i mean apparently yesterday

anonymous asked:

Hi love! So I read this somewhere and it gave me an idea for a prompt. Basically after Mulder says yes to IVF, he goes back and wonders why him. He knows that Scully finds him reckless, stubborn, he himself knows he is an asshole sometimes (esp. to S). So maybe he goes back to confront her about her choice of why him and S explains. I think this also comes from M's reaction to compliments (remember Piper Maru?) I know you have tons to write but whenever the inspiration strikes :) - Detour Anon

You always have such wonderful prompts for me! I’m not sure I did this one justice. I tried my best. Set right after Mulder leaves Scully’s apartment in Per Manum. 

Tagging @fictober and @today-in-fic

Mulder can’t quite keep the grin off this face. Neither can he keep his eyes on the road. Or his concentration in check. A baby. He and Scully are going to try and have a baby. Not in the most traditional way, mind you. But when have they ever been traditional? Behind him a car blows the horn; Mulder didn’t notice the traffic light had changed from red to green. He puts his foot on the gas pedal, hopes that his mental autopilot directs him towards the Hoover Building and not into some ditch.

A baby.

A tiny human that’s half her and half him. Mulder has never seriously considered having children. It came up once when he and Diana were married. She was late and while they waited for the results, they used the tediously long minutes to speak about What If. Mulder didn’t want a child even if he never said the exact words to her. Not then, not with Diana. The negative result was the beginning of the end anyway. Though these days he knows it never should have started in the first place.

There is no doubt in Mulder’s mind that Scully will be a wonderful mother. In his mind, the baby is a small boy, who won’t have to compete with the hazy memory of Emily, a sister he’ll never meet. He’s got floppy hair, a reddish brown; the color of maple leaves in late fall. He’ll ask all the important questions with his big eyes: as big as saucers, as blue as the clearest ocean. Mulder loses himself in his daydream, in the idea of her child. Hers. Except it’s not going be just her. The poor kid, boy or girl, might end up with his nose. A car passes him by, the driver gesturing angrily through the window. Another traffic light he’s not paid attention to, Mulder realizes. 

His thoughts turn darker, change direction and his smile fades. Be careful, Mulder. Don’t jump on that train, Mulder. Don’t eat the evidence, Mulder. What if this potential child turns out just like him? Not listening to what he’s told, always convinced he knows better. Stubborn as a mule (though he’d never admit it to anyone). Reckless with his life and the feelings of others. Mulder sighs. Scully thinks everything through; whether it’s about which salad she should order, what clothes to wear or who to father her child. But then why him? So overwhelmed by her request, he did not even think about the Why. Once again he’d jumped right in. After she asked him, after she told him to think about it, he made his decision before she even left his apartment. The words had tickled his throat and only the expression on her face had stopped him. Think about it, she told him, tell me in a few days. That was Friday. Today, on Sunday, he could no longer keep quiet. Once or twice he wondered what she’d do about work. Whether or not she wanted him around for any of what would come after conception. None of his thoughts were as vivid as his dreams about the small child, pudgy arms and legs, squealing in delight, begging to be held. There was never a question as to what his answer would be.

Mulder’s car comes to a stop. So much for his autopilot: he is back at Scully’s place. Work can wait, he decides. It’s Sunday, after all. 

“Mulder?” Scully is surprised to see him back. “Please don’t tell me you changed your mind. I just called Dr. Parenti.”

“No! No, I didn’t change my mind. I was just wondering if you really thought this through?” No gentle preamble; he needs to know and he needs to know now.

“Excuse me?”

“No, that’s not what I - can I come in? I’m not sure your neighbors need to hear this.” She lets him in, crosses her arms in front of her. Mulder can’t blame her. This time she doesn’t ask if she can take his coat. Sweat breaks out on his forehead, trickles down his back and makes his shirt stick to him. 

“So you did change your mind.”

“No, I didn’t but Scully… why me?” Her eyes grow big, soften.

“Why you?” He nods, waits for her answer. 

“I’m not exactly a price, am I? You could choose anyone, Scully. Some handsome genius with impeccable manners and perfect genes. Why not choose that guy?“ 

"Sit down, Mulder.” He does as he’s told, her tone not giving him any other choice. She sits in front of him on her coffee table. She puts her hands on his thighs, their heads close together as if she’s about to share a secret with him.

“If you’d said no, I’m not sure I would have gone through with it. When Dr. Parenti asked me about a possible father… there was only you, Mulder. You were my first thought.”

“But-” She motions for him to be quiet. He bites his lip hard, nods. Scully is the reasonable one in this partnership. How does she not see his faults?

“You’re passionate, Mulder. You’re caring.”

“I’m stubborn.” He adds with a sheepish smile.

“You are,” Scully agrees with a matching expression, “but you’re stubborn in a good way. You never gave up on me, Mulder. Not when I was missing and not when I was in Antarctica. You never give up.” He’d go anywhere for Scully. If someone hid her away on the moon, he’d find her there, too. But her eyes tell him she is not done yet; must sense his remaining doubts.

“You have a beautiful mind,” she puts a finger against his forehead, “I love how your mind works. Well, most of the time. Your communications skills could use some work.”

“But Scully-” her fingers moves down from his forehead, touches his nose and lands on his lips. 

“I’m not done yet. You’re so open, Mulder. I know that your inclination to believe in just about anything drives me crazy sometimes. But it’s one of your greatest qualities." 

"You really think that?” Scully nods. 

“You infuriate me constantly, Mulder. But that doesn’t change the fact that I think you’re a wonderful man. The only man I can imagine myself doing this with.” There is something more she wants to say, he thinks. Her cheeks flush in a soft pink and he wonders if she considered telling him he’d make a great father. They’re not ready for that conversation just yet, though, and they both know it.

“I’m not too ugly either?” He grins at her, tries to take the seriousness out of their talk. 

“Did I answer your question, Mulder?” Scully’s hands are back on his thighs. Her face is still close. He could easily close the distance and kiss her, but they’re not quite ready for that step either. Soon, her eyes seem to tell him, and he nods, answers two questions; the one she asked and the one she didn’t.

“I should really go back to the office now.” Disappointment washes over her face and he regrets saying it. Before he can take it back though, she’s already gotten up; the moment is gone.

“Thank you again, Mulder. Dr. Parenti will call you with the details soon.” Back to business. Mulder gets up, too, sweaty and spent. He wants to hug Scully again just to feel her close, but doesn’t. 

“See you tomorrow? At work?” Scully nods, gives him one last, tiny smile.

“See you at work.” Mulder leaves with a stomach full of butterflies and a mind full of images of their precious baby boy. Soon.

TRAUMA - Lyrics + Meanings/Theories

I’m back. Apparently I cannot be stopped.

I made this post yesterday about the Trauma MV and its Symbolism. I’ve had the time to process the song now so I’m gonna break down the lyrics here. This post is mostly going to be for my personal interest and knowledge, but by all means, everyone is open to reading it and I’d love to hear what other Carats think.

Once again, these are my opinions. This is my translation of the song, based on my (somewhat mediocre) Korean skills, so there might be mistakes. I’ll edit this post in the future if this happens. 

To start off, let me put it out there that although I’m complete and utter Hoshi trash, HipHop Unit is my favourite unit. I find their lyrics to be the most raw and real, and they have this really unique sound plus the killer visuals are a sweet little bonus

I’ll go by each member and their verse and then talk about Mingyu last. Long post ahead beware

Vernon

Trauma got me baby
I dropped out when I was in the 8th grade, basically had no friends
Boxed in boxed in my lonely world
Stuck in my fantasy like dreaming it to be real life
I waited without thoughts but now I realize
I’m just going to be alone like this, I don’t know anything except for this
So I plug in my earphones, increase the volume
I don’t wanna be alone
I don’t want to forget Imma sing this song is anybody listening

Alright, pretty self-explanatory verse. I agree with other theories that each member is talking about his trauma/greatest fear. Hansol dug up some shit from his past here, dropping out of school to become an idol is not an easy feat. Being half-Caucasian, he used to receive hate and bullying from his peers, and maybe this is what he’s alluding to when he says he had no friends. 

Then he talks about being in his own little world, with his headphones plugged in. This was a running gag on OFD Japan, where Vernon was always spaced out, and Seungkwan tells him in the end that if he actually unplugged his headphones and listened, that he wouldn’t be the last member to always find out stuff. But Vernon is telling us here that there’s a reason he always has headphones in? It’s his escape? This dream world that he’s created. He’s rapping “I don’t want to be alone, is anybody listening” while surrounded by fans in a boxed room. Pretty clear imagery here: Despite all the fans around him, he feels alone and distant and like he has no friends. 

S.Coups

I’ll include all his verses here (he repeats one twice and then there’s one at the end)

I barely spat out my breath, it’s like I’m forgetting how to do it
Missing you is the hardest thing for me
Now the thoughts barely come, this light that is given to me
Unlike the stage where I am in my mind, is only one 1 pyeong 
[~3 metres]”(this is repeated twice, after Vernon’s part and then after Wonwoo’s)

“Yeah I’m singing singing, even when the sound of music decreases
Said I want to sing, yeah
Anybody will do, just get me out of here, or else you come in
.” (this is right before the final chorus)”

Sigh, Cheol. 

He’s the only one who mentions somebody else in his verse. All other members are talking about themselves. This, coupled with the bed setting in the MV, can symbolize maybe an intimate relationship - either the loss of a lover or a friend?

Alternatively, his trauma can be losing those close to him? His lyrics are vague. “The light that is given to me, unlike the stage in my mind, is only 3 metres”. My heart breaks a little here. Is he saying that he doesn’t feel appreciated enough? That not enough light is shed on him? He is sitting in the darkness alone in one of the shots, so it makes sense. Cheol is a surprisingly underrated member. He’s a fantastic rapper, lyricist, and dancer but never quite gets to stand out (coming up behind to composer Jihoon and choreographer Hoshi). His job, as overall leader, is to monitor from the background, to show off SVT as a group, instead of standing out himself. Personally, (and not because im biased hush) he’s my favourite rapper in the unit, I love his style, and I wish he’d get the spotlight more often to showcase just how good he really is.

I don’t really have any theories for his last verse. He continues to sing even when the music dies down, indicating that he works relentlessly without break (the bed can also symbolize sleep! aka taking rest and we all know Cheol is against resting smh). The last line “Anybody will do, just get me out of here or you come in” can indicate that he is alone in his burden and wants someone to rely on idk. 

[EDIT] After basically having this song on repeat for the past 2 weeks or so, I think what Seungcheol was alluding to was his delayed debut. “Said I want to sing”, “Anybody will do, just get me out of here” probably means that he’s talking about his time spent locked away in the Pledis basement, never knowing when or if he’d be able to make it in the industry. I just want to hug him. 

Wonwoo

HERE COME THE WATERWORKS. JEON WONWOO YOU ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL MAN, LET ME HUG YOU AND KEEP YOU WARM

Brr brr
Unforgettable things about my accustomed immaturity
The trauma that stemmed from my inner doubts
What is my reason for existing?
Even though I regret it, it bothers me like a loach
I’m going to sing, no I’m going to lock away my trauma even more yeah
The pit that I dug myself is getting even deeper
Yeah, deeper, deeper, and I can’t even find it myself
Even I don’t know the end of this trauma, I need a hand to hold

He is most certainly talking about his SNSD ‘scandal’ – his unforgettable memory of his immaturity. He regrets it, but it continues to eat at him so much that he questions himself daily. He talks about how he sings to lock away his feelings, but that just means he’s digging himself a hole that keeps getting deeper and he doesn’t know how to get out. 

Wonwoo’s trauma is mental, unlike the rest, its all in his head. But sometimes, the mind can be the hardest to run away from. 

Mingyu

“I’m in trauma it’s got me sick*
Stuck in trauma I’m just going to sing
Blah blah blah blah why can’t I forget?
That’s my trauma my trauma yeah
Now it’s got me sick, sick, sick*
Stuck in trauma I’m going to sing
That’s my trauma my trauma yeah

*Idk if it’s sick or sing we will have to wait and see

He literally says his trauma is that he cannot forget. Forget what? The Blah Blah Blah can represent noise inside his head that he can’t shut out, it can represent the hate he received when he debuted, it can represent things he reads about himself on news etc. 

Mingyu’s was the most general, obviously considering it was the chorus. I think his trauma was shown more clearly via imagery instead of lyrics. The room he was in was a mess (and we all know Mingyu is clean and likes to be organized) and it can mean his cluttered thoughts, as well as the high expectations laid out on him 


Alright, I’m done. This song is a masterpiece and I’m doing this post so that hopefully some people read it and appreciate the lyrics as well. The MV is a piece of art, no doubt, but Trauma goes deeper than that.

These boys willingly shared their feelings with us, something not a lot of idols do. This is raw, this is real. This shows that not everything is always rainbows and unicorns and that they are human too. I have never related to an idol more in my life than I have to SVT’s HipHop Unit, not just with Trauma, but with Can’t See The End, with Lean on Me, with If I. SVT in general has that effect (Still Lonely is another perfect example)

Maybe it’s just me, but i feel a burden. They’ve let us see how they really feel, and its our job as Carats to give back. They fully trust us, enough to tell us their personal fears and stories. I’m honoured to be a part of this fandom, this family, and to be trusted with something that comes from a really personal space. They are willing to show us their weaknesses and seriously, all we have to do is respect their space, their talent, and not abuse the trust that they have placed in our hands. 

I can’t wait for the other Unit MVs, and the album. Seventeen never fail to astound me with every new release.

TL;DR: Please appreciate my children, if you haven’t listened to SVT yet what are you doing with your life seriously.