i made the sign

when an Aries successfully pisses somebody off

when a Taurus gets paid and does impulse online shopping

when a Gemini uses nothing but logic & facts in their arguments to break somebody down

when a Cancer ends up getting their way by being bratty

when a Leo steals the center of attention in groups by changing the topic to themselves

when a Virgo proves somebody wrong

when a Libra uses their charm to avoid conflicts

when a Scorpio finds out all your information without you even being aware

when a Sagittarius gets lucky and doesn’t have to own up to their responsibilities

when a Capricorn uses their friends as a method of social climbing

when an Aquarius pushes people away because they know they’ll still be popular anyway

when a Pisces asks for advice but ignores it and falls back into the situations they complain about

the six types of love

eros: a passionate physical & emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love

leo, libra

ludus: a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have more than one partner at once

aries, sagittarius

storge: an affectionate love that slowly develops on friendship, based on similarity

gemini, taurus

pragma: love driven by the head, not the heart

aquarius, capricorn

mania: obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows, very possessive and often jealous lovers

scorpio, cancer

agape: selfless altruistic love; spiritual; soulmates

pisces, virgo

THE WAY THE SIGNS ARE LIKELY TO BREAK SOMEONE'S HEART
  • Aries: Not seeming interested enough in the relationship
  • Taurus: By valuing material things more than the relationship
  • Gemini: Not wanting to deepen the relationship
  • Cancer: By being passive-aggressive and refusing to let things go
  • Leo: By making their significant other believe their Leo love is only with them because they can't stand not being in a relationship
  • Virgo: Through constantly pointing out what's wrong with the relationship, rather than what's going well in it
  • Libra: Seeming to love themself way more than they will ever love their significant other
  • Scorpio: Refusing to open up and let the other person love them completely
  • Sagittarius: Constant uncertainty, leaving their significant other unsure of where their relationship stands
  • Capricorn: Finding work more important than love
  • Aquarius: By always seeming to be in a different world and seeming to lack value towards the relationship
  • Pisces: Acting childish and refusing to take responsibility for what they do wrong

Their eyes ~ moon signs

Aries radiate like a campfire

Taurus glistening like honey

Gemini sparkling like champagne

Cancer calming like the sea

Leo shine like gold

Virgo opening up like a book

Libra enchanting like a spell

Scorpio consuming like the night sky

Sagittarius brightening ur day like a smile

Capricorn intimidating you like ur deepest secrets

Aquarius electrifying you like adrenaline does

Pisces reflecting like a mirror

Signs having an existential

Sits with their head in their hand, staring off into space, their life plays on rewind behind their eyes: Virgo, Cancer, Libra, Gemini

Has deep revelations as they think about why they’re eating ice cream at 2am on a school night: Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius, Taurus, Capricorn

Screams into the void while running around in the dark and questions all their life decisions: Pisces, Scorpio, Aries

THE SIGNS AS WIKI-HOW PICTURES

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius:

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

The Signs as Quotes from the Movie "Heathers"
  • Aries: It's not very subtle, but neither's blowing up a whole school, now is it?
  • Taurus: "You look like hell." "Yeah? I just got back."
  • Gemini: This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.
  • Cancer: Our love is God. Let's go get a slushie.
  • Leo: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.
  • Virgo: If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be human; you'd be a game show host.
  • Libra: I love my dead gay son.
  • Scorpio: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
  • Sagittarius: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
  • Capricorn: I say we just grow up, be adults, and die.
  • Aquarius: Why are you pulling my dick?
  • Pisces: Chaos is great. Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
Game On!

[Astrology Edition]

Aries: Outlast- this is some SCARY VIOLENT BLOODY shit that requires serious balls to play. It is a hell of an adrenaline rush, and requires you to conquer your fears to make it through. 

Taurus: Skyrim- a game that lets you hoard shit, has lots of pretty nature, so you can chill and wander aimlessly. 

Gemini: Infamous: Second Son- fun, bright, colorful shit with a playful protagonist and unique premise. You’ll fucking love it. 

Cancer: Firewatch- Emotional, deep, but calming and mysterious. It’s an instant classic indie game that makes you feel nostalgic and lonely in the best possible way.

Leo: Mass Effect- It’s all about you, and you’re Shepard, hero of the galaxy. This series is dramatic, allows the player to self-insert, and allows you to romance all kinds of sexy aliens. 

Virgo: Heavy Rain- This is a game designed for those who pay attention to details and are keen on doing the right thing. It is some nerve-wracking shit, but well-suited for analytical types.

Libra: Life is strange- Decisions, decisions. They’re the bane of a libra’s existence, and the central focus of this game. You can change your mind as much as you want, but you’ll have regrets no matter what. 

Scorpio: Until dawn- Horror, the supernatural, and some seriously twisted psychological shit. It’s dark, suspenseful, and has layers and layers of weird clues to connect.

Sagittarius: Uncharted 4- Fun, adventure, and the quest for the ultimate treasure. Combine that with a good-humored protagonist with preternatural good luck, along with a penchant for philosophy, and you have the game-version of Sagittarius. 

Capricorn: The Evil Within- This game is dark, serious, gory, extremely, plot-heavy; but not very emotional. It is also not fun, which is good, because caps don’t want fun; they want a challenge.

Aquarius:The Stanley Parable- An indie game whose sole purpose is to criticize the narrative style of every other game out there. Nuff said. 

Pisces: Beyond: Two Souls- This is a game about sacrifice, about a girl who was a victim and an outcast, but retained her sense of empathy and compassion through it all. Lots of pretty graphics and emotions. You’ll love it. 

** Certain video games give off a vibe similar to the energy of certain signs, but you can take this as a rec list; check moon for what you’ll enjoy and mars for what you’ll probably be good at. 

The Signs as RuPaul's Drag Race Things
  • Aries: I'M NOT JOKING BITCH
  • Taurus: drag is NOT a contact sport
  • Gemini: tired ass showgirl
  • Cancer: removing wigs in a lip sync
  • Leo: Violet's waist
  • Virgo: The Night of the Four Madonna Kimonos
  • Libra: party
  • Scorpio: choices.
  • Sagittarius: the wet t-shirt contest of season 4
  • Capricorn: and the winner of rupaul's drag race is.....,goING TO BE ANNOUNCED AT THE REUNION IN 2 WEEKS TUNE INTO LOGOTV TO WA
  • Aquarius: UNHhhh
  • Pisces: Laganja crying

The signs as shit my professors said during my first year of theatre school:

Aries: “I’m missing that finger because my ex left me at the alter so I cut off my finger and retuned the ring”

Taurus: “Did… did he just climax?… no wait I loved it. Bigger next time”

Gemini:“So the question is: who ties up who when they’re hatefucking?”

Cancer:“Someone google if you can pay a sex worker with a credit card”

Leo: “I really hope we don’t get pulled over. I have a suitcase full of syringes and fake heroin in the back”

Virgo: “Straight people just humping away in the courtyard”

Libra: “Rainbowliciousness, it’s like the 90s again”

Scorpio: “This show has some of the best puppet sex I’ve ever seen”

Sagittarius: “Bear in the Big Blue House is like your fuzzy gay uncle”

Capricorn: “Today we’re going to learn practical life skills” *teaches us how to make balloon animals*

Aquarius:“I had a skunky weekend”*student mimes smoking a joint* “No, but I shoulda”

Pisces: “Eating pizza is a state of mind”