i made this like three years ago

“The cocaine made me feel important. I thought I was always right. I was fighting a lot of people. I was cheating on my wife. I felt like I had superpowers. I was hiding my addiction from everybody. Nobody knew I was using until I had a breakdown. I stayed up doing coke for three days, and became convinced that the television was speaking to me. I tried to get through the front door of the largest television station in Brazil– screaming that I was Jesus. They put me in a clinic for eighteen days. That was three years ago. I don’t mind talking about it. I’m embarrassed by it, but it happened. And it caused me to get clean. It was humiliating, but it’s also the reason I’m able to sit on this bench– calm, relaxed, and not thinking about drugs.” (São Paulo, Brazil)

How to become a good student (again) 3: Yearn for friendship - not worship; not debasement

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

‘tis done! This beast just got longer and longer, so I decided to cut it down a bit for the sake of readability. But let me know if there’s something that was too vague - the nuance might have got lost in the editing process.

Alright, let’s get down to business (to defeat! The Huns!)! So, if you’re an ex-good student, I’m pretty sure that you know this static in your head, right? Whenever you really need to do something but you just can’t get up and do it, so you keep procrastinating even though you hate it and keep scrolling and scrolling or gaming and gaming and feel more and more guilty?

Well, it might not be the most immediate analogy, but for this post I want you to consider that what connects you and your subject of study is essentially a relationship and that this static is (among other things) an indicator of how screwed up your relationship is. Just like with real people, your relationships with subjects can either

  • prosper and bear fruit (me & Creative Writing)
  • become cold and distant (me & French)
  • or, worst of all, turn sour and actively harmful. (me & PE, back in school)

Now, nobody likes to hear that they’re relationship-ing wrong. And it is true that different approaches work for different people. But here are the counter-productive relationships that I’ve personally ended up in and I’m gonna show you how I got into and out of them, so you can try to do the same. Maybe it’ll help you lift that static from your head.

Side-Note: Always remember that, since your subjects are just that (subjects), and not real people, you are the only one who can actually mend these relationships and, conversely, you are the one who screwed them up in the first place (probably with good intentions, though).

So, we’ll take them in this order:

1) Overeager Debasement

2) Undereager Debasement

3) Worship


(Oh, and in case you wanna catch up:

Masterpost 

Part 1

Part 2)


1) Overeager Debasement

What is it?

The desire to do everything, perfectly, at the same time, right now. Not to limit yourself to just one field of study, but to master them all, to reign supreme above knowledge, to keep your mind wide open to new possibilities, similarities and contradictions.
You overvalue your own capacities and undervalue the needs and difficulties of your subject.
(also refer to the first post for this)

How did you get here?

(read picture from right to left)

So. Many. Possible. Reasons.

  • it’s a cage. The idea of doing just one thing for the rest of your life scares you and you feel imprisoned at the thought of it
  • you know that you could be outstanding if you applied yourself
  • you know that you could be even more outstanding if you became accomplished in multiple fields
  • you want to find connections between fields nobody’s ever considered before
  • you feel like you’ve wasted your last few years and need to catch up to others
  • you’re afraid that you’re not good enough
  • you’re afraid of being ignorant
  • you’re arrogant

No matter the reason (I’ve gone through them all), people caught in this state of mind shovel more and more onto their plate.
And then wonder why they can’t swallow it all.

What do you think you’re doing?

A labour of love, most likely. You think you love languages and sciences and athletics and programming and cooking and hanging out with friends and being alone and so you just want to do it all!
You don’t want to limit yourself! You don’t want to lose any time! But there’s just so much and you have so little energy and ugh, if only I wasn’t destined for greatness, then I could relax like other little people, but no, I need to keep pushing! In every! Direction! At the same! Time!

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend who gets up at 6am, watches the sun rise, does yoga, eats a healthy breakfast, goes for a quick run, comes back home, answers all correspondence, is artistic for a few hours, then scientific for a few hours, then social for a few hours and ends the day with tiny masterpieces in each area, goes out with friends or family to grab a healthy dinner and goes to sleep, happy and balanced :)

Well, you know what, my starry-eyed friend?

What are you actually doing?

You’re the mental equivalent of a social butterfly.
You’re being fucking disrespectful.

You’re always on the run and never able to really commit to anything, because you’ve already scheduled something else afterwards. You’re shallow, deluded, that one friend that always comes in running, screaming “Besties  ~ ♥” and everyone shifts uncomfortably in their seats and smiles a painful smile and humours you, because they know you mean well, but they also know that you know nothing about them. 
You’ve never been there for them ever, but always expect them to be there for you. Whenever they want to talk about themselves, you nod and then proceed to about yourself and your plans and “ohmygosh, this is so nice, we need to meet more often ~ ♥ “. But at least you mean well, so they’ve agreed to keep it simple and on the “The weather is nice today”-level with you. 

But here you are, wondering why you’re not making any progress.
Mysterious.

So what do I do?

Well, you need to go from this:

To this:

How? More on that below.


2) Undereager Debasement

What is it?

This stage is what happens when you notice that your lofty ideals from Overeager Debasement cannot be fulfilled. You turn bitter, hateful, cold. You think you’re a failure, you think you were too soft. Instead of wanting to be friends with everyone, you now want to rule over everyone, fuck what they want.

You’re burnt out. You’re done. You just want to get through these stupid classes and catch a goddamn break, goddamnit.

And you WILL get through. You’re too proud to do anything else. But you don’t really care about any of it.
You just want to make it.

How did you get here?

If you were a good student, you probably heard at some point or another that you were “different” and that your complex and mysterious ways were not understandable and definitely not achievable for your average classmate.

Most people who tell you this mean well. A few want to make fun of you, but most actually do mean it as a compliment. But they don’t know how dangerous it is to hear it again and again, because regardless of whether it’s true or not, you start to believe it.
You start to believe that somehow, you have a higher calling, a higher standard. And you start to long for that day when your high standards will be met - when you will go to that one mysterious class where everyone is just as eager as you are, where the “Oh, captain, my captain!”-teacher will spark a fire in your brain that will never go out and when your ominous “gifts” can finally be put to good use for the prosperous future of mankind.


And you work.

And work.

And the class never comes.

You feel the weight on your shoulders when teachers talk of “high expectations”, you feel it crush you a little bit every time your friends tease you about your genuine fear that you might not get an A, that you might lose it all, that your “gifts” could disappear and you’ll be stranded and useless and you put in the hours, you work your ass off to keep that high standard, all in the hope of having that one miraculous class that never comes.

I realized that that class would never come when I entered university.

University, I’d told myself, would be my Arcadia, my Eden, my academic paradise where all my hard work would be rewarded!
Instead, I only found more drudgery, more incompetent professors, more disinterested students and even more bureacracy. To say that I was “disappointed” would be putting it very lightly.

I became disoriented and disenchanted. I realized that I could get through most classes with half-assed effort, I was hardly ever challenged, I floated along and hated every second of it. I blamed my boring teachers, the imperfect system, the teachers who had given me hope only for me to watch it crash and go up in flames.

What do you think you’re doing?

Being badass, cool and detached, most likely.

You dream of yourself as a master and your subjects as slaves. They bow to your will, they dance to your tune, you command them with the snap of a finger.

“Look, you slave of the system”, you say, lying on a velvet sofa, “Look, at how it hardly takes any effort for me to pass these classes! Look at how I spend my time doing things I actually like and that are actually worth it, unlike these stupidly easy classes taught by stupidly incompetent professors in a stupidly screwed-up system! Look at me, being edgy and drowning in self-hatred because I can physically feel myself gliding off the rails that made me so “special” and becoming one of the average people in the masses, haha. Ha. Ha. Screw academia, but still give me good grades, amirite?”

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend that never studies for classes, comes for three lectures per semester and still manages to get perfect grades because everything you do in school is, like, so five years ago. That one friend who has read all the classics in their spare time, has conquered and enslaved all the knowledge actually worth knowing, will quote obscure Polish philosophers you’ve never heard of and plays the piano with a perfect pitch. They’re the wisest, most culture-non-conforming people you know - they’ve been up until 5am, wandering the streets and drinking vodka from a bottle while forcefully pentrating the mysteries of the universe all by themselves until they finally fall asleep on a park bench and awake with an epiphany about Klein bottles.
They’re “special”.

What are you actually doing?

Caring more about appearing “special” than actually trying to be “special”, that’s what you’re doing.

But, look, what made you so “special” and “different” in the first place was not a “calling” or “gifts” or the fact that you wrote good grades and were destined for greatness.

Here’s a handy chart I’ll use later - you were lucky enough to fall into the green zone, lucky enough to be born with an innate respect and a love for learning. That’s what made you “special”. That’s what made you succeed. Not pressure, not warped ideals and certainly not the fear of failure.


But somewhere along the way you forgot that and only focussed on the results. You started to believe yourself to be so special that everybody else should cater to you.
The fancy titles, the awe-struck looks, the “You’re so amazing”s and the “The genius of a decade”, the planned Nobel prize speech and the prestige, the dream others had lovingly created for you and you had slowly absorbed and warped as your own? It got to you. Hell, it got to me.
And it became more important than learning itself.
Somewhere along the way, you and I, we became an arrogant and lazy assholes.

You looked down on your easy courses and homework and instead of recognising how lucky you are, doing it in a minute and a half and then putting in the extra work on top to dig deeper and to maybe contribute something of value and fun, you threw it aside with a snide remark as beneath you.
Of course it wasn’t fun. Of course it wasn’t challenging. You never even tried to make it either.

(And don’t get me wrong: I honestly do think that the education system as it is right now needs MAJOR reforms. But right now? It is what it is. And instead of making the best of it and doing what you once loved so much, you succumbed to societal pressures you found yourself unable to fulfill and said “meh”.
You cared so much about the fame and the title that the relationship itself didn’t matter.)

But this isn’t the master-slave relationship you imagine it to be.
It’s a trophy-friendship. Once upon a time, you got on really well with this person and other people loved your friendship. You fell in love with the ideal, with their connections, their money, their prestige, their name on a CV, and you stuck around just for that.
You valiantly ignore the reality of the state of things between you two
and take them out only when absolutely needed, only when things are this close to falling apart and so you keep walking a fine, fine line.
Whenever a deadline approaches, you shower them with attention and love and, gingerly, they open up to you and you see a depth and complexity to them that astounds you and makes you think “Imagine! Imagine how much more I could have seen if only I’d started earlier?”
But the moment the crisis has passed, you toss them aside once again.

Because this is enough to make your name.
You may not remember much about these nights or about the person at all, but the only thing that counts is that it will fulfill your “special” prophecy and make you a legend, right?

Well, always remember this:
(read picture from right to left)

You’re not “special” if you made it to university. You’re not “special” if you’ve made your name. 
It comes down to a simple choice: do you value appearances over integrity or the other way round? Do you dare to look like a fumbling idiot again when you start something new? Is the “appearing like an idiot”-part more important to you than the “learning/creating something new”-part? 
Have a think about it.

3) Worship

“Alright”, you’ll say, “Alright. I get it. So I’ll treat my “friends”/subjects with respect and integrity and I’ll take all the time and concentration I can bestow upon them, just as I would upon real friends. But do you want me to be like, uh - like…

What is it?

“…like one of those anime characters that lives only for their dream and gets up at like 6am, does the thing, talks about the thing, breathes the thing, goes to bed, dreams of the thing and then wakes up at 6am to do the thing?”

(Google: Did you mean Hinata Shouyou?

Yes, yes, I did, google.)

Well, no, I don’t want you to do that. See, that’s the other extreme and unless you’re an anime character, chances are that it won’t work out for you. 

How did you get here?

Personally, I was caught in this trap for a loooooong time. Anime offered me a new way of relating to my passions that neither my family nor my school had ever shown me: unabashed obsession.
I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be obsessed. I wanted to give myself up to a higher ideal, something above human consciousness, something that would endure. I wanted to, well, get up at 6am, do the thing, talk about the thing, breathe the thing and so on - “the thing” in question being, of course, studying. I made elaborate plans, complicated lists, study-plans that shift on a daily basis and cover all grounds, I wanted to study for two hours before school, wanted to repeat lessons, wanted to give myself up to knowledge, made cool covers for my notebooks, made mock exams for my friends to use, planned to focus on each continent for a month and study it, planned to listen to one new composer each day, planned to go to the museum every week, planned to analyze Sherlock Holmes and think just like him, planned to - you get the idea.

I wanted to be like this:

What do you think you’re doing?

Being but a humble servant to the eternal workings of truth. Knowing thou art unworthy, yet suffering the perfection of study.

I wanted to go from 0 to 100, I wanted knowledge and wisdom to transform and deliver me, I wanted to feel enlightened, I wanted to feel my brain burning, pushing frontiers and breaking through to new horizons, I wanted to elevate myself to touch even the lowest levels of truth.
I wanted to do something noble, something worthwhile, something that could never be critisized and would always be valued, something with eternal meaning that would echo through the ages and I wanted to be even the tiniest cog in the machinery of mind.

What are you actually doing?

Being, quite simply, an idiot.

This is one of my favourite quotes (David Wong):

“There are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.” 

The same goes for studying. As shown above, studying won’t work out if you do not treat your subjects with respect. Conversely, studying also won’t work if you continue to idolize it as work beyond all work and reproach, as the only true calling, as the realm of the genii and by self-flagellating yourself and repeating “I’m but a humble servant in your kingdom of reason and will never reach where you are, but will spend all my time trying to reach you.” 

Why? Because by saying “I’ll never reach you or be worthy of you”, you’ve already sealed your fate. Some students (no matter how well they actually perform) are stuck thinking that they are stupid and incapable of doing well. Others think that the trick is in the preparation and they undergo complicated rituals of finding exactly the right study spot, exactly the right study drink, exactly the right study time, etc. in the hope of channeling the connection between their godly subject and themselves, but it never turns out quite as glamorous as they’d hoped (once again, speaking from experience).

This is because you cannot force a true friendship if you think yourself unworthy of it. It will always be worship. 

And why are you worshipping?
Because it takes the pressure right off of you
. This always annoyed me about some of my fellow students. They treated becoming a good student as this miraculous and unlikely event that only happens to the #blessed.
I insisted that “no”, it could be done. “Yes”, it was hard work, but ultimately absolutely doable. But now that I’ve been in their shoes? I understand.
Admitting that you could have done it anytime implies failure on your part for not having done it. By saying “Oh no, it is so very complex and divine and a lowly worm like me could never hope to crawl in its shadows”, you shift the focus away from yourself and onto the thing itself. 

But this is a synthetic, manufactured relationship with a partner that does not even exist. It is, at its heart, a kyaa  ~ I hope senpai notices me! (๑♡⌓♡๑) - kind of relationship. It’s idolizing not a person’s true character, but their appearance, their aesthetic and the values that they represent for you. It’s not really listening to what they’re saying, but warping their words so they fit into your perfect idea of them.
Just, unlike with undereage debasement, you do not play pretend that everything’s fine and secretly hate the other person deep down - you honestly idolize them to heaven and back, so you could never possible reach them.
You’re using them to fill in the holes in your own personality.

And that … just isn’t fun? I dunno about you, but treating studying as something that must be done perfectly with exactly the right pen and the perfect face-mask after the right smoothie and in the right lighting by a window overgrown with ivy and with perfect concentration from the first moment and unwavering, knightly passion and exact planning from 6am to bedtime all because I know deep down that I will not be able to fulfill these ideals and thus don’t have to feel bad about not reaching them just … isn’t for me. I don’t like my relationships to be all overstructured and “perfect” and high maintenance like that.

I want my friendships and my studying to be authentic. And that means that sometimes it’s messy and sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s quoting Keats while lying on the floor at 2am in the morning and chugging milk out of a carton, but it’s real.
I truly do understand this longing to make studying look pretty and like a magical realm, because when you’re in the flow that’s really what it feels like. But the beauty comes along with the practice, not the other way round.

No, but honestly - what do I DO then?


Y’remember Hippogriffs from Harry Potter? That’s how I imagine my subjects. Approach them carefully, honestly, maintaining eye contact and as equals and they will respect you. This scene:

This scene is what I’m talking about. 
If you were in a worship-state, you would only admire them from afar, gushing over how beautiful they are, but sad that they would never deign to even look in your general direction. (think of all the subjects you thought would be way too difficult for you)
If you were in a debasement-state, you’d either try to make friends with all the hippogriffs, hopping from one to the other and forming no bond with either or you’d “tsk” disdainfully and try to force them to obey you against their will. (*cough* Malfoy *cough*)

If, however, you’re in the green, there will be mutual respect between you and you will be able to fly.

So what does it mean to be in the green? 
It means not to do any of the above, obviously, so 

  • take your time for and invest brainpower into each and every one of your subjects - be a good friend. Be there. Listen. Even if they have crazy ideas at 4am in the morning. 
  • appreciate your subjects and know that they are more than the teacher who tries to get you to know them. Sometimes, some people just have a really shitty PR department (especially maths)
  • don’t think too much or too little of yourself. You can do amazing things, but that does not give you the license not to do amazing things anymore, rest on your laurels and expect others to applaud you for it. 

  • some relationships take longer than others to build, but getting to understand someone who puzzled you from the first moment and challenged your beliefs will improve your own personality as well
    (side-eye at PE. Yes, I love you now, you crazy athletic bastard)
  • do it for the sake of the relationship itself, because you enjoy their company. Results are presents which, although very much appreciated, should not be the main motivator to keep you going.
    This essentially means that you should think of studying as hanging out with a friend - already makes it seem so much more inviting and way less daunting, does it not?

    (Logic and I, being saltmates. Real friends judge other people together)
  • be aware that all friendships go through rocky patches and some subjects might take a while to warm up to you or you to them. But if you think that it’s worth it, then you gotta power through that. If you don’t think it’s worth it, you gotta be brave enough to say good-bye. 


Look, what I’m actually saying is … be Souma Yukihira from Food Wars.

Food Wars is a crazy and at times pretty pervy manga/anime, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t also one of the best pieces of fiction I’ve ever consumed and if Souma isn’t one of the most admirable main characters I’ve ever encountered.  

The relationship between him and cooking is filled with trust, love and equality. He trusts his cooking skills, because he knows that they have spent a long time together - cooking won’t let him down and he won’t ever let cooking down by stopping to look for ways to improve.

That doesn’t mean, however, that he’s always deadly serious - he loves to play around with cooking and to try ridiculous new things. He never forgets the joy that even the simplest form of cooking brings him. 

There’s one great episode where he puts his life as a chef on the line and someone fearfully asks him what he’d do if he lost. He shrugs and says he could become a lawyer or a teacher or something. So while he loves cooking profoundly, he does not worship it and he knows that there are other relationships he could build up if he had to. He just …doesn’t want to, because cooking is his bff. 

He loves to take on challenges to see how far he and cooking have come -

- and he takes challenges very seriously -


- but takes it even more seriously if he loses -

- and nonetheless knows that they are stronger for the challenges they have faced together. 

So, yes, this is what it means to be in the green. Cherish your friendships, hang out together, be honest, funny, clever, curious and you. 

You’ll be surprised at how much fun the two of you will have, now that all the pretensions and pressures are gone. 

Just …hang out and have fun.

(and maybe watch Food Wars!, because damn, Souma is the MVP of my inspirational heroes)

Have a great day and I’ll see you in the next (and hopefully shorter) part 4 :)

I’m almost too lazy to make this post because God it’s just so self explanatory but my loyalty to Temari runs too deep so here goes: 

They did exactly what I called they were gonna do and made her an over aggressive nagging house wive. This is why I complained over and over again three years ago when I saw they had moved her to Konoha because I KNEW someway somehow they were going to subject her character to this. They want her to be Yoshino 2.0 even though that’s NEVER been who she is because “lmao get it Shikamaru is just like his dad! Parallels!!”. They don’t take the time to think about how her character would actually react because none of that matters now - she exists solely to be Shikamaru’s wife. 

Some people are crying “abuse!” at what she did but I don’t really want to go there tbh. It’s very clear that in the Naruto universe things we find abusive are just par for the course. Calling out Temari in this instance would require we call out basically ever other female character which is not realistic. Domestic violence in Naruto is always played for laughs which is obviously fucked up but not something I think it’s fair to fault the characters for as we’re not intended to see it as abusive (even though realistically it is). No, what I really take issue with is the fact that being an overbearing and strict mother/wife is basically all Temari is given to do. 

This woman was born in one of the most fucked up situations of any character we see. He father was a walking human disaster, her mother was dead, and her youngest brother had a nasty habit of slaughtering anyone who looked at him the wrong way. She has always been strong and confident but throughout the series she softens considerably as she learns caring is not a weakness. She is a better diplomat than either of her brothers and remains calm and collected in even the tensest of situations. Her dynamic with Shikamaru has always been one of mutual respect and understanding which is what makes their relationship work so well (and IMO better than any of the canon relationships we got). Yes, Temari is a take no shit kind of person who probably WOULD chastise her son for his pitiful behavior - but not in the way we’re shown. In Boruto her parenting method basically amounted to “I’m just going to hit you and intimidate you until you get the picture and ultimately just end up listening to your cooler nicer wiser dad.” She doesn’t actually say anything of significance to Shikadai at all - that is reserved entirely for Shikamaru as he’s the influential one in their sons life. Temari is just there to be the ol’ ball-and-chain ~what a drag~ mom whose only dominion is the house she is confined to. THEN there’s the fact that Temari refusing to make dinner inevitably meant neither Shikamaru nor Shikadai could eat - as if a grown man could not make his own dinner and HAD to have his wife do it because it’s her domestic ~duty~. This is extra and dramatic but it actually makes me sick that they’re doing this to her. After everything she went through she would have something worthwhile to add to the conversation other than “bah you’re too easy on him I’m going to withhold meals to prove a point!!!”. She doesn’t treat her brothers like this and they’re consistently shown to value her opinion because her opinion is worth hearing. 

Temari played a crucial role in Suna politics prior to the end of the series. She sat on the council and came with Gaara to all the kage summits/meetings. She was one of the best kunoichi in the series just brimming with potential and strength and ferocity. During the war I began to get annoyed with how much they were making her revolve around Shikamaru’s character because after a certain point basically all her dialogue was in relation to him. That’s when I knew things were about to take a hard left turn for shits-ville and boy was I right. In chapter 700 ALL we see her doing is sitting in a house chastising her son and serving her brothers tea before they head out to a kage meeting without her. We don’t get any indication that she’s still affiliated with Suna, hell we don’t even get any indication that she’s still a ninja. In the boruto manga/movie she doesn’t interact with her siblings ONCE and is not with them in the pit with all the other Kage/advisors. I was happy to see she still had her fan but other than that I left highly unimpressed. Now in the anime she is ONCE AGAIN pictured in a house, serving people drinks and nagging away as if that’s all she’s good for anymore. I know it was played as a joke but that’s exactly what makes me so mad - her character has become nothing more than a trope meant to appeal to the lowest common denominator. The nagging housewive angle truly is the lowest hanging fruit but studio peirrot really could not resist could they.

Nevermind the fact that it would have been way funnier had they subverted the whole “why did you marry such a strict woman” thing by having Shikadai side with his mom instead, saying something to the effect of “why did you marry such an unmotivated slacker”. Can we stop treating Temari like she’s just an overly aggressive loaded gun that’s just one mistep away from going off. I mean I genuinely love Shikatema but I do not think the Boruto anime understands Shikatema. Part of me still wishes they just hadn’t got together because they don’t actually feel like “them” when they’re portrayed like this. No one is being respected as a character. 

Anyway all this to say I’m basically done with the Boruto anime now. I might still watch the next couple of episodes because curiosity is gonna get the better of me but emotionally I have severed all connections. It just comes down to the fact that I cannot handle them so grossly mischaracterizing characters that I have loved since I was 11 years old. I actually don’t mind the new gen when they’re on their own but every damn time they show one of the original characters they manage to fuck them up in some way. We see it with Temari, with Naruto, with Yamato, with Sakura. Hell I can’t stand Sasuke and even I’m mad about what they did to him post chapter 699. I am never going to like the new gen characters more than the original cast so if watching Boruto means seeing them get completely decimated then I’m not gonna watch it. Simple as that. Naruto being an absent father is the worst crime but I have no doubt they’ll continue to top that in future episodes. 

You spin me right round Fatal right round-

Still working on getting ready for Chapter Three, but I’ve been dying to practice animating because I’ve been getting some ideas so I snuck in some practice. I’m slowlyyyyy getting used to Flash again (the last time I used it was…psshhh 4 years ago?) but I keep using my Photoshop hotkeys and it’s frustrating, haha XD

I made this while on my work computer which has CC 2015 on it, but if I can open this file on my laptop (which has CS5) and I don’t fall asleep immediately after arriving home I might just stream me coloring it and adding glitches and such.

Poshmark for Cosplayers (a sort-of guide)

I’ve been using Poshmark to buy pieces for some of my cosplays for a while , and since it’s really come through for me, I thought I’d put it on your guys’ radar.

The basics: Poshmark.com is one of the many online secondhand clothing sites out there, but they’ve been around for ages. People use it to clean our their closets, find out-of-stock pieces, and make swaps. It’s like eBay, but just for clothes and shoes, with simpler search perimeters that you can set and save to your custom size. Best of all (for me): you can make offers. There’s no guarantee the seller will take your offer, but I always try to knock off a buck or two if I can.

What it’s good for: Finding screen-accurate pieces that have long since sold out. I was trying to find a pair of boots featured in a single episode of a show like three years ago; no one had them. But some chick in TX trying to make a quick buck was selling a pair. Match made.

Most often, I use Poshmark to find pieces for cosplays I’m loathe to make from scratch. Currently, that means Prompto from FFXV. This nugget. More on that under the cut.

Keep reading

“You’re going to fall one day.”

Member: Mark Lee x Reader
Genre: Little Angst/little Fluff 
Word Count: 1,944 words

Y’all this is my first scenario, I hope you enjoy! It’s a little rushed, sorry about that! Also please tell me if you like it or not, please~

(A/N I just reread this and realized that i have many typos sorry friends;;;)

-TT

Originally posted by haechannie

Another day at school. At least it was Friday, and you didn’t have much to do in most of your classes. You sighed, your dumbass stayed up late again scrolling through your explore page on Instagram.

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Mental breakdown tag lol

do I use this script or not

also vedj - still going, but will probably miss some days and that’s OKAY
I’m worried for this video, because rather than generalising mental illness as important, and needs to be talked about, I go into detail about the specifics of what I’m feeling. And it’s not pretty. If you can’t relate, and I hope you don’t, I’m going to seem very very strange. But mental illness isn’t simple, it’s not all let’s blow on thumbs together to stop these darn panic attacks, or this cute cartoon girl crying in a corner. It’s so much bigger and uglier and more complex.
I haven’t been making videos because I didn’t know how to when my head has been consumed and overtaken by what I’m about to talk about. But I think I’ve figured it out.
so here’s the thing
you may have seen on twitter
i mentioned that i haven’t really felt like i’m here since i was 17 in a vid recently
and then within the last week that sort of upped as a problem by like, 80%
i went to wales for some shoots, felt crazy the whole weekend, then came back and got very panicky about the fact that I was going mad
I had slept fine, and I kept expecting to wake up better, but I just didn’t
I’ll explain what this all actually is and how it feels in a bit, plz hold
so I got back, and knew that I felt messed up, so tried registering to the doctors
walked there, in my weird dream state, took a proof of address cause I knew I needed that, handed it in, and then they said that I needed proof of address within the last two months
i was teetering on the edge of tears and also feeling really weird so I think they must have thought I was actually insane
I forgot how to say thanks and bye so I think I just left, dunno
walked home, in this strange, bright dream world
tried finding proof of address, forgot how to talk to my housemate, scared she was going to notice that I was drunk, except i wasn’t drunk
and then my mum called and said dodie
are you okay
and I just sort of
broke
i was sobbing, rummaging through bin bags to try to find some sort of proof of address, on the phone to mum, and I decided to visit home home for some sort of familiarity, cause I used to feel so normal and alive in that house, when I was younger
so I went home home, crying on the train, panicking about the fact that I was going mad and all my friends were like dodie wtf
that was when I tweeted saying I needed a break
then I saw mum and started crying about the fact that I left my old bedroom bed in dovan flat, cause I just wanted my normal bed in my normal room so I could feel normal
and I came home but of course I wasn’t magically cured because going to that house is not the same as time travel
i’m not taking a trip to 2012 when I go home, as much as I want to, i’m a broken dodie visiting a broken house and a broken ish family
I even visited my old primary school which shut down, like, years ago, and I wandered around with hedy
I don’t think that helped, cause it felt like it had just, grown leaves and aged in like 20 seconds
it just made me feel even weirder
so what am I feeling? Okay. let me explain. Or try to.
here are a bunch of messages I have sent to friends of mine, to try and explain wtf this is
“i’m so tired
I’m just so tired I feel like I’ve been awake for 4 days And I don’t feel like I’m here I feel like I’m drunk Like I’ve had three wines and shots and beer and I’m tired and ready to go home and I can’t talk to anyone because I’ve forgotten how I usually talk
I don’t even look like me
Everything is so wrong and weird and scary
I honestly think I’m going mad
I can’t stop crying
I’ve got such a bad headache” to lucy
And I’ve just constantly felt like Drunk and blind You know when you’re hammered
And everything’s really bright and you can’t remember how to talk properly and you’re not really taking anything in cause you feel really weird and you can touch things and see things and talk to people but you’re not really There
I genuinely genuinely think I’ve gone mad
And I don’t know if I’m ever going to see things like normal again” to sammy
“Here’s the thing
I’m alive
I can breathe
I can eat and talk and sleep and see and feel
So I should be okay
And objectively, I am fine
So why am I not
It’s one of those things that I keep thinking about over and over to the point where my head is like is this really happening and then I’m like is WHAT really happening
I used to not understand mental illnesses at all
I was like
Just think of cats and rainbows
But now I get it
It’s so much deeper in your brain than cats and rainbows
I used to say if I ever got dementia or something id fight it
But how can you fight it when the it is the thing you’re using to fight with
Dodie has gone full blown mad” to jon
now, thanks to the last vid, and to google, I’ve found out what this probably is
and I’m trying my best to register and see a doctor and get therapy and sort this out and also
I know what you’re thinking
if you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you’ve never had anything even close to this, if you are mentally dandy
you’re thinking dodie
you sound mental
just shut up,
turn it off
you’re fine
you’re obsessing over nothing, you’re attention seeking, just stop thinking about it
firstly, I am so happy and thankful that you feel normal and happy and go and enjoy your life because you can
and secondly, I would do anything to turn this off and feel normal again, literally anything. But I can’t. not right now. I don’t know how.
so. here’s my plan.
I’m going to act fucking normal.
I can still sing. I am still alive, on this planet, even though I don’t feel like it. I still find things funny, I still can taste food, I can make jokes, and write songs and hang out with friends, even though I literally feel like I’m hiding something from everyone and I keep looking at everyone as if I’m a robot.
but I’m going to sort this out, somehow. I’m going to sleep before midnight and wake up before 9, I’m going to give myself weekends, I’m going to do mindfullness meditation at 11am, and Im going to go running at least twice a week and eat healthy and drink water and not drink too much alcohol and treat myself when I’ve done well and not overwhelm myself. And I’m going to go to a doctor, and then therapy, and deal with this. But this will not consume me.
Yeah I feel fucking weird. Bring it. I’m so done with the constant buzz in my head - why do I feel like this why do i feel like this why do i feel like this
I just do. And I can’t change it right now. It’s not going to turn off. and I can’t just stop the world until I feel normal again, because I’ll get to my 70s and be like well shit, I missed it all.
So I’m going to do the best I can. I’m going to make the videos that make me happy. And I’m going to laugh about the fact that I’m a bit mental. Cause what else can you do.

Whilst I type this I’m on the phone to my bank to get a statement sent to prove my address to go BACK to the doctors to prove I live here then get an appointment to get referred to therapists. The NHS may be free but it’s not bloomin easy lol.

gotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.

Distractions

Pt. 1 || Pt. 2 || Pt. 3 || Pt. 4 || Pt. 5 || Pt. 6 || Pt. 7 || Pt. 8 || Pt.9 || Pt. 10 || Pt. 11

Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: You were always there for him. You cheered him on, supported him, but apparently, you were just a distraction.

Word Count: 1548

Originally posted by bwiseoks

“I’m sorry” were the last words you could ever remember him telling you. 

That day you were so fired up with feelings of anticipation and excitement; it was only a few days before your boyfriend was to debut after all. For as long as you could remember, music always had such a strong grasp on Yoongi’s heart. He practically breathed music, hell he probably was made of music itself. 

You had always known about how his parents didn’t take too kindly of his passion for music, but you had always been there for him. You, along with his older brother, were the only support he had until he auditioned for an entertainment company called BigHit. Although he placed second in his audition, he still managed to grab a spot as a trainee. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration if you were to claim that you were beyond ecstatic. You were practically bouncing off the walls when Yoongi had told you that he had made it. 

You both knew what it meant for your relationship when he became a trainee. He had to work hard and spend most of his time moving towards his dream. This meant less time spent with you, but you knew how much this meant to him. You loved him so much that you prepared yourself for the lack of dates, the lack of communication, the lack of affection shown towards one another. You prepared yourself because you wanted him to fulfil his dream, even if it meant putting a strain on your relationship. 

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Yoongi Scenario: In A Heartbeat.

Request: I have one idea ! Since a long time, it’s like a dream. You met Yoongi in Korea, had was in love with him. Bcos you don’t want to be an obligation and disturb his life, you leave him. 3 yrs later, you come back with a little boy who look like Yoongi.

Genre: Family / Drama.


Yoongi never thought seeing you after three years could provoke so many emotions in him, but when he saw you sitting in his study he confirmed himself wrong. 

Nobody told him he had visit when he entered the company that afternoon, the guys were in their personal or individual activities so Yoongi decided to spend his time in work, but when he opened the door of the studio he discovered it wasn’t lone like it should had been. You stood up when you saw him and both of you just started at each other for a good while before you could properly react. You with a bow and a soft smile, him with a frown and a bunch of words stuck in his throat.

-What the hell?- were the first ones he could articulate. -Y/N-

You nodded the confirmation Yoongi didn’t need, of course he knew it was you, what he couldn’t understand and the reason why he probably had a confused expression on his face was what were you doing in there, Yoongi hadn’t seen in you in three years, you had gone out of his life without saying goodbye so now he couldn’t understand why you had sneaked into his studio. All the feelings he had for you started to resurface, all the accumulated thoughts over the past three years making him blind with anger and confusion. 

-How you got here?- he asked before anything else although that wasn’t the question he wanted to ask. 

-A friend let me in- you answered. -It was Hoseok- you gave in with a sigh when he glared. -He did it for a good reason though, and I had to talk to him into it, so this is all me-

Yoongi did a mental note to smack Hoseok or something. -Why? What are you doing here?- he asked now, you were here to see him obviously but why, three years ago you had disappeared in thin air not caring about anything, as far as he knew you had left Seoul, or the country, since he couldn’t find you and god knew he tried to.

-You must hate me, I forgot about that- you said with another sigh, it sounded sad and it made Yoongi bite his tongue to not say anything. -But I want you to know that three years ago I left this country for a reason-

-You didn’t leave this country- Yoongi said despite himself. -You left me-

You opened and closed your mouth but then shook your head. -I did, not because I wanted to believe me, I just had to do it-

He snorted. -What? You are going to say someone payed you to go like some kind of cheap drama?- he shook his head, he was getting too angry and you took a step closer. Yoongi couldn’t refrain himself from staring, you were still beautiful, you had always had the ability to catch his eyes not letting him look at nothing else, you could still do that and he found himself inspecting everything, your hair falling behind your shoulders, your body, your eyes. He was angry at you for leaving and he was angry at himself for still feeling his chest thunder over the sight of you. Yoongi felt like an idiot for feeling like he did, after three years it should have been more than over, but you appeared out of nowhere and he was already a mess of emotions.

-No, I’m not saying that and don’t be sarcastic with me please, you know I hate it…- you shook your head. -I didn’t come here to fight Yoongi, I came here because I… because I needed to see you and because you need to meet someone-

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2

What are you all still doing here??

Just over three years ago, I started this account with not much more than a wish, a dream and a prayer. Sure, I at least had some experience writing the muse— I’d been playing him for about a year over at a panfandom RP forum— but I wasn’t a part of the Tumblr RP scene. I was apprehensive. For nothing, as it turned out. Overwhelmingly people I’ve met here have been kind, generous, extremely talented. If I’ve made any progress in my writing or my understanding of my character (and I certainly hope so) it’s as much thanks to you all as to any efforts of mine. I’ve had to take a few breaks, small and large, but every time it’s the people that have brought me back. So even if you’re not mentioned explicitly here, consider this a shoutout to every single one of you for making this the glowing experience it has been. Here’s to another great year!

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William Nylander - Part 10

Sorry for the missed day, had a busy schedule! 

Will and I break apart, both of us looking at my door. Both wondering if we imagined the same thing. There’s another knock, followed by a voice.

               “Y/N?”

               I gasp and wiggle out from under Will, a disappointing chill taking place of the heat I had been submerged in moments ago. What do I do? I throw a panicked look at Will who looks at me clueless.

               “Will, please hide,” I beg, halfway between my bed and my bedroom door, my voice a whisper.

               He raises his eyebrows but looks around just the same, unsure where to go. Darting back to the bed, I grab his arm and drag him across my room and shove him into my bathroom. Will still has a bewildered look on his face and I give him the best apologetic face I can.

               “I’m sorry, I just don’t know…” I whisper and Will nods.

               “I know, I’ll be right here,” he says, already leaning against the counter like he belongs there. “Just hurry back,” he winks, his eyes traveling the length of my body. I open my mouth to retort but another knock sounds, this one harder.

               I scramble to close the bathroom door and realize my clothes and hair are completely disheveled. Instead of embarrassment, my stomach flutters with excitement. Pushing my glasses back up my nose, I crack my door open.

               “Nathan?” I ask and in the darkness I can see his outline. “How are you feeling?”

               I open the door a bit more, not enough that he invites himself in but enough for the light of my room to touch his face. Sleep seemed to have helped, his eyes are clearer and he’s actually able to focus on my face.

               Nathan’s eyes dart from my face to my hair and I shift nervously.

               “I just woke up and couldn’t remember what happened,” he says finally, ignoring my question. “Why was I on the couch?”

               I try to decipher if he means why he was on the couch and not in my room or what happened that he ended up on my couch. I go with the latter of the two, it’s less awkward.

               “You don’t remember a single thing?” I ask him on confusion and worry.

               “Not a thing from when I finished my classes this afternoon to now,” Nathan shakes his head, his expression isn’t even worried, he just looks bored. I don’t like it.

               “So I wasted my money on a play that neither of us got to enjoy?” I snap at him, my annoyance at his behavior this evening reaching a whole new level.

               “A play? We went and saw a play?” Nathan asks and I want to rip my hair out.

               “Yes, we went to see a play! It was your fucking idea to go,” I nearly yell and have to reel myself in.

               “Why are you getting so upset?” He snaps back, his eyes might be clear now but they still aren’t his eyes. They’re too dark. “It’s just a play.”

               I’m overly aware of Will just a few feet away and move to walk out of my room but Nathan glances down at my feet when I take a step forward and instantly his eyes dart to the right. I can see the shift on his face. Defensive to hurt to a flat expression.

               I swallow as his eyes meet mine in the semi-darkness.

               “Didn’t know you were a size thirteen,” he says. His voice is almost unrecognizable, too deep and hard.

               I don’t say anything but take another step forward and close my door behind me. He doesn’t take a step back and I’m within a foot of him. In the darkness he doesn’t frighten me as much, I can imagine its Nathan my friend, not Nathan the hungover asshole.

               “I’m not,” I say flatly.

               I can see his sneer in the darkness and when his breath hits me I want to gag and take a step back.

               “Imagine that, perfect little Y/N, a two-timing- oomppf” I cut him off with a jab to his ribs.

               “I am not a two-timing anything, Nathan. It’s not my fault you were too nervous to ask me out years ago. It’s not my fault that you’ve been drinking and don’t remember a single thing you said to me in the car ride here. You made me miserable tonight, Nate. Miserable. All I wanted was to go see a play with my friends but no, instead I had to spend my evening wondering what you were going to do next and having to hold your hand like a three year old.” My voice had started out quiet, but the more I spoke, the angrier I had become. Nathan had shied away from me, backing up to nearly the kitchen.

               “It’s not my fault that someone else wasn’t afraid to tell me their feelings and it’s not my fault that I reciprocate those feelings and act on them. I never made any commitment to you and neither did you to me. You think one kiss just seals everything? I made every attempt to show you that I didn’t feel the same way, yet you constantly pushed yourself on me. In doing so, you pushed Jake away and somehow pushed me away as well. I don’t know what happened to you to make you start drinking so much.”

               Nathan is now standing across the kitchen from me, eyes wide at my sudden outburst. I don’t think I had ever so much as scolded him before.

               “Maybe it’s the stress of school or something that I’m not aware of. But whatever it is has nothing to do with me and that’s exactly what I want to do with you if this is how you’re going to act. Nothing.

               I spit the last word at him and his wide eyed look turns cold again. He takes a step forward me and I’m suddenly grateful for the counter between us. I don’t think Nathan would ever hurt me, but I’m still a bit apprehensive at the moment.

               “You don’t think you had anything to do with it?” Unlike me, he feels no need to talk like an adult. Instead his words beat me other the face, loud in my ears and I’m sure my neighbors as well.

               “I’ve been miserable the last two months with pre-med and keeping everything balanced,” his hands go to his hair, pulling at the blond strands. “Everything has fallen apart. My grades are slipping, I don’t have time for my friends anymore. And the one person who I always thought would be at my side is suddenly off gallivanting at her brand new fancy job with my other best friend. She has a nice apartment and money to spend freely. She isn’t stressed at all while I’m over here suffering.”

               I make a face at him, his words holding no argument against me.

               “How is any of that possibly my fault, Nathan?” I ask him, my voice back to even and concern takes over me. “I finished school and got a job. How can that possibly be a negative thing? You think I’m supposed to flutter over you like your mom? I didn’t choose your career path, you did.”

               I take a small step forward, eyeing him warily as he continues to run his hands through his hair in what looks like despair.

               “Nathan, if there’s something wrong you have to tell someone. Not just try to cover everything with alcohol or God knows what else. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. I didn’t leave you behind, I grew up and found a nice job that I enjoy and started my life. You can’t possibly expect me to put my own life on hold just so you feel like I didn’t abandon you.”

               I’m now directly in front of him. His breathing is harsh and what looks like tears in his eyes are glistening in the dim light from my oven.

               “Nate, I care about you. So does Jake, but we can’t do anything to help you if you don’t talk to us. And you certainly cannot put blame on my shoulders for something I had no part of.” I say the last part more harsh than intended and his eyes snap to mine. No more tears. Just anger. Is he going to hit me? I never should have walked this close to hm.

               “You’re wrong,” he snarls, leaning in until his face is nearly inches from mine and I try not to wrinkle my nose in disgust. “It’s all your fault.”

               With a turn on his heel, he’s out my door with his jacket and keys in tow. I stare after him in amazement.

               “What the fuck?” I say out loud and jump when a voice sounds behind me.

               “That’s what I was thinking as well,” Will says quietly. Stepping out of the shadows of the hallway leading to my room.

               “I’m sorry,” I whisper to him, tears welling in my eyes. “That’s probably not what you had in mind for this evening.”

               “Don’t apologize,” Will says hurriedly, his quick steps leading him to right in front of me. “I’m glad I was here with you,” his warm hand touches my cheek to make me look at him.

               “I don’t know what to do,” I sob, the last five minutes replaying through my mind. “I thought he was going to hit me.”

               Will closes his eyes for a brief second, when he opens them again the warm blue is gone, replaced with a steely complexion.

               “Which is exactly why I’m glad I was here,” he says softly and wraps an arm around me. I press my hands to my face and gladly step into his embrace, my face against his chest.

He thought Nathan was going to hit me too.

I have never been so thankful for human contact. Will eventually leads me back down the hallway and into my room.

               We lay on my bed, so much different than before. Now my head is on Will’s chest as I sob. His hands never leave me, constantly moving from my hair to my back and back again. He doesn’t say anything, he probably doesn’t know what to say. But him being here with me is enough.

               “You don’t have to stay.” But I really want you to. I eventually calm down enough to say, wiping my eyes as I look up at him.

               “I’m staying,” he replies back immediately and then makes a face. “I mean, as long as that’s okay.”

               Despite everything, I giggle.

               “Yes, I secretly wanted you to stay,” I say and he laughs.

               “That much was obvious.”

               Will trails his fingers down my cheek, looking at my eyes again.

               “Are you sure you’re okay?”

               I nod my head, leaning into his hand.

               “I’m okay for now,” I say truthfully. I might be upset about what just happened but Nathan is not my responsibility. He can’t blame me for anything going wrong in his life because he hasn’t let me be a part of it in recent months. If he wants to storm out of my apartment, then fine. I’m not going to chase after him.

               “Thank you,” I whisper, touching his hand still on my cheek.

               He gives me a half smile, leaning down and gently kissing my lips. “You’re welcome,” he pecks me again and groans a little.

               “What?” I ask him, pulling back.

               “It’s nothing, it’s just you’re so soft. I want to kiss you again, but I can’t.”

               I frown. “Why can’t you? I’m not stopping you.”

               Will laughs again, leaning back down into my pillows. “Because, you’re still upset. It wouldn’t feel right to take advantage of your emotional state.”

               I scowl at him. “Take advantage!”

               Will shakes his head. “Nope, time for bed.” He rolls off my bed and I begin to protest but his hands go to the buttons on his dress shirt and I shut up real fast.

               He sees me watching him and rolls his eyes. “I’m only doing this so it doesn’t wrinkle. I’ll have to wear it again tomorrow because I didn’t go home tonight. Don’t go getting any ideas.” He can’t quite hid his smirk when he drops the shirt onto one of my chairs.

               I can’t help but stare, he’s really not playing fair. I could take off my shirt. I think to myself but I’m quick to dispose that thought.

               “This is my apartment, since when do you get to make the rules?” I snap at him.

               He thinks about it for a moment, wandering back to the side of my bed after removing his socks as well.

               “When is your birthday?”

               “Fourteenth of May,” I say slowly, wondering what he’s possibly going to say.

               “First of May, older than you so I get to make the rules,” he looks pleased with himself and I continue to scowl.

               “Oh wow, a whole thirteen days of drooling and crying over my head and you get to make the rules,” I say dryly and he nods.

               “Now you’re getting it. Scoot over,” he’s holding the edge of my blankets trying to pull them down so he can climb in bed but I’m lying on them.

               I buck my hips up and then pull my feet up so he can get them from out of under me and suddenly he’s beside me. His warm bare skin pressing against my arm and I can’t breathe. He raises up on one elbow and glances over me.

               “There’s a lot of room over there ya know,” he says.

               My jaw drops open and I huff at him.

               “This is my side of the bed,” I snap and he laughs.

               “Okay,” he says simply and before I can say anything else his body is over mine and then on the other side of me in an instant. “Better?” He asks and I shoot him a filthy look.

               I scoot farther away from him and snap back. “Sure you’re going to wear those pants to bed? I’d be more worried about them being wrinkled than your shirt. Your jacket at least covers that.”

               Will looks like he hadn’t thought of that but I ignore him and switch off my bedside lamp that also turns off the rest of my lights and flop down in my sheets as far from him as I can get. Why is he even in my bed? Why did neither of us think for him to sleep on the couch or other bedroom? Before I can voice these thoughts, I hear the clear sound of a zipper going down and everything in me freezes.

               I feel his body shift the bed as he shimmies out of his pants and then hear them being laid down gently on the floor. I’m glad I turned off the lights so Will doesn’t see my face which I can feel burning into my pillow.

               “You better be wearing underwear,” I grumble and he laughs.

               “Come find out,” he replies and a second later an arm entwines itself around my waist and I’m bring dragged across the king sized mattress before I can protest.  

               I don’t say a word as he curls around me, my chest to his back. I can feel his soft breathing on my neck and a shiver rakes through my body.

               “See, not so bad, Princess,” he whispers and I whine in the back of my throat. Princess?

               “Goodnight,” he whispers again, a kiss pressed against my shoulder.

               “Goodnight,” I manage to gasp out and wonder how on earth I’m supposed to sleep with a boy wrapped around me like a fucking victory flag.

Parentlock Fic Recs!

(So, no one asked me for this, but I wanted to make it. My favorite Parentlock fics for your pleasure.) 

The Men Who Talked Between Words by Odamaki - I think this is my all time favorite parentlock fic. It’s angsty and savory, and so blessedly long. Features a likable Mary who dies in the first chapter, and a grieving John with Sherlock pining after him and loving him and the baby. The three of them form a lovely little family in 221B, and there are too many sweet moments to count. Please, just go give this fic a chance if you haven’t already read it. 

Nature and Nurture by earlgreytea68 - The British government made an oopsie and used Sherlock’s DNA to create the first successful clone. As soon as Sherlock knows about it, he refuses to let the poor thing be raised in some sort of institution, and John and Sherlock end up raising him. We get to see the truly loving side of Sherlock, and see a surprising amount of insight into Sherlock’s past. He doesn’t want his clone son to be treated like he’s anything less than ordinary. 

Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by blueink3 - I read this treasure about a year ago, and I think it made me fall in love with parentlock. Combines the “faking a relationship for a case” trope with parentlock. John and Sherlock go undercover as a married couple on vacation with their baby, and John has to work through the thought of pretending to be this child’s father so soon after the loss of his own fatherhood. Very, very good fic. 

A Slice of Sumatra by blueink3 - A short three chapter work centering around the time from when Mary drugged Sherlock, to when Sherlock and John left London to go track her. Sherlock and John stay in 221B with Rosie. Sherlock gets a little taste of happiness before going back to the game. 

A Study in Reproductive Science by welovethebeekeeper -  Part one of a seven part series. Established Johnlock. Sherlock is hit with the realization that one day he will be gone, with no way to carry on his legacy. John and Sherlock endeavor to fix that, and Sherlock discovers a research project where two males may be able to successfully produce a child which contains both of their DNA, instead of just choosing one as a sperm donor. He wants something that is only his and John’s. 

Go to Sleep Little Baby by MoonRiver - Part of the Amelia series. One-shot where Sherlock is up late trying to get John’s baby daughter to sleep. Instead, it seems our consulting detective is the one who needs it. Sherlock falls asleep in John’s bed. Cute!

To Have and to Hold by SumthinClever - Baby at a crime scene. Part of a series, but could be read as a stand alone. 

One Autumn Evening by testosterone_tea - Mary’s past has caught up with her, and now she’s dead. Consequently, John is injured and in hospital. So Sherlock and Harry have to take care of the baby alone in 221B. Impressive burping skills are displayed. 

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore - John left London to figure himself out, and while he was away Sherlock got too high to remember his own name, and got someone pregnant. Simplistic writing wrapped around a beautiful story. Sherlock as a single dad, and John with a beard. 

Of Madmen and Teddy Bears by pamoonblackbird - Healing one shot. Established Johnlock. Sherlock buys Rosie a teddy bear romper, and John thinks it’s adorable. 

The Hedgehog Defence, or Rosamund Watson’s First Christmas by RubraSaetaFictor - Twelve chapter fic about Rosie’s first Christmas at 221B. Sherlock loves her so much. Very well written. 

Olicity One Shot~ My cure to writer’s block

So this will make no sense but a friend named Matty or as many know her @supersillyanddorky06 suggested I cure my writer’s block by doing a free write. The shot might be odd, or disorganized but that’s what it’s meant to be. I needed to free my mind and by doing this I did just that. Thank you my friend and thank you to everyone who has ever read a word that I’ve typed. It means more than you could possibly know. 

His eyes looked frozen, that she could clearly remember as his gaze carefully scanned over the her painstaking words. His parted lips and quivering fingers made her own body tremble with unspoken fear. She watched him carefully through the security cameras that lined the walls of now heavily guarded building. His downcast eyes and fallen chin made her softly touch the flickering screen. His lips moved soundlessly before his knees gave way; she watched in silent torment as he slowly slipped to the cold ground. The letter fell beside him limply as she whispered into her self made darkness, “I’m sorry Oliver…I’m sorry…” 


5 Years Later…

“Are you sure about this?” the quiet voice beside him beckoned somberly. 

Oliver’s heavy, light-less blue eyes raced upwards toward the tower’s glowing tip. He felt her supportive touch near the small of his back; her soft perfume floated around him like a warm blanket as his body shuddered from his own internal cold. He croaked with tears forever frozen in his raw throat, “I’ll be fine Dinah, but I need to do this, I need to say goodbye…” 

He felt her gloved fingers pressing firmly over his spine. Her hiccuped reply made his chest burn, “Did she know?” 

His chin fell instantly to his cavernous chest, “What that I loved her and still do?” he mused tiredly. 

“You’re never going to move on are you?” she asked as her hand raced up his chilled spine. 

“I tried and she left…” he snapped quietly with not even a small note of hidden remorse. 

Dinah’s sighs over the nape of his neck warmed him momentarily before the chill of her words made his blood run cold. “She left because you betrayed her trust by trusting Susan over her.” 

His automatic nod seemed rehearsed when he seethed with repressed anger, “She left me long before that day Dinah…” 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I remember a few years ago I sent you an anon defending Jontron for saying a "Not all men" comment, and I thought you were treating him unfairly with a post you made (I didn't even have a tumblr then, I just went on here to look at your stuff) I'd like to say that after three years of changing as a person and realizing things (I was very ignorant, and defending sexism despite being a girl), holy frick you were right and I'm sorry to have ever cluttered your inbox with something ignorant-

it’s okay, i don’t think any of us anticipated just how bad he’d become

3

Some of the lights for my dollhouses came in! Along with the vintage set for the farmhouse kitchen!!! I’m just waiting on the dishwasher and the kitchen is done! Well, except for some minor stuff like food and a radio. The living room (second pic) needs at least 2 more lights, it’s HUGE and very dark. I have one more on the way and I think I’ll get a couple more when I buy lights for the upstairs. This room just needs a vintage TV and a couple of the rooms rearranged and it’ll be set for the farmhouse! The last photo is of my Tudor Cottage, my Grandma made it 33 years ago and it’s basically complete, but she always wanted lights in it. One of them showed up, and I’m waiting on the other three and then it’s done.
All lights are battery operated LEDs. The cottage is the smallest of my dollhouses, the farmhouse is the biggest. Everything is 1/12th scale. Will update as changes are made :)

anonymous asked:

Your thoughts on why Tony is always with Cait instead of Sam. Sam also admitted he was in Amsterdam on NYE and North Carolina after Thanksgiving via pictures. Is the body language different between Sam and Cait opposed to Sam/MM and C/T? Absolutely. but I am having a hard time justifying S/C being a couple when they don't attend events/spend holidays together. If Sam shows up somewhere &the blonde wanna be posts pictures from the same place, I gotta throw in the towel. I am barely hanging on

Ya know…. why does anyone HAVE to be in a relationship at all? Seriously? I have to say, observing Cait for these past couple of years I have often thought she’s not the type of woman eager to shackle herself to a man. I don’t even think she’s all that keen on marriage.

Against my better judgement, I shall throw you all a bone 🍖:

Remember my “What If” post I made a few weeks ago? Well. I didn’t come up with that on my own. An anon dropped a three part statement into my inbox and said not to post it but I could paraphrase as I liked. So I did. Now, I don’t put a whole lot of credibility in anon info, for obvious reasons. But….

This anon claimed to have worked on the show at one time. Said they were together in the beginning but one of them (didn’t say who) wanted to focus on career and ended it much to the dismay of the other. As far as SOs, anon said they didn’t know if they had others, but no one working on the show had ever seen one or heard about one.

Is it true? 🤷🏻‍♀️ But, there you have it.

Yesterday was the first day of spring and I can’t help but remember that this will be the first spring in three years where the winds of my neighborhood don’t know you. It almost feels like 3 years ago when you were just another story being passed around in someone else’s mouth - maybe that’s why I’ve been panicking so much since the sky became blue, because the in between of not knowing you and not having you - like the line in between the years on a headstone, a dash made of marble and maybe that’s why it hurts; because I always saw us as mouthfuls of forevers and you only saw us as a dash, a changing season - something fleeting. Forgotten.
—  The air still feels like you. n.g.