Dong of love
Context: i play a male dwarf barbarian in a party with a female gnome wizard, male elf ranger, female half orc fighter, and a male human cleric. My dwarf has no facial hair because of story reasons and long braided hair. The cleric grew up in a human-only town and had never seen a dwarf before. So he was convinced that no beard meant he was female, and has continued to hit on my dwarf every chance he got. My dwarf, after a whole in game year of this constant flirting (he barely began to take notice) decides he’s had enough.
The following takes place as we are shopping in a busy marketplace.
Cleric: Oh look love,*holds up a jewel necklace* i got a gift for you!
Dwarf: Dont want it.
Cleric: Whats wrong love? You usually like it when i buy you things.
Me(ooc): We’re in the middle of a marketplace right?
DM: Yup, middle of the day, tons of people around you.
Dwarf: IM NOT YOUR GODDAMN-UH *pulls down pants* I have a dong so there!
Party(ooc): Starts to loose their shit.
Dm: Make an intimidation check.
Party: *Hysteria intensifies*
DM: (cleric) you find youself blushing at the sight of his dong. (Dwarf) Role for seduction.
Me: Oh shit, here we go.
*rolls a 18*
Cleric(ooc): Im a cleric having some very unholy thoughts!
Cleric: I dont care. *grabs my dwarf’s hands* My feelings for you will never change. *kisses dwarf*
Me(ooc): Im…I..I have nothing. I literally cant think of anything to do.
DM: As this beautiful display is happening, surrounded by dozens of civillians with various expressions, the light bouncing off of (dwarf)’s dwarven butt cheeks catches the eyes of a guard.
Guard: Hey pull up those pants your under arrest.
Half orc: Back off this has been months in the making!
*rolls a nat 20 intimidation*
Wizard: I cast an illusion of (dwarf)’s dong ‘reacting’.
Me(ooc): Too late.
Long story short they are still together and my dwarf is ring hunting.