rumple cheer squad on this show every time he says something amusing?




64. Least favorite Rumbelle kiss.

65. I’m so torn right now. On the one hand YEEEESSS BELLE. CONGRATS ON YOUR MURDER. And on the other hand:  PUT DOWN THE FUCKING DAGGER BELLE.

66. Please note I used no bad language at all in last week’s thoughts. Rumbelle brings out the darkness in everyone it seems.

67. Aww, but Rumple looking terrified for his wife because he knows how upset she’ll be.

68. Some serious manipulation right there, heaped on top of sooo much sexism. Woman can become hero, by marrying jerk. Not that I’m complaining about the show, because this is pretty standard in history.


70. Rumple is always kind to her, even when he’s not happy with her. THIS IS TRUE LOVE.

71. Jerk-off face come to ruin the day. They were just about to celebrate the demise of Gaston with some sex.

72. Does this mean Rumbelle are back together [I know they were earlier, but on a less arguey footing?] DOES THIS MEAN THEY’RE BACK TOGETHER?

73. Erm, what is Ruby doing in the underworld?

74. Oh, of course. They needed an LGBT plot so they decided that Ruby and Dorothy would get into the underworld via hurricane express and there’s likely to be an episode about it next week. Which will, in all eventuality, have no actual link to the plot. Because all Ruby episodes are apparently spin-offs :/