Quotes and excerpts from Dylan’s journal:
“I was delusional and thought she waved at me the last day of school. Oh well … my emotions are gone. So much past pain at once, my senses are numbed. The beauty of being numb.”
“I’d rather have nothing than be nothing."
"I want to be free."
"Farther and farther distant… that’s what’s happening… me & everything that zombies consider dear… just images, not life. Soon I will be at peace I hope…”
“I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when i got so fucked up…”
“Sadness seems infinite, & the shell of happiness shines around. Yet the true despair overcomes it this lifetime.”
“The pain multiplies infinitely. never stops. Yet im here, STILL alone, still in pain.”
“The framework of society stands above & below me. The hardest thing to destroy, yet the weakest thing that exists. I know that i am different, yet i am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me. I guess being yourself means letting people know about inner thoughts too, not just opinions & fashions. (Heheh) I will be free one day, in the land of purity & my happiness, I will have a love, someone who is me in a way. Someday… Possibly thru this life, maybe another, but it will happen… ”
“Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of one’s self. I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted. love is greater than life even. As i look for love, i feel i can’t find it. ever. but something tells me i will. Someday. Somewhere. As my love will find me. She feels as i do right now, i can feel it. we will be inseperable. Her & i. Whether it is [edited] or not, i think ill find it. (my love). we will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness… no limits… no limits. Nothing will stop us.”
“Nobody will help me.”
“I wonder if ill ever have a love.”
“Being made human
Without the possibility of BEING human
The cruelest of all punishments.”
“These moments will be lost in the depressions & caverns of the human books forever like, tears in rain, but the thoughts will be eternal. To explain the happiness is impossible even for fate. It’s just a pure halcyon set to last more existences than a conceivable number.”
“Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall.”
“Existence is pure hell & pure heaven at the same time. I will never stop wondering. The lost highway will never end.”
“Time to die, time to be free, time to love.”
“The zombies will never cause us pain anymore.”
“Fact: People are so unaware. … well, Ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression.”
“I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now.”
“oooh god i want to die sooo bad… such a sad, desolate, lonely, unsalvageable i feel i am….. not fair, NOT FAIR!!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it…”
“I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops… music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking…"
”My existence is shit to me – how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake – artificial, induced [?] by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart…. & I sit & think…"
“I don’t fit in I’ve been thinking of suicide gives no hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life … that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe – my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me – my soul (existence)."
”Goodbye, sorry to everyone… I just can’t take it … all the thoughts … too many … make my head twist… I must have happiness, love, peace. Goodbye"
“some zombies are smarter than others, some manipulate… like my parents.”
“It’s interesting, when I’m in my human form, knowing I’m going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it. Like how none of this calculus shit matters. The way it shouldn’t. the truth. In 26.4 hours, I’ll be dead, & in happiness. The little zombie human fags will know their errors, & be forever suffering and mournful”