i mean its okay i put too much product in my hair this morning too

anonymous asked:

52 with cal omg

52- “I think you might be pregnant.”

Assumed you requested this after reading the “Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding” prompt with Calum and wanted them to be connected? If you didn’t mean that I did it anyway?


“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi,” you smile subtly at the sound of your fiancé’s voice over the phone, “Are you on your lunch break?”

“Yeah, just went on it,” Nate answers, “What’s up?”

“Just calling to see how you’re feeling,” you say, leaning forward on your kitchen counter and eyeing the garbage can nearby. “I woke up so nauseated this morning, and I thought it might have been from the sushi we had last night.”

“Hm,” Nate hums, “Well I’m fine. Maybe you’re getting the flu?”

“Maybe. I don’t feel like I’m sick, though.”

“Huh,” he huffs in deep thought. “Babe, when’s the last time you got your period?”

The warmth drains from your face and your entire bloodstream runs cold. You’ve noticed that you were running later than usual, but didn’t let yourself think much of it. The birth control you’re on already causes you to have less periods throughout the year, and you figured stress from all the wedding planning was enhancing the irregularity.

“And didn’t you say your back’s been hurting lately?” Nate adds.

Your hand mindlessly touches your lower back where it’s been sore on and off for the past few weeks. “Yeah…”

There’s a short pause in the conversation that feels like an eternity.

“You know your body better than I do,” Nate finally speaks again, “But I don’t know, Y/n, I think you might be pregnant.”

You nod slowly, having similar thoughts now that he pointed the possibility out. Your heart starts to hammer against your chest, trying to reheat your body with a faster beat.

“Y/n?” Nate asks when you don’t say anything. “Are you okay?”

You clear your throat. “Yeah, yeah I’m…” The last of your sentence trails off.

“You don’t sound okay.”

“I’m just thinking.”

“Well don’t worry about anything yet,” he instructs. “I’ll be off in a few hours, and I’ll pick up a test on my way over. We’ll take it together. That sound good?”

“Uh huh,” you croak.

“Alright babe, just… hang in there. Everything will be fine,” he says, sounding perfectly stable and not at all as scared as you. “Even if you are, ya know, at least we’re already getting married, right?”

“Yeah,” you laugh weakly. What he considers a good thing could end up being the worst part about this whole situation.

“I’ll see you in a little bit, then. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” your voice is barely a whisper when you hang up the phone. You run a frustrated hand through your hair, cursing the world for its sick method of teaching morals. Without a second thought your fingers start to dial another number in a hurry. Putting your phone on speaker and placing it on the counter, you walk to the other side of the room to grab your coat and bag.


“Are you home?” You jump right in, tugging the coat over your shoulders.

“Uh… yeah.”

“I’m coming over.”

“You are?”

“Be there in thirty,” you announce, then end the call.


If they weren’t so numb, your knuckles would hurt from the effort you put into knocking on his door. Your heels bounce up and down as you wait for it to open, and you glance down the hallway to distract yourself from the painfully long seconds it takes for him to answer.

Calum stands in the threshold, shirtless and wearing gym shorts regardless of the half an hour he had to get dressed. He looks neither pleased or upset to see you, and stands to the side as you grant yourself permission to come into his apartment.

“Some nerve,” Calum says, closing the door behind you, “coming over uninvited like this.”

You realize he’s joking but you’re in no mood to humor him.

“I need to do something,” you begin. “I need to do it here.”

He narrows his eyes at you, not following along. “What’s wrong?”

You rub your lips together nervously, unable to look directly at him.

“We didn’t use a condom… on that night.”

“I know,” he says, “but you were on birth control.”

“Well I don’t think it worked.”

His face drops in the same way that yours did when you first thought about the idea.

“You’re pregnant?” he asks quietly.

“I don’t know yet.” You pull a plastic bag out of your purse. “I have a test.”

“Why didn’t you take it before you told me?”

“Because I couldn’t–” Your voice cracks, and you’re surprised at how emotional you’re getting. “Nate doesn’t get off until later tonight, and I’m supposed to wait for him but I can’t wait that long, and I didn’t-I didn’t want to do it by myself.”

“Okay, okay,” Calum says softly, walking toward you. “Do it here.”

“Thank you.” You squeeze his hand and rush to the master bathroom, pulling him along behind you.

He waits on his bed as you lock yourself inside to take the test. As you’re doing it you look around the bathroom and notice all of the little changes that have happened since you stopped coming around to Calum’s. The small wash clothes that used to hang on the towel rack to decorate the bigger towels are no longer there. The window ledge that used to be lined with all of your hair and skin care products now only holds two bottles of Calum’s soap and shampoo. The counter that he used to always complain about your makeup taking up too much space is cleared of pretty much everything except his toothbrush and hair gel. It looks vacant, and unlived in, and it breaks your heart to think of Calum starting his mornings alone.  

When you’re finished, you replace the cap and fold up a few squares of toilet paper to set the pregnancy test on while it evaluates the state of your body; then you unlock the door and find Calum sitting anxiously on his bed.

“Now we wait,” you say, crossing the floor to take a seat beside him.

“How long?”

“Three minutes.”

“Jesus,” he sighs.

You’re both silent for a moment, distracted by a hundred thoughts at once.

“If it’s positive,” Calum eventually starts, “we don’t know for sure that it’s mine.”

You nod, his statement only reinforcing how shit you feel about yourself. Another despaired sound resonates from Calum’s throat, and you get the sense that he’s trying to dig through his brain to find the right pairing of words for what he’d like to say next.

“I’d want it to be, though.”

Stunned, you turn your head to look at him. “Really?”

He stares at the carpet on the floor, gnawing on his bottom lip. “It’d stop you from marrying Nate.”

His words feel like a knife in your chest. You and Calum had broken up so long ago, and remained such good friends afterward that it surprises you to hear him admit how strong his old feelings still are.


“I know it’s fucked up, but honestly Y/n, I don’t think I’m ever gonna get over you.”

“What if it’s his baby?”

Calum’s knuckles crack as he clenches his fists.

“I hope it’s negative,” you think out loud.

“And if it is?” he asks. “We just pretend like this never happened, too?”

You shrug sadly. “I don’t know.”

He forces a deep breath from his lungs and leans back on his elbows, out of your vision. Something touches your back and you realize it’s his hand when his fingers start tracing soothing circles against your shirt. You peer over your shoulder to find him laying down, his eyes focused on the task of his fingers. He’s angry at you, he’s heartbroken because of you, and yet he’s still trying to make you feel better.

The acknowledgment washes over you, and you scoot closer to him. You grab his hand and hold it out of the way as you lie back, resting your head on his bare chest and letting his arm drape over your shoulders. He glances at you briefly before accepting your initiation, wrapping his other arm around your waist and tangling his legs with yours to deepen the embrace. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, and you close your eyes as you bring one hand up to cup the back of his head. His hair feels soft between your fingers. You can hear his every breath as he takes in your scent and the surreal fact that he’s actually holding you again.

No words are exchanged, and it’s better that way. Your nails lightly scratch the muscles in his back as he grips at the material of your shirt, and you both feel like you’ve been reunited with a comfort that you two have only ever felt with each other.

Seconds turn to minutes, and as much as you’d like to ignore the world in Calum’s arms for a little while longer, it’s time to check the test. You pull away from him gently but never fully break contact, latching onto his wrist as you both sit up. His large hand cups around your knee and gives it an encouraging squeeze. You reluctantly stand from the bed and walk into the bathroom.

Calum rests his elbows on his legs, watching you anxiously, selfish thoughts lapping through his mind. He doesn’t know which results he’d rather hear. If you’re pregnant there’s a chance the baby is his; it’d be his ticket to win you back. But at the same time there’s the chance that it’s Nate’s, and then Calum would not only have to let you marry the guy, but watch you start a family with him as well. If you’re not pregnant, then things just go back to how they were. You’ll still be engaged to another man, and Calum will still have to keep your secrets—but at least you won’t be carrying Nate’s child, and for some reason that gives Calum hope.  

Your nerves are on edge as you pick up the test. Your eyes immediately shoot to the side that displays the outcome in the form of little pink lines.

“Well?” Calum pipes up from the bed.

You shift to face him, your expression unreadable to match the uncertainty of how you feel toward the results. Not long ago you announced your preference, but you’ve never had to react to news like this before.

“It’s negative,” you tell him, the words tasting strange on your tongue.

Calum nods to mask his own internal debate. “Are you okay with that?”

You saunter back over to him, feeling dazed from the emotional work up to such an anticlimax. He takes the test from you and reads it himself.

“Before I saw it—like, right before,” you ramble, “I-I changed my mind.”

“About what?”

“I didn’t want it to be negative,” you confess. “I wanted to be pregnant–”

His heart accelerates. He locks his brown irises on you, hanging on to your every word, desperately trying to predict what you’ll say next, but waiting without interruption.

“–and I wanted it to be yours.”  


“Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding?”

As the Radio Plays

Pairing: Lin Manuel Miranda x Reader


Summary: Today is the biggest day of your life. You walk towards your forever and always, the love of your life waiting for you to take his hand.

Warnings: Just cursing, really.

Word Count: 3,879(For fuck’s sake, Cass. Get a grip.)

A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I’M SORRY. No one asked for this shit, idk. I also love you all so, so much. Especially Becca (but y'all already knew that, right?) because she is my favorite and she helps me and lets me ramble at her anD IF YOU’RE NOT FOLLOWING HER, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?? SHE IS A LEGEND. HER WRITING HAS MURDERED ME. I AM POSTING THIS FROM THE GRAVE.

Something old.

Kenny Lattimore’s “For You” played softly in the background as your fingertips traced over the silver chain of the locket that was clasped around your neck, the pendant hanging midway down your chest.

It was an old family heirloom, something you’d inherited from your grandmother when you sat with her moments prior to her last breath. Despite the severity of her dementia, she had never once forgotten your existence, always asking for you in the middle of the night, talking about you to anyone that’d listen, buying you random things (she once bought you a winter coat in the middle of July because you’d mentioned that you were chilly while eating ice cream in a fully air conditioned room a couple days before) to keep you happy. It was only right to wear this keepsake, especially on this day. Inside the locket was a picture of her and your grandfather, both of whom had left this realm not too long ago.

Lin was with you when you got the phone call. Both of you were lounging comfortably on the couch one late night on a Saturday, TV remote in his hand, his arm rested comfortably around your shoulders, your legs stretched across his lap, and your head nestled into his neck. The chirping of your dinky flip phone echoed throughout the apartment both of you shared, and you got up to answer it.

He was at your side when your voice cracked as you spoke with your mom on the other line, a look of worry on his face as he rubbed your back in a desperate attempt to soothe your muffled cries. Left hand on the steering wheel, his right hand never let go of yours as the two of you trekked through two and a half hours of weekend city traffic from Connecticut where both of you were sophomores in college. He pulled up a chair to sit next to you, his arm wrapped around your waist to keep you from falling apart as you held onto your grandmother’s hand. He was your rock during the funeral, despite his constant need for tissues too. His tears fell just as hard as yours did on nights when you wanted her back. Your tears stained all of his shirts and sweaters because he just wouldn’t let you mourn alone.

Your grandmother was just as much his as she was yours, especially since the two of you were highschool sweethearts.

You knew Lin would smile the second he saw the locket.

Something new.

Looking at the ground, you caught a glimpse of your shoes. You marveled them, admiring the white lace that covered the blue suede surface. Cute, chic, and comfortable. You were convinced you hit the trifecta, especially considering the trouble you went through to find them.

After spending countless hours looking for the perfect pair, you were practically ready to give up. With desperation at its peak, you were already willing to wear a pair of Converse at this point because you were just too picky of a person to actually find something you liked.

You called Lin as you wandered the mall aimlessly, frustration causing smoke to come out of your ears, ranting about how every store was stupid because they either had pairs you liked but none in your size or they had your size in every shoe, but they were all hideous.

“I mean, they’re just gonna come right off at the end of it anyway,” he said over the phone, snickering a little.

Part of you wanted to yell at him, but you knew he was right. Sure, you wanted everything to be perfect, down to the very last detail, but Lin had a very valid point.

You’d been gone for ten hours already, and he was pleading for you to come home.

“I need to find the right pair though,” you whined as you approached the other end of the mall. “I don’t know what to get.”

“Uhhh,” he let out a long sigh. “I’m nowhere near being fashion forward, but is there a particular style you’re looking for?”

You groaned inwardly, throwing your head back in sheer exasperation. Who knew this shit was super exhausting? It wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies like everyone else made it out to be.

“I don’t know, something…”

“Okay, let’s do this. My dad made my sister and I play this game when we were little and indecisive.”

“I don’t wanna play games, Lin.”

“Just do it, babe. Come on, humor me.”

Ugh, his tone of voice melted you to the core. You found a nearby bench and took a seat, waiting for his silly game to begin.

“Pick a color,” he told you. “Don’t think about it, just say what comes to mind.


“Pick a… fabric? Yeah, let’s go with that. Fabric, Y/N.”

“Um, I don’t–”

“No, don’t think!”

“Fine, lace,” you huffed, already annoyed with the entire ordeal.

Lin let out a conniving laugh. “I could think of something lacy…”

“Come on, you jerk, the mall is closing in forty-five minutes!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Uhh, what else describes a shoe? Oh! Heel or no heel?”

“Do you mean flats?”

“Shut up and answer the question, don’t be a smart-ass.”

A laugh fell from your lips and for a moment, you didn’t feel so frustrated. “Heels.”

“Okay! That’s what you want! A white shoe with lace and a heel. That’s what you’ll look for.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Lin.”

“Damn it, just humor me, okay? Maybe it works. Who knows?”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head, questioning why you even consulted him in the first place. With a sigh, you got up and approached the last shoe store in the mall.

“Fine, you win. I’ll be home soon.”

“You better,” he replied. “‘Cause otherwise, I’m gonna go buy a pair of shoes for you tomorrow and you know that’d be a disaster. And plus, I want you to come home already. That lacy thing isn’t gonna do much by itself.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Don’t deny me of my favorite thing,” he teased, and you knew just by the sound of his voice exactly the kind of expression he was making. “Okay, go shop. I love you.”

“Uh-huh, okay. Love you too.”

The second you hung up the phone, you walked through half of an aisle and spotted it. The exact pair you visualized in your head just moments ago.

Shit, you thought to yourself. Maybe he did deserve the lace tonight.

A snort escaped your lips as you recalled that particular memory and you were thankful no one was in the room with you despite everyone hovering over you all morning.

Something borrowed.

You brought a hand up to twirl your finger around a stray curl, turning around to admire your best friend’s work in the mirror. A striped navy blue and white bow tie held your hair in place, keeping half of your hair pulled back into a flowing ponytail and leaving the rest of it to cascade down to the middle your back.

The bow tie was part of a costume Lin had worn during a high school production where the two of you had played leads opposite each other.

It felt appropriate to incorporate a little piece of the musical that had brought you two together. The moment he sang “Easy to Love” to you (your character really, but it didn’t stop you from daydreaming) with full blocking and choreography was the moment you fell for him. Sure, you were sixteen and doe-eyed, and sure, you were just playing characters, and sure, you were merely there to put on a show, but it didn’t stop you from falling so quickly and so easily.

During the last tech rehearsal, Lin had pulled you aside, grabbing you by the arm just seconds before you left the auditorium. He led you to the dim control booth, tucked away from everyone else.

You remember your heart thumping about madly in your chest, the overwhelming anxiety washing over you. He took your hand in his and flashed you the cheekiest smile you’ve ever seen. And even though you just wanted to stand there forever and ever and ever and ever and ever with him, there was a show you had to run.

He didn’t care though, no matter how many times you told him that you two had to go join the rest of them (your heart was cursing at you every time you did it too), he just shook his head, telling you that he just wanted to spend time alone with you for a little while longer.

When you asked him why, his answer was simple.

“I’m trying find reasons not to like you, but I’ve come to the conclusion that those reasons don’t exist.”

Dear Jesus, those words melted you when they fell upon your teenage ears, but in retrospect, you have never heard anything cheesier.

But hey, it worked.

Next thing you knew, both of you were holding hands throughout the hallways of your school, stealing pecks on the lips during passing period, constantly joined at the hip every chance the two of you were in the same room.

There was no such thing as “you and Lin” from that point on. Anyone that knew both of you referred to you guys as “they” or “the lovebirds” or “the couple that makes everyone uncomfortable with how much they love each other but we let them do their thing because nothing will stop them”.

Rolling your eyes at the memory, your eyes welled up as you stood in awe of your reflection, completely mesmerized by the fact that it was happening today.

Something blue.

You brought your right hand up to your face to dab away a tear that was threatening to ruin your makeup, catching a quick glimpse of the blue diamond ring on your fourth finger.

The sight of that ring alone made you want to spring a leak even more because it was really happening. You were moments away from the living the rest of your life, and that very ring just tied it all together, symbolizing the love, the memories, and the desire to live as one.

It all happened on early Christmas morning during your junior year of college.

The two of you sat on the steps of your childhood home down in Lower Manhattan, your head rested comfortably on his shoulder and your hands nice and toasty between his. All the other guests were saying their goodbyes in the living room, giving the two of you a few moments alone.

“Y/N?” He whispered, making sure you weren’t half-asleep.

You grunted in reply, the heaping plate of food you’d consumed a while ago nearly sending you to the Land of Nod.

Lin sat up, causing you to follow suit as you shot him an annoyed glare.

He simply reciprocated with a soft smile on his face, pressing his lips to yours in a soft kiss. “We can sleep after this, I promise.”

“After what?” You asked, still irked at him for waking you up.

“I just wanted to say that I love you,” Lin murmured, his gaze into your eyes not faltering.

You threw your head back and groaned. “Lin, if that’s all you were gonna say, couldn’t that have just waited until later?”

“No,” he replied quickly. “It can’t wait.”

“What are you talking about–”

“Y/N, you are… words cannot describe how much you mean to me. Our whole lives have been such roller coasters, and things and people have come and gone. But you… you were the only thing that remained constant in my life and I just can’t fathom living without you. Someone as amazing, as loving, as… perfect as you only comes once in a lifetime.”

Lin looked down at your hands, his fingers intertwined with yours, and you saw the corners of his lips tug into a soft grin.

“You’re my tether to reality, baby,” he spoke up again, bringing his eyes back to yours. “I’m a kite with ten thousand more meters of string to go, flying up to Orion, and you’re the one at the end of it all, holding onto me to make sure that I don’t fly too far away. I’ve found the key to finding love because of you. It’s messing up the pattern on purpose. So I did just that. I skipped a stitch and left a tiny hole to let the cold in and I’m so grateful that you’re the one that filled it.”

It was hard to believe that just moments ago, you were pissed at him all because he woke you up, but there you sat, eyes misting as you heard the absolute love of your life tell you how much you meant to him.

Was it corny? Fuck yeah, but that’s just the person Lin was, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It’s because of you that I’ve learned the meaning of bliss. It’s-it’s…” He stalled for a moment, his fingers trying to grasp at seemingly tangible words. “It’s the moments when you’re with me, when you’re standing next to me, holding my hand, existing with me. It’s when we lie together underneath our sheets in our bed in our apartment, and I’m just holding you. It’s us just being right here, and I’m doing nothing but holding your hand and I already feel like I’ve won a lifetime of happiness. It’s merely the thought of you, period.”

You placed your hands his cheeks, unable to bear one more second of your life without kissing him, so you pressed a tender kiss on his lips and he met your tenderness with so much passion and love.

When he broke away, he looked at you with the same goofy grin he had all those years ago when the two of you first got together, and you couldn’t help but giggle at the look on his face.

“Marry me,” he whispered as he pulled out a black box from his front pocket, opening it up to expose the white gold, blue diamond ring inside.

It wasn’t phrased as a question. It didn’t need to be.

It was a statement all on its own.

With tears blurring your vision, gasped at the ring before you and nodded quickly, silently accepting your fate of becoming his wife.

“I love you so much,” he told you as he slipped the ring on the fourth finger of your left hand, kissing you once it was secured in its rightful place.

You cupped his cheeks in your hands as you melted into him, tears now rapidly falling.

“I love you,” you murmured softly in reply, your nose brushing against his. “Yes, Lin. I will absolutely marry you.”

And there you stood in front of the mirror a year and a half later, a crying mess in your strapless eggshell white ball gown. The song that perfectly depicted your entire life with Lin thus far came to a close, fading in the background. Your fingers smoothed over the beaded lace along its sweetheart neckline, as you carefully dabbed your tears away with a handkerchief, mumbling profanities to yourself because your emotions were ruining the expensive makeup.

This was it. This was the beginning of the rest of your life.

Walk down the aisle, listen to words, say words, put on rings, kiss him, leave married, you thought with a smile on your face. I’m getting married today. In ten minutes. I will have a husband by the time this is over. Don’t fall. Jesus Christ, don’t trip when you walk, oh my God.

“Y/N,” a voice said softly from the other side of the door, interrupting the internal conversation you were having with yourself.

It swung open and you turned around to see your best friend and maid of honor standing in front of you with a worried look.

“What’s up?” You asked her, unsure of the expression on her face. “I’m just getting married, not dying.”

She looked at you and shook her head, unable to speak at all. Without a word, she made a beeline for you and grabbed your hands, still finding the right words to say.

“He’s not here,” she told you, her voice barely a whisper. “Lin… He left.”

Your felt your throat closing in and you held your breath as you tried to make sense of it all.

“But you said he was here. You said he was getting ready.” The little monster that called your chest home was knocking on its walls like it was trapped, begging and pleading to be released.

“I know, sweetie, I know, but he walked out–”

“So he just left?”

At that moment, your world came crashing down. All of this preparation for nothing.

Did he not remember what he told you? Did he not remember all those moments you’ve spent together? Did he just forget everything?

Did you mean nothing to him anymore?

You pushed past your best friend and marched down to the groom’s dressing room in search of him, tears already threatening to fall once again but for a different reason now. The three other bridesmaids met you halfway and tried to stop you, protecting you from the embarrassment, the heartbreak, and the emptiness of knowing that the one person who had promised to stay just got up and walked away, abandoning you and shattering every dream you had of a happily ever after.

Your mother and bridal party whisked you back to your dressing room and tried to talk to you, to comfort you at the very least, but you just sat down and stared into space, the tears long dry by this point. You were stunned, confused, disappointed, livid, heartbroken, speechless, and every emotion in between. Here you were, ready to sign, seal, and deliver yourself to the absolute love of your life, but he, for some ungodly reason, didn’t think so.

Never in a million years did you imagine being left at the altar.

You were left at the altar.

He left you at the altar.

God, you just felt so stupid. You were so naive and childish for thinking you deserved a happy ending.

The door to your dressing room quietly opened and one of the groomsmen peeked his head in the door, trying to gauge the severity of the situation.

Silently, he broke through the circle of women that surrounded you and approached you, reaching into his breast pocket to pull out an envelope.

“I, um, found this,” he said in a hushed tone, handing it to you. “It was on the armoire in his dressing room.”

You stared at it at first, not wanting to take it because part of you believed that it would only further manifest this nightmare you so desperately wanted to shake.

Taking it, you held it in your hands and just looked at it blankly, unsure of what kind of hell it would reveal.

After a minute of silence, you raised your head to speak, not exactly looking anyone in the eye.

“Can I be alone, please?” You asked, not quite registering the sound of your own voice. Everyone nodded sympathetically and exited the room, leaving you to your thoughts.

You held the envelope in your hands, studying the name scribbled in haste on the front. It just looked back at you menacingly and part of you wanted to burn it along with every other memory you had. But still, you wanted– no, needed– answers.

Gingerly, you opened it up and welled up at the sight of Lin’s handwriting, stuck between wanting to throw it away in anger or hold it to your chest in heartache. After taking a moment to brace yourself, you finally found the courage to read the contents of your heartbreak.

My dearest, my beloved,

I love you to the ends of the earth. I love you in a way my heart does not know how to articulate.

I am so sorry.

This isn’t what I wanted to do, please believe that. Please believe that my intentions are never to hurt you, because trust me, this is the last thing I wanted to do, especially to the woman I have had the utmost pleasure of calling the love of my life.

But I just can’t do this.

We just barely graduated college three weeks ago and we have our whole lives ahead of us. We’re so young, so naive, so… new to this.

My eyes have only known your face, my tongue has only known your taste, my nose has only known your scent, my ears have only known your voice, my fingertips have only known your skin, my heart has only known your love, and I can’t help but wonder if life has something else in store.

Please believe me when I say that you have always been enough. This has nothing to do with you not being right for me.

I hate how much of an asshole I sound as I write this. I just don’t know how to say it.

But my point is that we’ve only known each other. You deserve the chance to see the world, to learn new things, to be with someone else besides me. You deserve someone who can be with you without feeling like he needs to question what other doors might open later in the future.

Right now, I’m not that person.

Please believe that I’m doing this because I know, in my heart of hearts, that you deserve the best of the best. And I know that I can’t be the best for you. Not right now, not in this moment.

My heart will always belong to you.

I will forever pray that I find my way back to you someday, that the future will bring you back to me, that fate will be on my side and you’ll be in arms again.

But I am not in the position to promise to be your husband when I am still not sure who I want to be.

I love you, and I’m certain of this. I’m just not certain that now is not the right time.

Your tears stained the paper you held in your trembling hands, and you couldn’t help but let out a sob.

If he really loved you, then why did he leave? Why did he want to pursue other leads?

You wanted to see the world, to learn new things, to grow old with him. There was no one else you had in mind, no one else you could ever dream of loving.

Just please never, ever forget that I sincerely, truly, genuinely, absolutely love you.

Irrevocably so.

I am so sorry, my love. Te extraño y te amo mucho, mi cariña.

Until we meet again.


That was it.

The love of your life had willingly erased himself from the narrative, leaving you heartbroken and alone.

You fell to the ground, wrinkling your Goddamn wedding dress, ruining your makeup, shattering all of your hopes and dreams of being happy.

It was over.

Happiness would never find you again.

It’s Been Too Long

A Stuart Twombly Fan Fic

A/N: Well I started this and realized it was going to be way too long to put all together. So smut is coming up in the next chapter! But here you go anon, the start of your Stuart request. Hope you like it!

Warnings: cursing

Chapter 1

Time seems to move faster the older you get, hard to believe its been 4 years since my summer at the Google internship program. That was hands down the best time of my life. I made so many great friends like Nick and Billy. And Lyle taught me so much about programming I can’t thank him enough, Yo-yo learned how to talk to girls with ease thanks to my lessons, Neha kept me up to date with the latest fashion trends, then there was Stuart. What word could I use to describe that piece of work? Dickhead sounds the most suitable. He was always saying something beyond rude or sarcastic every time I spoke a word. I felt like I was the only true victim he had. Eventually he lightened up on everyone else but not me. For what reason? I don’t know. I kept my feelings for him well hidden, before I got to know him I thought he was beyond hot, once I found out how big of an ass he was I dished the threats and sarcasm right back at him.

After working at my previous job since graduation which was a company branched off of Google I decided I needed a change of pace and wanted more of a challenge. I liked trying new things and couldn’t stand seeing the same office everyday for the rest of my life. I went to Google’s employment opportunities and found a position that sounded intriguing. It was in the category of product design, I noticed that it had right at 200 applicants and the chances of me getting it over the more qualified individuals were slim but I would never know if I didn’t at least try. To my surprise within a week I received an e-mail for an interview. it was scheduled for next Tuesday. The work week seemed to drag on for ages but the time for my interview was finally here. Going with a black pencil skirt, white button up blouse and red heels I curled my hair and did some smokey eyes for my make up with red lipstick to compliment my shoes. Taking a quick look at myself in the reflection of the Google building I noticed that I looked a bit slutty, I buttoned my shirt up more and hoped it solved the problem. Taking a seat in the waiting room that was full of various types of people I noticed all of them seemed very under dressed or maybe I went overboard? Not my fault they have no fashion sense. I whispered to myself. “Y/L/N” A boy called out. He looked very young and nervous when his eyes met yours. I guess he had never seen someone dressed in clothes that weren’t from the Gap. “Right this way miss Y/L/N.” He spoke with a shakey voice. He led me into a large office that was very high end. “Just have a seat, the director will be with you shortly.” I simply nodded and watched him exit the room in a small rush. Looking around I tried to make some observations that would be helpful in giving me an advantage during small talk. But everything was so plain, I couldn’t get any info from my surroundings. Suddenly I was awoken from my gaze to the side door opening. The man walked in wearing black pants and a blue jacket with a white button up shirt. He had glasses from what I could see from my seat, he was still turned around pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Sorry to have kept you waiting, I had to step out for a minute.” When he spoke a bell went off in my head, that voice it was way too familiar. “It’s fine sir, I haven’t been waiting but a few minutes.” I replied in a smooth and sweet tone. I decided to use my charm as an advantage since my interviewer was a man and apparently the director of this department. I stood to greet him with a handshake.

When he turned around my face instantly froze. It was him. That smart ass Stuart from the internship program. He recognized me but it took him a second. He scanned my body up and down almost as if he didn’t believe what he was staring at. “You.” He said with a sour smirk. Not the greeting I was hoping for but it was the one I expected. “I already know how this is going to end so I will just show myself out the door now.” I said while looking down at the floor and lowering my hand down to my side. “You don’t want to stay for the interview?” Stuart asked while taking his seat behind the large desk. “Do you want me to stay?” I said lowly. “Of course in fact I want to start over. I have changed since we last saw each other. Let’s see, uhm…my name is Stuart. Pleasure meeting you. What was it again?” He asked with a sheepish grin. “You know my name, I mean. It’s Y/N. Although I prefer Miss Y/L/N if that’s okay with you sir?” His face seemed to heat up at my request. “Sir? That’s twice already you’ve called me that, it has a nice ring to it. As long as you keep calling me Sir you can go by whatever you want.” He spoke with a bit of a flirtatious tone. I had to admit I was taken back by his new found attitude “Wow you really have changed a lot, I hope to see more of this new Stuart.” My voice was smooth. “Oh you will, because you got the job. Be here first thing Thursday morning. I look forward to having you on my team this time around Miss Y/LN.” I returned the smile back at him and exited the room with more confidence than when I walked in. This was going to be an interesting experience to say in the least.

Same love

Originally posted by donewithjeon

Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Highschool!Jungkook slight angst? idk what to call this fml

Words: 1.3k its short i know

i actually came up with this idea while listening and reading bangtan’s song and lyric. The tittle of the song is “I Like It.” Its not my first time writing, but its my first here, in tumblr i guess. So i hope you guys will like it eeheee.

Don’t wanna be fool, wanna be cool, wanna be loved, same love as you.

It has been a month since the breakup and Jungkook is slightly devastated. It’s hard when your ex moved on so quickly. And it’s unfair since he’s the only one that’s constantly checking up his phone for your text, for your call, or even for a slight contact. Like how you used to like his posts on Instagram. The sound of his alarm doesn’t bother him at all because he’s been awake since.  He gets up from his bed and turn off his alarm. Getting ready for school. He missed it, your morning call, your good morning texts and your cute voice messages.

After getting ready, he walks slowly with his bag and his phone while sitting on the kitchen stool, drinking his coffee. The bland taste of the coffee disgust him as he started to stare at his brother who made him the coffee.

“Yah, Taehyung. You forgot to put sugar in this coffee didn’t you?”

Taehyung stared at him with wide eyes as he grinned.

“Sorry, kook-ah” he said as he scoop a spoon of sugar from the small bottle when Jungkook stopped him.

“It’s okay hyung, let’s go or we’ll be late for school” he said as he stood up and walked to the front door. Putting his shoes on as his hyung followed him from behind.

You’re not even mine anymore, but why do I feel like you’re been taking away?


The class has started, Jungkook is sitting on his usual seat as he saw your slim figure walked into the class. Oh how he missed those soft straight hair, and how he missed your usual habits of licking your lips. He missed it all. He didn’t realized he has been staring for the last few minutes until the teacher walked in and started on his lectures. He still keeps his eyes on you, but he didn’t know he is being obvious. But he is.

You realize his staring, his constant likes on your Instagram account. His texts and comments. But you are trying to ignore him. Not because you’ve moved on, it’s because of how you already got a new boyfriend, and then realizing that you still love him. It’s his fault anyway, breaking up with you for some dumb reason. Making you bawl your eyes out and practically begging for him. But he left you all alone, so you don’t think he deserve the second chance. But the problem is that you still love him. All these years of dating can’t be pushed away just like that.

The teacher had been continuing his rambling for quite a while and you didn’t realize that you had started to check your phone for any updates. You scroll through your Instagram account and saw some few new likes from your new updates. New comments like “let’s meet up and play” and “why are you so pretty.” These comments that you had just ignored. Because of your boyfriend, Jimin? Or is it because of Jungkook? No, don’t think about him. It’s time to move on.

Ha-ha, you’re doing so well without me, I don’t wanna see it, stop partying so hard.


Jungkook couldn’t focus for the past few minutes and let out a happy sigh when the final class is finished. He sees your figure walk towards the exit door as he scrambles through all of his stuffs and gets up (lowkeyly) trying to follow you. His pace halted when he saw another guy waited for you in front of the class and embraces you. And finally moves toward the school exit door. His hands clenched and he looks down towards his shoes. Tears building up but he tries not to cry in front of the door and finally shuffles from there.

You tag tag a photo that you took with your new boyfriend.


Jungkook saw it again today, your new post on Instagram. He made your posts notifications on when you both are still dating but he never turns it off. He still wants to see your beautiful selfies and he always fought his urge to like the picture. But he don’t want to be just another from the 30 something guy. He wanted to text you, but it’ll seem like he’s losing. If he don’t do that, if he doesn’t say anything, he don’t think you’ll even care. He tried to shake off his thought on you. But he loves you too much. It’s too hard for him to move on. Why does it seems so simple to you? Doesn’t these 3 years of dating means to you?

The weather outside of his house seems to mock him as he sulk on his bed. The only time he’ll be alone without Taehyung try to get him up and do something productive. Good thing he has another school activity today. Being the head prefect is hard. Having a hyung like him means a lot. They always had each other’s back.

He rose up from his bed and walks toward the desks. Sitting on his office chair and take the photo album on his hands before slowly turning the pages. His tears slowly fall as he looks at all the memories you both had made, the memories that easily thrown by you. After seeing the album, your pictures. His old feelings, his laugh. It’s you. He needs you. He need you back. He made promise to himself, he’ll take you back.

After we broke up, you look better, pretty woman. Annoyingly, you still look good, oh pretty woman.

Y/n slam the door shut, the date with Jimin doesn’t goes to well when Jimin had ditched him for something more important. You guess you wasn’t his priority then. You don’t need this kind of guy in your life, maybe you need to break up with Jimin and settle down.

You puts your purse on your dresser and took your phone in your palm before crashed down on your bed. You let out a tired sigh as you slowly take your phone and scroll on your Instagram feed. You saw his post. Jungkook’s post on Instagram. You missed this. You missed his laugh. You miss the cuddly moments together. You missed him. How long will you survive without him? You don’t know. You won’t, probably.

Are you well these days? I got curious and went to see and the likes are shining. You, who is living well without me. Why did I think of you?


The last echo of his voice in the empty house kills him. He ruffled his hair angrily as he stood up and took his phone. This is it, I’m going to man up, and apologize. Y/n is more important than your stupid ego, Jungkook.

He took his phone and searched your name. “My Love” it is still. And he pressed call. Hoping that you will say hello. Or press the green button is enough.


“Oh my god, Y/n” He said. His relieved sigh is prominent to you and you’re trying not to let out a chuckle but failed. He smiled listening to your chuckle. She misses me. I know that.  

“Yes, Jungkook?” you said and he smiled. Missing your voice. If you were right in front of him, he’s sure he’ll hug you. But you’re not.

“I miss you, I miss us.”


“I know you miss us too, I know it. Even if you don’t realize it, you really do. I know I sucked the last time, but I really wanted you to know that I’m sorry, and I want us to try again. This month without you was like hell, it’s devastating. How can I survive my whole life without you? Just break up with Ji-

“I did.”


“I did, I broke up with him. I miss you too and yes, we’ll try again. I love you.” He couldn’t help but feel his smile widened cheek to cheek. Then he replied.

“I love you too”

Don’t wanna be fool, wanna be cool, wanna be loved. Same love as you. Baby I want it.

Inked (Tattoo Artist Michael au): Chapter 1

A/N:This is the first chapter in this series, in which Michael is a tattoo artist who meets y/n. Feedback is always appreciated

You traced the space on your arm as you dialed the number of the shop.19 years of life had lead up to what you were about to do. All that filled your mind was excitement. Your first tattoo, a celebration on completing your first semester of university. Although you’d finished your first semester a number of months ago, the courage had finally built up enough for you to make your appointment, which was just hours away.

“Are you excited?” your best friend questioned

“Yeah, but petrified at the same time”

“Did you go over the design with your artist yet? I mean do they know what they’re in for?”

“Well yeah, when I booked the appointment he gave me his phone number and email and I sent him the drawing.” “Hopefully he’s not a total creep, I’ve heard horror stories about people getting these things done you know. I could never get one.”

That night you paced around your room, all that ran through your mind was what could go wrong. What if he messed up, you’d never met Michael, how reliable could he be? And what if he’s a creep? What if he thinks you’re pretentious because of what you were getting done? You lay down and shut your eyes, trying to calm your nerves. It’s going to be okay, you thought, as you dozed off to sleep.

You were awoken by the door slamming shut, signaling your roommate was leaving for work, alerting you of the hour, 12:00, crap. The appointment was set to be at 1:00, and with a half hour bus ride to the shop, being late was on your horizon. Twenty minutes later, after fumbling to get your belongings together, you shot out the door.

Rushing down the street, checking your phone, 12:56, Fuck. Finally, you reached the shop, pushing though the door. The shop was nice, plain walls with pictures of tattoos, famous people who had visited the shop and display cases filled with piercings lined the front walls.

A tall broad brunette greeted your flustered self. “hey there can I help you?” he questioned

“Yeah, I-um have an-um appointment? I think it’s with a guy named Michael?

“Yeah, y/n right? I’m Calum. Mike’s break just ended so he should be out in a second he’s expecting you” he smiled “have a look around the shop, we just got in some merchandise for the shop and some new jewelry, so if you’re into that then just have a look around!” You thanked him, and went to look at a case with earrings in it. The shop had a number of people in it, some waiting to get various parts of themselves pierced, others waiting for artists to ink their skin or look over their designs. Some were simply browsing through the various products the shop sold.

“hey there I’m Michael, you must be y/n” a deep voice said behind you. Spinning around you looked up at a tall man covered in tattoos. His blonde hair messy, and the scruff on his jaw and neck complemented the pale hue of his skin. He had an eyebrow piercing, and green eyes that were littered with flecks of gold. You silently hoped to yourself that he wasn’t a creep, because he was by far one of the most attractive people you’d ever seen.

“y/n” you extended your hand, and he shook it “nice to meet you” “lets get going shall we? I share a studio with Cal, and its right through this door” he motioned to his right as he began to walk towards the open door.

You stepped into the clean room, one wall had two cork boards with pictures, on each of them, one with Mike in cursive in the corner, and the other with Cal in cursive in the corner. You studied the pictures, some were drawings others were filled with friends and smiles.

“so y/n have a seat on that bed and I’ll grab your design, and we can get started. I got your transfer done this morning to speed things up, so I think we’re good to go” he spoke, breaking you out of your trance.

“hm? Yeah sure. Sounds good”. Sitting up on the bed, you felt the nerves setting in again. This was really going to happen, you thought as your leg began to shake.

“this is it right?” he questioned holding up a drawing of a rose with the words “I am enough” scrawled underneath. “Yeah, that’s mine” You smiled at him

“I’m guessing this is your first?”

“That obvious?”

“I’ve been working here for almost a year; I’ve mastered the art of detecting the classic first tattoo scared shitless look from a mile away.” He laughed

You let out a shaky breath, attempting to laugh along.

“hey don’t worry. I got my first one when I was 18, wasn’t that bad. Now look at me I’ve got almost two full sleeves and more on my thighs and stomach.” His eyes were sympathetic. “lets get started okay? Where do you want it?”

“My upper arm please” you told him motioning to the area on your inner arm where your shoulder ended and arm began. “Great” he said moistening a cotton pad before running it over your skin. “this is just to disinfect the area, next I’m going to put the transfer on so I can trace the design on your skin.” He silently worked, cleaning your skin and applying the transfer, before moving to get his gun. Alright so I’m going to start soon, but I need to ask you a couple questions, I know you’ve already filled out the waver and signed off but these are just some basic questions I need to ask.

After the questions concluded he switched on the gun. “I just have to let it warm up for a minute or two. But before I begin I need to let you know don’t worry I’ll start slow. If it gets too much tell me and we can stop okay? Fuck that made it sound like we’re going to fuck sorry.” he laughed awkwardly, rubbing his neck “sorry that was so creepy I swear I don’t mean to be like this I just don’t think about what I’m saying” his face now bright red, as he laughed again. You noticed how his face scrunched up when he laughed “what I’m trying to say y/n is that if it hurts too much, tell me to stop and we can take a break, for a few minutes so you can get yourself together. I’m sorry for being so dumb before”

“it wasn’t dumb. Certainly took my mind off the impending needle that’s going to be in me momentarily.”

“okay good” he grinned “I’m going to start now, alright? Are you ready?”

With a quick nod from you he pressed the needle to your soft skin, as soft wince left your lips. “You’re alright” he spoke soothingly “lets get your mind off the pain, tell me about yourself.”

“well I’m in university, second semester, first year. I’ve wanted this done for as long as I can remember. I-um-shit” you stammered, glancing over at his concentrated face, working away. “that really hurt”

“need a break?”

“I’m good its good, keep going”

“keep talking y/n. It’ll help”

“Well I finally saved up enough for this, and I work or am in school pretty much every day”

“That kind of music do you listen to? What are you into?” he questioned

“Well I really like Twenty-One Pilots, Green Day, Blink 182-and-um-fuck I can’t think right now it hurts too much” you laughed “tell me about yourself”

“well I’m Michael. I’m 22, 23 in November. I went to art school for two years, then did an apprenticeship here after graduation, and now I’m working here”

“I’d ask you more but I don’t want to distract you” you smirked.

The conversation kept going steadily after that. You were shocked by how easy it was to speak to him. Everything felt so natural and easy. He was funny, and kind and made sure you were comfortable at every moment. You told him about work and school, and he asked about music, movies and books. You loved talking to him, he was one of the nicest people you’d ever spoken to. You found out he was in a band with some of his friends, including his co-worker Calum, in his words “we’re kind of shitty but playing in the band is my favourite thing, next to this”

A little over an hour had passed when he pulled the gun from your skin. “alright champ, you’re done” he smiled widely. “How are you feeling?”

“great, little light headed but aside from that I’m good” You glanced down at your arm. “Michael it’s beautiful thank you so much” “I’m glad you like it, remember right when you get out of here get some food. Make sure it fills you up, okay? I don’t want you to faint”

“okay Michael. Thank you, anything else”

“yeah let me just grab you an aftercare kit and then we can ring you up.”

He went through the steps you needed to take, and walked you out of the studio, before ringing you up.

After you paid you gave him a quick hug, thanking him for the intricate art he put into your skin.

“I can walk you out if you’d like” he smiled rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sure, that would be great” You smiled at him

He walked you to the door, in silence, offering to do your next tattoo, if you chose to get it one.

“So-um-y/n I was wondering if maybe you’d like to um maybe, I mean its totally okay if you don’t want to-“ he stammered over his words. “Did you want to maybe get something to eat sometime? Or just hang out?” you finished his sentence

He exhaled nervously. “yeah”

“you have my number from when I sent you the design, right? Just call me or text me when you’re free and we can work something out! I have class and work most days but I’m sure we’ll figure something out” you smiled at him before exiting the shop. You turned to him and smiled.

“I’ll see you soon okay?” you grinned “I’m going to get something to eat, but good luck with any other appointments you’ve got today” “thanks, see you soon I guess” he beamed back, shades of pink tinting his pale skin.

With that you walked down the street, excited about the new art on your skin, and hoping that meeting Michael was the start of something great.

other chapters

I Got a Boy - Chapter 22

IGAB Tag / FF.net (coming soon) / AO3


For the uninformed, periods suck.

For Annabeth, her situation was particularly sucky. While the rest of her body was pretending to be a boy, her insides did not get the memo. They were determined to tell her that she was a fertile woman and not pregnant, a fact she was well aware of. Never mind the bloating, never mind the zits or the cramping, never mind the grumpiness that went hand in hand with all of those symptoms because the truly worst part about periods was that Annabeth couldn’t breathe.

She flushed the toilet and went to the mirror in her dorm bathroom. She stood there, without her shirt, and inspected the ace bandage wrapped around her chest. Since it was her time of the month, her breasts were swollen and larger than usual. To keep them hidden, she would have to tighten things up even more. She unraveled herself like a mummy, twisting the bandage around her wrist, and gasped for air for the first time in way too long. Her skin was red and irritated from the elastic rubbing against the soft flesh on her chest, and her back had lines from where the bandage dug in during morning classes. There had to be a better way than this.

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The Outsiders - Chapter Thirteen

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve |

Okay here’s the last chapter, this as a story (with the notes from each chapter) has over 200 notes now, which is insane and I’m so happy, your messages have been lovely too, and considering I said I’d never show anyone any fics I wrote because they’d think they were terrible, having such a positive reaction has been amazing. Enjoy!

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Dress Up in You (Trixya) - Chapter Five

AN: Back with another chapter. I appreciate you sticking with me after a few very character based instalments with not much action (when I say slow burn I do mean slow!). From this point, everything really kicks off and into the main body of the story. Love you!

Warnings: Same as usual, swearing, smoking, blah blah. Get ready for more exciting warnings in Chapter Six!

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Down in Flames

Fandom: Fire Emblem

Summary: After Takumi finds a strange tome, Leo wants to see him try it out.

Genre: General (with romantic undertones)

Rating: G

Featured Characters: Leo, Takumi

Pairing(s): Leo/Takumi

Chapters: 1

Word Count: 1509

Publication Date: 7 April, 2016

Warnings: none

Extra Notes: Sort of based off of this post. Assume Takumi’s been practicing with magic.

Alt. Links: AO3, ff.net

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Ashton Irwin AU - You're Both YouTubers With Crushes on Each Other (Part Three)

hey guys! so this one kind of has an ending, so you gotta request it if you want a part four… I mean, I’m totally down for whatever you guys want but I do have a plan for a part four so if you want it just tell me and I’ll make it happen :) 

warnings for this are: uhhhh…. is there even any swearing? also warning for me rambling on a bit and stuff, you know how it is

Thank you so much for all the positive feedback - you guys are awesome :) 

enjoy <3

Surprisingly, you didn’t actually get that much shit about it. Aside from a few jealous 5SOS fans, all anyone really said about your tweet was that they shipped the two of you as well, and that, while being kind of annoying, was manageable.

And it wasn’t even that annoying, really, apart from the fact that it was a constant reminder that you had no idea what to do about the whole Ashton situation.

It should have been simple. It would have been, except for the fact that it seemed the entire world either wanted you two to be together or desperately wanted you to break up. Your ship name seemed to trend almost daily on twitter, and your feed was now constantly filled with jealous, adoring, or passionate fans. It was cute, but it was overwhelming, a bit like Ashton himself.

It was all horribly awkward; because you liked him so much and neither of you had the slightest idea of what to do about it. Aside from DMing good mornings to each other from time to time, the two of you didn’t really know how to interact.

A blessing came in the form of Ashton’s next major tweet:

@ashirwiexofficial: good morning London! We’re coming to write songs for a couple weeks… look forward to seeing you xx

Your heart leapt. Did this mean what you thought it meant? You replied quickly, ignoring the voice in the back of your head reminding you what a bad idea this probably was.

@y/t/n: @ashirwiexofficial good old London town! glad to hear your coming to my favourite city!! welcome xx

There. That wasn’t too threatening, and now he could ask if you wanted to hang out without it being really awkward and weird. He replied within the minute.

@ashirwiexofficial: @y/t/n you should show me around :)

You replied hastily.

@y/t/n: @ashirwiexofficial maybe I will… there might even be a collab in your future if you play your cards right Irwin

Twitter exploded, and here it was. The end of the last semi-peaceful moment for a really, really long time. There was now tons of stressing to do, culminating with a particularly panicked phone call you made to your friend at 2.30 in the morning.

“If this is about Ashton I’m hanging up,” she said tiredly, managing to sound snappish even through an enormous yawn. “Actually, no I amend that statement,” she added as an afterthought. “If this is about anything remotely unimportant I am hanging up.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair.

“But Y/F/N, I don’t know what to wear,” you whined.

“Jesus Christ, can’t it wait until a mildly not-ungodly hour?” she asked. “You don’t even know when you’re supposed to be meeting up with him, why don’t you focus on that first? Besides, he’s still in Australia, right?”

“Um, yeah, I think so,” you replied.

“Exactly. Which means you can probably DM him right now and he’ll be awake,” she reasoned.

“Probably,” you agreed.

“Okay, now that we’ve got that sorted, let me go back to sleep.” She hung up without another word, leaving you to open up your DMs for the third time that day and stare silently at the white screen.

Suddenly, a message popped up.

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

Hey you still up

You replied quickly.

Y/N @y/t/n:

I shouldn’t be, it’s like 3 in the morning here

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

oh god sorry you should go to sleep I didn’t wake u up did I

You smiled at how concerned he sounded before responding.

Y/N @y/t/n:

Nope it’s fine I was actually wondering about when ur coming to London

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

B there in a day and a half. u wanna meet up?

Your heartbeat quickened. What were you supposed to say without sounding like a total creep?

Another message popped up during your internal debate.

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

wow I just realised how creepy that sounded sorry I didn’t mean it like that at all idk I just kinda want to meet u in a completely non stalkerish friendship kind of way

God, he was so adorable when he was flustered.

Y/N @y/t/n:

ur rambling bro

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

oh gosh sorry it’s a nervous habit

Aww, he probably felt bad now. As cute as it was, you didn’t want him thinking you were, like, annoyed or something.

Y/N @y/t/n:

no it’s fine it’s kinda cute actually ^-^

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

100% certain that you’re cuter

Okay. That was it. The two of you had to get something straight.

Y/N @y/t/n:

okay I need to meet you asap bc I really want to date you and it would be kinda weird to start dating before we’ve even really met

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

sounds like a plan, beautiful

wanna meet us at the airport?

Yes. Omygod did you want to meet 5 Seconds of Summer at the airport. When you didn’t respond, Ashton kept talking.

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

Cal’s gonna be thrilled he loves u

Y/N @y/t/n:

awww well u can tell him that I love him too

also, do u think this whole endeavor would be a bit easier if we just texted

Ashton Irwin @ashirwiexofficial:

uk I was just thinking that but I didn’t want to be creepy

Y/N @y/t/n:


Ashton Irwin @ashirwinxofficial:

no no that wasn’t what I meant at all you’re brilliant

Y/N @y/t/n:

uh thanks you’re pretty great too ;)

After a bit more meaningless banter, the two of you exchanged phone numbers and spent the rest of the night texting, to the point where it was getting light outside before you realized how much time had actually passed.

You: omygod it’s getting light outside how long have we even been texting for

Ash: um idk but you should really go to sleep

You: yeah probably but I’m having so much fun texting u

Ash: trust me the feelings mutual

Ash: but I don’t want you to be tired all of today

Ash: go to sleep Y/N

You: is this something about me needing my beauty sleep or some shit

Ash: don’t swear

You: …

Ash: and no, you’re already gorgeous

Ash: but nobody wants their favourite youtuber to die from sleep deprivation

You: flattery will get you everywhere

Ash: potato

You: wow I feel so flattered

Ash: French fry

You: fine I’m going to bed

Ash: good morning beautiful

You: you’ve already convinced me to sleep quit it with the flattery

Ash: why

You: because its making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside >:(

Ash: you say that like it’s a bad thing

You: just zip it, Irwin

Ash: ok. Good morning, awesome girl who I’m not allowed to compliment. Sweet dreams xx

You smiled, put down your phone, and your mind was suddenly racked racked with panic about your upcoming interaction with Ashton. You only had around a day left. Despite your intense levels of exhaustion, you felt like you would be wasting valuable time sleeping. Time you could be targeting towards planning your outfit, or rehearsing what in hell you were supposed to say to the gorgeous band member and YouTuber you had been crushing on for the better part of two years now.

Whatever. You were exhausted at this point, so it wasn’t like you would be productive even if you did force yourself to stay awake. You set an alarm for seven hours from now, turned off the light, and curled up under the covers thinking about Ashton and how nice he was, and how you were probably going to meet him soon, and you were totally and completely unprepared. But it was okay, somehow.