i made this specially for you

Yours, Unfaithfully [Chapter 5]

Originally posted by got7-ijb-imjaebum

Chapter 5 of Yours, Unfaithfully

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4


Jaebum felt the room spin as he tried to grasp what Jackson was telling him. He didn’t love you. Not like Jaebum did.

“But the real reason I wanted to talk to you was that I want to know if you’d be my best man? You’re my best friend and I know how much you mean to Y/N. Honestly, there’s no one else in the world I’d want there with me”.

Jaebum felt nauseous. He WAS special to you. The most special person in your life. To have to stand right next to Jackson as he married the love of his life was the worst scenario he could ever imagine. But Jackson was his best friend. He was his first real friend. He was always there for him no matter what. How could he turn his back on him?

The promise he made you about tonight suddenly floated to the from of his mind… along with another vital piece of information, no one but him knew about yet. Not even you.

“JB… did you hear me? Will you?”


Jaebum fiddled with the small box he had tucked away in the center compartment of his car for some months now.

Waiting for 25. His new favorite number. 25 meant being with you the way he wanted. 25 meant asking your father’s permission to put this ring on your finger and love you the way you deserved for the entirety of both your lives.

Keep reading

  • Inojin: Sarada?
  • Sarada: Yeah?
  • Inojin: Do you think the Uchihas have fire as their speciality... because they're so hot?
  • Sarada: (blushing) Shut up!
  • Inojin: Heh. (proud he made her lose her cool)
  • Sarada: (recovers) Wait... (smirks) you think my dad is hot?
  • Inojin: ...I've walked right into that one.
I’ve Made a Mistake (Ch. 4)

Ieyasu/ MC

It’s back! Special thanks to coffee for making this all possible <3 Couldn’t do it without the caffeine. 

I hope you like this chapter, it is definitely silly and light-hearted, which is what I wanted.


His lips seemed unnaturally warm and MC really didn’t understand why she didn’t pull away, honestly she should have right? But she didn’t.

A beat passed and then another.

Ieyasu’s hands rested on her hips, holding her in place against him. MC couldn’t the thrill of electricity that passed through her at his touch.

Finally it hit her. What was she doing? She should not be doing this.

She yanked away, staring at him with wide eyes.

“What the hell, Ieyasu?” Her delivery was not near as indignant as she hoped it would be, coming off much more breathy and interested than she had planned.

His lips had felt…so good. MC cursed her own weakness. She knew better than this. He was her douchebag roommate, dammit! She couldn’t just kiss him, or let him kiss her or-

Oh, he was kissing her again. This time MC could help trailing her hands into his hair, pressing herself against him. She might as well enjoy this opportunity while it lasted, right? It was not every day that an attractive, vaguely evil genius was actively trying to kiss her.

He nipped her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth. His tongue sought hers in a battle that she wasn’t willing to lose in.

Finally when the problem of breathing arose they pulled apart. She stared at him, eyes wide and panting. What the hell. He was watching her, his copper eyes drawing her back to his face, to his lips.

He was a better kisser than she expected.

“Oh jeez.” She breathed. “What are we doing?”

“What does it look like?” His cheeks were tinted pink. Cute “Unless you’re telling me that you are so ignorant of the world, stupid girl.”

“Don’t you think it is rude to call a girl you just kissed stupid, what does it say about you?” Her comment was nonchalant, lazy almost. Like she wasn’t as concerned about his response as she should have been. 

“It says I’m bored, but you’ll do.”  His eyes were cool, and MC pulled away, glaring at him. Her blood ran hot and then cold. 

So he was using her. 

Of course it could never be easy.

Pride would not allow that slight.

“Well then.” She gripped his arms, going to tug them off of her thighs,noting the look of surprise that crossed his face. “If you’re bored, and that’s the only reason. You can find someone else to make out with.”

“MC-” He stared, but she only shook her head, slamming the door to her room behind her.

Who did he think he was, talking to her like that? 

She rested her head on the cool surface of her desk.

He was too good of a kisser for that attitude. 


“Things are…tense.”  MC massaged her temples, glancing over at her companion. “But really, can you blame me?”  She relaxed on the worn couch, looking up at the ceiling. “What do you think about all this? I could use another opinion.”

“I think it is stupid.” The stoic voice cut through her thoughts. She leaned her head over to look at her companion. “And you need to focus on more important things.”

“Aw, Hanbei, you always give me such good advice.”  MC let out a dry laugh, shaking her head. “Such a ball of sunshine.”

“Hanbei is our ball of sunshine.” as if on cue, Hideyoshi appeared, plopping on the couch by MC. “But you sound like you’re in a predicament.”

“Oh hideyoshi, you have no idea.” MC cried, falling back against him. “It’s just…so weird.”

“Is he being weird, or are you being weird?”

“What?” MC was brought to pause. Was Ieyasu being weird? He was the same cold-hearted person as ever, perhaps a little less talkative, but he hadn’t seemed vengeful, or even passive aggressive. If anything he was giving her space.

Now about herself, she had barely been home, and when she was she was in her room, or escaping the living room when he walked in.

Oh goodness.

She was the one being weird.

“Oh no, Hideyooooshi.” She groaned. “Its me, I am being weird.”

“Sorry dear, you are being weird.” He tugged on MC’s cheek, a grin on his face. “Now what are you going to do about it?”

“Umm…” MC frowned. What was she going to do about it? “I guess I should go home and….talk to him?”

“There we go! That is a good idea.” He winked at her ash she pushed his shoulder.

“You’re so lame Hideyoshi.”

“At least I’m not the weird one here.”

“Whatever!” MC hopped up, walking to the door. “If you see the puppy, tell him I stopped by.”

“I’ll see him” Hideyoshi’s voice was sing song. “I’ll tell him to call you later, okay?”

“Perfect.”


How to make it up to Ieyasu.

MC pouted, looking around the empty apartment. He wouldn’t get out of his clinicals for another hour or two so…what now?

The house was already clean, so she couldn’t do that. Not that she was a particularly tidy person anyways.

She really was only truly good at one domestic task.

Cooking.

But how to get him to eat her food?

After that first night she rarely stepping into the kitchen to cook if he was around.

But she was going to make him something, and he was going to eat it.

Suddenly, an idea. A grin spread across her face. A good idea.

She grabbed a bag, gathering up all of his health food.

How to get a prickly person like him to try her food? Give him no other option!


When Ieyasu returned home, the most obvious difference was the scent, a delicious aroma wafted in from his kitchen, it made his stomach growl, which only made him irritable.

That stupid woman was probably making a mess. HIs eyes sought her out, surprise on his face for only a moment when she turned and grinned at him.

“Ah, you’re back Ieyasu?” She turned, shrugging her shoulders. “I made dinner.”

“I thought I already told you that I wasn’t going to eat any of your unhealthy junk.”

“But this is apology unhealthy junk, it’s yummy.” She wheedled, pushing a plate at him. “And it is done.” MC had worked really hard, she wasn’t going to lie, and he was going to eat it.

Whether he liked it or not.

He stared at her, shaking his head before stepping past her.

“Stupid wretch.” He grumbled. “As if I’d eat your half-poisoned food as a peace offering.” MC shook her head, tutting her tongue as he was opening the cabinet. Wait. He looked into the empty space for a long time. There was nothing there.

“MC.” His voice was low, dangerous. “Where is all of my food.”  Another cabinet, the refrigerator. All empty.

When he turned on his heels she was standing by the door, a large bag in her arms. Filled with his food obviously. When her hand hit the handle he spoke.

“Don’t you dare. If you do it, I’ll kill you with my own hands.” She blinked, flinging the door open.

“I’m sorry, Ieyasu, but I have to do this. I promise I’ll restock as soon as you try it”

“I’m not going to eat it!’

“Well then. I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be” and she sprinted out of his house, the bag of food still secure in her arms.


MC knew that she didn’t have much time, he was faster than her, and this bag of food was heavy, not to mention that she was running up stairs. Still, she had a mission to accomplish.

When she turned her head, she saw him, and before she even realized she was doing it she reached into the bag, pulled out an apple and threw it at him. He dodged and it splattered against the wall.

Dammit.

She nearly knocked a girl to her feet sprinting up the stairs, uttering a quick apology and tossing a vegetable at Ieyasu.

But she knew that it was…

Fruitless.

Her own giggling slowed her down and finally he caught her, all but dragging her against his chest. She was panting and laughing even as he glared at her.

“Ie-ya-su. She took a breath between syllables, holding the food against her.   “Just try my food!”

Ieyasu didn’t even seem winded, he just stared at her.

“Are you even worth my time?” He finally said, shaking his head and letting her go. “I’d just as soon get new food, since you touched all of this.”

“Please.” MC set the food down, grabbing his arm. “Look. here.” She leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ll agree to the kissing deal…but only if you eat my food.”

“What sort of freudian complex do you have?’ He demanded, a sharp blush on his cheeks. She was sure it was mirrored on her own definitely red face.

Jeez, why was this so hard?

“Is that a yes?” Ieyasu picked up the bag, going back down the stairs as though she wasn’t even talking to him. “Ieyasu, is it a yes?”

“Fine, but only to humor you, you kitchen wench.”

“Yes!” MC all but cheered, following him down the stairs. When they reached the foot, he turned, shooting her an icy glare.

“If you ever do anything so foolish as this again, consider yourself evicted.”

“Y-Yessir.”

_________

MC watched him expectantly, as he raised the fish up to his lips with his chopsticks. She wasn’t going to lie, she’d made the same thing she’d made him the first time.

Just so show him  what he had thrown away.  It was her own recipe, and it was damn good.

He took the bite.

He took another bite, yes!

And then another, sullenly eating the food.

“Do you like it?” MC tapped the table with her fingers, a nervous habit.

“Its food.” He kept his face devoid of emotion. “I have no opinions.”

“None?” She sighed. What had she expected? “Okay.” She trailed over to the bag of food and began unpacked.

She had tried and she had failed. Her gambit had been for nothing.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m cleaning up my mess.” She reached up to tuck a can on the shelf. “I’m uh…sorry.”

“For what.” He had finished the plate, eyeing the rest of the food on the counter.

“For failing to please your sense of taste.” She grabbed the food, stepping over to the garbage.  His hand shot out, all but grabbing the plate from her. “E-eh?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to eat it.” Ieyasu’s blush was back, his tone rushed. MC stared at him, a smile creeping on her face.

“Does that mean I can cook for you more often?”

“What kind of dungbeetle wants to do MORE chores?”

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

This really was a win-win.

Ieyasu ate her food, she got to kiss Ieyasu. Nothing was weird….well that was up to each person, really. 

But MC wasn’t weird.

Right?

This was all totally normal. 

Plus he ate all the food she cooked. 

So she had obviously won this round.


Tagging: @tokugawalady @jemchew @frywen-babbles @singokumaiden @cottonballwithmustache @held-hostage-and-happy @sengoku-drifter @pasunny 

Helllllllooooo! (<—Said like Mrs Doubtfire) Have you ever wanted to be featured on a Vinnie’s Pizzeria Special Board? Do you wish you had your very own pizza named in honor of you? You have?! Oh man well do I have a deal for you! I’m doing the 2017 NYC AIDS WALK on May 21st and I’m giving out various awards for donating to the cause. Just go to Ny.aidswalk.net/walkasean . You can donate to this amazing fundraiser and in turn I will draw you on your own Special Board and you’ll be featured as Today’s Special at Vinnie’s Pizzeria in Brooklyn. I’ve drawn over 800 of these boards over the past few years and they’ve been featured on The Jimmy Kimmel Show, The AV Club, Gothamist, The Chive, and tons of other internetty things. You can have one made in your beautiful likeness, or gift it to a “bae”, or even give your kitty cat the pizza special they deserve. Or whatever your heart desires. If you’re unable to donate, please just help spread the word and Share this post. Thanks for reading, for sharing and for your support! Again, that’s ny.aidswalk.net/walkasean

Hot Coffee (Park Hae Jin)

Type: Fluff

Request: Can i request a Park Hae Jin scenarios, coffee date on a rainy day.


You sighed as you looked out the window, the pitter patter of rain filled your ears as you perfectly planned park picnic out with your husband had been ruined. “Why are you so sad?” Haejin asked as he took a bite from the little sandwiches you made for today “because I worked hard to make everything perfect for today. We haven’t had a date like day in forever” you whine as he takes a seat beside you “I thought that was the point of being married. We wouldn’t have to go out on dates anymore” he tells you as he patted your leg. You pouted as he smiled “how about I make something?” he asked as you sigh again “Lets just eat what I packed so it doesn’t go to waste” you tell him as he chuckles “then I will make it extra special. Don’t move a muscle” he said leaning over pressing a kiss to your lips before heading to the kitchen.

~

You sat calmly scrolling through your phone as the lovely scent of coffee filled your nose as you smiled. You always loved when he did things like this because he made it special just for you. “Oh, wifey” he said in a singsong voice, the bright smile on his face peaked out from the kitchen before he walked out carrying a plate and also a cup of coffee.

Smiling you reached for the cup as he made a sound “too hot to grab like that” he told you as he sat it down as the small two person dining table. Haejin walked over to you offering you a smile as he stuck his hand out and yours slipped into it as he walked you over to the table and pulled out the chair for you as you chuckled at his gentlemenly act. “Thank you” you tell him as he smiled leaning over pressing your lips to his. He wrapped his arms around you as you pulled back “you know my wife is extremely sexy?” he asks flirtingly as you give him a cheeky smile “I don’t think my husband is that bad looking either” you coo as he pulls away. “Have a seat I’ll push you in” he says as you nod.

~

You two talked about random things as you finished eating 30 minutes ago but you two still sat there. Your hands were linked on the table while you used the other to drink. “I’m glad to have you, you know” you tell him as he smiled. “I only do it for you” he tells “thank you for being amazing” you coo leaning on the table as he quickly got the message. “I do this because I love you” he tells as he leans over and you two pressed your lips against his. You cupped his face deepening the kiss before pulling back “I love you too” you coo as he kissed you again smiling largely. 

So I’ve finally reached 100 followers. I have no idea how it happened nor what you guys are doing but I’m just glad to have you all around here. It’s been a couple of harsh months and being in Tumblr again after so long made things seem a bit easier for me. So this is a big thank you for every and each one of you who’s still here reading this crap. You’re awesome and I love you.

Now, let’s jump to the fun part! I’ve promised I’d make something special at the 100 followers mark, so let’s do this!

To join our little game, it’s simple: rule n. 01: Reblogs&likes will count. Go ahead, I’ll wait. All good? Let’s move on. Rule n. 02: you have until May 02, 2017 6PM GMT to enter. Plenty of time, huh? Rule n. 03: you don’t need to be following me but that’d be hella nice, yea.

On May 03 I’ll be announcing 3 winners! You guys will be chosen randomly and there are the prizes:

3rd place: a ficlet/oneshot – example
2nd place: a moodboard/aesthetic – example
1st place: a moodboard+oneshot – example

(Any pair or alternative universe, if desired, will be of winner’s choice. Go wild, kiddo.)

Good luck and thank you very much! You guys are great!

fingers crossed

6 years ago today we met.
you told me I was cute,
That was such a weird compliment,
I didn’t know how to take that,
You were the first person to ever tell me that,
One of the only ones too,
We had our moments,
We had our happiness,
We had our fights,
You made me feel better about myself sometimes,
Then you broke me,
You broke me,
I haven’t told many people what you did.
I couldn’t tell my parents,
I told one of my tutors then,
I cried,
He held me,
I broke down,
I told my therapist when they sent me down when I was breaking down. I cried,
I told my best friend at the time,
I cried and broke down,
I told someone else special too,
I cried,
I cried for years because of the damage I feel like you did to me,
Maybe it’s just how my mind works and you’re not to blame,
Heck if I know.
I didn’t want to admit that you damaged me,
I didn’t want to admit that I was damaged,
I was just normal with problems like everyone else,
This was one that could wait till later on in life right?
It was irrelevant compared to other bigger actual problems
But I’m losing grasp of it,
I didn’t get a chance to do the things normal people did in their teenage years,
I didn’t get a chance to become special,
I was stuck in my own head,
You told me I needed to eat less anyway.
You told me everything you would change about me,
It was quite literally everything,
I can’t change all of the things about me,
I’m just me,
I’ll be enough for me one day,
That’s all I’ll need,
I looked in the mirror and cried so many times because of so many things associated with you, you have no idea.
I started starving myself,
I started spending more time on my knees in front of toilets with my eyes red and until the water turned red too,
I got to a point where everyone who cared about me thought I was terminally ill.
I’m better now,
I’m okay.
I was living my head again,
For years and years and years and …
I spent time alone,
I just kept spending time alone.
I had to lie to my friends when they kept asking me why I wasn’t dating or was interested in anyone.
I couldn’t tell most of them everything, you know? How even thinking about anything started making me feel sick.
The ones who knew l saw me as weak anyway.
So many of the things I started doing affected so many aspects of my life.
I always kinda played it off,
I always thought it was just because of me,
I may not have been special or unique or different or one of those pretty boy types that people like or…
Those times you hurt me and told me to enjoy it,
At least you had fun right?
I failed to grasp that I didn’t have to do any of the things you wanted me to do,
It still haunts me sometimes,
Less and less now,
You broke me that day,
The last time before the last time,
You fucking broke me.
I never hated you for that.
I always saw you as a good person,
I always see everyone as good people,
Maybe that’s my problem.
I hate you for the last text you sent me,
I hate you for that.
I met someone after focusing on becoming better for years,
She was an angel,
She was a just a good friend,
There was never really anyone else,
I was probably just an inconvenience and irrelevant,
I need to stay away from anything I care about now.
I just pray for everyone now,
I sit in silence and I pray.
And I’m content with that, I guess.
That’s on me but I wish I had never met you. It’s been years what’s wrong with me?
I’m making conscious effort to move into a better place in every way.
I’m getting better day by day. I’m making changes and I am going to be okay.
I’m not who you tried to make me into.
I’m not who you wanted me to be.
I will never turn into you.
I will never ever turn into you.
I’ll learn about who I am
I’ll learn about who I would have been if I had never ever had your jagged claws all over my heart.
I’ll get to where I need to be,
I’ll do all of the things I’ve missed out on.
I’ll be in a good place,
I’ll find out who I am and I am going to be okay.

Fingers crossed.

@swtorramblings

Yeah, you can sort of express sympathy for Vaylin in Dark Reunions. After you disable the bomb, Valkorion stops time and explains the key phrase he used on her.

Outlander: You did something to Vaylin. Shut down her power.
Valkorion: Her aptitude with the Force made her extremely dangerous, even as a child. There was only one solution. I conditioned her subconscious to respond to a simple phrase: “kneel before the Dragon of Zakuul”. Speak these words in Vaylin’s presence, and you activate her conditioning. She will be powerless to strike you.

Now, the dialogue choice is “you brainwashed your daughter”.

Outlander: You’re controlling Vaylin’s mind. How could you do that to your own flesh and blood?
Valkorion: If not for her conditioning, you and all your allies would be dead.

Now, there’s a special dialogue with an Agent Outlander: “I know all about brainwashing”.

Cipher 9: I’ve had firsthand experience with brainwashing. I wouldn’t wish that fate on my worst enemy.
Valkorion: Your conditioning was barbaric. My daughter’s was necessary.

So you express sympathy for her…but in the very next chapter, when Valkorion is pushing you to kill her ASAP, your only dialogues are about using the phrase. And then you go along with the stupid plan in the Dragon’s Maw. It’s like different people wrote different chapters. :/

Here’s the thing: anyone with half a brain and half a conscience would say “huh, he’s probably pulling my puppet strings”. The Jedi Knight was controlled by him on his Sith fortress. The Consular dealt with his Children. The Wrath was his enforcer and met the Voss Voice. Cipher 9 has been brainwashed for similar reasons: they were Too Dangerous™. And there is a chance all 8 classes met Master Surro(sp?) on Ziost and saw what she went through. Yet they follow Valkorion’s word like a fucking Kool-aid drinker.

Happy birthday to one of my beautiful best friends @theseprettylittlepixels
(I was going to get a naddie picture but ironically starve took over and well.. we’re on skype so you know how that goes)

I tend to ramble on these but.. you’re one of my best friends and I love you so, so much. We’ve been friends now since like the end of 2013/beginning of 2014 and I love that even through everything that people tried to do to tear our friendship apart, we’ve always stuck together. Skyping every night as a group has just made me love you even more because you’re so sweet. I love when you’re the Addie to my Nel and we’re killing people with our diamond spears, breaking into camps and stealing from boxes. I also love when you’re our sweet disney princess that’s in love with unicorns. You are so special, kind hearted and one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever had the privilege to call a friend. I love you so much and I hope you only have happiness, joy and all the wonderful things this year. You deserve it <3

3

You’re Something Else *Rafinha Alcantara imagine*

==============================================================

I looked over to the calendar and smiled, today Rafinha was coming back home from the string of away games. Normally I wouldn’t be as eager or excited but I’ve missed my boy, and other things. 

“Yo Y/N I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited” Gabriel said

I turned around and chuckled, “Today’s just special” I said looking back down at the work

Gabriel raised an eyebrow, “Yeah? What’s special about it?”He questioned

I gave him a smile, and chuckled, “Because someone comes home today” 

Gabriel chuckled before bumping my shoulder, “Go home then” He said

I raised an eyebrow, “Word?”

He nodded, “Yeah I mean it go on”

I smiled giving Gabriel a hug, “You’re really a saint you know that” 

He chuckled hugging me back, after I walked over to my side got everything packed up and made my way to my car to go home. By the time I got home, I noticed that Rafinha still wasn’t home yet so I went inside and started getting everything together. 

I managed to have a surprise for Rafinha and I was sure that he was really going to love it. I mean afterall I know my boy. 

After a while I heard the front door open, and I got up running and jumping onto Rafinha. “I missed you too” He said chuckling

I placed a kiss on his lips, “I have a surprise for you” I told him

Rafinha raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

I nodded, “Come” I said taking his hand in mine and leading him towards the living room. When we got there I made him sit down, as I handed him a box. 

Rafinha chuckled, “What’s this?” He asked

I smiled, “If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise silly”

He nodded before opening the box and raising an eyebrow, pulling out the contents of the box he looked at me. “Babe I know I said that I would do any and everything for you but wearing lingerie isn’t my thing”He said chuckling

“I’m glad it’s not your thing, but there’s something else in there” 

Rafinha looked back down and raised an eyebrow, picking up the stack. “A calendar?” He asked

I nodded, “Open it”

He looked at me before opening it and chuckling, as he flipped through it. With every turn of the page his eyes widened and a smirk came onto his face. When he’d flipped through the eleven months, he the picked up the lingerie once more and looked at me. “So when do I get to see this on you in person?” He asked 

I chuckled, and sat on his lap wrapping my arms around his neck. “As soon as we walk past those doors” I said messing with his hair

Rafinha smirked, “Then let’s waste no time”

anonymous asked:

I think you're a cool, sweet, witty, intelligent, beautiful person with an even more beautiful soul. I'm so glad to have met you! I also think you have great taste (especially in a certain show). And I think you write insanely relatable, thought-provoking, and emotionally moving pieces. And...oops! I think I just gave my identity away! 😂💜

I think you’ve used all the possible adjectives!
And made me blush and laugh so hard at the same time!!
I have to agree about having a great taste. I have a special someone to thank for great recommendations, tbh.
And the very same person inspires me with their insanely relatable, thought provoking, emotionally moving writing.
You’re the best ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Ep. 4

Can I just say Cho Cho and Inojin are just grade a sass masters she really played the fuck outta Boruto when she went in on his looks and then my guy Inojin swoops in like sis you’re not even the coolest one here sit down 💀I really wish people would stop interrupting Shino Sensei this has been going on for way too long let the man finish a full sentence every once in a while smh. I REALLY wish TenTen would have made an appearance bc her speciality is summoning weapons and she could have helped the kids?????? Smh not getting her well deserved screen time as usual. The class rep (sumire is her name I think?) is really starting to annoy me. She seems really scary like the thought of fighting is too much for her to handle I can’t take much more. She does not remind me of Hinata at all lmao she was never that scary sheesh. Really want to know wth he summoned cuz it looked like it was two animals in one? Also yay for Mitsuki making his debut!

anonymous asked:

What made you start liking Akamatsu when you first met? what were the circumstances, amami?

“The circumstances weren’t the best considering we met through that awful killing game. Not really the “ideal” place to meet your special someone.”

“However, I was blessed to have met such a wonderful girl as Kaede. Even when our lives were on the line, she believed we would all make it out together. She was strong, beautiful and had heart like few I’ve ever known.

“Though it might also be the fact that I kinda adore the look on her face when she’s embarassed.”

Just an infodump...

Huge run on paragraphs i typed this so fast and didnt plan anything im just excited uh i dont know how to put things under cuts enjoy my infodump about autistic sherlock thanks??

I just really want to ramble about the connection of my special interests. Sherlock Holmes and Neurodiversity and all of the beautiful ways they intersect and how much I learn about one from the other. Obviously Im very fond of labeling Holmes as autistic but I want to really get into that in a…different sort of way?

I love an autistic Holmes, but in a different way than a lot of media loves autistic Holmes. Most of the time the presumption is made on the more astounding and stereotyped traits but we can learn so much about societies perceptiom of autism from it and it’s amazing what a character can teach you.

The stories are narrated by Watson so we are meeting Sherlock through a neurotypical lense, as we always are in all his representations. So we are given the mysterious, puzzling, cold, odd Sherlock, because everything he does is being narrated in comparison to John’s neurotypicality. That’s where his intrigue comes from, isn’t it? If we narrate an autistic from that lense we become…inhuman, otherworldly, a superhero, an enigma, overall something not quite real.

“His manner was not effusive. It seldom was; but he was glad, I think, to see me. With hardly a word spoken, but with a kindly eye, he waved me to an armchair …" 
I want to pull so many examples.
But a cold Holmes comes from the perception of him as a neurotypical man. Thwre are so many examples of Sherlock being emotionally capable that are lost on the readers because we are seeing him from this perspective. Because he is being characterized, turned into something more than or less tham human to give him extraordinary features, right? From John’s view, Sherlock’s expression of affection is very different and not like his own and so is read as cold and unfeeling rather tham what it most probably was. What reaches the reader is only John’s perception. Though we do get glimpses of him attempting to read beneath that and i think John is semi aware that his perception isnt entirely accurate and he knows he cant truly read Sherlock or understand his mind. But we know what he knows.

And that is typically how it goes for us. The idea of Holmes as autistic because of his stereotyped symptoms is problematic, but also accurate? Because thw reality is that autostic people are not cold, hard machinery of a man, but we ARE portrayed that way because that is how we appear to the neurotypical observer who cannot see our form of expression for what it is. So yes, we are seeing an inaccurate portrait of what autism is, but It IS accurate of what was seen and what was ASSUMED. Which means we have this whole, real and rounded but unportrayed character with diverse and human autistic traits beneath John’s narration!

“I am afraid for his health … he’s that strange, sir. After you was gone he walked and he walked, up and down, and up and down, until I was weary of the sound of his footstep … I hope he’s not going to be ill, sir. I ventured to say something to him about cooling medicine”

From John’s perspective, we are seeing the pathologisation of stimming, it makes him and others uneasy and comes off as odd, so it is portrayed to the readers as odd. That doesn’t address that behind that we have what is actually hapoening vs what is being observed. We have stimming! We have whole characterization and behavior and a mind at work! autistic differences that are viewed as annoying are also those most frequently pathologized! What is communicative for us is portrayed as odd and ill. We are given it to us as uneasy and strange behaviors, but that is how everyone sees my stimming as well, but that doesnt make it so.

We have John’s neurotypical lense giving us the fascinating, mysterious view of Sherlock’s brain and his special interests. We see even reflected through other characters- the very true and unfortunate way neurodivergent behaviors are read as malicious or dangerous.

Sherlock most certainly has a special interest in crime. He understands the innerworkings of it and deals very close with it. We have characters portraying this as the signs that he may very well be criminal himself. There is a regular occurrence of autistic’s getting caught up in and used as a scapegoat for crime- we have those who seem suspicious because they can talk at length with seemingly little affect about a detail of a crime, which is read by the neurotypical as suspicious and indicative of guilt. Strange train accident and an autistic who was witnessed at the scene has a special interest and upon striking up an interrogation can tell you at very excited length exactly how one could go about causing a train wreck? Criminalization of autistic special interest behavior. Sherlock is not criminal, but it is how a neurotypical world perceives him. Im sure sherlock knows exactly how to commit thw perfect crime that would go eternally unsolved if he wanted to, right? Of course he does. He knows how tovsolve a crime because he knows how a person might be thinking to commit one and the paths they would take. This knowledge is thus linked with wrongful criminality and whew thats a big talking point so I shall digress.

Watson perceives Holmes as having intense interests, struggling in the social sphere, and displaying unusual body language.  Certainly, Holmes approaches his work with an intense single-mindedness (both crime solving and his chemical experiments). As Watson explains,

“his zeal for certain studies was remarkable, and within eccentric limits his knowledge was so extraordinarily ample and minute that his observations have fairly astounded me”

I want to go on and lay out all of the parallels neatly, but im excited and hyper. Its so facinating to me how this can be both accurate and inaccurate.

What we have is a good old case of an unreliable narrator. John tells the true story of Holmes as he sees it, but the depths below what John sees as mysterious and astounding and confusing and odd to me and many autistic people actually make quite a lot of sense. They arent actually mysterious at all. Sherlock is incredibly human, and feeling, and his actions and his communication have a meaning and a purpose and method to it, just as everyone else’s does. But we are presented with Sherlock wrapped up as this facinating, two dimensional, mysteriously intriguing, barely human entity. Because once again, he is framed in a neurotypical reader’s perspective, its what gives him his charm and eccentricity. He is written for the purpose of a story. A perspective. We canot take a narrators perception as fact.

I have such a deep love and appreciation for Holmes as he is written and as what I am sure lies in his perspective. Its thrilling to read him from two perspectives and understanding how they work with eachother because it is so true to life and my own experiences…

And Im going to continue to identify deeply with my lovely autistic and fully human very good man Sherlock.

Im exhausted and buzzing. Uh. Enjoy?

92 Truths Tag!

I was tagged by the lovely @kimi-mimi-rumi, thanks for tagging me <3

THE LAST…

1. Drink: La Croix

2. Phone Call: Some random customer at work?

3. Text: My mama,

4. Song you listened to: Eternity - Vixx

5. Time you cried: When I was blessed by the glory that is B.A.P

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: Oh yeah

7. Been cheated on: Yes and let me tell you accidentally running into you S/O’s while they’re taking their sidechick on a date is so awkward…..

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope.

9. Lost someone special: Sadly

10. Been depressed: It;s a daily occurrence 

11. Gotten drunk and threw up: HAHAHAHA yes.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 1) Yellow 2) Green 3) Orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: Yeah a couple

16. Fallen out of love: You gotta be in love first.

17. Laughed until you cried: All the damn time.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Possibly.

19. Met someone who changed you: 100% yes

20. Found out who your true friends are: Yes 

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: And then some…..

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in really life?: The majority 

23. Do you have any pets: I’ve got a dog and a beardie. 

24. Do you want to change your name?: Nah, I like my name

25. What did you do for your last birthday?: That is a great question. Alcohol was probably involved.

26. What time did you wake up?: 7ish?

27: What were you doing at midnight last night: Redoing my masterlist and working on a new fic (:

28. Name something you cannot wait for: My return to Harry Potter Land.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom:  Last august

30. What is one thing you wish you can change about your life: I wish I traveled more

31. What are you listening to right now: A buzzfeed video

32. Have you talked to a person named Tom: I have a cousin named Tom hahaha

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Do you want the long list or the short list?

34. Most visited website: Tumblr!

35. Elementary: Completed!

36: High School: Completed

37: College: Finished this past December (:

38. Hair color: Medium brown

39. Long or short hair: Medium and short? Part of my head is shaved.

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Eh

41. What do you like about yourself: My open mindedness? 

42. Piercings: I got a few

43. Blood type: A+

44. Nickname: Schrammwow, Nicoley Oley, Watson, Glen Coco

45. Relationship Status: I’m a single pringle.

46. Zodiac sign: Virgo

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite tv show: DOCTOR WHO

49. Tattoos: I’ve got five, and there are more to come.

50. Right or left hand: Right handed mostly

FIRST…

51. Surgery: When I was 19 I had to have hand surgery. Good times….

52. Piercing: I got my ears done for my 8th birthday

53. Word: No idea and neither do my parents hahaha

54. Sport: Football (Real football, not the American kind.)

55. Vacation: I think it was to Spain?

56. Pair of trainers: ?????

RECENTLY…

57. Eating: Carrots

58. Drinking: La Croix, lemon flavored 

59. I’m about to: To still be at work for a couple hours.

60. Listening to: Buzzfeed videos

61. Waiting for: To get off work

62. Want: I just wanna travel and experience new things

DO YOU WANT TO…

63. Get married: Maybe…..

64. Have a career and if so what: I want to be a judge

WHICH IS BETTER…

65. Hugs or kisses: Depends?

66. Lips or eyes: LIPS

67. Shorter or taller: I like em tall

68. Older or younger: As long as they’re legal, it really doesn’t matter to me

69. Spontaneous or romantic: Spontaneous

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS PLEASE

71. Sensitive or loud: In between

72. Hook up or relationship: I wanna say relationship but idk…..

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker (;

HAVE YOU EVER…

74. Kissed a stranger: I really like kissing when I’m drunk, okay?

75. Drank hard liquor:  My favorite kind.

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Does my dog eating my glasses count?

77. Turned someone down: Yup

78. Sex on first date: It has happened a couple times…..

79. Broken someone’s heart: Yes

80. Had your heart broken: Yup

81. Been arrested: Nope

82. Cried when someone died: Sadly

83. Fallen for a friend: Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE…

84. In Yourself: To an extent.

85. Miracles: It’s possible

86. Love at first sight: I gotta see it to believe it

87. Santa Claus: Nope, but I like the idea of there being a santa.

88. Kiss on the first date: Kissing isn’t a big deal to me so yeah

89. Angels: I’m not saying no, but I won’t say yes

OTHER…

90. Current best friend: Her name is Nancy and I’ve been trying to get rid of her for 17 years….. (JK I love her.)

91. Eye color: Brown 

92. Favorite movie: Bridesmaids, because its my kind of hot mess.

I’m tagging @boymeetsfiction @amazzjin @suhotrashanon @chanyeolandthebananas @kimnamwho @colourfulnoodles @tumblingtae and literally anyone else who wants to (:

The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous startups in Silicon Valley, I will spare the whole place for their sake.” Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five startups?” // “If I find forty-five there,” God said, “I will not destroy it.”


The two venture capitalists arrived at Palo Alto in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. … They did go with him and entered his $0.9m one-bedroom home. He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without gluten, and they ate. Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of Silicon Valley—both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can pitch our startups to them.”

4

#is this not love tho?
#are these not similar situations? #broadly speaking that is