i mean he didnt influence anyone to fight for the lives of others

MISTER 101: Why do you do this?

I was posed the question this morning.. and while its come in different forms before, the way it was presented here struck a chord in me. So I figured it was time to take the chance to explain myself… because ultimately I am sure its something that peaks the interest of many who follow me.

THE BEGINNING

I remember every single detail about that night.

The way he stared at me made me uneasy at first, but after I realized it was an inquisitive spirit and not one that wanted to take advantage of me, I was put at ease. Being a college freshman from a small poor town having never met anyone outside of your bubble can be intimidating you know… 

So when he said: “Come with me, I have something to show you”.. I didnt think twice, because I had this burning suspicion that my life was about to change in an epic way.. and it did. 

It was most likely the space of 45 minute to an hour but it felt like a rebirth and a new beginning of timeline. As though in some form or fashion I broke away from the timeline I was living in and entered into an alternate existence. I felt alive and aware like I never had beforeI had become awakened. 

GROWING AGAIN

At that age and the first time away from home you can become influenced by man things. Especially when you basically grew up with nothing… its often sometimes hard to tell whats right and wrong. But there was something most definitely right in the almost daily sessions. The lectures… the teaching.. the observations….. the encouragement. It all came together like a familiar puzzle that you have put together a hundred times, but yet each time still seems fresh and new in some strange way. 

It was made clear to me above all else that the information I was being given was sacred. That it was to be used for ultimate benefit to others, and never to be abused. It was told and retold… emphasized and drilled.. I realized that I was being given the opportunity of a lifetime.

All those hours at the mall watching people… all those nights sitting in the corner taking mental notes as he worked over his subs in scene time.. all those extra hours in psychology and criminology classes for no reason but to learn everything I could about myself and why I was this way. All the munches and presentations and books…. all the time spent with rope in my hands… with another persons trust in my hands… with the power to make or break.. in my hands. 

“No matter what you do, always do it with an ultimate purpose. When she asks “Why?”, always have an answer… when she submits, always be grateful”

Even now I begin to tear up recalling those words being spoken into my right ear and the gentle touch on my shoulder. He was always so gentle with my ignorance… he was always very deliberate with his teachings. 

RESPONSIBILITY & RESTRAINT

Its one thing to dream, its another to dare, and its something completely else to dominate. Much like a prize fighter trains for his title fights, I trained for the moment when the reigns were handed to me and I given the humbling opportunity to be in control. 

That first time I snapped my fingers and she shuffled into position was breathtaking. I paused, lost concentration… and felt that tap on my shoulder. 

“Remember… this is a great gift thats been given to you. Treat it that way”

Focus was found again, and as she stared into my eyes my soul devoured everything within her, consumed it and knew exactly what she wanted. All those hours spun into seconds and my awareness burned like a phoenix rising from the dark depths of the ruins of my former life. 

I was a Dom… I AM a Dom… and at that moment I fully came into the realization of the great responsibility placed in my hands, and the restraint with which I was expected to always express. 

Everything was always to be many things… A chance to grow. A chance to teach. A chance to learn. A chance to enhance anothers life and bring about something within them that was much like what he saw in me that night. A chance to make sure that someones like would be set into forward motion and that progress & growth would be ultimate goal. 

“Never abuse this power.. never take advantage of anothers eagerness and hunger to become alive like you had”

And so I always set upon approaching every opportunity with this mantra in mind… yes, her submission is a gift, yes, she needs what I have and received myself, yes, she deserves to come alive.. to grow… to progress.. to be fully alive.

TIME WELL SPENT

And so through all the classes, the teaching, the meetings and munches.. through all the practical hands on, scene play, and so on… I became who I am.

“Never be complacent. When you stop learning, you have failed me”

These words cut me hard to the bone… even typiing them and hearing them in his voice in my head is like a punch in the gut to even think I would do such a thing. He gave me so much of his wisdom, knowledge and time that I shudder at the thought of ever grieving his spirit. 

WE ONLY HAVE WHAT WE REMEMBER

“you can never have any judgment… because you will always remember who you used to be”

Growing up I had nothing. My parents were busy, my older brother and his friends got a lot of joy out of making me a punching bag. At school I was ridiculed and taunted. Being fat and awkward and just wanting friends puts a target on your back the size of Texas. 

I was also a target in a different way by one of my brothers friends… and in the coldness of that damp basement one summer day he changed my life in ways that I both regret, feel ashamed of…  and feel blessed for. So then when my uncle did it again in my middle school years…. it seemed normal. 

But theres nothing normal about holding your fathers handgun to your head on a hot July day at the age of 12 and thinking theres nothing left in life. 

It was also at that early age words became powerful, important and valuable in great ways. 

“When you speak make it mean something, make it important. When you present yourself you are also presenting me”

After a botched love letter to a girl I had a crush on in which i misspelled the word “beautiful”, she decided to stand up and read the letter to the whole class and point out my mistakes. From that moment I decided that being well spoken was the key to success, and as such I began a path that not only saw me become a regional spelling bee champion… but also having aced English and rhetoric on the ACT college entrance exam.

I could have wallowed in my misery for those things that happened to me.. which are a minuscule part of my early life. But instead I made a choice.

I chose to do everything I could to get out of where I was and make sure that no one would ever take advantage of me in those ways again. I chose that instead of being codependent and weak and worthless… that there was a greater life outside of where I was and what was happening. 

Venerable actions

When you grow up having nothing, you either want everything or you form a respect for being simple.

In my case it became both and somewhere within my training I figured out that you could have everything you wanted with the most simple of actions. 

I knew that moment had arrived for me the night I was standing in front of a sub who was fully naked and in position… I was fully clothed and drinking tea and staring at her… And… doing nothing else. 

Within 5 minutes, cum had began to run down her inner thighs.

I had embraced the fullness of everything I had been taught. Everything I had yearned for.. all that time spent, those hours of tutelage, all that training had come into full fruition. And all I did was something simple.. drink tea and be myself.

A lot of people mistake my confidence for ego.

A lot of people think that the person I portray on my tumblr isn’t who exists in real life. 

“The respect you earn will be worth the most. Dont ever expect it. Just do what you know to do and it will come natural”

And with simple things, simple living, simple this simple that… everything becomes rather complex. Everything becomes vivid and deliberate. When you come to the table with  no expectations, you are rarely ever disappointed. When you have no expectations, you have no reason to judge. 

And how can I live without judgment… how is it that I understand and seem to be this giant lighthouse for everyone?

Experience breeds wisdom.

Been there, done that.

I know pain.. sorrow.. I know joy.. I know the depths at which life can take a person. I know what its like to want to die… to realize I should live. Ive been there… Ive been there when all hope seemed lost. Ive been there, shaking in the corner after being violated… Ive been there when all trust was lost. Ive been there when the indention of a gun barrell slowly fades from the skin in your temple. Ive been there when she waited a few seconds longer than I did… and squeezed. Ive been there… staring at the medication bottle and wondering what would happen… Ive been there holding a dying person in my arms who looked into my eyes and told me they were sorry. Ive been there when the police arrived.. Ive been there in the dead of night when you sit on your roof and stare at the stars and curse the sky. Ive been there.. on the floor with a bloody nose and sore ribs. Ive been there and watched it all slip away… 

And in every occurrence.. ive always looked forward. Ive always known that there was something better, that there was hope at the end.. its what keeps me motivated and going even today. Through the issues and the pain and the solitude, through the depths of my roadblocks.. it keeps me moving forward.

“Mistakes are opportunities. Always make the best of every one of them”

and so I do. Every mistake is a chance to improve. To be better tomorrow than I was yesterday.. and I do my best to bring those like me along for the journey.

So why do I do what I do?

Because this knowledge is sacred. because a promise made is a promise kept. Because when I was at my lowest, someone reached down into my grave and pulled me out and breathed new life into my lungs… 

I do this because I cannot sit by and watch anyone fall to the wayside. I cannot let those who were once like me be taken advantage of, and abused, and kicked around.. I cannot let this wisdom that was so graciously placed in me just rot away. 

I do this for every little.. and every daddy.. and every submissive.. and every kitten, puppy, piggy, slave, etc that exists within this beautiful culture and lifestyle that I have immersed myself in and grown within and fostered and found to be real and true. 

I do this because no one else will… no one else does.

The posts, the answers, the stories, everything… its all for you. YOU. Not for me… I am second within this great drama that is my tumblr. This is all for you and those will come after. 

Its the reason I read the stories.. because I know you need them for one thing or another. Its the reason I make the posts to teach and educate so you know better.. its the reason I give my time and sacrifice myself to be there no matter what. Its the reason I do what I do.. is because of all of you.

Thats why I am there. Yes there are thousands of you… thousands of strangers who come to me for everything and anything.

I saved someones life this week. I helped another on a date… i helped another choose special items for special time with their boyfriend. I helped someone else prevent an anxiety attack… I helped another prepare for a job interview.. and I did it all because I had to. I did it all because of the spirit inside of me that says I cant not do it….  

I do it all……for you……

…. because it was done for me.

A Real Look Into The Hong Kong Umbrella Revolution.

I’ve had so many concerned friends from around the world recently message me, concerned for my safety in Hong Kong. This post is to show my dear friends, and those from around the world what its actually like here in Hong Kong at this moment. 

Background: 

For anyone that doesnt understand what is going on, very quickly is that after the 1997 handover of HK from British rule to China it was promised that 2017 HK would be allowed a democratic vote of its own leader. However in August it was announced from Beijing that yes the 5 million eligible voters would be able to vote for their own leader, BUT from a preapproved pool of candidates picked by Beijing. This meant that these candidates would most likely be pro China. HK has been promised a special administrative region status, One country Two systems. The people of HK saw this as a betrayal and not a true democracy as promised, as was their right. 

The student movement to protest for this cause, to get the same democracy that we so luckily have in the West began last week, and over the weekend were joined by Occupy Central. It must be noted that they are two groups, but fighting for the same cause basically. Everyone wanted this outcome of a true democratic vote by peaceful means. No one protesting damaged any property, set any cars on fire, nor had weapons. What made this escalate so greatly was when the HK police fired tear gas and began pepper spraying everyone. The people of HK (unlike China) have a right to protest in public, and allowed this freedom of speech. There was no reason for the police to use violence, to resort to pepper spraying, shooting rubber bullets into the crowd. It must be noted though, that not all the police are horrid, and that they do have to follow orders from above as that is their job, but I believe there should have been better ways to handle the situation. So nonetheless, these are some main points of what turned this into Hong Kong biggest protest in decades, and being compared to 1989 Tiananmen. This is the Umbrella Revolution. 

Why is it called Umbrella Revolution? One, it is a mix because HK weather is in typhoon season and it often rains, so having an umbrella is crucial. However, when police used pepper spray, the same umbrellas were used by the protestors to shield themselves, and the day afterwards in the scorching hear these umbrellas were used to protect from the sun. Hence the cheeky name Umbrella Revolution. 

Today I got a chance to go down there and see for myself what it was like. From the news coverage around the world that I had seen, it seemed like it was utter massacre and destruction in Central. No wonder people were worried. The looped videos of police pepper spraying the old, the screaming and outcries of the people as police force came upon them. So at 4pm when I wandered into the streets of central (note that buses and public transportation dont go that far off, and all highways are now occupied by protesters) expecting the worst. However was I greatly mistaken. This was the most moving peaceful protest I had ever seen. Within steps of reaching the protest areas people came up and asked us if we needed any water, water stations set up area, food stations, makeshift first aid station (no one injured was there), and people peacefully gathered in all areas. Majority of which were students, just sitting around, talking to each other, on their phones, and even studying for exams! 

Let me take you through this photo journey so you have a real understanding of what its like in this protest.

Streets in Admiralty begin to be blocked. No cars and traffic can come through. Even tunnels were blocked by these barricades.

.. 

Lets not forget this is Central Hong Kong, one of the major business hubs of the world.. on a standstill. 

A lot of students sitting on the main highway. 

The students organized plenty of water stations so everyone could stay hydrated. Hong Kong is still pretty damn hot right now. 

Umbrellas for anyone who would need them, especially if those who were deciding to go to the front line if anything were to get rough again. 

Pop up first aid tents. Even Red Cross Hong Kong who’s office was by the protest site had opened up its door for first aid help. 

Signs like this could be seen everywhere. Even in other languages. 

Yellow ribbons were given out to show the support and fight for democracy. Also note that blue ribbons (not as commonly scene on site) are handed out or used on facebook profiles to show the support for the police. 

Bin areas to help keep the streets clean. Volunteers, the students would go around with these bags to help clean up any trash left behind. 

Supply stations. Everyone understood that you take only what was needed. 

And the crowd begins to form in Admiralty. Also it is interesting to note that once you get to the center of it, data is cut off, I dont know if its a mere coincidence that at that time there are too many people, but I wasnt able to send any messages to family in China. According to my relatives the chinese media wasnt covering much on these protests. go figure eh?

And a lot of signs to try and showcase their emotions and voices

And again, this is how organized it is. Recycling separation stations. 

Tired protesters on the sides of the highways. 

This guy here was handing out cooling pads that people put over their foreheads to fight the heat.

Yellow ribbons tied to the gates of the Central Government Office where a lot of the protests have centralized. 

Umbrellas that have served its purpose

These protests have been chanting for a change through peaceful non violent means. Everywhere you can see that its asking people to not be violent, there are signs even that say DO NOT GRAFFITI. They are not doing anything wrong. They have the right to protest in public spaces. The atmosphere is amazing, and so moving. To see this many people come together to fight for a cause and fighting for their future, through non violent means. They want their voices to be heard. They want the world to know that they just want to same kind of democracy that we take for granted. 

Even as it began to be dark, there were no signs of these guys going anywhere. 

Its hard to tell in the picture, but we did end up getting caught up in a very short freak rainstorm. Umbrellas started coming out, and while we didnt have any umbrellas with us, all the people around us sheltered us with theirs and quickly gave us garbage bags to protect ourselves and tissues to dry ourselves. All they said was “Thank you for supporting us!" 

And as night fell, Hong Kong being a city of smartphones, everyone took them out and in unison and shone their lights. It was surreal to see, everywhere as far as the eye could reach were these bright specs of lights, waving in the air, and chants of "jia you” (direct translation add oil, or meaning best of luck or keep going) and “Hong Kong” could be heard. Cheers, chants, singing continued. I’ve never been in a place that was so orderly and peaceful even when protesting, yes the media has shown the rioting and tear gases, but for the other 90% of the time, its just people gathered wanting the goverment to feel the pressure that they cant be denied their rights, and showing that people coming together do have power and influence. I dont know what Beijing will do. In my opinion, they are in a hard place because the entire world is watching their move and for them give HK exactly what they want shows that they are losing power and let a protest overrule them, meaning next time people will just protest again. And Beijing cant have that. They need to maintain their power. CY Leung is feeling the pressure. The Chief Executive of Hong Kong. His is a name people wont forget. But not for the better. The numbers 689 can be seen, showing the number of votes that he had received. I think that despite what happens, because I truly dont know what will, Hong Kong now has the world watching, showing that they cant be stepped on and they will fight for their rights. And that in itself is a success. So dear friends, theres no danger. Take what media shows with a grain of salt. Its just majority of students, the feared upon millenials stretching their wings. 

This is the city that I live in. This is the city that is fighting for democracy. This is the city that wants to be heard. This is the city fighting for their voices to be heard. This is the Umbrella Revolution. This is Hong Kong.

How Daryl Changed Carol!

This one is for vicki (froggirl68)

A lot has been written and discussed about the positive influence Carol has had on Daryl Dixon’s character and her own personal role in his transformation from the surly outsider to the “hero-like” figure we saw at the prison in Season 4.

The unique bond between them is described as “damaged people gravitating towards damaged people” and it’s primary basis is indeed based on the unspoken familiarity of their shared wounds. The introduction of both Carol and Daryl into each other’s lives served as one of the major catalysts for change and growth in both of them because for possibly the first time in their lifetime they were given the freedom to explore the possibilities of unconditional acceptance without any expectation.

The key aspect of their connection is not that either was “fixed” or “changed” by the other one but the dynamic of their relationship was such that they were able to see the potential and worth that before their meeting might have gone unrecognized and was most likely discouraged in their past. 
The irony of both Carol and Daryl’s lives is that it took an apocalypse and the end of their world for them to truly be free and become their own “person” - the fact that the essential character changes took place once they were “together” is by no means a coincidence!

In my opinion Carol is the most “transformed” character in the TWD world and I would even go as far as to say that most people considered her to be an “underdog” at first whose survival was not just unexpected but also dubious at best. After all “look how far she’s come”!

The show “paired” up Carol and Daryl very early on in series and almost from the very beginning of their introduction their arcs flowed parallel to each other and major “events” associated with their characters seemed to be key in the others as well. 

Carol played a “minor” role in Season 1 but her story was solidified and made clear from the get go as we learned that she was married to an abusive man and was somewhat of a overprotective, dotting mother to her only child, Sophia. Her paths crossed with Daryl after Ed died in a walker attack and it was HIM that handed her a pick axe when she made the decision to take back control of her life and to prevent his re-animation herself. That pivotal, raw-emotional scene albeit brief and insignificant to some was to become a defining moment in Carol’s journey of transformation from a woman beaten down to a woman finally willing to fight back. Daryl was there to see her do just that and the implications of that scene are closely connected to Daryl’s own abusive past and the foundation of the CARYL bond.

In Season 2 Daryl played an important role in Carols story because of his part in the search for Sophia and his initiation of an emotional connection between the two of them.

During the time while Sophia was still just “missing” the surly-angry Daryl Dixon revealed his own abusive past involving his father and brother, his own experience of being lost alone in the woods, his struggles with group integration and his limited experience with “healthy” social relationships. Essentially everything Daryl put on the table pointed to the fact that this is not somebody who would initiate “feeling-type” interactions very easily or at all. 

However with Carol he did exactly that! 

As he saw her grieve the loss of her daughter, deal with the uncertainty of her fate and subsequently start to lose hope that she would be found alive, Daryl took matters into his own hands and with a little help from a Cherokee Rose and it’s legend HE unprompted or guided by anyone else but his own heart went out of his way to try and make Carol feel better.

Daryl’s attempts were of course anything but smooth, he struggled through the execution of his “hope delivery” and suffered physical injuries during his own “independent” search efforts BUT through it all he went out of his way to reassure, comfort and boost Carols morale as she waited. 

For the first time Carol had someone else who was actively trying to be in tune with her “feelings”, who was putting themselves in both emotional and physical jeopardy for her (through Sophia) and was showing more devotion to her and her daughter than Ed ever did.

When she says to Daryl that he is “every bit as good as them” she is thanking him and acknowledging his actions, she is trying to boost his own “sense of worth” but she is also seeing what Daryl did for Sophia as “proof” that there are still good people in the world - men that would risk their lives for the good of others and men that would something for her without any expectations in return. That realization alone had to have had a deep empowering and hopeful awakening in her seeing how up to then the only man around her she had to compare to was a low-life like Ed. 

The support and Daryl’s own proactive approach to the search for Sophia becomes even more significant when we consider that the rest of the group seemed to give Carol a wide berth during this time period. Whether they didnt know what to say or were preoccupied with their own personal dramas the fact of the matter remains that most of the interaction Carol experienced while Sophia was “gone” featured Daryl Dixon himself and therefore the majority of her grief and turmoil was spent right in front of him. When she faltered he showed up with a flower and when he got angry with her over her dwindling faith in a happy outcome and him he took her to see an entire Rose bush.

The period after the discovery of Sophia in the barn at first thought seems to represent a division between Carol and Daryl because the scenes they shared afterwards were fraught with tension, anger, confrontation and emotionally laden scenes.

The way I interpret it however can be summed up with a single expression “True Friends Stab You in the Front, Not the Back” because the dynamic between Carol and Daryl while volotile at times was actually necessary for both of their development.

Carol brought Daryl back to the group when he considered leaving because of his perceived failure over Sophia’s fate AND Daryl was the only one that dared to tell Carol the truth and voiced the very accusations she herself was tortured by. The line “I lost my daughter I didn’t lose my mind” directed at Rick and Lori illustrated the approach the rest of the group was taking with her. Call it what you will avoidance, pacification, walking on egg-shells or denial BUT ultimately Daryl was the only one that sat with her in that RV not saying any “empty words” to soothe her and he was also the only one to say “If you kept an eye on her, she’d still be alive” which was an accusation Carol had been haunted by since the very beginning.

The words and the delivery were harsh but Carol had needed to confront what happened, gain closure and focus on the living - ironically the most emotionally “constipated” person in the camp was the one to help her do just that. 


Following the infamous “Sophia wasn’t mine” conflict the dynamic between Carol and Daryl shifts and they are able to both move on forward, closer than ever, connected and bonded even more than before.It is after this that we see other group members associating them with each other - Dale himself insinuated that Carol looks to Daryl within the group and he didn’t deny it either.

Sophia’s death and the events that transpired on the Greene farm between these two ultimately created a mutual deep connection that made both of them stronger, more integrated within the group and expecting more from themselves - all changes derived directly from the interactions they had with one another.

Daryl wanted to be more than Merle’s “little brother”, a man worthy of Carols trust, while Carol wanted to be more than “just a burden” to the group, a survivor that contributes more than just domestic duties.

Season 3 premiere started out with a dramatic change in all group members but the one transformation that was more startling than the rest was certainly the one the audience saw in Carol. 

The woman who didn’t know how to handle a weapon was now getting “Nice Shooting” from Daryl Dixon himself.
The woman who was terrified from walkers was now quite comfortable baiting and killing them by the fences and lest we forget the “zombie hysterectomy” in the yard. 
The woman who was quiet and hesitant to speak was now discussing group decisions, performing medical procedures and making “oral sex” jokes with the likes of Daryl Dixon.
The woman who could barely look a man in the eye before was now threatening to slice Merle Dixon’s throat in the middle of the night and concocting “vagina warfare” with Andrea against the Governor. 


The Carol from the quarry and the Carol from the Greene farm was almost completely gone. 
The very fact that multiple group members alluded to Carol and Daryl as a separate unit and the story line more than confirms the significance of their “undefined” relationship, all indicate that Daryl is the one closest to Carol so we can safely assume that the transformation we see within her character was more than likely heavily influenced by him.

The importance of each other is solidified by highlighting the impact when they are indeed separated - when Carol is presumed “dead” the writers go out of their way to remind us of Daryl’s grief and when Daryl leaves with Merle the emotional impact of his loss is more than evident in her reaction.

The thing that is very important to mention is that even though Carol is indeed very close to Daryl the changes she herself undergoes are not ones driven by him - her growth doesn’t depend on him in a way where she “needs him” but the influence is more felt in a form of understanding and acceptance.

Daryl holds no judgment over her and in turn she doesn’t either - the freedom to be unconditionally loved and recognized is something beautiful in any relationship.

Season 4 once again gives us both Carol and Daryl significantly different than their Season 3 counterparts and just as before Carols transformation is the one noticed the most.

The premiere gives us Carol as an obvious leader and the change in her demeanor, body language and confidence is more than a little striking. Daryl and Carol seem to be on a more even playing field in terms of emotional exchange and their interactions only further indicate their teamwork. We see Daryl more engaged with her in a social aspect and definitively in tune with her emotions, prepared to reach out if he’s needed. 
Everything Carol did in Season 4 was almost designed to show us just how changed this woman had become.

Carol went from a woman who couldn’t make a decision about anything to a woman who didn’t trust the decisions she was making and finally to a woman who was not just able to make good decisions but was also prepared to take on their responsibility and suffer the consequences that came from her own choices.

She didn’t make a decision and backtrack from it after or try to cover it up and hide from the reprecutions of a choice - Carol learned that in a world they live in second-guessing, doubting and dwelling on the past is not just pointless but also dangerous for survival. 

Guess who she learned that lesson from? 

Daryl Dixon himself is a guy who doesn’t talk about the “would haves - could haves”, he doesn’t rehash the past and it’s mistakes, he looks ahead and keeps-on going further because opting-out and looking back is pointless regardless what kind of world you live in. 

Daryl’s “person” Carol Peletier is now operating full on in Dixon survival mode.