i made this to remind myself of happy things

1. About this Journal Page: I usually add this on the first page, it’s sort of like the alpha because it explains the things that i plan to do w/ my journal. I add “Dear reader,… Love, Me” and script my name + heaps of doodles.

2. Birthday Special and Etc. Bonanza: This page is a list of people’s birthday and other special occasions where either list it down or make huge tables similar to a legit calendar. Doodles make this 10x better.

3. Favorites of the Month: I love doing this because it feels like I can actually reminisce the things that i love about the month. I do this in sketches and paint it with watercolors because watercolor makes everything 100x better.

4. Things I love about the season: Frankly speaking, we only have 2 “seasons” in my country so that’s practically just rainy and dry. And since I am desperately in love with summer, I dedicated a list of things I love about it.

5. The Huge Movie list: This movie list is meant to be a sort-of “reacts” and “ratings” kind of thing because i always love rating the movies that I’ve binge watched.

6. The Moody Playlist: I shuffle my tunes and seek for beautiful tracks and turn them into themed playlist. I think this is perfect if you have a spotify account because you can later on make a legit playlist.

7. Tick it off: This is quite typical tbh: the to-do-list page. The page which makes your journal a bona fide journal. I often times write down my to-do-list with boxes so that i can just tick off when i’m done.

8. Bucket list Version 2.0: Also a classic, you can add a little twist to your bucket list by turning them into sketches instead of the old, lame bullet-ed list sort of thing. Bonus: you can add how old, how you want to look, etc.

9. Thoughts in a Bullet: I do this to write down with ease the bothersome thoughts. I just write it down either in phrases or sentences. Thoughts in a bullet is perfect for calming down and easing the anxiety.

10. The Sunday’s best: Sunday’s best is actually the page i dedicate for when I’m chilling. I practically just let my thoughts wander and write it down in a page. I either make a playlist for sunday, how i want my sunday to be, quick sketches of my bedroom, and tv series i binge-watched that day. Sunday’s best is practically just a chill page and you’re free to do whatever you want to do with it.

11. This Week’s Bake, Blend, Stir and Fry: I honestly just call it that way because it sounds cooler but the gist is that page is meant to be your Recipe of the week sort of thing. If you’re a person with a heart for cooking, then this page is for you.

12. The Featured Pet: I love making this  page because I can actually add my pets in my journal!! I’ll sketch them and describe them and just list down the reasons why I love them. Some of the stuff i write are: name, age of description, color, animal, breed, favorite food, behavior, personality, when it barks, etc!!!

13. Quick Urban Sketches: This journal page idea is something to do when you’re feeling the sun and you want to go outside and bathe yourself with it. You practically just sketch heaps of beautiful buildings, strangers, shrines, etc and paint it using a watercolor (i do it this way, you can do it in your own way too). And then describe it in a short phrase, sentence, or maybe even a paragraph. This is perfect if you’re an outdoor person who loves the sun ~

14. This Week’s Highlights: This is quite similar to favorites of the month however it’s for the week plus it’s not only your favorites. I actually like doing the highlight page because i want to remember all the things that happened to me for the whole time i was having this journal.

15. Dear Elle,: Elle does not exist. I don’t even know anybody with the name Elle. I just dedicate a page for her because I feel like I’m talking to a friend. No, she’s not an imaginary friend. I think the things I write in my dear elle page is mostly directed to me. In dear elle, i write down with all my heart the things that I'am afraid of, my flaws, insecurities, anxiety and I usually just sum it up with a nice positive reminder.

16. The Botanical Garden Dream: Actually this is just a page dedicated for my favorite flowers that I’d love to have and plant in my garden one day. I usually just make this in a garden-looking way so there’s not much words but sketches and doodles. And then i color it using my colored pencils because it’s easier to work with pencils for botanical tbh.

17. 100 Resons to be Happy About: I made this on my first journal (that’s when I was 11) and every time i read it, i still can’t help but smile. This page is a major help for struggling people out there. Honestly, it’s just a page filled with heaps of things i love and i write them down in different sizes, orientation and fonts so that it looks sort of like a mess but not really.

18. *insert TV Series*’s Lessons: I did this on Modern Family and I swear to god this is like the most favorite thing I do about the lesson sort-of thing because I just !! I often times divide it in characters like: Here’s for Haley, Alex, Luke, Phil, etc. And I’ll apply them to myself and it helps out trust me!!

19. 17 Things I’ve Learned Before Turning 17: This is perfect because I can actually look back and see how much I’ve grown. You can do it too but you can use your age instead like if you’re 12 it can be 12 things I’ve learned before turning 12. Something like that.

20. The Dreamy Backpack Adventures: The Dreamy Backpack Adventures is actually just the list of places that I want to visit before I die!! I often times get my inspo from tumblr and do a mini research and write it down on that page too.
21. 10 Things That Make Me Happy: This is quite similar to 100 reasons to be happy about but this time it’s more of a me. I just write this down when I’m totally feeling myself and stuff like that. I got the inspo from the anonymous chain message going on in tumblr so yep.

22. The Ultimate Road Trip Guide: I make this page because I’m one heck of a huge fan of road trips! I often times just make a playlist, write a to-bring-list, make my outfit ideas, and food list kind of thing that i shall do for the whole trip. I also sketch my pillows hehe!

23. Other Versions of Sunshine: I actually made something like this and posted it here, can you remember? It’s just a bunch of lovely little things that remind you of sunshine. I write this down when it’s a sunny saturday and it’s the golden hour (4-5pm).

24. Little Things to be Happy About: I also made this and posted it in here. It’s quite similar to Other Versions of Sunshine but this time, it’s more like a little bit of less descriptive. I suggest making this before doing the Other Versions of Sunshine. This will honestly pump you up a bit.

25. Reminders to Myself: These are cute little positive things that i write down so that i can sort of just read it when I’m having a sad day. I add cute little doodles around too. To make this 10x cuter, i add little animal or cupcake or plant doddle with this bubble reminders and stuff. You can also scan this and post them in tumblr.

26. Sketches: I don’t really think I need to explain this. These are just cute sketches of everything: your house, neighbor’s house, your friends, strangers, etc.

27. The Pressed Flowers & Leaves Page: I’m pretty sure your journal will be a thousand times better if you press some flowers on another book and tape it using washi on your journal. You can dedicate a whole page with captions (what’s the plant, where is it from, when it was picked and pressed, initial color, etc) for your pressed flowers. Perfect for future gift ideas.

28. The Ultimate Picnic Guide: The Ultimate Picnic Guide is also quite similar to The Ultimate Road Trip Guide. I sketch my little cute picnic idea and add colors (using watercolor, still) and then i label it and point it out. Like, the sort of food I will eat, the colors of the blanket, the books I will read, the outfit that i plan to wear, the basket i will bring and stuff. It’s honestly better to sketch it than just write it down. But you can always just do it your way.

29. Paint and Palette Test: I think most artists use a separate sheet of paper for this but honestly the palette test is one of my most favorite thing about painting and making art. I keep it in my journal and test the colors that might match. This is really perfect for future art references and also nice if you’re having an art block + don’t know the heck what you should do. This palette test page could help.

30. A Love Letter: A love letter is sort-of a self-project i made because i love to write letters to people. I will make letters for my friend, my crush, my mom, my dad, and other relatives when i feel the urge to do so. I usually never give them out because well, that’s the sole purpose of writing it- never giving it out. So yeah, a love letter is perfect for when you just want to pour out your feelings over someone and you don’t want them to figure it out. EVER.

31. What I Want To Be: This one is just a goals of the day sort of thing. You can also do it in a goals of the week or month. :-)

32. Things I Love About *your favorite artist*: This can either be a singer, painter, dancer, etc. I honestly just do this to express my love for my faves.

33. The Skin Care Guide: Every time I purchase new things to spice up the softness of my face, I’ll sketch the cute little bottles and facial stuff that i purchase and describe it and write my reviews.

34. The All-time Page (fave books, music, etc): This is a little classic. I basically just write down my all-time favorite books, art, painters, movies, and more.

35. The Book Trip: You can google up some nice book recommendations or from good reads and then you write it down. You could also try to write your expectations and stuff.

36. The Movie Binge: This is quite similar to the Book Trip but this time I write down cute movie recommendations for future binge-watching. Yay!

37. Dear Future/Past Me: I’m not sure if this is classic but I actually like doing this. I wrote a letter for myself 5 years ago and I opened it today and just wow, I was so surprised with how much I’ve grown. So if you practically like those things, you can add this to spice up your journal.

38. Dreamy Date: Practically just a list of things/quality that i want my future significant other to be. Or how my dream date will go. Or just practically the “date a person who..” kind of thing. 

39. To Be Or Not To Be: It’s just a cute list of all the inspirational quotes i gather from everywhere. At times, I’ll sketch the figure/portrait of the person who said it and add a little thought bubble with the quote.

40. The Grocery List: Honestly, I just make a grocery list kind of thing because i love drawing goodies and food!! It’s more of a favorite page kind of thing but this time it’s filled with canned foods. You can also do this in bullet form.

41. The Fashionette 101: In other words: outfit page. This is where I sketch my #ootd or just the outfit inspos i get from tumblr. As you all know, i have a tag #ootd_insp. I sometimes sketch nice outfit ideas from there. 

42. Cut It Out: The Cut it out is page is practically dedicated for magazine cut-outs. I have a lot of old magazines and art books that I’ve finished reading so instead of throwing them, I’ll just cut ‘em and paste on my journal.

43. Little Flaws I love About Me: This is also inspired by the chain anonymous message about loving yourself. You just practically just list down the cute little things you like about yourself.

44. List of Pets and Plants + Name Ideas: This is sort of like a keeping track page for all my pets and plants. I will also sketch and draw them when I feel like it. This is perfect with watercolor, jsyk. :-)

45. The Space Page: The Space Page is one of my most recent page where i just draw a lot of space stuff and all the planets and add cute little facts about it. I sometimes add glitters instead of painting them because planets are fab as heck.

46. Mini-Comic and The Everyday Adventures: Literally just a little comic strip about your everyday encounters. I made a similar one entitled “The Homey Adventures” and you can find it somewhere in my blog. You can divide it in four squares or depends on your own liking.

47. The Brunette and Grainy Pictures: If you have a lot of vintage, european-ish sort of stickers and cute little goodies, you can make a vintage page for that. You can fill it out with nice doodles of buses and pins and stamps, too.

48. Doodle page: This is entirely different from the sketch page because doodle page is a lot more chill and adorable. You can fill up a whole page or just half of it or maybe a quarter and add other sections if you want.

49. Poems: Yep, quite obvious, guys.

50. The “Why I love” Section: Some Why I love suggestions: tea, coffee, ice cream, your dog, color, food, etc. You can add a lot of details and images because the more detailed the better honestly.

Daddy Tip #2

As an experienced daddy dom I’ve had the chance to get close to quite a few littles, and unfortunately have heard a lot of examples of ways they should NOT have ever been treated from past daddies.

The Dd/lg bond is a very special one that needs to be handled differently than most relationships. Many littles are quite sensitive and the small things you do (or don’t do) can have a very big impact on their feelings. The best daddies will do everything they can to lift their littles up wherever they can (and I don’t just mean physically!) so I wanted to put this out there and share my experiences with others.

In this series I cover many tips I think that every daddy should know, and it’d also be great if other daddies could share theirs with me as well. Some of the things I share might seem obvious, but this is only a sign that you’re likely already a pretty good daddy yourself.

Littles are also encouraged to share these tips with their daddies or simply reblog them to spread more awareness, hopefully resulting in more happy littles and couples!

Finally, regardless of the pronouns and titles I use, most of these tips will apply to all Cg/L relationships.

So without further ado, here’s tip #2:

Daddy Tip #2: Ease Them Out Of Little Space Slowly

Remember how precious and important Little Space is to your little. Little Space is a state where they can feel comfortable, carefree, and secure. They can be the truest form of themselves and are not as focused on all the stresses of modern life.

If for some reason they need to come out of little space for a little while, it’s very important you don’t yank them out of it suddenly, regardless of how impatient you may feel. I have made this mistake myself, and I didn’t realize at the time that it was one of the meanest things I could’ve possibly done to my little.

Avoid phrases like “Grow up” or “Quit acting like a child, now’s not the time.” Remember that this is who littles are. Statements like these tell you’re little you’re not happy with an innate part of their personality, and it’s somehow wrong or bad. Use gentler words or actions to and remind your little of all the fun you’ll get to have later, or when you get back home.

Finally, only bring your little out of little space as much as you need to. Little space generally isn’t like an on / off switch. It’s a spectrum. By only easing them out as far as necessary, it will be easier and quicker for them to get back into a greater degree of little space later on.



If you happen to see this Taylor, thank you for October 13 2017 and thank you for all the ways in which you inspire me every single day. Thank you for wanting me there to hear the album and for wanting to meet me. It’s honestly one of the kindest things anyone’s ever done for me. I don’t know why you wanted to meet me, I just know I’ll be eternally grateful. I hope you know how thankful I am, Taylor, and how much I love you. Thank you for holding my hands because I was shaking and sharing how your music helps me. Thank you for listening to my rambles. Thank you for caring so much about your fans. Thank you for being the kind of artist and person who’s on first name basis with your fans. Thank you for bringing so many wonderful people into my life. Thank you for this and so much more.

I’m so happy you’re so happy! Seeing you literally glowing and being so confident was such a beautiful reminder that happiness and confidence truly are the most beautiful things you can wear.  You remind me to be kind to myself, and for that I´m so immensely thankful. Meeting you has made me realise that I want to learn how to be a stronger and more confident person. Thank you for being YOU.

I love you so much!

Your rambling friend and sparkling nail polish twin,


August 21st, 2017.

It made me smile that there is a solar eclipse today, because a solar eclipse somehow reminds me of Khadgar and Peregrïn. She compares him to the sun, and she is of course connected to the night/moon. So it sounds nice, meaningful even~ So I had to mark the occasion with a sketch ! 💜

Taylor, I hope you stumble upon this post somehow. There are no words to express how thankful I am for you inviting me to your Secret Session in London. THANK YOU A BILLION TIMES. I also want to thank you for how meeting you has helped me, and here´s two reasons why. The following paragraphs are not meant to be a sob story. I just want to thank you for ways in which meeting you has helped me want to grow as a person.

When we met I told you how I struggle with anxiety and how your music helps me. Yes, I might have posted about my anxiety on here before, but you´re one of the first people I´ve admitted that to, face-to-face. And being able to tell you that (though in a nervously rambling way ;)) made me realize that it´s okay to be more open about struggles like that. I´ve told a few more people since coming back home, and I´ve reached out to get professional help from someone I can talk to on a regular basis. Thank you for (yet again) reminding me that there´s strength in being honest.

I´ve never been a confident person, and I still cannot wrap my head around you wanting to meet me. Getting invited to your Secret Session in London is one of the nicest things anyone´s ever done for me. I still cannot believe you wanted to meet ME. And the fact that you did, is such a confidence boost. THANK YOU! It´s also a reminder to myself that I really want to work on being more confident. I want to fully realize that you wanted to meet me because I´m ME. And seeing you literally glowing and being so confident was such a beautiful reminder that happiness and confidence truly are the most beautiful things you can wear.  You remind me to be kind to myself, and for that I´m so immensely thankful. Meeting you was obviously also such a beautiful reminder that there´s no dream too big!! Meeting you has made me realize that I want to learn how to be a stronger and more confident person. What I´m trying to say is; THANK YOU. Thank you for always being such an amazing inspiration to me. Thank you for inviting me and trusting me. Thank you for being YOU. I´m eternally grateful.

If we ever meet again one day, I hope you´ll see a less nervously rambling mess and a more confident me. In the mean time, I would love for you to meet lovelies who haven´t had the pleasure of meeting you yet. Cannot wait to see you on tour!!

Yes, I cried like a baby, typing this.

I love you so so much!

Your sparkling nail polish twin and rambling Norwegian friend,


So I made a confession on here around June about a guy I met at school and how I drove a hour to see him when the semester ended and then he ghosted me and I cried over it. Well now that school has started again he’s came back into my life. He’s been hitting me up to chill when we’re both available and I’ll admit I was happy and willing cause I genuinely do like him, he reminds me of myself so much. With that being said I was ok with us being friends and not doing the whole “talking” thing again. But he sort of brought it back up. And told me he couldn’t give me the right energy before so things went dead. And when we were together one time he started squeezing my thigh but even after all this time of us talking before and now hanging out again we still have yet to even kiss. I can tell he’s the conservative type of guy. But im wondering if I should take that step and push for us to take it to the next step or should I just continue to play it cool because a part of me will feel stupid If I come off as pushy towards him and it makes him become distant towards me again.. what do yall think?

I’m not one to get too sappy over The Killers these days partly because I haven’t bonded as well with Wonderful Wonderful as I have with all of their previous records, and partly because my depression is worse than it’s ever been and it’s just hindering my ability to bond with much of anything. What I will say though is that this tour has brought me so much happiness. I was lucky enough to attend six Killers concerts over the past month, each as exciting as the last. It’s all I’ve had to smile about recently, it feels like, and boy has it made me smile. It’s reminded me what it feels like to be happy. To actually be able to separate myself from my inhibitions and from the things that haunt me from the second I wake up in the morning until the second I put my head to my pillow at night and then some.

I got to hear my favourite Killers song live, Be Still, one that I never thought I’d get to hear. I got to hear treats like Believe Me Natalie, Andy You’re a Star, I Can’t Stay, This River Is Wild, Exitlude. Strangely, I cried every time they played Runaways even though I’ve never had any particular emotional attachment to that song before. I’ve danced, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and I’ve screamed and shouted along to lyrics that have served as crutches for me more often than I’d like to admit and I’m so very thankful for this experience. 13 TK concerts later and I’m still blown away by how incredible they can make you feel in a room shared with 20,000+ people.

I put my ear to the shell, and I heard the ocean for a little bit, and it’s meant the world to me. Thank you.

Desire - Baekhyun Part 2/2

Originally posted by osehu

Part 1

Warnings: Borderline Smut. 


It’s been two weeks since the incident at the library with Professor Byun. I had told Eun Chae what happened immediately afterwards. She was more hyped than I was, or so it seemed.

I had accepted the fact that Professor Byun made me feel things, since the first day at the library. That was no secret since he knows he affects me anyway, and I can just tell he loves it, but I have already told myself that I wouldn’t give into him… I know what he is like, and I refuse to be like the rest of the girls from before. Either way, I need to focus on my work anyway, that is what’s most important. This feeling I have right now will fade soon enough.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

sometimes I get really annoyed at how much I adore dnp and am just like why am I wasting my life away with this, but other times I get so... warm and affectionate towards them. they really are so great and I just want them to be just as happy as they've made me

i think the stigma around liking certain things is always so sad but i feed into it as well. the fact that ppl can judge you for things that makes you genuinely happy is weird.. it’s not wasting your life if you feel happy. but i love dan and phil and i love seeing them happy and sometimes i jus gotta remind myself of that

EXO(OT12) - Reaction to You Having a Panic Attack

Minseok knew about your history with anxiety but he had never seen one of your panic attacks first hand. When you started to lose control of your breathing he pulled you close to him and lifted your chin so your eyes would meet his. “Hey Y/N, it is alright. I am here. Just breathe, please breathe.” He tried to hide the panic that overcame him in his own face.

He didn’t know what triggered it, but as soon as he noticed how tense you became and how sweat had formed on your brow he needed to make it better. “Tell me what you need Y/N.” He would guide you gently to a place where you could sit and he would rub your back and softly console you.

The sudden paranoia that something bad was going to happen when you were waiting to board the plane with Kris. When you tightened your grip on his hand, he noticed how pale you had become. You felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest. “Y/N, is it happening again?” He knew that you had a fear of plane crashes and that sometimes it got the best of you. You nodded and looked down trying to steady yourself. He took your face in his hands and placed his forehead against yours. “Nothing is going to happen; this is the best company there is. I even looked up how well they upkeep the machinery. Just focus on me, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

He usually thought of you as a strong and fierce person, but when he saw you look so fragile it broke his heart. You had started crying and hyperventilating. He tried to ask you what was wrong but your words were broken and breathy. You stumbled into his arms and he wrapped them around you, as if he could form a wall to protect you from anything that would cause you this much panic. He whispered reassurances into your ear and eventually your breathing slowed and the tears stopped falling. He held you for a long time after, not wanting to let you go.

The large crowd that suddenly enveloped your boyfriend and you took your anxiety over the edge. You were usually prepared for this sort of thing when you went outside with Yixing but this time it was overwhelming. Even though he shouldn’t risk getting hurt he still made sure to wrap his arms around you to create an extra barrier other than his own security guards. He noticed how your face went white and you mentioned how you didn’t feel well. It broke his heart to know there was nothing he could do to change this situation due to his popularity. You nuzzled into his shoulder but continued to walk until you got to your destination. He kissed your forehead and apologized for the situation. You told him it wasn’t his fault but clung to him till you felt better.

Baekhyun was awoken by the ear shattering scream that escaped your throat. He immediately tried to coax you out of the nightmare that you seemed to be having. You woke up clenching your chest with the feeling that your throat was closing in on itself. You tried to speak but no sounds were coming out. Knowing how terrified you must be feeling, Baek pulled you close and rocked you back and forth trying to stop the episode.

You felt the familiar pain rise in your chest and your ears started ringing. The world seemed to be falling back on itself, but luckily Jongdae was there with you. Last time you were alone and he received a call from work that you were sent home due to the sudden panic attack. He knew stress was the problem, but you had told him that you were dealing with everything just fine. You were sitting on the couch reviewing information for a presentation but nothing seemed to be going right and you lost control. According to your boss, everything had to go perfectly, and as of now it was going to be a train wreck. You didn’t think you were crying but you felt the tears on your skin. He sat down with you and brought you into his chest. When you started to feel better again he offered to help you with the presentation until you felt confident with it. He even made you food since you had been skipping meals to work on it.

You had recently heard some upsetting news but tried to push it to the back of your mind. But that didn’t last forever, the stress caught up to you all at once. Your whole body became numb and the world became a blur. Chanyeol noticed the look of confusion on your face and how you didn’t seem stable. He grabbed your shoulders, “Jagiya, what is going on? Can you hear me?” When you didn’t show any response he just stood there and held you. Knowing that if he wasn’t able to help, he could at least be there with you.

Soo thought it would be a great idea to invite you to walk the carpet for the premier of his new film with him, arm in arm. You were excited and honored that he was proud to show you off to the world. As you both stepped into the limo, the nerves you had been fighting suddenly overflowed. You felt dizzy and your limbs started to tingle. “I don’t know if I can do this Soo.” He looked over at you trying to hide the concern he felt. He was worried that it would be too much for you, but recently you had been getting better with your social anxiety. “If you want we can turn around and I can come by myself.” You couldn’t, he was overjoyed about you coming and you weren’t going to let your anxiety beat you today. “No, it will be okay, just give me a few minutes to calm down.” He took your hand and kissed it, then smiled up at you. “Take as long as you need. I’ll be holding your hand the whole time.” Then he got close to your ear, “By the way, you look stunning.”

Tao came home from a day at the studio to find you right in the middle of a panic attack. At this point you had situated yourself on the couch leaning forward with your head in your hands. He rushed over to sit next to you, gently rubbing your back. When you sat up and wrapped your arms around his neck, he lifted you up and took you to your bed. “Just relax, I’ll handle dinner.” He gave you a sweet kiss and covered you up before he left to make some food.

You had a few bad incidents with animals when you were younger and when you finally met Jongin’s dogs, although they were harmless, you felt like something bad was going to happen. Flashbacks passed through your mind as your heart began to race. He knew about these incidents, and when you froze up all he wanted to do was make everything okay. He put the dogs in a room until you calmed down and felt ready to meet them. He made sure that you wouldn’t feel threatened by taking them out individually and holding them in his arms while you pet them. After they were all back in the other room, he took you into his arms letting you know that he  would never let you near them if he thought they would cause you harm.

You had been walking around the city when you spotted something that triggered a panic attack. You felt the world begin to spin and stopped walking. “Sehun, I’m not feeling to well right now.” He led you over to a bench and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, you leaning into him. He gently kissed your forehead and just kept talking to you, reminding you of things that you liked and made you happy. Trying to drown out the outside world so all you heard was him. You closed your eyes and only focused on his voice, which always calmed you down with its deep and beautiful sound.

This was a request. I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks myself and know that they can be brought on by stress or nothing at all. I tried to do this with multiple causes and symptoms. I hope you like it.


anonymous asked:

Scenario where Yuri P. makes a love confession to his crush :3

// I was feeling a little creative, so I made this into a monologue kind of thing! One could also see it as a love-letter :3

Hey, (N).

Y’know, sometimes I get home in the afternoon after practice and throw myself onto my couch. My cat comes running and jumps into my lap, yearning for some affection. Kind of reminds me how I feel about you. Every day, in that exact scenario my mind wanders to you. It’s my cat’s eyes you see, they remind me of yours. They sparkle and glisten with happiness when they’re excited. Do you make those eyes when you see me? Perhaps even think of me?

You make me smile. I know, quite the honour, right? You know I don’t smile much…because there’s not all too much to smile about lately. I’ve been feeling a bit down- the pressure of the skating competitions and those dumbasses Viktor and Yuuri have really gotten to me. But your company makes me feel at ease…ugh, I hate these soppy things. They’re kind of true, though.

I guess I do really like you. You’re always there for me: remember that time you hung around for two more hours at training to wait for me when Lila was in a bad mood and practically wanted to train me to death? Yeah, that was really awesome of you. After that, I treated you to some home made piroske I made the evening and you said you loved them….c’mon (N), Otabek practically puked after trying some- did you fib just to make me feel good? If so, you’re an idiot. A friendly, kind and adorable idiot.

I’m telling you this without facing you directly, which kind of sucks because I want to see if you’re smiling. I hope you are, because your smile is kind of cute. And you’ll never be seeing this kind of thing EVER again. OKAY?

I needed to get this off my chest, that’s all. 

My stepmother told me that heartbreak feels like quitting cigarettes. They become a habit then an addiction, and when someone walks away it’s like you’re left with the smell of nicotine all over you and the lighter in your pocket but nothing to put inbetween your lips. I’ve felt like that ever since you walked away, like I have this happiness and potential to be fine without you because I know you weren’t good for me anymore, but sometimes I crave you so fucking badly I reach for my phone to call you, almost like relapsing and nearly buying a pack. But I don’t. Instead, ironically I replace the want for you with anything that kills me from the inside. Like taking too many shots because I know it’ll burn and make me forget an entire night, or habitually chain smoking not because I crave the nicotine, but because it makes me lightheaded and focus on something other than the feeling of my insides being ripped out of me. Last weekend I smoked so much I felt the world spinning, and suddenly I imagined you in bed with her while I was knocking on your door and I couldn’t tell if I wanted to rip my face off or just smoke more until nothing felt real.
It’s all just so exhausting. I have to learn how to live without you. I have to do everything I once did all over again, torturously knowing you’re not a phone call away or by my side. Like my stepmother said, she had to re do everything without taking her smoke breaks. I can’t tell if coffee in the morning without a cigarette for her felt worse than I do when I wake up alone or check my phone to see no trace of you. She sat in her room in early mornings itching to light up, but chewed gum instead, much like how I stay up until 3 am, scared to sleep because of the nightmares, while twirling a razor blade between my finger tips contemplating whether to just make myself fucking bleed.
You always hated when I smoked. It reminded you of an old me, the sad girl with the tired eyes who sat at the bottom of her shower with the water burning her skin with blood flowing down the drain. You never knew that girl too well, I never wanted you to. Yet here I am, putting the thing that kills me in between my lips that you said you wouldn’t mind kissing forever, and lighting up just to try and erase every look you ever gave me, every kiss that made me addicted to you, and all the happiness you gave me, only to rip it right out of my hands all over again.
—  I don’t know myself anymore
The Life You Deserve - Part 8

Pairing: Dean x Reader, OMC!Ryan x Reader
Summary: The reader decides it’s time to talk to Dean and things don’t quite go as planned.
Word Count: 1300
Warnings: language, angst, longing, misunderstandings
A/N:  Beta’d by @nighttimenoodle
Previous Parts: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4  Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

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When I’m dancing is the only time I don’t need to remind myself to smile. It just happens naturally.

Last Friday, first thing in the morning, my boy came home to me! It was a blessing!

I’m so happy he’s happy!

As Simple As A Change Of Heart

Summary: Asexual!Dan is afraid of telling Phil about his attraction (or lack thereof), because of bad experiences in the past. He just wants a chance of happiness like everybody else, without being reminded of how abnormal he is. 

Genre: Fluff, AU

Word Count: 1.6K

TW: Aphobia 

A/N:  I watched Evan Edinger’s new video the other day, and it made me bawl my eyes out. Here’s a little thing I wrote in order to try and make myself, and everybody else who ever felt broken because of their sexuality, feel a little better.

Disclaimer and all that jazz: This is just one take on asexuality, it’s an entire spectrum, so I had quite a lot of room to play around with. Basically, not every asexual person feels like Dan does in this story. Which doesn’t make them any less asexual (or any less awesome).

I wrote this in a few hours, so apologies for any mistakes.

Read on AO3: X

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hey folks. these past few days have been shit to me to say the very least. I’m tired and done and I’m begging the universe or God or someone out there to just give me a break. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. there are no tears left. I’ve never talked about faith on here, but I just feel like I don’t know if anyone’s listening anymore. and tbh, I don’t know if I even deserve to be listened to.

We all make mistakes, I know. I’ve made a lot of them. And today won’t be the first or last time that I make them. But sometimes I just wish things were different.

Maybe one day this will all seem like a distant memory. Someday maybe I’ll forgive myself for everything, for all of it. But I do not forgive myself today. And that’s okay.

So here’s your reminder that sometimes our best is all that we have. All we can hope for tomorrow is not “great” or “happy”, but instead “better”. Here’s to a better day. Here’s to trying. If I can try, so can you.

Embroidery Starter Tutorial

@ridewithblurryface asked for a little tutorial, so I’m going to give this a shot and make one (with a bit of silliness) —

The most expensive any hobby will ever be is at the start, and the great thing about embroidery and other needlecraft arts is that they are a pretty cheap hobby. 


Here are the tools I use on a regular basis:

  • embroidery floss: your paint, usually less than 50¢ each
  • aida cloth: this is what I use, but any fabric, within limits, will do
  • bamboo hoop: this one is 5″ diameter, but you can get them from 3″ to 10″, plastic hoops work too
  • compass: like all the perfect circles I make for my sunsets? that’s thanks to this guy right here. make sure the large joint (connecting the opposite end of the pointy bits) is relatively tight, so the compass won’t slip larger as you’re drawing
  • the threader things: ?? the things you use to pull the thread through the eye of the needle. threaders. (gah, fine i’ll google it …. post-google: wow they are really called needle threaders.)
  • lol i don’t know any of the names and google did not help but this thing is so useful for when i just mess up a lil bit. *linda belcher voice* lil bit. EDIT: @missjoat let me know that this is called a stitch ripper! what a name.
  • embroidery needles: no really, that is their name. next to the tapestry and quilting needles.
  • pencil: for sketching your image, preferably mechanical so that you don’t have to sharpen it
  • white eraser: for when you royally mess up sketching your image, and you need it to be white if you’ll be using white fabric all the time
  • scissors: ONLY FOR THREAD, don’t use them for anything else unless you want rough floss ends (nobody wants rough floss ends)

All that? 20-30 bucks, and the only things you’ll need to restock regularly are the hoops ($1-2 each), the floss (39¢ each at my local craft shop), and the cloth ($3.50 per roll, ~3-5 projects). And needle threaders, ugh. I think I go through about a pack of 3 per month, but they only cost $2 for a pack. Don’t get a fancy one because you WILL be replacing it. 

If you have a local craft shop, just go to the needlework section and you will find all* of this stuffprobably next to all the yarn. 

*except maybe the compass; for that, go to the drawing section


So about your embroidery floss, your paint. You know how paint is stored in those handy, sealable tubes? Ok, imagine if when you bought your paint, it was in a plastic sandwich baggie. Pretty inconvenient, right? Yeah, that’s how embroidery floss is packaged. Two little pieces of paper, wrapped in a tube around the gently bundled floss. Totally impractical for storage. That same section where you bought your tools will have storage options. I use these guys:

(guest starring my very fluffy cat, Basil Mae)

When I started, I didn’t label the color ID numbers on the holder, and man do I regret it. I have good eyes for color, so if I just take the color I need with me to the store, I can find it again, but WOW it would have been so much easier to have just labeled their number right from the get-go. 

I have never regretted owning so many colors of embroidery floss. Never. If I could, I would buy three of each color available.


Don’t start with something difficult. Please don’t. Your first few projects will be for you to just figure out the craft - and that is good! But if you try to challenge yourself too much with that first one, you might end up frustrated and unwilling to try again. 

This is my very first embroidery project:

(Don’t get me wrong, I love it! But it is simple and basic.)

Also, don’t be afraid to trace. In fact, I encourage it. Unless you can find a nice pattern to use, you’ll be making your own patterns (like I do!). I have to remind myself all the time that my skills aren’t in drawing, they are in stitching. It’s okay to use ‘unsavory’ methods to help my end product look as good as it does. (I say this because I really struggled with tracing for a long time. I thought it made me a bad artist and crafter. But the exactness of my projects are what make me especially happy, so I just said screw the haters and start off with tracing now.)

It is unlikely you’ll be able to trace the whole thing anyway. I use the bamboo hoop and pencil to size the edges of the total area, then gently tape the cloth to my computer. I get the image in place behind the cloth, turn up the brightness as high as it goes, and outline the parts that are definite. Because the fabric will shift a little bit, try not to copy everything; the positions of details will be close to impossible to mark during the trace stage, especially if you’re using thick cloth. Here’s a current project I’m working on (oh god it’s such a beast), and how it looked after the initial trace:

As you can see, I have major shapes outlined, but very little detail. After I’ve traced enough, I put the cloth back on the hoop, and fill in the details to the best of my ability. Here’s what it looks like when I’ve finished penciling:

Honestly? This still isn’t good enough with details - lines aren’t as straight as they need to be, some little parts are out of place or sized wrong, but at some point, you have to stop with your pencil. If you don’t, you’ll end up with a greyish fabric from all the erasing, and it will be difficult to see what you need to stitch versus the errors. 

(This project isn’t finished yet - I’ve only just started stitching, but you’ll see the end result soon enough.)

Take your time stitching. It’s the best part. It’s the reason embroidery makes me so happy, because the action of stitching is so repetitive and simple, but over time you have this amazing work of patience and detail. It’s nice to be able to stitch while you listen to some tunes or TV. I have watched so many seasons of procedural crime dramas while I stitch. It’s what I do with my evenings and I love it. I struggle to just watch TV these days - I always want to be stitching!!

If you mess up, that’s okay! Either gently pull the thread back out, or get out one of your “i fucked up” tools. Sometimes, you are going to really fuck up, and you’ll need to start over. This Steve face was actually the 2.0 version. THAT was upsetting and I was pretty grumpy for a solid hour, but I’m so happy I restarted. It looks so much better, and I learned from my mistakes in the 1.0 version.

Alright, I am sure I didn’t cover everything, so as always, you can feel free to send me an ask and I am so happy to help. If you make anything, please feel free to tag me or send me a message about it. 

More Helpful Tips

Shance feat. Past Garrison Klance
  • ·         Shiro and Lance gets together during Voltron
  • ·         Sometimes Shiro swears that he’s met Lance before but then his memories are all jumbled up after he was held captive by the Galra
  • ·         So he didn’t bother to figure things out but whenever he does it, he could have let it slide when neither Keith nor Lance is in the same room because they are all still acting calm at the sound of it
  • ·         but when they are, they get all fidgety and stuff which Shiro caught on to(but why is Keith reacting to this too???) but didn’t think much of it at first
  • ·         Shiro thought that the blue and red paladins are bonding well over time when he finds out that they start to have so much similarities such as their opinions in things and he was proud of them
  • ·         But little did he know, their bond has always been there and was actually really strong because it was built long before that ;)
  • ·         Then on one mission, Keith somehow almost got himself killed but luckily got out of it alive
  • ·         Though he was chewed out by Lance when they got back to the castle and that’s where the drama begins
  • ·         Shiro walked in on them at each other’s throats and tried to separate the two
  • ·         But following the heat of the moment, Shiro heard Lance shouting something at Keith like “You could have been killed-I still do care about you” somewhere along the lines and instead of stopping them, Shiro walked away when Lance turned to the black paladin
  • ·         Lance figured that Shiro must have misunderstood the situation
  • ·         So when Lance attempted to talk it out with Shiro, it turns out to be an argument between the lovers
  • ·         And finally, Lance revealed the truth on the spot
  • ·         Let’s say that Keith and the others were there and because of that, he took the opportunity to tell them as well
  • ·         Lance explained that Keith and him were already going out back at the Garrison, even while Shiro was in the picture
  • ·         Him and Shiro were actually very close because sometimes, they just start talking whenever they encounter the other randomly while Keith isn’t there and  Shiro would act all mother hen over Keith but he and Lance end up bonding over the mullet-boy and other things they share interest in or Lance turns out to be a fan of Garrison’s golden boy and Shiro felt the need to protect these two young cadets’ relationship because they are just so p r e c i o u s
  • ·         From there, Keith intervened and included himself into the conversation, adding details outside of the current lovers’ knowledge
  • ·         Little did anyone know, Shiro starts to develop a crush on the Cuban boy as well but kept quiet about it
  • ·         Until the day of the Kerberos mission launch and Shiro did tell Keith, but without much indication other than just wanting to tell Keith about his feelings towards Lance
  • ·         Keith was also told that Lance doesn’t know about it so he didn’t really bother to do anything about it as well
  • ·         Then Kerberos failed, Shiro was announced dead and things went kind of downhill from there and Keith got kicked out, leaving Lance alone with hopes that Lance will also start to hate him for ditching him without a word
  • ·         Well, Lance did but it took him long to learn to accept things although he partially still cares and worries about his missing ex-lover up until that night when Shiro’s pod landed on Earth
  • ·         Keith meant to keep up with his behavior and told Lance he can’t remember him when they were trying to haul Shiro out that night (from season 1, episode 1) because he’s a quiznaking stubborn lil shit 
  • ·         Lance and Keith then talked things out before they went out in search of the Blue Lion but with the decision to keep their past relationship undiscovered
  • ·         Because Shiro doesn’t need to know about the negative outcome of the relationship he was more than approve of and have tried to protect so much
  • ·         And whatever the cause of Keith’s abandonment of the blue paladin was, Lance was hurt by Keith and nothing can really be changed because he had lost too much in too short span of time and the scar is still there to haunt him even after all that time left for him to heal
  • ·         Finally, the two concluded that they have been nothing more than just teammates since then and assured Shiro that they are only keeping up with their rivalry, which has always been there even when they were dating before because you could say they were more destined to be competitive soul mates
  • ·         For extra doses of drama and angst, Keith still feels guilty for what he’s done before and actually still has a little soft spot left deep in his heart for the blue paladin
  • ·         And boy, I want him to talk about it with Shiro and hint a lot of things to the black paladin about things Lance likes and stuff (it would be cool too if this happens before the revelation which piques on not only Shiro but maybe also Pidge and Hunk’s curiosity like “Keith?? How did you know about this??” “This actually ticks Lance???” Which kind of indicates that Keith was a good boyfriend~)
  • ·         Also, Keith asking for Shiro and Lance each to take care of their partners because he cares for them deeply no matter what and wants the best for their happiness ;~;

Yes, no. yeah.., I made myself upset over this. Reminder: I’m not a writer so there’ll not be a fic for this~ Also, I mean no harm to any ships or shippers involved~ Oh, English is not my first language~

I have always had this in mind; where Keith is sometimes involved with Shiro and Lance’s relationship and this is one of them other than just Keith having a crush on Lance. I think there’s even one where I made everyone sign up for a Lance fanclub because Pidge, Hunk and Keith all have gone through that phase where they have a crush on Lance XD but well, it’s Shance so, you know what happens. 

I’m also a scatterbrain, so please don’t expect me to understand what I’m writing here myself XD but I’ll explain anything that’s confusing to yall.


anonymous asked:

do you or your followers have any tips for coping with flashbacks?<3

hey friend!! i do have some that help me sometimes! i experience emotional flashbacks the most so that’s what my experience is based on, and many of these are best after the flashbacks i guess? you can of course change them up to fit you!

- my therapist told me this one and i haven’t actually tried it myself yet, but this is specifically during the flashback. basically you sit on a chair that has armrests, grip them tightly and place your feet on the ground. use the feeling of the armrests and the floor under your feet to remind yourself that you’re not back there, you’re safe in present time

- stuffed animals help me a lot in general. you can have multiple or just one and name it/them! they’re good for holding and talking to

- my trauma is rooted in my childhood so for me it helps to find things that made me happy as a child. so yeah, stuffed animals, but also movies and cartoons that i liked. some or even all of them can be triggering of course, so be careful of what you choose to watch!!
   - if you don’t remember what you used to like or they are all too triggering etc, just watch any kids’ tv shows or movies that seem fun to you. i know that for me flashbacks can make me feel unsafe and inconsolable and entertainment made for kids is, imo, one of the best distractions for that bc they’re so light and trustworthy and comforting (in the sense that you know you won’t get jumpscared or be freaked out by it). i highly recommend Kim Possible tbh

- if you can, talk to a friend or even a stranger. you don’t have to talk about the flashback at all if you don’t want to, just start a chat! you could send your friend a meme or send a random blogger a nice ask and see how they react. it usually makes me feel less alone and also happy that i made someone else laugh or smile!

- music!! happy music!! kpop music videos are great because they usually have cool choreographies that make you want to keep watching and so they’re a great distraction. although sometimes fast-paced songs can make you uneasy and anxious, in which case find some mellow music. movie soundtracks are cool

- a self help masterpost, grounding techniques for trauma survivors, calming masterpost

hope these help!! if anyone has anything to add, go ahead! remember that i’m not a professional and the advice that came from me is based on my own experiences!