i made this so long ago but i have nothing else to post

2016 sucked but i got a TON of really great mutuals!! first off though i want to thank each and every one of you for following me, whether you met me over 2 years ago on my first blog, when i made this blog ~6 months ago when i had to remake to deal with trauma, or if you followed me yesterday. bc either way you mean a lot to me and have helped me so so much whether you’re on this list or not

shoutout to the people who i consider very close friends first who have done The Most for me throughout this year and have all consistently helped me through bad shit this year despite me pushing everyone away like an assh*le, in no particular order

@fnvegas​ | @bpdjaybird​ | @ofthespires​ | @lunafreyya​ | @by3rs | @palatinuscuria | @snowbender​ | @wheel3rs​ | @kaijutxt| @knightroyce​ | @heartclub | @nonbinaryjpg​ | @svlvan​ 

and now everyone else in alphabetical order!! thank you all for being here this year 💖
friends | favs | blessed mutual

@100hrdva | @6e-ez | @agvstsd | @alilstair | @amellmages | @assaultlily | @autisticwinston | @bigmts | @billielvrk | @borderlandswikia| @bpd | @bpddorian | @bxrnxby | @camorrsthorn | @corvosrats | @crypticis@dadical | @darkchilde | @delaserre | @diamndcity | @doctor0 | @doqmeat | @drifblims | @dysphoriyeah | @endcity

@festivemercy | @gaydhd | @gaymercys | @gayrevan | @genjibf | @infraredsight | @irlmisha | @jeanedarc| @jedharenegade | @jerkthief | @kaleochu | @kinsdrama | @kirbytripledelux | @kshaw | @leatherhead | @lenaoxton | @lenaoxtone | @lesbiancharliekelly | @lesbiantracers | @lesbianrey | @lesboamethyst

@menacingfocus | @mirandalawson | @miyku | @moonbrry | @nensparkles | @ndnmccree | @oldhroldan | @onderon | @pacificrimwiki | @plosh | @rizekujikawa | @rosypillows | @shimadasgenji | @shuraba | @stunarms | @svmbra | @symmetera | @symmutra | @tankconfig | @the-last-bastion | @thessia | @trainerlyra | @ulyss-s | @venomusuneku | @visasmarr | @zroescape

if i didn’t include you if we’ve been mutuals for a while there’s a very very good chance i forgot you bc things have been hectic so im Rushin’ and also, thanks adhd, so i’m sorry if i did!! ily all and hope you guys all have an amazing new years, you all deserve the best!! 

Root is my favourite character of all time. I have read so many books and fallen for so many shows, related to so many characters, hoped for them, struggled with them, smiled with them and hurt when they were hurt. but Root is my favourite character of all time. my tag for Root is #love of my TV life.

today, for the first time in my life, I cried watching a TV show. I cried because Root died and Root means the world to me.

I don’t want to make her death political but it will be made political, and in a way, rightfully so. I also don’t want to discuss the narrative choice, one I do understand. I don’t want to do it right now because this is my memorial to Root.

this is the space that I’m choosing to share how much I love Root.

this is my love letter to Root.

I have loved Root since before I knew I was watching Person of Interest. one of those lazy days at home, nothing else was on TV and I saw this flashback-looking cinematography. I was curious and I stayed. now I know that the episode that made me stay, two years before I became a fan, was 2x02, Bad Code.

I loved Root because she was pretty and a little on the crazy side. I loved Root because of how passionate she felt about humans being bad code. I loved Root because she became ruthless and misanthropic but she became that way because her best friend (her first love?) died at the hands of a paedophile. one she dealt with because Root, for the five seasons we’ve seen her, has always fought for what she believes in.

I love Root because she’s one of the most intelligent characters I have ever met. she knows so much about so many things, she adapts to all types of environments and people. I love Root because the show set her up in the role of the Prophet - the voice of reason, that people refuse to listen to with grave consequences. the Prophet, such a mythical, central figure, who until now had always been played by a man, usually a white man. 

the Prophet always dies, so I should have known. but love makes you hope. Root made me hope.

I was raised in a Catholic school and, despite not identifying at all with the Catholic church anymore, I am a spiritual person, I am a person of faith. I see Root believing and I understand. maybe I don’t believe in an all-seeing AI with good intentions and admiring morals, but I do believe in something greater than myself. I also believe in Nature. unlike Root, I believe in people.

but what we believe in doesn’t matter so much as the fact that we are both believers. that we walk this earth with the skip on our step brought upon by faith.

I love Root because she had every reason not to, but she opened her heart to the Machine and to the team. I love Root because she’s so self-aware, she is so in tune with who she is and what she’s done, that she respected the space needed by every single member of the team to accept her. it was an acceptance that came at a different pace for Harold, Shaw, John, Fusco, but one she earned with the power of her perseverance, and of her respect for their needs.

Root is so so funny and she is funny in a witty way. her jokes, her comments, her interventions are fucking smart. but Root also has a darkness within her, one born entirely out of pain. we’ve seen it here and there. in Root Path when she’s faced with a number that is now a janitor because she killed everyone he loved in her time as a killer for hire. in Prophets when she shows she understands that she’s lived a more than questionable life, that a good death would be a privilege. in MIA and Sotto Voce when it was made clear that there’s no point for Root to live without Shaw.

you see, Root understands herself so well, but she doesn’t quite love herself all that much.

so I’ll love her for all the love she didn’t give herself.

I’ll love her for that time she was locked in a mental hospital and she doubted herself.

I’ll love her for that time she could have chosen to flee Harold’s prison, but she stayed because it was the right thing to do.

I’ll love her for that time she was tortured and lost her hearing, all for her Machine.

I’ll love her for all the philosophical and theological debates she had with Harold, debates that had me on the edge of my seat, debates that made my brain light up with challenge and awe at conversations on a show that were finally, finally up to my intellectual needs and abilities.

I’ll love her for how she despised John so, but grew to rely on him and trust him and consider him a part of the family.

I’ll love her for how Bear couldn’t care less about her for the longest time, but even the dog she took the time to conquer and love.

I’ll love her for being a queer woman who didn’t have an arc about “omg I’m gay what do I do??”, who didn’t have an arc about how it hurts and/or sucks to be queer. or how it sucks and hurts to be neurodivergent. I’ll love her for being a queer woman who could be literally anything else, but who is a queer woman. the one I never thought I’d get to have.

I’ll love her for falling in love with Shaw for all Shaw is. for falling in love with competent, neurodivergent, ruthless, loyal Shaw. I’ll love her for teasing and flirting with Shaw but never once disrespecting Shaw’s boundaries, never once crossing the line of what Shaw is willing to accept. oh, she played with the line a lot, of course she did. she pushed the line farther and farther back, but she did it with Shaw’s consent.

I’ll love her because Root and Shaw, despite all odds, have showed me what a healthy relationship looks like between two women. one that grew with time, patience, respect, playfulness.

I’ll love her because she’s so fucking extra, with her two guns, and her awkwardly-timed flirting, and her recklessness with her own life.

I’ll love her because she tilts her head when she smiles in a condescending way. I’ll love her because her voice goes ridiculously high-pitched when she’s scared for the people she loves. I’ll love her because she can’t wink and I’ll love her because she doesn’t roll her eyes, even when she’s annoyed.

I’ll love her for her black-painted nails and her love of purple and black. I’ll love her for her beautiful hair and her infinite wigs. I’ll love her for how hot she looks in glasses. I’ll love her for Mr Berenstain and Barbie Nanny and Alien Fangirl and Wedding Crasher.

I’ll love her for her relentless defence of the Machine, of her own beliefs, regardless of Harold’s preferences and morals, and for her unshakable respect for Harold’s decision and point of view. 

I’ll love her for the absurd heart eyes she throws at the Machine (every now and then) and at Shaw (all the time).

I’ll love her because she’s grown so much and evolved so much and she did it in front of my own two eyes, with me rooting for her the whole time (yes, even when she was a villain).

I’ll love her for that smile, you know the one, the teary-eyed one. I’ll love her for going from calling Shaw Shaw to calling her Sameen and sweetie and, maybe someday, beautiful girl. I’ll love her for defying Harold’s Ms Groves with her good-spirited Harry. I’ll love her for how big lug and helper monkey went from insults to pet names.

I’ll love her for how unique and remarkable she is as a character. one I’ve never seen, one who’s made me fall hopelessly in love.

I’ll love her for giving me so much joy and so much hope and so much love. I’ll love her because I don’t know what else to do.

Root is my person. and Root will always be my person.

10

It’s hard to say what I want my legacy to be. You know, what I want people to say when I’m long gone. At this point, right now, I’m gonna say that I want people to see me as an entertainer. Someone who can do it all… and that’s how I was trained, and I want people to look at me as a full on entertainer… and a good person. I have to honestly say that everything is worth it. The hard work, the times when you’re tired, the times when you’re a bit sad… The good moments when you’re on stage performing in front of thousands of people. In the end, it’s all worth it… because it really makes me happy, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world… I honestly wouldn’t. There’s nothing better… than loving what you do. I’ve got good friends, I’ve got a beautiful family, and I’ve got a career… a career that’s blossoming and still growing, and… I am truly blessed, and I thank God for his blessings every single chance I get…