i mean i like martha i do

  • Jefferson: Man, I just realized something. I had a terrible childhood.
  • Madison: Yeah, I know.
  • Jefferson: What do you mean, "You know"?!
  • Madison: Look at you, look at how you stand. People who had good childhoods don't stand like that.
Westerberg Team Building Exercise
  • Therapist: Okay, people. The best way to understand a classmate, or a co-worker, is by "stepping" into their shoes.
  • Heather C: But I'm a dainty size three and Heather McNamara has the feet of a Sasquatch!
  • Heather M: He means we act like someone else to see their point of view. For example, I'll be you. *snaps* "Mint me, Candy Girl! Even though you're busy, forget the other customers, 'cause I'm more important! Haha, YAY ME!"
  • Heather C: (as Heather M) "Sorry, Heather. I can't right now because I have to tell you a really boring story about one of my weird relatives. Do me a favor and pretend to listen, would you? While I go on and on and on wearing my REALLY UGLY CLOTHES!!!"
  • Heather D: (as Heather M) "Oh and let's not forget: Now that I'm back from saving the penguins, I want everyone to drop what they're doing and do it the way that I want it!"
  • Martha: (as Heather D) "And I'm Heather Duke! I'm gonna make you do what I say 'cause I'm tough and can crush you like a grape!" *Heather D glares* I was talking about another Heather Duke....
  • Heather D: Uh huh.
  • Veronica: Oh, I'll do Miss Flemming! (as Miss Flemming) "Well... *messes with hair* I suppoooose I could get you to finish dinner in time to see Veronica Sawyer's show, but that would mean working haaaard...."
  • JD: *stands up excitedly* "Coach Ripper! Coach Ripper! Can I take this thing that's working perfectly well and do some convoluted thing to it until it breaks?!" *giggles*
  • Veronica: JD, I don't think you're supposed to do yourself.
  • JD: Oh, I thought I was being Kurt..... *sits down*
  • Coach Ripper: No, no, no. Kurt's more like this, "OHHHH COACH RIPPERRRRR! OH CAN I HAVE THE DAY OFF 'CAUSE MY CHIIIICKEN HAD CHIIIICKEN POX! DID I MENTION THE FACT THAT I HAVE A CHIIIICKEN?!?!" *Kurt stands angrily*
  • Kurt: (as Coach Ripper) "Ohhhhh, very wellllll...... GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! You do that while I just sit in my office talking to my MOMMMY!"
  • *everyone starts fighting*

Can you imagine the kids from Spring Awakening doing Rocky Horror? Because I think about it quite often actually. 

-For starters, Melitta is 100% the director and she got the idea one night when she and Otto accidentally stumbled upon a showing of it, and she just knew that she wanted a go at it.

-Of course fucking Melchior wanted to be Frank N Furter, as he believes himself to be the most sexual, but Hanschen blew away Melitta in auditions and already had his own pair of heels. You already know that Hanschen’s confidence and flair is so fitting for Frank N Furter

-That leaves Melchior begrudgingly playing Brad which can mean there’s only one person who can play Janet: Wendla. And Wendla is in love with the entire musical and super excited to play Janet. You know she’s definitely a Janet–is ignorant and naive but a lot more defensive and feisty than everyone thinks.

-Moritz (especially after DWSA) plays a natural Eddie; he is all about some hot patootie and rock and roll. He doesn’t really like the idea of rehearsing at first, but once everyone knows their lines and there’s nothing to do but have fun with it, he goes so hard. His favorite part is when Hanschen has to kill him, they have so much fun with it.

-Georg, Otto, and Ernst all wanted a minor role, maybe an extra or playing Riff Raff because they were all a little on the shyer side when it came to some of the costumes, so Melitta tried the Riff raff bald cap/wig thing on all of them. All Georg had to do was bend over a little and take off the glasses and he was a dead ringer, leaving the other two boys to await their fate.

-The Role of Rocky Horror still open, Hanschen and Georg rangle Otto and Ernst into shiny gold speedos. As the two most innocent of the guys, no one expects either of them to looks so good or confident as Rocky. Otto looks really nervous but jokingly kisses his biceps and all the girls love it. Ernst, meanwhile, looks straight at Hanschen and signs, You like me like this, don’t you. Everyone is sold and Ernst and Otto take turns being Rocky, both adding their own creative twist on the character.

-That leaves Anna to be Dr. Scott. Anna has no problem taking on the role, but does make Melitta let her mouth/sign the Science Fiction/Double Feature song in the beginning to make up for her predictably playing the guy in the wheelchair.

-OKAY BUT ILSE PLAYS COLUMBIA LIKE A QUEEN. Ilse is the Goddess of being Happy and Bubbly even when she doesn’t feel it so the Columbia role fits like a glove. And the glam of wearing a red wig and all sequins, Ilse revels in it. Plus, I mean, I always thought Columbia was always bitter towards Janet and despite the fact I ship some Ilse x Wendla, I bet Ilse would be somewhat bitter because Wendla was mostly pretty privileged. Anyway, that’s off-subject. No one else can even try for Columbia, they just can’t do it.

-Thea and Martha both try for Magenta, but ultimately Thea feels somewhat uncomfortable with the role. Magenta is melodramatic and somewhat smug-looking and Thea feels it’s too ridiculous. Martha handles it well, especially when put next to Georg. Plus Martha’s hair easily is teased into Magenta’s signature curls.

-Thea settles for Criminologist. It fits her unsurprisingly well.

Shots - John Shelby

John gets shot and he came to you to get patched up.

Shots - John Shelby

He knew he couldn’t go back home, not with the kids there. He’d made that mistake before, thinking he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, and scared the hell out of Katie. She’d been terrified of him for weeks afterward and he’d sworn that he would never put her through that again.

Keep reading

Don’t Hate The Player (Laurens x Reader)

TW: Swearing. That’s it??

Summary: High school AU

Masterlist

You walk down the hall of your new school. You transferred a little over a few weeks ago and already knew who was who. You swipe another coat of red lipstick on as you take your seat in the back of the English class. In front of you was Thomas Jefferson, big flirt but never acted on anything. To your right was Peggy Schuyler; she was harder to figure out. She was quiet and mostly forgotten. She looked strickenly similar to Maria Reynolds from your old school. To your right was John Laurens, resident rich fuckboy. He had a new girl hanging off his arm every week. He pulled out his Beats headphones and started listening to music. You lean back in your chair and rest your head on the wall. You’re pulled out of your trance when Alexander Hamilton walks into class, ten minutes late, and slams the door.

Keep reading

The Perfect Dish (3)

Ten x Rose restaurateur/food critic AU

Word count: 834 |  All Ages (for now)  |  Part 3/?

AO3

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6

Chapter summary:  John and Jack begin to make plans, and Rose tells all to her readers.




“See?  What did I tell you.”  This time it was John’s turn to shove his phone under the nose of his friend.

Jack quickly scanned the email conversation.  “Huh…” he said, genuinely surprised.  “Wow.”

John scowled.  “Wow?  That’s all you can say?  After your speech about the world of culinary criticism?”

“Hey, I stand by my original statement.  Just ‘cause the Chippie Chickadee doesn’t fit the mold doesn’t mean the mold doesn’t exist.”

John rolled his eyes.  “Whatever. Anyway, I need you to help me plan the evening.  I’ve got the perfect dish in mind, but I want everything about the experience to be on point.”

Jack raised an eyebrow.  “'On point’? What is this, a date?”

“What?  No!”  John felt his cheeks color.  “For god’s sake, I don’t even know what she looks like. She might be an 80 year old woman.”

“Age-ist.”

“Stop it.  Will you help me?”

“Sure.  Whatcha need?”

“I need you to take Donna on a date.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

This is about the Heather's au, so if Lotor is JD then is it Lancelot? Does Keith die? Who are Kurt and Ram? Where does Shiro,Allura,and Coran fit in? I'm super interested and really curious about it! Sorry if this is nagging

Yep!!!! I like Lotor as JD because then that means Zarkon is JD’s father and I like to headcanon that the only reason Lotor might be bad is because of his dad, like JD. Reason really isn’t shipping wise but sure if you want

Kurt and Ram…Not sure if the stream decided for them. Shiro and Allura I felt like they’d do good as Lance’s parents and Coran is Ms. Fleming. Shay!! Beautiful Shay is Martha

Handmaid's Tale: Holy Fucking Christ! (Spoilers)

1. Serena: I nearly felt sorry for her throughout this season but after she denied June her daughter, I fucking lost it. Bitch don’t be mad that you enabled your husband by law to act on his horniness. That’s on you for not shutting shit down. I really wanted June to flip you off at the end.
2. The Commander is a dumbass. That is all.
3. I have mixed feelings towards Nick. Like I’m sure he’s at least the best guy within that fucked up regime but I still find him untrustworthy. Also what is June gonna do if she gets back to her husband and she’s pregnant with Nick’s baby.
4. Can we just talk about how nice Canada’s refugee system is? Like they gave Moira a phone, clothes, money, and health care.
5. Fucking Moira made it to Canada and I’m so happy and then June’s husband took her in like I’m literally crying.
6. Aunt Lydia can suck a dick. Like bitch what’s your backstory because I’m betting it’s you being a salty bitch.
7. Was anyone else hoping that all the handmaids would throw rocks at Lydia or that asshole who hit Ofglen?
8. June walking out of the house like a boss is everything! I assume June is safe but I can’t tell if that means she’s getting out of the country or if she’s gonna end up at some under ground bunker led by Mayday
9. What is Martha gonna do with those letters? Like I hope she does something with them because those were so fucking important!
10. Someone save Janine. Like literally #savejanine

jasonthekillerdean  asked:

I really like seeing happy stories about JD were he isn't insane! And its rare to find actually good stories but yours are amazing! I really liked the one about buying gifts for Veronica's birthday, so can you please do another story on that but at the birthday party when Veronica receives the gifts? I would really appreciate it if you did! But you don't have to, only if you want to do it!

Thank you so so so much! I’m so happy you like my stories I work really hard on them hahah. I’m so happy you liked that story! I worked especially hard on that one, I remember it took me a while. Sure you can have a sequel! I hope you like it!!!!

Read the last one here! https://pure-jdronica.tumblr.com/post/161662531904/i-love-that-story-and-if-you-dont-mind-i-was


“Open this one first because it’s better than what anyone else got you.” Heather Chandler threw Mac out of the way and handed Veronica a box. Veronica rolled her eyes and laughed lightly, taking the gift from her friend.

“I can’t believe you guys set up this whole party for me!” Veronica gushed. Mac gave her a big hug and Veronica ripped the wrapping paper off Heather’s gift. “Oh my god, Heather.” Veronica broke off laughing, falling back. When the others saw the gift they laughed too.

“What is so funny?” Heather asked. The gift for Veronica was an outfit, identical to Heather’s, only in blue instead of red. “I thought you could use some hot clothes. And I dress the best out of anyone here, so you’re welcome.” She gave Veronica a little wink.

“I love it, Heather. It’s funny, but I love it.” Veronica assured. “I’ll wear out tonight.” She assured.

“I don’t get what’s so funny. I mean it’s no secret that I dress the best.” Heather sat down and crossed her legs.

“Here, Veronica, open ours.” Kurt handed Veronica the pink box that Martha picked out. “We all put stuff in there.” He smiled.

“Martha! We had this same box when we were kids!” Veronica gasped, looking at it up and down. “Oh my god! It’s exactly the same!” She gushed.

“I know! I saw it and had to get it.” Martha giggled. Veronica opened the box and smiled at the pretty blue bracelet Martha had gotten her. “How do you like it, Ronnie?” She asked, with a hint of nerves. Veronica gave her a hug.

“I love it!” She smiled. She looked back in the box and took out the small football. “Oh my gosh! You guys all signed it.” Veronica laughed, looking at all her friend’s signatures.

“It’s our own game ball!” Ram grinned.

“This is so sweet and thoughtful and-” Veronica cut herself off. “Kurt, what the hell is this?” She asked, pointing to the lewd picture he drew along with his signature on the ball.

“Oh. That is a picture of a naked woman’s large breasts, you see.” He explained.

“Why?”

“Because that way, I signed across the picture of her boobs. So it was like I was signing her boobs. Like rock stars do.” He explained. “It’s actually pretty clever if you think about it.” Kurt assured. Veronica looked at the ball for a moment longer.

“I’m gonna put this side facing the wall.” She decided, earning a laugh from her friends. Except Kurt who just threw his hands in the air, shaking his head.

“Ronnie, this one’s from me.” Heather Duke handed Veronica a little box, pushing the football out of the way. Ram made a face at her and they bickered for a moment before Duke urged Veronica to open the gift. Veronica took out the gift and immediately shook her head and sighed.

“What the hell, Duke?” JD put his head in his hands.

“What?” Duke asked. Veronica was holding a blank prescription pad. “She was blessed with the gift to copy handwriting. The least she can do is copy a few doctor’s.” Duke shrugged. Veronica was shaking her head, but laughing all the same.

“Where did you even get an entire prescription pad?” Veronica asked.

“My doctor gave it to me.” Duke bragged “He’s sort of in love with me.”

“You need to find a new doctor.” JD spoke with a bit of a frightened tone.

“I’m not writing any more prescriptions. Remember how much trouble we almost got in when the pharmacist found out last year?” Veronica reminded Duke. “We only got away with it because the pharmacist knew Mac’s dad, and she begged him not to tell.” Veronica finished the story. “God we were so dumb as juniors.”

“What were you guys even trying to get?” JD asked.

“Diet pills.” Mac responded. This caused the boy to break out into laughter.

“Diet pills? You went through all of that for diet pills? You weren’t even trying to get high, you just wanted diet pills?” e laughed until Veronica hit him in the shoulder.

“Well I got you a legal gift, Ronnie.” Mac grinned and handed her a little box. Veronica opened it and gasped.

“Oh my god! Mac, this is gorgeous.” She fussed, picking the glittering rhinestone hair comb out of the box. It would looked amazing keeping her hair together, and the stones had a bit of a blue tint, so they would go with her regular wardrobe.

“Oh I’m so happy you like it! It’s new in the jewelry catalog in my dad’s store.” She explained. “It’s not in stores or anything yet, we’re getting them in next month. So you’re the first to have one!” Mac gushed. Veronica gave her a big hug.

“I love it!” She told her. The girls finished hugging and JD tapped Veronica.

“Mind if I steal you for a sec?” He asked. Veronica nodded and he handed her a box meant for jewelry. Veronica opened it and a very sweet and sincere smile crossed her face as she looked at the necklace with the sapphire on it.

“How did you know this is the one I wanted?” She asked, very excitedly. “Oh JD it’s so pretty! I love it so much, thank you!” She grinned, throwing her arms around her boyfriend. JD hugged her back and gave her a fast kiss. “How did you know?” Veronica asked.

“I know my girlfriend really well.” He lied.

“You did not!” Heather Chandler hissed. “You had no clue what to get her and were stressing out, so I picked it out for you!” She grumbled. Veronica burst out laughing a JD shrugged.

“I could have figured it out.” He lied again. Heather shook her head. “Well I wrapped it.” He then added, crossing his arms smugly. Veronica shook her head and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“You did a wonderful job, JD.” She assured. Heather shook her head and sat down.

“Unbelievable. You help a helpless boyfriend out and this is how I am repaid.” She spoke. “And by the way, Mac wrapped it! You gave up after five attempts. Veronica, did you know your boyfriend can’t work tape? He just can’t do it. He had this necklace in a big ball of wrapping paper and tape. It was awful.” She continued.

“Yeah, I learned that last Christmas.” Veronica smiled and put her head against JD. “But I love him anyway… even if he has trouble understanding the science behind tape.”

anonymous asked:

How does sugar daddy!thomas handle you crying (like if someone else made you cry or you just feel sad about how you look etc.) oooor on the rare occasion if he cries how do you handle it?? (Sorry for the long ask)

you crying

  • in general, he gets nervous
    • you don’t cry very often so he’s trying to be careful.
  • if you go right to him when you cry, he’ll pull you to his chest
    • you can cry as long as you need to. he’s there for you
  • if you’re the type to play it off and insist everything’s fine, he’s gonna know something is wrong.
    • he’s going to press you a little. please don’t get offended, he just wants to help
    • thomas knows your body language well enough to know you’re not okay
    • he’ll stop you and be like “baby, tell me what’s wrong” 
    • if you don’t want to talk, it’s okay. he’s gonna hug you so you know he’s there for you
    • if you do talk, even better. it’s good to know that you trust him enough with whatever it is.

if someone makes you cry

  • he’s ready to kill
    • you saw how he flipped out about martha coming after you so you know he’s very protective of you
    • you’re naturally very protective of each other, but he’s especially protective of you
  • he’s gonna ask for a name
    • he’ll try to convince you to tell him or at least point the person out to him but if you don’t want to, it’s okay
    • if you do tell him, be prepared to hold him back
    • take his hand if you don’t want him to do anything–he’ll get the hint
  • he’s gonna ask everyone in your circle about what happened
    • and by “everyone in your circle” he means peggy
    • peggy will spill anything you don’t
    • you want to be mad at the both of them for going behind your back but yelling at them is useless
      • they’re not bothered by it
    • they actually admit to it
    • peggy’s like “yeah, i told thomas that martha was sending you those messages” or “of course i told thomas about what happened at the bar last night”
    • thomas is like “yeah i called peggy. you were really upset”
  • he just cares about you too much

if he cries

  • it’s a very bad day when you see him crying
    • you’re terrified–your thomas doesn’t cry
  • even then, he’s very private about it
  • he’ll insist everything is fine and try to get you to leave him alone but his eyes give it away
    • they’re shiny and tinged with red
    • don’t let him push you away…he needs you
  • you just hug him
    • the sad thing is, you can feel him slowly breaks down
    • he’s not a loud crier; he’s very quiet about it
    • you know because you can feel his tears slip onto your clothes
    • it breaks your heart but you just hold him tight
  • he might not want to talk–don’t be offended
    • he just doesn’t want to burden you with something like this. 
    • encourage him to talk anyway. he’s been keeping a lot of stuff inside. 
  • if you can, ask james if he knows anything about it
    • if he doesn’t then that’s how you know it’s serious
    • thomas and james talk about everything so if his best friend doesn’t even know what’s wrong, it tells you something isn’t right
    • but again, if he doesn’t want to talk, don’t force him
    • he’ll tell you when he’s ready
  • hug and kiss him
    • he needs that validation and that reminder that you love him
    • just stay with him for the night and make sure he’s okay
    • he’s going to be really quiet…he’s tired
    • love on him a little more and he’ll be okay in the end
    • usually by the next morning, he’s back to his regular self

Hello, how great you come to read my little post, thanks a lot :) 

So where do I start?

My name is Martha, I’m 17 but age doesn’t mean a lot to me to be honest. In my opinion, age is mostly a mind thing, it depends on how you feel and especially what people you hang out with.

So yeah, I live in Austria which is really small and in the middle of Europe. I’m able to speak English and German fluently and am currently learning Japanese, I love languages.

I like to mention that I appreciate any kind of art a lot, art is basically not only my biggest hobby, but the biggest part of me. The art I myself regularly participate is writing, I’m into poetry a lot, especially spoken word. And I also love making short films, which is my major at art school. My goal is to become a director one day.

Besides the stuff I do by myself, I also really like to have good conversations. I like to talk to people, to watch them and to really get to know them. I’m a listener, so please just tell me about your day and i’ll be happy. Or we could go a little further, we could talk about people’s minds and the standards society wants us to believe in and what’s the best and the worst part about growing up and what we think about when we can’t sleep at night. 

So you see, i just want an honest and open minded friendship. There is nothing I could care less about than age, gender, sexuality and where you come from. I want something special and especially long lasting, I’m absolutely no good if you intend to only write one or two letters and that’s it. And yeah, snail mail is what I’m looking for! I love exchanging long letters and small gifts so much, so if you’re into that, you’ve come to the right person :)  

so yeah, just contact me if you are interested, it would make me very happy to get to know you!

please send me tumblr message:

x-marthart-x.tumblr.com

Have a nice day, see you soon! :)

missmeganrachel  asked:

You have a lot to answer for missy!! Today I decided to watch Assassins Creed purely to perv on Fassy....but no I'm sitting here rewinding because Jeremy bloody Irons is in it and I'm suddenly attracted him!! Why do you do this to me?!

What do you mean suddenly attracted to Jeremy Irons?

OH YOU SHOULD’VE SUCCUMBED AT THIS POINT.

Fine… no one can survive this.

A guide to fall helplessly fall in love with Jeremy Irons.

Let me show you something. So he was on the Martha Stewart show like 7 years ago, and he was just… OMG.

In this video, you get playful Jeremy, Sassy Jeremy, “I need my glasses” Jeremy, “I help mum in the kitchen and need approval” Jeremy… i could go on but he’s just delightful.

I will guide you through this:

PART I:

2:03 “My bedroom” (The whole castle talk really)
3:35 Playful sassy Jeremy lying about dragons
4:10 “My wife”. RUDE. Ahahaha!
4:22 BIG MOUTH.
4:44 “MMM!”
5:03 “Can i have one?”
5:35 “I’m a cook”
5:47 THE CUTE SPOON OMG.
5:52 MISBEHAVING
6:15 Reminder… I AM A COOK
6:47 “I LOVE THE MACHINERY!”
7:26 “Do you want me to whisk this?” (Honestly by this part, you should already be in love)
8:00 Looking for approval. All “Is this perfect, darling? should i whisk again?”
8:32 HE MAKES DESSERT
8:37 CLOSENESS
8:44 “DO YOU WANT ME TO WASH UP?”
9:05 “Have you seen ‘Damage’. THAT WAS NAUGHTY WASN’T IT?”
9:15 EATING

PART II (THIS AIN’T OVAH!)

0:05 FLIRT
0:35 SASS
1:27 Cutting technique
1:43 MORE SASS
2:12 CHILD!
2:30 NAUGHTY LITTE SAUSAGE!
3:25 Cookie biting à la Hiddles
4:14 1800s GENTLEMAN/SHAMELESS
4:30 FITTING WHOLE COOKIE INTO MOUTH

I have to make gifs of this tbh… it’s just lovely. I can’t. I love him.

GOOD LUCK!

~A.Wölf.

Hey look, it’s a 2k fic from Yachter Otter’s POV! :D

Why? Why not!

Sorry. Not sorry.

Five Times Yachter Otter Was Part of the Knope-Wyatt Family (and One Time He Wasn’t Yet)

February 2026

It’s dark.

Well, it’s been dark for awhile but even though he can’t see anymore, Yachter Otter can tell he’s somewhere else. And then he’s gently being lifted up and set down on a flat surface.

“Hi? Hello? Oh, there you are. Hi. Ben Wyatt. Um, I don’t know if you remember me but–”

“Oh! I do! You’re the one that used to buy all the stuffed animals. It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah,” he hears Ben answer with a laugh. Although sometimes he’s called babe or congressman or dad at home. Sometimes daddy, but it’s been a year or two since Yachter Otter has heard that version of the man’s name regularly.

“That’s me. So, I was wondering if–”

“Yes, I could definitely make you three bears dressed up as past presidents. Which ones?”

“No that’s okay…well, huh. Actually, that sounds kind of cute. Maybe Roosevelt, Kennedy, and…No, no. Never mind. That’s not why I’m here. I was wondering if–”

“Oh! What happened to this little guy?”

He’s being picked up and examined. Poked and prodded, but not roughly.

“Yeah. That’s why I’m here. Can you fix him? He’s kind of important to my wife. And well, to the kids. You know, I’m kind of fond of him too, I guess.”

Yachter Otter would roll his eyes if he could. But, he guesses he’s slightly fond of this one too.

“His monocle is gone.”

“Ah, yes, a camping trip a couple of years ago. Wes took him on our hike and when we got back to the tents, no monocle. We looked, but we couldn’t find it anywhere. Leslie told the kids it was okay, that he’d get a contact lens.”

“Hmmm. And it says…butt on the top of his captain’s hat? Why does it say butt on the top of his hat?”

“Oh, that. Yeah, it wasn’t me. That was um…see, we have triplets. And there was a period, back when they were learning to spell, that pretty much every surface of our house had the word butt scribbled on it. Unfortunately, this one is in permanent marker. And then, we all kind of thought it was funny, especially Stephen, who was probably the one who wrote it. But, yeah, he should probably get a new hat.”

“I can put a new one on him,” the woman says. “What happened to his arm? And his eyes?”

It’s a good thing Yachter Otter can’t feel pain, because his right flipper has been nearly severed for a few days now. And his eyes fell out awhile before that.

It’s funny, he remembers a time, way back when he first started living with them, when he wished he didn’t have eyes, but he’s found now that he misses seeing his family (plus thankfully, he hasn’t had a front row seat for noisy times in quite awhile).

Although, he’s pretty sure those times still happen with great frequency.

He hears Ben sigh, “The dog. In fact, I just found this little guy in the hallway last night. I think Bark Obama, that’s our dog, has been using him as a chew toy. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, we just moved back to Indiana full-time from DC.”

“I can fix him. Sew him back together. Get him a new hat and monocle. Oh, and a new medallion for his neck.”

“You remember that? The necklace?”

Yachter Otter hears a laugh. “It’s not like I’ve made that many playboy otters lost at sea in my career.”

“Fair point. Okay. That would be perfect. Thank you. Any chance you could have him done by Valentine’s Day at the end of the week? I kind of wanted to give him to my wife again this year, you know, all fixed up and like new. I gave Yachter Otter to her on Valentine’s Day, um, fourteen years ago, back when we were dating. Now we have three kids and she’s running for Governor.”

“And you’re regifting a stuffed animal as your Valentine’s Day present? To the possible future Governor of Indiana? The mother of your children?”

“No. I’m not regifting-regifting, I gave it to her already…oh. I see what you’re saying. I should probably do flowers or something else too, right?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Hmmm. Well, anyway, thanks for your help.” Yachter Otter gets a soft pat on the head. “See you soon, buddy.”

April 2020

His new location is in the bigger bedroom with all the small ones again–their names are Wesley, Sonia, and Stephen. He likes them all of course, but Wesley is his favorite. That’s whose bed he sleeps in and who cuddles him at night.

Li'l Sebastian is usually snuggled up with Stephen, and the girl, she has about twenty stuffed animals, including a very condescending ostrich named BoBo. Sonia also plays with a hard rectangle she calls Dr. Buttons.

He’s just sitting there one afternoon when Wesley comes into the room, crying. He plops down on his bed and hugs Yachter Otter, sobbing into his furry otter belly.

Yachter Otter wishes he could hug the little boy back.

“Wes? Hey, Wesley?”

He watches as Ben walks in and sits down on the bed next to his son. “What’s wrong?”

The small one sits up and sniffles. “Daddy.”

Soon Yachter Otter is set down on the bed and Ben is hugging Wesley. “It’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I drew a picture and no one knows what it is.”

Ben looks confused. “Where? On the wall?”

“No, daddy, I know the rules. At school. Everyone always knows what Stephen draws. He’s better at drawing. I’m no good.”

They’re sitting close together now, Wes practically on his father’s lap. “You’re very good, even if your pictures aren’t as obvious as your brother’s. That doesn’t mean his are better, you just see things differently.”

“Because of my glasses?”

Ben smiles and wipes Wes’s tears away with his fingers. “Well, mostly because you’re a different person than Stephen, and you see the world differently. And you draw differently. And that’s okay, it’s how it should be.”

Wes sniffles again and uncrumples a balled up piece of paper. The one he’d tossed on the bed when he first came in. “Do you know what that is?”

Yachter Otter is glad that he’s not being asked this question because Yachter Otter has no clue what that is…a traffic cone? A wedge of cheese?

Ben studies the work of art carefully. “Um, well…I think that’s a carrot?”

Wesley’s face lights up. and he starts to smile “Yeah! And what’s that?” He points to a multicolored blob beneath the carrot.

“Oh, well…I’m sorry, honey. I’m not quite sure, but if you tell me what it is, I’m sure I’ll see it.”

“It’s Benjamin Franklin flying a carrot instead of a kite. And that’s Yachter Otter taking notes for the newspaper and talking with Uncle Andy.”

Ben smiles and peers closer. “Wow. Okay. There’s a lot going on there. Hey, is Andy playing a broccoli guitar?”

Wes nods excitedly.

“This is very creative and colorful. Why don’t we put this up in the kitchen so mommy can see it tonight? I’m sure she’ll love it as much as I do.”

November 2014

Everyone’s been gone for a couple of days.

Leslie had been getting larger and larger and thankfully, the noises (and sights) had gotten a little less frequent over the last few weeks. Although, the other night, Ben did that thing with his mouth that Yachter Otter has never quite been able to understand.

That had certainly made Leslie very noisy.

But now, they’re back home, with three small and crying bundles. and she’s moving a little slower than usual and Ben is doting on her and bringing her things–food, juice, adjusting her pillows, and handing the babies to her to nurse against her chest.

There are other people here too fussing over the whole scene.

Yachter Otter thinks he knows what’s going on here. They finally had a litter of pups.

A couple of days later, he gets moved to another bedroom, this one is light green and has three cribs, a rocking chair, and dancing animal paintings on the wall. He knows what this is too–it’s the den where the new pups are being kept.

He’s up high on a shelf next to Li'l Sebastian, above a table where the new ones are cleaned up. It’s kind of a smelly location, and he and the mini-horse spend a lot of time complaining to each other about the odors.

But still, he thinks he likes these new additions to the family.

October 2012

It’s quieter lately.

Ben is not around anymore, although he thinks it’s not a permanent thing  because he and Leslie still talk to each other on their laptops every night. But, he’s no longer sleeping next to her in the bed all the time–just occasionally when he visits on weekends.

Today Ann is over. Ann is a beautiful, lyrical sunbeam, at least that’s what Leslie calls her.

“I’m just not sure…” Leslie trails off, running her hands along Yachter Otter’s belly, where he sits in her lap. “He seems so happy, out there in DC being all smart and political. Of course, he’d want to go to Florida and work on another campaign. He did travel all the time before, he probably misses that lifestyle.”

“But you just found that great house. Maybe you could–”

Leslie shakes her head. “No. I think he wants to take this new job. And that’s great. I mean, I don’t like it at all and it’s awful but I totally and fully support Ben  and his dreams. Maybe after this campaign is over? But, for now, it doesn’t make sense to rent the house when it’s just me. I’ll just go over and look at it one more time. To say goodbye.”

“Do you want company?”

She shakes her head. “That’s okay, go see Jerry at the hospital. I can go by the rental myself. Besides, I’ll find a better house for us later. One with a trampoline room. Because I don’t think Martha knows what she’s talking about there–I’m sure some houses have trampoline rooms.”

March 2012

What are they doing?

He’s heard these noises before, but Leslie, that’s the blonde one’s name, usually turns him around so he’s facing the wall before they happen. But right now, he can see everything.

Apparently, hair color is not the only way to tell these two apart when they’re naked.

Is he…hurting her? No. No, Yachter Otter thinks, she seems to like it, whatever he’s doing.

“Oh no! Yachter Otter! I forgot to turn him so he couldn’t watch us.”

The one with the very prominent penis laughs (he’d be a big hit at yacht parties, Yachter Otter thinks). “Babe. He’s a stuffed animal.”

“Yeah, but–”

“Besides, if he’s going to live here, he might as well get used to this.”

He watches as they smile and laugh and roll around some more on the bed until the woman is on top, bouncing and moaning, and at least they look happy?

Of course, Yachter Otter wishes he could close his eyes and give them some privacy to mate–he finally figured out that’s what they were doing–but unfortunately, his eyes are permanently open. That was convenient for navigating the waters but now, in his new noisy home, it might be a small problem.

February 2012

He’s used to yacht parties and super models. Dry martinis and caviar. And then one day when he was out at sea, just thinking and planning his next adventure,  he got lost in the high waves. Thankfully, he still has his monocle, even though that was mostly for show. He can see perfectly fine without it.

Then he was in a car…a Saturn? Which, being a playboy otter, seemed far beneath him somehow.

His next location is an office, behind a desk as he watches someone lead another someone closer, but the taller one has his paws over the shorter one’s eyes, so they’re walking slowly and laughing.

Apparently, the one had a dream about him–a playboy otter lost at sea. But how did he get here?

And why are they smashing their faces together now?

reinbrent-love  asked:

I'm stalking your blog bc I love it and I was just wondering if you do headcanons??? I'm a huge fan of them, especially for Moritz and Wendla

omg!! ok! first of all i love you soSO much because you reminded me that i needed to put some headcannons down that i had floating in my brain!! and my two loves?? my angels?? anything for them

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  • What I say: I'm fine
  • What I mean: Veronica Sawyer literally got away with killing three people, I mean regardless of intention all three died and then she just pretends it never happens after JD dies like doesn't tell anyone that he actually killed them and they didn't kill themselves and that it was all a ruse she legit could have even lied and been like lol he was gonna kill me if I said anything, she just gets away with it and then is all buddy buddy with Martha who she fucked over super nasty and do people just not notice JD is gone ??? Absolutely wild what a terrible school.
A Fraction of Your Smile

Donut Siblings return! Even more specifically, General Martha makes her return! 

Martha got an alien sword for like five seconds in Here Comes the General, and as we all know, those have a tendency to result in alien babies. So when @goodluckdetective asked for one of the sisters and a baby, I saw my chance and took it. (For the Charlie verse fans, don’t worry; Locus still manages to get Charlie somehow. I would not deny the world Charlie.) 

Prompts are still open!

Pairings: Gen, implied Tuckington

Warnings: Non-consensual pregnancy. 

Ao3

Martha has long since given up on being able to predict the course of her life. She joins the army after her brother dies, only for her brother to show up nearly a decade later, alive, well, and using a different name. She spends her whole life looking up to him, only to find out he let them all think he was dead for years, and that he shot her little brother. She thinks she’s fighting a war for the right reasons, but it’s all a joke. She thinks she’s just a grunt in the army, but she ends up a general.

She thinks she’ll get to go home, when the war is done, but there’s the awful truth of politics. She can’t leave Kimball alone to deal with all of this.

She thinks she’ll die in Armonia, in the heart of a nuclear explosion, but Carolina is close by with her speed boost and drags her out just in time, barely making it to the Pelican before the words “too late” can pass her lips, but not before apologies and requests to Wash make themselves known.

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Title: Parallels
Word count: 4,477
Summary: Dick has noticed many parallels between himself and both Bruce and Damian.
Sort of a mood piece, and a little too long for that. No real plot, just a couple of ideas that wanted to be written.

I would like to thank @fire-fira and @thrakaboom for their help with this piece! ❤️

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