i made this in school and i realized a bunch f things i want to change now but

Does This Make You Happy? - Alex Summers pt. 3

Summary : When you decide to go on a date with the ice-cream shop boy, you come to the realization that you’re still in love with Alex. When you talk to him about it, things go in a completely different direction.

Word Count : 3.1k

Warnings : angst, sadness, fluff,  minimal cursing, smut, oral (f), unprotected sex (wrap it before ya tap it)

Prompt : (70) “I tried to move on, but nobody is you.”  (74) “I can’t take the lonlieness anymore.”

Pairing : Alex summers x mutant!reader

A/N : last part to this little mini Alex Summers fic. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and please remember that you are always welcome to message me!

part one | part two

master list | requests | prompt list


Originally posted by fyeahlucastill

One month and two weeks. A month and two weeks since you saw Alex. You had visited Leo quite often, seeing as though the entire group of people would drag you out to the mall just so that you’d be able see Leo.

As you sat at one of tables in the food court of the mall, you couldn’t help but glance around, hoping to find Leo in the sea full of people. Sighing you stand up, deciding that he’s probably just to busy to come and say hi. You pushed in your chair starting to walk away when you heard your name being called out.

“Y/N! Y/N, hey wait up!” You turn around to see Leo rushing towards you, a smile on his face. You smile back, standing there and waiting for him to catch up to you. When he did he wrapped you in his arms, calming your nerves a bit. Leo pushed away and walked the two of your over to an empty table, his hand still connected in yours. You gave a weak smile, repositioning yourself in your chair. “So how’ve you been?” He asked, a grin on his face.

Shrugging, your free hand went to the bracelet that Alex had given to you. You never took it off, never have and never will; it was just something to keep you calm. “Good I guess, just trying to get back into the swing of things.” Leo nodded, seeming to understand your situation. “How are you though?” Leo mimicked your previous actions.

“Things are good, I think I’m falling for someone.” He beamed, eyes locking with yours. Your heart started thumping hard against your chest, and you thought that you may have a heart attack at any moment now. Gulping you glanced to the side of him.

“And who is this mystery person that you speak of, Leo?”

You could tell he was nervous just by the look in his eyes, but his voice was calm and smooth. “You.” His words made your head turn back to meet his gaze. “Y/N, I know we’ve only known each other for a month or so, and you’re still getting over that Alex guy, but will go on one date with me? Please?” Leo didn’t sound desperate, he sounded like he genuinely wanted to take you out on a date. And you being you, said yes because you didn’t want to be a mean person.

Leo cheered so loud, that most of the people in the food court turned their heads to see what was going on. Leo sat back down after a minute of doing a little happy dance. He looked down at his watch, sighing. “I have to get back to work, but tomorrow night I’m taking you out.” He stood up, pushing in his chair. “I’ll be at the school by 8:00.” With that, Leo gave a small kiss to your cheek and walked back to the ice-cream shop.

What had you just gotten yourself into?


The following day came all to quickly. When you got back to the school you were harassed with questions from your friends about Leo. “What happened?” “Did he ask you out?” “When are you guys going on your date?” “Can I help you pick out your outfit?” You laughed at your friends, pushing them away just enough to where you had your own room.

“Yes he did ask me out, and yes I said yes. We’re going out tonight, and yes you may help me with my outfit.” Your friends cheered, smiling and saying how cute you and Leo would be, but then again they said that when you and Alex started dating too. Shaking away the memories of Alex, you let your friends lead you up to your room and start getting you ready for your date.

Jubilee blasted her music, her, Jean, Ororo, and yourself screaming out the lyrics at the top of your lungs. Jean did your makeup, Ororo did your hair, and Jubilee picked out your outfit. You knew that with this bunch, your outfit was going to be tight and short, so short.

After two hours of getting you ready to perfection, the girls showed yo what you were going to be wearing. It was a Navy blue short sleeve dress with flowers sewn onto it, with a black leather jacket and black wedges. In your opinion, it wasn’t that bad. You grabbed the dress, heading to the bathroom and changing into the outfit picked out for you. When you lifted your head, you could hardly recognize the person in the mirror. You took in a deep breathe, opening the door and stepping out into the bedroom. The girl’s jaws dropped down to the ground when they saw you. Your cheeks flushed a bright pink, your head ducking low.

Only fifteen minutes passed before you and the girls decided to head down to the front doors and greet Leo. Just as the four of you reached the last step, Peter opened the door and on the other side of the thresh hold stood Leo. He wore a black tux, white shirt, and a tie that was wrapped loosely around his neck. His face lit up when he saw you, his eyes sparkling. You smiled back, not being able to help the blush that burned your cheeks. Leo walked in, going straight towards you and giving you a tight hug. You hugged back of course, but it felt different… your heart didn’t speed up and you didn’t get butterflies in your stomach. Somehow, now you began to question whether or not you really wanted to go on this date.

Leo grabbed your hand, tugging it softly. “Ready?” He asked. You turned your head and looked at him, nodding with a small smile. As the two of you walked out and your turned to wave to you friends, you saw Alex watching you from the top o the stair case, his eyes red and puffy. He looked broken.

You took in a deep breathe before closing the mansion door behind you. Leo lead you to what was most likely his car, and opened the passenger door for you. You smiled at him before getting into the car and fastening the seat belt around your body. Leo got into the drivers side, started the car and than began to drive away from the mansion.

“So I was thinking dinner, and then a walk around the park?” He said, almost as a question as he drove. You nodded, looking out the window and watching as everything passed by.

Leo pulled up to a somewhat fancy restaurant only a few minutes later, helping you out of the car before walking into the restaurant. He had already reserved a table and gotten a space in the back near the window. The two of you sat down in silence, then waited for the waiters to come and ask for your orders. You were distracted, very distracted. Your thoughts kept wondering to Alex, the way he looked when you left with Leo, and the day you and him had your first date. Even though it was three years ago, it still felt like it was yesterday.

You could remember smell the burnt food that Alex was trying so desperately to prepare, the mini food fight the two of you had, fighting over which pizza toppings to get because you’re food was ruined, and your first kiss while you two were cuddled up on the couch and talking. Your heart still ached whenever you thought of him.

A cough pulled you from your haze, and dropped you back into reality. The waitress stood by the side of your table impatiently, notepad and pen in her hands. Leo looked at you, like he knew you really didn’t want to be here, but he kept a smile on his face.

“So, Miss, what would you like to order?” The waitress asked. You were so off in your own little world you had completely forgotten about the menu. You coughed, scanning it quickly before ordering. The waitress left, grumbling something under her breathe. Yo sighed, taking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. Leo looked a bit disappointed at the fact that you looked and were acting like you didn’t want to be there with him.

“What were you thinking about?” Leo asked, folding his hands in his lap. You shrugged, head hanging low. “It was about Alex, wasn’t it?” He knew. Oh boy, he knew.

You nodded slowly, sighing heavily as you looked up. “Yeah, I just… I can’t-.” He shook his head, cutting you off.

“You’re not ready to move on, I get it.” He gave a sad smile. “But let’s at least enjoy tonight, right? We both got dressed up and ready, so let’s enjoy our meal and then I’ll take you back to mansion. Deal?” You nodded, happy that he understood.

“Deal.”


You and Leo talked while you ate. You acted normal, even though you knew that both of your were hurting. He was upset that you were still in love with your ex, and you were upset that you were still in love with Alex and always would be.

After dinner you still walked around the park, still talking but mostly about your powers. Leo seemed awfully interested in them, but you didn’t mind, it felt nice to have someone actually like who you  were .

“So, can you like fly and stuff?” Leo asked. You laughed shaking your head.

“No, and no.” You held out your hand. “But I can do something else.” Leo took your hand, feeling a spark shoot through his body as he began to levitate  off the ground a bit. He gasped loudly before breaking out into a smile. You walked in a circle, Leo’s body still floating as you did so. He came down slowly, his body feeling all buzzy now. You chuckled. “It’ll take a while for that feeling to  go away.

Leo nodded, sighing softly, “Guess it’s time to take you home now?” He asked, You nodded, mumbling a small ‘yeah’. He followed your wishes, taking you back to the mansion. The drive was  silent, but it was also calm, something that you had never really experience before. When you arrived at the mansion, Leo insisted on walking you to the front doors. You thanked him for the night, apologizing for the way you felt but he simply shrugged it off. With a kiss to your cheek Leo left the mansion, leaving you outside.

You took in a deep breathe, pushing the door open. Of course, no one was out on the main floor, they were probably already in bed. You walked up the steps, your feet leading you to Alex’s room, instead of your own. Before you could even knock on his door, it flew open to reveal a mess that was Alex. His eyes were still puffy and red, but now his hair was a mess as well. You sucked in a breathe, not having seen him like this since he got back from the war.

“Hi.” You breathed out, your eyes not leaving his.

Alex shifted. “Hey.”

“C-can I talk to you? For a minute?” Alex nodded, moving out of the way to let you in. You watched Alex sit on one of his chairs in the room, and slowly you sat on the bed.

In unison you both spoke, “I’m sorry.” Your eyes shifted upwards as did Alex’s. You coughed, letting him speak first.

“I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it. Words just came tumbling out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying, and I’m just… I’m sorry.” He held his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry too, for not letting you explain and for blowing up on you like I did.” You sighed, looking down at your folded hands. “I tried to move on, but nobody is you.” Alex’s head lifted a bit, to where you could see his teary eyes. “No one has any of the qualities that you do, and I fell for your qualities and now I can’t thin about living life with someone else if I’m not with you.”

“I can’t take the loneliness anymore.” Alex’s voice cracked, making your heart clench. You hated seeing him in pain, just as much as he hated seeing you in pain. Yo stood up, walking over to him and kneeling in front of him. “I need you, please. I need you in my life, Y/N.” He pleaded, and you nodded, your own tears streaking your face. Thank god for waterproof makeup.

You scanned his face for a minute, before leaning upwards and pressing your lips to his in a very much need kiss. He didn’t hesitate to kiss back, he needed this just as much as you did. The two of you stood up, hands roaming each other’s clothed bodies and tugging at the materials. You were the first one to pull of Alex’s t-shirt, than his sweat pants. After that he pulled off your jacket and dress, leaving you in your panties and bra. You could see his ember harden under his boxer briefs, making you smile and giggle softy. His face instantly lit up at the sound of your laugh.

“God have I missed your laugh.” He said, diving down and catching your lips in his. His hands reached under your ass, tugging you up and forcing you to wrap your legs around his lower back. He carried you over to the bed, laying you down on your back, and not once did he break the kiss. You used each other’s oxygen to keep your kiss going, to keep the moment moving.

Alex took his time in gliding his lips down your neck and then your clothed chest. His hands cupped your chest, squeezing your breasts through the thin material of your bra. You squeaked at his firm grip, forgetting how hard he used to hold your breasts in his palm. His hands slid behind your back, pulling the material down and throwing it to the side. His lips attached to your right nipple, sucking and licking at it softly. A tiny moan escaped your lips, making Alex smiled against our skin. He pulled away from your nipple, a light purple mark began to form on the soft flesh. He did the same thing to your left nipple, leaving purple marks on your skin, letting you know that you were his and only his.

His lips and tongue dragged down your stomach, leaving the same purple bruises, until he reached the top of your panties. His eyes shifted upwards as he pulled off the last of your clothing, leaving you completely exposed to him. Alex’s mouth worked wonders on your pussy, he ate you out like no other, and you became even more excited when you felt his plump lips wrap around your throbbing clit. Your back arched as he began to flick at your clit and wet lips, the feeling all to pure. Your fingers were tangled in his long hair, his hands pushed your hips down and kept you in place. He sucked and pulled at your pussy lips, creating a popping noise whenever he let it go. He ate you out for a few more minutes, just to get you worked up before he pulled his boxers down. His length sprung free, pre-cum dripping from his tip.

Reaching out for his member, Alex stopped you and in one swift movement had you on top of him. “We’re taking this slow, princess.” He said in a soft tone. You nodded, reaching between your bodies and giving him a few pumps before lining him up with your entrance. You gasped as his cock started to spread your walls. Since you two hadn’t had sex in over a month, it took you a few seconds before you were adjusted to his size. You moved up and down his length slowly, taking your time with each thrust of your body. Alex grunted, his hands held onto your hips, guiding your slow movements.

You placed your hands on each side of Alex’s head, using your upper body strength to keep yourself up. Alex swept your hair behind your neck, allowing him to see your face clearly. You gave a small smile, that faded quickly as you let out a soft moan. Alex was extremely long, and when you were on top like this it meant that he could easily reach the unknown parts of your body. His tip hit your g-spot each time you lowered yourself onto him, making your body jolt and twitch slightly. Alex loved seeing the expressions you made when he hit that certain spot.

Not being able to hold yourself up and longer, you collapsed onto Alex’s chest, your movement’s slowing. “Alex..” You whispered, slightly moaning.

“Shh… I got you.” He said softly. His hips thrusted upwards into your pussy slowly, chasing on your orgasm. Your arms wrapped around his neck, your lips slightly parted as you let out hot breathy moans onto his neck. “ Fuck… I forgot how much I loved your tight pussy.” He grunted, hands holding you tightly against him. You moaned at his dirty talk and his sudden harsh thrust into your aching core.

Slow sex was great, but also agonizing painful. He chased on your orgasm, changing pace each time he knew that you were about to come undone. He didn’t do that this time, when he knew that the both of you were getting to your peak he just let you come around him, shaking and breathing heavily. He came inside you with a grunt, fingernails digging into your sore flesh. The both of you were breathing heavily, chests rising and falling as you tried to regain your breath.

Alex pulled out, mumbling a soft ‘sorry’ when he felt you wince at the loss. He kissed the side of your head as he helped you lay on your side. You gave him a tired  smile, wrapping your hand in his. He smiled back down at you, his free hand pulling the covers over your bodies to keep you warm.

“I love you, Alex, I never want to lose you again.” You mumbled against his chest. Alex nodded.

“Me too, Angel, me too. Now get some sleep, okay?” He whispered. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you slept the rest of the night, happy and complete once again.

School Project - 707 x Reader

Word Count: 1563

Trigger Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF

A/N: high school au, first mysme imagine lmao sorry if it’s really bad it probably is


Your eyes followed your teacher as she paced herself table to table, sliding a piece of paper to each student. The clicks of her thick-heeled, black pumps got louder and louder as she made her way closer to you. You absent-mindedly clicked your pen as you waited.

Today marked the new unit in AP Chemistry, a unit entirely weighted on a three-week project. The small slip of paper, which would inform you of your partner, could possibly determine whether you would ace it or fail it. You weren’t too picky with who you would be paired up with, as long as it wasn’t some slacker. Considering this was an AP course, there weren’t very many.

There were several small celebrations or annoyed groans as your classmates peered at their paper. Some simply didn’t react. You were one of them as you opened the folded sheet carefully handed to you by your teacher.

Seven.

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markhyuck hogwarts!au

if you read my renle hogwarts au ignore everything i said about them in that ok bYE


-donghyuck’s a slytherin and mARK’S A GRYFFINDOR OOooOoOOOooOoOooh

-they were friends before they became students at hogwarts right but nobody knows that

-like, the dream team is still alive and well

-but like, it’s lowkey af

-it’s split up into two groups but they all love each other like family

-mark has jaemin and chenle

-hyuck has renjun, jisung and jeno

-the friendship between mark and the rest of the dream team (except hyuck) isnt lowkey and the same goes for hyuck but markhyuck just pretend to hate each other

-they glare at each other whenever they see each other in the halls

-whenever someone mentions the other’s name, they get really pissed and change the subject

-one time they got into a fight and hyuck got a split lip and mark’s cheek was bruised

-bUT LIKE

-LITERALLY ALL OF IT IS FAKE

-LIKE, AFTER THAT FIGHT, MARKHYUCK SNUCK OUT FOR A DATE AND MARK KEPT PECKING HYUCK’S LIPS MUMBLING ABOUT HOW SORRY HE WAS

-WHAT A FUCKIN NERD

-their parents (who’re muggles btw) never got along so they had to pretend to hate each other at muggle school too

-and they had to make sure they would NEVER find out so they just had to pretend to hate each other for as long as they could lmfao

-they have most of their dates in the room of requirement tbh lmao

-on hogsmeade weekend trips, they’d try their best to meet up somewhere but they rarely do :///

-they buy a shit ton of candy to share on dates back at hogwarts tho lmfao

-markhyuck gotta keep the slytherin x gryffindor rivalry alive man

-they’re both the captains of their quidditch teams and whenever there’s a match between the two houses, EVERYBODY’S there to see what kinda shit the two of them pull

-theyre infamous for their rivalry, it makes hyuck laugh really hard

-on like christmas trips back, the dream team lets them ride in their own cart omg

-they literally just cuddle the entire time and look at memes on tumblr bYE

-the dream team helps them hide their relationship from their parents oh my god

-but it doesnt always work

-it failed once and ONLY ONCE but it was really bad

-mark’s parents caught them together once and were FUCKING FURIOUS

-they were calling hyuck alllll sorts of bad shit

-and mark was slowly losing his cool

-him and hyuck were holding hands and mark was squeezing hyuck’s hand harder and harder trying to control himself

-hyuck was like trying to peel mark’s hand away awkwardly bc he was about to bolt away and like die

-hyuck’s the type to think theyre all badass but like, he cant fight without magic and he isnt going to use magic to fight his boyfriend’s parents lmfao

-but long story short, mark bleW THE FUCK UP

-he was screaming on and on about how his parents were fucking awful and how hyuck was better than either of them could ever be like the most emo kid youll ever see

-and to be like a lil bitch mark told them how him and hyuck had been best friends for years

-and boLTED OFF 

-listen, hyuck had seen mark be ‘mad’ a bunch of times but never for real

-mark’s a really laid-back guy so it was rare to see him actually mad

-so seeing mark being all mad and angry and defensive all for hyuck made him feel so special it melted his lil slytherin heart

-and like, mark is such a sucker for his parents, he wouldnt do ANYTHING to hurt them

-if hyuck wasnt completely whipped for mark yet, he was now bYE

-so after that, if anybody mentioned the word ‘parents’ around mark, hyuck had to be held back or else he wouldve murdered someone

-they are SO protective of each other

-when they see someone blatantly flirting with the other, it takes everything in them not to figHT THEM

-hyuck probably gets jealous really easily

-ok so the yule ball was coming up right

-and this ravenclaw chick asked mark to the ball

-and mark was like “oh hahaha… uh… sure….”

-mark was too nice to say no and he’s pretty sure if he did, she’d jinx him or something

-hyuck saw all of it B Y E

-he was F U R I O U S

-he was so pissed off but deep down he was hella hurt even tho there was no way they could go together anyway

-see i see slytherins like big hamsters with snake costumes

-soft as heck on the inside and wannabe toughs on the outside

-so hyuck didnt wanna talk to mark and end up telling him the truth

-so he just avoided him bc that’s what he does when he doesnt want anyone to find out what he’s feeling

-it happened for like an entire week until the yule ball came up

-during the week, mark would see hyuck and try to silently communicate

-and he KNOWS hyuck noticed him but he just ignored him

-and like, hyuck can make mark’s day by just being in his presence

-mark went from “ccccccccccccccc:” to “:////////////////////////”

-mark had to go to renjun and ask him if something was up with hyuck

-”?? no?? he seems ok??”

-”oh… is he ignoring you or not talking to you?”

-”no?? we talk like usual. is something wrong?”

-mark’s lil heart broke oh my gOD

-”oh… nothing.. nothing’s wrong i just wanted to ask”

-poor baby 

-so they didnt talk for an entire week (longest time theyve never not spoken!!!)

-and at the yule ball, mark cornered hyuck

-and hyuck being hyuck paniCKED

-”what are you doing??? people are staring!!! at least tell me if we’re gonna fight omg!!!”

-”why do you keep avoiding me?”

-”im not!! just go!!”

-and mark finally realizes people are looking (even tho hyuck mentioned it smh) and drags hyuck to the room of requirement

-”i know youre avoiding me”

-”mark im really not, can i just go?”

-”tell me why youre avoiding me.”

-”i just really fucking hate the fact that you said yes to that bitch ravenclaw after we decided not to go with anyone.”

-theyre still holding hands btw mark fuckin refused to let go lmfao

-”you couldve just told me…”

-”that’s dumb”

-”youre dumb”

-poor bby mark is more careful to not hurt his dumb boyfriend’s feelings anymore

-the end i don’t know how to end things

Submit Anon: Still Can't Shake This Weeb Stalker

(I apologize in advance for how long this story is, but since it encompasses almost 9 years of history I had a lot to share about this weeaboo experience.)

I was 12 years old and I had just moved from overseas to the states. It was my first time going to a civilian school and I had a hard time relating to other kids, so I spent most of my time by myself drawing (anime-esque things and nature scenes, mostly), and that quickly gained attention from others. One girl – we’ll call her N – was particularly interested in my art; she grabbed my notebook from off my desk and flipped through it, only complimenting my anime type drawings. I didn’t take it to heart since I didn’t think she was trying to be rude and introduced myself to her; we quickly became friends after that.

I never walked home with anyone and usually I snuck out of class early to get a head start going back home, and left so early in the morning to school that no other kids were out walking to school. I was a little creeped out when there was a knock on the door one morning before I left, and my mother opened the door to tell me that N was waiting for me. N told me how she found my house, but after I debunked one story she’d make up another and another, and I could tell she was getting nervous so I let it be. In hindsight this was probably a red flag, but I wasn’t looking for a reason to not have a friend.

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Why am I doing this blog - long version

The one year anniversary of my blog was last week, so I think it’s a good time to post this. Thanks so much to all my followers, my hate-followers, and the people who reblog and keep this conversation moving. It has meant so much to me!

A very perceptive (mtf) reader of my blog contacted me privately, and politely asked about my motivations for why I’m doing my blog, and also wanted to check that I was “ok”. Anon, thanks for checking in! Also, since I’m coming up on my one-year anniversary, it’s probably a reasonable time to take stock.

First, let me address the ok part. I am ok! In fact, I’m pretty great. My relationship with my mom is better than it’s ever been, my dad and I still get along great like we have for the last 15 years, I’m finally close to my brothers again, I don’t have to worry about money any more, my health is better than it’s been since I was 20, and I love my job. Except for being single (which does make me sad, I can’t lie), that’s called winning at life! When I was 20, and older friends told me their lives got better after 30, I didn’t believe it. But it’s really true! If you are a teenager or in your twenties, please remember that it really does get better.

My relatively happy life may come as a surprise to my readers, since I use my tumblr as a place to both discuss politics, and to dump all my trauma, hurts, and bad feels. Also, I have occasional (haha) angry outbursts. It may be hard to understand, but the very reason I’m able to directly address the trauma, hurt and bad feelings now is precisely because of the relative stability and happiness of my life. That pot is deep and the longer I leave the cover off the more it boils, contrary to the laws of nature. The last time I really tried to address what it meant to be trans, in 1999, I wrote 250 pages of a book, and then had a nervous breakdown. So I put the cover back on the pot for 15 years. But that certainly didn’t make the hurts go away - if anything it made it harder to deal with later! But it has to happen at some point.

To give some more context, I went through a major life change three years ago, where I moved across the country. I was really sold on the “trans as birth defect” narrative at that point, and I thought “This is it, I’m leaving behind everyone who still knew me from earlier in transition, I’m going to leave my past behind. Maybe I could even have a long term relationship with someone and not have to tell them about my situation!”

It was really good for my self confidence and self esteem to be somewhere new. When you’re trans, and you don’t quite know how to behave, so people react to you weird, it can be hard to tell which parts are because you’re just not behaving right, and which parts are because the person clocked you and they’re making your life unpleasant on purpose. For a long time I had been chalking my social awkwardness up to being trans - but I realized really it was mostly because I was a slow learner at social rules! When I started jogging, everyone stared at me. Then I realized it was because I didn’t have the right outfits, so I bought running tights and a white hat. Then I fit in! Ok that’s easy.

Except at the same time, two things happened in my life. The first was that I got outed by a people search company, and suddenly my birth name was coming up as an aka for my legal name all over the internet. It definitely wasn’t from “public records”, since my name change was from 20 years ago and definitely not in electronic form. I transitioned all of my paperwork pre-world wide web. It was a big learning experience - I learned that now, just as in the past, the best way to deal with bureaucracy as a trans person who (mostly) passes is to either lie, or to find sympathetic people who will take care of your records without leaving a trail, or (in the case of medical records) will just leave your birth sex off of your chart and give you an alternate diagnosis. Telling the truth on a background check form is just setting yourself up for misery! I eventually got my info off of the internet but it took many many hours, several strongly-worded letters, and a lot of phone calls.

The other lesson I learned from the internet outing is that if you are going to actively engage with the world, there is no such thing as deep stealth. And needless to say, a person’s ability to pass can change over time. Trans women have no guarantee for the future! Which is something that’s on my mind more often, the older I get.

The other thing that happened in my life was I made friends with another mtf in real life. I had a lot of mtf friends in the 90’s, but after a (black) mtf friend got murdered and a bunch of white furries, people with multiple personality disorder, intersex wannabes, and “pre-transition trans women” used her death to advance their political agenda about their pronouns (aka the TDOR started) I dropped out of the community altogether. The (white, middle-class, educated) trans community were a bunch of appropriating assholes living in a fantasy world, or even if they had a grip on reality they supported the other white people living in the fantasy world, and the (black, working-class) trans women I knew were involved in a really dangerous lifestyle. I loved hanging out with them because they were real people trying to live authentic lives, but I realized I wanted to live, and getting wasted and smoking crack wasn’t conducive to that.

In the intervening years, I made some very close female friends, but I never discussed my situation with any of them. I assimilated, I hung out with straight people, and I acted conservative. I focused on addressing the main problems in my life (inability to have a job, lack of qualifications, history of fighting with people and being oppositional for no reason other than emotional immaturity). Things got a lot better in my life!

But when I moved, I got lonely, and I realized I needed somewhere to talk about the trans part of my life, because actually the birth defect thing didn’t really make any sense. I was still trans, and it was never going to go away. I identified an mtf “friend target” from trueselves, and eventually we became friends irl.

Being her friend has been really fun! (btw, hi mtf bff, when you read this!) We would go out to fancy restaurants and bond about traumatic middle school teasing. We’d dress up and go out dancing. We’d have picnics and get drunk in the park. We went out to a dive bar and did karaoke. (“Everyone’s going to think I’m a man when they hear me sing,” she said, “but I don’t care!” What a great attitude.) We’d hang out at gay bars, and I would try to flirt with these super hot gay guys except they’d ignore me completely. Haha oh well. And of course, there was a lot of gossip and sex talk.

It was also challenging. I remember the first time she referred to me as a “trans woman”, I was horrified. “I’m just a woman!” I thought. But actually, it’s much more complicated than that, after all that’s why I sought out her friendship in the first place!

Through being her friend, I started to get involved in queer politics again, via osmosis. And what I started hearing made me really uncomfortable. Trans activism had gotten even more out of control than when the TDOR started. It wasn’t just white pretend intersex and pre-transition trans women appropriating the violence against trans women of color, who were out 100% every day of their lives. That’s so 90’s! Now, it was literally insane people like Allyson Clarke yelling so loudly at (female) women that their fists were shaking and the veins in their neck were bulging, all because “penis is female you f#cking b!tch!”

I hit peak trans really really fast. Once I actually opened my eyes, I saw through all of it. Over the course of a week or two, I read every post and every comment on gendertrender. At first I thought gt was a hate site. Then I realized I was just ashamed that other males claiming to be “the same as” me were using their claimed “trans status” as a get-out-of-misogyny-free card. The bullying, death threats, rape threats…I just couldn’t. Seeing fifty year old men in two dollar wigs pat each other on the back after they’d “school” a lesbian in an online forum for not understanding feminism was just too much. You have got to be fucking kidding me!

Over the last year, I actually started talking about trans activism with my mom. It was hard for my mom to accept me when I first came out in high school. But later she became really supportive in a totally uncritical way, and was the faculty sponsor for the gay-straight alliance at the school where she taught. She seemed to believe in the birth defect concept of trans, though certain things clearly made her uncomfortable - like the idea of trans women breastfeeding. But when I told her about some of the really abusive behavior of trans activists, she was horrified. The attacks on Suzanne Moore, Colleen Francis’s indecent exposure, and Natalie Reed’s planned protest against the Montreal Massacre Memorial. My mom isn’t a feminist per se - she doesn’t like to make waves - but she’s not dumb either.

We don’t talk about this a lot - maybe 30 minutes each time I visit, and I only visited a few times over the last year. But for whatever reason I feel like it opened up a new phase in our relationship, where not only is there more honesty between us, but a more open and free love. Mom I know you don’t read this, but I love you! Thank you!

I also started talking about my experiences as a transsexual, and trans politics, with my two closest female friends. That was a scary step to take but I’m really glad I did. I’m closer to both of them now than ever before. Bff’s 1&2, not sure you both read this but anyway I love you both!

Doing this blog has been really helpful for me. I am grateful for the connections I have made with other females and other trans women, both online and irl, over the last year. I am grateful that so many readers have reached out to me, sharing their experiences and perspectives. And I’m grateful that other people have found some of these thoughts and writings helpful.

My blog is a gender-critical blog. I know it’s hard to read for a lot of trans women. If you aren’t ready to read with an open mind, that’s ok. Please keep thinking, and please come back later. I also critique the behavior and words of a lot of popular trans woman activists. I’m not doing this to try to pump myself up (I’m anonymous after all!), or say I’m better than anyone. Honestly, I was making a lot of the same anti-woman arguments, and doing other appropriative bullshit,  twenty years ago! That’s why I’m so over trans activism now. And I’m definitely not choosing to target trans women simply because they’re “more popular” than me. I could care less about that - I have plenty of friends in real life!

All I want is to foster a more honest and open conversation, and work with other women - both females, and trans women - to find a way of reducing the harm that gender is doing to all women - both females, and trans women. That goal should be central to trans activism, except that trans activism has turned into a male sexual rights movement with an anti-woman agenda, built on appropriated narratives. That has to stop.

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy, and productive new year. God Bless.

Model Material

Title: Model Material

Prompt: “Hey I have to photograph someone for class will you be my model?”

Pairing: Liam x Reader

Requested: No

Warnings: Mild language (most of my imagines will most likely have some kind of cussing so)

Word Count: 1362

Authors Note: I was going to make it longer but I don’t know if anyone actually likes it I could make a part two? I’m new to writing Teen Wolf imagines, but there my fav so I felt I had to start writing some. Um, request? (: and give me feedback! Let me know what you think. Very appreciated. (: also i can’t find the website i got the prompt from. ): if anyone knows what it is help me out?

Part Two

“Honestly, I cannot believe Lindsey (sorry if that’s your name) actually dared to wear that outfit today. Like, does she not get that those shoes do not match that top.” You heard from some fellow freshman girl talking to her little group of gossip girls next to your locker, resulting in you rolling your eyes. You hated that you were stuck next to such annoying girls, you couldn’t stand when people judged one another. Well, out loud at least, they could at least have the decency to keep it to themselves. You quietly laughed to yourself when you realized that this was high school and it was anything but a judgement free zone. You were finishing up putting your books away from the first half of the day and getting ready to head to lunch when a familiar voice spoke out behind you. You felt yourself smile when you realized it was your good friend, Liam. “Hey.” He greeted with a hand casually holding a single backpack strap on his shoulder and his other hand holding his sack lunch. “Hey, how are you?” you asked curious to know how the blue eyed boy was doing.

He chuckled, “Well trying my best to stay in a good mood. Everyone seems to have woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” You looked him with lots of confusion. “Really? They seemed to be fine this morning when I talked to them?” you stated making him shrug. “I don’t know maybe something happened in first period and now they all seem to have a stick up their ass.” He said casually causing you to burst out laughing. “Oh Liam how I love your choice in vocabulary.” You giggled once more, making Liam’s eyes light up. The ringing of your choice was music to his werewolf eyes and it was just one of the many things he loved about you. “I know, who doesn’t?” he with a cocky tone, “but how are you?” he asked afterwards, his tone changing to a caring and thoughtful one. You slammed your locker and began walking to the lunchroom with Liam by your side, “I’m doing alright. The best I can be while I’m surrounded by a bunch of inconsiderate humans.” You said truthfully, giving a disgusted look to a couple making out to the side of the hallway. Your response making Liam laugh.

As the two of you approached the cafeteria Liam unexpectedly grabbed your hand, making you push your eyebrows together in confusion. “Actually I was thinking we could go outside and just hang out together, you know because everyone’s in a bad mood.” He said, hoping his nervousness wasn’t showing, the last thing he wanted was you to know that you made him nervous. “Uh, well I mean I guess but-” “Great, let’s go.” Liam cut you off and pulled you with him outside under a shady tree. “Don’t you think maybe we should see if they’re okay? Who knows maybe we could make them feel better.” You encouraged, mainly because you were a little nervous to be alone with Liam. Sure, the two of you were alone before but never without anyone around at all. There was at least classmates or random city folk around. “Uhhh, we can find out later. Let’s just eat out here and give ourselves a little break.” You shrugged and took a seat next to Liam, your arms touching slightly.

You knew you had to control your heartbeat around Liam since he could hear it and there was no way you were letting him find out about your crush on him. You knew it was going to be hard but you had a little experience from when you had a crush on Isaac. Now that was an embarrassing situation. After all of the pack, including Isaac himself finding out, you were so embarrassed you decided to learn how to at least not let it be so noticeable. Once you were introduced to Liam, you knew the second you laid eyes on him your heart skipped a beat, although lucky for you, you met him on the track and covered it up as you just got done running, which wasn’t a complete lie. Since that day Liam and you were pretty close, maybe it was because you had most of your classes together and liked to study as a pair, or maybe it was simply because you had lots of things in common. The two of you loved playing videos games, both had a hatred for Brett Talbot, had Mason as a best friend, and so much more.

“Hey so you know that photography class I’m taking?” Liam asked, breaking the silence. You nodded, chewing the sandwich in your mouth. “We got an assignment to have someone model for us. We have to make a slideshow with about 30 pictures.” He stated. You finished swallowing the rest of your sandwich and pushed your eyebrows up in amusement. “Oh really? That sounds fun! Who are you gonna have model for you?” you asked curiously. You loved photography yourself and the fact that Liam did to made you like him even more, another thing you two had in common. You took another bite your sandwich and looked eagerly at Liam, waiting for an answer. You watched him fiddle with his sandwich for a little. “Actually, I was wondering if you would be my model?” you chocked on the food in your mouth, surprising Liam. Once you got it down you looked at him in disbelief, “Your kidding right?”

“No. Your totally model material. Your beautiful and I think you’d be the best model.” He smiled, making your heart skip a beat, there was no way you could control it after that. You knew he heard but hopefully he wouldn’t say anything. “Liam, don’t be ridiculous.” You laughed, brushing off the crumbs that escaped from your lunch. “I’m not. Y/N, c’mon now your insanely gorgeous and everyone in the class is gonna be jealous cause I, Liam Dunbar, got you, Y/F/N Y/L/N, to be my model. And everyone will be drooling about every single picture on that slideshow. Please?” he said taking your hand in his. You were going back and forth in your head about whether or not he was doing this just to have be his model or maybe he actually thought you were pretty.  You knew you were blushing like crazy, but it’s normal for a girl when any guy compliments her. “But what about wardrobe and my hair and makeup and all that crazy shit models go through?” you asked trying to think of ways to get out of it.

“Don’t have to worry about it. I was thinking of just taking you out to the woods and we could just hang out and I could just snap some pictures of you being your normal crazy self.” You felt him rub his thumb on your hand, causing goosebumps to form along your arms. You sighed loudly, “Fine. When do we start?” Liam was about to answer until the school bell rang, telling everyone that lunch was now over. “After school?” he suggested. You sighed, making a face. You laid your head on his shoulder, not wanting to go back to class. You groaned and felt him laugh. He pulled his hand away from yours and wrapped his arm around your waist instead. “Fine, want to skip the rest of the day?” he suggested once more, your ears perked up at the suggestion. You lifted your head up to look him in the eyes to see whether or not he was lying, but once you did all you say was serious, making you smile. “Hell yeah I do. But, can we just relax here for a little bit longer?” you attempted to hid your blush as you watched him give you smirk. He pulled you closer, “Of course we can my gorgeous model.” He replied, his own heart skipping a beat once your nuzzled your head back in his shoulder. It was times like these where he thanked god you didn’t have the same super hearing abilities he did.


Originally posted by brosciles

anonymous asked:

i'm so sad right now. Lexa and Clarke helped me overcoming suicidal thoughts, because i was just amazed by the characters, their story. Now i have nothing left to keep going. I don't know what to do. And it's so weird, because i know it's fiction, but they were the only characters i have ever really connected to and cared for

Trigger: Trigger: Trigger 

Here is my story.

I will probably lose so many freaking followers but I don’t care I really want to put this out there, because maybe this will help someone, anyone, and maybe even you. I’ve dealt with suicide and trying to figure out who I am all my life. When I was little my dad was abusive to my mother, he cheated on her, abused her, and divorced her and blamed it all on us. After that my mom went clubbing all the time and left me alone to take care of myself. Finally she met this dude from the club…after one year of knowing him she married him and for three years after he become my sexual abuser and her physical abuser. When I came out that he was raping me, (It was before I turned 13, Ironically, which is the birthday right after I left)  my mom didn’t believe me instead she turned around and started becoming my new physical abuser. I remember tying the belt around my neck so many times and pulling it until I blacked out. I remember trying to punch myself so someone would just fucking notice I was hurting. It never really worked out. How I made it? I don’t know…I never wanted to become another statistic…I never wanted to be that person who was raped and who was abused…I just wanted to live my life like normal. 

After we moved…I started watching Buffy…Where I was introduced to my first LGBT couple was Willow/Tara…That was the moment that I realized that I was completely and utterly GAY AF…(insert laugh here, you need it I know :)) I would wake up every morning at 7am Pacific time and watch it. No one else would be up with me, I remember nudging my cousin so much to wake her up because to me it meant the world and I couldn’t fathom why she would want to miss something like watching Buffy. THAT my dear friend was when I realized I was gay. I was so freaking gay, that when I realized it, I realized just how gay I acted when I was younger too.

When my mom found out, ffs, the abusing did not stop. She got worse. I remember one time, I’ll never forget it….we were living with my grandparents…and she blamed me for a bunch of shit and I could not take it anymore and I ran downstairs and grabbed a knife… to try and kill myself. My mom choked me out and said go ahead and do it and my grandpa was the one who stopped me from killing myself. When she found out I was gay she took my phone and pulled me out of my bed by my hair. I even was forced to switch schools. 

Eventually she did get better…but it took me moving out without her knowing and worrying where I was to get her to understand that this was who I am and I would not change for anyone. 

Even when I did move back in with her though, she sat there and ignored the fact that I was gay. She said oh I should do this, or date that guy, or etc. etc. etc…. 

But then The 100 came around and that was when she finally loved and was able to talk about the same person I loved. The person who was just like me…loving caring passionate and a lesbian. When Lexa died she was crying and sobbing and telling me to tell the writers she was mad that they killed her….

I’m crying right now. (I just can’t freaking stop)

I know this was a harsh turn of events… and I know I’m not really elaborating my story in a way that might make sense and I am sorry I truly am. This is hard for me and I just….I’ll answer any of your questions…

My thing is…that things have to start somewhere. I really wish that I was done fighting. I remember (back in my ol’ day) fighting in SF for Prop 8 I remember marching and before I even got to where everyone was the voices of those in pain and begging for equality were bouncing off the buildings of streets so far down. I was crying. I saw the light and heard the voices before I ever saw the people.

YOUR VOICE IS EVERYTHING. YOU ARE EVERYTHING.

I don’t know how many times I stood at city hall listening to parents talk about how their children died because of hate crimes, I don’t know how many times I was bullied holding my girlfriends hand down the street. I don’t know..how many times I sat there watching TV wishing I could have the happy ending too. 

But sometimes I can’t…

But I will take what I can get. I will take that this fandom has helped me be creative for an LGBT cause/purpose. I will take that this fandom INSPIRED me to write something to help propel the LGBT cause/purpose. I will take that the fact that Lexa dying made my mother cry…my homophobic mom who never wanted to acknowledge who I am….crying because Lexa died…because Lexa was someone she actually genuinely liked. No matter what freaking sexuality she belonged too. My mom felt something.

And GOD I wish it was done differently, I wish we weren’t Tara Maclayed into Lexa’s death. I really wish we weren’t but at the same time….Look where our f/f fandom stands.. Are we not the strongest?! Are we not the most loyal?! 

I stayed alive because I know there are others who are going to struggle and hurt the same way that I have… I try to write and be here because I know there are others who struggle and hurt the same way.

We are the people we need to rely on. We ourselves. This fandom is so freaking talented. Use what you can and help propel the LGBT community further, use what you can to help propel others into a more positive direction. 

Don’t like that Lexa, our only Lesbian character died. Good. I don’t like it either, so LETS CHANGE IT. 

I know a lot of you are amazing writers, I know a lot of you are amazing artist, use it. If you don’t know what you’re good at that’s okay. Struggle to find what you love to do, don’t let anyone ‘dictate your agenda’. I know I’m still struggling to find out who I am and who I want to be and how I want to make a difference…and sometimes I wonder if I even can…But if I can help one person it’s worth it…no? 

All in all, what I am saying, is that yes it is awful…the whole situation and the fact that things keep happening like this within our media, but don’t give up because we need you. Don’t give up because this feeling that you feel now someone else is feeling it too, someone else has felt it, and someone else will feel it. 

Keep fighting. Keep producing things. Keep putting things out there that will make someone feel better. 

I know that this is probably the shittiest advice you’ve ever heard. 

I’m sorry. 

And It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel anger, it’s okay to feel hurt, dejected, and tired. Take a break. Sleep, relax, read a book, anything. But also don’t be afraid to be the change you want to see in life. 

I love you all so much and thank you for being apart of The 100 journey with me. 


Boom oooooo—- fuck it … always here. There’s never a may we meet again because we always will meet again :)