Anna!! I keep being filled with this existential dread about how like I'm only going to be me and then I'm going to die and life is so short and idk what happens when we die and!!!!! it is keeping me up at night! and people just say "find ur own meaning in life!" but obviously if it were that easy I would not be stressing over it so much!! and idk how u could help I just need to vent bc I don't want to waste time worrying when I should be enjoying!!!!! grr
It’s all good bbyg I’m here for ya! Honestly I think abt this a lot too. Like, I go to church & I feel with absolute certainty that there is a god who exists and that good feeling that comes w it is perhaps some indication of an afterlife, but at the same time, sometimes I have days and weeks and months where I stay home and live in my own world with no meaning, and maybe all that exists after is oblivion, lack of existence, but I think I don’t mind either way? I don’t remember life before I was born, or maybe I remember it in a way I can never comprehend here, and I don’t suppose I will remember life after I die, which will inevitably happen, and that concept doesn’t scare me? Because when I was a child I was SO set on having a direction in life, and maybe we have grown up as a generation infected with apathy but I have realized in recent years that it doesn’t matter, none of it! And of course it’s good to have direction or do something with your life, but it doesn’t particularly matter if you are good, or bad - indeed, I do not think that either concept exists in any tangible form, rather it is a more fluid and blurry thing, objective, of course! And life is so short but it is also so long, you have countless moments and honestly the wonder of it all is incredible, your atoms rearrange themselves immeasurable times throughout your existence, and the universe shifts and passes through you because it is itself fluid, and the more I think of it, the more I believe that the less I know, the better, because it is all very well chasing all the knowledge of the universe and I still hunger for the passion I had as a child, but were I to have all of that information, I am not sure what I would do with it, and I am not sure what good it would do! Sometimes jusr existing is enough, and something I do believe is that somewhere inside each of us, we are perhaps aware of what it means to be alive, and maybe even what it was before and what it will be after. I don’t know if it in intuition, or maybe the remnants of all the places our atoms have been before, or divine intervention, but surely there is something inside us all that knows and tells us so, and I think it is far too indescribable to put into words, but I think it is the truth of what happens and what we are here for? Or maybe it isn’t and everything is coincidence, but regardless, life moves on and we grow and all you can do is live and exist and do something to pass the time, and minimize the worry you have, because what good does that do! I don’t know, I think I am just venting back to you, stream of consciousness? Maybe none of this made sense but it will all pass in an instant anyway!