i mean i get the joke

all our younger years (26k, mature) by reveries_passions for futureisforgiven

tags: Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Angst, Cliche Summer Things, Fetus Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Summer, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Illegal Activities, Football Stadiums, Kissing in the Rain, Kissing Under the Stars, Holding Hands, Crying, Implied Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying in the Rain

prompt: 

“Is this going to get us in trouble?”
“Depends what you mean by trouble.”
“Remember the water balloon incident of 2010?”
“It won’t be as bad as that.”
“That’s still not comforting Lou.”
“C'mon, Harry. It’s the summer, cut loose a bit, have some fun.”
“Your definition of fun usually includes something illegal.”
“Exactly!”
or louis encourages harry to do stupid shit cause he’s the adventurous one and harry goes along with it because he’s madly in love with his best friend.

summary: in which harry and louis are inseparable trouble makers who think they have everything figured out, but as it turns out, they don’t, and they have one summer left together until louis goes to university.

written for the @hlficexchange2017!

anonymous asked:

Had a customer at Windick make a crude joke, I kept silent and continued to bag his stuff. He gets pissy because apparently "good customer service means laughing at customers jokes." I nod and continue to silently scan and bag. He then asks "how much do you like your job? Because I'm telling corporate you're rude as hell, what's your name?" I hand him my badge, as this was my last week at this job since being hired as a manager elsewhere and tell him to have a wonderful day. I was let go early.

Tell them. They know my name well. Of course that will also mean the second you mention my name they stop listening. They’ve worked with me in a store for years. They know my personality. So they will not believe a word you say. Just an FYI.

-Rodney.

anonymous asked:

YES! TRL is honestly shit. They said the twins were going to be hosts, but they have them drinking punch out of shoes? Doing handstands and drinking water? Putting ice down their pants? I mean seriously?! That's so offensive. Whoever is their manager NEEDS to get them out of this fucked up contract. They're making them look like jokes, like they're nothing but a pretty face.

This! What kind of stupid challenges are these? Like yeah, sure, they’re doing stupid challenges on their youtube videos because that’s what they’re all about but the producers are treating them like garbage, it’s nowhere near funny. I was so against this from the start but I felt like keeping my mouth shut was probably the best option. Doesn’t feel like it is the best option anymore. I just sincerely hope that the twins won’t stick around for long, because they’re being humiliated in every way on that trashy show.

Nick never loved me.
He loved a girl who doesn’t exist. A girl I was pretending to be. The Cool Girl. Men always use that as the defining compliment, right? She’s a cool girl.
Being Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker and dirty jokes, who plays videogames and chugs beer, loves threesomes and anal sex and jams chilidogs into my mouth like I’m hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang-bang while remaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all hot.
Hot and understanding. Cool girls never get angry at their men, they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner. Go ahead! Shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the cool girl.
I waited patiently-years-for the pendulum to swing the other way, for men to start reading Jane Austen, organize scrapbook parties and make out with each other while we leer. And then we’d say, yeah, he’s a cool guy.
Instead, women across the nation colluded in our degradation! Pretty soon every girl was Cool Girl, and if you weren’t, then there was something wrong with you.
But it’s tempting, to be Cool Girl. For someone like me, who likes to win, it’s tempting to be the girl every guy wants. When I met Nick I knew that’s what he wanted. For him, I was willing to try.
I couldn’t have been Cool Girl with anyone else. I wouldn’t have wanted to. Nick teased things out in me I didn’t know existed: A lightness, a humor, an ease.
And I made him smarter, sharper. I forced him to rise to my level.
I was happier for those few years, pretending to be someone else, than I ever have been before or after.
But then it had to stop, because it wasn’t me! I hated Nick for being surprised when I became me.
He couldn’t believe I didn’t love wax-stripping my pussy raw and blowing him on request. That my fantasy baseball team was not a labor of love.
It had to stop. Committing to Nick, feeling safe with Nick, being happy with Nick, made me realize that there was a Real Amy in there, and she was so much better, more interesting and complicated and challenging, than Cool Girl.
But Nick wanted Cool Girl anyway.
Can you imagine, finally showing your true self to your soulmate, and having him not like you?
—  Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl 2014)

anonymous asked:

whats the [mistake] omake mean? i feel like the joke hinges on the last panel and i don't get it

Yomo made a ‘mistake’ in his plan to electrocute Mutsuki, and ended up getting electrocuted himself :’D

My Comic Con Experience With Stan Lee

So I was at a Comic Con (not the big San Diego one) and Stan Lee was on panel there joking around answering questions. Literally every other question was about DC. You could tell he was getting tired of these questions so when the next guy got up and asked another DC question he was a little salty with his response.

Guy: So who would win in a fight, Batman or Superman?

Stan Lee: You know I worked for Marvel right?

Guy: Yeah but I wanna know who you’d think would win

Stan Lee: Isn’t there a movie about that? I mean, I know nobody saw it but still

We all burst out laughing after that, even the guy who asked the question. Nobody had a DC question after that.

anonymous asked:

Sorry if the North Korea joke was offensive!! I didn’t mean to bother anyone

No no, you’re cool. I understood you weren’t trying to make a joke out of the situation or make light of it, more referencing an unfortunate potential outcome to the bloody pissing contest going on… my response to it was a saying (I don’t know how common ‘touch wood’ is) I use quite a lot when a bad potential situation is mentioned, it’s like a saying to ward off bad omens of it actually happening but yeah - I get where you were coming from and don’t worry too much about it, I just took it down to make sure nobody else got upset by the mention of it 👍

I’m Gay

I’m gay. Yes, many of us are. We’re all gay, kids.

But that doesn’t mean that that is literally all that can define me. I’m a writer. I’m a reader. I’m an artist. A sibling, a child, a cousin. We all make those jokes that are just us saying “haha I’m gay, ya know?” I often say “I’m gay for x” or whatever. But that doesn’t mean that’s all I am.

When asked to describe myself, I do often say “I’m a lesbian” but that’s simply because I want to get it out in the air as soon as possible, as well as it’s still very exciting news to me! For so long I didn’t know, and now I do! Good for me!

But I follow that up with “I love to write, I want to be an English teacher, I don’t want kids of my own, but I do love taking care of them- at least for a short while. My favorite color is blue, and I can’t wait to be able to go home and talk to my mom and tell her about my day.”

I am more than just a single facet of my personality, a single part of my being, but do others see that? Do others see me as Alex the teacher, writer, artist, and lastly lesbian, or do they simply see me as a nonbinary lesbian, defined by two things that I’ve only recently discovered about myself?

I don’t know. I really don’t. I know I see others as the sum of their parts, writers, doctors, students, teachers, but do people afford me the same courtesy?

I wish I knew.

Could people stop making fun of us who headcanon Sherlock as asexual, please? I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t love anyone, it also doesn’t mean he can’t have sex with anyone ffs, it just means he lacks sexual attraction, either completely or partially… I get it if you don’t have the same headcanon but could you stop throwing us under the bus? I headcanon Sherlock as ace AND I ship Sheriarty like mad it doesn’t collide ok… do you realize that ace representation and a character we can relate to means a lot to us, too?

That night at the Brooklyn party, I was playing the girl who was in style, the girl a man like Nick wants: the Cool Girl. Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: ‘I like strong women.’ If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because ‘I like strong women’ is code for ‘I hate strong women.’)
I waited patiently – years – for the pendulum to swing
the other way, for men to start reading Jane Austen, learn how to knit, pretend to love cosmos, organize scrapbook parties, and make out with each other while we leer. And then we’d say, Yeah, he’s a Cool Guy.
But it never happened. Instead, women across the nation colluded in our degradation! Pretty soon Cool Girl became the standard girl. Men believed she existed – she wasn’t just a dreamgirl one in a million. Every girl was supposed to this girl, and if you weren’t, then there was something wrong with you.
But it’s tempting to be Cool Girl. For someone like me, who likes to win, it’s tempting to want to be the girl every guy wants. When I met Nick, I knew immediately that was what he wanted, and for him, I guess I was willing to try. I will accept my portion of blame. The thing is, I was crazy about him at first. I found him perversely exotic, a good ole Missouri boy. He was so damn nice to be around. He teased things out in me that I didn’t know existed: a lightness, a humor, an ease. It was as if he hollowed me out and filled me with feathers. He helped me be Cool Girl – I couldn’t have been Cool Girl with anyone else. I wouldn’t have wanted to. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy some of it: I ate a MoonPie, I walked barefoot, I stopped worrying. I watched dumb movies and ate chemically laced foods. I didn’t think past the first step of anything, that was the key. I drank a Coke and didn’t worry about how to recycle the can or about the acid puddling in my belly, acid so powerful it could strip clean a penny. We went to a dumb movie and I didn’t worry about the offensive sexism or the lack of minorities in meaningful roles. I didn’t even worry whether the movie made sense. I didn’t worry about anything that came next. Nothing had consequence, I was living in the moment, and I could feel myself getting shallower and dumber. But also happy.
Until Nick, I’d never really felt like a person, because I was always a product. Amazing Amy has to be brilliant, creative, kind, thoughtful, witty, and happy. We just want you to be happy. Rand and Marybeth said that all the time, but they never explained how. So many lessons and opportunities and advantages, and they never taught me how to be happy. I remember always being baffled by other children. I would be at a birthday party and watch the other kids giggling and making faces, and I would try to do that, too, but I wouldn’t understand why. I would sit there with the tight elastic thread of the birthday hat parting the pudge of my underchin, with the grainy frosting of the cake bluing my teeth, and I would try to figure out why it was fun.
With Nick, I understood finally. Because he was so much fun. It was like dating a sea otter. He was the first naturally happy person I met who was my equal. He was brilliant and gorgeous and funny and charming and charmed. People liked him. Women loved him. I thought we would be the most perfect union: the happiest couple around. Not that love is a competition. But I don’t understand the point of being together if you’re not the happiest.
I was probably happier for those few years – pretending to be someone else – than I ever have been before or after. I can’t decide what that means. But then it had to stop, because it wasn’t real, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t me, Nick! I thought you knew. I thought it was a bit of a game. I thought we had a wink-wink, don’t ask, don’t tell thing going. I tried so hard to be easy. But it was unsustainable. It turned out he couldn’t sustain his side either: the witty banter, the clever games, the romance, and the wooing. It all started collapsing on itself. I hated Nick for being surprised when I became me. I hated him for not knowing it had to end, for truly believing he had married this creature, this figment of the imagination of a million masturbatory men, semen-fingered and self-satisfied. He truly seemed astonished when I asked him to listen to me. He couldn’t believe I didn’t love wax-stripping my pussy raw and blowing him on request. That I did mind when he didn’t show up for drinks with my friends. That ludicrous diary entry? I don’t need pathetic dancing-monkey scenarios to repeat to my friends, I am content with letting him be himself. That was pure, dumb Cool Girl bullshit. What a cunt. Again, I don’t get it: If you let a man cancel plans or decline to do things for you, you lose. You don’t get what you want. It’s pretty clear. Sure, he may be happy, he may say you’re the coolest girl ever, but he’s saying it because he got his way. He’s calling you a Cool Girl to fool you! That’s what men do: They try to make it sound like you are the cool girl so you will bow to their wishes. Like a car salesman saying, How much do you want to pay for this beauty? when you didn’t agree to buy it yet. That awful phrase men use: ‘I mean, I know you wouldn’t mind if I …’ Yes, I do mind. Just say it. Don’t lose, you dumb little twat.
So it had to stop. Committing to Nick, feeling safe with Nick, being happy with Nick, made me realize that there was a Real Amy in there, and she was so much better, more interesting and complicated and challenging, than Cool Amy. Nick wanted Cool Amy anyway. Can you imagine, finally showing your true self to your spouse, your soul mate, and having him not like you? So that’s how the hating first began. I’ve thought about this a lot, and that’s where it started, I think.
—  Amy Elliot Dunne (Gone Girl 2011)
Day 12

Due to the Ontario teacher strike, I’m not allowed to be teaching today, and because I’ve lost control of my life I’m at the studio instead of sleeping.

What actually happened is that I had to leave early yesterday AND the day before, so instead of taking the day off and being forced to absolutely murder myself Thus/Fri, I’m coming in today to make my life a bit easier. Plus if I still end up working 12 hours Thurs/Fri like I would have on most other days I teach, it means I can get more sweet sweet overtime dollarydoos. Can’t argue with cold hard dollarydoos.

I bought muffins for people in the pod, and then immediately joked that this is why I never come in on Wednesdays - a faerie cursed me as a child to always hand out food on Wednesdays. I know this isn’t true because it’s a lie I made up to get a laugh, but my brain shrugged and went “#canon”, so here we are???

archiveofourown.org
Close Quarters - Chapter 15 - DELETED SCENE
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

This is not actually a chapter. This is something that definitely happened, but which won’t actually part of the main work, because it’s not functional in the way I need it to be, in this story. So it’s a deleted scene. This is just a placeholder because this part of this season always runs me ragged. But I should be back in the saddle soon! And there’s also a big exciting surprise coming for the next proper update of Close Quarters, so consider this a harbinger. anyway. here is a preview. 

There’s a rueful pause. And then, in a tone that makes it hard to tell if he’s joking, John asks, “How hard do you think it is to fake mono?”

There’s an awkward silence. Gordon coughs delicately. “I mean…considering it’s called ‘the kissing disease’, I think the most difficult part would probably be convincing anyone that you managed to get mono in the first place.”

“Urban myth.”

No, pretty sure that one is pretty much one hundred percent dead accurate, J. Pretty sure that a virus transmitted via bodily fluids and primarily afflicting those of college age is justifiably known as the kissing disease. Dummy.”

As far as general medical knowledge goes, Gordon and John probably represent opposite ends of the spectrum. Gordon’s interested in medicine the same way John’s interested in space, and vice versa. Gordon knows that he’s an Aquarius and that it’s bad for his interpersonal relationships when Saturn is in retrograde. John attempts to treat the entire spectrum of human affliction by popping a couple aspirin and hoping for the best, and he waves a hand dismissively as he corrects himself, “Minor detail, then. That’s not the only way to get it, is what I’m saying. It’s—what, it’s mostly fatigue, isn’t it? Sore throat. Lasts for a long time. Anything that would give me the excuse to stay in bed and not talk to anyone for a few weeks seems like it could be a good deal. Really, though. Do you think I could do it?”

That their current reality is one that has John posing this question is a point in favour of a vast and improbable multiverse, in Virgil’s opinion. This must be one of the stranger realities.

youtube

Some Random Guy: *Literally risking his life because he Really Likes a video game*

Prompto: Whoa! What do you think they’re doing?

Noctis: Some kind of contest?

Prompto: All the way up there? Looks a little risky, don’t you think?

Noctis: Nah. I’d be there and back in a flash. 

Ignis: I’d fancy a walk up there.

Noctis: You seriously want to do that?

Ignis: Can’t spell “funambulism” without “fun.”

Noctis: How do you even know that word?


Ignis

i’ve been thinking way too much about. fucking. galra empire memes lately

as in memes popular within the galra empire becuase BOY does life get dull when you’re part of a sprawling civilisation that hasn’t been challenged in 10,000 years

i’ve only thought of a few

  • -points at a random object going by outside the ship- “is that voltron”
  • -something incredibly minor goes wrong- “fUCK YOU ALTEA!!!”
  • ‘which lion would you pilot’ quizzes because let’s face it everyone and their progenitors dream of flying one of those babies one day
  • quintessence puns
keith after he sees the voltron show

Keith: Sooooooo…….Shiro the Hero, huh?
Shiro: Keith shut the fuck up


Keith: Hey Lance
Lance: ‘Sup?
Keith: …….bi bo bi
Lance: You FUCKING–


Keith: Hey Pidge could you, uh, teach me how to revert the the electron whizzer capacitors into a binomial matrix code in order to do a loop de loop through the Tesla comms– 
Pidge: JUST BECAUSE YOU MENTION TESLA DOESN’T MAKE IT ACTUAL SCIENCE KEITH


Keith: So do you tell jokes? Like…like if I asked you to tell me a joke would you be able to tell me one? Or is that not….is that not what you do?
Hunk: Keith…
Keith: I mean I’m just asking
Hunk: Keith, no…
Keith: Like a knock knock joke or something, nothing major


Keith: Hey Keith! Oh my god, HUGE fan. Listen, I was wondering if I could get an autograph? Maybe a selfie with you brooding and looking off to the side to show my friends back at the Blades? They’ll love it. 
Allura: …….. -__________-;


Bonus:

Kolivan: Keith. what’s so funny?
Keith, crying-laughing in the corner: VOLTRON!! ON FUCKING!! ICE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

youtube

Chris Evans Debuts Trailer for New Movie DENNIS

Keith: “I said I wouldn’t cry!”

So does this mean Keith cries whenever he’s faced with something personal? This implies that he cries regularly for some reason (or used to), though that reason is still speculation. But seeing how he has a temper (and realizes that), I’m betting that dealing with personal issues does, in fact, make Keith very upset, which is probably why he doesn’t do it. Some people in fandom think Keith isn’t very emotional, or has very strict control over his emotions, but I’ve always thought it was the opposite. I think Keith just removes himself from potentially emotional situations when he can so as to prevent himself showing emotion or getting upset (like how he never said a single word to Allura after she found out he was Galra. He just stayed quiet while she was angry and even after she later approached him, he didn’t say much because that, too, would likely have made him upset). Anger is harder to reel in on the spot, so him losing his temper is more expected, but I’m betting Keith knows that horrible, suffocating feeling that wells up through you when you’re upset and can’t stop the tears. And so he avoids it whenever possible, thus resulting in him avoiding talking about his personal issues. 

Unlike Lance, who is often portrayed in fanon as the emotional one, but that I think has considerable emotional control. Lance very rarely gets upset or loses his temper, despite his insecurities and how much he misses his family. He jokes around and whines, sure, but that’s a conscious kind of display that he uses, I think, as a defense mechanism. The only time in the show that I think Lance has gotten honestly angry (and I don’t mean simply annoyed like when the black lion rejected  him (although I think that did upset him to a certain extent) or desperate like when he was trying to pull Keith back in season 3) is when Shiro chose Keith over him to go into the Marmora Base. Lance gives off an aura of emotionalism as a way of hiding how he really feels, and even when he does get angry, he pulls back quite quickly and doesn’t usually end up yelling, like Keith does. 

Just some character thoughts I guess.