i mean i cannot even

8

‘You know my powers, my dear Watson, and yet at the end of three months
I was forced to confess that I had at last met an antagonist who was my intellectual equal.’

Probably the best ostrich pillow picture in that google image gallery

Do what you wish with this information…

External image

feeling stressed out? just lie your shitty desk chair on the ground and make a shitty bed. just prop your feet up on that ominous countdown, who give a fuck? clearly not you. you’re too busy holding your feet in the air so all the blood goes to your fat head as you lie on the fucking floor in the middle of your goddam office just 

okay alright I’m having some aroace feelings and I need to get some shit off my chest because I’m having a hard time coming to grips with some things like

there is shit I want that I feel like I can never have just because of being aroace you know??? Like I don’t want to share a home with anyone I don’t really wanna share my life with anyone but I love being close with people?? I love laying my head on someone’s lap, giving really great cuddles, laying next to someone in a bed, just feeling that something warm next to me but it is completely and unquestionably non-sexual and non-romantic

also I hardcore prefer these activities to be with women? but I don’t know if that’s just a society based bias because we’re always told men ‘want’ something like?? ???? like can you be platonic gay?? is that a thing??

wait fuck that is a thing, queer platonic relationships FUCk I want one of THOSE

anyway, labels aside that isn’t what really bothers me, what really bothers me is the thought that I can’t have this, I feel like I can’t have it because other people won’t understand it like, ugh, if I had someone to cuddle with and be close to I would need them to understand that it is platonic only, and I’m afraid I could never find someone who would be comfortable with this kind of set up without 'getting anything’ from it

I mean I wouldn’t necessarily even need one person! and I already have a bunch of friends and even family that I’m super close with and are comfortable with cuddles and pecks on the cheek and they know it is platonic only and it’s perfect when I can hang out with them but, I’m afraid of when they all get into relationships of their own, will that make things different? will I make their partners uncomfortable?

one of them is already in a relationship but it’s with a friend who’s familiar with the dynamic of our weird group so he doesn’t care if I sit next to his girlfriend and lay my head on her shoulder and kiss her on the cheek, but I’m concerned about outsiders, people who aren’t familiar

and I see my friends so rarely anyway because of my job and just everyone’s lives and I just feel kinda lonely… but I don’t know how to talk about it with people who aren’t aroace because everyone always assumes loneliness is fixed with romance and I DON’T want the 'you’ll find someone for you!’ talk I cannot handle that shit goD

I mean even a pet would make me feel better but I can’t get one right now because of my living situation and even if I did I have like, this anxiety about germs and washing my hands after touching animals and fur gives me allergies so, even if I had a big dog that I could cuddle and have sleep next to me for comfort I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about the germs and the hair all over my house and I’d feel like I’d have to wash the bedsheets every day

I just feel like, I can’t have what would make me happy… and I’m just really bummed out about that right now, maybe if I could find another aroace spec person who gets it? but I’d have to find someone who is not only ALREADY rare to find, but also in my area and gets along with me, I only know one other aroace person and we… don’t really talk any more so, she’s not even remotely an option

the society we live in is not built to make people of my sexuality comfortable, and that makes me feel… really shitty right now, I just want someone to hold me and be held by me and not expect anything more than that, why does that have to be so much to ask?

Ok but LISTEN: modern-ish AU rat plays the violin in some folk punk band, please discuss

(Patrly inspired by the fact that everyone seems to drawn modern!rat in suspenders (which, good) and that Dreadnoughts gig I went to a couple years ago, in which they accidentaly burned their violin amp, I got a blackeye in the moshpit, and at the last song the ceiling coffers fell down on them, it was beautiful and I’d absolutely go again)

I'm dead

my hands are shaking. I’m so fucking emotional invested in these characters it’s probably not healthy. And god that was so beautiful how the music came on and Sana tuned out everything else and looked so beautiful dreaming about Yousef. Been waiting for a clip of her looking up his Facebook and now we got it and eventing with this clip was just ajdhajdnnddnndn. And I don’t have any words for Isak and Even…but Isak knows now so things will be set into motion. Yup still crying..

2

“Tell her,” Frederick urges with a slow nod.
Connor doesn’t balk, not once. He slowly but surely rotates to face me. Calmly, he says, “Five seconds. I tried leaving sooner, but I did see you half-dressed.” He pauses. “I didn’t see you giving head, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That’s what I always thought, and I really, really appreciate it. What you did…”
“Don’t.” Connor’s deep blue eyes never dart away from mine. “Don’t appreciate me, Daisy. Because it wasn’t for you. I manipulated a man and used your evidence to further a ploy that benefited me and my family.”
He can paint the selfish portrait, but that picture is only half-complete.
“Maybe your intentions were never to help me, but you did. And it’s not the only thing you did.” It’s more than just interrupting Julian and me during Princesses of Philly. “How many photographs have you bought? The ones that photographers took of me backstage when I modeled?” I’m not sure if there’s more than just the one from Paris, but I remember that one like a deep, visceral scar in my body. Photographers captured pictures of me naked backstage at a Paris fashion show.
I never knew what happened to them.
They never leaked online. In time, I realized that Connor Cobalt is the only one who had the resources to buy them. To stop them.
To help me.
I believe he did it because he loves Rose, and Rose loves me. What power their love truly has.
Connor observes me for a second, his features harder to interpret. Then he turns to our therapist. “You see, I’m not as self-serving as you believe me to be.”
“As you believe yourself to be,” Frederick corrects.

hahahaha okay so i’ve been going through my writing tag and wow, i don’t remember writing half of those things hahaha. or why?? how even??

anyway, i was thinking about posting them on ao3 so that they won’t just be buried under tumblr posts. what do you guys think?

“You are afraid,” Qui-Gon stated plainly.

A look of shame came over Obi-Wan’s face, but he did not deny it.

“My heart is full of dread,” he admitted. “I wish we were on another

mission - any other mission. I am not sure I have the courage to face the

Holocron… ”

Qui-Gon leaned toward his apprentice. “You have every right to be

afraid,” he said quietly. “Allow yourself to feel the fear - really feel

it - and then let the emotion go. If it comes back, feel it again and let

it go again. There should be no shame in one’s emotions.”

“I am not at fault if it comes back?” Obi-Wan asked, looking up.

“No, Padawan,” Qui-Gon replied. “We cannot control how we feel.

Only how we choose to handle our feelings.”

— 

The Followers, Jude Watson 

(for all the haters lately who keep saying the Jedi were emotionally stunted or encouraged to deal with their feelings in an unhealthy way)

Thinking about the fact that Mary was the only woman who ever understood Edward, probably better than he even understood himself, and actually believed in him. Actively believed in him and never left him. And even when she died she swore she would still always be with him.