i made this awhile ago but never posted it on my other blog

anonymous asked:

why do you identify as agender

well okay

when i was very young i was never a stereotypical young girl, i was interested in  both “female toys” & “male toys” like some other children. I hung out with boys during my youth as i related to them more than girls. I was misgendered countless times , when i  was once in the school bathroom one time a girl questioned what i was doing in there bc she thought i was a boy, one time a boy actually came up to me and asked “r u a boy or a girl” i told him girl, he said “no ur a boy” ahjshdk idk why,, anyway i was considered a “tomboy”

then came my teens, i started questioning whether i was a male or female, for awhile i thought i like girls bc i never had a crush before, i tHINK i might be aromantic bc still 2 this day all the people I thought I had crushed on turned out to be platonic, but idk im still figuring stuff out :,v I told one of my closest friends at school that I thought i might have been genderfluid, she’s still one of my closest friends (ahdjfk i found out awhile ago after telling her tht she was gonna get me a binder bc she didn’t know what to do aaH). Idk throughout my life I’ve never really believed I was a girl, but I never thought I was a boy either,, 

Then i came across the term they/them, I was really surprised and did more research on it, knowing my siblings were following my blog i said http://luxjii.tumblr.com/post/141979349744/what-r-ur-preferred-pronouns she/they instead of just they/them, at the time it didn’t really bother me, but now being called her just makes me go “yikes” and it makes me uncomfortable 

the only people I don’t mind calling me female pronouns is my family, first of bc they’ve lived w me for my whole life calling me she/her, and I don’t mind, same goes for my friends irl even tho I’d really appreciate if they used they/them ahaha. Awhile ago I actually told them I would like it if they called me they/them ,, aaa it was pretty scary/awkward bc i didn’t know if they’d think I’m just “acting like a tumblr person” idkkk, but they were OK w it, I mean I don’t think they’ve called me they/them but at least I told them,,

http://luxjii.tumblr.com/post/146843176929/rules-tag-20-followers-to-know-better-tagged-by 9 months ago i was figuring out who i was, “Gender: o, um idk non binary? genderfluid ?? agender ??? nO GENDER ???” But now I definitely know I’m agender. I’ve never seen myself as a masculine or feminine person either, just inbetween I guess, I’ve never felt like female or male , so being agender should be understandable :O

wowowow this is rlly long , if u made it through ,thank you for taking your time to understand what I’ve gone through and appreciating my gender identity !

The Little Shop across the Street

CS AU: I work at a flower shop and you’re a tattoo artist from across the street and you always come in here to practice drawing flowers and you’re really hot

Happy Valentine’s Day @high-seas-swan !!!! It is I, your CSSV. I’m sorry I was not able to woo you as you deserved, but life got really hectic around here…

Lana, I hope you like this little token of my appreciation. I saw a post on your blog where it said you wanted someone to write this prompt, so well, here it is!

Huge thanks to @nowforruin for beta duties on this one.

Ao3 FF.net

The Little Shop across the Street

He couldn’t recall how long the shop across the street had been closed, but Killian could remember with clarity the day everything changed for him.

He was walking down the street early in the morning, ready to open his flower shop - Jewel of the Rose - when he spotted the blonde figure struggling with her keys trying to open the door of the shop.

He was about to cross the street to offer his help - mentally calculating how could he manage to do so with only one hand that was currently carrying his morning cup of coffee - when the blonde seemed to take matters into her own hands - or legs - and kicked the door open. Killian raised his eyebrows in admiration as he witnessed the angel of fury straighten her shirt before she picked up the cardboard box that was set on the sidewalk and entered the building. His eyes focused on capturing the very last moment of her presence on the street as he watched her slam shut what was left of the door.

One thing was clear.  Whoever that woman was - and whatever business she was opening - it was going to make his life a lot more interesting.

It took a few more weeks until the shop opened. Each day Killian arrived to open his shop to find the blonde woman already across the street, busy carrying boxes, painting, or organizing.  The sign was the last thing she put up and Killian quickly made his way towards the front windows of his shop to watch her hang it.

Swan Tattoos.

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anonymous asked:

RFA+Unknown+V if they meet MC and find out she's a single mother

I HAD TO REWRITE THIS BECAUSE MY CAT PRESSED A BUTTON THAT REFRESHED MY TUMBLR AND I LOST EVERYTHING NDBSHDFGIDSFVIUSGF

anyways i got another request asking for a MC who was pregnant while they met so im making amix of both because theyre so similar requests

*NOTE*: I had to stray away from the secret endings when I wrote for him so pls don’t hate me


Yoosung

- he isn’t exactly ready to be a father mainly because he’s still in college and addicted to games

- super nervous about meeting your son despite the fact he’s still a toddler, only being three years old

- your son is your own flesh and blood and he knows you’d choose him over any man out there who you think might not be a good enough father role for him. Yoosung is no exception for this and he knows it, which is also why he is ,understandably , nervous

- you have to comfort him and tell him you think he would make the perfect father for Ryun (your son) and that you’re certain he’ll love him

- Yoosung is a nervous wreck when the day comes when he’s supposed to meet Ryun

- he has no idea if he’s supposed to bring the boy some kind of gift or not. Its been a while since he had been three years old and he has no idea what toddlers like

- he decides to bring Ryun his favorite figurine of his favorite LOLOL character and he makes his way to the park where you two are supposed to meet

- Ryun absolutely adores Yoosung which makes both you and Yoosung ecstatic

- he’s now constantly asking to go visit yoosung (assuming you and him haven’t moved in with eachother yet)

- he cried the first time Ryun called him dad

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*Headcanons*

You sir gave me the idea of Demon!Hanzo finding out that his human s/o is pregnant with his batch ( demon term of litter or baby ?

I always like to add in background information to my imagines, even if they harness a simple subject, so I hope you don’t mind me talking about domestic demon Hanzo and how much you’re important to him at the beginning (*ノωノ) I just like to paint a picture for readers to look at!

I’ll be moving this to the monster blog as well, I’m just posting it here as well since it was in the Comfort-Blankets askbox first.

Stay spooky my friend! <3

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10

My favorite part of [voicing Darth Maul for Lego Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Out] had to be that “I’m So Awesome” song, of course. But I’ve done these Star Wars jobs for awhile now, and I’m a Star Wars fan, so I daresay I know Star Wars pretty well. So to be able to kind of poke fun at it is a good time, especially when you don’t really go too far with it. I have tremendous respect for George Lucas and Star Wars, but yeah, to take a not so serious approach to it is definitely a rare opportunity. - Sam Witwer [x]

We Meet Again Pt. 2

Over You

(Continuation of: http://gilinskysukulele.tumblr.com/post/136286872789/you-and-jack-have-been-dating-for-3-years-and-you )

A/N: Wrote this awhile ago but never posted it. Enjoy the drama that is about to unfold my loves :) Requests are now open. xx 


Something about today just made me feel different. Or maybe I’ve felt this way for a while now. Whatever it was, I liked it. I felt in control. I felt like I was me again. Nothing could change that. Not even Jack Gilinsky.

It’s been over a year since we broke up and since I caught him cheating on me with Madison. I cringe at the image of them together in our bed. But this whole experience made me realize that he was holding me back. I spent so much time worrying about what Jack wants or what Jack needs. When I should have been worried about what I wanted and what I needed. And what I needed back then was to get as far away from him as possible. And what I want right now is for that to stay that way for a long time.

We haven’t spoken since that day. Well, that’s not true. The last time I spoke to him was when I went over to our apartment with Sammy to get all of my things. It wasn’t the kind of conversation he wanted I know that for sure. It was more of “here’s what I’m taking and here’s what you can keep.” Then handing him a list and emphasizing that he should be happy to be keeping our California King sized bed. I still remember Sammy trying his best not to laugh at Jack’s dumbfounded expression. Sammy’s laugh reassured me that I was going to be okay. And I was. He was a big part of helping me get over Jack.  

Well after some awkward exchanges and Jack begging me to stay, I managed to get all of my stuff back. And that was the last time I ever saw him. Sammy sees him all the time, but that’s because they’re childhood friends. I did ask Sammy to not share any information about my whereabouts with him. After all, he didn’t deserve to know at least that.

I started living with Sammy at his request because he felt like I would distance myself from him because of the fact that him and Jack were still friends. To be honest, I’m glad he convinced me to stay with him because I would have left everyone behind in search of a new beginning. But Sammy still made that possible. It did not take long for me to forget about Jack.

The only way I could let go of what happened was if I forgave him. And I did. I realized that I was more hurt over the fact that he chose someone else over me. I figured it was a girl thing. When a guy cheats on you, you start wondering about yourself and what made him come to this point. And what was the reason that made him cheat on you in the first place. Was it your hair? Your eyes? Did I not have big breasts? Was my butt not big enough? Was it my smile?

Then I remembered that I was questioning myself over a guy. I wasn’t created to be that “girl” that he wanted. I was created to be the girl I wanted. The girl I was comfortable with. The girl that made me happy; someone independent and intelligent. I was perfect for me. And just like that I was over him.

Everything exciting happened when I started dating Sammy.

We started going on dates way before we actually started calling them that. Everyone assumed we were together because we lived together. And eventually it just became that way. I found out Sammy liked me from his best friend Anastasia. She spilled everything to me much to Sammy’s dismay. But I fell for him the moment I noticed all the little things. He went out of his way for me. Sort of what I did for Jack, only difference is that I would go out of my way for Sammy. And then everything fell into place.

Living together became a sleepover every day. We would go out to eat or stay in and cook. Movie nights or movie days. He’d even come to work with me on his day offs and my best friend Lindsey and I loved having him with us. He definitely had a sense of fashion once he got over his bleached hair and helped us a lot when it came to putting together blog ideas. But he was just full of joy, he lit up every room he walked in. And I finally felt like I was somewhere good.

“Hey babe, Lindsey called. She said she tried to get a hold of you for ten minutes now. Where’s your phone?” Sammy yelled from outside of our room.

“What? I can barely hear you,” I yelled back from the closet.

He followed the trail of my voice and found me sitting on the floor. “Lindsey’s been calling you, where’s your phone?” He repeated, chuckling at me on the floor doing my makeup. “Why are you on the floor? You do have a chair for a reason.”

Since Sammy and I started dating, we decided to get a house. The apartment will forever be missed but it was time to expand and he was someone I was willing to do it with. The closet I was currently in was a walk in closet, which was why there was always yelling in this house. It had to be my dream home. Black and White everything with some pink here and there in the closet and everything that was mine. Sammy on the other hand chose blue for his things. It was the most agreeable and cutest décor I’ve ever seen.

“I was plucking my eyebrows because there were one or two hairs that grew back and I couldn’t see sitting down on the chair. So I sat here and ended up getting lazy,” I lost my train of thought as I finished my eyeliner and moved on to mascara.

“So you stayed on the floor? What am I going to do with you?” He laughed and reached over to the vanity grabbing the phone.

“I didn’t hear it ring,” I looked up at him innocently. But I lied. If I pretended I didn’t hear my phone, then that would buy me extra time.

Lindsey and I were having our typical girls’ night or day because it was around lunchtime. We never planned anything on these little adventures of ours, only to get dressed and then find somewhere random that we’ve never been to and go eat there. Then we’d do whatever we wanted after that. I mean you’re never too young or old to explore and L.A. was the place to do it.

I always thought that’s what made us different from everyone else. We were still the biggest kids at heart. And it was the biggest kids who had the biggest hearts.

“Of course you didn’t,” he said sarcastically. “Hey it’s going to be kind of windy out tonight, there might be a storm. I told Lindsey to make sure you guys don’t get too wild tonight.” He sat behind me and watched me do my makeup in the mirror.

“Thanks babe,” I managed to say with my mouth open as I finished my mascara. I heard Sammy laughing behind me. “I try my best not to make the face okay.” Sammy continued to laugh. He didn’t understand how there was always the mouth gaping expression girls made when doing their mascara. As much as you try to hide it from your boyfriend, you find yourself doing it. I mean this might be the only way your mascara comes out perfectly.

“What are you wearing tonight babe?” Sammy wrapped his arms around my waist behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder, watching as I put on lipstick.

“Probably the new top I bought which would be perfect for this weather.” I pointed at the black long sleeve that covered my chest but exposed a good portion of my back.

“You’re going to look so cute,” his sound was muffled as he dug his face into my shoulder and I let out a small laugh at how he was trying to distract me. “Y/N some of the boys are coming over later. Nate said he’s going to come over in a bit because Lindsey is going to be with you,” he whispered.

“Just please make sure Nate doesn’t get drunk again and start making out with the furniture. He used my favorite lipstick!” I exclaimed. That was a night I’ll never forget. Nate tried to convince me that it was definitely his color, but it wasn’t and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. When you had a few glasses of wine and it’s 2 am, everything just seems funnier even when it’s not. Like Nate wearing my lipstick and getting it all over the pillows. That was the best night ever. He still denies it. And that was just last week.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into your makeup,” Sammy giggled.

“How did he even know where to look?” I laughed with him.

“Honestly, I don’t know and I don’t want to know.”

I got up only to see Sammy still holding onto me like a little kid. I tried shaking him off but it only made him hold on tighter. RING

 

“Sammy go get the door! I’m not dressed! And if it’s Lindsey say I’m like down the street or something, she’s going to kill me if I’m not done!” I ran to the chair grabbing the black long sleeved.

“No fair. I was waiting for you to get changed! I’m not going until you change,” he winked at me.

RING

“Sammy! GO!” I yelled at him to go.

“Come here,” he pulled me in for a quick kiss. His lips were always warm and welcoming, even if it was just for a second. And he always tasted like strawberries. I grabbed him again as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I held his face pushing myself on him.

RING

He pulled away giving me a quick peck on my forehead as the doorbell interrupted us. I laughed noticing he was smothered in lipstick.

I quickly took off my robe and put on the long sleeved shirt. Then grabbed a pair of light washed ripped skinny jeans and put them on worrying about if Lindsey would come upstairs and throw a fit because I wasn’t done. Or maybe it was Nate. I prayed that it was Nate.

I grabbed a pair of black heels and sat down on the chair of my vanity to hook them up. I folded my jeans satisfied with how cute everything looked. I wiped off the lipstick and reapplied to look a bit more put together and not like I just made out with my boyfriend. I imagined Nate or Linds laughing when they saw him. But he would be too clueless to realize. I opted for a matte red instead of my usual pink. It suited my olive skin tone, but so did the red. I grabbed a diamond choker and quickly hooked the back of it. I put some diamond studs on and took my curlers out, spraying some hairspray. Standing in front of the mirror, my outfit was perfect.

All that was left was to run downstairs and hope that Lindsey did not try to kill me.

 

           “Y/N! Lindsey keeps texting me for you to hurry up!” Sammy yelled from downstairs.

“Calm down I’m finished,” I made my way down the stairs then quickly opening my purse and throwing my lipstick in. Looking up, my eyes met with a familiar pair of dark brown eyes.

“Y/N,” he said almost breathless, but so was I.

“Jack,” I managed to let his name escape my mouth.

First Post!

Dec . 6 . 2016

Title: Till the Morning

Muse: Skate Maloley (Nate)

Word Count: 1,494


He comes just past midnight his urgent knocks pulling me from the fitful sleep I had just managed to fall into. I rolled onto my back a sigh held back at the base of my throat. don’t do it. don’t do this. my conscience begs me to stay put but my conflicted emotions aren’t enough to keep me away. Just the thought of him leaning against my doorframe with a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips urges me into a standing position. I find myself in front of the mirror next to my bedroom door, glaring at the girl in the reflection her hands clenched together against her chest in an attempt to guard herself from what was to come. When did you becomes so weak?

It was dark as I made my way down the hall from my room to the front door, my hands gliding against the walls for some support so I wouldn’t fall over from the nerves that shook up my legs. I held my breath another knock causing an ache to surge through my chest, my fingers blindly finding their way to the doorknob. His lips pulled up into the lazy smirk I knew all too well, his dimples giving him an innocent aura that only a fool would believe he possessed.

“Took you long enough Elani,” He teased disregarding any formalities as he grabbed my waist his lips drowning mine in warm bliss every movement I made matching his without hesitation or question. He pushed me down hallway kicking the door shut as he ran his hands up the thin t-shirt that kept my skin from him. His calloused fingers brushed against my stomach feeding into lustful hunger that was quickly shutting down every sane part of me. “Did you miss me?” the question was painfully familiar the words like poison, part of me convinced he asked with purpose to find reassurance he still had me wrapped around his finger. Defeat warmed my blood as I let his touch weigh me down.

“Yes” one word became another confirmation of his power over me. A smirk became visible in the shadows his hands gripping onto my hips as my legs wrapped around his waist, our bodies carrying on to the living room where moonlight peering through the sliding glass doors of the balcony gave us a chance to look eye to eye for the first time. Although the shadows of the night made his eyes look black I could still see the brown of his irises from memory, his smirk ever present as the cycle ran its course my shirt finding it’s way to the floor. His body hovered over mine on the couch his familiar cologne mixed with the scent of marijuana so warm and intoxicating I felt dizzy like he had me under a spell. “Nate” I whispered his name with such need I almost moaned in relief when his teeth grazed against my jaw hands expertly gliding across my skin until they grazed the lace material of my underwear. I let myself unravel underneath him as he sent me into a frenzy with his fingers teasing the most sensitive part of my body.

“Tell me what you want” his voice was slow and gruff eagerness seeping through the undertones of his words. In my muddled state I could barely think up a coherent sentence my lips drying up as I said,

“You” that was all he needed to pull me over the edge, his gruff voice whispering devilish things that made my body shake.

“Scream for me Lani” I responded with my hands balling up the material of his t shirt into my clenched fist, animal like sounds bursting through my open lips from deep within me. I barely let myself catch a breath as I rushed to get his belt unbuckled his shirt finally finding its place next to mine. Our bodies melded together in a mess of sweaty skin and reciprocated moans, my nails digging into his bare back while I begged him for more. We crashed in a burst of blinding pleasure my fingers tugging at his brown locks as the heat slowly faded into warmth. He stood bare in front of me leaning down to lift me into his arms, I closed my eyes breathing him in as he carried me to the bedroom. I felt the surface of my bed against my back his weight falling next to me with the warmth of his arms pulling me into him. I lay still counting the soft kisses he left on my bare shoulder allowing myself only a moment to fantasize they held some meaning.

****

It was quiet early signs of dawn peering through the shades guarding the windows of my room. He lay sprawled across the bed tattoos and bare skin covered by a thin blanket tangled around his torso, reminders of last night painted on the length of his back and arms. I stood at the doorway assessing the damage a joint in between my fingers all I had to keep me from falling victim to the thoughts of disappointment just as regret surfaced.

He shifted onto his back eyes fluttering open chocolate brown irises meeting mine in the dim light. “Morning” he flashed a lazy smile in my direction the dimples in his cheeks giving him a more boyish essence I adored.

“Good Morning” I returned the smile surprised when he sat up and motioned for me to situate myself in the empty space. While I passed him the joint I lay with my head on his lap tracing the outlines of the tattoos on his arms a comfortable silence falling between us as he played with my hair. I reveled in it all feeling cold when he broke away in the moments just before the full sun shone across our skin.

“I should get going early studio session,” He murmured leaving a kiss on my neck, as he went to find his clothes. “I’m free tonight if you wanna come through to my place this time, won’t have time to come by before I leave” he reappeared fully dressed a suggestive grin awakening my conscience from it’s break as I realized he was leaving yet again.

“I can’t do this anymore” the words spilled through my lips in a rush his features furrowing in confusion,

“What do you mean?” He stood at the edge of the bed the better part of me wishing I could take them back, but the other part of me forced it’s way through me.

“I can not keep putting myself through this shit”

“Lani-”

“don’t talk” I brought the covers up around me in an attempt to give myself a sense of security, “You only come around when you need some satisfying that’s all I am just one good fuck every once in awhile.”

“Elani stop-”

“Stop what telling the truth? Like excuse me for being sick and tired of playing this game. You’re this up and rising star you’re barely around, and when you are I see you for a few hours and then you’re gone for however long. We ain’t together but it feels wrong to me to look at someone else. The moment I feel like I’m moving on you show up at my door. I sit around hoping you’ll come around so I can feel whole again but then when you come you always leave me feeling crazy because you aren’t mine and you never could be.  And that isn’t your fault…I knew from the start what this was but I can’t help that I started to want more than just being one of your girls…but that won’t ever happen will it? I’m just someone for you to use when you need me and the sick thing about this all is that I don’t care because I love you” He stares at me speechless face blank as he takes in all I’ve said, his lips open and shut a darkness falling over his features. I stood waiting for him to say anything needing him to say something even if it hurt me, but words never come he only lets out a deep breath turning his back to leave. Anger tore through my chest the ‘I love you’ from earlier faltering.

“So that’s it you can’t even say ‘hey I don’t feel anything for you’, you’re just going to walk out and just further prove I’m worth nothing more to you than a night of sex!” his head fell and he started walking down the hallway, causing a grey tone to dim my surroundings my shoulders falling from a weight that seemed to suddenly crush me. When the front door slammed shut i let myself fall to my knees tears shaking my body when I picked up the faint smell of his cologne on my bed sheets.

*Yo hey guys this is my first post on this blog so that’s exciting…used to have another blog I wrote on but it was just something I had to put aside. This blog is a bit of a start over to have space to enjoy all aspects of my musical, book, tv, movie fandom related things. I take requests, submissions, any questions or comments, or to talk.

*This is actually something I wrote a little over a year ago, I published the initial one and it’s still out there somewhere but I really wanted to rewrite it basically from the time I first posted it. Now I sort of like it more and unlike the original that I had no intention to do a part 2 for I have left this one open for suggestions just so I can tell if anyone actually wants to read more of what I write! -Bee

anonymous asked:

kate mckinnon is a transmisogynist why are u so obsessed with her

Hey there, anon. There are two sentiments here, so I’m going to address both, since they are, indeed, separate.

Kate McKinnon is important to me for a number of reasons. There’s the shallow baseline of I think she’s very talented ( not just in comedy, but in singing and performance art in general ) and wildly creative, seeing the world in ways no one else does. She can make me laugh when I need it the most and at things I never thought possible ( see: this entire election ). I love her for all the reasons people normally love their faves. But there’s something more, too.

Kate has been an open and proud lesbian for most of her life. She’s said in interviews that she wasn’t always comfortable with it, that it was something confusing for her as it was for many of us, but that it’s the banner she flies and she’s proud to be who she is. That’s not something we get a lot in our community; someone to look up to and find inspiration from. There’s that expression, if you can see it, you can be it. Well, you know what? There are no openly lesbian women in my field to look up to. There’s no one that I can look at and say, “hey, they made it, and now it’s my turn.” Of all the people I’ve ever known in this area, it’s just me. Hell, even in my life, I’m the definition of the token gay friend. I know three other queer women offline – one of my best friends, my hair stylist, and a girl I just started dating. No one else. I’m in a big freaking city and people here still aren’t out and proud because I live in one of the most conservative areas of the country. Hell, for almost the entirety of my teenage years, I didn’t even think being a gay woman was an option. So to look at someone succeeding in Hollywood and be unashamedly, unapologetically gay as hell, that actually means a lot to me and it inspires me.

As for the accusations of transmisogyny, I’ve seen two main points for where that comes from: the Celesbian interview she did and the Fitzwilliam skits. I’ve seen the interview a dozen times by now and I’ve even giffed parts of it, and I’m just straight out going to say that I think the quotes pulled are taken entirely out of context; not just in what she was saying but also in how the world spoke at the time. It was almost ten years ago that she did that interview. Ten years. The discourse has changed so much over the last ten years with regards to everything LGBTQ+, but especially being trans* or the idea of ‘gold star lesbianism’ or anything like that. Besides that, people just pick and choose parts of what she said and ascribe meaning to it that otherwise has no real basis, in my opinion.

Now onto the Fitzwilliam sketch. I’m not excusing it. I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t problematic or say anyone shouldn’t be offended. That’s not my place to decide. I do think it’s fair to take offense to it.

I would just point, however, out how much the world has changed in the last ten years. Ten years ago, the only knowledge a lot of us had about transgender people was from Chaz Bono. There was so little talked about with regards to it that a lot of us were woefully ignorant and misunderstanding of the community.

I suggest people consider that at the same time the fact that she was only 22 when she came up with the sketch. I can’t speak to her current views, as this is not something she’s discussed to my knowledge, but I can say that I don’t know anyone who hasn’t evolved in their attitudes or beliefs of what is or is not acceptable over the course of nearly a decade. Change is an ongoing process of education. Clearly no one at the network or the show saw fit to call her out on it, so she probably thought it was fine. I mean, her greatest crime is ignorance, rather than malice. The whole reason it came up wasn’t malicious intent, but rather that she thought it was fun to say ‘vagina’ in a British accent. Again, not an excuse for doing it and not saying that it’s okay, but her motives were hardly to make fun of anyone or harm anyone. She’s said repeatedly that the last thing she ever wants to do is hurt people with her sketches and that she would be very upset if she did. She also has no social media presence at all and it’s never been brought into interviews, so there’s a good chance she doesn’t even realize it’s upset anybody or that there would be a need to address it.

One thing Kate always said about working on the Big Gay Sketch Show is that it felt like comedy with a purpose – like she was doing something for her people and giving a voice to the community. Was it her place to speak for trans women? No. Was it a problematic sketch? Yes. Should she apologize for it? Yes – but she has to be given the information and the opportunity first. But is it really fair to assume she’s a transmisogynist for a comedy sketch she last performed eight years ago?

I’m not trying to be dismissive of the community by any means. I love and support my trans* sisters. And if Kate comes out tomorrow and says something transmisogynistic or addresses Fitzwilliam without apology, I’ll reconsider my opinion in a heartbeat. Until then, I’ll continue to love her. I’ve got all my posts tagged, so if you follow me, you can blacklist. If you don’t ( which I suspect, since I’ve been blogging about her for awhile without any comment ), then peace out. All the best. xx

pretty fucking cute (leafyishere)

hey guys its been awhile since i written anything (again) and I’m really sorry, but i was just hit by some inspiration so i decided to write.. hope you enjoy :) btw i recently just got into leafyishere about 3 months ago (and this pinecone already has me wrapped around his fucking finger) and i understand not everyone is a fan, but i decided i wanted to begin writing imagines based on him, but i promise he’s not gonna be the only one (i can take any requests) i just decided to make him another one of my focuses 

bold- text messages

warning- cussing, mention of a cyberbully lol

——————————————————————                                       ~~ As your eyes began to open slowly taking in the light of the cold saturday morning, you began to realize where you were. You looked to your left noticing a broad figure lying peacefully. The conners of your lips began to form in a small smile at the thought of being next to him, being able to touch him and feel him next to you and not just see him through the small computer screen.

You and Calvin have been dating for over 6 months now and you’ve never been happier. You were first introduced to Calvin over Youtube, you yourself had created a Youtube channel to be able to express your opinions and not only entertain yourself, but just like Calvin, distract yourself from life’s issues. Most of your content wasn’t as extreme as Calvin’s, but it seemed to get people’s attention and created a great fanbase for you. One day you received a ton of mentions on twitter containing the same link, a leafyishere youtube video. The video was titled “THE MOST AWKWARD GIRL ON YOUTUBE”. When you looked at the thumbnail you just thought to yourself “oh fuck.” First of all you had never seen anything of this youtubers content before, of course you’d heard of him, mainly insults calling him the “cancer of youtube” and second, you knew this was gonna be a disaster because you knew you were super awkward. The reason you were so stumped by the thumbnail was because you could tell it was one of your old videos you had posted when you had first started your channel. The video was meant to be “funny” while you attempted to create a blog while visiting Disneyland with some of your close friends. In the video you would try your hardest to be as funny as you could and would go up to random people and tell them a cheesy pick up line while they in return gave you a face of disgust, it was a MESS. As your mouse hovered over the youtube video you already knew what was coming. Although the video did say some mean things about you, that you didn’t take seriously because you knew the video was cringey af, he did add some pretty cute comments like complimenting your giggle saying “I’m not gonna lie dude that was pretty fucking cute.” As you were finishing watching the video you couldn’t take the obvious smile off your face, his voice was just so endearing to you, you couldn’t seem to hold back a grin. But overall this kid was funny af. You had always enjoyed people with satire humor, because you weren’t one to take things too seriously. You decided to respond to the video so you tweeted him “@y/n: @leafyishere this is honestly one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen. nice job roasting my cringey ass” Eventually he responded with “@leafyishere: @y/n anytime ;))” After these tweets you both followed each other and started @ing one another on a daily basis both of your fandoms freaking out anytime there were any interaction with the two of you. After some time he eventually got the nerve to dm you and your little heart did flips the minute you got a notification that read “message from @leafyishere: um hi there…” This is the message that then started it all. You both eventually went from twitter dms to texting constantly, then phone and Skype calls on a daily basis, you were both hooked. He always made you smile no matter what, to others he was labeled as a cyberbully and a terrible person, but to you he was the only person who could bring such happiness to your life that you couldn’t go a day without smiling over just the thought of him. Things started getting pretty serious between the two of you, soon enough the both of you expressed your deep feelings for each other and how you both appreciated each other more than anything. He always said he wanted to ask you to be his official girlfriend but it didn’t seem right to do it over the phone, his exact words were “i don’t wanna ask you over the phone though because thats just fucking dumb as shit, i wanna say it to your cute ass face in person.” Time then started to fly by and every time you talked the subject of meeting one another always came up. Distance was basically your cock blocker. He lived in Ohio and you in California so of course it was tough for both you and him to find time with your busy schedules. Nights were the times you always had your free time, but for Calvin he never knew when to take a break and spent all his time trying to make the best videos for his fans. So most of your night texts were you trying to convince him to go to sleep when eventually you couldn’t pry your eyes open any longer and would give in to the sleep and wake up feeling guilty for not staying up with him, to which he always replied saying “its fine, i can’t sleep anyways so might as well do something while I’m up.” Which broke your heart every time. 

With time you and Calvin only seemed to fall harder and harder. He helped you with all your bullshit and you helped him with his. Thats all you both needed. The desire to meet started to build up more and more during all this time, the frustration of not being able to touch and see each other started to become overwhelming. One day you started getting into your feels after watching some of his newest face cams, swooning like crazy, and you texted him curious as to why he hadn’t been relying as much as usual.

“baby??”

“yes cutie?”

“fuck i hate us were so cringey… anyways what are you up to?”

“watching some of your youtube videos…”

“no way i was just doing the same thing”

“you were watching your own videos?”

“no cal i was watching yours you dumbass”

“well shit my bad”

“i wanna see your face”

“uh right now?”

“no next year.. yes right now”

“someones sassy today…i like it”

“so can i see my pinecone now or what?”

“i hate you..and idk baby i kinda wanted to take a nap I’m feeling really exhausted today”

“A NAP OMG YES OK GO TO SLEEP MY LITTLE MUG BYE”

“you seem excited about my nap”

“well duh i care about your health asshole, now stop talking to me and go the fuck to sleep buh bye”

“you’ve been watching my videos way too much you’re starting to become a bully”

“SLEEP. BYE.”

“night babygirl”

“night you mug”

Seeing that he was gonna take a nap you decided you could use one yourself, so you laid down and the minute you did, you knocked out. All of a sudden a ringing woke you from your sleep. With your eyes barely open you grabbed your phone and saw you were getting a FaceTime call from Cal. You panicked because you missed him so much and straightened up as much as possible to not look like death and quickly answered. The minute his face popped up on the screen you had a huge smile on your face. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you noticed he was in a building with really bright lights. “Wasn’t he suppose to be taking a god damn nap.” you thought to yourself. 

“hi baby”

“hey cal.. where are you? its so bright” you responded with a faint voice due to you just waking up

“aw did i wake you babe? sorry but i just couldn’t wait”

“wait for what?”

instead of saying anything he just flipped the camera on his phone and you noticed lots of people dragging suitcases and many people standing next to baggage claims and thats when it clicked.

“NO”

“oh yeah”

“nO FUCKING WAY? YOURE HERE?”

“no actually I’m about to get on a spaceship right now with pewdiepie because were about to get off of this horrible planet…yes I’m here!”

“hOLY SHIT”

As this processed through your mind you realized you looked like shit and your place was a mess and he was about 20 mins away. 

“omg i gotta go Cal i need to clean and shit. wHY DIDNT YOU WARN ME?”

“babe don’t stress. its just me. as long as i see you i don’t care about anything else. you could have shit on your walls and i wouldn’t care…okay that was a little too far.”

“ugh fine just get your cute ass here soon”

“yes ma’am”

Once the call ended you ignore what he said and made yourself look decent enough as well as your apartment. Time seemed to go by so damn slow and you waiting impatiently for Cal to arrive. Any car you heard pass by made your heart burst out of your chest. Soon enough you heard a car door close and the wheels of a suitcase make their way to the elevator. As you looked out your window you could see Cal entering the elevator. You couldn’t wait any longer so you ran out of your apartment and stood in front of the elevator doors. As you saw the levels the elevator was passing your nerves started to get the best of you, you were basically shaking from the anticipation. Finally the doors of the elevator opened and there he stood. As he looked up to get out his eyes met yours. You both never broke eye contact as he raced to you and held your face in his soft hands and kissed you like his life depended on it. You wrapped your arms around his neck bringing him as close to you as you could, never wanting any distance to come between you both ever again. As you pulled away to catch your breath, he followed your lips groaning at the loss of contact.

“i need to breath Cal” you giggled while placing your forehead on his. 

“sorry i can’t contain myself, I’ve wanted to do that for so long and now that I’ve gotten a taste i don’t thing ill ever want to stop.”

You giggled as you lightly slapped his chest making him chuckle along with you and adding on “not gonna lie dude that was pretty fucking cute.” causing you to blush more than you already were. You both stood there in the middle of the hall just taking each other in, until you realized you were just standing in the middle of the hall like idiots and walked into your apartment. As you lead him into the apartment you could feel his eyes slowly checking you out from behind and you soon enough felt him slap your butt and say “damn girl you thicc af.” making you laugh once again. Once you settled everything where it needed to be you walked into the kitchen offering him some water, but instead received complete silence. When you looked up you noticed he was leaning against the wall just staring at you with a clear smirk on his face, typical him being a tease. 

“what”

“what?”

“why are you staring, its not nice to stare cal”

“hmm well then i must be evil because i can’t stop”

“loser” you said with a bright red face, to which he chuckled at.

“i can’t believe I’m here with you.. god I’m so happy right now its ridiculous”

“i can’t believe you flew all the way over here just to see me, and nice job keeping from me you’re usually a terrible liar”

“wow thanks”

“anytime” you stated with a smirk.

Most of the time you spent together on the couch without ever breaking physically contact as if fearing that it wouldn’t last as long as you both wanted it to. You joked around and said cheesy things to each other, to which you both would never admit to actually enjoying. You even had some fun in the bedroom, you had to catch up on EVERYTHING. 

“how long are you staying?” you asked while laying next to him on your bed while he brushed a piece of hair off of your face.

“as long as you want me to stay”

“well in that case your never leaving”

“are you sure you won’t get tired of me?” he laughed pulling you closer to his chest.

“never” you mumbled into his chest 

“baby?”

“hmm?”

“can i ask you something?”

“of course whats up?” you looked up at him looking into his eyes.

He stared at you for a while adorning you’re face, letting his mind look over every detail of your face.

“i um, i wanted to do this face to face and now seems like a good time to bring it up..and i know its gonna be really fucking lame but well I’m pretty lame, but thats besides the point… um.. do you maybe wanna… fuck omg I’m so embarrassing…will you be my official girlfriend?” he stumbled saying with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“are you kidding me? is that even a question? of fucking course i do..why else would i call you my pinecone, that’s a pretty clear hint.”

“god you’re fucking great.” he said with a chuckle.

Although you weren’t certain if he was staying forever or about your future, which seemed legit especially since he even brought his set up to make youtube videos while visiting you, you decided to live in the moment as you both slowly let the serenity take over until you were both sound asleep, that was the one night he slept peacefully, with you by his side.

This was the moment you woke up, realizing your surroundings and seeing his figure lie next to you. You just couldn’t believe it, he was here, it was real, and you weren’t letting go anytime soon. Although the future seemed complicated in figuring out how to manage your relationship with the distance and the busy schedules, you didn’t care at the moment. Right now you had him, right now he was yours, right now nothing could stop you from feeling what you felt for this boy. 

“thank you,” you whispered to the sleeping boy, “thank you for making me feel this way..”

“anytime babygirl, anytime..” 


—————————————————————— holy shit that was bad I’m really sorry, i actually really tried but it just turned out supper cheesy and lame, and i also apologize for any spelling mistakes or any mistakes on the calvin facts, like i said before i just got into his stuff and I’m not too confident on his background. 

but anyways if you have any request PLS don’t hesitate to ask, I’m free for anything and ill try my best:))


xoxo esmi

ACACIA’S STORY - HAVE FUN READING

HER STORY.

I have read her story on instagram. But i know acacia for like 2 years. Everyone was talking about her tumblr days. So i was searching for old haters or fans of acacia. In her tumblr days, THERE WAS NO KITTIES OR DOGGIES. So 2 people told the story and it was exactly the same. so this is her story and i give credit to ‘txtpostcaca’ on instagram and ‘acaciastory’ but there is no more acaciastory on instagram… Well there is but the first and good one is now gone. And also, if you wanna see her gifs and video’s on her tumblr days, than follow THE FIRST ACACIA HATE BLOG EVER. and btw, she made up Acunta and Acuntias. Not lindsay, that’s bullshit. here’s the first hate blog of acacia: l0lsummer69.tumblr.com/

Okay so, she had a tumblr who had a great theme. Her name was “letssnuggle”. She acted like every other girl on tumblr, trying to get with the so called “tumblr boys”. Like every other hormone raging teenage girl. But the one thing that separated her was her looks. She actually caught there attention. They noticed her, they promoted her and that’s when she started to gain alot of followers. She started posting typical tumblr girl pictures which even got her more followers. I want to make it clear that she did not get famous first because of her nudes. But then when she gained more and more followers she started to change. She posted pictures like this one pushing up her tits and se made gifs of herself shaking her boobs and playing with them. So after she started getting known and literally every guy on tumblr wanted her she started to get really cocky. She now became your so called “tumblr girl.” The first phase acacia went through was the hard core rap phase. Which no one really knows about. She posted videos of herself listening to Tyler the creator and she used to draw upside down crosses on herself. The reason she acted this way was because of someone acacia was infatuated with. His name was Anthony but his name on tumblr was cr4shh. He was one of the tumblr famous guys. Acacia found this tumblr famous guy named Anthony, his tumblr name is cr4shh. She literally fell for the guy, they talked on the phone every night and she wanted to date him. She was obsessed with him, but he treated her like complete shit. He called her a slut and said she goes after every guy on tumblr. Then she found out and do did his thousands of followers that he was a fake. The boy behind cr4shh name is actually Chris and he’s 17 not 15. I don’t understand how acacia couldn’t have seen this. Everytime people asked him to do a tinychat, he never did. Him and acacia only have talked on the phone and texted. Never Skyped or anything but yeah. Acacia ended meeting the real Anthony. I’m happy she did, she was literally catfished. So I’m going to talk about the video of acacia crying. Which a lot of people don’t know about or why. A lot of conclusions been made up to fill the confusion of this situation. Like some people said she wasn’t crying (which is total bull) or that she was laughing so hard she cried. What basically happened was that after she got catfished by Anthony aka cr4shh aka Chris lol. She got hate, literally so much hate because he claimed that she saw pictures of her. That they sexted and had phone sex. Then he leaked a picture to one of the old hate blogs idk which one though. That’s when the first picture got spread around. Which was a bra pic, in my honest a opinion phone sex is harmless. She was 13, YES hormones. Don’t we all feel a little needy? Not trying to sound disgusting but I bet a good 90% of my followers have masturbated by themselves or with someone else. As a teengaer you have sexual desires… i sound like dr.phil but its true. But yes she did make a video crying, she sobbed and mascara was running down her face. And yeah I laughed, a lot of people did. Which doesn’t make it right lol. But the video was useless cause no one really felt bad for her and said she was looking for attention. Idk, but she deleted the video and its deleted from earth. after the whole cr4shh thing happened Acacia fell for another guy over tumblr named Jake. His tumblr name was Int0xication and still is if you want to follow him. So basically Acacia was obsessed with Jake and he already knew about her. Jake found acacia attractive but really hated her personality. Acacia kept making posts about her and jake that they were friends when they really weren’t. So people went on his tumblr and asked if it was true. Which is wasn’t and he said no. He literally went bananas, he called her a crazy bitch and said she looked like Vuldemor. This was the base of the doggies. The first ever acacia hate page was l0lsummer69, it was rumored to be jake but it wasn’t. But yeah his fan girls were the first acacia hate pages.  So after the whole Int0xication issue, Acacia met Jake aka mleting. The mleting is the same name for all his social medias if you want to check him out. But acacia met Jake number two over tumblr aswell. They fell madly in love and had a relationship over skype lol. They dated I think. But things didnt work out. The ended up meeting each other after they broke up. They’re still friends till this day. Jake was good for Acacia, he made her a little more mature than she was. He’s two years older than her. owyeah i forgot to say, her url changed to ‘callmegiraffe’. So basically after the whole mleting thing Acacia was alone for awhile. She didn’t hop to another guy so quick like in the past. Well, If you don’t know who frank twitchy is. He’s a aspiring 15 year old rapper who posted a video of him and his grandma dancing to rack city bitch. He got really famous, his video was even on world star. Acacia thought he was cute so she followed him and did her little thing she does lol idek. But they talked for awhile and then he stopped talking to her for basically this reason. I’m going to tell you about mike cerrato. He’s so famous you might already know who he is. He’s the third most famous tumblr guy behind jamjars & Cody christman. He lives in Brooklyn and him and Lindsey were best friends. Not sure if they still are, but his name on tumblr was thissnigguh. Now a little about Lindsay. So basically Lindsay’s old tumblr name was y0ungfav0rites. Anyways this is what happened. Acacia tried to get with Mike Cerrato like every female on tumblr. She ended catching his attention, and they were talking mostly just flirting. Lindsey got really mad cause she knew about acacia making her way around with a bunch of guys from tumblr. So Lindsay, called out acacia and acacia called her out too! Mike eventually chose Lindsay’s side. Acacia would talk about Lindsey’s nose and stuff and called mike a thirsty ass bitch. One of his fan girls told him and he called her a giraffe and told her to stick her head up her as. So after her and Jake (mleting) didn’t work out. She dated a guy name zac. She actually didnt meet him over tumblr. They lived in the same neighborhood. I dont even know why they broke up. But Zac wanted sex with Acacia and she said no. And Zac kept asking for sex and acacia said always no. APPLAUSE FOR ACACIA! Maybe that’s the reason why they broke up. But she talked to alot of guys in a short amount of time. After this she went back to posting racy pictures on tumblr. Now about the Miranda stuff. So first I’m going to inform you on who Miranda Gunner is. She was the biggest asshole on tumblr, her name was s3xnoise and she told people to cut themselves and to kill themselves. This is after her and acacia got into a fight.  Ok so basically Miranda Gunner and Acacia befriended each other. So tiny chat used to be a thing back in the tumblr days and so acacia was on it acting like she was hammered drunk. Miranda got annoyed and said she’s getting annoying. They got in like a big fight. Miranda was saying you shouldn’t act drunk. It’s not a good look. They ended REALLY hating each other till this day. So acacia posted  a picture and it caused alot of controversy. People started to pick sides, debating who was right or wrong. I would like to add this was only year ago. But words hurt…. They both need to learn that. Hopefully acacia did since she was preaching it. Miranda not so much. She also pictures of her, holding her boobs. She post them on tumblr to get attention. So acacia started to post more racier and racier pictures. it’s not photoshopped either. it’s very hard to photoshop webcam pictures. But this is what caused acacia to get hate on tumblr. All these tumblr famous did not like her including Cody christman and lindsay demeola but they ended up being friends. posting pictures with her bra and stuff got her really noticed on tumblr. So acacia has never ever ever posted a nude on the internet. thats a fucking lie, acacia sent pictures to guys. she started off sending pics in her bra and eventually led to full nude pics. almost all the guys she sent pictures too, leaked them to her hate blogs on tumblr which led her to get called things like whore. but the thing was that people let it slide cause we all make mistakes but the thing is you learn from them and stop. acacia kept doing this constantly & kept on making the same mistake. she didnt learn from them. so now im moving on to the whole sam and acacia shit. which alot of you have been anticipating, everything is so twitsted and so fucked up and a lie. what alot of people thought happened did not happen. Okay well it all started in August. Acacia was not THAT famous, she was still a tumblr girl lol. well, i remember her making a post. saying “omg someone hook me up with kian lawley” on tumblr. this is before lawlorffs knew who she was or kian and sam. then a couple of days later she made a video with her and cassandra and she said “i love kian lawley” . Acacia kept trying to get with kian tweeting him and stuff later she made a video with her and cassandra and she said “i love kian lawley” . Acacia kept trying to tweet him and stuff  but he would ignore her. but im pretty sure kian didnt know about her past. or thought anything bad of her, he probably wasnt interested so after she kept getting ignored she made a tweet. she started tweeting sam and he noticed her. Ok so basically after kian was ignoring acacia, she was annoyed. And started messaging sam. Sam noticed her and messaged back so acacia made a tweet saying “sampottorff notices me but not kianlawley. ok cool. i love sam more anywas”. which isnt true because the night she posted on tumblr saying “someone hook me up with kian lawley” So when sam dated acacia, most of his friendships were tearing apart and kian and him were mainly tearing apart. the funny thing is kian knew acacia wasnt good and kian tryed to tell sam acacia is using ham but haha sam had the balls to we didnt know anything. when he only knew her for one week and they already had a sleepover. theres actually a video of acacia saying she loves kian and then three days later she dates sam…After a couple of weeks of sam dating acacia, they were growing more and more apart. Sam was getting alot of hate from the lawlorffs people were also choosing sides (mostly kian) sam also started to slack on their daily vlogs, and his youtube career in general. he would always say that he was busy when really he was busy hanging with acacia. Kian literally indirect tweeted about acacia or sam. ricky even made a couple, sam felt like no one was on his side. and he was always complaining so one night he texted sophia AS A FRIEND. And Acacia found out and got mad. So after Acacia was making tweets and indirect tweeting there were rumors that they broke up. But they didn’t and she made a tweet saying that all the drama makes there relationship stronger. So one day Sam was hanging out with acacia and forgot to do his vlog on kiansam13. Kian got really really mad if you’re a lawlorff you definitely remember this. She teared there friendship, kian started to mostly do the vlogs while Sam was hanging out. If you want to see the video of when Sam forgot to make his vlog and the fandom being mad. The video is on kiansam13 on YouTube. The title is like “messed up big time” you couldn’t even hear him. He was talking low and he was rushing.  So after Sam constantly wasnt putting effort into his youtube videos. Kian was getting fed up, so i guess kian and the rest of the o2l crew had a talk with Sam. JC said that they talked to him and tried to guide him but sam makes his own choices. Its in one of his O2l videos from the fall. So, one day sam made a O2l video at acacias house. And wasnt even focusing on the camera, and alot of the top comments were saying that Sam should be kicked out of O2l and that they should replace him with someone else. Alot of lawlorffs and fans were mad. So one night Acacia made a tweet saying “you guys wont look past his looks”. indirect tweeting about kian and then she said that kian was a bad friend to sam and that she was better for sam. So kian got pissed and had big balls and was saying he would ruin and acacia and said she was low and basically called her physco cause she compared her and sam’s relationship to romeo and juliet. So after the fight Sam kept on tweeting stuff saying whatever he does his fans wont support him & that we dont know the whole story Kian was basically fed up with Sam and was just dealing with him because of youtube. So one day someone told sam that acacia was cheating on him. lol im not going to say who ;) but they sent pictures to Sam of the recent naked pictures. He was still in denial so like the guy had to vouch that it was true. Later that evening Acacia and Sam started direct tweeting eachother. Everyone was saying they broke up but they didnt. Then acacia made a tweet saying that no matter what we try to do lawlorffs wont tear there relationship apart. Then like a couple of days later they broke up. So im going to explain what was the beginning of the downfall of Acacia’s and Sam’s relationship. So there was this guy named Rob, you probably know him from Tumblr. He was a tumblr boy or whatever and is url was oh-woah. So, when Sam and Acacia were dating. She face timed Rob while he took a shower. I dont know if she saw dick or not, ok. But she posted a pic on twitter and Sam saw. He got mad and her excuse was that he texts his ex sophia So she was allowed to do it. But Sam forgave her and I don’t see her talking to rob anymore. Lol he’s like a nobody now kinda. sorry i forgot to say this lol.So the night after Sam and Acacia broke up, people started to go on lindsay’s tumblr and ask questions because nor sam or acacia would answer them. People asked them all these questions and they answered honestly and truthfully but there answers were OBVIOUSLY BIASED. this is when acacia and morgan got into a fight and lindsay stopped liking her obviously cause morgan is her little sister. So this is when Acacia really didnt have anyone besides Cassandra. Cause she fucked up her relationship with Lindsay, Sam, Morgan, Zac, Zac’s little brother, Obviously kian didnt like her too. And also acacia called lindsay a trash and she send hate to lindsay because lindsay was dating Sam after Acacia. AndLindsay had a message from an anon and it said she should kill herself and that was probably acacia but i’m not sure. later Lindsay made a gif about  the person who said that she should kill herself and it had a thousands of notes. LOL i still have that gif on my personal tumblr. and a little note for the fans of acacia who say she wasn’t changing for boys when she was 13/14: you have NO IDEA. acacia did change for boys on her tumblr days. so now about this, that almost nobody knows and I DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING EITHER SO.  But basically Acacia had an obsession with emblem three like how she does with 5SOS and one direction now. So at first she really liked Wesley I guess and she tweeted about him ALOT. But she kept getting hate cause she was 14-15 and he’s way older. So acacia said that she’s attracted to Wesley but Keaton is her favorite because he’s perfect and they’re basically the same age. So she started to obsess over Keaton and tweeted pictures of her cat Paradise anytime Keaton posted a picture of his cat. She basically got her kitties to get Keaton to follower her and he did. She always tweeted him and indirect tweeted saying stuff like “you’re so perfect”. They started talking and Acacia said they should have a play date with their cats. Which is straight bullshit, we all know she was trying to get with Keaton. And she’s a smart ass girl using her cat as an advantage since they both are obsessed with cats. But this picture was taken the second time they met. The first time she met them at a concert or meet and greet. Not sure but Keaton’s sister found out about acacia and basically told Keaton that hell to the fucking no you’re not talking to this girl anymore. She tweets him now time to time but he just ignores her. But Keaton basically said he never really liked acacia like that…and he got TONS of hate for talking to her. OMG I FORGOT TO SAY SHE CHANGED HER URL TO: h-rd when she posted pictures of her bikini and bra etc. ALSO FORGOT TO SAY THIS Ok not a lot of people know this but acacia dated some guy from Puerto Rico she met over tumblr. It was really short, it didn’t last. They broke up cause of distance. She basically saw a picture of him and said “omg who is this” like shes doing with that polish boy or whatever. And people gave her his tumblr, I forgot his name. I didn’t find him cute idk it may be me. By I remember her putting a post “how to call someone in Puerto Rico”. I think they dated for a week or two.

also a little note about that sam and acacia: acacia also used sam for how to use iMovie. and she faked self harmed for sympathy. because she got a lot of hate from kian and sam’s fans so she scratches herself. Sam tweeted about that. idk if i already said this and if i did i’m sorry because i’m now like an hour typing excuse me. SO THIS WAS THE PAST WITH THE BIG QUESTION MARK. now about Steven and One direction concert and that’s not a big question mark or anything.

Later she dated a guy, Steven. That was the happiest time of Acacia’s life. and than later they broke up because it was a long distance relationship. They didn’t saw each other a lot so it didn’t work out. And about the 1D concert.. ACACIA DIDN’T SEND NUDES TO LUKE TO GET FREE TICKETS, THAT’S A FUCKED UP RUMOR. Also Acacia said she didn’t got a fan kicked out, but a guy tweeted she did. He made a video about it and he talked sometimes bullshit. And later he deleted the video. Actually he doesn’t have proof that he got kicked out. if you want to see the video, here’s the link (he deleted the video but someone reposted!) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT7K2wufa08

and something wasn’t right.. like he said this: ‘oh i called my mum to see if i can go home early” then he says “we went back to my dads and got my clothes cause we were leavening the SAME NIGHT” And he tweeted also some bullshit about that concert. these are the tweets he tweeted: ‘UHHHGGG I’M GETTING A CAB FUCK THIS’ second tweet: ‘Guys this jet has wifi what is air’ after he ‘got kicked out’: “literally want to cry, i’m just shaking and really tempted to go back their, but they wont let me back I’m this was my birthday present“ and than later: "Secondly, Acacia got her tickets free, and i paid good hard earned money…” IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, SCROLL DOWN TO HIS TWITTER AT 8/8/13 HE’S TWITTER IS: @TWERKGUCCI BUT MAYBE HE DELETED THO’S TWEETS BUT I SAW THEM WITH MY EYES.

PERSONALLY I THINK HE’S LYING.

And about the nudes, they are real because, if they where photoshopped, than who was in that picture first? Or who’s body is that? If you can’t answer those than you can’t say they are photoshopped. And the person who maybe photoshopped it, is no where to find.

Also, acacia is trying to be a better person now. but her dad is a huge asshole and she learns acacia that she can be rude to anyone. Another negative thing about her now and also about that cutting. The reason why people think they are fake is because they fade WAY TOO FAST. and she told us that you can only see her cuts on a picture who has a good camera. Like her dads camera. She’s now modeling for Civil Clothing and you couldn’t see a mark. so, personally i think they’re fake.

that’s all. some stuff isn’t 100% true or not sure. so i’m not saying everything is 100% true or right.

My opinion:

I’m a kitty, don’t ask me why. i have good reasons why i love her but i don’t kiss her ass. so i dislike her sometimes. ALSO IF YOU ARE A HATER AND YOU READ THIS, DON’T CALL HER A SLUT, BITCH, WHORE ETC. BECAUSE THAN YOU’RE BULLYING. IF YOU THINK SHE’S AN IMMATURE LITTLE FUCK THAN YOU SHOULD BE THE MATURE ONE AND IGNORE HER. If u make a opinionblog/page and not calling her names or you just show people why you dislike her, than that’s fine to me.

A Little Bit Of Magic - PBB #3

Title: A Little Bit Of Magic (Hogwarts AU)
Author: bamfhowell
Artist: jewel-imagines
Beta:  galaxychld
Word count: 15,000 (exactly, how that happened is beyond me lol)
Rating: G
Warnings: Swearing and homophobia, but that’s about it!
Summary: Dan is the new potions teacher at Hogwarts and is muggleborn, this is his first year teaching and whilst he’s excited, he has to get used to being in the castle with absolutely no muggle technology. Phil is the herbology teacher and is clumsy and likes puns and likes to help Hagrid with his magical creatures. Dan and Phil eventually meet and become rather close, some of the students realize this and try to get them together before the end up of the year.

Author’s Notes

Firstly, I would just like to say a big thank you to the lovely galaxychld for betaing this fic and helping me make it look a million times better! 

Secondly, I would also like to say thanks to jewel-imagines for creating the beautiful artwork for this fic! It looks amazing! Seriously, look at them all!

You can find the artwork post on her blog here!

Special mentions to phancywork for convincing me to write an hp fic ^__^

Ngl, it did take me awhile to write this fic purely because I had no idea what I was going to write for it but I’m pretty happy with how it turned out so I really hope that you all enjoy reading it. Let me know what you think of it! 

Keep reading

#WYD? -(Jinhwan x Reader)

Request:  Hi I was wondering when ever you have time if you can do a Jinhwan x chubby reader. And the reader is really reserved and quite and she’s introduced to the boys by Jiwonher childhood friend and she likes Jinhwan fluffy please&I’m sorry for huge ask💓

You asked for this awhile ago, but here it finally is! I’m leaving on another trip tomorrow, but when I return my blog will become my focus (-: Also, I’d like to shoutout @kinkybangtan , who’s done a series of Chubby Readers x BTS on her page which are amazing and the ones that inspired me to start this series for iKON! 

Other Chubby Reader x iKON Fics: Hanbin

Group Member: Jinhwan of iKON

Genre: Romance/Fluff

#WYD?

“Hey, where are you? I landed a couple seconds ago but I couldn’t see you.” 

“Behind you.” 

The same voice that echoed through the other side of your phone rumbled against the back of your head, sending vibrations of warmth through you. An excited grin formed on your face, the call suddenly ending when a pair of clothed arms wrapped around your middle. All the nerves of your long plane flight fled and you turned, eager to see the face of your best friend. 

Jiwon’s beaming expression made your cheeks heat up with joy. You hadn’t seen him for a little over a year, what with your studying abroad in the States and him debuting with his group not too long ago. He was dressed more stylishly than he had been when you left- unsurprising, seeing as he was secretly a closeted diva who usually couldn’t afford all the expensive clothing he adored. The sight of his tossed dark hair and eyes that matched only made your smile grow. 

“I’ve missed you so much, Y/N-ah,” Jiwon pulled you into his chest once again, holding you tightly. If it had been anyone else, you would’ve felt uncomfortable- you didn’t like when people touched you, seeing as you liked to keep to yourself mostly, and partly because of your weight. You always worried if people got to close, they would judge you- but Jiwon wasn’t like that. You’d known him for years, since the two of you were fifth graders, and because of that you forced each other’s parents into a friendship that blossomed as quickly as your own. 

“I missed you too,” you smiled against his shoulder and only pulled back when he decided it was time to go. 

The two of you walked together, close enough to look like a couple, but neither of you felt that way about one another. Sure, you had a crush on him as a kid, but it faded away with the years, and to you he was only your older brother- by a month. “I have something to ask,” Jiwon said, glancing around the airport. You knew his popularity was growing and so you stepped a bit apart, not wanting to be mistaken by the paparazzi as his “girlfriend”. 

You glanced up at him curiously, “Shoot.” 

“Well, since I don’t have an actual apartment,” Jiwon began nervously, “I only have the dorm with the boys… would you mind staying there?” 

You glanced away, biting on your lower lip. You were comfortable with Jiwon, and you knew that his group members were good people, but staying with strangers made you uncomfortable. You mostly stayed quiet around people you didn’t know- not including your close friends and family, whom you were open with and could talk freely to. 

“Jiwon…” you breathed out. You didn’t want to disappoint him, not to mention you hadn’t seen him for a little over a year. Pursing your lips, a tiny smile pulled at your cheeks, bunching them up, and Jiwon grinned at the sight. He reached over to squeeze one of them, to which you laughed and softly swatted his hand away. “It’s fine,” you told him instead, your smile a bit wider. 

Jiwon beamed. “None of them are home right now,” he said as you climbed into a van he’d rented for the two of you, “but we can get dinner with them later. Is that okay?” 

You smiled, pinching his cheek in return. “That’s wonderful,” you glanced out the window, ogling at your home town. You missed Seoul to the bottom of your very existence, and seeing the familiar stores pass by made your heart flutter with excitement. You didn’t have any more family to stay with, since your mother decided to move to Jeju Island with the rest of your relatives. As far as you knew, you were the only one left in Seoul, and you hoped it would stay that way. 

-

Hours passed, and it wasn’t long before you found yourself walking with Jiwon to one of your favorite restaurants. It was family owned and you were friendly with the people who worked there. Since you were a kid, you and Jiwon would walk there to get something to eat after school, and excitement mixed in with the nerves of meeting his friends. 

After walking up a flight of stairs to the second level of the restaurant, your eyes swept across the pastel-green chairs and the pink walls, moving to land on a group of boys already seated in the far back corner. All of them were dressed similar to Jiwon, in comfortable yet stylish clothes, talking and laughing amongst one another. 

“They’ll love you,” Jiwon’s hand caught yours and he rubbed his thumb comfortingly across it before letting go. You smiled nervously up at him before the two of you stopped before the designated table. 

In unison, the boys halted their conversation, all of their eyes moving towards Jiwon, then you. You swallowed. You’d never felt insecure about your weight before, but standing before these six extremely handsome men made your cheeks flare and your heart pound guiltily. You looked at them through your eyelashes, a shy smile on your face. 

“Guys,” Jiwon greeted with a proud grin, “this is Y/N.” 

“Y/N!” One of the boys, who you recognized from a video call with Jiwon to be Yunhyeong, shouted excitedly. “We’ve heard a lot about you!” 

“All good things,” another beside him, Chanwoo, nodded with a cheerful smile. 

“He didn’t tell us you were so cute though,” Hanbin, someone you saw regularly through Jiwon’s posts, said with warm eyes. 

Your face grew hot. Quiet, you bowed to each of them, before following Jiwon’s suit and taking a seat beside him. You sat across someone you recognized too, and you knew his name before he introduced himself as Kim Jinhwan. He seemed to be quiet, too, and on multiple occasions you found yourself quickly averting your eyes whenever he caught you staring at him. And looking away, you weren’t able to see the smile that formed on his face, or how he tried to decipher the exact color of your eyes. Sitting there, you didn’t know that he admired the way your cheeks bunched up when you smiled, or the crinkle by your eyes when you laughed. 

“So,” Hanbin tilted his head at you curiously, “what did you study in the States?” 

“English,” you told him with a soft smile. 

“She’s really good at languages,” Jiwon spoke up for you. Relief flooded through your veins- he knew you didn’t like speaking a lot in front of strangers, and most likely sensed your hesitation to continue. “She speaks like three.” 

“What’s the other?” Jinhwan leaned forward, his interest piqued. 

You quickly glanced at him, your cheeks burning at his attention. Your heart pounded in your chest, your fingers suddenly clammy as you played with the hem of your sleeves. “Japanese,” you told him with a reserved smile. 

Jinhwan raised his eyebrows. “Anata mo nihongo o hanashimasu ka? (You speak Japanese too?) You looked at him in barely concealed surprise. “Watashi wa ima manande irunode, watashi wa hijō ni yoide wanaidesu.(I’m learning Japanese right now, so I’m not very good.)

You tilted your head, smiling. “Anata wa watashiniha bakkin kikoemasu.” (You sound fine to me.)

“You guys talking shit about me in Japanese?” Jiwon teased as he playfully shoved your shoulder. You shoved him back with a grin. 

“Definitely,” you told him, flicking the side of his ear. 

Jinhwan watched the scene before him unfold quietly. His eyes glittered humorously, and he found himself wishing that you could be open with him, too, in the way you were with Jiwon. For a moment he wondered what your lips would taste like- the thought surprised him, and his gaze fell down to your mouth, a tiny smile playing on his face. He fought the blush that threatened his cheeks. 

-

You weren’t sure what time it was, but you were sure it was late. 

Blinking your dry eyes, you slowly sat up from Jiwon’s bed, rubbing your face with a yawn. It was still dark out and the clock on his nightstand clearly read three in the morning. With a frown, you smacked your dry lips and swallowed. Quietly you removed the bed sheets, careful not to wake Jiwon (who’d insisted on sleeping on the floor, but ended up on the bed anyway), and tiptoed down the hall of their dorm. 

Yawning, you rubbed your eyes, your vision adjusting to the darkness of the dorm. As you poured yourself a glass of water, you blinked, tilting your head back to lean on the cupboard. You were waking up- you knew that, and you knew it would be hard to fall asleep again. With a quiet sigh, you gathered yourself and sat down on the L-shaped cough. 

It was almost an hour into the Transformers movie when you heard a door open and close. Curious, you glanced away from the television screen, blankets hoisted up to your chin. Down the hall, you could make out a head of messy strawberry-blonde hair, and the frame of a boy with a size-too-big sweater on and long cow pajama bottoms.

“Y/N?” Jinhwan paused, staring at you with confusion written across his sleepy face. He reached up to rub the back of his neck nervously. 

“Did I wake you up?” You asked softly, suddenly feeling guilty. You moved to turn off the TV but he stopped you with a quiet chuckle. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” he claimed. “Is it okay if I sit with you?” 

You looked at him quickly, your eyes the size of the moon. Swallowing, you simply nodded. With a blush you hurriedly averted your gaze to the movie, desperately trying to focus on the unnecessary explosions and talking cars. “This movie sucks so bad it’s almost good,” Jinhwan commented. You would’ve replied, had it not been that he’d gotten under the same large blanket you were in, and the warmth emitting from his legs made your skin flare. 

After a moment of your silence, he continued, “Y/N?” 

The sound of his voice was so soft that it made you whip your head toward him, eyes unnecessarily large. “What is it?” 

“Why don’t you like me?” Jinhwan asked, a tinge of insecurity tainting his voice- but you couldn’t tell, over the sound of your heart thumping through your ribcage. 

You blinked at him confusion, uncertain if you’d heard him correctly. “Wh-what?” 

“I mean,” Jinhwan licked his lips, “you just… you’re really nice with Jiwon, but every time I talk to you you look away.” 

You shook your head furiously, “I-It’s not that,” you played with the hem of your t-shirt nervously. “I-It’s just…” 

“It’s okay,” Jinhwan chuckled under his breath. “Can I tell you something?” 

You chewed on the inside of your cheek and gulped, nodding. 

“I think you’re beautiful,” Jinhwan breathed out with an exhale. You looked at him in surprise, your eyes growing with shock. “And I’d really, really, really like to kiss you.” 

You didn’t trust yourself to speak, so you just stared at him with wide eyes. Your lips unknowingly parted with breaths and Jinhwan caught himself watching the way they moved, desperately wishing to be touching them. He continued to stare at you and, slowly, you nodded your head. At this point your face was fire, and half of you thought that maybe you were dreaming. 

Jinhwan inched towards you, his full lips looking inviting in the shadows of the television light. His hand brushed yours, your fingers intertwining as his other came up to your cheek, softly holding your face. Your eyes were still open when his lips found yours. 

And your lips were soft, maybe softer than Jinhwan ever imagined they could be. Your cheek felt like pillows beneath his palm and your warm fingers held his tightly. His heart raced uncontrollably but he couldn’t stop himself from moving closer to you. Unknowingly you kissed him back, as if your mouth had a mind of its own, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to regret it. 

It was that night that began something you weren’t sure you’d ever find. And a month later when he and iKON left to tour, you were no longer just keeping in touch with Jiwon, but making regular calls to Jinhwan, excitement never ceasing whenever his face popped up on your laptop screen. It was a kiss that led to many more- to heated touches and nervous laughs and you put your trust in Jinhwan’s hands, and he did the same to you. He sent you postcards from wherever he was- sometimes in Japanese, if he didn’t want the boys to read them. You received teddy bears when he was gone, and even if he was home he’d send you flowers, just to remind you that you were his everything, and he was yours. 

And in the end it didn’t matter if you weren’t model skinny like all the girls he posed with in magazines or shot videos for. It didn’t matter to him, and you found later that it didn’t matter to you, either, because Jinhwan made you feel like you were the rest of them- because his kisses could remind you that you were beautiful, and even after years and years of being together, he still sent you the same text every morning he was gone- 

“WYD? Miss you <3″

(friendly reminder that weight doesn’t matter, especially to people who are in love)

-also I used Google Translate for the Japanese, so if it’s wrong to any of you Japanese-speakers, sorry lol!

anonymous asked:

Hi!! I love your art, i think you're SUPER skilled! I was wondering if you have any tips on improving and getting better at anatomy? Also stylization. How did you develop your art style?

Ohmgosh thank you you’re amazing and i want to hug you for saying such sweetie things to me ahhasdfJdskSFSAD. and tips?? hmm… I spent a long time thinking about these questions and how to answer them. Here I compiled all my personal advice and little mantra’s to myself and elaboration on each into three sections; improvement, anatomy, and stylization. gaw sorry this so looonnngg!!! but i wanted to cover as much as I could, so myeh here we go (mind you this is all stuff that works for me):

IMPROVEMENT

  1. Learn To Be Patient- Artistic improvement is a lot like losing weight; people become very discouraged when they don’t see immediate results, which makes them feel like they’ve made no progress. The fact is that improvement is so gradual that it’s hardly noticeable. So I encourage you to be patient, because after a couple months when you look back, you’ll be amazed by all the progress you’ve made, and trust me, it’s a great feeling. 
  2. Don’t Be Discouraged By Other Artists; Be Inspired!- This is something I see a lot, and it practically makes me weep. There are so many people I see on here that become completely discouraged about their art when they see someone else who is leaps and bounds better. In the worst case scenario, that discouragement turns to anger and jealousy, even hatred! I would know because I’ve been there once upon a time, but this is NOT the right way to handle it, and that it will get you nowhere. Now, whenever I see amazing art from another artist, I do become somewhat disheartened at first, but as I keep looking through their artwork, I steadily begin to be inspired; “OOooooo I like that linework,” “aaAAH I wanna try that!,” “kajsdfkasndfksad I LOVE THAT COLOR SCHEME,” and so on. I eventually reach the rationale that if they can do it, I can too! Turn that discouragement into encouragement! Desperation into inspiration! You also have to understand that these people are better because they put in the work, the effort, and the time to reach that level. Many of them have already gone through art school, have taken classes, and have had more time and instruction to develop and harness their skills, so duh, no wonder they’re better. One is not born with talent— you earn it. Discouragement is understandable, but jealousy is stupid. 
  3. Practice Does Not Make Perfect; It Makes Progress- No one’s perfect or ever will be. Not me your dog your grandma or your frog— no one! In turn, nothing you do or make or create will be perfect, so if you’re shootin’ for perfection you might as well shoot for the stars ‘cuz, HUH— DAT SHIT AIN’T HAPPENIN’. Practice will not make perfection, hate to break it to ya, but it makes progress, which is much more realistic and doable. So the more you practice, the better you’ll get!! Remember; you can only get better, not get worse.
  4. Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself- This is something I’m very guilty of, very guilty. I was really hard on myself when I was younger for not being better; I was extremely negative, downright cruel, harsh, unforgiving, borderline abusive, and I think I made myself cry more than anyone else did. Do not do this to yourself, it is unhealthy and it will damage you for a long time. Did being very hard on myself get me where I wanted to be faster? Sure, but it left a lot of mental scars I can’t mend— in the long run, it’s much healthier to be positive and forgiving. Do not be hard on yourself; I don’t want anyone to fuck themselves up like I did. If you need to talk or need help, you can talk to me. I’m always here to help and listen, something I never did for myself.
  5. Constructive Criticism Is Meant To Help You, Not Bring You Down, And Know The Difference Between Good And Bad Criticism, But Don’t Necessarily Disregard It When It’s Bad- This is another thing I see a lot of; people are so afraid of criticism!! Criticism is meant to help you see what you need to work on, to help you get better! When you shy away from it, you’re only preventing potential improvement! But of course, there are two kins of criticism, so it’s important to know the difference. Good Criticism is constructive. When you get this kind of criticism, I learnt that it should be like a sandwich; the beginning should be good things about your work, the middle should explain what you need to improve one, and the end should sum it all up and be overall positive. Now, it’s also important to factor in who gives you criticism. Criticism from another artist should be constructive, ‘cuz they’ve been there and understand how to help. Criticism from a viewer, who knows nothing about art, is less likely to be constructive, and will more likely be insulting and offensive, even if they didn’t mean it that way. This is Bad Criticism; basically an insult (even unintentionally) about your work. Something like, “You draw hands weird,” or, “your faces are funky,” or “you suck at arms,” and god forbid anything more horrible than that. Now, maybe this is shocking, but don’t completely disregard such comments. Yes, they can be downright mean and rude, but it is somewhat constructive; it’s just horribly worded. The idea is to not take these comments to heart, but just take them with a grain of salt. If they say you “suck at arms,” what they’re trying to say is that you need to work on your arms, because they can tell something ain’t right. I’m not just spitting this out either, I have experience in both these areas! STORY TIME; I was a little spitfire years ago, and I didn’t take to constructive criticism lightly, and whenever I got it, I’d be all upset and defensive (they were from other artist’s too). But those people were right, I realized after a while. The biggest spurts of improvement I got were when I received good criticism about my art, and I’m so thankful I listened. As far as bad criticism goes, someone once told me in a very roundabout way that I drew my eyes so big they were frightening. Yo, it was rude as shit and it hurt my feelings at the time! but they were also right. My eyes were too big, and after I toned it down, my art looked much better. Criticism is good you guys, even if it’s badly stated. 
  6. Know That, As An Artist, The Only Time You’ll Be Satisfied Is When You Realize That You’ll Never Be Satisfied- This is something I repeat to myself a lot, and it helps. There are people who go up to artist’s and say “wow I wish I drew like you!” and “you’re so good!” and so on. You need to understand that art is all about improvement, and no matter how good an artist may be, they are always seeking out ways to improve. There is never going to be a level at which you’ll be like “I’m good now i don’t need to improve anymore!” Nnno-no-no. Art doesn’t work that way, nothing really does. You’ll always want more, you’ll always feel the need to be better, and that’s okay! You should feel like that, but it’s unrealistic to pursue the ultimate level of perfection, as I mentioned earlier in number three. No matter how good you get, you’ll always seek to be better, and coming to terms with that is a truly satisfying feeling.
  7. It’s Completely Normal To Have ‘Swing-And-A-Miss’ Days- People can often come under the illusion that everything a good artist draws is perfect and that anything they draw is totally garbaggio. This mainly happens because when people go through an artist’s art blog, they see nothing ugly, or out of proportion, nada. Well, yeah. Why would an artist post his/her bad art? Artist’s want to show people their best stuff, not their failed crap. Every artist, whether at a novice level or a professional level, makes bad art every once in awhile. I have days where all my heads come out all funky and weird and gross, and then there are days that everything comes out nice like a dream! This is normal, this is natural. We all have swing-and-a-miss days, and I used this phrase for a reason. A baseball player doesn’t hit a home-run every time they step up to the plate, nor does every golfball player hit a hole-in-one on every course. Sometimes you’re gonna miss and that’s A-okay.
  8. Practice When You Can; Observe When You Can’t- A lot of artist’s say you have to, have to, have to practice drawing everyday in order to get good. Yes, it helps speed up improvement, but sometimes we don’t have a pencil and paper on us 24/7, sometimes life gets in the way, and that’s not your fault. This is why I feel that practice isn’t the sole player in improvement, and that simply observing can be very efficient. Whenever you find yourself without pencil and paper, just observe everything around you; study how clothes folds when people bend or move, take note of how light and shadow affect a figure. Just looking and analyzing and making mental notes to yourself can be very effective in its own right. Remember; you need your hands to draw, but you need your eyes to observe first.
  9. Don’t Force Yourself To Practice/Learn When You’re Not In The Mood- Do you remember in school, when you were in class in a subject you didn’t really care about, did you learn much? Did you pay attention as much as you would if it were something you found interesting? Likely the answer is no, you didn’t. It’s harder to learn things we find uninteresting, especially when we’re not in the mood to learn them. I’ve had this problem; I recently read a book that I felt I needed to learn from, but because I wasn’t in the mood, the first two chapters I read I can’t even begin to remember. But later, when I was in the mood, all up and ready and wanting to learn, the rest of the material stuck like glue. Simply put, sometimes you need to push yourself to learn things that will help you improve, but if you force yourself to when you’re in a bad mood, you’ll literally just be wasting time. Wait until you’re in a good mood, and learning material and having it stick will be much easier.
  10. How To Not Use ‘How To Draw’ Books/Tutorials-There are thousands of How-To books and tutorials out there, and a lot of them are great resources for learning! But not if you take them literally. For example, not everyone draws hands the same, and some people have different methods than others. These different methods aren’t wrong, they’re simply another way that someone draws hands. It’s the same with drawing figures; some people can draw, like, blocks and just shape it from there. Some people can use cylinder shapes and some just use simple lines. One, or two, or all, or none of these methods may work for you. These is why I wish more people would name their tutorials ‘How-I-Draw-Hands,” and so on. It basically comes down to you, and what works best for you.

ANATOMY

  1. Artistic Anatomy- There are more or less about 700 muscles in the human body, (oh yeah quite a daunting number) and learning anatomy for art can be quite taxing, especially if you’re teaching yourself (like me ugh). Fortunately, artist’s don’t need to know all 700 muscles to draw correct anatomy. For artists, we learn artistic anatomy, which only concerns the skeletal structure, tissues, and muscles that affect the surface form of the human figure. The book I’ve been using to teach myself anatomy is Classic Human Anatomy: The Artist’s Guide to Form, Function, and Movement by Valerie L. Winslow. Other good books for reference are like, training books, like Strength Training Anatomy by Frédéric Delavier. But learning anatomy is a slow process because anatomy is very complex, so pace yourself. Divide up the muscles; such as torso muscles, upper leg muscles, lower leg muscles, upper arm, forearm, shoulders, back, hands, feet, neck and head, etc. It’s gonna take a long time to learn it all, so try to tackle one section of the body at a time. My big thing is with hands right now, so I’ve just been focusing one that.
  2. Figure Drawing- It’s essential to learn anatomy for better artistic representation, but what’s just as important is figure drawing. Figure drawing is your golden key for better human figures and I’ll tell you why; it teaches you speed, proper proportions, and how the figure moves. The absolute best way to do figure drawing is with a live nude model, but if it’s too costly and there aren’t classes available in your area, there are plenty of sights online that you can use to substitute for now. Pixelovely is a great tool for figure drawing. Not only does it have a tool for human figures, it has a tool for animals, heads/facial expressions, hands, and feet, too! Other sights I like to use are Scott Eaton’s Bodies In Motion and Posemaniacs, and while I’m not particularly fond of deviantart, there’s a hullabaloo of people on there that make great stock photos just for artists. Also Andrew Loomis’ books, particularly Figure Drawing: For What It’s Worth, are absolutely amazing and I implore you to look into getting them. His books are goddamn gold.
  3. Studying Other Artist’s Work- Hrrmrnglemurnblehernfda… IIII haavee a story to thiiiss…. Once upon time, I. could not draw boys. For the LIFE of me. I couldn’t wrap my head around them. I could draw girls okay, ‘cuz they were easy for me but BOyZ were just this. WHoLe other thing I couldnt even begin to understand. BUT THEN— ..ah. omygod okay this is gonna kinda turn into a love story but goddammit it’s true… but then.. I discovered TeamFourStar, and TeamFourStar led me to Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball Z led me tooo…. mmnngh,…… Vegeta. ohmygod. my heart. basically I just. I just fell in LOVE with Vegeta and he was all I wanted to draw for forever. but I couldnt draw boys at the time!! but I didn’t let it stop me, I LOVED HIM TOO MUCH. so i just started drawing Vegeta over and over and over again, and because I loved him so much I wanted to draw him well, I wanted to draw him right! So fukq. ohmygod. YES, I LITERALLY LEARNT EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT ANATOMY JUST SO I COULD DRAW VEGETA ANATOMICALLY CORRECT… AND IM STILL DOING IT JUST FOR HIM. I’m being one hundo honest; drawing Vegeta over and over again taught me how to draw men, and because he’s so muscular, I learnt a hell of a lot about muscles too. Studying Akira Toriyama’s anatomical style taught me a lot, and further inspired me to enhance my knowledge of the human figure with figure drawing, anatomy books, etc. The point of this story was to show how and why I started improving my anatomy. Vegeta makes my coca-cola go tokidoki. It beats only for him… I hope you don’t think I’m kidding. ‘Cuz I’m not. I’ll show you pictures.

STYLIZATION

  1. Realistic vs. Stylistic- Often I’ll see these, oh I dunno, kind of tutorial-esque posts about drawing hands or other body parts correctly, and pointing out what’s wrong— eh, example; one where an artist is pointing out that fingers have two joints, not one, and that if you draw just one it’s wrong, or if you draw the fingers like sausages with no joints it’s also wrong, blah blah. Well, realistically, yes, it’s wrong, but stylistically no no no. Realism has rules, but personal interpretation does not. It’s just like if you draw hands with four fingers instead of five; artist’s with a more cartoony style sometimes do this, and some don’t even put joints in them. Yeah, it may have only four fingers, but you still in fact know that it’s a hand. This is your own personal interpretation of the real, and after you know the rules, it’s okay to break them however you like to match your personal taste.
  2. ‘Mix-And-Match’ and ‘Give-And-Take’- This might sound a little obscure, but let me try to elaborate; an artist’s style is basically kind of a culmination of tiny details and tidbits from other artists styles. I’m inspired by a plethora of other artist’s work and how they draw this that way and that this way. From these I kind of ‘borrow’ little ideas and details here and there and loosely incorporate them in my own work, thusly, developing my personal style. Literally, you’re mixing all these little details together, seeing what matches to your liking, giving your style what you want to see and taking out what doesn’t work. Urrgh it’s hard to explain, but you just gotta try different things and see what you like. 
  3. Ask Yourself: Do You Want To Draw Like Someone Else, Or Do You Want To Draw Like You?- It’s easy to study someone else’s style and become so good at it that it’s now your style, but seeing this is always a little sad for me, ‘cuz; Why would you want to be a carbon copy of someone else instead of be you? Personally, even though I see these artists that draw very well and awesome and great, in the end, even if they’re better, I’d rather draw like me. My style represents who I am, and I’d much rather be me than somebody else. So ask yourself; do you want to have a style that represents someone else, or do you want to have a style that represents you?

AhhhAHHFa so that’s it! sorry that was so extensive and elaborate, but hopefully I helped somewhat??? myehasjfndkfdsasfsd well let me know if i did, and thanks for reading all this if you also did. dfarhmeysbasdfhn /runs away

I’d really like more size 24+ people in pastels on my blog, more fat brown men covered in white wispy silk sheets, more people in wheelchairs or other mobility aids with vines of blooming flowers around them, more trans ladies dressed as airy fairies and nypmhs, more folx with topical skin discolorations sipping from tea cups, more non-binary pinups, just more.

I made a post calling for submissions awhile ago and never saw any, so if I can help facilitate the creation of these images in some way, let me know. The job of inclusion here is one that is never done.

VMP Interview - Jenn Atocha, Atocha Design

VMP: First off thanks for chatting with us, we’re super pumped to be giving away a piece of your beautiful furniture (see here)…it’s been creating a pretty big stir on the internets.

JA: Thanks, that’s so nice to hear! It’s a big deal for us as well-we have never done a give away before but we have gotten such great feedback from your members in the last few months that we felt like it was a perfect fit.

VMP: So your furniture line is designed with the vinyl enthusiast in mind, when did you get into vinyl?

JA: As a child! I have always listened to vinyl and have never downloaded a record-I don’t even know how. When I listen to CDs or someone else’s iPod it sounds really off to me. We have a pretty amazing vintage tube stereo system at home, and hearing music any other way (except live music of course) is only half the fun.

VMP: What’s your experience been working with and designing furniture for vinyl lovers? They’re kind of a different breed yeah?

JA: Yes, indeed, but they are MY breed so the experience has been fantastic thus far! Unlike other furniture designers, I am starting from a place of having quite a lot in common when a client comes to me. A passionate love of music, and a similar aesthetic are fairly significant things to have in common as it turns out, and I end up becoming friends with many of my clients. The conversation often veers toward taste in music, and we have plenty to talk about. Many of my friends who design more typical furniture never even speak to their clients, especially if they are working with an interior designer or architect. My custom clients tend to want to get very involved with the process because the piece is being made for a collection that they are passionate about. Upon delivery, I often get remarkably thoughtful and joyous emails or phone calls from clients, which I just never take for granted. It makes it all worth it!

Another funny thing about my clients is that some have stored away their vinyl collection ages ago. Often they don’t even have turntables anymore. By chance they come across my work in a magazine or blog, and start thinking about their favorite albums that haven’t been listened to in awhile and miss them. When they see a piece that can be used as a centerpiece in their living room, rather than just a bookshelf tucked away they can visualize a whole new way of relaxing and listening at home. These clients are aways so enthusiastic and fun to get to know as well. It’s so gratifying to help people figure out a way to make music the center of their home, rather than the television. I also like that it makes a statement about who you are, when guests come over. Nowadays so much about a person is stored digitally that homes have become less personal.

Then there are the couples. Once I designed a piece for a couple where he only listened to 45’s and she only collected LPs. I have sold many DJ Stands to couples were one person was going nuts from the messy pile of gear in the living room, and the furniture piece changed the vibe up and everyone was happy. There is obviously something gratifying about getting things organized nicely. But when you can get things looking stylish on top of it, it’s fantastic.

VMP: What is your creative process like for designing a new piece of furniture?

JA: When I start on a new design, I am always focused on the best design I can come up with for a particular concept. For example, the Record Stand came about because I got a lot of feedback when the Record Cabinet came out that some people really like to SEE their records. Now I get that, but seeing only the spines is such a waste given the incredible effort that goes into the album cover artwork. So I went about designing a piece that not only presented the users’ collection face-first, but with materials and shapes that were strong and sexy. The taper of the legs on that piece totally sets it apart from a bookshelf, which is the alternative way to SEE your collection.

Often I will come up with a concept, and draw until l come up with something I think looks good. Then I go about trying to figure out if it will actually hold the weight of the albums, and be structurally sound. I think that is where my ladies touch comes in. If you are ONLY looking at function, there is much less personality in a design. Focusing on the creative side, and not the cost, has presented difficulties, because I have set my designs into a more expensive category. I only recently learned that many big brands come up with a price point, and then design down or up from there. How crazy is that? But with me, I don’t have shareholders to please, so I do the most killer design I can realize, something that I would absolutely love to have in my own home. That in itself can be tricky, because it’s easy to come up with an idea that can’t be properly executed. Then I work with the best craftsmen and women I can locate, and believe me when I say I look far and wide. At the end of the day, I sleep at night knowing that I’m not putting another piece of crap into the world, and also that by working with the best artisans in America I am helping to keep these people doing what they love and are incredibly talented at. But really at the end of the day, it’s my clients who keep them employed and I am more of a conduit.

I think it goes without saying that using really high quality materials, and sometimes pulling back with my design to let them shine is also a big part of how I work. Little details are important and technology plays a part as well - I take full advantage of high quality, high tech hardware.

VMP: Our mutual friend Elijah Wood has posted a few pictures of your furniture in his home, how was it working with him?

JA: The first piece I worked on with Elijah was a custom cabinet for his treasured collection of 45’s. He collects them in his travels, and many are quite rare I assume. Some people may not realize that bands used to release songs on singles that weren’t available on their albums, and often only a few hundred copies were pressed. In other cases, especially during the Motown / Northern Soul era, amazing groups released singles that never got to the point of putting out an entire LP. One single and then gone. Actually that was the case with a lot of hardcore and indie bands as well as different types of music all over the world. In any case, I love working with people who collect singles because they are fanatical about vinyl on another level altogether!

Working with Elijah is always fun because he is so enthusiastic about his love for music. He is one of the more curious people I have ever met, and we have become friends because (I think) he was weirded out, or perhaps bewildered is a better word, at first that I was so focused on this vinyl niche. He asked a barrage of questions and we found that we had many things in common. But in general he is just like most of my clients-smart, good looking and fun! Ha ha! I really do have the best clients.

VMP: What’s the future look like for Atocha Design?

JA: At the moment I am in full stress mode prototyping some really challenging new designs. At least they are challenging for me! In March I will debut the new designs at the Architectural Digest Home Design Show here in New York. The big new piece came about from a very different source of inspiration. I went to Miami last year, and spent time staying in and visiting boutique hotels. It dawned on me that design has become, in it’s own way, a source of entertainment like dining out has. People now want to interact with environments and furniture, and those hotel environments are very aspirational for most of us. When I got back to New York I designed a piece that could hopefully fit into that world, and also work as a statement piece in someone’s home. Another new piece will be much smaller, hold fewer albums but also be more affordable. Yet I am keeping the design and materials very elevated, so it still is in keeping with the rest of my collection. I will start posting images of the new designs on social media in March- if you want to check them out follow Atocha Design.

Atocha Design has as much interest overseas now as within the US, and that’s a big accomplishment for a nut who loves to design and listen to music! So the other focus right now is trying to figure out how to get pieces to clients abroad more efficiently. I am looking into distributors and better ways to ship, because the demand is there but it’s tricky to do it well as a small business.

But to answer succinctly, more designs and better availability! Thank you so much for talking with me, I love what you are doing with Vinyl Me, Please!

See more of Jenn’s work at: www.atochadesign.com

…and follower her on the internet here:

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How I Sold My Soul In 1,200 Words Or Less

So I wrote this blog a few days ago.



It got kind of popular.

I’m a thinker. Thoughts constantly running through my brain. Sometimes those thoughts come all at once, while more frequently, they come in brief bursts and require me to marinate in them for awhile before following up. Such was the case with #TheBlogThatWentViral–as I’ve lovingly deemed it.

I penned the bulk of this months ago and left it to sit cold and lonely inside a ‘to be edited’ folder. Part of it was because I felt I didn’t have enough inspiration at the time to finish it (shoutout to the five blogs on my desktop right now awaiting their moment of glory in the hot sun), but mostly, like every piece I write, I was afraid how people might respond to what I’d have to say.

Clearly, I had no clue what I was in for.

Over the last several days, I’ve received hundreds of messages from readers with questions, comments, encouragement and criticism. I don’t take a single one of them lightly. Even the cruelest of the bunch.

As you can imagine, part of me wanted to sit down and try to dispel any ugly ideas the post in question may have caused. Instead though, I decided that I should stop and talk about some of the responses I HAVE received so far, and maybe, with your permission, offer an opinion or two.

Response 1.You’re encouraging Christians to have premarital sex.

I’ll admit, in an attempt to try and get my point across, my convictions may have gotten a tad lost in translation. Either that, or you, like many, read the title and ran. (LOL CLICKBAIT PROBLEMS.)

Let me just come right out with it: I believe God made sex. I believe it’s something awesome, I believe it’s something I want to take part in… but I also believe it’s something He created to be enjoyed in the covenant of marriage.

I’ve chosen to wait for marriage because I believe it shows deep love and respect for my husband, but most importantly, I believe it greatly honors the relationship I have with Christ. It makes me no better than anyone. Just aware of a higher purpose and calling.

NOTE: I’m aware not all of you who read/re-posted this blog share this idea, nor do you consider yourselves remotely religious. I can only hold myself accountable for what I believe. I’ve never been good at the whole 'fire and brimstone’ thing. I like grace and people a little too much. If you have a soul, you have a story, and I hope to you, only to be a friend.

My whole point, just in case you missed it, is that I believe sex, when acted upon in its intended way, is a glorious example OF purity, and not the demise of it, as some within the abstinence movement would claim. It’s a selfless adventure and a passionate desire embedded in the life of those who choose to lay down their agenda for the sake of another.

That type of giving isn’t easy. We’re selfish people by genetic contagion, but I honestly think that’s part of why God loves us so much–Him using sexuality as an unconventional tool to possibly help us overcome that.

At the end of the day, my writing voice isn’t going to sound the same as someone else’s, and really, nobody should expect it to. How I see the world spills out through my words and effects those within my sphere of influence. Same with you. Same with James Dobson. Boogity, boogity, boogity. Amen.

Response 2.You don’t have any right to talk about sex because you’ve never had it.”



If it hasn’t already been made painstakingly clear by now, yes, I’m a virgin.



I know, I know. What guy wouldn’t wanna wife this. AmIright?

My views on marriage will change once I finally am married. I’m aware of this, but I refuse to believe they will change for the worse. Mostly because no two couples are the same. What some spouses find hard, others find easy, what few find awkward, others just won’t.

And trust me. I AM awkward. My friends in fact, have deemed me the ultimate QUEEN of awkward. Even so, just because something is awkward, doesn’t make it bad.

(Which could totally be another major discussion on how Christians view sex, but I’ve already touched on that subject enough for this week.)

I get it. I can’t speak to certain situations yet because I haven’t been in them. That’s probably why I don’t touch on them to begin with…



…get what I’m saying?

I have to believe that if Jesus, who lived all 33 years of His life unmarried, can talk about sex, maybe I can too. Perhaps God gives certain people certain abilities to understand certain things because they’re a certain kind of person. The kind who can convey the message in a way, say, their grandmother can’t.

I don’t have to visit the stars to trust an astronomer. I don’t need to have a sexual past to offer a point.

Response 3.You’re not really a Christian because your post didn’t quote scripture.”



I dunno. I kinda hope our lives display our character better than our Twitter does.

::drops mic::

Response 4.I wish I would have read this sooner.”



90% of the messages I’ve received in the last several days have looked exactly like this.



Damaged. Ashamed. Too far gone. “But thanks for the hope! Other people need it!”

No. YOU need it. We all do.

You’re not too far gone. The very fact that you can read these words and be touched by them proves that hope, though it may be on life support, still dwells in you.

There ARE good guys and gals out there. Even if they’re hard to find. Especially if they’re hard to find. Those who won’t run away from you when they see your baggage, but will happily take the opportunity to help you unpack it. We’re all failures. We all need forgiveness.

Look, it’s simple: Purity is available to you. It’s the choice to live life as it was meant to be lived. The idea that you can possibly live for something greater than yourself. It can only be lived out (or not), but it can never be taken away by mortal hands.

Even if you’re a virgin. Even if you’re not. Even if you’re happily married. Even if you threw it away and didn’t care if you did. Even if you were raped. Even if you came close and feel guilty. Even if somebody broke your spirit and stole a piece of your heart you feel you can never get back.

Your worth is greater than your history. You’re lovable because you’re you and because you deserve it.

Healing will be painful, maybe more so than the actual hurt. I know it well, but the funny thing is, purity often looks less like one-time rinse, and more like a continuous garage sale. Ridding yourself of things that aren’t yours to hold on to anymore, as you make room for better things and spaces to breathe.

::blink blink::

Oh hey look, you made it to the end. Congratulations and thanks for reading!

Wanna read more of my semi-heretical thoughts on love/relationships/sex?

Check out these past blogs:

Dear Single Christian Girl” – My open letter to Christian girls struggling with loneliness and waiting. (LOL YOU KNOW DEM FEELS.)

The Good Sex Movement” – Because we as Christians shouldn’t be about no sex, we should be about the right way to do sex.

The Submissive, The Beloved, and My Beef With Christian Grey” – Oh, you know. Just taking on the Fifty Shades Of Grey phenomenon LIKE A BOSS. (Hashtag baes before Christian Grey’s.)

Basketball, Men, And When God Just Isn’t Enough” – What *was* my most viewed blog of 2014 previously… what some guy friends taught me about God not being enough (and how He really should be.)

"why don't you just quit your job?"

Someone had reposted my recent commissions post and made a comment inquiring why I don’t just quit my job to do art full time.  I’m sure there was no slight intended, hell it was probably complimentary, but this comes up from time to time.  The short answer is this:  “because i’m an adult with debt & responsibilities who realizes walking away from 40k a year job to doodle for others is selfish”.  I’ve never understood how steady income, insurance, etc is seen as failure. Chase dreams but sleep comfortable I say. The fuller answer tho I think is worth a share, so if yer curious read on for 

THE ECONOMIC REALITIES OF BEING AN ARTIST IN THE YEAR AFTER THE YEAR OF LUIGI ACCORDING TO RUSTY after this here jump

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Hello, mates! I’ve decived to make my first Follow Forever in honour that a year ago today I started watching this ridiculous show called Once Upon a Time (cheesy reason, I know).

When I started watching, I never imagined that it would mean so much to me, that two of its characters (and the wonderful people who play them) would do so much for me and that they’d give me the chance to meet such amazing people. Thank you for a great year.

  • Mutuals in bold.
  • Absolute favs in italics.

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