i mean i get that kurt hummel thinks that lima is hell

5 Things from the TDB Rewatch: Acafellas

(I’m late this week, @todaydreambelievers

1. Finn is a better man than Will Schuester. This episode is the first time this giant boy-child CLEARLY was a better man than his teacher. Finn throughout acts like a leader, figuring out motivations, strategizing, and most importantly, bridging the divide between Rachel and the rest of the world. And the camera shows us that. When Rachel comes into the choir room with her apology cookies, I was struck by the clear divide in the room, the four originals sitting together, the 3 Cheerios, and Finn alone at the piano. He focuses on her entirely in that conversation, ceding ownership of the club to her. I’m not sure at this point that he’s quite aware of how drawn he is to her, but Quinn sure is.

He is empathetic. He really cares about Mr. Schu. Why? I think I will always puzzle over this. Maybe Finn just NEEDS a father figure. (I keep thinking about how he’s dressed in this episode, not in a rugby shirt, but in a dress shirt, mirroring Will a bit, especially in the scene where Will invites him to join the Acafellas.)

Or maybe he sees how fragile Will really is. Yes, it’s typical guy talk to say, “Of course he’s not coming back since you kicked him in the ‘nads,” but Finn is onto something. He is people smart. He correctly diagnoses Mr. Schue’s issue. He shouldn’t lay all the responsibility at Rachel’s feet, but he’s not wrong. Schue is retreating into this childish dream because he’s afraid to face the awesome responsibility of fatherhood.

It’s the little things with Finn–and with Cory’s portrayal of him. He is very intentionally setting him up as an alternative to the “winning is everything” attitude of McKinley, at least when it comes to music. Like his confused “Since when?” reply to the insistence that Glee is about winning (at base, it really really isn’t). Or his reminder to Will, who as usual, is projecting his insecurities onto him, that he’s not quitting because he’s a failure, but because “It’s just not fun anymore.” Glee is about opening yourself to joy, after all.  

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Summer Skin

Inspired by this post about Kurt’s summer wardrobe. Early Klaine-ish.

Things Blaine Anderson considers to be his undoing: ‘70s glam rock, karaoke and alcohol—but only together, fear of mediocrity, the Lima Bean’s chocolate chip scones. And he can now add to that list Kurt Hummel wearing a tight white flamingo-printed T-shirt and tiny yellow shorts. They’re just so yellow and so small and there is so much leg

“Blaine?” Kurt twists around in the hallway, making the shirt and shorts pull tight across his back and his ass and Blaine’s mind is screaming stop staring what is wrong with you? but Blaine’s eyes are not getting the message.

“Are you coming in?” Kurt asks, turning all the way around. That view isn’t any better, or, actually it is.

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anonymous asked:

Hey there. I have read and loved all your kurtbastian fics. They were seriously amazing. Would you mind reccing me some more kurtbastian which you have enjoyed reading. Thank you and looking forward to more of your gorgeous writing 💞😚

I’m not too good at recs but I’m gonna try my best for you! I think a lot of these fics are actually fairly popular, but none of them are at the level of ACITW, OBCMAH, and the like. Hope this includes something you’ve never read before! I’m not very organized at keeping track of my faves, so this is not even remotely exhaustive. And most of these authors have multiple kb works, so make sure to check out their other stuff too! Remember to kudos/comment/reblog!

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Fic: Beyond Expectation

Someone previously called klaineniffhuntbastianmalec prompted: mafia/soulmate klaine. Kurt works at the lima bean, which was just bought by the Anderson family. Kurt hates the family since they’re the local mafia. Blaine’s name is on Kurt, doesn’t matter where, and has no idea his new boss is also his soulmate.

Kurtana friendship, ~1700 words, PG-13, probably much fluffier than anything “mafia” usually is.

“I’m going to quit, I’m going to quit, I swear to God I’m going to quit.”

“What’s got your panties in a bunch this time, Hummel? Customer pay for their six dollar latte entirely in change?” Santana asked as she walked into the storage room, tying her apron around her waist.

“Oh, ha ha,” Kurt said snidely, unamused as ever by Santana’s remarks about his ‘prissiness’ - her word, not his. “No, Santana, for once it’s actually something you might consider a real grievance.”

“That bitch came back and demanded we give her a free drink for ‘loyalty’ again? I’ll-”

“The Andersons bought the Lima Bean,” Kurt interrupted before she could build up a head of steam.

“What?” Santana said, genuinely surprised for once.

“The Andersons. Bought. The Lima Bean,” Kurt repeated, enunciating each part of the sentence sharply. “We’re now officially employed by the local mafia.”

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Coffee and Butterflies

Prompt: Write a story in which a broken coffee maker has a huge impact on the world around it. Kurt and Blaine meet in a situation without any caffeine.

Sometimes people don’t appreciate the smaller things in life.
You know, the colour of the sky, the frequency of the subway, the endless supply of coffee at Starbucks.

It doesn’t make us bad people. On the contrary, it just makes us human. We rush, we scurry and we take the consistencies of our life in our stride as we rush for said subway.

And it just so happened that today Kurt Hummel was mid rush hour stride.

**

Kurt Hummel was one for punctuality. Punctuality and preciseness. Which is why it was a pain in the ass that he woke up thirty minutes late and had to completely forgo his rigorous skin routine to even get a shot at getting to work on time.

The one thing that Kurt Hummel could never forgo was his coffee.

Never.

“Shit” He murmured as he promptly walked out of his apartment complex and straight into a puddle. The fates clearly didn’t like him today. Messy hair, a wet ankle and serious case of dry skin. Yup, he seriously needed his coffee. Pronto.

**

In a slight run-gallop that Rachel had told him to adopt as it made him look (and quote) “like a real New Yorker with a mission rather than a lost Lima native” – god, he really needed to call her. Kurt headed for the coffee shop on the next block.

If he could get in and out within seventy-five seconds, he could make the subway, and Isabelle wouldn’t clock that he was that late.

Oh shit.

As if there was a line coming out of the store. Just his fucking luck.

I cannot stress enough that Kurt Hummel needed his coffee. In a winter harsher than his old bullies at McKinley, his coffee was the one constant safety blanket against the world. 55 seconds, shit. Think, Kurt, Think.

Didn’t he go on a date once with that barista? What was his name, Karl? Kevin? Ken?

It was worth a shot. He needed caffeine if he was going to face the music because Kurt Hummel was definitely going to be late and he might as well have his coffee settle him.

Pushing, shoving and glaring his way through the crowd, Kurt managed to get to the cash registers.
“Kevin!” Kurt called out above the groans of the other customers. Kevin’s warm smile greeted him, “Hey Kurt!”

“I needed to be at work like ten minutes ago, is there any way you can help me out?”  Kurt pleaded in his most persuasive, flirtatious manner. At this point, he needed to get his coffee by any means necessary.

“Kurt, I dunno, man, we’re rammed.” Kevin replied looking genuinely saddened.
“Please Kevin!” Kurt pined, batting his ashes. Don’t judge, you would have done the same if you needed a Grande Non Fat Mocha.

Sighing, Kevin relented. Kurt Hummel was going to get his coffee.

Maybe he day was looking up. Maybe the fates felt bad for subjecting him to a full day of dry skin.

And then. A tut.

A click of someone’s tongue came from behind him. And a biting annoyed whisper of “Typical.”

Now hold up. Kurt turned on his heels, his venom ready.

“Excuse me?” Kurt looked at the person behind, slightly shorted, a helmet of gelled hair glued to his skull, handsome. Don’t think like that Kurt. Game face on.

The man looked up, his eyelashes fluttering up beautifully.

“What?” He innocently replied.

“I would have thought that you would have had manners to not tut in public and someone you don’t know. Do you have any idea how rude that was?”

“Well, to be fair, you did push in.”

Taken aback, Kurt looked at the guy, who the hell did this jerk think he was, “Alright buddy, just calm it. You didn’t have to be rude about it.”

“Yeah, and you didn’t have to flirt to get ahead of everyone else.”

“Excuse me”

“You heard me, you can’t play the slut card to get quicker coffee.”

All of a sudden, they were both taken aback as if they both knew what barrier had been crossed. Suddenly, Kurt’s tongue was stuck in his throat and the man looked as if he was summoning up the courage for a possibly apology when…

“Were sorry guys, the coffee machines gone bust, we can’t fulfil any existing orders or take any more. Cold drinks and food only” A voice boomed over the café.
Well shit.

Kurt needed to get out. As fast as his feet would take him, he sped out of the Starbucks to get air to fill his lungs. To breathe something in. He breathed and breathed and breathed and he still felt like he was suffocating.

And that was when Kurt Hummel became a New Yorker. He cried for the first time in New York outside that Starbucks. He sat on the pavement outside and took a moment to accept that this was not his day and focused on breathing in and out, in and out. What did that guy know? Why did the Universe decide that everything was going to fuck up today? Oh and look, he was definitely late, the Universe would probably get work to put him on probation knowing his luck today and oh god he was gonna miss that big meeting with Isabelle about the Fall Lin-

“Are you okay?” A voice tenderly asked.

Broken from his whirlpool of thought, Kurt whipped his head around and saw the guy he was arguing with earlier. Wiping away his tears, he nodded hysterically as if the number of nods would guarantee that his day would get better.

“C-Can I?” The guy asked, gesturing to joining him on the icy pavement.

Another nod.

“Look, I’m really sorry I called you a slut, I honestly didn’t mean it, at all. Heck, I don’t know you in the slightest and I was just having a really awful morning” The guy explained “and honestly, you seem lovely, you don’t deserve to be crying out a Starbucks of all places. A Peets Coffee maybe, but definitely not Starbucks.” The guy joked, trying to clear the air of the unspoken tension.

And then something happened. Kurt laughed. Not a belly laugh he might have enjoyed the night before but that sort of laughy-cry chuckle that happens when your throat has closed up from weeping and you start to realise that everything is going to be okay. The guy joined the chuckle. All of a sudden, Kurt’s morning felt and hell of a lot less lonely.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed in and flirted my way for a coffee.” Kurt admitted “Or hypothetical coffee even. I’ve just had the worst morning and I just lost all reminisce of logic and cool and I can’t believe I’m crying in public, oh my god.”  Kurt wiped away his tears with his blazer sleeve, oh god, it was Burberry as well, could this day be worse?

“Burberry?” The guy asked.

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“What can I say, I have a good eye.”

That’s nothing the only good thing you have, Kurt thought.

“Kurt Hummel. Very sorry for pushing in.” He offered his hand to the stranger.

“Blaine Anderson. Also very sorry for accidentally slut shaming you in a public place.” He shook Kurts hand and suddenly, Kurt didn’t feel that lonely at all.  “Look, I am really sorry. I guess we both had two really bad days and we just met at the wrong time but I want to make amends. Can I make it up to you by buying you a cup of coffee maybe?”

Kurt sniffed and nodded.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

A huge grin swept across of Blaine’s face and the two new friends found themselves strolling to another Starbucks somewhere and Kurt didn’t even care that he forgot to moisturise or even that he was unbelievably late for work. And this was because Kurt Hummel’s day was looking up.

**
Sometimes people don’t appreciate the smaller things in life.

Kurt Hummel definitely appreciated the way that Blaine Anderson paid for his coffee and made a list about all of the slutty things that he had done in his life to prove that Kurt definitely wasn’t a slut. He also appreciated that Blaine wrote his number on Kurt’s napkin.

Kurt Hummel had messy hair, a moist ankle and a serious case of dry skin but his stomach was also filled with coffee and butterflies.

American Constipation Story

Facts and opinions about Blaine, Klaine and Darren Criss. By myself and the amazing Kurtbastian91.

Blainofsky:

Blaine doesn’t want an equal relationship, he wants to be under the spotlights,and that’s why he chose Dave, he doesn’t think Dave is at the same level of him. He makes fun of him in front of Kurt.

David, during their encounter, said that when he met Blaine they talked about Kurt, about how much Blane was angry at him, while David told him that Kurt was good to him. That’s what made Blaine starting to date David. He wanted Kurt to know he moved on with person who wanted Kurt at start, but chose Blaine at the end.

In the fifth episode, during the elevator scene, Blaine talks about David for making Kurt jealous. Klainers spoke about their kiss, their jokes, but nobody noticed that. David is yet another guy that Blaine used for keeping Kurt at his places. I’m sorry for him, but that’s how things are.

You noticed how many sponges were in the Blainofsky flat? I think Dave uses them for cleaning crusts of gel that Blaine leaves everywhere.

Serial cheater:

Blaine’s cheating was unthinkeable, and I don’t understand people who say it was OOC. I think it was miracle that he waited so long for cheating. For me he didn’t cheat on Kurt with Sebastian just because he would not have an excuse for it. The fact that Kurt was far away though, gave him excuse on silver plate, and in the Glee Club he could still be the hero of the two worlds.

During “tested”, Blaine was jealous of Kurt because finally guys saw how good looking and talented he was, while Blaine was just mediocre. He tried to humilate him in front of everyone because he was angry and jealous. Behind Kurt’s back though, Blaine flirted with guys on porn website, proving again how hypocrite he is.

I don’t like when they show cheaters as heroes: like people with reasons, with pain, that cheated because they felt alone, and bla bla bla. Of course they lose sight of real victim, that is the person who suffered the cheating, the humiliation. It’s horrible to be cheated on, you feel guilty, hurted and humiliated, and Kurt Hummel was humilated so much on Glee that I lost count. And it never happened to Blaine. Blaine was never sorry, and in fifth season he rolled his eyes, annoyed. That scene rapresent Blaine’s character.

I think during the performance of Teeange Dream, on forth season, Blaine was still feeling Eli in his ass. Did you saw his face?

The right theory is just this one: Blaine is a coward without balls and he will never be faithful to anyone, because he’s a serial cheater of the worst kind. He can’t be faithful to New Directions even, he can’t have a relationship. The only thing he loves, is his tube of gel filled by his sticky sperm.

Darren’s acting skills or the constipated peal:

They should give Chris Colfer an Emmy or a Golden Globe just because he didn’t burst out laughing on Darren’s face after the kiss in elevator. It looked like Darren was punched on his teeth, or he pooped in his pants or was costipated, and I don’t understand why. Sue was good enough to let them have bathroom, he could go if he wanted.

He (Darren) would win an Oscar if he played the role of a costipated guy. I don’t think they would make a lot of movie with a man always in pain on the toilet, though. I think the Darren stans would watch it, but honestly I don’t think that outside the fandom, that could be popular.

Darren is the only one who can look like being constipated and having diarrhea at the same time. With that, he has lot of talent. Not everybody could do it. I don’t know if Chris can make a face like that. If Darren stans think it’s sexy, I feel sorry for them. If I was them I would use it instead of cold shower for killing hormones. One minute of the break up scene, and all the desidere of having sex disappears.

We didn’t see when Blaine was kicked out from NYADA for a reason. Darren would make it look like his usual war against toilet.

I noticed too: Blaine and Kurt look like they are allergic to each other. Even when they kiss, they look forced. Kurt even more, because of Chris’s acting. He He looks like he’s scared by all the situation, and he has desire to physically be far away from Blaine. I can see Chris is grossed out by acting with Darren, and I think he’s right. How can you play a scene with a shitty script and an actor that always makes “toilet” faces?

I heard Darren’s acticg is a pearl! YES A FAKE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Klaine tales and a hypothetical robbers attack:

For me, if Kurt protect Blaine by robbers and Blaine tell them “take him and not me”, Klainers would say “Kurt is a terrible boyfriend, he always makes Blaine feel worse, could he not let robbers rape or kill himself, instead of trying to protect his life and making Blaine look like coward?”

The prince charming on white horse, the hero that will be able to sceam “Ueeeeh I’ll never forgive you for this”, while the big bad robber is beaten by Kurt. Klainers: “Kurt is such a dick. He should have let Blaine taking control of that situation. Blaine was about to do something, but Kurt is an attention whore!” Rest of the world:…what?

Kurt Hummel is the heart of Glee, not Blaine:

Kurt is character I always liked because it’s not stereotyped. He’s simply a gay kid, that like things some gays like, but not just that, he’s brave, sensible, kind, talented, ironic, sarcastic, irreverent. Chris could give dignity back to the gay character, one that likes things that usually people see as feminine. He was always proud of himself, without trying to be the best no matter what. He confronted bullies, struggled for acceptance, often didn’t find it from his own friends. He’s a character that had to go through the death of his mother and his stepbrother, his father’s sickness, a not deserved cheater, the bullism. He’s a character that never had anything without fighting, he knows victory, but even more he knows defeat. He’s a realistic character, because of this.

Klainers, ladies and gentlemen (and Crisscolfer stans):

I can’t tolerate Blaine, so of course I don’t want him next to Kurt. I think Kurt deserves a lot better, so I prefer other guys with him. Then I say, why those girls hate Kurt so much -  because he’s a cheater, manipulative, cold, evil, bitch, he plays victim, he doesn’t do anything for Blaine and doesn’t deserve his love – and they don’t want their little gelled angel, this vanilla Cupcake that poop chocolate-covered strawberries, this perfect and talented human being, to find the real happiness with someone who is not undeserving of SO MUCH PERFECTION?

I have a list for them: Jeremiah, Eli, Hannibal Lecter, Jigsaw, Freddy Krueger. I think they could be good boyfriends for him.

I’m sure that if Blaine beat Kurt, they would say he deserved it, or something like: “Kurt’s cheek hitted on Blaine’s hand, poor Blaine, his hand is in pain now, it’s not his fault if Kurt can’t stay at is place”, or better “Kurt made him do it, poor baby, can’t you see how much he suffers now? Poor Blaine, he feels so guilty. Kurt should apologize for doing something like that to Blaine, he’s a horrible boyfriend, he’s so lucky to have someone so kind next to him and he wants to get beaten for making Blaine feel guilty”.

The only reason they (Klainers) don’t complain, is because they think Kurt is lucky to have such attentions (talking about Blaine attacking him in car). I mean, who would not want to be raped by Bowtie-Gelled-Anderson?

You mentioned something I really hate about this fandom. I hate when they use gay rights, I hate when they say that Klaine should get married because it will be big step in favor of gay weddings. This story has a control-freak cheater in it, hypocrite and manipulator. I don’t care if he’s gay or straight, I don’t want to love a couple just because they are two guys or two girls. Rapresentation is very good, but it should be a positive one. What people can learn from something like Klaine? That cheating is good, if you’re so sad that you don’t wear hair gel, that’s okay to manipulate, if you make puppy-eyes after. This rapresentation is not good for anyone, even less for homosexual people. The only purpose it can have is making some young girl’s panties wet. It’s okay for me, but don’t make it look like something that is not.

You think they blaime Chris for Darren’s losing his hair? “If Chris stopped going out with his PR (Will), maybe Darren would not be so stressed.”

In Klaine fics, they show Blaine without hair gel, and you should see how they describe him, like Adonis, so handsome (even taller than Kurt sometimes), with perfectly curls, skin that is like honey, eyes of the color of amber.

Some Klaines are even saying that Klaine kiss was not cheating on Dave. In some time they will write that Earth is not round, Peppa Pig is not really a pig, and Darren can act.

Chris is allergic to Darren’s cock, not gonna change!

Just Blaine the Cupcake:

During the break up scene, he (Blaine) looked like a 5 years old child to whose friend broke his toy car, the reaction was the same: whiny whining, “I will never forgive you for this, your not my best friend anymore, now my buddy is Dave nehnehnehhnah, aren’t you jealous?”, a child, and not even a smart one.

I think it’s very unrealistic that in a public high school, and in a bigot town like Lima, Blaine goes around dressed like Clown Ken, and nobody say anything. I don’t understand if they are making fun of me, or if Blaine is really resurrected Jesus, and the punishment for even thinking bad about him is to burn in hell forever.

Sebastian and Dave are one thousand times the man Blaine is. He understood his mistakes, apologized and really changed, not just with words. At the same time Blaine was taking lighthouses in his butt.

Have you noticed that Blaine’s hair get worse as long with his characters? At the start they were normal, and Blaine was tolerable, then they were more and more gelled, and he became lord of assholes. Some for clothes: in the episodes where he dress worse he’s more asshole.

I think when they slept together (Klaine), Blaine screamed his own name during orgasm, and the same was with Dave.

Blaine NEVER fought for Kurt. All he did was just some big gestures that he needed to satisfy his ego and his wedding kink, or sending that stupid note and the Gilmore Girls dvds. That means fighting for Klainers? Blaine fought with Eli and Dave’s dicks up his butt, while Kurt was in pain for the break up. How you can take seriously a character that shows his depression by not wearing hair gel?

Scary pheromones:

Tina got crazy from the forth season, maybe Blaine has some kind of weird pheromones that make people become morons. It’s not possible that all the people that meet him start licking his butt, and loving him unconditionally.

They want us to believe that Blaine is this greek god craved by everyone, but all I see is an asshole dressed like an idiot.

Blaine kink meme:

Blaine is literally obsessed about the idea of marriage and finding husband. During the scene at Gap, he was already thinking about wedding, for getting Gap’d discount. He gave a promise-ring during to Kurt during third season, and pressing Kurt to getting married when they were not together. Even with Dave, he moved with him very soon. That’s the only thing in Blaine that never changed, together with bitchness, arrogance, and his problems with monogamy. Probably he has wedding magazings under his bed, and he pasts his photos and Kurts on the couples there. It’s super creepy, he reminds me of Bluebeard, and they probably share the shape of eyebrows.

Blaine was very happy that he finally got what he always wanted (getting married), and I hope he doesn’t have “widow kink” too, or Kurt will be in troubles, but I think he will start whining for a dog and kids. Maybe his kink is the classic american family.

I can imagine Blaine copy and past Kurt’s photos on wedding magazines, while he writes “me and Kurt are gonna have our Happy ever after”. He’s a lot worse than Sue, Blaine probably has a secret room with manips of Kurt as 50’ hoursewife.

Future Klaine:

I can see Kurt in ten years as a successful man, he won Tony on Broadway and he’s marrying the love of his life after a bad divorce to Blaine. Blaine is alone, in Lima, forced to use the product of his onanism on the few hair he has left.

In my mind, Kurt broke up with Blaine after third season, he was just accepted at NYADA from the start, and never looked back. He and Sebastian met on Broadway, Sebastian was at his show one night, and started woo him, until they started dating. Blaine? He moved in Tibet, because after losing his hair he became a monk, and he liked that monks are all men. The only problem, is that he can’t sing with them.

When Blaine will live in the street without job and hair, maybe Kurt will be good enough to stop his car and leave some cash for him.

The black hole of Blangst:

One thing that I never understood: all the story about Blaine’s abusive dad. Okay, Blaine said to Burt that his dad wanted him straight, but what he did, for all we know, was asking his son to fix a car with him. I don’t think that’s homophobic, it looks just like a father that wants to get closer to his son, in the ways he can. Blaine’s parents sent him to a expensive private school because he was bullied, and then moved him in another school so he could be with his boyfriend. I don’t think they are abusive, on the opposite. I thought Blaine wanted to play the victim, as usual.

And I remember Blaine told Kurt he was attacked at prom, before he moved to Dalton. Maybe it’s just Darren’s bad acting, but Blaine never looked like a guy with this kind of trauma. At McKinley’s prom he went to the stage to sing, and it wasn’t even his school.

Poor baby. Can you think he didn’t gelled his hair? He was suffering. It’s not right that Blaine had to feel so much pain. Kurt was an asshole, he should have forgive him right away. Okay, Blaine cheated on him, but the poor boy was lonely. Kurt didn’t aswer a phone call, what a piece of shit. Kurt doesn’t deserve somebody who loves him like Blaine, and now the little Cupcake is destoyed by pain. Kurt should beg to have him back.. They would like more for Kurt to be raped, insted of having him with a man who loves him. He DIDN’T gel his hair, people should think more deeply about this.

Everytime that Blaine and Kurt break up his reaction (Blaine’s) to pain is not having gel in his hair. What a deep character, he’s really in love with Kurt, for 4 whole days of his life he didn’t wear hair gel. “How Kurt can make him suffer so much??? And after everything that Blaine did for him! He’s the best thing that ever happened to him. Kurt was so lucky to have Blaine as his boyfriend, who else would ever looked at him otherwise”…Kurt was sick for months after both break ups, he took sleeping pills, was sad and hurted, and during the second break up he didn’t date anyone for months, because he had respect for Blaine. But Blaine didnt wear hair gel, so I want to join his pain by sending him my symphaty.

The storyline of Blaine’s gay bashing was ridicolous. Maybe, if Darren was good actor, would have been interesting. But as the things are now, Blaine doesn’t look as somobody who was victim of homophobic attack. He can’t stop showing off, being under the spotlights, trying to be the leader. You can see from what he wears that he’s not afraid to have attentions. He’s not a guy with a trauma. The only attack was against my balls.

Be careful with death, just Blaine can save you:

We all have to die, what a news. The only sure thing in life is death. We can’t stop the inevitable, but we can make something good of the time we have left. That doesn’t mean we should throw ourselves in the arms of moron, it means we should be careful with our choices, because life is just one. I hate how they used Kurt’s mom and Finn for message that is totally wrong, toxic and offensive. I ask myself why Burt and Carole didn’t support Finchel’s wedding, since the only purpose of life is getting married as soon as possible, because you can die the next day.

My grandparents died, that’s why I should marry Blaine? I’d rather being hitten by truck, or eaten by wild dogs.

I hated that they used Kurt’s mother and Finn for forcing Kurt to get married, it’s really ridiculous. We all know we have to die, that doesn’t mean we have to marry the first guy we meet, or we would get married as kids for not losing too much time, or just after puberty. I never heard bullishit like in the last episode. Kurt was forced to get married, he kept looking around, waiting for someone to say “what the fuck are you doing?”, but of course everybody were Klainers there. It’s better to be alone that with friends like that.

I want to see the real Blaine:

I think I have a theory that would explain everything: for me there is another show, named Glee, and the lead characters are called Kurt and Blaine. That’s why we can’t understand each other, why there is confusion. It would explain everything, really. Probably Blaine in the other show is cool and handsome, he doesn’t know what hair gel is, he never cheated, instead he was the one manipulated constantly by this other character, Kurt. Also, Kurt and Blaine’s actors are really together in real life. That’s why Crisscolfer stans have their conspiracy theories.

Glee and soulmates:

It looks like some characters in Glee, as soon as they made out once, establish some kind of contract for life, in which if you made out you should spend the rest of your life with that person.

Learn how to tag:

If I was a bitch, and didn’t love Dave ad much as I do, I would post Blainofsky in their tags non-stop. And I would say: “Blaine is half of the couple. Am I wrong?”, “Darren is the actor who play Blaine, so I tagged in the right way”, “we’re free to tag what we want”. The can cry if they want, doesn’t change the fact that their little Cupcake took Dave’s big cock in his gold-shining ass.

Chris Colfer tag is dangerous like toxic gas. Better to stay away. If we want to see Chris, it’s better to go in some blog dedicated to him. It makes me even more angry that they post photos with JUST Darren in it, but tag them “Chris Colfer”. Not Lea, Kevin, Naya, Amber. Just Chris, because he’s Darren’s boyfriend (lol), so what’s wrong with it? They are really a pain in the ass.

Let’s save the world:

I think that with a punishment like putting hands in Blaine’s hair, there will be less crimes in the world. And if they should put their tongue there, Earth finally will know piece and harmony.

… or let it die:

If Klaine is the best couple of the millennium, then the world should have ended in 2012.

So apparently people like klaine!mpreg

Here is some for you.

Title: It’s Not Food Poisoning
Author: misskaterinab
Rating: T (mostly for potty mouth)
Word count: ~4300

Summary: Blaine has severe stomach pains and blames it on bad street vendor food. But the street vendor is innocent. An “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” story. Mpreg.


The loft was never quite quiet at night. The downstairs tenants were night owls and liked to watch old Game Show Network shows on repeat, screaming the answers to questions answered long ago many times over. The people in the building opposite them were a couple who probably should’ve broken up years ago; they had an affinity for conducting their knock-down, drag out fights in front of their open bedroom window, which was definitely nowhere near far enough from Kurt and Blaine’s “bedroom” window, especially when you figured the woman’s extremely shrill voice into the equation.


But on a hot summer night in the middle of July, the main source of the nightly cacophony was centered in the tastefully decorated apartment of Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel. The place was nearly empty - Kurt had flown to his hometown of Lima, Ohio, three days before to pay a visit to his father and stepmother. It was the anniversary of his brother’s passing and Kurt felt the need to be near his family. Finances being what they were, the pair could only afford to purchase one plane ticket and Blaine stayed at home to hold down the fort. 


“Fuck, I should’ve never eaten that sausage from that street vendor,” Blaine moaned to himself. He lay on his side in bed, curled up into the fetal position, and clutched his stomach, praying for the shooting pain in his stomach to subside. “I thought it smelled a little funny.”

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Fic: Learning Who You Are

Boy band member!Blaine/not famous!Kurt. When Kurt meets a cute guy in a coffee shop, the outcome is a little more than he was expecting. Mentions of Finchel, slight age difference (20/18).

~2600 words, PG-13ish, fluff.

Kurt was so excited he was legitimately worried he was going to explode.

“It’s tomorrow!”

“Oh my God, I know!” Rachel replied, actually jumping up and down beside him in line at the Lima Bean. “We’re twenty-eight hours away from seeing New Directions live and in person!”

They both squealed, earning a couple of judgmental glances from the other customers. Kurt just scowled back, unwilling to let them ruin his mood.

“And we’ve got floor seats, too,” Kurt said, sighing dreamily. “Have I ever mentioned how grateful I am for your near-encyclopedic knowledge of pop music history?”

“Only about fifty times since I won the tickets,” Rachel said with a smirk. “Funny how you never appreciated it while I was talking about the musicality of our set lists in Glee before.”

“To be fair, it was also ninety degrees that day,” Kurt said. “I didn’t plan on falling asleep.”

“I know, I know,” Rachel said, patting his arm. “Now order your drink before this barista hates us forever.”

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Fic: Getting What You Want

anon prompted: She’s All That and 10 Things I hate about You. Finn can’t date until his nerdy bro Kurt does. Quinn gives Kurt a super hot makeover a la Chris’s new photoshoot that catches badboy Blaines eye. Also, Finn ends up with Rachel instead of Quinn.

Since I’ve never seen either of those movies, this based solely off the description in that prompt. ~2150 words, PG-13, fluff.

“Bro. C’mon. Please!”

“No,” Kurt replied, not looking up from his book.

“But this show’s only in Columbus for two weeks!” Finn said, hands clasped under his chin in a pleading gesture. “If I don’t ask Rachel soon, Jesse will, and then it’s game over. Please, just ask someone, anyone out so Mom and Burt will let me date Rachel.”

“What part of no didn’t you understand, Finn?” Kurt asked, shooting Finn an icy glare. “I’m sorry that Dad and Carole said you can’t date before college unless I do too, but there are plenty of fish in the sea! Rachel and Jesse probably won’t last forever, either.”

“You don’t get it! Rachel makes me feel like I can succeed outside of Lima, like I’m worth more than my football jersey. If you’d ever had feelings for someone, you’d know.”

Kurt flushed bright red involuntarily at Finn’s last remark, and unfortunately for him, Finn noticed.

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Fic: Can’t Fight This Feeling

anon prompted: Kurt is a senior and Blaine is his teacher, who just graduated from college and they have crushes on each other and it’s cute and funny and they’re also nerds/dorks, they kinda become friends and then one of them can’t take it anymore and starts to make first moves, confessing their feelings etc. and with a happy, fluffy ending of course :)
Okay, so just to keep everything legal, Kurt is 17 when they meet but 18 when they kiss, Blaine’s 20 the whole time, and they don’t kiss til Kurt’s graduated and Blaine’s done student-teaching at McKinley. I wanted to avoid any shady power dynamics that could crop up. (Thanks to greatpretending for helping me plot the dynamics, relatedly!)
3300+ words, PG, so damn fluffy.

Kurt couldn’t help but bounce on his feet as he waited in line at the Lima Bean that morning.

It’s the second semester of senior year! Just 90 days, and then I’ll be heading off to New York, he thought giddily, knowing he had a ridiculous grin on his face but unable to make himself care. I can practically see McKinley in my rearview- whoa.

His internal monologue cut off when he noticed that the guy in front of him was actually the hottest person in Lima, if not the entire godforsaken state of Ohio. He was sporting far too much hair gel, sure, but somehow it worked with his preppy, colorful look.

“Sir. Sir, may I help you?” the barista asked, her impatient tone breaking through Kurt’s hazy thoughts.

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anonymous asked:

Both speak a different language and have to communicate another way AU with klaine please

Oh that sounds interesting …
Klaine Bingo: Loss of voice

Kurt doesn’t know why he volunteered to welcome one of the exchange students from France.

Actually, no, he does: to improve his French so he can be better than any other prospecting student and get an internship at Gaultier or Hermes in Paris–you know, once he gets to New York and starts studying fashion for good.

But he didn’t expect Blaine.

Blaine and his silver screen quality, his impeccable outfits and his charming smile.

Blaine and his beautiful tan and his beautiful eyes and his beautiful … beauty.

Blaine and the poorest English Kurt has ever heard.

Nobody is perfect right?

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Blaine picks up a hitchhiker, part 2

Blaine 26, Kurt 19 

part 1

“So, Blaine, what do you do for living?” Kurt asked just as they passed as sign that said WELCOME TO DENVER! According to Blaine’s GPS, they had 14 hours left of they journey. 

“I compose,” Blaine answered. 

“You compose… what?" 

"Commercials now, mostly. But I’m working on something for a pilot that my brother’s auditioning for so, maybe that’ll be my big break,” Blaine explained with an easy smile. “And, you know. The commercials pay the rent so I’m not complaining." 

"Hmm,” Kurt hummed out, impressed. “Anything I might have heard?" 

"Uh, well, let’s see… Hey, hey, Julia…" 

…can you hear me fine? I just called to ask you…“ 

…will you be my Valentine?“ they finished the little song together. 

"You wrote that?" 

"Yes?" 

"Oh, my God! My step-mom loves that commercial! She thought it was so cute!" 

Blaine blushed, which was oddly adorable. "Well, it did pay for this car,” he said. 

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anonymous asked:

Klaine in season six got some of the worst writing any TV couple has had ever. Ross and Rachel bad. Some of it is Ryan Murphy pissing on the fans, which is high level bullshit given how much we've put up with from him. But I think a lot of it is that after Cory's death they didn't have any other couples they could give drama to, so Blaine and Kurt got a double dose. And in season six, they couldn't do anything to Brittana because they wanted to please the fans, so Klaine got 3x the conflict.

Its been a year and a half since Glee ended and I am still just as pissed about everything as I was last March.  Hopefully, the intensity will lessen over time, but I will always look back on this show and be grateful that it gave me Klaine and at the same time, feel disgusted over the way they were treated.  There isn’t anything about season 6 that doesn’t make me twitch with rage.  I honestly can’t fathom what the hell they were thinking when they started pitching storylines around. How does breaking them up (again and this one a complete and utter clusterfuck) and then shifting things back to Lima, giving neither Kurt nor Blaine any kind of actual story (and no, being Rachel’s personal cheerleader does not count) or songs of their own, shoving them into a wedding that they barely participated in and then unceremoniously dumping them back into the background for the final episodes honor the legacy of this show or have anything whatsoever to do with pleasing the fans?  It doesn’t.  I don’t know why, but after a while, it started to feel vindictive.  Like they were deliberately trying to one up themselves to see what new kind of heinous torture they could inflict on us.

You expect me to believe that in 6 months’ time, Kurt Hummel went from “I choose to love and trust you through everything” and “I am here because he is the love of my life and nothing and no one is going to come between us” to “maybe I don’t” and “we had a good run?”  WE HAD A GOOD RUN?  What the actual fuck is that?  This isn’t some guy he met at a random coffee house and was casually dating for a month or two but decided it wasn’t working out. This is Blaine.  BLAINE.  Who loves him more than life itself.  Who thinks the sun rises and sets with him.  Who thinks he’s the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio and more than likely the most talented student at NYADA.  Who gave up his safe place at Dalton to be with Kurt at McKinley.  Who took a slushy to the face for him and would do it a thousand times more without hesitating.  And yeah, he screwed up in season 4, but so did Kurt, and he paid the price for it. Who organized the most amazingly romantic perfectly done proposal in the history of the world.  Who just wants to be with him.  To end them in that cold, cruel flashback the way they did wasn’t just a slap upside the head a la Gibbs but a knife to the back.  A knife they kept twisting deeper and deeper the longer the season went on.  

To an outsider, it probably sounds a bit nuts to go all conspiracy theory over a tv show, but I don’t know how to explain it.  What else would compel RIB to deliberately keep them miserable and apart for more than half of the final season?  I felt like I was being punished for shipping them, like they went out of their way to spite us.  It was like, “oh, so you want some happy engaged NYC Klaine planning their future and their wedding and starting their lives together?” “Well, how about instead of that, we break them up and have Blaine’s entire life crash down around him, send them both back to Ohio, have Kurt realize he fucked up and wants Blaine back but we’re not going to have him do anything about it, he’s just going to spend time holding Rachel’s purse at McKinley, we’re going to have Blaine be involved with the bully who assaulted Kurt and threatened to kill him (because that absolutely doesn’t go against every thing that makes Blaine Blaine), Kurt’s going to sort of date a guy who lied to him and turned out to be old enough to be his grandfather and then…ugh, fine, we will have them get back together and get married just so you will stop complaining about it.”  You mean this isn’t fun for you?  You guys don’t like this?  Any of it? Oh well, too bad, its our show and we can do whatever the fuck we want with it, fans (or good taste) be damned.

This show meant so much to so many people and they turned it into a punchline.  The ratings weren’t giving them a clue that people were pissed? Everyone I knew IRL who watched this show gave it up sometime around season 3 - even my BFF who was the one who turned me onto it in the first place.  She checked out around then because what initially drove her to watch the show wasn’t there anymore.  But not me.  What if there’s Klaine and I don’t see it?  So thanks to that, I was the idiot sitting on my couch on a Friday night sobbing because I allowed this stupid stupid show to break my heart again. And this time, there was no LLL to make it better because that joke of a wedding they had was the ultimate “fuck you.”

Having to watch Brittany and Santana get the wedding planning that Klaine deserved and then seeing Kurt helping Brittany with things when earlier you wanted me to believe he was completely uninterested in planning his own wedding?  Kurt Hummel wasn’t into his own wedding planning.  The kid who married off his Power Rangers and was psyched to plan his dad’s wedding to Carole didn’t want to help Blaine with anything?  Are you fucking kidding me? They get a weekend honeymoon in Provincetown while Brittana gets an entire month in Jamaica?  Then they disappear completely from the next episode only to come back to Dalton having burned down.  Its literally like they are trying their damndest to erase how important Klaine was to this show.  Did they even have a scene together after they got married - just the two of them somewhere - until the hallway scene in the finale?  From what I remember, they mostly spent time standing near each other, not actually speaking to each other.  And heaven forbid singing.

I am not opposed to drama; I don’t need it, but if it makes sense, doesn’t drag on for ages, and is resolved in a manner that is consistent with the characters involved, I can deal with it.  Nothing in season 6, however, was in any way remotely watchable.  It didn’t move their story forward, there was no character growth for either of them and it for sure went on for way too long.  Everything they had them doing was completely OOC and goes directly against the characterization they spent 5 seasons building.  They were in full “burn the house down” mode at that point and didn’t seem to care at all.  Which is incredibly sad because its tarnished this show for me.  

I will always love Klaine and they will always be in my heart but I also can’t forgive or forget the unmitigated disaster that their final episodes were.  And the fact that it seemed to be purposely aimed at their fans is something I will never understand.

anonymous asked:

Fuuuu can you write nr.14 of the latest prompt list you posted? The party pick-up one *__*

14 anon- as klaine, sorry.

>> Answered your call for a pick-up from a drunken party even though you’re my brother’s friend and I’ve only met you once because it sounded like you really needed to get out of there AU

The sound that makes Kurt wake up completely is his phone’s ringtone.

Because there is absolutely no reason for Beyoncé to start singing while Kurt himself is owning that Broadway stage.

Ah, good dream.

“‘lo?” he slurs into the phone, eyes closed and trying to press his cheek even deeper into his pillow.

Kurt?”

That gets him out of his bed immediately, already fixing his hair even though his caller can’t see him.

“Blaine, hi,” he replies breathily, now fully awake. “What–how are you?”

A deep sigh comes from the receiver, and even though Kurt has only met Finn’s friend once before a big “meeting” in Finn’s room, Kurt can picture him standing somewhere.

Where was Finn supposed to go with the “guys” tonight?

Ah, right, the after-party for not being eliminated by the school from Lima Heights.

Big whoop indeed.

I’m … good, I guess?”

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