So yesterday was the one-year anniversary of me first watching the channel.
In typical “me” fashion, I really wanted to write a post about it, so that morning I started a draft on what I was going to say.
Also, in typical “me” fashion, once I had lecture yesterday, I promptly forgot about it completely until the next morning (which is today).
So now here I am, finally writing this fucking sentimental post. Sorry, that sounded angry, but I’m really not about this. I’ve had a few anniversaries for bad things recently that made me think, so it’s nice to finally have a good one to ponder about. Anyway….
While I could just go on and write a very long explanation about the effect the channel and Sean have had on me and how much I appreciate everything he’s done, I feel like I’ve done that so many times already it may begin to sound like I don’t mean it (even though I really do….I’m paranoid, sue me). On top of that, I’m very bad at expressing emotions in general, and it’s difficult for me to formulate accurately exactly what I am feeling, so it can sometimes look or turn into me using generalities or common phrases to try to explain a much more complex thing. The point is: sometimes I write so much because I’m trying to explain something that can’t be described in words. The more I write, the more I can feel like I’m approaching the place where people understand me. That doesn’t happen unless I write a novel or I talk for a few hours. I rarely do either. So I’ll just say this instead:
I went into 2016 full of darkness, and it kept getting darker. It was as if I had fallen into a tortuous river with no life jacket, and the steep cliff was finally in view, the sharp rocks hungrily waiting below. I no longer saw a point in resisting– trying to swim to the sides, grab onto to something, anything, to stop me from continuing my descent and falling over the edge. I stopped fighting, let the waters push me along, and it felt like I was finally going home.
But on January 23, 2016, I decided to watch a guy with green hair play Undertale.
He was like a light. A beaming rope that reached out to me.
Something about it made me want to grab onto it. So I did.
My darkness got a little brighter. I didn’t want to fall just yet.
Sometimes it doesn’t take much for you to decide, “Hey, I do want to wake up tomorrow.” It can be the smallest of things.
Like a youtube video. Or two.
That was me a year ago.
Now, I’m in a slightly better place than I was back then. No, I don’t rely exclusively on his daily videos anymore to keep me waking up in the morning, but that isn’t to say that they don’t still help me.
Because they do.
Yes, some days not even those help (that’s not an insult to him, I deal with a lot of stuff, a video isn’t going to magically make it better all the time….just to clarify), but the fact that someone is even trying warms whatever I have in my chest where my heart is supposed to be.
No matter how I’m feeling, I know that there is one person who will be there.
Holy moly, The Beast Peddler turned six years old yesterday and I just totally forgot about it!
There was a time when I just made weird things at night and on weekends. Six years and over six hundred seventy five mandrakes later, and I do this nonsense all day now. Thank you to everyone who has adopted a beast, liked a post or even thought good things in our direction. Without you all I wouldn’t be where I am, so thank you so much! ♥♥♥
So, here to more weird stuff! Here’s Wendy the pumpkid for you, and I’ll have a Thing™ to give away in the next day or so. Thanks lovelies!
🍌I’m bananas about bananas🍌
I forgot how good bananas are! I was eating bananas everyday for a year when I first went vegan then I got really sick of them, so I have taken quite along brake from just eating a bowl of bananas or even just having one as a snack because the thought of eating a whole banana made me feel sick, but yesterday I had this intense craving for bananas so I had one almost immediately and damn it was tasty! Now I’m back on the banana kick after what feels like a life time✨
3 things j did that only prove that he knows me so so well -
Our last Christmas in SD, 858 had a white elephant. I got a weird ceramic golf cup. I didn’t want to keep it, and honestly forgot about it, until no joke, this past move (2 weeks ago) when he pulled it out to show me. Obviously I cried.
On Thursday, he got off early from work and he came home and cleaned the house (like actually cleaned it - not mansplaining cleaned it) and did all the laundry so we wouldn’t have to do it this weekend.
Yesterday, at the museum, made a point to buy me a small crystal to add to my collection.
Author’s note: I honestly meant to start posting this yesterday, but I forgot because I had school. That is also the same reason why i’m posting this earlier than I usually do. this “scene” is long and will have a few parts to it. Sorry for any errors
Genre: forced “fluff” (Jungkook)
Word count: 2994
WARNING: some physical abuse
Summary: You finally get to talk to your parents and Rap monster makes a plan for you and Jungkook.
This is my GIF. I made it based off of this scenario series.
and the guys were in the practice room eating lunch on the floor. It had been about
a week since the episode “revealing” that you and Jungkook were dating had been
shot. That episode had just aired a few days ago and the boys’ phones were
still ringing constantly from new notifications.
“ARMY is still going crazy from all this news…”, Suga said
as he scrolled through his phone.
Jhope agreed looking at all the stuff on his phone. “There are so many memes of
Jungkook though. It’s hilarious!”
there is a lot of hate too.”. Jimin said. “Tons of fans are mad that Jungkook
is in a relationship and over the fact that he kept it secret. It’s all a mix
of jealousy and betrayal.” He said, sympathetically patting Jungkook’s back and
resting his head on his shoulder.
“Tons of hate on y/n too… Sorry y/n.” V said.
drop it Tae.” Jhope said. “They are just upset that Jungkook isn’t single.
Don’t worry y/n they don’t really hate you.” he reassured, giving your shoulder
a small squeeze.
Rap Monster stayed quiet. He just wrote on a piece of paper
as he ate.
are calling you a whore, a bitch, and a dream ruiner. They are saying that you
are stealing Jungkook. Oh! And that you are ugly and fat. And let’s not forget
about those death threats! At least they see what I see.”, Jimin smiled.
let out a long sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. Based on his
expression it was easy to see that he was distressed. “You know what the worst
part is?” he asked. His expression was now empty and he was staring off into
“What?” the boys asked in concern, noticing his
can’t fuck freely anymore! Do you know how hard it’s going to be too find
someone that’ll be down to fuck now that I’m “in a relationship”?”
“Piece of shit!”, “Damn Jungkook! I thought you were
serious!” they shouted back at him.
“I feel you bro.” V said to Jungkook mockingly.
you really need to worry about is a scandal stupid! Now all those bitches you
fucked are going to come out and say that you were cheating on y/n! Then they
will REALLY hate you!”, Jin warned.
“One step at a time.” Rap Monster muttered. The eeriness of
his voice silenced everyone.
was still quiet when you heard a ringtone coming from Rap Monster’s bag. You
recognized it. It was a custom ringtone you had set for your parents.
“Right on time.” Rap Monster stood up and walked over to
the bag, pulling out your cell phone.
ended the call before the ringtone could repeat. He walked over to you and
handed you the piece of paper that he was writing on. You took a quick look at
it. Almost the entire sheet was filled with paragraphs of writing scribbled on
fucking parents have been a pain in my ass and they have been texting and calling
nonstop when they found out that you and Jungkook are “dating”. Call them and
read what I wrote for you. Each one is to a different question they’ve been
asking the most. Only say things that have been written down on that paper.”.
He told everyone to shut up and tossed you your cell phone.
cradled your phone. It had been so long since you even laid eyes on it. You
turned on the screen. The lock screen was different; it was change to a BTS
logo. You tried to unlock the phone, but your password wouldn’t work. You
handed it back to Rap Monster.
fuck! I forget that I changed it.” He took the phone from you, moving a bit to
make sure you couldn’t see what he was putting. He tossed it back at you. The
screen had your dad’s phone number waiting to be called. You grabbed the paper
and made the call. You put the phone on speaker like you were supposed. You sat
nervously as all the boys stared at you.
“Hello? Y/n?”. you could hear your dad speaking. He sounded
a bit frantic.
dad.”, You couldn’t help but smile. It was a bittersweet moment. You felt happy
to hear his voice, but hearing him reminded you how much you missed your
family. It had been weeks since the last time you were allowed to talk to your
parents. Since everyone had been so busy, they didn’t give you time to call
them. It had been so long since you had a chance to speak to them, you forgot
what you last spoke to them about.
“Is that y/n? Y/n! We heard that you were on TV!” your mom
could feel a lump forming in your throat. You let out a tiny cough to try and
make sure your voice came out normal. “Hi mom! I miss you guys!”
Rap Monster painfully pulled a chunk of your hair for
saying something that he didn’t write down.
You let out a little squeal.
“What was that?” your parents asked.
“Nothing! I just tripped that’s all…”
what is all this news about you dating this idol? We thought you were in
school! We thought you had a job as a waitress, not some assistant to an
idol!”. Your dad was pissed.
monster snapped his fingers and you looked up at him. He mouthed the words
“Read the paper.”
parents were still lecturing you while you scanned that paper for a proper
answer. “Um… wait… Can I just say some things to explain myself?” You continued
to scan the paper until you came to a small paragraph towards the bottom of the
I’m so sorry that I lied to you two, but I had to. The guy I am dating is
Jungkook from the kpop group Bangtan Boys. I couldn’t say anything about it
because I didn’t want him to get in trouble. I couldn’t tell anyone, not even
you guys. Um… about school… I am still going to school, but all my classes are
online classes… And I’m sorry that I lied about being a waitress. I didn’t want
anyone to know that I was working for idols. I just didn’t want to get harassed
about it and all that. I didn’t want there to be any kind of known connection
between me and Jungkook either.”
parents began bombarding you with even more questions. “That’s no excuse for
you not answering our calls! Why have you been doing that? Where are you
staying?!? We tried to visit you the other day, but you never picked up your
phone. We called your building and they told us that you didn’t live there
anymore! We called your friends, but they told us that you haven’t been talking
to them either! That you basically cut your connections with them! Why?!?
What’s going on?!? Tell us what’s going on!”
You began frantically reading over the paper for an answer,
but you couldn’t find anything.
Rap monster snapped his fingers again and mouthed the words
Mom. Dad. I have to go now. I have a lot of work to catch up on and I have
homework to do later. I’ll talk to you guys some other time. Bye. I love you!
quickly ended the call. Rap monster snatched your phone out of your hands and
pushed it into his pocket. He casually went back to eating, stuffing a spoonful
of rice into his mouth.
felt like a deflated balloon. Hearing your parents’ voices reminded you how
much you missed them. It hurt so much that you had to lie to them. All you
wanted to do was cry to them to help you get away from the bad situation you
were stuck in. You just wanted to hide away into the safety of their arms. You
couldn’t imagine how worried they must be about you. They hadn’t seen you in
months. They hadn’t heard from you in weeks. They didn’t even know where to
felt heavy with guilt. You rested your head on Suga’s shoulders and stared off
to the door of the practice room. You lost your appetite. You just fantasized
about running out the door and going to your parent’s house
stayed quiet. He couldn’t really think about what to say to you. What could he
say? Jhope moved closer to you and took your hand in his.
“Jungkook.” Rap monster called out.
“Yeah?” Jungkook asked looking up from his phone.
“Do you think you have the choreo down?”
“Hoseok, does it seem like he has it down?” Rap monster
“Um, yeah. Why?” Jhope asked also. He was using his free
hand to get some pills out of his little pill case.
“Jungkook, you have to take y/n on a date tonight.” Rap
monster said blankly.
began coughing, practically choking on his food. “What?” he coughed some more.
Jimin and V were patting his back to help him get his food down. “Why the fuck
do I have to do that?”
“Because I told you to.”
“I don’t want to!” Jungkook fought.
“You have to make it seem like you and y/n are actually
don’t think they have to do that!” Jimin said. “If they “dated” in secret, they
can still “date” in secret.”
bad enough I can’t sleep around anymore, now you want me to take her on a
date?” Jungkook asked, pointing at you.
Jungkook had always been crude to you, it was on his own terms. You began to
notice that when he is forced to interact with you. His confidence to be an
asshole flew out the window and what was left behind was a spoiled brat.
told you I was going to make you pay.” Rap monster said. “You’re lucky I’m
going easy on you right now. One more fuck up and you’ll regret it.” He
Jungkook immediately shut his mouth and went back to eating
“Consequences Jungkook… Consequences.” Jin mumbled, backing
up Rap monster’s orders.
“You guys need to act like a couple, a real couple.” Rap
yeah. I got it.” Jungkook said. By his body language you could tell that he was
annoyed. He was acting like a child that wasn’t getting his way.
That stupid little shit isn’t going to work for me! You gotta fucking prove it
to me right now! Y/n get your ass over here!” he pointed at the spot next to
immediately crawled your way next to Jungkook. “You two fuckers need to look
legit. If any shit about you guys looking upset together or if you guys were
fighting, you’ll regret being little bitches about this.”
“Ok…” Jungkook said keeping his eyes head down.
Rap monster exploded. He threw his bowl of rice at Jungkook. “Prove it! Hug!
Hug each other! Right now!”
and Jungkook looked at each other and hesitated before slowly and awkwardly
hugging each other. The hug barely lasted a second before you pulled away from
Jungkook. You couldn’t help but still feel disgust by him. No matter what,
after know about his fuckboy ways, you couldn’t help but find him repulsive.
fucking bitch!” Rap monster ripped Jin’s bowl of rice out of his hand and
chucked it at you.
“My rice!” Jin whimpered.
“You two already fucked! Why are you so hesitant?!? Again!”
Rap monster shouted.
You both looked at him.
“I said to fucking do it again!”
you two hugged. You hugged again and again, until he felt you two looked like
you did it lovingly.
“Okay. Now hold hands.”
You grabbed Jungkook’s hand, keeping your hands on the
floor in between the two of you.
“No! Not like that! Interlock your fingers.”
You both did as he said.
you two are walking around you better be holding hands like that. Now… Sit
closer. Jungkook when you hold hands, rest your hands on your thigh.”
He did as he was told.
“Oh fuck no!” “They don’t gotta do that shit!” Jimin and
“That’s a bit too much Namjoon.” Jhope added.
“Yeah, I agree with Hoseok. They don’t need to go that
far.” V said.
they fucking do!” Rap monster snapped. “You guys saw this fucker in the video!”
he shouted, grabbing Jungkook by his shirt and shaking his aggressively. “He
has to keep that stupid shit up in public too! Now fucking kiss!” He pushed
Jungkook on top of you.
fuck.” Jungkook grunted, getting himself back up in a sitting positon. “Let’s get this over with.” Without much
notice, he crashed his lips into yours.
first instinct was to push him off of you. Doing so brought off another
explosion of frustration from Rap monster. Like he did Jungkook, he came up to
you and began shaking you violently and screaming in your face.
“Leave her alone!” Suga shouted. He jumped up from the
floor and pushed Rap monster off of you.
monster quickly pounced on Suga, tackling him to the ground. “What the fuck do
you prefer I do huh?” He shouted, punching Suga. “Do you want her with
Jungkook?” Another punched landed on Suga’s face. “Or do you want me to kill
got up and tried to pull Rap monster off of him. Your attempts were somewhat
unsuccessful. Yes, you got Rap monster off of Suga, but his focus was now on
you. He latched on to your shirt, using it to pick himself up. There were no
words, just slaps. Each one getting harder than the last.
V ran up and somehow squeezed himself in between you and Rap monster, taking a
slap that was meant for you. V pushed his arms out, getting Rap monster off of
the two of you. “Stop! She can’t go out if she’s bruised up!”
words were able to calm Rap monster down. His breathing slowed, but he still
looked furious. V stayed in between the
two of you. He had on arm on your shoulder and his other arm stuck out to keep
Rap monster at a distance.
looked over at Suga. Jhope was by his side, helping him off the floor. There
was blood all over his shirt and there was a few drops on the floor. You slowly
made your way over to him. Upon closer inspection, you could tell it was from a
Yoongi! Squeeze your nose. Don’t tilt your head back.” You said softly. You
reached out to try and help him to his bag.
got it.” He mumbled. He waved your hands away from him. He let Jhope help him
to his bag and pulled out his towel.
“Y/n.” Rap monster called. “Get back over here.” He pointed
to the spot next to Jungkook.
You dragged yourself over to him and sat down.
“Kiss.” Rap monster growled, standing over the two of you.
in an act of getting the moment over with, Jungkook quickly pushed his lips
onto yours. Although you didn’t pull away this time, it was very obvious that
you didn’t enjoy it. You let out a little squeal and your whole body had tensed
“Nope, not good enough. Again!” Rap monster ordered.
with hugs, again and again and again, you had to touch Jungkook’s lips with
yours. Each time felt more and more disgusting. You felt so violated and
embarrassed. You hated the fact that Jungkook’s skin was touching yours. You
hated that you were forced to do it over and over again. What you hated the
most was that you were forced to do it in front of the other members.
Rap monster let you guys stop. He pulled out his cell phone and called the
manager. “Hey, take a break from the deliveries. Come pick up Jungkook and y/n…
I just need you to do it that’s why… Take them to the dorm. When they are ready
take them to the movies… Yeah… I’ll get Jimin to do it. Don’t worry.” He said,
quickly moving his line of sight to Jimin. Then he glared to you and Jungkook.
“Jin, look up a movie for around 7pm.” He put his phone in his other pocket.
“You two are going to go to the dorm to change. Try to get your clothes to
match and shit. You’re gonna go on the fucking date. By tomorrow our phones
better be blasting with pictures of the two of you. Don’t forget to make a
small video afterwards and post it on twitter or something. Remember, you gotta
“I don’t have any money. We should just skip this date
idea.” Jungkook said defiantly.
a word, Rap monster walked over to his bag and pulled something out. You
couldn’t tell what it was because he kept it hidden in his hands. He came back
to the two of you and squat down a few feet in front of Jungkook.
“No money? What happened to your share?” he asked
blew it all.” Jungkook’s tone of voice was rather cocky. It was as if he thought
he found a loop hole in Rap monster’s plan.
“You blew it all?” Rap monster was fidgeting with the item
in his hands.
Jungkook was glaring back at Rap monster. “Yup-“
Rap monster harshly threw a fist full of money at Jungkook’s face. “No excuses.
Get your shit together, the manager will be here soon. He’s got some other
important stuff to do so don’t take too long getting ready.”
Soon the rest of the guys began practicing
as you and Jungkook sat against the wall, waiting for the manager to pick you
Transgender Princessé had a party moment yesterday. And then she made snaps. Snaps lost forever in a haze of… haziness.
The sadness is total.
Sometimes when inebriated I have this feeling of losing control of my dysphoria. Like it’s a crazy bird I somehow trapped in a cage and forgot all about. And suddenly, there it is! Floppety flappin around.
Care less, dance more, remember it’s about werkin it - not twerking it.
I forgot to post about Joseph’s day yesterday. While John got his haircut, we waited in the mall at the play area. There was a mom group there and they started singing and reading books, Joseph seemed interested and the moms welcomed us to join. I kinda wished I was in involved something like this. Then they left, but Joseph kept playing and he made so many friends and that made me so happy because he tends to be kinda shy.
There was this one specific girl who he kept socializing with. They talked to each other and played. I got to know the girl’s grandmother, too. She was super nice. There’s a little train that gives the kids rides around the mall. Both of them wanted to ride but I had left my wallet in the car by mistake. But the lady offered to pay for him because she was also so excited for the little girl to be friends with Joseph, she is also shy. I kept insisting that it was okay, I just had to go to the car but her husband said no, he was happy to pay for him and had already paid. Both kids were so happy riding the train. And Joseph had a great day. It was the highlight of my day.
Today was not a good day. I stayed up last night because I had accidentally fallen asleep yesterday afternoon and by the time I wanted to go to sleep, if I did I wouldn’t wake up in time to do what I needed to do today.
I forgot to turn in my payroll slip and they were due before 12pm today so I had to take an uber to and from my work place to turn it in, which costed me about $60. When I got home, I made some ramen and went to sleep.
I woke up to someone pounding on my door at around 4pm so I got up and looked out of my living room window and it was my mother. I opened the door and she had explained that I hadn’t answered my phone so she got really worried that something was wrong because I usually wake up when my phone goes off but I had gone to bed really late so I was too exhausted to wake up to my phone and she was panicking and she took the screen off of my window to pound on my window because it was louder.
So I calmed her down, walked back inside, stepped in pee. My dog always waits until I wake up to pee but not long enough for me to grab her leash.
Got finished cleaning up after her, took a pain killer, and laid down. Ended up throwing up an hour later. I’m like 75% certain that I’m allergic to one of my meds because I’ve been nauseated for the last week. I’m still nauseated right now.
I’ve been in bed all day, didn’t get any of the cleaning that I had planned on doing done. Didn’t wash the dog either. My room smells stale because the sheets are dirty and I smell because I haven’t taken a shower in three days. The main room smells like pee because no matter what I do, the dog just can’t wait 10 minutes for me to put some damn clothes on and grab her leash before she pisses in the kitchen and the floor is coming up because it’s just a shit floor and it’s trapping the smell under it and the swiffer pad keeps getting stuck on the tiles and the dishes are piling up again and I just want B home. I don’t have enough energy to do everything that needs doing and the anxiety of knowing that there’s a shit ton of stuff to do keeps me from doing ANY of it.
It was so easy keeping up with all of the work when he was here because I didn’t have to spend literately hundreds of dollars getting places and I didn’t have to stay with anyone to get to work and school and I had help cleaning and making food and I had company. I had my partner, my best friend with me to help make things easier.
He would take care of the animals and bring me to the places I needed to go and I would clean the floors and do the laundry and we would take turns doing the dishes and cooking food. It wasn’t perfect but I had help around the house and emotional support and a friend and I’m so god damn lonely and I can’t wait for tomorrow night because I’ll have all of that back, but in two weeks I’ll have to deal with another week of this bullshit. I hate his job and I hate that they’re choosing to have him come back and then leave because this week in spring break so I don’t have to go anywhere so now would be a great fucking time to do training. I would gladly have him stay over there another week if he wouldn’t have to go back for another few months even though I’m drowning over here just because it would make shit so much easier in the long term.
I’m literately sick and tired and I’m in a shit ton of pain. Just make it fucking stop.
I opened the Daily Prophet and gasped. This eyes. I hadn’t seen them in a while. My heart started to race automatically. There hasn’t past a day when I hadn’t thought about that boy, no now he was a man. I never forgot him. “What’s that sis?”, Remus asked looking over my shoulder “Padfoot escaped?”, he asked and started to read while the lines of the newspaper started to blur in my view. I remembered that day like it had been yesterday when they hat imprisoned Sirius. Like Remus I was still sure about Sirius not telling Voldemort where his best friends were and not killing Peter but the evidence showed another view. “Can’t believe he really made it out.”, Remus said and fell to the chair next to me. “Me neither.”, I answered. My eyes still fixing the photo of Sirius. He looked nothing like the boy that nearly laid half the girls of Hogwarts. I smiled when I remembered all the time we had spent together.
“Hey sweetie.”, Sirius laughed when he came around the corner. I smiled back but as always couldn’t say a word when he was just close to me. This boy was making my brain stop working. “Not very talkative today huh?”, he laughed, his fingers stroking my cheek. “Hey Padfoot better get your hand off my sister.”, Remus said laying his arm around my waist. We all knew what Sirius did with all the girls and Remus, as my older brother, just wanted to protect me. “Everything’s fine Moony. I was just saying hello. Right sweetie?”, I simple nodded. “But I got to go now. Cindy is waiting for me.”, a big smile on his face, but my heart breaking into pieces since I fell for Sirius the day when Remus had all his friends over at our house and we went swimming at the lake. Sirius was all gentle and protecting when the boys from the neighborhood started to pick on me again. “Come on Y/N let us go.”, Remus said pushing me down the hallway.
The Christmas ball was coming and I still hoped for Sirius to ask me out. The last weeks we had spent much time together because Remus took me with him and his friends. We were at Hogsmead, I was sitting with them at the common room and got them out of some serious problems when they plaid tricks on Filch. When I was around Sirius wasn’t watching any other girl and I felt like he might like me. I came to the common room witnessing Sirius being surrounded by at least five girls. I fell to the couch next to Remus and Peter both watching their friend talk to all these girls. “So do you got a date?”, Remus asked, I looked up and shook my head “You?” “Yeah Amy Miller.”, he said and I started to smile “That’s good!” “So we need to find someone for you.” “I can deal with that on my own.”, I laughed when Sirius came over “Miss Turner said yes.”, he smiled brightly. Breaking my heart again.
In the end I went with some boy from Hufflepuff who only wanted to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. It worked. So I sat alone at the stairs, feeling badly about myself when I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Hey sweetie. Why so sad?”, Sirius asked sitting next to me. And again my brain stopped working. “Did your date drop you?”, he asked and saw the boy going off with his ex-girlfriend. “What an idiot.”, he said “Where is Missy?”, I asked being surprised I could talk to him. “You can talk.”, he laughed and then looked at me “I should have asked someone else.”, he smiled and draw out his hand towards me “Want to dance sweetie?” “Yeah.”, I smiled.
I would never forget that night. But now I had nothing more than the memory of it and a picture of us two smiling. I sighed. It had been quite too long since I last saw him. That night I couldn’t sleep that well. I had to think about Sirius. I felt how much I missed him. He was the best man I ever met and no other ever got into my heart. My heart was always with Sirius.
Sirius view I smiled when I pulled out the picture. It had been with me since the day it was made. Smilingly I was standing next to the girl I never got over. She was one of the girls I never slept with because I respected her and of course Remus too much. Y/N. She had been the smartest, funniest and most beautiful girl I ever met. I sighed. We haven’t met in such a long time. I nearly forgot how she looked. If I havn’t had the photo I would probably had. Now that I was searching for Peter I thought about her so much. Maybe I could see her again one day.
I heard a soft sobbing when I came back from my very special date with Tina. “Is somebody here?”, I asked looking through the dark common room. Again a sobbing. I went towards it and saw Y/N sitting at the ground, her knees pulled to her chest. “Hey sweetie. What happened?”, I sat next to her but she pushed me away. Questioningly I looked at her “Just leave me Black got that?”, she snarled. “What did I do sweetheart? Did I hurt you?” “Just leave.”, she said tears running down from her beautiful eyes “But sweetie talk to me!” “Don’t call me like you call all your bitches.”, she groaned, than stood up and left. I sat there for quite a while. What did I do that she hated me so much? I really liked Y/N but she still was Remus younger sister and I didn’t want to hurt her in anyway. But somehow I did without me noticing. But I swore something to myself. That day I stopped dating girls.
There were only two weeks of school left and still Y/N wasn’t talking to me. So I made up my mind and tried to find her. She was sitting next to Remus in the library. “Hey Y/N. Can we talk?”, I asked. She looked up glaring at me. “What?”, she said “Alone.”, I added. She stood up and followed me. “So again, what?” “I… I just wanted you to know I stopped dating all these girls. I just wanted you to know.”, I saw her face lightning up. She was cute. She had always been even if she was kind of awkward sometimes. She really seemed to like me but she would never tell me. Sometimes she wouldn’t even talk when I was around. “Ok sweetie? And by the way you are the only girl I call sweetie.”, I softly touched her face before leaving.
The order of Phoenix was fighting but my eyes were all on Y/N. She was fighting with us and no doubt she was one of the mightiest witches of our time but I was scared about her. I was scared she could get hurt. I ran over to her, protecting her, fighting at her side. “Are you alright sweetie?”, I asked through all the noise “Sure. Are you getting sleepy Padfoot?”, she smiled while making some death eaters explode. “You are good.” “I know.”, she became more self confident since we left school and she showed how well she was fighting against all these death eaters. It seemed she only needed something to boost it.
And than horror started to chase me. James and Lily were killed and everyone thought it was me how made Voldemort find them. But I knew who truly did it. Peter! When I went to talk to him he played his own death and brought me to Azkaban. Little rat! I never had the chance to explain or to tell Y/N a last goodbye before the horror of my life started.
Two years had past since Sirius escaped from Azkaban and still not a word from him. I thought he would at least come and visit me but I didn’t not even get a letter of him. “Hey Y/N I’ve got some news for you. Pack your things. The order is coming back to life.”, he smiled. My heart started racing. The order had been the breaking point of my life. When I was in the order I became someone. I was good at fighting death eaters. Now getting back to it made me pretty nervous. We reached an old dark house. “Where are we?”, I asked “You will see.”, he said mysteriously. Dumbledore let us in “Remus we need to talk. Y/N take your time, look through the house. We need to know what is in here. You are as talented with the dark arts as your brother so maybe you can see what you can do.”, I nodded and left my bag in the hall. I decided to start in the room that was at the highest floor. So I walked up many stairs until I reached the room. “Sirius” was written on the plate pinned to the door. I smiled. This must have been the old Black House. My hands started to shake when I opened the door.
My heart started to race. Everything smelt like Sirius and it brought tears to my eyes. I sat down on his bed looking at all these photos pinned to the wall. “I miss you so much.”, I whispered looking at the pictures. “I missed you too sweetie.”, a dark voice answered. I jumped around just to see Sirius standing in his room. He smiled at me. “Padfoot!”, I gasped jumping from the bed. But then I didn’t know what to say. My brain stopped working like the old days. But I didn’t need to do anything. Sirius pulled me into his arms. “I forgot how beautiful you are.”, he said, pushing my chin up.
Sirius changed a lot. He became much older. His hair had many grey parts and his eyes weren’t as shiny as they were back in the old days but to me he still was the most beautiful man. I ran my fingers over his cheek.
She was more beautiful than I remembered. No she was not only beautiful but stunning! I pulled her closer and felt my heart racing. My hand stroked through her hair. “ You know what? There is something I always wanted to do.”, I said lifting her chin again. And then after fifteen long years I placed my lips on hers. Softly and caring, trying to put all my feelings in this kiss. I had waited much too long for this moment. And as it seemed she waited for it as well. She pushed herself towards me. Kissing me with passion. She bit my lip and made me moan a little bit. It made me want more of here. Yes she was still Remus younger sister and she was still the girl I wouldn’t want to hurt. But she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She could decide on her own if she wanted to do it or not.
I pulled her with me to my bed. She made me forget all the things laying in my past. She was the reason to life for. She was the reason why I made it through Azkaban. She wrapped her legs around my waist when I laid her on the sheets of my bed. She pulled me closer, making me moan again. Her body was perfection and now I was finally allowed to run my hands over it. “You are perfect you know that?”, I asked between the kisses looking at her. She smiled. My lips made their way down her neck. I couldn’t wait any longer. I started to pull off her clothes. Her hands pulled my hair softly while I left kiss marks all over her soft skin.
My lips found her bottom lips and I started to slowly kiss her. Now it was her part to moan. “Sirius.”, was the only word coming over her lips now. My hands lay soft on her hips, pushing her down to the bed while making her feel all the love I felt for her. “Sirius.”, my name dropped from her lips like the most beautiful thing in the world. “I want you.”, she snarled. And I looked up to her. Her look was filled with lust and passion. She wanted me and I wanted her. I pulled myself up on her. “You really want that?”, I asked and she nodded “I never wanted anything more than this.”, she answered.
Slowly I pushed myself into her making us both moan in pleasure. She felt amazing. “Oh god Y/N!”, I groaned. Pushing me deeper into her. I slowly made my pace become faster while her fingernails were running all over my back. The scratch marks would make a nice memory of this perfect moment with this perfect woman. I started to take her harder until I couldn’t take that feeling any longer. I was so close to my climax looking deep into her eyes. “You are beautiful.”, I said pushing me inside her. She seemed to be pretty close to her end as well when she just looked back at me. I felt the climax coming and there was only one thing I wanted to say. “I love you Y/N.”, I said moaning. She was laying underneath me. She even looked more beautiful when she climaxes. Her body was aching and that was all because of me.
“What did you say?”, she asked. Curling herself up next to me under the blanket “I love you.”, I said smiling, kissing her forehead. When suddenly the door of my room opened. “Y/N? Wow! Couldn’t you put a sock to your door knob like you used to back in the old days?”, Remus said “And hey break my sisters heart and I’m going to break your bones.”, he said winking at Y/N. “I won’t hurt my sweetie.”, I answered smiling.
I was busy with studying for my exams (still am) so I forgot the MCL appreciation day yesterday. I decided to make and post this quick drawing anyway.
Thank you @chinomiko for everything that you have made for us! ❤️ thank you for amazing episodes and listening to players ideas. I’m sorry for that part of the fandom who posts leaks of upcoming things and complains about the new things you have worked so hard on. I want you to know that we love you, your games and art. Merci, vous êtes super! <3
The worst part about executive dysfunction is that rather than feeling proud of myself on the days I mostly have it together, I instead get this little nagging voice in my head going, “See? You can do this if you try, you lazy shit.”
Alright it seems I forgot to talk about this yesterday sooo, you see that guy in front of Baymax with the black cap on? Well he cosplayed as Tadashi and when it was his turn to meet Baymax and Hiro, Hiro just looked at him for a second and just instantly hugged him. Everyone in the crowd just said “awwwww”. But before when we were in line, the group in front of us went to take a picture of him and when they came back in line one of them just made a legit dead tadashi joke and said “I just took a picture of a ghost omg!” Lmaooo