i may or may not have started crying while making this

Today marks exactly one year since the Sewol Ferry tragedy in South Korea on 16/04/14.

For those who don’t know about this tragic event, Sewol Ferry was travelling to Jeju Island with approximately 500 or so passengers. around 300 were students and staff of a high school in South Korea who planned to go to Jeju Island for a school trip.

During the travel process from Seoul to Jejudo, the ferry started to tip and began to capsize. The captain of the ferry ordered everyone to stay calm and return to their rooms, which many obeyed, before the captain escaped from the ferry himself with some other crew members.

Rescue boats were immediately contacted and they hurriedly made their way to the sinking ferry. There were a number of passengers who didn’t go back to their rooms and stayed on the deck, waiting for help, and a majority of them were rescued. However, the other 300 passengers who obeyed the captain’s words remained in their rooms until the ferry completely capsized.

During this rescue process, families of the passengers of the ferry hurriedly gathered at the dock where the ferry had departed, hoping with all their might that their family member will return safely, even though the chances weren’t high. To some people’s absolute joy, they are assured that their loved one has returned. But for some others, they are faced with the harsh reality that they may never be able to see their child/sibling/friend ever again.

One mother of a survivor of the ferry shared that she had received a text message from her son, saying: “I don’t know when I’ll be able to tell you this again, Mom, but I love you.” The mother, at the time, was oblivious to the situation, and texted back: “Oh I love you too, my son.” Soon enough she was hit with the tragic news that the ferry was sinking, and quickly made her way there. Thankfully, her son was one of the few lucky survivors.

There have also been other stories shared from the students contacting their parents about the disaster they were involved in, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find them online. (Sorry).

Rescue divers have also shared stories of what they’ve seen while they attempted to retreat the dead bodies of the 300 students, staff and other passengers in the sunken ferry:

- Many of the student’s fingers have all be broken or crushed, most likely due to their attempt to escape the ferry before death hits them.

- Dead bodies of students have been seen to hold hands with each other.

- A boy and a girl have buckled their life jackets to each other, most likely not wanting to part with each other as their lives disappear in front of their eyes. The rescue diver shared that it broke his heart, knowing that he was only able to take one student at a time, forcing him to unbuckle the life vests of these young students.

Just like this, within moments, hundreds of lives have been lost. What makes this event especially heartbreaking is that a majority of the deaths are innocent students. Those students are just around my age, perhaps 1-2 years older. I can’t even imagine what their loved ones are going through throughout past year, knowing that they’ll never see their children again.

The vice principle of the school these students belonged to had also suicided by hanging himself, blaming himself for the cause of these students. The survivors have been going through a difficult time without their friends. The lower grades of the school will have no senior grades to look up to. As reporters visited the school, they have reported that many heartfelt messages had been written on the desks of the students who have lost their lives.

I am crying so much as I write this, and I just ask that everyone should pray for the people who have unrightfully lost their lives like this, and also for the families and friends of the non-survivors. Losing these students are a huge loss to their amazing country, and we should always remember such a tragedy and hopefully learn from this and do better in the future.

This may just be “just another accident” to the rest of us, but please think about it. 300 teenage students killed on their way to a school trip. This is just another level of innocence of undeserved deaths. Imagine if their trip was scheduled for even 1 day later. 300 young lives with bright futures could have continued living, and such a tragic loss wouldn’t have taken place.

2014 definitely wasn’t a great year for many countries, so let’s forget about these tragic events and move on, but also keep them in our hearts forever at the same time. Life goes on so let’s make 2015 better. When there is a chance for an act of kindness, do not hesitate and do it. The students who have lost their lives in the Sewol ferry would have certainly been kind people.


(Also, the captain of the ferry who escaped by himself has been sentenced 36 years in prison, 30 years for the chief engineer, and 5-20 years for the rest of the 13 crew members who escaped from the ferry before, leaving the passengers to fend for themselves.)

PLEASE READ THIS AND TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

WRITTEN BY A COP: Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one’s life. In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation… This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, & everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you… Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.. The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.
DON’T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,
and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,
LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat:
DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware:look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor ,
and in the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women
are attempting to get into their cars. C.) Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then,
it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked ‘for help’ into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late
and she thought it was weird.. The police told her ‘Whatever you do, DO NOT
open the door..’ The lady then said that it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.’ He told her that they think a serial killer
has a baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby.. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby’s cries outside their doors when they’re home alone at night.

10. Water scam! If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full blast so that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbors! Please pass this on
This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America ’s Most Wanted when they profiled
the serial killer in Louisiana

I’d like you to forward this to all the women you know.
It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle..
I was going to send this to the ladies only,
but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc.,
you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need
to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it
and it’s better to be safe than sorry..
Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life.

King of Memes

Or, how Tony Found Out About Bucky’s Blog. 


Tony couldn’t seep. Sometimes he managed a few hours if he was tired enough, so usually he went to the gym and worked out until he was exhausted. Tonight, though, he found the gym already occupied: Barnes, with his hair tied up, working steadily at the heavy bag. Normally Tony would make an awkward comment and leave him to it, but instead he just heads for the opposite side of the gym. After setting up at one of the far treadmills, Tony worked his way to a easy run. Barnes was laying his fists rhythmically into the bag, and the quiet thumping was sort of strangely soothing. Between the running and the thumping, Tony slipped into a near-trancelike state.

 And then Barnes let out an ungodly howl, drew back his left fist, and slammed it straight through the heavy bag with a roar of, “DIE A THOUSAND BURNING DEATHS!”

Tony fell off the treadmill, scrambled to his feet, and booked it to the elevator.


kingofmemes posted:

holy shit you guys there was a spider on my punching bag !!! thanks to my many years of combat experience & martial arts training things are okay now

Posted at 4:47 AM, 37294 notes


Keep reading

Okay so I see some posts about executive dysfunction that kinda misrepresent what it is, so I wanted to clarify.

Executive dysfunction is not: laziness, lack of motivation, lack of willpower, lack of self-control, bad attitude, an excuse to not do something
Executive dysfunction is: an actual deficiency in the function of the frontal lobe that can be seen and measured in an MRI scanner, associated with neurodivergencies such as autism and ADHD, and mental illnesses

When you can’t do something because of ED, it’s not because you aren’t motivated enough or lack self-control. It’s because your brain literally isn’t running the commands needed to make your body move and do the things you need to. You may be hella motivated and determined to do something and you still won’t be able to because you don’t know where to start or how to proceed to the next step or what to do at all. You may be very hungry, know that you have a frozen pizza in your fridge, yet not be able to do the “fairly simple” steps to cook that pizza because of ED.

Executive dysfunction cannot be helped with more motivation, rewards, hard work or whatever. The part of your brain that is supposed to break the task into steps and guide you through them isn’t working right now, and no amount of rewards or discipline will make it work. The only things you can do is accommodate for the lack of this function: either ask someone near you to guide you through the steps of your task, or have a list of steps prepared beforehand, while your frontal lobe was more merciful. Shouting, crying, blaming, punishing yourself, etc won’t do one bit to help it.

And for people who don’t know what it’s like to have ED and have people around them who do have it, here’s the thing: instructions have to be very precise. I know you never pay attention to this because you don’t have to, but here’s the deal - even the smallest steps have to be akwnoledged. For example you may think that an instruction to make tea looks like this:

1. Fill the kettle with water and boil it.
2. Put a tea bag in your cup.
3. Add sugar if you want
4. Pour hot water into your cup
5. Take the bag out after a minute or two
6. Enjoy your tea

But it has many, many intermediate steps that a typically functioning frontal lobe will figure out, but a person affected by executive dysfunction won’t be able to do. So instead that instruction will look more like this:

1. Open the kettle
2. Open a bottle of water/turn on tap water
3. Fill the kettle with water
4. Turn off the tap water/close the water bottle
5. Close the lid on the kettle
6. Push the button to turn it on

And so on. So that one step in the first instruction is actually six steps in the second instruction. And giving a person with executive dysfunction the first instruction probably won’t help them at all. And btw this is might be the reason that person in your life leaves the lights on or doors open or products out of the fridge all the time - their brain just doesn’t guide them through it.

So, things to remember:
1) Executive dysfunction is a real thing and it’s not the person’s fault
2) It cannot be helped with motivation, self-control, discipline, rewards or punishments
3) It can be helped with careful, thorough instructions prepared by yourself beforehand or by someone else without ED
4) It is very difficult and frustrating for the person experiencing it first and foremost
5) If you have ED, be kind to yourself. Learn ways around it. Rest from time to time. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. And be honest to yourself about whether you can or cannot do the thing yourself. Trust me, it will help you in the long run.

So you want to write an autistic character.

Wait, what? Why would I do that?

I have two main answers to that question.

  • We exist! We’re part of natural human diversity! It is estimated that around 1% of people are autistic (and the number may be even higher). That may not sound like a lot, but 1% of 7.5 billion people is 75 million people! Which means that there are more autistic people than there are French people in the world. So if you want to write diverse characters, an autistic character is something to consider seriously!
  • Good, accurate representation of autistic people in media helps autism become more well-known by the general public. If people see us as humans when they read about good autistic characters in books, they are more likely to see us as humans when they come across one of us in the real world, and to treat us accordingly. So by writing an autistic character, you’re helping autistic people everywhere, in your own way.


OK, I’m convinced. But what is autism anyway?

Let’s start with what it is not! Autism is not a mental illness. This means this is not something you can somehow get later in life: you can start having depression at any stage in your life, but you are born autistic. Moreover, while depression and some other mental illness can be cured or be temporary, you are autistic for your whole life.

So what is it? It is considered a developmental disorder. This means that you born autistic, and that every stage of your development (baby-> toddler->child->teenager->adult->elderly person) is affected by autism, and will happen differently than that of a non-autistic person.

It is also considered a disability: there are things in of life that non-autistic people can do that are difficult or impossible for autistic people.

Finally, it is what we call a neurodivergence: this means that our brain is wired in a way that is different to that of most people. While it can make life harder for us in some regards, we are in no way lesser to non-autistic people, just different. We also have abilities and positive traits that others lack. And most the problems we encounter in our daily life are not because of autism per se, but because of a lack of awareness, understanding, and accommodations from others.

It is important to note here that autism is something that is still being researched,  and not everyone agrees with all of the above definitions, but we’ll get into this discussion in another post!

So tell me, what are autistic people like?

First of all, there is a very important thing to keep in mind: We are all different. We are all our own person, and we are just as diverse (or maybe even more so) than non-autistic people are. We all have a mix-and-match assortment of autistic traits, traits that are not typically autistic, and personal quirks. All of these can have different expressions, different intensities and different triggers depending on the person, but also on the context and on the moment. So there is not one way to be autistic, but as many ways as there are autistic people (that is, a lot.)

With that in mind, I will list here some common autistic traits that we will be expanding on in future posts: this may serve as a table of contents of sorts.

  • Difficulties with everything social: understanding social rules, understanding non-verbal cues and conversational rules, and using them correctly is very difficult for most of us. We often struggle with making friends and finding romantic partners.
  • Difficulties with typical communication: a lot of autistic people have trouble with communicating verbally (this includes sign language), and some are sometimes or always non-verbal. A lot of us prefer alternative means of communication such as typing. Even when we do talk, we may do so oddly.
  • Sensory differences: We can be hyper- or hypo-sensitive to different sensory inputs. This translates to a lot of us as struggling with things like loud noises, bright lights or being touched.
  • Stimming: You may often find us flapping our hands, rocking back and forth, twirling our fingers, playing with our hair, pacing… or even things like hitting our heads or biting ourselves.
  • Meltdowns and shutdowns: When we are very overwhelmed, we can have violent meltdowns which can include shouting, crying, and self-harming stims, or shutdowns in which we completely stop reacting and responding to our environment.
  • Special interests: Most of us have one or several topics which we are very, very interested in. They can change with time or be lifelong. We can spend hours researching such topics and talking about them. A special interest can look obsessive to outside observers.
  • Need for routine: We often need to have our days planned in advance following a routine, and we can be very upset if there is a sudden change to that routine or if something unplanned happens.
  • Executive dysfunction: Getting started on an activity, figuring out and following all the steps which it involves, switching activities and making decisions can all be difficult things for us.

There are other common autistic traits which we’ll talk about later, but these are the main ones.

This will be all for an introductory post. If you have any question, our ask-box is open!

anonymous asked:

okay J, now that the writers queerbaited the fuck outta us, it's time for you to work your magic and give us a longer version of the "belated valentine's day prom". PLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEE

A continuation of this – http://queergirlwriting.tumblr.com/post/157525909609/man-i-would-fucking-love-to-get-a-scene-where-kara

She calls it a pet peeve. But it’s not.

It’s a trauma.

She calls it a pet peeve. But it’s not.

It’s a need.

It’s a need because she was fourteen and high school was amazing because Eliza held her hand and Eliza snuck her dad’s cigarettes down from the house and they crawled into the bathroom of the basement and giggled, their lips so close – Eliza’s lips looking so soft – as they blew the smoke out of the small vent so Eliza’s parents wouldn’t catch them.

But it wasn’t the smoke that Eliza’s parents caught.

It was the card.

The card, the card, the card.

The fucking valentine’s day card.

The betrayal that ended everything.

Because her father called her downstairs with the phone still in his hand and her father smacked her across the face with the back of that hand and her father gave her ten minutes to pack her things and to get out of his house and to never come back because she is filthy and she is ungrateful and she is selfish and she is wrong, and her mother cried but her mother didn’t stop him, and her face stung and her heart stung worse and her hands trembled but her face stayed dry because she would never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her break for being who she is.

She calls it a pet peeve. Needing to be heard.

Because Eliza didn’t hear her. Her father didn’t hear her. None of her exes had ever heard her.

She calls it a pet peeve because no one has ever loved her enough to let her call it trauma.

Until Alex Danvers, that is.

Because she leaves Alex a card: she leaves Alex a card, and Alex will not give it to her parents. She gives Alex a card, and Alex will do nothing but love her back.

Or she hopes.

She’s probably stupid for hoping. But she hopes anyway.

James and J’onn help her with the set-up, and Winn whips together the dress at the last minute before running off on his own valentine’s excursion. James kisses her cheek before he leaves, as 8 o’clock approaches, and J’onn puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Alex cares for you, Maggie. Just as you are. Let her hold you up when you need it. You deserve that. You do. I promise.”

She gulps and she nods and J’onn squeezes her shoulder.

“He’s right, Maggie,” James tells her before giving the room one last glance. “It looks beautiful. And so do you.”

Maggie grimaces a smile at them, and they understand that she’s too nervous to speak, that she’s too terrified to move. They smile at her before they leave, and she hangs onto the hope that these people, these beautiful people, will still love her after tonight.

She doesn’t know how long she waits for Alex, because she can’t think. She can’t do anything but try to swallow her panic, surrounded by red helium balloons and candlelight and all the things that reminded her of the bruise her father left on her face and the welts he left on her heart.

She can’t do anything but try to focus on Alex, Alex, Alex. On hoping that Alex will be different.

This is a relationship, Alex had insisted. And it’s that statement, Alex fighting for her, for them, that is keeping Maggie holding on.

“Wow, you’re breathtaking,” she says when Alex walks in, because god, god, god, she is.

“Maggie, what is all this?”

Alex’s voice trembles slightly as she asks, and somehow, that warms the protective steel around Maggie’s heart. She smiles slightly, her voice softer now.

“It’s your belated Valentine’s Day prom.” She reaches for the corsage and sends James a silent thank you for running to the florist and picking up exactly what Maggie had described.

“May I?” she asks, and her body tingles with relief as her fingertips touch Alex’s wrist.

Alex exhales hard, exhales shakily, and steps around Maggie, and the back of the dress – god, thank you, Winn Schott – takes Maggie’s breath away. Again.

“I’m sorry. So sorry. I was too busy nursing my own wounds, and I forgot to look at the gorgeous woman in front of me and consider her feelings. You deserved all of this, as a girl. The pomp and the fuss. And you deserve an amazing romance with a woman who is absolutely crazy about you.”

She tilts her head and she stares up at Alex, because Alex is perfection, and Alex’s hands are warm in hers, and Alex makes the color red on Valentine’s Day a little less terrible, a little less traumatic.

But Alex is shaking her head and Alex is reaching her fingers up to run them through Maggie’s hair, to stroke her cheeks, to fuss with her blazer’s collar.

Maggie’s heart sinks and she starts panicking, she starts hyperventilating, but then Alex is talking, and Maggie wants to cry for an entirely different reason.

“Maggie, I… you deserve this. The pomp and the fuss. An amazing romance with a woman who is absolutely crazy about you. And I’m absolutely crazy about you. And that… that means… Maggie, that means you don’t have to make it all about me, all the time. I love that you… I love that you thought about me, I love that you did all this, but Maggie, you…”

She stops and she stares down at Maggie’s wet eyes for a long moment, and there’s nothing but unguarded love in her eyes, and no one has ever existed but the two of them.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t do anything wrong. Maggie, I… I heard you. I heard everything you said. And because I heard you, I… I don’t want you to just shove all that back down to make everything about me. Again. You did it while I was coming out, and I get it, and you’re so sweet, Maggie, but I don’t… I don’t want you putting yourself second for me, not anymore. I don’t want you burying your pain, your… trauma, Maggie, you were a child, that was traumatic, I… I want you, Maggie.”

She brings her fingers to a lips and kisses them, one by one, slowly, deliberately, all while keeping her eyes locked in Maggie’s, before she continues.

“All of you. And this is beautiful, this is amazing, but Maggie, I want you to feel able to just… to vent, and to scream, and to lose your cool, to cry. With me. Because I want you, Maggie, I care about you, not… not just what you can do for me. You letting me in, you letting me care for you, letting me comfort you? That’s the greatest gift you could ever give me, Maggie. You… you letting me love you.”

Alex stumbles to a halt and Maggie’s breath hitches as they both realize what Alex said, as they both lose themselves in each other’s eyes, in each other’s hands, in each other’s hearts.

“Danvers, you – Alex, I – “

Alex shakes her head with closed eyes. “You don’t have to say anything. I just… I want you to know that you’re cared for. That you’re safe. That you’re allowed to put yourself first, that I want you to put yourself first. That you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. That you’re perfect. That I l…”

She stares down at Maggie’s wide eyes and she licks her lips and she is Alex Danvers, dammit, so she dives.

“That I love you. Maggie Sawyer. All of you. And I just want you to let me love you, let me care for you, let me be here for you. Let me love you.”

Maggie takes one breath, and then another, and then one word escapes her lips.

The only word that matters in the entire multiverse.

Alex.”

And her hands are on the small of Alex’s bare back and Alex’s hands are tangling in her hair, cupping her face, her thumbs swiping across her cheeks, and Alex’s lips are soft and Alex’s lips are healing and Alex’s lips are heaven, and she’s never cried while she kissed anyone, she’s never cried in front of anyone without running out the door before the first tear could fall, but she’s crying now, and Alex is catching her tears with her thumbs and kissing them away with her lips, but Maggie doesn’t want Alex’s lips on her cheeks, her eyes – she does, she does, but later, later, because there will be a later, because Alex went to the dance with her, Alex didn’t give her note to her parents, Alex came to the dance with her and Alex is kissing her and Alex is holding her and Alex, Alex, Alex  – Maggie just wants, right now, Alex’s lips on her own, and she shifts, and Alex knows, because Alex knows her, and Maggie’s lips are parting and Alex is slipping her tongue in her mouth gently, gently, lovingly, and Maggie sighs into their kiss and Alex echoes it and their breathe, their heartbeats, their bodies, are indistinguishable as their bodies sway to music and to swaying lights and to the rhythm of their perfect kiss.

“I love you back, Alex Danvers,” Maggie’s whispering into her lips, and the tears dripping salt onto her lips are suddenly not only her own, and she pulls back, because Alex Danvers crying is heartbreaking, and Alex Danvers crying is beautiful.

Their chests are both heaving slightly and their lips are swollen and their bodies are flush against each other and their bodies are intertwined and their eyes refuse to leave each others.

“May I have this dance?” Alex asks her breathlessly, and Maggie smiles helplessly, because she knows her life will never be the same.

Because she knows that Alex means it when she says she loves her, and god, god, god does it feel good to be loved – and to love – like this.

Growth and Failure

The longer the story, the more failures there should be and the greater the change that should occur.

This is the case for anything you write, but the more episodic the series is, the more this holds true. TV series, ongoing web series, and web comics are the most obvious examples of this.

Basically what this means is that your characters can’t succeed at everything they try to do. One thing about shows like Supernatural (the early seasons) is that you as the viewer know that, for the most part, by the end of every episode, the Monster of the Week will have been defeated and everyone you care about will still be alive and healthy. There are overarching plots, but they are tangential to most episodes and don’t affect much.

In Stargate SG-1, on the other hand, they spend eight season facing one major enemy (the Goa’uld), and they spend many of the episodes fighting the Goa’uld in some form or another. And sometimes they fail and the Goa’uld win, and sometimes they win and that later helps the Goa’uld win, and sometimes they don’t fight the Goa’uld at all, and those missions may be either successful or not to a lesser degree. Beyond that, there are lower level failures: they try to make a spaceship and it almost kills some of them, they try to make a new spaceship, it doesn’t work as hoped at a pivotal moment and they almost lose the entire planet, they build a giant spaceship and it gets stolen (briefly), they build more giant spaceships and one gets shot down over a planet and then later they need to get that spaceship home and it (temporarily) gets stuck in a giant sentient gas cloud. All of this means that sometimes they don’t have a spaceship that can do what they need even though they’ve been trying to build one for most of the show, but at the end of the show, they end up with spaceships whose capabilities and weaknesses play a pivotal role in the show.*

My point in recounting all of that (other than to get you all to watch Stargate) is to show that, especially when you have a long series where you want to show a great deal of growth (and I’ll explain why you need that in a second), you can’t just have them win every time they try to grow or every time they try to defeat an enemy. You have to have them fail, too, or there will be no stakes and it will be hard to suspend disbelief.

So…why do you need growth?

Basically, if you end up in the same place that you started, what was the point of your story?

Well, you cry, they defeated the major enemy. Isn’t that enough?

And to that I ask (because I like holding imaginary teaching sessions): If they could defeat the major enemy (or if they could get the girl/boy/non-binary person, or if they could get into the school they wanted, or if they could do whatever else they want to do) with the capabilities they had in the beginning, why didn’t they? There is no need for a story if your characters have everything they need to succeed when the story starts.

And as for why you need failure? Here are three reasons.

One, failure is realistic. Things rarely work well on the first try, especially more than once, which means that the more things a character (or group, organization, etc.) is trying, the more they should fail. If you think about someone trying to learn a language, they basically never (without an eidetic memory) remember all words the first time they see/hear them, or use grammar perfectly on the first try, or pronounce every word correctly. They will get some, but they will rarely get all. The same should go for someone who is trying to learn how to fight, for example. Even if you get everything right the first time you are shown it (which may or may not happen), you’re not going to get it right every time. You might fail more at some things than at others, or fail at the same thing over and over. Sometimes it’s because you don’t understand how to do it, sometimes it’s because your brain and your body aren’t communicating well, and sometimes it’s because your muscles just aren’t strong enough or your body isn’t flexible enough for it to work. Those are all failures that can and do happen in real life.

Two, failure raises the stakes. If you know the main characters are going to succeed at everything they try, or that their failures aren’t going to have any consequences beyond that episode (or chapter, etc.), there are no stakes. There is no concern for whether the character will do well or whether they will be ready in time, because they always are. There is no risk, because there is no failure.

Three, failure is interesting. As we see in Stargate, entire episodes can be built around failures. Failures make for interesting storylines, and sometimes successes that turn into failures can turn into even more interesting storylines. You defeat the Big Bad only to have a Bigger Bad rise up because of it? That’s a great storyline, and shows what was ultimately a failure by the characters. You stop someone for personal reasons at the expense of stopping someone for strategic reasons? Great storyline, because it not only prolongs and changes the conflict, it also adds an opportunity for personal growth and/or conflict into the mix.

With that, failures can also cause really interesting interpersonal interactions. Let’s so all of the characters are counting on Bob to pull off one part of the plan, and despite trying his best, Bob fails. Now everyone blames Bob (or maybe some subset of them blame Bob, depending on their personalities) and it causes tension in the group. Maybe this tension ultimately leads to Bob leaving because he can’t take the blame anymore. Now you have a splintered group all from Bob’s one failure.

What types of growth and failure can you have?

(I’m glad you asked, me.)

Here are some examples (primarily for militaristic/adventure type stories, but there’s a mix)**:

  • Building an army (or a group of people)
    • Not be able to convince people to join
    • Have traitors in the midst
    • Have large numbers die/be killed
    • Have people defect
    • Have ideological/strategic differences with allies
  • Building a new form a transportation
    • Not have it ready in time
    • Have it not go far enough
    • Have it not go fast enough
    • Have it fail mid-journey
    • Have it explode mid-journey
  • Building a weapon
    • Not have it ready in time
    • Have it not work
    • Have it explode in testing
    • Have it fail during use
  • Learning to fight
    • Not be ready in time
    • Hurt self while training
    • Not have the strength
    • Not have the endurance
  • Learning magic
    • Lose control
    • Not have the magical capacity
    • Not understand the theory
    • Not perform key rituals
    • Perform key rituals wrong
    • Not have key materials
  • Learning a language
    • Forget vocabulary
    • Forget grammar
    • Not understand grammar
    • Be unable to pronounce words
    • Be unable to understand spoken words
    • Misunderstand nuances
  • Translating/decoding something
    • Misunderstand nuances
    • Mistranslate words
    • Know the wrong dialect
    • Have the wrong key
    • Looking for something
    • Follow misleading clues
    • Have someone else find it first
  • Taking territory
    • Not have sufficient forces
    • Not have sufficient ability to break walls
    • Lose too many forces
    • Be unable to hold territory
  • Getting a romantic partner
    • Cheat
    • Make bad decisions while intoxicated
    • Forget significant dates/events
    • Say inappropriate or mean things
    • Misunderstand what is being said
    • Miscommunicate
  • Getting a degree
    • Not having enough money
    • Not studying enough
    • Not getting good enough grades
    • Not having the time
    • Having other life issues that distract from it
  • Forming a government
    • Have ideological splits
    • Have political splits
    • Have factions form
    • Have coup attempts
    • Be unable to govern
    • Be unable to create a working organizational structure
    • Be unable to create adequate civil service (police, roads, etc.)

*Of course, Stargate has some of its own issues with this, like the fact that Daniel has been brought back to life more than once, so the viewers stop believing that Daniel is ever actually dead.

**When I use the term failure, I don’t mean that it is the fault of the character or organization (necessarily, though in some cases it might be). I just mean that it is not-success.

socktrollqueen  asked:

Today is a not a good day for me mentally. My hubbs keeps calling me from work to check up on me. I'm just in one of those moods where I want to vanish for a bit, but responsibilities demand my attention. So, I am having a cry before my child gets home from school. I have started therapy and we are discussing medications and I know that is a good step. But I'm terrified all the same.

It’s going to be okay.

YOU are going to be okay. This is a temporary thing with your brain being a dick, and you will get through this.

I’m so proud of you for starting therapy, and looking into meds to help your brain get the help it needs to stop being a dick to you.

If I may suggest something: I practice a version of cognitive behavioral therapy. The short and overly simplified version is: when I feel my brain throwing a sad or depressive or negative thought at me, I stop what I’m doing, and I make the effort to consciously remember something awesome that happened that made me happy. It doesn’t matter what it is, just as long as it’s a good memory. It doesn’t even have to be a big, complicated memory. It can be like that time I ran my first 5K, or the time I switched on my emulator and it worked! It can be a quiet walk I took with Anne (I have a lot of those to choose from) and specifically how nice it felt to hold her hand. 

We have tons of good memories, and sometimes we have to make the effort and work hard to find them, especially when it’s easier to feel bad about something.

Also, it’s OKAY to recognize that a thing made you sad, and then sort of visualize putting it on a shelf or in a bag or just kicking it out of your way for a moment while you pay attention to that good memory.

There’s science which tells us that the experience of recalling something happy produces the same neurochemicals as actually having that experience, so even though this can feel like woo woo mystical bullshit, it’s a real thing.

So your homework is to think of an awesome thing that happened, just a moment when you were really happy, and recall something specific from that moment. Your brain may try to be a dick and do this thing where it goes, “and that’ll never happen again.” or “and I didn’t deserve it.” When your brain does that, it can be a challenge to stay focused on the good memory, but you can do it!

You’re gonna get through today, I promise. Send me a note tomorrow and let me know how you’re feeling, okay?

Josh Dun Imagine

Prompt: Josh is in a car accident 

It was late Friday night when you got the phone call.  Josh had gone out with some friends to celebrate him being back in LA.  You were equally excited to be back home and have a bit of a break, but you chose to stay home and enjoy doing absolutely nothing for the first time in months. You and Josh had spent all of last week in Jamaica, holed up in a luxury hotel to have a nice vacation together, so you didn’t even bat an eye when Josh told you that he was meeting some of his friends. You simply kissed him and sent him on his way.

It had been two or three hours since Josh had left when your phone rang.  Laura’s name popped up, along with a picture of her, Josh and you from Ashley’s wedding.

“Hi Laura,” you answered.

“Y/N?” She asked, voice broken and sounding almost hysterical.

“Laura? What’s wrong?” you asked, trying to make out what she was sobbing through the phone.

“It’s Josh,” she cried, and your heart instantly dropped down to the pit of your stomach.

“Mom—,” you heard either Ashley or Abigail say before there was shuffling on the other line.

“Hello?” you asked, becoming frantic.

“Y/N,” Ashley’s voice came through the phone, you could tell she’d been crying too, but she was more put together than her mother.

“Ashley, what the hell’s going on?  You guys are scaring the shit out of me. What about Josh?” you asked.

“They won’t tell us much over the phone. He was in an accident, and they called mom. They said he’s in a bad state, but they won’t say much else until we get there. Dad’s driving us to the airport, but it’ll be a while before we get a flight. Mom told them your name so they’ll release information to you when you get there. They took him to The Southside Kindred Hospital, but you’ve got to get there so you can figure out what’s going on. We’re all a bit in hysterics,” she said, voice rough with tears.

“Oh my god—,” you said, running around the house trying to collect your shoes and a jacket, before grabbing your wallet and keys. “Is he okay, Ash?” you asked on your way out the door.  You hurried into your car before speeding down the street.

“We don’t even know,” Ashley sounded frustrated. “Just call us when you get there and they’ve told you what’s going on. Get there quickly, please.  But drive safe because Josh being in the hospital is enough.”

“Of course, Ashley. I’ll call you as soon as I know what’s going on. Love you guys,” you said, knuckles whitening as you clutched the steering wheel.

Your mind was in a thousand different places at once the entire drive to the hospital, but when  you got there, you parked quickly before practically sprinting inside the emergency room and over to the receptionist seated behind a desk.  

“Can I help you?” She asks.

You look around frantically, “My name’s Y/F/N,” you blurt out. “Josh Dun— was brought here.. or I mean I got a phone call from his mom and sister saying he’d been in a car accident and he was here or that he’d be here.”

“What’s your relation to him?” She asked, typing away on the computer.

“He’s my boyfriend,” you say.

“Right, okay.  He hasn’t arrived yet” she says, looking up at you from her screen.  The ambulance estimated arrival time to be 11:20, so it should be any minute now.  If you’d like to have a seat—“ she motions towards the waiting room, mostly emptied tonight.  

You paced around the room instead, looking out the window, just to give yourself something to do, until you heard the bustling sound of the emergency room doors being shoved open.  

“We need IV fluids stat—“

“I need to get this leg stabilized—“

“Not until we take care of that laceration!”

It’s almost like the whole thing happens in slow motion, because you’re able to pay attention to every single detail being flown through the doors.  There’s three EMT’s, all dressed in dark pants and a blue collar shirt.  Then there’s someone dressed in scrubs with a wind-breaker looking poncho on.  They’re all looking rather frazzled, muttering medical terms that you don’t quite understand.  And then there’s Josh.  You don’t get a perfect view of him, since everyone else is hovering over his body, but it’s enough.  He’s unconscious, his eyes closed peacefully, almost like he was sleeping.  Then you notice the blood gushing out of his temple, dripping into his eccentric yellow hair, almost making it look like the ruby color he had last summer again.  

You have to cover your mouth and bite down on the cloth of your sweatshirt to keep from screaming.  

They keep pushing him along in the stretcher.  Two nurses hold open some double doors and before you know it, he’s being pushed away, out of your sight again.  You run after them all, not wanting to be left in the dark.  Josh needed you.

“Ma’am, you can’t go in there!” A nurse says, holding you back.  You push against him, trying to slip by, but it’s no use.  You’re hysterical and much too weak, so you let yourself all but collapse into the arms of this man instead.

“Where are they taking him?!” you say, a blubbery mess.  

“Our doctors are gonna take good care of him—“ he assures you as he helps you walk back to the waiting room.  You fall into the seat, curling your knees up into your chest and wounding your arms around yourself, just trying to hold it together.

It takes thirty three minutes for a doctor to come into the waiting room to find you.  He’s got a scrub cap and gloves on, which he removes as he walks your way.

“Can I see him?” you blurt out, your eyes full of hope.

“You’re Y/N?”  he asks.  You nod back quickly.  “Not right now, Y/N. He was in a very bad accident. It’s my understanding that the police will be in here shortly to tell you of the details of that, but I’m here to tell you about his medical condition. He’s in ICU now; we’ve got him stabilized. He is in serious condition though; the next few hours are crucial. His right leg is shattered, his arm is broken, too and he has several cuts and bruises; one on the right side of his head.  It was cut by glass, he has twelve stitches right now.  That injury may or may not have caused some trauma which could then potentially lead to some temporary memory loss or amnesia. But what we’re very worried about, is the internal damage. His entire body was bruised, and there was some internal bleeding in his lungs, which is not a good sign. They’re going to prep him for surgery now, to drain the fluids.  After we open him up, we’ll know the extent of the damage,” he pauses, staring down at the scrub cap he has in his hands, before taking a deep breath, “I don’t know if you’re a religious woman, Ms. Y/L/N but if you are, I would start saying some prayers. He’s not out of the woods yet. I’m sorry that I can’t give you better news, but as I said, it was a very bad accident and it’s very serious. But I will personally keep you updated, especially after his surgery,” the man finishes, patting you on the shoulder before he walked out and softly closed the door.

You stare ahead, stunned by everything the doctor said.  It was so much worse than you thought. Josh’s life was still in danger, and the doctor was worried he might not make it. Tears spilled out of your eyes as you stood up and started walking around the room, your hands finding your hair so you could give it a little tug, hoping the pull would relieve some of the fear flooding through you.  You wiped your tears away and tried to clear your throat so that you didn’t sound like the complete wreck that you felt like as you began dialing Ashley’s number.

“Y/N?” She answered right away. “How is he? Have you seen him yet?”

“I saw him coming in—” you said, the tears began stinging your eyes again.  “But not since they took him back.”

“What did the doctor say?” she asked.

“It’s bad Ashley. His leg and arm are broken and he’s got a cut on the side of his head but he’s in ICU and they’re prepping him for surgery because it’s really bad, like internally I guess. There’s blood in his lungs and they said he was stabilized but they don’t know what’s going on inside of his body,” you said, giving up on holding the tears back. “The doctor said we might want to start praying and it’s just really bad and I can’t fucking breathe in this waiting room they put me in. I can’t see him Ashley. I can’t go see him and he’s not okay.”

“Y/N, fuck, please breathe,” she says. Her voice was thick with emotion but it didn’t sound like she was crying. “He’s at one of the best hospitals in the state. They’re going to do everything they can. I’m sorry you’re there alone but we’re catching a flight out soon and we’ll be there in a few hours.  I called Tyler and Jenna, they’re coming too.”

“Okay,” you say, forcing yourself to breathe properly. “Call me when you guys get in.”

“Good. Just stay there.  Josh needs you to be strong. We’ll be there soon,” She promised.

“Get here safe,” you say, “Love you guys.”

“We love you,” Ashley says before hanging up.  

You scroll through your phone, wondering if you should call anyone.  You desperately wanted someone to be here with you, but everyone you considered calling either already knew, or was all the way back in Ohio.  You locked your phone and stuffed it back in your pocket, rendering the whole thing pointless.  

It takes Josh’s family over five hours to get to you.  In that time, you’ve been visited by the doctor twice, telling you that Josh was still in surgery, but that he was stable and they were doing the best they could.  You’d also been to the bathroom twice to throw up, and bitten your nails down to the skin.  

Tyler and Jenna arrive first.  They run through the double doors, hand-in-hand, both with exhausted, but concerned looking faces.  

“Oh my god—“ Jenna says when she sees you.  They both rush over, engulfing you in a hug.  You cling to them, crying into one of their shoulders.  

“We got here first.  There was a flight leaving that had two empty seats.  We told Laura to go, but she refused to leave Ash, Jordan, or Abigail.  What the hell happened?” Tyler says.  

“Fuck if I know! He was in a car accident and they said the police would come in and tell me about that, which they haven’t. I swear to God if he drove while he was drunk I’m gonna-”

“Y/N,” Tyler cuts you off. “Calm down. Breathe.”

You stopped talking and focused on Jenna rubbing your back as you counted your breaths.

“This isn’t real..” you say, as you lean your head on Jenna’s shoulder. “Tell me he’s going to be okay, Ty.”

Tyler sighs, “Josh’s been a fighter since the day both of us have met him. He’s always fought for what he’s cared about.  Music.  The band.  You.  He’s not about to give up that easily. He’s gonna fight through this.”

You let out a broken sob as you used the sleeves of your shirt to wipe tears away. Then you all sat there in silence for a while after that.  

Only a couple of minutes passed when two policemen walked in, looking around the room sadly. “Which one of you is Y/F/N?” One of them asked, looking at you like he already knew.

“Me,” you croaked out, sitting upright on the seat.

“We’re just here to tell you about the accident,” The other said.

“Okay,” you nodded.

“A few witnesses all gave the same story. But uh Mr. Dun was driving when a car suddenly swerved across the center line and hit him head on. The airbags deployed and the cars were spinning until Mr. Dun’s car hit the barrier. The driver of the other car was intoxicated above legal limit, and died at the scene. Mr. Dun was stuck in his car, which was pressed against the barrier, so it took a while for paramedics to get him out. He was unconscious when they arrived, witnesses said he was unconscious when they ran over there.” The first policeman said. “We’ve just printed off the pictures of the cars and the damage. These copies are yours.”

You reached out and took the papers, waiting until the police left before he looked at them. “Oh my god,” you gasped as you almost fell back on to the couch. Tyler helped you sit down before they looked at the pictures. Josh’s car was completely demolished. It looked like a pile of black and gray scrap metal. And you weren’t particularly religious, but you said another silent prayer thanking whatever higher power that Josh even made it out alive, while simultaneously begging for him to make it through the night.

You looked at the clock again, and was about to make some comment under your breath about how long this surgery was taking before the door opened and the same doctor walked in again. You stood up immediately, walking to the doctor. “Well?”

He looked around at the new faces in the room before continuing, “The impact of the collision physically caused a broken rib to puncture a lung. We are in the process of emptying his lungs of any fluid that’s making it hard to breathe. He’s still stable, though, which is good. He can’t breathe on his own, so he’s got a breathing tube. Tonight is going to be a big one, and the next few days will decide a lot, but we’re hopeful. His body is going through a lot, trying to heal itself. It’s up to him now and he has to fight to get better.”

“So that’s all you can do?” You asked, not sure if you should be relieved or not.

“For now. We’ll keep doing what we can for him.”

Dr. Wells nodded. “We put him in a medically induced coma, the body heals best that way, and it lets him sleep through the worst of the pain. As of now, we plan to have him in the coma for a week, but we will keep you updated. You should be able to go in and visit him soon.”

“Okay,” you nodded, not sure of what else to do or ask.

“I’ll come get you when you can visit him,” he promised.

You thanked the doctor before going back and sitting down, pulling out your phone to call Ashley.  You were just ready to ring her again, when her name popped up on your phone, “Just getting ready to call you,” you answered.

“We’re heading over now,” she said. “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable,” you said.

“Okay,” Ashley said, “See you in a few.”

You nearly dropped your phone when Laura and Ashley walk through the doors.  You sprint over and wrap your arms around the both of them, letting them hold you tight.  The rest of Josh’s family filter in behind them, all with tear stained faces and tired eyes.

“What’s going on?” Laura said, wiping her eyes.

Just then, the doctor reemerges.  “Ah, family I presume?”

“I’m his mother,” Laura says, outstretching her arm.  “How is he?”

“We’ve set his broken bones and put casts on, and we’re monitoring him carefully. He’s been stabilized, but you can go see him now,” Dr. Wells said. “Not all of you at once though, please. Just three of you for now.”

Laura nodded. “Y/N and Ash, come with me for now.”

“Laura,” you say, shaking your head, looking at Josh’s dad.

“Go ahead, son,” he says. “I’ll be in to see him soon.”

You nodded, following the doctor, “I just want to warn you, he’s pretty beat up,” he says before he opened the door to Josh’s room, letting the three of you in before he left. You stood frozen at the foot of the bed. Josh looked more than beaten and bruised; he was hooked up to machines and he had an IV running into his arm. The right side of his head was shaved down to the skin where there was a nasty looking cut just above his ear that stretched around the side of his head.

You heard Ashley and Laura whispering quietly to Josh, but you couldn’t make out what they were saying. You felt like you weren’t really here, almost like you were just watching a tragic movie play out, but you were brought back to reality when you forced yourself to understand that this was Josh lying in the hospital bed, fighting for his life right now.

Laura walked over and kissed your forehead. “We’ll give you a minute, then send the others in,” she said.

You nodded as they walked out the door and immediately you went to sit in the chair at Josh’s side. “Hi, love,” you said, voice thick with emotion as you entwined your fingers with Josh’s. “Wow, I hate seeing you like this.” you thought about what you wanted to say, although you were pretty sure Josh couldn’t hear you anyway. “You’ve got me so worried, baby. Your mum and dad, Ashley and Abigail, Jordan, Tyler and Jenna.  They’re all here, everyone’s so worried about you, babe. We love you so much. I love you so much, Josh, you’ve got to get better, okay? I want you to fight harder than you ever have before,” you said, looking down to where your tears were falling on Josh’s bed. “You’ve got to get better and pull through, okay? For me. I need you.”

You sat there for another minute, letting yourself cry and hold Josh’s hand. Y

When you walked back to the room, you sent the others in before sitting, curled up on a seta, not looking at anyone else. You sat there for a while with your head on your knees, thinking about Josh and how much you loved him, and how completely fucked your life would be if Josh wasn’t in it anymore.

You only look up after feeling someone’s soft touch on your shoulder.  “Why don’t you head home, love?” It’s Laura. “You need rest.”

You immediately shake your head.  “I’m going to sleep shitty no matter where I am, I might as well be here.”

Laura nods before sighing.  “We rented a hotel nearby,” she says, looking reluctant to leave.  “We’ll be back in a few hours,” she says.

Once they’re gone and Tyler and Jenna emerge from Josh’s room, you head back in, taking the chair near his bed.  “I love you. I love you so much,” you sighed, letting the steady beeping of Josh’s heart monitor lull you to sleep.

When you wake up, it was to a sore neck, the fast beeping of the heart monitor and the door to Josh’s room being thrown open quickly. “You need to leave,” A nurse says as she practically pulled you from the chair and a flood of doctors ran in.

“No, what’s going on,” you asked, suddenly very alert as you saw electric shock paddles.

“You need to go,” The nurse says.

You heard the fast beeping of the heart monitor suddenly turn to a long, steady, beep. “No!” you scream.  “Josh, no!” You push past his nurse before another pulled on your arms. “Don’t you fucking leave!” you yelled. “Josh please, wake up!” The nurses dragged you out just as the doctor ripped Josh’s dressing gown open and placed the paddles on his chest.

You were hyperventilating as you felt strong, somewhat familiar arms around you instead of the nurses. “Y/N,” You heard Tyler say.

“Ty, no,” You cried. “He can’t.”

“No, no, no no no no, fuck no,” you sobbed, collapsing into Tyler’s arms further, “I can’t breathe. He has to be okay!”

All you could think about was Josh, and no, Josh couldn’t be gone.  You clutched yourself around the middle, trying to put some sort of pressure on your body to hold it together.  But it was too hard, so you let Tyler hold you instead while you sobbed into the fabric of his sweatshirt.

It wasn’t until a nurse walked in that you could breathe again.  

“We got him back,” she says, sighing a breath of relief.  

You gasped as you felt air fill your lungs for what felt like the first time in hours. “He’s okay?”

“He’s stable again,” she says.

“Can I see him?”

“You need rest—“ Tyler interjected.  

“I need to see him!” you argue.  “I need to call Laura—“

“What and wake her up too?  You all need rest.”

You finally gave in and rested your head in Jenna’s lap as Tyler threw a blanket over you. You listened to the quiet noise of the TV playing and fell asleep again to Jenna running her fingers through your hair.

The next time you wake up, it was more peaceful. Jenna was whispering to Tyler about something you couldn’t bring yourself to care about. You stretched and sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you looked around. Jordan and Ashley were sitting in one of the chairs on their phones. Abigail was sitting next to her dad on the couch and Laura was by the water cooler.  

The doctor walks through the double doors just then, causing you to become more alert.  “Josh’s been improving significantly since he flat lined this morning. He’ll still be in the induced coma for the next few days, but if he keeps improving at this rate, he should be awake after that. You’re more than welcome to still come visit him, as long as you listen to the nurses,” he said giving you a look. “I will keep you updated, but just know he’ll still be out for a few days.”

They all nodded and thanked the doctor.

The next few days passed faster than you would’ve thought. Josh was slowly but steadily healing, and the doctor finally tells them that he thinks Josh would make a full recovery. You nearly melted with relief. You couldn’t help the nagging in your head that said even if he physically recovered, he still might have head trauma and memory loss.

Josh was starting to look better, much to your relief. His smaller cuts were healing, and the color was starting to come back to his face.

One week after his accident, you, Laura and Jordan were in Josh’s room as the doctor took out the breathing tube, and you all let out a sigh of relief when Josh started breathing on his own.

“We’ve stopped the medicine that’s keeping him in a coma,” the nurse says. “It could take anywhere for a few hours to a few days for him to completely wake up though. This is all up to him now. When his body is ready to wake up, it will. I know this is a hard time to be patient, but I don’t want you to get discouraged if he doesn’t wake up today, okay?”

All three of them nodded.

“Alright, Josh,” Jordan says. “You’ve kept us here for the longest week of our lives. Time to wake up now, bro.”

Josh didn’t wake up the first day, like you’d hoped he would.

You tried not to worry when Josh didn’t wake up the second day either.

By the time it got to the forth day they’d taken Josh off the medicine, you began panicking. “You can’t do anything?” You asked the doctor for what had to have been the thousandth time.

“He’s still recovering and his body is exhausted,” he says, “Give him time.”

You started losing track of the days and time, seeing as you didn’t leave the hospital for two weeks. When you woke up one day, you blinked and looked around to see that the sun had set, but it was still fairly light outside. The room was quiet, except for Josh’s heart monitor. You looked to the clock to see that you’d only been asleep for a couple of hours, but it was still early evening. You rubbed your eyes before you felt the same thing that woke you up in the first place: a slight pressure on your hand that was laced with Josh’s.

“Josh?” you asked, jumping up and sitting on the edge of the bed running your free hand through Josh’s messy hair. “Love, can you hear me?” you tried not to get too excited, but you knew that you hadn’t imagined Josh squeezing it. “Babe, if you can hear me, can you please try to squeeze my hand again?”

You waited and felt the slightest pressure on your hand again. Your eyes filled with tears of relief. You reached up to press the red button to call a nurse in, before you turned your attention back to Josh. “Are you waking up, love?” you asked. Josh squeezed your hand again. “Josh,” you sighed, cupping the side of his face. “Can you find your voice, baby?”

Josh sighed and you saw movement underneath his eyelids, but he kept his them shut as he squeezed your hand again, but for longer. “That’s okay,” you said quietly, afraid of being too loud. The nurse walked in, eyes wide as she looked at Josh and you. “He’s waking up,” you smiled.

She grinned at him. “I’ll go get Dr. Cochran.”

“Do you know who I am, love?” you asked, the question burning in his head. “It’s me, it’s Y/N.”

Josh squeezed your hand again and he made a small noise in the back of his throat that you thought sounded almost offended. You loved that it sounded crazy for Josh not to know who you were.

“He’s waking up?” Dr. Cochran asked.

“Yeah,” you smiled.

“Wonderful. I need you to step back for a few minutes,” Dr. Cochran says.

You hesitate and Josh squeezes your hand tighter than he had yet, but you pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Not going anywhere far. I’m right here.”

“She hasn’t left your side yet, Josh,” Dr. Cochran says. “Don’t think I could get her to leave now.”

Dr. Cochran and the nurse continued asking Josh questions, progressing to see if Josh could feel his feet, arms, legs, chest, hips. Yes, yes, yes. He could feel it all. “We’re going to turn all of the lights off, except for the lamp in the corner, okay Josh? It’s not too bright in here, it wont hurt your eyes. I know your eyelids feel heavy now, and I know you’re exhausted, but can you please try to open your eyes?”

You watched, with his heart pounding heavily as Josh’s eyes fluttered, but his eyelids stayed closed.

“I need you to try a little harder for me, Josh,” Dr. Wells said.

Josh let out a quiet, yet disgruntled sigh as his eyes moved rapidly under his lids. Dr. Cochran looked at you, then looked pointedly at Josh, nodding his head once.

You nodded before going and sitting on the bed next to Josh.  You took his hand in yours again,  “Hey love, it’s me,” you said quietly. “Been waiting here for an awful long time to see you awake again. I miss you. I miss your eyes.  Can you open up for me? Just for a bit, then you can go back to sleep.”

Josh’s eyes fluttered again, then finally opened and you let out the biggest sigh of relief. Josh let out a soft grunt, then let his eyes close again, blinking them slowly before he opened them again.

“I’m right here, baby,” you said softly, waiting for Josh’s glazed eyes to focus on you.

“You’ve been on a breathing tube, which is why your throat is sore.  Don’t try to talk yet if it hurts too much. I’m very glad to see you awake, Josh. A lot of people will be glad. You can sleep now, we’ll do some more tests when you wake up again.”

Dr. Cochran and the nurse left, and Josh’s eyes started drooping immediately. “Your family are here, Josh, I’m sorry they’re not in here right now. They’ll be in here when you wake up again.”

Josh squeezed your hand tightly as his eyes closed and his breathing evened out.

“I’ll be here too, promise.”

The next time Josh woke up was the next morning; Laura was by his side while you sat on the windowsill. The doctor ran some more tests and Josh cleared his throat once before he decided he needed to sleep again.

Josh didn’t wake up again until the next night. You were sitting next to Josh when he stretched out his fingers and you looked up to see Josh looking at you with a small smile on his face. You took his hand immediately and smiled.

“Hi,” you smiled.

Josh cleared his throat and looked over to the small side table.

“Water?” you asked.

He nodded.

“Don’t talk if it hurts too much,” you warned.

Josh shook his head. “Throat feels a little better,” he says. His voice was rough and scratchy, so quiet that you had to strain yourself to listen carefully, but Josh was talking.

You sighed in relief. “Good. You still look out of it.”

“How?” Josh asked.

You smiled. “You just look exhausted.”

“I’m so tired,” he sighed.

You kissed his forehead, “Go back to sleep, baby. I love you so much. Gonna be right here when you wake up.”

“Love you,” Josh sighed before he fell asleep again.

It took three more days for Josh to be awake longer than fifteen minutes, and for his eyes to clear up. By that point, the anesthesia had completely worn off, and Josh was looking much better.

Everyone visited constantly throughout the day.  Tyler and Jenna were in and out and Josh’s entire family had been staying in the nearby hotel for weeks now.  When everyone all finally left at the end of the day, Josh made space on the bed for you to lay with him.

“You scared the shit out of me, you know?” you whispered.

“Will you tell me everything, now?” he asked.  No one had told Josh what had happened, more focused on getting him better, since he was mostly out of it anyway and he wouldn’t remember. But now he was alert, and you forced yourself to open up.

“Car accident. Drunk driver hit you head on and it was bad. The car is completely wrecked, sorry about that,” you sighed. “What was the last thing you remember?”

“I was at the club. We were having a good time, but I really didn’t feel like drinking. I stayed with everyone for a bit, then I wanted to get home to you,” he said. “Hey Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened to the other driver?”

You closed your eyes. “He didn’t make it.”

Josh tensed and squeezed your fingers tightly. “They died?”

“Yeah, baby. I’m sorry.,” you whispered.

“I almost died too?”

“You did for minute,” you said squeezing your eyes shut again, you let yourself inhale the smell of him before continuing. “I was right here, beside you, and you started flatlining.  They had to drag me out and do the whole paddle-thing.  I thought I was going to lose you.  It was the worst minute of my entire fucking life,” you whispered.

Josh squeezed your hand tightly, but you kept your eyes closed, ignoring the tears filling up as you thought about the seconds you thought you’d lost Josh.

“It was that bad?”

“They didn’t think you were gonna make it through the night. I’ve never been so scared in my life,”  you said.

“Babe,” Josh whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault. I’m just scared to leave you alone right now. Don’t wanna let you go,” you sighed.

“I don’t really want you to leave. But promise me something?” he asked.

“Anything.”

“After I fall asleep again, go home. Shower, eat some food, and try to sleep. I love you so much and I’m so grateful to you for being here but you haven’t left the hospital in what?  Three weeks? Ash and my mom will be back soon,  Ty’s here. I’ll be fine. You look like hell, love, and I’m a little worried,” Josh said.

You sighed. “I’ll shower and eat, but I’m not sleeping in the bed without you. I’m staying here until you can come home with me.”

Josh rolls his eyes but nods. “Fine. Thanks for being here. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” you sighed.

One of my least favorite things in the Prisoner of Azkaban film is the handling of the Scabbers-Crookshanks narrative, and more specifically how in the movies it’s a far more one-sided fight completely in favor of Hermione. In the movie we get one scene of Ron warning Hermione to keep her cat away from Scabbers—a Scabbers who is apparently not ill or who Ron isn’t bothering to medicate like in the books, and a Scabbers that Ron can apparently almost forget to bring to Hogwarts necessitating his mother to run after the train to give the rat to him.

Jump to Scabbers suddenly being missing, Ron accusing Crookshanks with no evidence and Hermione defending her cat. The two are angry, but there is no real emotion, no actual hurt behind the words. Crookshanks could have accidentally spilled Ron’s inkwell and he would sound just as angry.

Then not minutes later, they are in Hagrid’s Hut where their friend miraculously produces the rat—not without chiding Ron “you should take better care of your pets” which automatically frames the situation as Ron’s fault to the audience. To drive the point further home Hermione, rather than simply be relieved and happy for her friend that his pet was not actually eaten, immediately starts in with “I think you owe someone an apology”. Ron purposefully acts obtuse, and further removes himself from the audience’s sympathy by replying “Next time I see Crookshanks, I’ll let him know” allowing Hermione a self-righteous “I meant me!” as if this is the greatest affront of her life.

And none of this is how it is in the book. At all.

Firstly, Crookshanks makes multiple attempts on Scabbers’ life throughout the novel in front of the Trio. This is partly because Hermione continues to allow her cat near Scabbers despite Ron repeatedly telling her not to. Because he cares about Scabbers. Despite him being a hand-me-down and a bit dull, Scabbers is his pet and Ron cares about him. He gets him—likely expensive—tonic when Scabbers begins losing weight and fur, he takes to carrying him around to keep him safer from Crookshanks. Scabbers is his pet and we are shown that Ron would be very upset if he were to lose him.

This sets the stage for when he does, when Pettigrew as Scabbers fakes his death and frames Crookshanks. Keeping in mind Ron’s feelings about Scabbers this whole previous year, his resulting actions make perfect sense. He is incredibly upset with Hermione and confronts her, only for her to deny her cat had any involvement.

And yeah, maybe it seems like he’s being mean to Hermione by shutting her out—something that Harry also does during the Firebolt fight that is conveniently left out of the movie—but look at it from Ron’s point of view. Hermione’s pet was attempting to kill his pet all year. He repeatedly requested she keep her pet away from his, and Hermione largely did not respect that boundary. When confronted with pretty damning evidence considering the circumstances, Hermione still refused to admit any possible blame and defended her cat who almost certainly—again, considering the circumstances—ate his rat. And just a note, Harry is equally convinced Crookshanks did it, even if he’s not as emotionally charged in his conviction. Why shouldn’t Ron be angry with her? Why shouldn’t he want her to admit her cat’s fault? His friend refused to listen to him all year and is now seemingly disregarding his feelings because she’s too proud to admit she’s wrong.

But here’s the thing. Once Hermione comes to Harry and Ron with the news about Buckbeak losing his trial—something far more important—they make amends. In fact it is Ron who does the most. Just to refresh everyone’s memory:

“They can’t do this,” said Harry. “They can’t. Buckbeak isn’t dangerous.”

“Malfoy’s dad frightened the Committee into it,” said Hermione, wiping her eyes. “You know what he’s like. They’re a bunch of doddery old fools, and they were scared. There’ll be an appeal, though, there always is. Only I can’t see any hope…Nothing will have changed.”

“Yeah it will,” said Ron fiercely. “You won’t have to do all the work alone this time, Hermione. I’ll help.”

“Oh, Ron!”

Hermione flung her arms around Ron’s neck and broke down completely. Ron, looking quite terrified, patted her very awkwardly on the top of the head. Finally, Hermione drew away.

“Ron, I’m really, really sorry about Scabbers…,” she sobbed.

“Oh—well—he was old,” said Ron, looking thoroughly relieved that she had let go of him. “And he was a bit useless. You never know, Mum and Dad might get me an owl now.”

(Prizoner of Azkaban, pages 291-292, Scholastic Hardback Edition)

Harry barely says anything in this scene, and it is mostly Ron who extends the olive branch. This makes sense as the matter primarily concerns him and Hermione, but I just want to make it clear that Ron is not pressured into forgiving her, he is not grudging about it. In fact, he is already offering her his help before she even apologizes, and once she does he immediately tries to downplay his hurt feelings over Scabbers’ loss—mostly out of a fourteen year-old’s discomfort with crying and hugging from girls they may or may not have a developing crush on. He doesn’t gloat over the apology or being right, and he instantly drops any hostility.

This is chapter fifteen out of a twenty-two chapter book. Hermione and Ron are not feuding up until nearly the end of third year, as depicted in the movie. Hermione does in fact apologize about Scabbers while Ron is not an ass about it, and the narrative leaves them off on mostly even ground. The rest of the book consists of Ron working on the appeal for Hermione as she prepares for all her exams, worrying over her impossible schedule, her health, and so on. They barely even bicker that entire duration.

Ron is a great friend to Hermione. The movies just didn’t want to show that.

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

originally from frommemetoyou

  • [text] Are you lost?
  • [text] NO! That was a typo
  • [text] Did you buy it?
  • [text] I think I’m a mermaid
  • [text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 
  • [text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead
  • [text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.
  • [text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?
  • [text] It was an accident.
  • [text] lol fuk da police
  • [text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)
  • [text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU
  • [text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!
  • [text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.
  • [text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?
  • [text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?
  • [text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?
  • [text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
  • [text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 
  • [text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?
  • [text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(
  • [text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.
  • [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.
  • [text] Do you know where I am?
  • [text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!
  • [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.
  • [text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?
  • [text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?
  • [text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.
  • [text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension
  • [text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD
  • [text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home
  • [text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.
  • [text] My dick just got serenaded.
  • [text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.
  • [text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates
  • [text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle
  • [text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???
  • [text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!
  • [text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you
  • [text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why
  • [text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half
  • [text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!
  • [text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.
  • [text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.
  • [text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!
  • [text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox
  • [text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.
  • [text] I think I got married last night?
  • [text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.
  • [text] My mouth tastes like poor choices
  • [text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?
  • [text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying
  • [text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere
  • [text] You’re my hero
  • [text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you
  • [text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?
  • [text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?
  • [text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.
  • [text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.
  • [text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.
  • [text] She high fived me out of pity
  • [text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
  • [text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.
  • [text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…
  • [text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked
  • [text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room
  • [text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?
  • [text] It may or may not have been your sister…
  • [text] It may or may not have been your brother…
  • [text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all
  • [text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…
  • [text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
  • [text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?
  • [text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
  • [text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.
  • [text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.
  • [text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store
  • [text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox
  • [text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
  • [text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”
  • [text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.
  • [text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.
2

keith and allura + growing stronger by letting go of the past

since i have yet to find another post that goes into detail about just how much keith’s arc in ‘the blade of marmora’ and allura’s arc in ‘crystal venom’ parallel one another, i went ahead and did the thing myself !! i find it both curious and kinda enchanting how alike keith and allura are in so many respects. realizing these similarities while re-watching the show was far too riveting not to share my thoughts, so here they are ^^


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And All This Devotion (1/1)

Happy Valentine’s Day, @once-upon-a-captain-swan!

Hi, dollface! I’m your CSSV and had so much fun writing this for you. I’ve enjoyed our little chats over the last few weeks and I hope you enjoy the story. I tried to put as many little touches of you in it as I could. 

xoxo,

Megan

****

The knock came at 2:05. It was tentative, barely pulling Killian out of a dreamless sleep and for a moment, he thought he’d imagined it. Fuzzy-brained, he was a second away from chalking it up to a rattling pipe or noise from the street when another knock came, this one more insistent. 

Tossing the covers off and cursing as he kicked his feet free from the tangled sheet, he padded through the living room, throwing the deadbolt and dramatically pulling the door open, ready to give his untimely visitor hell while wearing nothing more than a pair of boxer briefs and a scowl.

The piss and vinegar was short-lived when his eyes fell onto the figure standing in the hallway. 

Her face was red and blotchy with strands of blonde hair sticking to tear tracks. A cheap diaper bag, stretched to the limits and overflowing, was slung over her shoulder, one of those infant car seats designed for carrying at her feet, the baby inside asleep. 

Chin lifting just enough to convey some measure of pride, her eyes wouldn’t rise enough meet his. When she spoke it was to the dog tags resting on his chest.

“We didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

Keep reading

Tips for young trans boys going on HRT [From two dudes already going through it]

Ok so since not everyone is actually fortunate enough to go through an actual Gender Service, I’m going to write some Will and Probably Won’t things that come with going on T. For ref, I’ve been on T a year and my bf has been on for two. Let’s start;

Won’t:

You’ll wake up one day and sound like Morgan Freeman. 

Will:

Going on T will deepen your voice. 

For some people it may happen quite suddenly, for others gradually. Most likely you’ll sound like you have a bad cold for a while and then it’ll even out and be different. If you like to sing, be aware of voice cracks and suddenly being unable to sing as high as you used to. Some guys get lucky and still retain singing prowess, but be aware there’s a high chance you won’t. 

Each person’s vocal change is different. My voice cracked literally after the first injection, whilst my bf had to wait a while for changes. Don’t be worried if it appears your voice isn’t changing and be aware it may not go incredibly deep. It will probably be more noticeable to others than you and eventually it’ll feel like your normal voice. Your pets will recognise your voice, they will always come to know you. 

Won’t:

Face shape will change drastically to become more masculine.

Will:

After a while on T, you may experience some change in face and body shape. 

A lot of trans boys I know seem to believe they’ll wake up one day and just have the perfect masc face. Everyone is different, I can’t stress this enough. You may experience a huge change in the face, you may experience almost nothing. My bf always had a very round ‘moon’ face and his cheeks have started to slim down but his facial shape is more or less the same. As for myself I’ve not noticed anything too considerable yet. 

The same goes for the broadening of the shoulders. If you’re very slender to begin with, you’re probably never going to be Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, but you might experience some changes. Again, don’t be disheartened, everyone is different. 

Won’t:

The fat in your breasts will break down from going on T and make you look a lot more flat, if your chest is small you may not even have to wear a binder.

Will:

If you have A cups, then maybe the breakdown that happens with T will mean you don’t have to bind. However, the breakdown from T alone is very small unless you’re on it for years. Also be aware that a lot of the fat in your body in general is going to start focusing on your stomach. It’ll become easier to gain muscle once on T, but if you don’t exercise, the weight you lose from other areas will go to your stomach. But also, muscle weighs more than fat, remember that. You may drop clothing sizes, which can be a pain if you’re already quite small and have trouble finding masc clothes to fit you, trust me I know. 

Also a note on binders: Do not use bandages or cheap binders. Do not. Binders can cause damage after prolonged use when you’re using a proper binder nevermind anything else. Bandages are made to contract and not let in moisture, they are not good for being tight around the chest! Cheap binders are also usually not breathable and will hurt more than they should! It could cost a lot, but forking out for a proper binder from places like lesloveboat is really going to be worth it. There is the sports bra method if you can’t get a binder because you’re not Out yet and couldn’t justify getting a binder to your parents etc but even then it’s not as safe as a proper binder.

Any binder shouldn’t be worn for longer than recommended, and will most likely rub especially when the T starts to make you sweat more. There’s also going to be an increase in acne on the chest around where the binder fits. If your chest ever really starts to hurt, find somewhere to take the binder off. I don’t care where you are, if you’re getting huge chest pains, take the damn thing off. If you damage yourself the chance of being able to get surgery reduces drastically, not to mention a whole lot of health problems you don’t want to deal with. It’s harsh, but it’s a lot better for you. Get a binder in the next size up and try again.

Won’t:

My periods will stop immediately and I’ll never have them again.

Will:

Eventually your periods will stop, though you may spot occasionally whilst you still have the necessary organs.

Though everyone is different, don’t be disheartened if you still have a period or two after starting T, you’ll stop eventually. You could also go a while without a period and then spot before stopping again. If the spotting continues for a while, or if you start to experience severe cramping, go and see a doctor

Won’t:

I’m going to get angry and aggressive a lot when on T!

Will:

Your emotions will be doing a whole lot of different things. Your may get angry, and you may also find your sex drive increases. You might also get upset more often or at things that never upset you before, or aren’t necessarily sad. I cried listening to that Chick Chick song, it’s ridiculous. It won’t last forever, be patient with yourself, there’s nothing wrong with you it’s basically just puberty (again).

Last things - 

Hair growth all depends on the person, the face being the last place that will probably grow hair and even then you’ll probably only have a tiny fluff for a long time, unless you’re lucky. My bf is experiencing hair in places now that I started growing extremely quickly right away. It could be to do with my having dark hair and him being a redhead tbh. But you will grow hair, all over. All over. Be prepared for that. You will get hair in places you never had much if any hair before. I have hair on my chest now. Not a whole lot but it’s there. The stomach is another hotspot for hair growth on T.

You will get acne, you will start to stink, sweat more and you may get growing pains. Look up Male Puberty, seriously, it’ll give you a good idea of some of the stuff that will start happening to you. Until your hormones calm down, your acne will not ultimately improve even with skincare. If you’re under 21, you might grow a little and the pains will be considerable. I gained like maybe an inch so I’m still short af but that’s something.

Your clit will start to get bigger. I know talking about the female genitalia we have is a big dysphoria bomb for a lot of us, but you need to read this. Your clit will get bigger, maybe considerably, maybe so much that the lips won’t hide it any more (if they ever did). It will rub against your underwear and/or your packer. For me it’s just mildly irritating, though for my bf it actually hurts (stings) him. It will be really sensitive either way. Be aware of that. 

Some people you don’t see every day or aren’t very close to may not recognise you when considerable changes occur. Use this to your advantage! Reintroduce yourself! 

If you self-inject, be prepared to mess up. There will be pain, swelling and bruising. If you have a nurse to inject you (like we do) there’s a change that they too might occasionally catch a nerve and you may bruise. Do not inject directly into a vein.

It’s perfectly fine to cry because of growing pains, pain from rubbing etc. You can be a man and still cry and complain but at least be aware of what to expect. 

Most changes will be so gradual that you’ll never look in the mirror and see a stranger, it’ll be like this was always the way you were.

If you do however, start to become really distressed by the changes or start to see nothing but a stranger in the mirror, please reconsider whether HRT is the right thing for you. The last thing you want is to be stuck with changes that are actually distressing you. It’s ok if you thought you wanted/needed this but then realised you didn’t/don’t. 

Last (gosh this was long). Every guy is different. Some changes come fast, some don’t. Some may be huge changes and some only small. Don’t compare yourself to other trans guys especially your own friends/loved ones. Every guy is different, be proud of your changes as they come and don’t let anyone bring you down just because those changes aren’t ~*significant*~  to them.

exo in the exam hall

xiumin:

• had three cups of coffee for breakfast

• woke up on the day of his exam with a cold. he sniffles a lot so one of the supervisors put a tissue box on his desk.

• he was unlucky and got the squeaky desk. every time he writes or uses the eraser the desk squeaks

• already coughed loudly 3 times. embarrassed to do it again but his chest really needs this cough to clear the phlegm for him to breathe properly 

• he attempts all the questions

• finishes 15 minutes before the exam ends

suho:

• very prepared. has spare pens, pencils, eraser, pencil sharpener, ruler, calculator, a clear water bottle and puts his watch in the corner of his desk to track time

• you can see him smiling when he reads the questions during reading time

• has many brain farts during the exam, the answer does come to him eventually

• asks for additional writing paper for the extended response questions (does he have a lot to write or does he have big handwriting?)

may or may not have a quiet cry halfway through the exam

• finishes 10 minutes before the exam ends

yixing:

• sat in the wrong assigned desk (”why am I being tested on microbiology?”)

• forgot to write his name and student number before starting

• has random songs stuck in his head

• gazes up at the clock and around the hall a lot

• “why are the others using a ruler?????” “why are they using a calculator???”

• started the last question but time ran out

chanyeol:

• arrives at the exam hall 5 minutes late

• his pen stopped working on question 3 and he forgot to bring a spare (luckily another student saw him struggling and passed him a new pen)

• turns over his exam pages loudly

• he’s nervous which means…tapping his feet

• puts his hand up and gets up to go to the toilet multiple times during the exam

• finishes writing his last sentence for the last question when time ran out

baekhyun:

• had 2 energy drinks before arriving

• he looks confident (borderline smug)

• once he opens the paper his face drops and you can hear small gasps

• makes stupid faces to a friend of his who is sitting in a few rows in front (he gets his first warning). continues to make faces and mouth stupid words to his friend (second warning). he stopped after that

• clicks his pen repetitively as he thinks

• finishes his last question just as time runs out

chen:

• woke up early to cram in some extra revision before heading to the exam hall

• seems pretty chill (or did he already give up on the inside?)

• he turns his pages quicker than the majority of the other students

• mutters to himself quietly

• checks over his answers 3 times before putting his hand up

• leaves an hour early?! (did he give up? wing it? or a genius? who knows)

kyungsoo:

• nervous (he studied well but he’s still uneasy)

• you can hear him sigh a small breath of relief once he opens the exam paper

• he gets even more nervous when he hears one of the supervisors walk towards him and stops next to him…and then continues to walk off

• becomes annoyed with all the tapping, sniffling and clicking in the room

• holds his tummy after it makes a whale noise. doesn’t help. his face turns red as his stomach continues to growl (too nervous to eat properly that morning)

• finishes the exam on time

kai:

• stayed up late last night revising so now he’s tired

• as he reads each question, he remembers studying it but he has difficulty remembering the answer fully

• he looks up at the clock a lot and after each time he writes faster

• kicks his desk lightly as he thinks 

• finished 5 minutes before the exam ended

• closed his eyes and rests his head on his arms as he waits for time to be up. falls asleep

sehun:

• lost some writing time since he arrived late

• his phone was confiscated because he forgot to turn it off/put it on silent

• he winged 50% of his answers while he genuinely knew the other 50%

• brought in a crunchy plastic drink bottle. makes a loud crinkling sound every time he picks it up to drink

• when one of the supervisors say “5 minutes left” you hear him go into a writing frenzy 

• at the end of the exam you can see him sunk into his chair with a dead defeated look on his face

0n-y0ur-left  asked:

The "Don't tell anyone you saw me crying" AU sounds super promising!

The best part of Steve’s day is, generally when he gets to go eat lunch in the abandoned teacher’s office on the third floor. It’s quiet up there, and it’s not so dusty now that one of the custodians noticed him hanging out there and comes around to clean it up every so often. So, all in all, not a bad place to quietly eat his lunch, do some homework, and maybe get a bit of drawing done, if he’s up to it.

Except today, apparently.

After the bell rings and fifth period starts, Steve makes his way up to the abandoned teacher’s lounge. He’s got a cheese sandwich, apple slices and a can of Diet Sprite that he’s excited to eat, and a drawing of one of his classmates — a guy who probably doesn’t even know Steve exists, let alone would want Steve drawing him, but that’s the one good thing about being invisible — that he’s excited to finish up. But when he gets to his abandoned teacher’s office, he hears someone…

Well, he hears someone crying.

Still, it’s his abandoned teacher’s office — he doesn’t have much else to take ownership of at this school, so he’ll take what he can get — so he enters anyway.

“What the hell?” Bucky Barnes says, furiously wiping off his face with the sleeve of his henley.

“Oh, uh,” Steve says, clutching the sketchbook that has an in-progress drawing of Bucky Freaking Barnes in it tight.

“Come to laugh at me?” Bucky asks with a rueful chuckle.

“What? No,” Steve says, maybe a little fiercer than he should.

“Then what?” Bucky asks.

“I eat lunch here every day,” Steve says, straightening up. He may only be five foot four and weigh the same as a wet dachshund, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t be intimidating!

He does wish that his beanie would quit sliding down his head and hiding his eyebrows. Having visible eyebrows would probably help the intimidating factor.

“You eat… here?” Bucky asks, looking around the dim room like he’s really seeing it for the first time. He grimaces.

Steve pushes his beanie back. “You’re here crying!” Steve argues.

“Yeah, but I’ve only been here a couple times. You’re here every day.”

Steve scoffs. “Are you trying to contest who of the two of us is less pathetic, because that’s probably a pretty easy fight.”

“What do you mean by that?” Bucky asks, voice getting louder.

“You have everything — friends, football, popularity. I just want to eat my cheese sandwich and listen to my iPod during lunchtime without having to confront crying jocks.”

Bucky stares at him for a moment, then his face screws up. “I’m s-s-sorry,” he says, starting to cry again.

“Oh jeez,” Steve says, shutting the door behind him and taking a few steps across the room, closer to the desk Bucky is sitting at. “Don’t… Cry, okay? I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“You didn’t… it’s not your fault,” Bucky says, burying his face in his hands.

Steve drops his backpack and kneels down, digging through it. After about forty seconds, he emerges victorious with a half-used pack of tissues. “Here,” he says, handing them out to Bucky.

Bucky looks up at him with wide, bloodshot eyes. “Really?” he asks. Steve nods. Bucky reaches out and takes the tissues from him. “Thanks,” he says, pulling one free from the package and loudly blowing his nose.

“No problem,” Steve says, trying not to be grossed out, though he can’t help but cringe a little when Bucky looks back up with a line of snot dripping out of his nose. “You oughta…” he says, gesturing to his nose.

“Shit,” Bucky says, wiping his nose again.

“Then again, if you’re sporting snot, I’m sure the rest of the school will follow,” Steve says, hoping he doesn’t sound as bitter as he feels.

Bucky shakes his head. “You don’t get it,” he says. “I’m not… It’s not like that.”

“That’s not what it looks from the outside,” Steve says, quiet.

Bucky gives him a little half-smile. “I’m just gonna tell you this because I feel like this abandoned teacher’s lounge is a safe, trustworthy space, okay? And because I feel like you won’t blab to a bunch of people, but everyone fuckin’ hates me.”

“Really?” Steve asks, deadpan.

Bucky nods. “It’s… Well, they may not think they hate me, but they do.”

“Please don’t tell me it’s because you’re too beautiful. If you do, I may scream,” Steve says and is rewarded when Bucky laughs.

“You’re spitfire,” he says. “Anyhow, I’m gay, and they’d fuckin’ hate me if they knew.”

There’s a long pause.

“You’re gay?” Steve asks.

Bucky nods, mouth flattening. “It feels real weird to say it out loud,” he admits.

Steve’s mouth drops. “I’m the first person you’ve told?” he asks, surprised.

Bucky shrugs. “I don’t got anyone to tell. My old man’s a homophobic asswipe who’d kick my ass if he knew, and it’s not like I’m gonna tell the guys on the football team that I like guys. They’d take turns kickin’ my ass and leave me a bloody lump on the field.”

Swallowing hard, Steve takes a seat close to Bucky’s. “That’s… a lot,” he says.

“I know,” Bucky says. “Which is why I feel justified to stay in this abandoned teacher’s lounge and cry for a bit, if you don’t mind.”

There’s a long pause.

“Can I eat my sandwich while you do so?”

Bucky snorts. “Sure,” he says. “Let’s live it up. Cheese sandwiches and tears, quite the couple.”

Steve shrugs. “I’ve seen worse,” he says, pulling his sandwich from his backpack and splitting it in half. “Want some?” he asks, holding it out to Bucky.

“Sure,” Bucky says, grabbing the sandwich and taking a huge bite.

— —

“Hey,” Bucky says as the bell for sixth period rings.

“Yeah?” Steve says, packing his stuff up.

“Wanna do this again tomorrow? Maybe without the crying?”

Steve smiles. “Sure,” he says.

— —

In a week, Bucky is letting Steve draw him.

In a month, Steve is letting Bucky kiss him.

In a year, they walk around their college campus hand-in-hand.

Tech Support - Stuart Twombly

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Characters: Stuart Twombly/Reader

Word Count: 4619

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Skype Sex, Masturbation, Oral (Female Receiving)

Notes: Shhh. I told @rememberstilinski and @ninja-stiles I would write them some Stuart stuff. Because Stuart is a babe and I couldn’t stop starting at him while I wrote other things. I guess Stuart is slowly beating out Stiles as my favorite since I write more for Stuart than anyone else? 

Keep reading

DATING CAMILA MENDES WOULD INCLUDE

since nobody is writing about how camila is sooooooooo girlfriend material (and im so in love with her), here it is:


•  it all started with you two being good friends, and as friends, you kept getting closer and closer

when she found out that you were into girls she smiled so big for herself 

• bc you were this cute girl that since she looked at you she wanted to get to know better 

• at first you texted a lot, and everytime she saw something funny she sended it to you

• bc she knew it would make you laugh and that would make her really happy

• then you started hanging out everytime that she wasnt filming for riverdale, like in between takes you’d go to where she was and take her to grab lunch or something

• you tried getting spoilers from her but even tho she really trusted you already she couldnt tell anything

• but she loved how you got so frustrated bc you. needed. to. know.

• so she teased you a lil bit, saying things like ”this may or may not happen”

HOW SHE ASKED YOU TO BE HER GIRLFRIEND before that everybody thought you were a couple anyway

• you were sick, like really sick, so she being the caring “friend” that she is showed up at your place w some soup, and why not flowers (something that she learnt from playing veronica) 

• even tho you melted when you saw her with all of that, you didnt want her around  because you were afraid shell get sick too

• but she didnt care, she sat right next to you on the couch and put some movie on netflix

• you were falling asleep with your head on her shoulder and she was looking at you, playing with your fingers

• she probably wanted to ask you to be his girlfriend “properly” like, with a long speech  and give you maybe some chocolate or candy

• but while looking at you the words spilled from her mouth

• “hey do you wanna me like, my girlfriend?”

• “what”

• “what”

• both of you started laughing and oFC YOU SAID YES I MEAN

• so thats how you started dating

• thats when all the fun began hehehe jk

• her phone and yours would be filled with silly photos of you two

• you know that video of her cooking and laughing about it in her ig story? you’d have tons of them doing mostly everything

• like one day, she took your phone while you were showering bc she was bored and her phone didnt have any battery, and going through your camera roll she found this video you took from her while she was watching her favorite movie because you loved how her eyes lighted up whenever her favorite scene was on the screen and how loud she screamed when something “surprising” happened even tho she watched it thousands of times

• she would do the same, because you’d have that kind of relationship

• she comments on every single one of your pics, really short comments like “i love you” “im in love” “mOM” “gorgeous” “mine”

• her mom loves you, and likes to cook for you bc she seems so nice and lovely

• when she is mad over something really silly, she starts speaking portuguese and you just stare at her while she’s screaming walking around the room until she let it all out

• “i was doing it again?” “yup” “im sorry”

• but theres times where you two are cuddling facing eachother and she is putting your hair behind your ear while smiling and shed say “eu tenho tanta sorte“ or “você é tão bonita”

• you wouldnt get anything of what she said (and she probably wouldnt tell you) but youd smile so big because you knew it was something nice and when she speaks in another language is the cutest thing ever

• PDA !!!!! lots of pda

• but not the annoying type like sucking eachother faces in public, but holding hands, long hugs, cheek kisses, forehead kisses !!!

• at least twice a week you go out to eat or have a cute coffee date, talking bout life sitting infront of eachother, holding hands over the table

• she never fails to make you laugh, she’s always doing goofy things or trying to imitate someone (and failing)  just to put a smile on your face

• its 2:34 AM, the lights are gone, the only source of light is coming from your computer screen and you two are dancing in the living room to some random spotify playlist

• you can go from steamy hot makeout session on the couch to sloppy slow kisses filled with love

• she sings to you whenever you ask her 

• she is probably singing 24/7 GOD BLESS HER ANGELIC VOICE

• but if you’re having a rough time or you’re feeling sad, she sings to you in a low tone kinda whispering, while smiling sweetly 

• i dont think she is the jealous type  ? but if anyone is looking at you in a way that they shouldn’t she’d wrap an arm around your waist, not like in a “she’s mine back off” type of way, but in a sweet “i love her dont steal her from me” type of way im crying 

• SHE. IS. A. TEASER. LIL. ****

• you tried cooking together, but you endend up getting too “distracted” and burning the whole thing

• “lets order pizza” “but i dont want pizza” “what do you want?” “you”

• she appreciates you and loves you so much bc if she is dating you she is 100% focused on you so she wouldnt be the annoying cheesy type, but definitely cheesy

• when she is away filming or busy with her work she sends you selfies doing funny faces, or videos at set with the cast, or a pouty selfie with a “cant wait to get home :(” that makes you melt inside who wouldnt

• PET NAMES !!! she probably calls you “love/babe/gorgeous”

• and she is your little nugget, of course

• play nights at your place with her friends (and yours) happen a little too often, because is everything you love and need: wine, charades, friends, and eachother

PLAYING CHARADES AND SHE BEING THE ONE TO GUESS WILL BE KINDA LIKE THIS: “oh oh oh i know that one!” “pETER PAN!” “no??? mmmm aLICE IN WONDERLAND!” “what, no?” “WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN BABE?!?!?” “no wAY IT WAS F HAPPY FEET”

but it doesnt matter is you win or lose the game at the end of the night, bc she’d wrap her arms around you and say “i win, i have you”

i love her so so so so much okay?????? it ends right here before i start crying she is the most precius lil bean bye

tw: @softnessmalik
Random Aus

I live by the ocean and paint the sceneryAKA Mod Karissa can’t sleep anxiety needs to fucking TAKE A NAP and decided to write down some for you guys. Also, sorry about such slow updates! I thought life would slow down once school ended but I guess not TT^TT I’m planning on opening the ask box again within the next few days for a day or two, so keep your eyes open!

  • It’s five AM and I haven’t slept yet but I’m very quick to tell you to get to sleep when you send me a funny meme bc GO TO BED ITS FIVE IN THE MORNING JESUS
  • we’re both freaking out because we share a celebrity crush and they just shared a new video of them (working out, singing, being a dork, etc.) and we both start jokingly comparing each other to said celebrity crush oR IS IT JOKINGLY
  • I’m just a poor tired kid half running an AU blog online and you start messaging to talk about what you did with an AU and things start going from there
  • we decide to start doing youtube gag skits and while other people don’t find them funny, we laugh until we cry when we look at the final product
  • I stay up until seven in the morning with you watching vine compilations and then we both start doing those weird early morning talks and I may or may not have mentioned I like someone and you wont stop pestering me shit
  • soulmate au - you feel the other’s emotions, but only the extremes. Intense joy, and you can’t stop smiling for the day. Devastating sadness and you feel your heart and chest heavy while you fight back tears. Anticipation and nervousness makes you ansty.
  • I thought I was in the private chat when I was talking to a mutual friend about how I like you again and it turns out I was in the grOUP CHAT KILL ME NOW HOW DO I UNDO YOU JACKASS STOP LAUGHING AT ME I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING A PRIVATE CONVERSATION
  • I’m a fallen angel but when you fall you get amnesia, doomed to not remember anything but be stuck amongst the mortals. I have an intense fear of falling and certain people make me uneasy but I don’t know why
    • I’m a demon and I can smell the stench of Heaven on you, you must be a newly fallen angel, here come with me
    • I knew you as an angel and I keep watching over you in secret
  • I live by the ocean and paint the scenery outside my window to sell online and you are one of those photographers who are determined to take pictures of things where the scenery matches up with the picture/painting where do you have this money to travel like wtf
  • I stayed up all night and you’re the godsent angel who brings me my tea/energy drink/coffee I think I’m in love with you
  • I can’t sleep bc of anxiety and decide to message you on a whim to distract myself until it calms down enough to sleep hopefully
    • you fall asleep halfway through a phonecall
      • I hang up and the dialtone scares you awake

And here I’ll stop it for this one! So many of these are domestic ^^’ gah, coming up with creative aus are hard lol

~Mod Karissa

Marichat May Day 18: Rejection

Not what you expected, probably.


In the years when he visited Marinette, he found her in multiple states. From excitement to sleep deprivation to anger. At this point, he was sure he saw it all. But as it seemed he was wrong. He had never seen Marinette s broken as now. She was curled in a ball in her bed, her eyes red and puffy from crying. He just scooted closer to her and hugged her. Marinette wrapped her hands around him and hid her face in his shoulder. He didn’t know how much it would help, but he could give it a try. Chat started purring, reassuringly, while he held her close.

“Do I have to cataclysm someone?” he asked after a while, his fingers running soothingly through Marinette’s hair.

She snorted. “Too many people.”

“What happened? If you want to tell me, of course.”

Marinette looked up at Chat, but didn’t move out of his arms. “I got the answer from IFA. I got rejected. And it just… took a toll on me.”

“Marinette… ” she bit her lips obviously trying to keep from crying again as Chat took her face in his hands. “Maye IFA just wasn’t for you. Actually, screw that, it sure wasn’t if they refused your portfolio. There is Istituto Marangoni and there is ESMOND which is miles better.”

“But what if they won’t accept me either.” Marinette looked down. “What if I’m not actually good at all and my pace isn’t in the fashion world?”

Chat lifted her chin gently. “Marinette, don’t you have an online shop?”

“A very little one.”

“Just answer me, please.”

“Yes.”

“Do you still get a couple of orders, even in the dryest weeks?”

“Well, yes.”

“So people like our clothes and buy them. Remember what you told me when you started the whole online store deal?”

Marinette smiled a little. She had been so, so happy back when she started the online store. “That I want to make clothes and see people like them and enjoy wearing them”.

“Exactly. And you don’t need any damn fashion school for that. So head up Princess, your crown is falling.”

Marinette pulled him into another tight hug. “Thank you, Chat. You are the best.”

“Anytime, Marinette.”