i mean this dude is like 36 or 40 years old

Christmas Movie Edition: Love Actually

This is it, people. It’s the day after Christmas, I’ve consumed more white wine in the past two days than the entire cast of Real Housewives of Orange County did all of last season and now I’ve been smacked by a soul-sucking stomach virus as retribution. So there’s only one thing left to do—take on the Mount Everest of Christmas movies. Oh yes, I’m talking about LOVE. FUCKING. ACTUALLY. Gird your loins.

00:00:37 Crikey, I always forget about the 9/11 airport angle they tried to shoehorn into this shit. Nobody looks that happy at the airport, NOBODY. I step foot into LaGuardia and instantly morph into a gremlin after midnight.

00:02:44 “Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!” Billy Mack is what my insides look and sound like.  

00:06:21 Drinking game: Take a shot every time you see a hideous turtleneck, sweater vest or any other form of aggressively patterned topwear.

00:07:14 DRINK, BITCHES. Also, Chiwetel Egiofor, you are a Commander of the Order of the British Empire—just say no to magenta on your goddamn wedding day.

However, fabulous lady behind you in the feathery magenta hat? YOU. BETTA. WERK.

00:08:30 “Anything to put off actually running a country.” Too real, Hugh Grant, too real.

00:10:04 Chiwetel Magentiofor is marrying Keira Knightley, who’s dressed like a glamorous chicken, so obviously these two are made for each other.

00:10:27 FOR GOD SAKES, LAURA LINNEY. You are a four-time Emmy-winning, three-time Tony-nominated, THREE-TIME OSCAR-NOMINATED WHIRLWIND OF TALENT. Who let you wear this crochet foreskin on your head to a wedding? WHO?

00:11:22 “Oh, pardon me, sorry about that, just have to shove my trombone under the church pew.” I hate everyone at this wedding.

00:12:23 Keira Knightley is mainlining champagne at her own wedding reception which, if I had a full cockatoo nesting in my updo, I would be, too.

00:13:46 “Colin, you’re a lonely, ugly asshole. And you must accept it.” Tony knows what’s up.

00:16:25 I know this is supposed to be a funeral and all but is there no indoor heat in the U.K.? Why is everyone and their mother dressed like they’re trudging through the tundra?  

00:16:41 Cue Natasha Richardson-related tears here.

00:18:17 Cue Alan Rickman-related tears here. Genuinely terrified of the day when everyone I know and love from Love Actually will have passed. Except for that fuckturd Colin. He can leave this earth at any time.

00:18:42 Double sweater-vest horror for the price of one. Drink and then drink again.  

00:19:28 Side drinking game: take a shot for every HR violation in this movie. GOODBYE LIVER, GOODBYE WORLD. 

00:22:24 Ok, so sometimes I’m Billy Mack but all the time, I’m his fat manager.

00:24:01 We’re just going to have to set up an IV of Hennessy for the entirety of the Prime Minister Hugh Grant/Not-Really-Fat-At-All Natalie subplot. Also anything involving that turtleneck trollop, Mia.

00:28:04 “No one’s ever going to shag you if you cry all the time.” Literally years of one-on-one sessions and NOT ONE therapist has ever summed up my life problems as succinctly as Emma Thompson just did.  

00:30:30 Laura Linney, I’m docking an Emmy for every godforsaken butterfly clip pinned to your already hideous sweater. I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND.  

00:33:20 We’re discussing Non-Fat Natalie’s non-fat thighs whilst in the Prime Minister’s office. You know what to do.

00:35:16 Me

00:36:40 Kentucky Fried Keira might be wearing one of those wildlife-killing plastic soda rings around her neck. Sartorially offensive and environmentally irresponsible. 

00:36:55 Professor Snape just smacked Sad Laura Linney in the workplace but she is wearing a sweater that looks like it’s knitted from the stomach spew of a drunkard, so she 100% deserves it.

00:37:33 The Turtleneck Trollop is trying to seduce Professor Snape in this getup. Girl, it literally looks like you wrapped your English muffin in origami. DO LESS.

00:39:19 Oh for fuck’s sake, I totally forgot about that “Mr. Darcy boinks the Portuguese help” subplot. Can anyone be employed in this fudging movie without penetrating their coworkers? Anyone?! NOT EVEN THE FUCKING PRESIDENT CAN KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS.

00:44:42 The Prime Minister just basically launched WWIII because he wants Non-Fat Natalie’s non-fat thighs all to himself. Sadly, this doesn’t seem all that far-fetched considering our current batshit political climate.

00:46:47 I’m not saying I’ve recreated this exact dance in my underpants whilst alone in my apartment but I am saying it’s happened a couple thousand times.  

00:49:03 I’m going to need an entire dissertation paper on why the Portuguese help had to disrobe down to her underpants but Colin Firth got to keep on THREE LAYERS OF SHIRTS when they go into the lake for his dump typewritten pages. I want that shit APA style and with full citations and multiple sections dedicated to the Mr. Darcy wet-shirt scene from Pride and Prejudice, you hear me? Also, you should be chugging alcohol straight from a garbage can based on the HR violations in this scene alone.  

00:53:11 “I know you’ve never particularly warmed to me.” Well, Kentucky Fried Keira, that might be because you insist upon dressing like the homeless pigeon lady from Home Alone 2.

00:58:02 THIS BITCH. We all know that this bitch just wants to have her own private audience with the Prime Minister’s prime minister and that’s why she’s size-shaming Non-Fat Natalie’s non-fat thighs. If we’re gonna get real, girl, Chris Kirkpatrick had your hairstyle for most of the ’90s and it ain’t doing you no favors, either.

01:03:21 Now, we can all agree that Thomas Brodie-Sangster was one of the cutest children to ever walk the planet, but we’ve got to talk about the hair height on this poor child. Exactly how many foreheads does he actually have under there?

01:04:12 FOUR FLOWER BROOCHES? That’s it, Laura Lonely, I’m taking away your Golden Globes, too.

01:05:37 The Turtleneck Trollop is wearing devil horns to the office Christmas party. At least you can’t accuse her of subtlety.

01:10:10 Laura Lonely is trying to get all up on her co-worker Karl because he looks like he stars in the porn parody of Aladdin but she keeps getting clam-jammed by her unwell brother and it’s just like CAN SOMEONE CUT LAURA LINNEY A GODDAMN BREAK IN THIS MOVIE? She had to go topless for this bullshit and is constantly covered in hideous brooches and FOR WHAT? Not even a little jammin’ of the clammin’ from real-life Aladdin? FOR SHAME.

01:18:05 The Turtleneck Trollop coerced Professor Snape into buying her jewelry without even serving up her English muffin to him yet. She’s a grade-A slutbag but you gotta admit, she’s masterful. Also, if I were on the brink of breaking up a marriage and ruining a family, it would have to be for something that doesn’t look a gold nugget that’s been pooped out and put on a string.

01:20:04 Listen to me: I adore Alan Rickman and mourn his passing on a near-daily basis but the way he says “yogurt” has haunted me for fifteen fucking years and now even more so because I’ve discovered AN ENTIRE SONG OF IT.

01:25:25 Know how you know Colin’s is the worst subplot of Love Actually? It’s soundtracked to not only “Smooth” but also “Wherever You Will Go.” It goes without saying but we’ll be skipping his scenes from here on out.

01:29:39 Try to argue that Emma Thompson didn’t deserve an Oscar nomination for these three minutes of exceptional acting alone. YOU CAN’T.

01:32:34 This woman only had one scene and she and her overacting eyebrow were going to make it COUNT.

01:34:43 I yell out “I HATE UNCLE JAMIE” at least twice a week, for no reason at all. I wish I was kidding.

01:36:36 The last we see of Laura Lonely, she’s hugging her brother which, okay, cute, but we both know you’d rather be hugging that beautifully tanned Aladdin dick. WE BOTH KNOW IT.

01:37:59 Okay, so we’re at the scene. And I have SO MANY QUESTIONS. Firstly, how did Rick Grimes know that Kentucky Fried Keira was going to answer the door and not Chiwetel Magentiofor? What was the back-up plan, with you standing there with a boom box and notecards declaring your undying love for his wife? What if KFK didn’t play along with the carol singers bit? MANY QUESTIONS, NO ANSWERS. But, real talk, if a dude looking like Andrew Lincoln showed up to my door with all of this fuckery, I would relocate myself into that perfect little chin dimple of his and never come back out, bye.

01:41:10 I am 100% behind this old-man ship between Billy Mack and his fat manager. Which I think also means that I ship myself, er, with myself. Sounds about right.

01:42:12 That earth-shaking screech you just heard was my soul leaving its earthly form due to the fact that a movie about Christmas SPELLED FUCKING CHRISTMAS WRONG.

01:43:41 Why didn’t the Prime Minister just take the goddamn envelope with Non-Fat Natalie’s return address on it for when he searched for her apartment? I’m legitimately getting a migraine from trying to make this movie make any sense.

01:52:09 Yes, the performing kids are adorable but the sparkly scarf-wearing, obviously-gay back-up singing teacher is the real winner of the Christmas talent show. 

02:01:25 What is this half-yarmulke that Mini Mariah is wearing to the airport? Also, Five-Head Tommy wouldn’t be able to catch Mini Mariah in time because Heathrow is the seventh circle of hell and also when the guards do catch him, he 100% would be interrogated in the tiny terrorism room because of 9/11 but no, racial profiling and ARGAPSGAIHATGAEIS.

02:04:46 Mr. Darcy is proposing to his Portuguese help even though he doesn’t know her and only spent a few weeks talking at her but she has a cute little lower back tattoo and that’s all he needs to know! Also, I love Colin Firth as an actor but his on-screen kisses look like those adult virgin couples smooching for the first time at their wedding. What is your hand doing? 

02:09:31 And now we’re back at the airport and all of the subplots have woven together unrealistically and everyone’s hugging and not miserable and I STILL HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. Like how are Kentucky Fried Keira and Rick Grimes going to hang out with Chiwetel Magentiofor like nothing happened? Does he ever find out? Does the weight of their collective lie ruin their beautiful biracial marriage? Also, does Emma Thompson go crazy from resentment over Professor Snape cheating on her and kill him in a rage soundtracked to Joni Mitchell? And how does Non-Fat Natalie handle the public pressure of dating the Prime Minister? And does she use her vag power to have him fire Chris Kirkpatrick who shamed her non-fat thighs? AND WHERE THE FUCK DID LAURA LINNEY GO? Someone send me Pepto-Bismol and a new brain, please and thank you. 

Egos, trips and tributes: 2015 BET AWARDS REVIEW

1.       Dej Loaf looks good. I just wanted to acknowledge that. I don’t know what I was expecting from “Try Me”, but it’s not what I got. Her, her new management, and brother fought her old manager…she was suppose to perform. smh

Originally posted by urbanrealism

2.       Kendrick’s performance was really dope

Originally posted by northgang

3.       Mama Minaj was on stage like “What do I do now? Do I stand like this? No…How about this? No…ok…me stand like this”  

Originally posted by liquidifikador

4.       Sanah’s wig was a mess. Yea, I notice stuff like that. You mad? LOL

Originally posted by realitytvgifs

Originally posted by paultoes

5.       Haven’t we done the “Woe is me, my husband isn’t paying attention to me, so I date the psycho” movie enough?

6.       Janelle…I love her. I was waiting on the haters..It’s called evolution…It’s called empowerment

Originally posted by ofnothingspecific

7.       I’m a classic man

Originally posted by jrbatista

8.       MeeK Mills gets his polos from Marshall’s…I’m convinced. Nothing wrong with that. But he always looks like he has on the newest Beverly Hills Polo gear.

Originally posted by lupus-caterva

9.       The game…awkward moment indeed. No more (Random moment from show)…I haven’t watched The Game since that chick Eggs was on there.

10.   Chris broan and Tyga…Illum….nevermind…show Rihanna’s face

11.   Why can’t you sing with your backup track???!

Originally posted by elittlejoia

12.   Everyone is waiting on jhene aiko…and she never showed up

Originally posted by fuckyeahjhene

13.   I just want Omarion to do “Touch” right now…that was my jam

14.   They show Rihanna on Jhene’s part…petty

Originally posted by 711vevo

15.   They wanna be illuminati so bad…smh

16.   Who thought it was a good idea to make a new colonel sanders? Let’s make a new Walt Disney and see how that goes

17.   The Weeknd and this five finger hand hair…but people fail to realize that he is an International star. Dude is getting paid. 50 Shades of Grey and Arian Grande pretty much locked dude in for a ton of checks that will flow for a lifetime and there after…but one thing is for sure…Abel ain’t worried about us.

Originally posted by unclergrouncl

18.   I’m a huge fan of the weeknd…I just play his music at home and just let my emotions run…usually ……wait….is he saying the f word?!

19.   Alicia messed the song up…Gotta take it off the “Timmy take down” list

Originally posted by helterrsk3lter

20.   Kelly Rowland…lawd

21.   When Kelly messed up Destiny’s Childs’ name lol

22.   Uncle Charlie..That guy is awesome

23.   What you thought?!

24.   Anthony Anderson as Sam Smith…funny

25.   “Arriving, but definitely not coming (You know what they mean)”…what?! This is the tagline for your new show, TVOne. Born Again Virgin? OK…smh

26.   When Donnie McClurkin walked on stage, the internet did this…

Originally posted by tygerbug

27.   Folks out here acting like Tori Kelly is on amateur night at the Apollo. The girl is sangin’

28.   Ugh, robin. Stop looking like you haven’t washed your man parts…get up and move on.

29.   Keyshia cole- People have been making “She selling fish plates outside the awards show” jokes for years and this was your moment. And what did you do? Let us all know that you no longer have a record deal. Not only did you walk out looking like an Instagram bundles boutique, you did it in a way that on you could. Kudos? Does that deserve a Kudos? I don’t know. I mean…It’s Keyshia.

30.   Janet Janet tribute- Ok, for years, I have said that Ciara would do well with a “Pleasure Principle” cover…along with a full reenactment of the video. Maybe, that would be good for her “Career”. *shrug* Just always been something I thought. So what does BET do? They present Janet with a “Comeback Plug” award and finds artists/dancers that haven’t had hits or haven’t had a hit since “Body Party”….THEN…THEN…ON TOP OF IT ALL…You have Tinashe gives us a middle school recital version of “Pleasure Principle”…and I was like…

Originally posted by utterlywrong

Then Jason Defoolo came out…and I was like…

Originally posted by reactionswithgifs

Then Ciara came out….and I was like…

Originally posted by fiercegifs

Very unclean dancing…It looked like they practiced this Friday…and that was it. Then you have the offspring from the “That’s the way that love goes” video slide around to the new track…man…I was done. Janet looks good though.

Originally posted by so-meticulous

31.   What was this award for? Nicki…come on, babe. Even if you didn’t know, you could have turned around and looked. That was a little tacky to me.

Originally posted by entertainmentweekly

32.   Rihanna-You know, she actually made the show a little more interesting. But I could have done without the 1 minute trailer. Sorry, babe. I had to say it.

Originally posted by fuckyeahrihanna

33.   Tracee and Anthony did a good job.

34.   Smokey Robinson will always like that bachelor uncle that has all the H*** to me. I loved his speech.

35.   Did I talk about K.Michelle and Tamar? No? I didn’t? Ok. It was on purpose.

Originally posted by securelyinsecure

36.   Ladies, where is the book that said “Men love booties that make you look like a toddler with a messy diaper on”?

37.   Some people just don’t sing well live 

Originally posted by getyourlifeheaux

Originally posted by empireenterprises

Originally posted by pennylessproud

38.   YOU DON’T SING AN EPIC SONG IF YOU AND/OR YOUR VOICE ISN’T JUST AS EPIC. I ALMOST THREW MY IPAD AT THE TV WHEN “If only you knew” started. I was thinking, “Patti better come out here and save the day”. Patti stepped out there like…

Originally posted by ahorrorstorycircle

39.   The Bad Boy Tribute had me in my feelings…

Originally posted by iwanttodie98

it was great. Diddy is getting old…clearly…and that fall was epic…but let’s address the Lawsuit elephant in the room. Where was Da Band? Danity Kane? Day 26? Carl Thomas? Mario Winans? Hell, Cheri Dennis?! Where were they? Craig Mac!!! Bruh!!! Like…how could you have tribute without them? Diddy didn’t want to pay for Megabus transfers?! I’m so lost.

Originally posted by gasp0ne

Originally posted by areu-fucking-kiddingme

40.   Fetty Wap ended the show. You know, I can respect him. “Trap Queen” is not the ideal love song, but she’s helping him commit a felony, so he treats her well. Plus, he had a pretty dope post about marriage equality so we definitely see eye to…eye. Sigh…that was petty. Wasn’t it?

Originally posted by youhadmeathelloboys

HONORABLE DIDN’T WANT TO MENTION GOES TO BOBBY VALENTINO for his new role as the Fierce Ranger in Hedwig and the Angry Itch. Bruh really came out the house looking like he was going to an all-white party in Atlanta…Comic-Con Power Rangers table…a dance battle in Dubai….looking like one of the Jacksons…bruh doesn’t have friends.


Until next time…

Originally posted by fiercegifs

����ȹ!��-

The 60 Albums Every Pop Punk Fan Should Have

New Found Glory said it best: Pop Punk’s Not Dead. It’s more alive than ever, and while the genre might not be getting as much radio or screen time as it did in the early 2000s, it’s probably the fastest growing genre of the alternative scene. What I have here are the 60 albums that I think every pop punk fan, new or old, needs to have in their music repertoire. The albums that I’ve included come from all aspects of the genre, from the 1990s all the way up to albums that have been released within the past year, bands that are international superstars, to bands you might not have ever heard of. This list is in no particular order. So, if you’re ready, click Read More, and have your iTunes gift card handy! 

Keep reading

Fic: Orphan Blog (Chapter 13)

Written by Devon soccercopping and Aimee tatianathevampireslayer

Main Ships: Cophine and Soccercop

Rating: T

Word Count1264

Chapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7,Chapter 8Chapter 9Chapter 10,Chapter 11, Chapter 12

Alison read Beth’s message over and thought briefly about her response before typing it out.

Keep reading

My Thoughts Watching Her Handsome Hero...

1. OMG THIS IS IT THIS IS THE EPISODE.

2. I really am just making tea kettle screams at my screen.

3. THE MUSIC.

4. BELLE. OMG I LOOOOOVE HER OUTFIT.

5. So she’s judging Gaston already by his reputation. But then he meets her, makes her smile and her head is all over the place. I guess she learns not to judge a book by its cover by the end of this.

6. Wait, Ruby is in this?

7. THAT CONVERSATION. NOOOOO BELLE. NO ULTIMATUMS.

8. Who wants to guess that’s Dorothy coming to the underworld? Probably so she can chaperone Toto, who actually will save the day…

9. Hook: criticizing Regina’s work. Me: Angry face.

10. Regina explained to him in an irritated tone, rather than some sass. Eurgh.

11. Seriously. Why no sass?

12. Wait. So everyone else’s actually kinda smart plans get Hook’s disapproval, but when Emma has a vague idea of a plan based on a dream, of course she’s on the right track. Eurgh. Still, I suppose he’s being nice to her?

13. Nope. Emma’s plan is totally going to fail and Mary-Margaret Snow is going to end up god knows where.

14. Hades Stalker. Still a better love story than Twilight.

15. DUDE. STOP WITH THE ORGASM FACES. Even though that was more of a sad, disappointed face. You just make it look like you had sad, unappealing sex. Stop. Please.

16. Sees a flower, has an orgasm. Seriously.

17. Seeing Gaston working in an animal shelter does something fluttery to my insides. Not like a ‘omg he’s actually really cute’ but more of a ‘hahaha, stay where you are jerk face. Rumple has your Belle’…

18. If Gaston is jerk face, I’m afraid Hades has just become jerk-off face in my head… I apologize for this.

19. Proof that Hades isn’t so smart– he should have picked all those flowers and given them to Zelena. 

20. Every time his hair turns blue I die a little inside.

21. When did Rumple go back on a deal with Hades?

22. NOT MY RUMPLE, YOU BITCH.

23. Side Note: Getting a HP quote in this early in the day gives me a great sense of achievement. 

24. Belle, saying exactly what I just thought. Brownie point for Belle. He sounds like a tinder match. Initially seems nice and then opens his mouth…

25. Gaston’s Guide To Making A Good Impression: Ply girl with compliments. Blame friend for bad reputation. Pretend love life is terrible to gain pity. Tell girl she’s exactly what you’re looking for. Just when you’re getting somewhere, run off after wild creature and leave girl alone on path with wild creature loose. If something should happen to her, or if she declines your advances following these steps, rinse and repeat.

26. She’s so smol.

27. I’ve never been on a hunt before, but pretty sure Belle is doing it wrong?

28. Yay. Nice Belle.

29. Let’s predict right here that jerk face will give baby ogre to Belle’s father, even though she doesn’t want to?

30. When they’re on good terms and not arguing, this is clearly a date scenario for Rumbelle. 

31. Did he kill you? Or did he just make you smell a little nicer?

32. Rumple sass. If it wasn’t morning, I would invent a drinking game that required everyone to drink whenever there is sass on this show. Double points if it comes from Rumple, Regina or Henry. 

33. In fairness, her reaction here is kinda justified.

34. Rumple’s reasoning tho: It was an arranged marriage. I was doing you a favor.

35. Belle refuses to let Rumple do dark magic to get rid of Gaston. Let’s see how wrong this gets.

36. Dreams do come true?

37. If someone gave me coffee, Zelena I would agree too.

38. I’m not sure what Regina expected here. Zelena just admitted she loves Hades, so Regina asks what his weakness is so they can all defeat him? 

39. Rumple looking exasperated. I for one, actually agree.

40. GRAY AREA BELLE

41. Ouch, Rumple logic. It hurts.

42. Can I just say though, that instead of seeming separate from each other, Rumbelle has just become the old, grouchy married couple I one day envisioned.

43. Rumple looks so sad here. It’s like he’s lost Belle :/

44. Gaston A.K.A the fairy-tale fuckboi.

45. I’m glad your reflexes turned out better than your sense of style. I’ll be right back, as soon as I’ve stopped choking with laughter.

46. I don’t have any issues. Understatement of the century.

47. OMG EMMA  IS SPEAKING FOR ALL OF US HERE.

48. Gaston is not the sharpest tool in the shed is he? 

49. HE ACTUALLY THINKS THAT WORKED. 

50. YES IT’S BELLE’S PLAN. 

51. Cue incoherent screaming.

52. Gaston: You broke into my locker. Dude, you just tried to murder her husband. You are so far beneath the moral high ground that the sea monsters might get you.

53. Belle, you sweet sometimes naive woman.

54. You made me weak. Typical fuckboi.

55. Slightly disappointed that she didn’t tell Gaston she loves Rumple, but husband works well enough…

56. Woman suggests not just murdering the baby ogre after what is a suspicious escape. Men roll their eyes and joke about how she gets her cute little optimism from her mother. Barf bag please?

57. Such cute moment. Such trust. Such Rumple lie.

58. I love these two. BUT WHY ALL THE ANGST?

59. Belle, ignoring jerks since whatever year this is meant to be.

60. Unless of course, you’re me. Can we please have a Rumple cheer squad on this show every time he says something amusing?

61. RUMBELLE KISS

62. NO NO. OMG THE DRAMA DOESN’T EVEN WAIT UNTIL FIVE SECONDS AFTER THE KISS. 

63. BELLLLLLLEEEE WHAT ARE YOU DOIIIIIIING?

64. Least favorite Rumbelle kiss.

65. I’m so torn right now. On the one hand YEEEESSS BELLE. CONGRATS ON YOUR MURDER. And on the other hand:  PUT DOWN THE FUCKING DAGGER BELLE.

66. Please note I used no bad language at all in last week’s thoughts. Rumbelle brings out the darkness in everyone it seems.

67. Aww, but Rumple looking terrified for his wife because he knows how upset she’ll be.

68. Some serious manipulation right there, heaped on top of sooo much sexism. Woman can become hero, by marrying jerk. Not that I’m complaining about the show, because this is pretty standard in history.

69. YES BELLE. MY BABY. YES.

70. Rumple is always kind to her, even when he’s not happy with her. THIS IS TRUE LOVE.

71. Jerk-off face come to ruin the day. They were just about to celebrate the demise of Gaston with some sex.

72. Does this mean Rumbelle are back together [I know they were earlier, but on a less arguey footing?] DOES THIS MEAN THEY’RE BACK TOGETHER?

73. Erm, what is Ruby doing in the underworld?

74. Oh, of course. They needed an LGBT plot so they decided that Ruby and Dorothy would get into the underworld via hurricane express and there’s likely to be an episode about it next week. Which will, in all eventuality, have no actual link to the plot. Because all Ruby episodes are apparently spin-offs :/