Today, I fucked up... by picking up a hitchhiker and then showing up to my own funeral
This happened a few years ago and I was living in Zimbabwe at the time, and I was having a pretty bad day, I was going to see my auntie who lived about 400km away from me. If youre african you’ll understnad that this was no small journey. So I got in my car and set off and about 3 hours into the journey i came across a Dude by the side of the road who was going in the same direction, so out of the goodness of my heart i said jump in. we go to talking and he happened to be going to exact same village as me and he knew my auntie!.
Half an hour passes and we’re making polite chit chat and reminiscing about old times in zimbabwe, when all of a sudden he tell me to pull over, so I do. he runs out of the car and starts making wretching noises, so i assume he’s throwing up, its dark at this point so i cant really see much, so i go check on him ( first mistake). I get out and go to his side expecting him to be there but he’s not…..Then I here someone behind and me and before i know it im unconcious! so I wake up a couple hours later( iknow this becuase the sun was coming up at this point) without my car, clothes or wallet. so im thinking great. i look around and see im on some farmland wearing the giys clothes. SO i start walking in no particular direction and eventually come across a settlement.
I explain to them my situation and they tell me that the nearest main road is at least a good half a days walk from where I am and they dont get many cars coming through this part but they heard one last night ( which might be our thief). I start walking in the direction they point me in and after what felt like forever i come acroos a road, so I pitch up and start waiting, ( now i know most of you are thinking why not call someone, i had no phone with me and I dont have the best memory so I didnt know any numbers that would come in handy). after a couple of hours a car stops and lets me hitch I let him know the situaion and he says we’re in the complete opposite direction of my intended destination but he’s willing to drop me close enough to walk the rest of the way to which I thought great!
its takes a good two days to get there and he drops me off and i say my goodbyes to my driver, I take down his number so i can repay him later on. At this point im starting to recoginise my surroundings, I walk for a few miles and as im getting closer to my aunties i can here a lots of singing and what appears to be a large crowd which i though was strange. Im about 100 feet from the house and i see my Son which again i thought was strange because he was meant to be in school at this time, but instead of running to me and hugging me as he normally does…he runs away screaming to my complete bewilderment. I get to the the gate and all of a sudden the large crowd alerted by my sons scream has stopped singing and is stood silent. my wife appears and starts to run towards me hugging and kissing me like Ive been gone for months. My auntie appears and immediately faints when she sees me.
I still have no clue whats going on at this point and im exhausted, so we rush to get my auntie inside and I see my picture ontop of a large box that resembles a coffin sitting in the living room….
So it turns out that the guy who robbed me and made off with my car my wallet and all my clothes was in a car crash so bad that they couldnt identify the body and because the only things they could use to identify him was my wallet, they assumed it was me that had died in the crash. since there was no body of sorts they could arrange the funeral preety quickly and that is what I had stumbled upon. My son still has nightmares to this day and and my wife has told me never to pick up a hitch hiker ever again.
TL;DR Got carjacked, robber died and family thought it was me, they arrange my funeral and I somehow manage to stumble upon my own funeral.