i may be a tumblr grandma

Ugh. Reading a whole lot of ‘queer history’ posts on Tumblr that are exclusively North American. Elsewhere in the world, we have a different history, a different lexicon and different experiences. I have a different experience of coming out 21 years ago than someone in the USA would. Our politics were slightly different here, and still are.

For example ‘queer’ is just a mainstream word here in Australia. Perhaps some very old people (I’m thinking my late grandma) may have used it to mean ‘strange’, but I only ever heard the word referring to people who weren’t of mainstream sexes, sexualities or genders. The first time I heard that it was a slur was when a teenager demanded that I stop using ‘a slur’ to identify myself on my own Tumblr.  

I know Tumblr has a lot of US folks on it, but I think it’s important to remember that the USA is just one country, there are nearly 200 others. Your history is not everyone’s history. Your experience is not everyone’s experience. I will be respectful of your experiences where appropriate, but you also need to be respectful of mine. And that includes not trying to make me ashamed of the word that I use as my identity for any reason. 

When my mom was little, she drew on the walls. Sometime between yelling at her and cleaning it up, my grandmother transferred the drawing onto tracing paper. She kept it in a file for nearly twenty years, then adapted my mom’s wall sketch into needlepoint. It’s nuts, right? The saturated colors, the textures, the bizarre figures rendered so lovingly - it’s the kind of stuff I look to make. Side note: my mom is one of NINE kids but in making the image she wanted to live in, she goes, “BYE Y’ALL, IT’S JUST ME AND MOM AND DAD NOW, HAHAHAHA.”

Smash cut to me, 2012, having a nervous breakdown. My mom drove 215 miles to care for me while I struggled to finish up the semester. While I studied Spanish, I asked her to draw me something. It was this sweet little sketch, and I kept it ever since.

I’m a sucker for parallels in fiction, so I thought I might as well make my own.

Reaching back, five years later, and remaking my mom’s beautiful, beautiful, beautiful sketch that helped keep me alive until now. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Grandma. Thank you to everybody who’s ever been kind to me. May your doodles be reborn in yarn and floss.

I finally finished this! (It took a lot longer than I’d expected.) 

Tamil traditional wear is always so beautiful and I’ve always wanted to draw it, and I happened to have a Tamil oc, so she gets to model it! (I only get to wear half-sarees and not full-blown ones because my mom says I’m “too young”.) 

This is just one picture from a whole series of drawings of this oc (I love her too much, and I need her doing things other than just standing like a statue.) I may tweak some details on this picture once the whole set is finished though. 

meanwhile, I wake up
in the dress I wore to my grandma’s funeral 
4 years ago and it still fits perfectly,
the black clinging in a way 
that it shouldn’t with how I have grown
yet simultaneously figured out the secret
to carving pieces of myself away,
the only way to make room for the grief 


my hands shake in ways that they never knew,
the condensation of the coffee cup baffling
as though it has been sitting on the counter
waiting for the brewer to return for too long 
and it slips out of my hands when I try 
to take a sip, I too, shatter
into a mess to be cleaned up by someone else,
the smell of burnt eggs hits my face 
and no one has been cooking


this morning is not a morning, not a beginning.
the sun does not creep up over the horizon,
in fact, there is nothing visible 
across the line of the yard except for 
the hummingbird feeder full of red-
if I were better I would know it was not blood
that drips into the divots, but I am not better- 
Grandma comes up behind me 
like the blur of wings moving too fast 
to tell me that it is time for bed 


today, there is an anniversary, a nightmare,
and memories that may not be mine.
meanwhile, I am still mourning.

—  breakfasts with Olive || O.L.

A robit!!! I may use him again in the future, he’s a gardening robot.

He was a gift for a family’s grandma so she wouldn’t garden alone. One day she passed and he was left all on his own, forgotten by the family. He now travels trying to learn about people and helping tend to gardens along the way.

He’s friendly and overly curious, doesn’t speak at all. His emotions can be shown through the screen that is his face.

Guys, I hate to say this, but I need help.

I absolutely hate to be doing this, but I’m really out of options. So, here’s the deal. You may have noticed I’ve been gone from tumblr for a while and here’s why: My computer broke down, I’m unemployed and tumblr doesn’t run on my phone. Now I’m still unemployed, but a friend is letting me use his computer to try and get help because things went from bad to worse. While I’m desperately looking for a job, my health plan is saying I haven’t payed the last five months (which I have).

Every month I receive R$500 (BRL) from my mother so I can eat and pay my health plan and internet (housing is on my grandma, whom I live with) and that’s not a lot (about $160 (USD)). My health plan costs R$200 (BRL) per month so now I have R$1000 (BRL) in debt and I have to pay the following months (including this one). Now you do the math and there’s no way. I’m looking desperately for a job, but my country (Brazil) is at it’s worse moment for it. People with PhDs are working in convenience stores because they can’t find better jobs, just so you know.

How can you help? 

Well, you can donate anything at all (here), every cent counts. And since Dollars and Euros and Pounds are so much more valued than Brazilian Reals, then every cent counts A LOT. Everyone that donates can ask for a ficlet or art or ask me to do something for them, I don’t even know, but you can ask for it. I’m not going to guarantee that I’ll be able to do everything, but I can try.

I know I owe some people art and now that I have access to a computer, I’m gonna pay up. 

Please share this!

BTS being submissive~ I’ve scrolled up and down my inbox trying to find this request, but I guess either I deleted it on accident or Tumblr did it in a vain attempt to save my innocence, so I guess it’s a good thing I screenshot these asks xP So, fair warning, I’m an asexual virgin that learned everything about sub/dom things from the 50 Shades trilogy yes i read them at my grandmas house actually my life is a sin so this may not be totally accurate or make sense 100% of the time. Also, there isn’t really anything explicit, so i’m not going to tag it NSFW, but tell me if you think i should~ I hope you all enjoy it!

Gifs aren’t mine also two gifs for namjoon bc one fit but was silly so i thought id add a sexy one for the namjoon stans xp

SEOKJIN:
Seokjin would struggle in his role as a submissive, but not because he wanted to be dominant. No, if he had asked or agreed to be submissive, then that was what he was going to be, and that was why he struggled; he was reluctant to disobey any order you gave or do something that he knew would make you upset, but he really liked being punished. And in the beginning, he was fine just breaking small rules here and there; rules that didn’t make you angry when broken but that he still needed to be punished for. But those punishments were light and over quickly, and soon it wasn’t enough. So he would struggle, obeying you for as long as he could before finally snapping and breaking a multitude of rules all at once, sometimes even while the two of you were in public, and wondering how long that punishment would hold him over before he had to do it again.

YOONGI:
At first, Yoongi didn’t really seem like he would be the best submissive; he was more dominant by nature, but there were times when he did want to be submissive. Plus, if it was something you wanted, then he was even more willing to do it, but he still wasn’t going to give you the satisfaction of dominating him very early on in the night; you wanted him to be loud, and he refused. Before he started being submissive, he was always quiet in the bedroom, low groans and grunts that only you could hear being breathed into your ear rather than filling the room. And so, when you started being dominant, only for him to disobey when you told him to be loud, shaking his head and biting his lip to muffle his grunts, you worried that he wasn’t fit for the role. But you kept going, and when you finally broke him, his moan filled the building, not just the room, and the both of you nearly lost it then and there.

HOSEOK:
Hoseok was very comfortable in his role as a submissive. Not in the sense that he talked to everyone about it, of course, but he wasn’t against letting other people watch, in a sense. Humiliation - public and private - seemed to be one of his kinks, which you found out early on. That being said, though, his sex life and his work were very separate, so public humiliation had to be somewhat limited; you couldn’t publicly humiliate him in a way that would cause him to lose fans or cast a bad light on him, his band, or his company. Anything that the company wasn’t against, he was all for, even if that meant that you only humiliated him in front of his band mates - if it didn’t make them uncomfortable - or in private. And beyond that, he was the perfect submissive, save for the few times he lost control and snapped his hips up to meet you.

NAMJOON:
If Namjoon was going to be submissive, you were going to need a lot of ropes or cuffs. Ties and bandanas weren’t going to cut it, because he was either going to find a way to untie them or end up ripping them in his attempts to touch you. It wasn’t as if he hated being submissive; quite the opposite, actually. Putting all of his trust in you, letting you blindfold him and cuff him to the bed, it turned the both of you on like nothing else. But, unlike Namjoon, you could still take things slow when you were that horny. You could still tease and linger and drive him fucking insane. He wasn’t above begging, he really wasn’t, but he quickly found out that his begging just led to more teasing. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t handle it, though, and the longer you made him wait, the better his release was, so neither of you were really complaining afterwards.

JIMIN:
Whenever was Jimin was being submissive, you never had to tell him to be loud; he wasn’t exactly quiet when he wasn’t being submissive, but whenever you had him tied down, torturing pleasuring him without letting him touch you, he felt like words were the only way to express just how much he enjoyed whatever it was you were doing. Unfortunately, he couldn’t really form words most of the time, so they ended up coming out as loud, unashamed moans, the force of which made his own back arch as they spilled from his mouth. It would be more of a struggle to get him to be quiet, but if that was what you wanted him to do, then he would do his best to quiet down, only to get loud once more as you started rewarding him for following orders. And then you punished him, and he failed to muffle the whimper that would lead to yet another punishment.

TAEHYUNG:
Taehyung was excellent as a submissive. He was quick to follow orders and willing to do anything that you asked of him, so long as it didn’t break any limits the two of you had set. But he also knew not to be too obedient; there would be no fun in being a submissive if he didn’t get punished from time to time. Plus, he knew a big part of being dominant was dealing out those punishments, so he’d want you to find as much pleasure with him as you could. He knew exactly what rules to break and when to break them, never making you angry but ensuring that he would get punished later. He might squirm a bit too much at times, and he would occasionally want to take nights off from being submissive and just devote time to pleasuring you for a change, but other than that, he made sure that you both got as much pleasure as possible out of every night.

JUNGKOOK:
Jungkook was always a cheeky little shit. Being submissive didn’t change that in the least. Sure, now he knew that he would be punished for it, but that didn’t stop him from rubbing his hand up your thigh under the table at dinner. It didn’t stop him from slapping or pinching your butt as he passed by you. And it certainly didn’t stop him from smirking and cocking an eyebrow when he’d actually managed to get you turned on while the two of you were in public. However, in the bedroom, he was anything but cheeky. He loved being punished by you; loved that you knew just what he could handle and just how to soothe or reward him now that he was actually following orders, and he would do whatever it took to make sure that you continued pleasuring him until he just couldn’t take it anymore.

4

The Thundara family (+ Auntie Zinnia)

So I finally just met up with a very stressful deadline and to relax I drew some characters of mine I’ve been meaning to get onto canvas for…three years now…? I’m very bad at planning things out. I’ll definitely need to go back and revisit them again soon, but I at least have reference for myself to go off of.

Anyways I have so much more work to finish, so I’ll be going back to that now!!

It’s the man carrying flowers into the airport as he’s there to pick up his girlfriend. He looks nothing like you, but the white carnations he’s holding resemble the ones you used to carry to my front door on the ninth of every month.

It’s the song that plays when I put my phone on shuffle. Ed Sheeran was beautiful even before we danced to him, but somehow Tenerife Sea is a music video in my head, starring you and me in my driveway, the moon as our spotlight.

It’s the picture that shows up on Facebook because it was a year ago today and apparently not everyone else in the world is running away from their memories. It’s not the picture itself that gets to me, it’s your hand on the small of my back. When I look, I can almost still feel it.

It’s the sweatshirt I come across in the back of my closet. It’s from a college you didn’t even go to, but your grandma bought it for you because she wished you would.

It’s the date on the calendar. May ninth. May sixteenth. May twenty-second. June fifteenth. July sixth. November first. November twenty-eighth.

It’s the reason I can’t stop thinking of you. You’re everywhere, and I can’t escape.

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #111
So I need to apologise for my disappearance 🙀

Hiya guys, I’m so sorry for my unannounced hiatus. I love everyone who is still here with me, you guys are awesome! For a while I had to be big and try my hardest not to slip into littlespace, so i had to avoid tumblr. If you wanna know more about why, read below. It might be a bit heavy,so a bit of a trigger warning.

Keep reading

The Silm fandom is pretty chill and peaceful but I think we should appreciate that this is in large part due to tumblr being a text-based site. Can you imagine what would happen if we all heard how others pronounce the names of the characters? Now that would be a kinslaying!

godmachine  asked:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿)

Ahhhhh thank you!!! I’m so honored!!! Also thank you to the Nonnie who sent this to me as well! Okay so here we go:

1. I’ve Been Thinkin’ Bout Forever  (tumblr- Nursey/Dex, 7.5k words, mature - Basically Dex is a brat post graduation and kind of falls out of contact with everyone except Chowder and Holster (they work together, this is not by choice). When Jack and Bitty buy a house together, they have a little reunion party, and Nursey shows up. With a husband. There’s UV Blue, years worth of pining and moping, two day hangovers and eventually blow jobs on the back porch. You know, the usual. No but in all seriousness I’m very proud of this fic and even though I cried while writing it I promise the ending is happy and while these boys are dumb I think they were pretty mature about this. Well, besides the UV Blue… and the hedgehogs.

2Tattoos, Cutoffs and Converse (tumblr) - Nursey/Dex, 7k words, teen & up - this was my first nurseydex fic, and it will forever hold a special place in my cheesy ass heart. This is also my first appearance of the wonderful kat Poindexter, who may or may not actually be me. It’s fine. Anyways, the premise of this fic is that Dex’s sister invites Nursey to Poindexter Family Night ™ and Nursey learns quite a few interesting things about his D-Man. Like how Dex has a type, and dances in the kitchen with his sisters, and makes mix tapes full of pop songs when he’s pining. It’s the best. (the tumblr link above links to a playlist and fan cast too!)

3. Love Is (Him) - Nursey/Dex, 3.8k words, teen & up - obligatory Nursey writes poetry about Dex fic. I especially love Dex’s grandma in this one, and I also wax poetic about my home state - Rhode Island, so if you like sunsets and clam chowder, and mutual pining, this is the fic for you.

4. The Body Shots Fic - Nursey/Dex, mature - I mean, this one is pretty self explanatory, but I LOVE body shots and I love nursey and dex and so… If you like alcohol and questionable decisions and making out angrily, that’s basically all this guy is. Also Ransom and Holster being obnoxious, aka my favorite thing. Also check out THIS ART.

5. Jealous Dex Fic - Nursey/Dex, teen & up - The team keeps a running tally of all the times Nursey gets hit on, and after a while it starts to really bug Dex. They of course fight about it, because Misunderstandings, and Bitty tries his best to save the day with Dex resisting the entire time. It ends happy though and I love it a lot. 

anyways, all my other fics can be found here if you want to see the rest! Also, I was offline the last few days so I don’t know who’s done this yet, so sorry if I send it to you after you’ve already done it!

zodiac signs as my own tweets
  • Aries: Always hide your feelings at all costs
  • Taurus: "I'm so glad we're having this movie dinner date tonight, babe :))" [puts Shrek 2 into DVD player]
  • Gemini: all I do is suffer
  • Cancer: "Dad, I'm depressed." "Hi, Depressed, I'm Dad!"
  • Leo: [looking at your penis] "I have stilettos longer than that."
  • Virgo: "No, that isn't enough! It has to be perfect!", hissed Danny Devito with unassuageable rancor.
  • Libra: [Decrepit and bed-ridden, gazing into the distance with weary malaise] "Thinking about fashion."
  • Scorpio: "You're a terrible human being." "[looking at tumblr astrology post] no it says right here that I am 'elegant' and 'well-received'"
  • Sagittarius: Welcome to Dom's Subs, may you take our order
  • Capricorn: "You're cold-blooded. You're cold-blooded like a snake. Just like your father." --my grandma to me when I was 13
  • Aquarius: and the whole time you don't notice that my feet have been hovering an inch and a half off the ground
  • Pisces: my self esteem is a fragile, porcelain doll

Tagged by the mushroom @kinokorei

Tagging: @saevun @sekkradoodles @fabledtactician @petililt @tactician-sascha @krazehkai @jisunshines @yuruya @ruriiroame @inigostears @belowtheraedar @lithety @blue–rosa @hirmamo

5 Things you’ll find in my bag

  1. Wallet
  2. Hand sanitizer
  3. A giant bottle of Tums (anxiety gives me stomach pains)
  4. Umbrella
  5. Charging cable + portable battery

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

  1. Messy desk full of papers
  2. A pillow fort on my bed
  3. “Betty” the laptop
  4. Oil paintings I’ve done on my wall
  5. My rainbow keyboard

5 things i’ve always wanted to do in life

  1. Learn the piano
  2. World trip with friends
  3. Go to Disneyland
  4. Try different street foods around the world
  5. Pick up Spanish and Japanese again

5 things i’m currently into

  1. Froyo
  2. GREEN TEA
  3. “BANANA IS PERFECT!” Utapri s4
  4. Valkyrie Connect (I love this game but RNGesus hates me)
  5. Corn flakes…

5 things on my (creative) to do list

  1. Get decent amount of sleep
  2. SLEEP
  3. Clean my room
  4. Take long walks
  5. DESTRESS

5 things people (here on tumblr) may not know about me

  1. My grandma gave me a Chinese name that meant “brave hero” but my mom disliked it so much she changed it to mean “family harmony”.
  2. Got pushed off the 7th floor but survived…with a spine injury;;;
  3. I have freckles.
  4. I really love eating jellyfish. Possibly my favorite food in the world next to sushi.
  5. Took karate before and got knocked in 5 seconds flat by my instructor who accidentally used too much force.
2

The last chapter.

My sweet, sassy grandma decided yesterday afternoon that she’d finally had enough of this crazy, awesome thing called life. She passed away with my dad and aunt by her side while I distracted the great-grandchildren outside.

She spent much of her final days in a morphine embrace, but only a week ago, before Phil and I left for our honeymoon she appeared more alert than she had in years. In fact, she did something she hadn’t done in years - she remembered and called me by name. “Amy, Amy. I can tell the difference,” she said. It was the last thing she said to me.

These last two years have been a bittersweet blessing. By no means easy, but the lessons I learned are invaluable. I pray I offered all I could to my grandma. I hope I was enough. I wasn’t perfect, but who is?

As I shopped today for her final outfit, I kept in mind the sassy woman who was always dressed to the nines throughout her life. She may have spent the last year in comfy nightgowns, but she can rest assured I’ve made sure she could entertain even the queen in her eternal ensemble.

Thank you, tumblr, for being my outlet and letting me share my grandmother with you. Had you come to visit me, she would’ve prepared a banquet that would have you all reaching for your stretchy pants and creating fitblr blogs…

you know to be honest sometimes i feel it’s only because i’m a) a girl b) non-white that i get more leeway to say various things that may go against the grain of conventional tumblr views without being accused of being an apologist, because of how much tumblr uses identity politics as to whether your opinion is valid or not.

and that’s complete BULLSHIT. being non-white doesn’t mean you can’t be perpetuating racism (as i’ve shown many times). being a woman doesn’t mean you might not be subscribing to misogynistic ideas too (i mean look how much women have played a role in perpetuating patriarchal power structures??? My great-great-grandma ok-ing female infanticide??) being white doesn’t mean everything you say is automatically invalid.

ALL THAT does is form the context from which one’s opinion comes from. It may mean your perspective is more limited, and that what you say should bear in mind what position you speak from. (I.e I doubt my opinion can be taken to be accurately describing what it’s like to be a black man, a black dude’s POV will be limited regarding what it’s like to be a woman.) Evaluate the opinion with that in mind- it’s not an excuse for people to go “lol no ur opinion is automatically invalid cos ur a __cis/het/white/male!!!!!__”.

That’s not logical reasoning in any form at all and acts as though our gender/sexuality/ethnicity etc somehow automatically determines the soundness of our opinions and character…and NOPE, it doesn’t.

(And see how many so-called champions of progressive causes have let people down? The most recent being Lena Dunham?)

6

Happy Birthday Danica!! I hope your day is filled with lots of love and joy! May all your birthday wishes come true. *plinks* and purple hearts everywhere for you! Keep in mind! that it’s TREAT YO SELF DAY! Hehehe. I am so so so grateful that we got to know each other and talk! Seriously! I don’t think I would’ve survived tumblr without you or ouat or at all! LOL! Don’t forget to the dapper motherfucker club! *beatboxing* Anyways, happy birthday darling. I love you! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ 

P.S. you met Bobby and I cry about it everyday ಥ_ಥ

         P.P.S. I am so happy for you ◕‿◕

Teen Accidentally Comes Out To Ranting Grandma In The Best Way

A 16-year-old Tumblr user fed up of her grandma’s homophobic ranting accidentally came out to her family by turning the rant on its head. 

Katie explains the story in a series of panicky text messages to a friend: 

“I MAY HAVE JUST ACCIDENTALLY CAME OUT TO MY ENTIRE FAMILY IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY,” she texted moments after it happened. 

“MY GRANDMA WAS SAYING HOW GAYS ARE GOING TO HELL AND I DIDN’T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT SO I STARTED TO LEAVE

“MY COUSIN ASKED WHERE I WAS GOING. “Hell apparently”

“WHAT HAVE I DONE?”

Image: Katie on Tumblr

She then elaborated in a follow-up post after a concerned anonymous user checked in. After hiding out in the bathroom for a while, she found she had the full support of the rest of her family. 

“Apparently, after I left the room my grandmother turned to my mom and said something to the extent of ‘how could you let your daughter become a queer’,” she wrote.  

"My mother, aunt, and uncle all went off at her for that one, there was quite a bit of yelling. After a while, my mother came upstairs and told me that she supported me no matter what, and then we left without talking to my grandmother.

"The next morning, she called to apologise for her actions. I have no idea how sincere this apology was because my mother was the one on the phone with her, but I am still invited to christmas” 

The story went viral after Katie’s text messages were uploaded to Imgur - clocking over 985,000 views and 17,000 points at the time of writing.