i made her a human here

The Emoji fucking Movie

Well I saw it. I wish I could say it was everything I expected it to be but it was worse. To summarize everything in one fluent and well-arranged thesis is too daunting a task because there’s simply too much to say about this blaspheme and so little time to properly convey it all. so here’s the main points on everything you need to know about this film

-i thought the Wreck It Ralph comparisons were bad enough but we find out Jailbreak was formerly a princess emoji but she rejected her status in favor of something more spunky and rebellious like holy shit they’re just unabashed in ripping off the beats of a superior movie.
-Sony hates millenials despite the fact that this movie was tailor-made to pander to them in the worst ways possible. Case in point, at one point the main human contemplates texting his crush and his frind tells him to only use emojis before saying in the most dude-bro way “words aren’t COOL”  at one point the teacher is talking about hieroglyphs and has to liken them to “the original emojis” because the students don’t want to learn any other way! they’re too obsessed with their phones! they have no attention spans! get it? GET IT?
-ADDING ONTO THAT! what is the message of this film? it doesn’t have one! there’s a scene where we see the main human deleted an email of lyrics/poetry he wrote for his crush but he deleted it because as his friends say WORDS AREN’T COOL. and you think “oh. the message will be that teens need to actually talk to each other more and express their feelings whatever” but oh no no no this is THE EMOJI MOVIE we’re talking about and the climax of the film is resolved by Gene (the main emoji) using his multiple faces to make the first emoji composed of multiple feelings back to back and gets sent to the crush who says “wow! I loved your emoji! it’s so nice to see a guy who’s willing to express his feelings” WHAT THE HELL? SO YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF YOUTH FOR USING EMOJIS BUT ULTIMATELY EMOJIS SAVE THE DAY?
-ALSO THE HUMAN IS A FUCKING NERD WHO DECIDES TO TAKE HIS PHONE TO THE TECH STORE TO DELETE EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE ONE EMOJI DOESN’T WORK
-There’s a stupid subplot about Gene’s meh parents having a falling out but it’s okay because they reconcile inside Instagram by hijacking a romantic photo and using the right filter
-TJ Miller touted the film as having a feminist positive message and let me tell you this is what it is. In Candy Crush, Gene finished one of Jailbreak’s sentences when she has an idea and out of nowhere Jailbreak yells “MEN ARE ALWAYS GETTING CREDIT FOR WOMEN’S IDEAS AND I’M SICK OF IT!” it comes immediately and ends abruptly. Gene doesn’t respond to it and Jailbreak doesn’t build onto that. the subject ends there. 10 minutes later Jailbreak says out of nowhere that in the early days emoji women only had the choice to be “princesses or brides” but that in the cloud she can be whatever she wants to be. again, this is never brought further or built upon. it feels so tacked on and barely even surface level like fuck they patted themselves on the back for this progressive-ass movie
-speaking of progressive, an internet troll calls the Just Dance lady a g***y. so yeah, add a slur usage to the list of offenses
-they go to Dropbox? Becuase kids love using Dropbox????
-Gene creates a new dance. The Emoji Bop. yes there is a dance party ending. 
-Someone tells Poop that he’s going soft. Patrick Stewart had to say the following line. “Not too soft, I hope” 
-Jailbreak in her princess form whistles and summons a twitter bird
-they go into youtube which has viral videos that are in live action and it’s super disorienting
-because this is a Sony movie, everyone uses Sony smart phones
-the 15 year old human has one of those fake-out apps that looks like a dictionary to his parents but it’s meant to hide like porn and illegal downloads so yeah fun for the whole family 
-if there’s one and I mean ONE good thing about the film it’s short. like barely 70 minutes. and yet that still feels like too long

The Emoji Movie is what you get when you have too much money. and nothing else. wait for a camrip online before watching it ironically. please please do not give this money. please. please. please please pleaskd qn

SU WANTED THEORY: The Pink Conspiracy; Homeworld Civil War Imminent!

Holy hell. Thanks to the Wanted special, we have a timeline granted a very rough timeline of the gem war, and now know around when Pink was shattered. 

According to Blue Zircon here, Rose Quartz and her terrifying renegade Pearl started the rebellion, then a few hundred years later, Pink is shattered. The way it’s explained, we don’t know if there was any more warring immediately following that, or if that’s what caused the order to evacuate before the Diamonds used the corruption song. For this theory, I’m going with the latter.

Then we’re hit with a bombshell;

Gemkind was lied to. Not just a huge bunch of the population. Gemkind.

The people of Homeworld were told the Earth was destroyed. From what we’ve seen so far, we can safely assume only the Diamonds and a select few elites know of the Earth’s existence. (Peridot, Jasper, the Rubies, etc), and by “the Diamond attack”, of course, they’re probably referencing this;

This changes everything. Why did they lie about the Earth? Besides the obvious; You’d want your people to think you’re all-powerful, what i mean is that’s quite a lie to keep up. Why go through all the trouble?

During The Trial, Blue Diamond makes clear the story everyone knows,  

But that’s impossible. Bismuth says in her debut, “It can cut a gem’s physical form in an instant, destroying the body, but never the gem.”.  Our only other eyewitness is Eyeball Ruby, who couldn’t tell Ame-Jasper apart from the real Jasper. 

She can’t tell Purple from Orange? Color plays such a huge role in their society, so important the Crystal Gems called themselves that because crystals have no color! It’s a symbol of their independence from the Diamond Authority. You’re telling me a war-hardened Ruby missed such an important detail as Jasper’s color? The others I can forgive, one of them didn’t even know who Pink Diamond was so we don’t know how new they are, but Eyeball? Is she colorblind?? Either way, we don’t know if she mistook whoever shattered Pink Diamond for Rose Quartz, or if Rose just used a different sword. Her testimony is unreliable.

Oh, and by the way?

What

the fuck

Is your problem Yellow D?

Yellow Diamond was clearly obstructing justice, and she lost it when Blue Zircon accused them of Pink’s shattering, almost as if the lawyer got too close. At first with her song “What’s the use of feeling Blue?” , we think Yellow Diamond wants to help Blue move on. But now that title’s double-meaning rings out to me and it scares me. “What’s the use of feeling, Blue?” Blue wants closure, not just the cheap revenge Yellow is offering her. Closure means knowing the truth so you can move on. If Yellow Diamond cares as much for Blue as she shows, why is she in such a rush to get Blue to bury this? You don’t just rush someone’s grieving. It’s clear Yellow doesn’t want her to know about something. 

Still not convinced? Look at Yellow Pearl here.

Wtf was that worried glance for? Since when does Yellow Pearl give a damn about anyone but her Diamond? That’s not a “oh shit are you okay Blue?” look, that’s a “Shit, are we screwed?” look.

Now. Personally, I never believed the rebellion was strong enough to fend off all 4 Diamonds and their homeworld forces alone. It never made sense, especially with Rose’s message of peace and Bismuth being bubbled for essentially advocating for murder. (though in these circumstances I really don’t blame her someone un-bubble my bb) Something’s wrong here.

Pink Diamond loved humans remember? Where did that come from? Sure, she plucked them up as trophies, but hold on. They’re not on display here, or in any way a display of her power. They’re kept nice and safe and com fortable, like pets. Rose Quartz didn’t understand the concept of love until Greg and her “fused” in the episode “We Need To Talk”, what if this was all Pink knew how to do? Would she have been fine seeing the Earth destroyed just to kill off Rose’s Rebellion? Blue doesn’t think so. Yellow Diamond does call it a “silly zoo” in her song after all, she doesn’t seem very supportive of Pink or Blue Diamond.  

Then there was this little scene.

Idk if anyone else has mentioned this, but I think Blue and Pink were in love. That’s what’s implied here, at least to me. They just paralleled Greg’s grief over Rose to Blue’s over Pink Diamond. That can’t be an accident.

What if Pink started to help Rose Quartz and the rebellion grew into such a threat that White Diamond needed her…removed? Rose did get her Pearl after all.

Listen fam, you can think whatever you want about our Pearl, she’s formerly White Diamond’s. Her gem’s in the right place. Rose would have needed someone on the inside to help her rebellion, and it would be a great show of power to say.. steal the Big Boss’s favorite slave?? The one servant White Diamond would have taken everywhere? Pearl must have known all of White’s secrets, and because of who White Diamond is, all of Homeworld’s secrets. All it would have taken is an offer of freedom. 

With Pink Diamond and White Pearl on her side, the Crystal Gems would have been a massive threat to Homeworld.

I think Pink Diamond’s shattering is a conspiracy that White and Yellow are keeping from Blue, because she and Pink were too close. They couldn’t allow Pink’s side to bolster the rebellion and start a gem civil war, so, Yellow and White found a way. Once Pink was shattered, they corrupted the survivors to silence any witnesses from the other side and pinned it on Rose Quartz to unify all of Gemkind against her and her Crystal Gems forever. They could accept the lie that the Earth was destroyed in a great retribution for their fallen Diamond, making her a martyr instead of a traitor and saving the Diamond Authority legacy.

Now, there’s the question of who. Well, White Pearl did betray White Diamond… wouldn’t it just be so poetic, to if not have Pink Pearl kill her master, not warn her about it?

Also, about what Yellow D said last..

Uh are you sure you want that Yellow D?  His mom started a rebellion. He has everything he needs right there now, plus, maybe an unlikely ally? 

Hey there everyone! WHOO! Finally got a reprieve, as I’m done with my drawings for my final project, now I have to continue typing the written parts.

Done largely in part because I love the lore, practice drawing human characters, and to pass the time whenever I need a breather from from college.

While researching for the lore of Dark Souls for my In-progress AU Comic, I noticed how LARGE the mythology of Dark Souls and the deities that reside, along with the fan speculation of which god corresponds with whom and etc. In spite of all this, from what I can tell, outside of Gwyn’s family, there has never been a, for lack of a better term, “compendium piece” of the gods and goddesses of dark souls, so I made my own :D

Because some gods are not represented in imagery, I decided to design how they might look if they ever showed up amongst mortals. I owe a lot to Tumblr, Reddit and the DS fandom as a whole, the amount of theory and lore discussions are always gold, and of course, the lore-lords like @vaatividya and @silver-mont, their vids are always interesting to watch :)

From the Top Row: The Bearers of the Lord Souls

Gravelord Nito: No need for an explanation here xD

Gwyn, Lord of Sunlight: Drawing him was easy, but here I wanted portray a very stern, no-nonsense god king who really, REALLY is someone you don’t want to piss off, and someone who is almost NEVER happy and/or satisfied.

The Witch of Izalith: I’m honestly surprised there’s not much fanart of how her face might look like, so I pitched in. She basically resembles her daughters, but with a more matriarchal vibe, with a stronger jawline and sharper eyes to reflect that. She’s also very tall, towering over Gwyn and just slightly edging out NK in height.

The Furtive Pygmies, featuring Manus and a Pygmy Lord: With the Ringed City revealing that there were SEVERAL pygmies, I had quite some fun with the speculation and possibilities of how the Pygmies as a whole looked like.

Personally? I simply interpret them as humans but more, with more power over the dark soul, but otherwise having different roles in society like regular folk, the Ringed Knights are Warriors, the Lords are the rulers, etc.

I put Manus amongst them, why? Because no way should ONE man be able to have THAT much abyss power just because he’s a human. Since the dark soul is divided amongst humans, I interpret him having a huge chunk of the Dark Soul (as per these two threads), and thus was simply a mighty sorceror who happened to be really, REALLY old, even by Pygmy standards. Plus I always wondered… How does one torture a dead man? The Mad King was described as undying, so according to my own logic, he wasn’t totally “dead” when he was buried. His grave could signify him wanting a modicum of peace, after all, his entire race was basically put in a glorified prison by Gwyn… Sensing the growing madness within him (probably due to sheer isolation), he probably decided to “die” on his own terms in Oolacile… then future idiots proceeded to listen to TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL SERPENT and dug up his grave.

The random Pygmy Lord is basically representing one of the first Pygmy Lords.


Second Row: The Children of the Gods

The Nameless King, Firstborn of Gwyn, God of War: In a short period of time, has become my favorite character amongst the gods… There’s so much of a story to tell from him, his relationship with his family, the reasons as to WHY he betrayed the dragons, and thanks to lore threads a-plenty, I interpret him as one of the most honorable and dedicated of the gods. He watches over his warriors of sunlight even if they ARE humans (whom Gwyn HATES) AND he protects Dragons. Despite meI head-canoning him bigger than Gwyn and is in general a wall of muscle and armor, he’s STILL shorter than his sisters.

Gwynevere, Goddess of Fertility: Gwynevere here I interpret as one of the nicer gods, so I made her expression to reflect such. Because Gwyndolin’s illusion of her may be simply him projecting what he remembers most of her and thus potentially exaggerating certain aspects, I toned down a lot the “Aphrodite-esque” glamor, in favor of a more personable look, though still decked out.

Filianore: The daughter we know even less of than Gwynevere, but thanks to a certain reddit thread that discussed how dedicated NK was to her via the floral carvings that is present in Archdragon peak… She must have been someone who NK was VERY close with, so I interpret her as the “Always trying to bring life to the family” kind of sister, though closest to her eldest brother.

Gwyndolin: The Dark Sun himself. Not much else to say here, I just wanted to draw him happy for once… Because WHY FROM? He really, really needs it.


The Daughters of Chaos

Quelana, Mother of Pyromancy: Due to her own title, I interpret her as the Studious Daughter, incredibly dedicated to her craft and always finding out ways to further her pyromancy… Until the Chaos Flame incident happened of course… Then she became wracked with survivor’s guilt…

I also interpret her as being the responsible one looking out to make sure her sisters don’t do anything too brash… Though in hindsight, that would make her suvivor’s guilt worse.

Quelaag: The most well known Chaos Daughter, and whom I interpret as The Aggressive Daughter, hence why she’s the only one of the sisters with a melee weapon. As the most in-your-face daughter I head-canon that she is the one who lowers down her hood the most, especially when she feels like challenging someone. Also VERY protective of her family.

Quelaan, The Fair Lady: Last but not least, I interpret Quelaan as always having been the shyest and nicest of the daughters. Her hood is more drooped down compared to Quelana, to highlight her shyness.

Fun fact, while trying to find her real name, turns out the name Quelaan was the name the community gave to her, and just became established fanon, so I just opted to name her just that.


Third Row: Other Members of the Larger Pantheon

All-Father Lloyd: Gwyn’s uncle, founder of the Way of White. Now there IS speculation that he’s not real, but here I interpret as the real deal, and thus looks like a wimpier, older version of Gwyn, yet still has an aura of authority. I used a bit of Paladin Leeroy for his crown, because I interpret that, when he REALLY needs to get his hands dirty, he too wields a mace, setting an example to all paladin-esque worshipers after him.

His clothes are tattered despite being the godly equivalent of a pontiff, to highlight two things:

One, despite him being a “lord”, his tattered look is to signify he is not “above” the rabble/his followers.

Two, I head-canon him becoming slowly more insane and full of hate toward the undead,as more and more of his family and friends either dies off or leaving home… He eventually disappears for unknown reasons and becomes forgotten.

Fina, Goddess of Love: The most popular candidate for Gwyn’s wife, or at least his first, I wanted to design her with the Embraced Set in mind, just modified to look more queenly rather than armor. Going by the general fanon, I interpret her as the mother of both NK and Gwynevere, but due to unknown circumstances, just up-and-left. Why? I dunno I haven’t thought that deep :(

Also wanted to try out and giving her a different look, skin-tone and facial wise compared to all the other gods and goddesses out there.

Velka, Goddess of Sin: My favorite goddess, her lore and weaponry associated with her is cool, but even with DS3 and all its DLC, I wish we got to know more of her and how she even became the one to hold the title of “goddess of sin” and how she absolves it. She is also, I noticed in fan-art and fanfic, the other most popular candidate for Gwyn’s wife.

Due to the fact that both Gwyndolin and Filianore are associated with illusions and magic, I interpret her as the mother of Filianore and Gwyndolin. She has sharp features and very pale skin, and share’s Filianore’s dark hair.

For her design, I compared aspects of the Statue of Velka from DS3, and both Oswald of Carim and Cromwell the pardoner. I didn’t want her to strictly dress like Oswald and Cromwell, so I incorporated more feathers to her outfit to give her a more “regal” look, as befitting a goddess, and not just pardoner. Funnily enough, with her book of sins and outfit, she also gives the aura of a medieval judge.

Caitha, Goddess of Tears: The third goddess associated with Carim, and one that I intentionally kept her eyes hidden. Mentioned in both 2 and 3, I want to reflect her constant “mourning” nature, and since ‘Gentle Prayer’ is associated with her chime in DS3, I thought her being in a position of prayer would be most appropriate.

Nahr Alma, God of Blood and Murder: Take Titchy Gren, make him more beast-like in proportion, now make him the size of Father Ariandel with the animalistic agility of the Orphan of Kos or Slave Knight Gael, and you have the God of Blood himself. I interpret him as a kind of god that is shunned by the rest, and is mostly treated as an attack dog, and nothing more. REALLY resents the other gods.

One of the things I loved most about Wonder Woman was how the thing that made Diana a superhero was her compassion and her love for others – for her Amazonian family, for Steve, for all of humanity.

All the traits we are told and socialized to see as traditionally feminine? They were Diana’s strength and her motivation for being Wonder Woman.

The movie never fell into the trap that so many do, writing “Strong Female Characters TM,” the writing of whom generally preoccupied with cutting all their ties to traditionally feminine traits and comparing them more with their male counterparts.

No. Here, when Diana steps into No Man’s Land, it’s because she can’t put aside the horrors that she’s seeing. Her compassion for the affected townspeople and their fate moves her to take action when “no man” can.

And the significance shouldn’t be lost on anyone that the villain she defeats at the end is Ares. Mars in roman mythology – yes, that same Mars we associate with the male symbol, the embodiment of traditional masculinity.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. That’s how the saying goes, right?

Though they’re reasonably well-matched in combat, Diana can’t get an edge over him until she truly connects with the love she feels for Steve and for the world. And that love and compassion and all her traditionally feminine traits are what allows her to win.

I LOVE MY FAT DISGUSTING PIG-WIFE

I’m Josh, and I love my fat disgusting pig-wife.

I’m a freelance author and lifestyle blogger. My wife is a fatass and tub of lard. I met my wife Charlotte at the county fair when I mistook her for one of the prize hogs and started feeding her corn out of my palm, careful to keep my fingers curled in so that she wouldn’t gnaw off the tips of my fingers. About a full four minutes into feeding her, I realized she wasn’t actually a hog, but was actually a very fat yet somehow sexually attractive woman! We quickly fell in love, even as she never kept her eyes off the corn. We’ve been inseparable ever since, partially because I always have a little bit of corn in my hand and she’s always sniffing and licking it. She’s so cute like that.

I love my fat butterball wife, disgusting curves and all. I love the way she really fills out her sty. For me, there is nothing sexier than this woman right here: thick thighs, big booty, bunch of chocolate sauce in her hair ‘cause she fell asleep in her sundae, contact lenses made of Necco wafers, sometimes eats out of the recycle bin if she’s too tired to get to the fridge. This gorgeous girl I married fills out every inch of her jeans and is still the fattest one in the room. But hey, that’s just me. I’m a feminist, and so is my big-as-a-house revolting wife.

As a teenager, I was teased for being attracted to things that didn’t even look human, like women fatter than a size 4 and big rocks and like those old timey bikes with one big round wheel. Then, as I became a man and started to educate myself on issues such as feminism and farm animals, I realized how many men have bought into the lies of the media. A woman doesn’t have to be tall and thin to be beautiful! A woman doesn’t even have to have a name or personality! She can just be a shapeless blob with no distinguishing marks about her like a pile of condensed milk. That’s how I feel about my gorgeous, disgusting wife Carly. Wait, is that her name, “Carly?” That doesn’t look right. What’s her name? Definitely something with a C. I’d ask her, but her mouth is full right now, as she is eating Thanksgiving dinner in August.

Sure, my wife isn’t going to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan, except when she sits on it because I’ve lined her kennel with issues of Cosmopolitan. Because when she sits around the kennel she sits aroooound the kennel. Which is fine! But Cindy is so kind. Cindy has the biggest heart of anyone I know. Even her heart is plus-sized. And I love it for that. Whether my wife is finding an old bagel tucked underneath her cute side rolls or devouring a whole chocolate fountain even the metal parts before the guy we rented it from comes to take it away, she’s always being true to herself. She’s always just being Claire.

Guys, rethink what society has told you that you should desire. A real woman is not a porn star or a bikini mannequin or a movie character. She’s perfectly unique. She has stretch marks. She has big flat teeth that she uses to bite you if you try to cut when she’s waiting in line for soft serve. She has cute little dimples on her booty that she fills with hard candies and bouillon cubes to keep for later in case she gets hungry at the DMV. The twelve teats that run vertically down her front might not all be the same size. She’s real.

Girls, don’t ever fool yourself by thinking you have to fit a certain mold to be loved and appreciated. There is a guy out there who is going to celebrate your turgid sausage of a body for exactly who you are, someone who will love you just like I love my disgusting wife Chappie. I love you, honey!

Dissonance [Prologue]

summary: There’s something about the girl with flowers that fascinates the God of the Underworld. || [hades!bucky x persephone!reader] || mythology au

warnings: none, for now

note: Here is a little sneak peek/introduction to the Mythology AU that I’m writing with H (@mangowoods). He’s gracing me with the permission to use some excerpts from a book he’s written called ‘The Gods are Dead.’ Everything in blockquotes is from his book. He has a chapter up on his page if you’d like to go check it out. Without further ado, here is Dissonance. Also, I made this little visual. Tell me what y’all think; feedback is always appreciated!

Keep reading

I know round here we all agree that hot!young Harrison Ford with his carpenter’s hands is one of the most compelling arguments for time travel humanity has yet put forward, but I am here to tell you that the modern 6 year old is less easy to impress. “I thought Indiana Jones was a girl,” she said sadly, clearly underwhelmed by her first sight of him in Raiders of the Lost Ark. “Me too,” echoed her sister, slurping mournfully at a Calipo as if I personally had betrayed her by allowing this 80s classic to be made with a ~man~ as the main character. “She should be a girl. A girl with glasses.”

Move over Harrison my friend, kids today don’t want hats n whips n leather jackets, they want their swashbuckling heroes to be GIRLS. Girls who look like librarians. Get to work Hollywood, don’t leave my children disappointed.

AU: Diana goes to the underworld to bring Steve back and battles with Hades to take him.

- Hades! - Diana shouted.
- I was wondering how long was it going to take you to come down here, niece - Said Hades looking at her.

- Let him go and I will do you no harm - Diana answered fiercely.

- Careful Diana, don’t forget who are you talking to, you mistake me for Ares. Living with mortals made him weak, just like they weakened you…Risking yourself for a human. Pathetic - He replied sternly - Do you want him? Come get him…If you can - Hades added before throwing her a blaze of fire.

- Diana! - Steve screamed.

Professor

In which Andrew didn’t choose Exy but still chose Neil, which meant Neil had to learn how to talk about something other than stick-ball. 

warning, mention of implied sexual assault/non-con


Lucy had not anticipated what she was dealt. 

Her first day of second year brought a tone of finality to it all: it wasn’t just a year-long dream of terrible decisions and alcohol and chaos. It continued on, and so would she. 

Her first day also happened to bring Professor Andrew Minyard, five feet and blond and utterly terrifying. 

Introducing the course had started off mundane enough, until Eddie Court – an asshole she’d regretted sleeping with dearly – decided to lean over her shoulder. He never got the chance to say anything because a pencil dotted him squarely in his forehead, so hard that a tiny droplet of blood threatened to bead. 

Everyone stared. Shocked, confused, but remaining in complete silence as they  – Lucy included – tried to remember if anyone had mentioned anything about the man, whether or not this was normal or out-of-the-ordinary behaviour. 

“Name.” He sounded bored. 

Eddie rose his fingers to brush his forehead, smearing the tiniest of droplets. He stared at his fingertips, then at Minyard, then at the pencil that had clattered on his desk. Then at Minyard again. “Eddie Court.”

“Court. Christ.” The professor said, with a palpable distaste to his tone. “I will say this once, despite having to repeat it every year, because students seem to get thicker with every new class.” His face was blank. Stone. Lucy had never heard someone utter insults with such apathy. She didn’t know whether or not to be scared or curious: Such a mask was difficult to maintain. “Shut the fuck up, or get the fuck out. Understood?”

Swearing in class. At the students. Completely against protocol. 

Lucy couldn’t help but smile. Just a little. 


Within weeks, the class had learned how to abide by Professor Minyard’s rules. His previous students were sought out, but they merely grinned at the mention of his name. One student dared to ask another law professor, questioning the teaching methods of the criminology expert. They shook their head, leaning to the professor next to them and sharing a laugh, an inside joke that none of the second years were a part of. 

Yet. 

Curiosity won out over fear eventually, and what that said about Lucy, she wasn’t sure. Eventually, he won her respect: The piece of white chalk he’d flung had imbedded itself in her tightly curled hair when she’d fallen asleep at the eight AM lecture on a Tuesday morning. 

“You think I want to be here, Rone?” 

That piece of chalk rested on her bedside table. Lucy didn’t want to be weird, especially considering her professor hadn’t played Exy since college, but he’d played with Neil Josten and Kevin Day. The Neil Josten, and the Kevin Day. And if she had spent nights watching old Palmetto State Fox games, sitting in awe as she watched him flick balls away from the goal like it was absolutely nothing, no one was going to know. 

He was just as apathetic as he had been back then. Lucy had decided he was just emotionless: That didn’t make him any worse at teaching, so it wasn’t really her problem. 

And then she became his problem. 


Her grades had dropped dramatically low. Andrew stared at the results that he’d just drawn up, picked the paper up off the desk, and leaned back in his chair. 

It was a midterm. He’d eyed Lucy Rone’s bad results in the past two mini-quizzes, her surprisingly worsening attendance, and this was enough to force his hand. 

Half an hour later, he was convinced this was abnormal behaviour, if her patterns rang true. 

Caring, caring. Perhaps the internal monologue would never leave him alone, but he knew better than to listen to it’s mocking tone. Watch yourself turn into Wymack, why don’t you. Call Dan and say you’re taking over as coach of the Foxes. 

He almost told himself to shut up, but the chime of his phone snapped him out of his head. It kept chiming and he sighed, picking it up and wedging it between his shoulder and ear, returning to stare at the mark scrawled in the corner of the exam paper. 

“Are you going to be here for dinner?”

“Not if you’re attempting to make something.” Neil had improved past the broke-college-student level of cooking skills, but he wasn’t apt enough to cook dinner without some form of disaster. 

It hadn’t taken long for Andrew to learn the sound of Neil grinning through the phone. A particular tone of voice, a particular exhale. “It’s already done. Just has to be heated up again.”

“Edible?”

“Can’t really be the judge of my own creation, can I?”

“I’ll be home soon.” Andrew liked the way his mouth curled around the word home.”Lucy Rone. Sound like someone problematic to you?”

“Not particularly. Lucy’s always been the name of that old woman sitting on the front porch, knitting. Five cats, crocheting and all.”

“So, you?”

“If old ladies swung heavy sticks at other people, sure.”

Andrew let himself smile. He allowed himself this. The small curl up on his lips. He’d earned that, after all this time. “Sure.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Unusually bad performance. Moved from sitting front and centre to back corner. Shit attendance.”

“You’re probably a much better judge of character than I would be, now.”

Because I’ve studied criminal, suspicious and victimised behaviour for a long time, Andrew wanted to remind him. But this was no longer a sore spot for Neil: He no longer needed to read people’s intentions in need to survive, because he was safe. He could let that overly-analytical part of himself behind. It had been almost 12 years since their first win against Edgar Allen. He was still alive, well. 

Happy, even. 

Hard to believe that was partly Andrew’s fault. 

Focus. 

Andrew emailed Lucy to visit him before their next class at nine o’clock the next morning. 


She was five minutes early, he was five minutes late. He couldn’t say anything about her appearance, considering he was wearing Neil’s jersey under his coat and that he had walked out of the door with a coffee, slippers and nothing to comb his hair with but his fingers. 

His students knew not to say anything. 

Lucy sported a pair of sweats that had her high school’s initials printed on the front, with a pair of exy sticks embroidered just underneath. Her name was printed on the back pocket, and they only just came down to her ankles. 

Exy fan, then. Andrew wouldn’t have guessed. 

She didn’t say anything, sparing him a hollow looking before following him into his office. He’d used to share it, until he’d bribed the finicky financial law to move somewhere else. It was entirely his own space, clean and devoid of decoration. 

He motioned towards the desk and she leaned against it, clutching the binder to her chest. 

Brown skin didn’t usually lose this much of it’s valour, even during winter. 

And winters in South Carolina were hardly anything worth mentioning. 

“Your grades.”

She was staring at the floor. Her eyes didn’t move when she nodded. 

“All I need is a reason.” 

She said nothing. 

“It’d probably be easier on you if you told me. I’m your criminology professor: I’ll find out eventually.”

“I’m not on drugs.” She said, quickly, but not so quickly that it was an immediate red flag. An orange flag. Andrew settled back into his seat and propped his ankle on his knee. 

“Never said you were.”

“I’m fine.” 

Andrew gave her a flat look. “You know who also says that?”

She shook her head. 

“Surely someone who still wears her high school’s exy uniform would have an inkling. Yay-high, hair like a fire-engine siren, mouth like one too.”

Her eyes lit up. “I’ve always wanted to ask if he knows that you wear his old Palmetto jersey. I thought he hated you?”

“I hated him.” Andrew corrected her. “I hate him.” He corrected himself. “And he knows.”

She looked wistful. “Cool.” 

“Lucy.”

She looked back at him. 

“If there’s a problem, you come to me. Alright?”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

“Because you can trust me. I can be a lawyer, a therapist, an advice column, what have you.”

“Can I trust you?”

“When you’re ready to.” 

She seemed satisfied enough to nod, murmur a timid thank you, and slipped out the door. 


Lucy banged on the door, feeling sick. She couldn’t go back to her dorm, because it made her want to crawl into a corner and be enveloped in a shadow. To be the smallest, most insignificant thing. 

She wasn’t sure how on earth her criminology professor was supposed to empathise with her, when he was the human embodiment of a brick wall, but here she was, trembling, feverish, panicked, and knocking on his office door at ten o’clock at night. 

He opened the door with a mildly annoyed expression, which flattened out immediately at the sight of her. 

She’d only seen him this morning, but that felt like a whole world away now. 

“Hello.”

She wanted to ask why he was still here, on campus, this late at night. What on earth he could possibly be working on, at ten o’clock on a Tuesday evening. Instead, she blurted: “What does it mean if I didn’t say no?”

He stilled. 

Too much, too much, too much: She had asked too much of him, a middle aged professor who apparently had two cats and a boyfriend, if the senior’s rumours were true. Criminology professor aside, this was the last thing someone like him would want to be dragged into –

He stood aside and motioned for her to come in. She shuffled by him, arms around her stomach. He shut the door. 

Lucy wanted to be sick. 

He pulled a pen out of his pocket – professors always had pens on them, didn’t they? – and tore a corner off a piece of paper, scribbling down a phone number. 

“This woman helped me.” Betsy. “She can help you, too.”

“You said you could be a therapist.” Lucy hedged. 

He sighed, and she’d never seen him so reflective. “I have my limits.”

She nodded. She took the piece of paper. She left. 


“Where the fuck is Court?” Andrew leaned on the edge of his desk at the front of the lecture hall, eyeing the empty seat. Second lesson in a row. 

Lucy Rone sat in front of it, back straight, gaze steady. 

“Suspended.” 

Andrew looked at her. “For how long?”

There was a hesitant smile. “Undetermined. Charges have been pressed against him.” 

Andrew drew a long line through Eddie Court’s name on the attendance.


Lucy waited by the door and saw her professor approaching, with the stack of papers in his hands. She was anxious about this mark, more-so than the others. Her dip in performance would be hard to get back up from, but if she could do it in criminology, she could do it in the rest. There was a cluster of students waiting to get their essay’s grade back, but Lucy was first in line. 

“Yay or nay?” She asked. 

Professor Minyard gave Lucy a flat look, and opened the door. 

Lucy promptly had a heart attack at the man beyond the door. 

“Feet. Off.” Her professor said, looking flatly at Neil Josten, with his feet propped up on the desk, arms folded. He, too, was wearing a faded jersey of the Palmetto Foxes’ colours, but it was too bunched up for Lucy to read the name. 

“Surprise.” Neil Josten said, and Lucy wanted to scream. 

“Get your fucking feet off my fucking desk.” Her professor dropped the large stack of papers next to where Neil Josten had propped up his heavy boots. Neil did not get his fucking feet off the fucking desk. 

Lucy almost had the nerve to scream: do you know who that is? Do you have any clue how famous he was? But she remembered that the two of them were friends. Sort of. She held her tongue, and let her heart thrum in her chest, happy to be completely ignored. 

“Leave.” Professor Minyard flicked Neil in the temple. 

Neil smiled. Neil Josten smiled. 

Lucy was having heart palpitations. 

He slowly drew his feet away from the desk to stand, still smiling. “Have a nice day.”

“You weren’t meant to be here till tomorrow evening, Josten. Explain.”

“You’re busy. Later.”

Lucy watched her professor’s arm reach out to brush along Neil Josten’s forearm as he slid past, and there was a startlingly foreign crinkle of warmth in his eyes. 

The back of Neil’s Palmetto jersey read Minyard. A thin platinum ring, identical to the one her professor wore around his neck, clacked against the doorknob as he pushed it open. She remember her professor occasionally wearing Josten. 

There was a startling curve of her professor’s lips, an almost smile that made him look almost human. 

Neil grinned before slipping out the door. 

Oh, Lucy thought, and then she said it aloud. 

Her professor turned on her, pointing. “If you dare to ask me for a single autograph, I will fail you.” 

Lucy was still smiling. 

“If any word about this gets out, I will fail you.” He warned. 

“Are you married?” Lucy laughed. 

His face was stone. 

“Holy shit. Professor Josten-Minyard. Two cats and a husband.”

“It’s Minyard-Josten.” He said coldly. “Get out.” 

Lucy got out.


By the next class, everyone knew, despite Lucy not breathing a word. Which meant the entirety of Neil Josten’s personal but still public Instagram account displayed his home life. But that was none of his student’s – or anyone’s– business. 

And if Neil started coming in with breakfast on those Tuesday morning lectures during his off season, that was none of their business either. 

Student Body

I admired myself in the mirror. I looked, I thought, perfect. I’d put enough work into it, I should look perfect at this point.
Smile, faintly lopsided but not too lopsided. Teeth, off-white and slightly crooked. Pupils, round and black but not too round or too black. Skin, a delicate texture of almost-identical shades. Hair, buzzed short for ease of maintenance, also a texture and not just a colour. Five fingers of appropriately varied lengths on each arm, five toes the same on each foot. Two feet, two legs, two arms, two hands. I looked perfect.

Then, I walked outside and realized I had made a horrible mistake. I had forgotten something essential. While I looked perfect, my shadow branched four legs from two feet, and had long, curving horns that widened the shadows head. I considered, for a moment, turning around. Skipping this year. Continuing to work until it was truly perfect. But no, by that point the faculty would be on to me, and wouldn’t let me back. So, self-conscious about the shadow behind me, I went to class.

At first, I thought no one had noticed, until we had a break and a girl came over.
“Why are you here?” She seemed angry, leaning in very close so her iron pendant almost touched me.
“To learn.” I responded, voice flat and one-dimensional.
“To learn what?” She demanded, still very close.
“Biology, currently.” The professor called her back to her seat, and she left with a huff.

I went through weeks like that, my lack of humanity the worst kept secret on campus. Sometimes, when I sat very quietly, seemed fully absorbed in my classes, they would forget about my shadow. I learned ways to protect myself from me, and others like me. Iron-spined books, and salt packets. I found a ramen packet, in fact, empty of its contents. I filled it with sand and kept it in my pocket, along with the tin pendant I found. I look more like a student now, and sometimes they forget to look.

The girl from the first day, Stone, had taken to hovering near me. She followed the rules religiously, and warded off any more unwary classmates. She’d talk to me then, about silly classmates, or books she was reading.
Then came the day Stone was taken. She had been walking home, and followed the wrong path in the dark, and I cannot rightfully explain my fury. She was not mine, I did not hold her name, but she was my closest friend, if I could be said to have such things, and how was I to properly study when my best example was taken?

I shed my glamours that night, and returned to the world I was born in. As I left, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My head looked heavy with my horns revealed, and my eyes were distant and alien. There was no warmth to my skin, and the sound of my hooves on the floor was uncomfortably loud. There were sores around my mouth from the times I had eaten salt in the cafeteria, burns on all fourteen of my fingers from lifting iron. I shook myself and walked into the night to find Stone.

I found her. I felt guilty, to be seen honestly at last. I expected shock, or horror. I did not expect her gaze to linger around my mouth, around my fingertips, an odd expression of concern.
They let me take her without bargains. I made them uncomfortable, too, with my studies. I brought her back, hand in hand, and left her at her dorm.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” She asked, voice small in the swallowing darkness.
“We have class.”

Stone brought cupcakes to class the next day, to celebrate her return to the world of humanity. She proclaimed loudly that they were salted caramel, so I remained in my desk, an odd sinking feeling in my gut.
I could hear her approach, but was still surprised when a cupcake landed on the edge of my space.
“Here. Made to suit your dietary restrictions.” I blinked at her for a second, my human eyes back in place, and she smiled.
The cupcake didn’t burn as I ate it, completely unsalted.
“I appreciate you thinking of me.” I admitted at the end.
“Likewise.” She paused, looking at the seat beside me.
“Can I sit here?” I smiled, a lopsided but not too lopsided smile.
“Sure. I’m just here to learn.”

Stone would speak to me about other things, after that. About her family, her brothers, the world of humanity at large. She would help me with math, and I would help her with writing. She never slipped up following the rules, but I would not have taken her even if she had, and she knew it.

At graduation, three years later, as we all cheered and threw our hats in the air, Stone leaned over to me and whispered in my ear.
“I don’t want to leave.” I gave her a startled look, the rest of the world growing dim around me.
“Can I stay with you?” She snuggled in closer to me, eyes beseeching.
“You know what I’d need.” My voice felt distant, almost hollow, though I could tell it was more resonant than usual.
“My name is Petra. Can I stay with you?” I could feel my illusions cracking, eyes shining a little too brightly.
“My name is Thali. I will keep you as long as you wish to be kept.” Then I kissed her, because it felt like the thing to do.
“Thank you.” I whispered into her hair as she laughed, delighted.

She teaches, now, and I do too. My Petra teaches mythology and astronomy, and I have late-night classes, in some of the more fluid classrooms, for those interested among my people. Explaining what I can about their world, how to cast a convincing glamour, explaining about math and science and biology.
I’m so glad I didn’t skip.

x

ᴛᴀɴɢʟᴇᴅ sᴇɴᴛᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴇᴍᴇ
      sᴇɴᴅ ᴏɴᴇ ( ᴏʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ) ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴍᴜsᴇ!


  • ❝ This is the story of how I died. ❞
  • ❝ That’s when people usually start to look for a miracle. ❞
  • ❝ And for that one moment, everything was perfect. ❞
  • ❝ Why can’t I go outside? ❞
  • ❝ The outside world is a dangerous place filled with horrible, selfish people. You must stay here where you’re safe. ❞
  • ❝ All the things we’ve seen and its only eight in the morning. ❞
  • ❝ Stop taking everything so seriously. ❞
  • ❝ Stop with the mumbling, you know how I feel about the mumbling. ❞
  • ❝ I distinctly remember your birthday was last year. ❞
  • ❝ That’s the funny thing about birthdays, they’re kind of an annual thing. ❞
  • ❝ I can’t believe that after all we’ve been through together, you don’t trust me. ❞
  • ❝ Okay, okay, okay…I’ve got a person in my closet. ❞
  • ❝ I do hate leaving you after an argument, especially when I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. ❞
  • ❝ You are not leaving this tower! Ever! ❞
  • ❝ Ugh, great. Now I’m the bad guy. ❞
  • ❝ I’ll be back in three days time. I love you very much, dear. ❞
  • ❝ I know why you’re here and I’m not afraid of you. ❞
  • ❝ The only thing I want to do with your hair is to get out of it. ❞
  • ❝ Who are you, and how did you find me? ❞
  • ❝ I know not who you are nor how I came to find you, but may I just say…hi. How ya doin’? ❞
  • ❝ I was being chased, I saw a tower, I climbed it. End of story. ❞
  • ❝ I have made the decision to trust you. ❞
  • ❝ Tomorrow evening they will light the night sky with these lanterns. ❞
  • ❝ When I promise something, I never ever break that promise. ❞
  • ❝ I didn’t want to have to do this but you leave me no choice. ❞
  • ❝ Well that’s okay, what she doesn’t know won’t kill her. ❞
  • ❝ I’m a despicable human being. ❞
  • ❝ You know I can’t help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself here. ❞
  • ❝ This is part of growing up. ❞
  • ❝ Stay calm. It can probably smell fear. ❞
  • ❝ Haven’t any of you ever had a dream? ❞
  • ❝ Go. Live your dream. ❞
  • ❝ Someone get me a glass, ‘cause I just found me a tall drink of water. ❞ 
  • ❝ Let’s just assume for the moment that everyone in here doesn’t like me. ❞
  • ❝ I have got to get me one of these. ❞
  • ❝ I was going to offer you something worth one thousand crowns, would have made you rich beyond belief. ❞
  • ❝ A gift like that, well, it has to be protected. ❞
  • ❝ You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? It could ruin my reputation. ❞
  • ❝ Well a fake reputation is all a man has. ❞
  • ❝ Why would he/she like you, come on now really. ❞
  • ❝ Look at you! Do you think that he/she’s impressed? ❞
  • ❝ I just listened to the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that. ❞
  • ❝ All good things to those who wait. ❞
  • ❝ Well I hope you came to apologize. ❞ 
  • ❝ I need you not to get him arrested. ❞
  • ❝ What if its not everything I dreamed it would be? ❞
  • ❝ And what if it is? What do I do then? ❞
  • ❝ You get to go find a new dream. ❞
  • ❝ I’m not scared anymore. ❞
  • ❝ We want him/her instead. ❞
  • ❝ The world is dark and selfish and cruel. If it finds even the slightest ray of sunshine, it destroys it. ❞
  • ❝ I’m the lost princess. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power. ❞
  • ❝ But I should have been hiding from you. ❞
  • ❝ Where will you go? He/She won’t be there for you. ❞
  • ❝ That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes. ❞
  • ❝ You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. Now I’m the bad guy. ❞
  • ❝ Let’s see how fast you can run. ❞
  • ❝ We’re going where no one will ever find you again. ❞
  • ❝Our secret will die with him. ❞
  • ❝ I will never stop trying to get away from you. ❞
  • ❝ I can’t let you die. ❞
  • ❝ But if you do this, then you will die. ❞
  • ❝ You were my new dream. ❞
  • ❝ Did I ever tell you I got a thing for brunettes? ❞
  • ❝ After years and years of asking, and asking, and asking, I finally said yes. ❞
I've been watching Sense8 and here's what I think of each of the sensates:

Capheus and Kala: Too good, too pure, made out of sunshine and good things.
Sun: Doesn’t need my protection, could kick my ass and yet here I am willing to take a beat up for her.
Wolfgang: Yeap, I’m adopting this one, wrap him as a gift!
Nomi: Deserves nothing but hapiness in her life and I’m so glad she’s got Amanita. Goddesses, both of them.
Lito: Man! What a treasure he is, such a jewel! If you can’t appreciate Lito, I can’t appreciate you.
Riley: No one is allowed to hurt her ever again, you hear me? C'mon, let’s take turns to hug her.
Will: Boy’s like a human dog, like in a good way, such a good boy.

✰ * º ❛ you’re the worst sentence starters. ❜

‘  who knows their own address?  ’
‘  are we feminists? is this feminism?  ’
‘  i’m not a sidekick! i’m beyonce, not kelly rowland.  ’
‘  your cockaholism may just be about the least important thing in the world to me right now.  ’
‘  i wouldn’t call 10 a.m. ‘really early’.  ’
‘  cool! let’s add cocaine to the butt stuff.  ’
‘  you can’t leave! i love you!  ’
‘  do you even know what love means?  ’
‘  now go make me some bagel bites.  ’
‘  love isn’t about having somebody get you things. love is putting someone else’s feelings above your own. do you think you could ever do that? honestly?  ’
‘  do i look like a fitbit? i don’t give a shit about your sleep.  ’
‘  why are you yelling at me? what are you doing in my house?  ’
‘  i need you to act like a human person and pick up your damn phone when i call your skank ass!  ’
‘  you know, after i cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.  ’
‘  did you wear your booby shirt?  ’
‘  if i don’t get a night off soon, i think my liver is gonna slide out of my body.  ’
‘  i’m peeing blood and i briefly forgot the word for telephone.  ’
‘  you’re right. she’s gonna hate me.  ’
‘  you think i’m an unfriendly treacherous mountain?  ’
‘  we’re adults! we can do this ourselves.  ’
‘  you’re losing your hair.  ’
‘  practicing what? dying alone?  ’
‘  i told the spice girls i was dying in order to get free concert tickets.  ’
‘  i learned blue balls were a myth when i was 12.  ’
‘  i’m not much of a cleaner.  ’
‘  you’re not much of a human!  ’
‘  did you slither out of your mothers cooch yesterday?  ’
‘  i can’t believe i finally made a new friend and i tried to bang her the first time we hung out.  ’
‘  no offense, but you’re kind of making my skin crawl.  ’
‘  i’m not comfortable about feelings.  ’
‘  aren’t we lucky we’re both in professions where we can day drink?  ’
‘  i’m glad this is a one-night thing so we can reveal all this awful shit about ourselves.  ’
‘  what do you mean you watch tv on your computer?  ’
‘  i don’t know what i’m doing here. i’m not even attracted to you.  ’
‘  you two are poison people. this is gonna end so badly.  ’
‘  if you wanna go, just go.  ’
‘  why can’t you just let this be over?  ’
‘  you and i, we’re inevitable.  ’
‘  move in with me.  ’
‘  i just humiliated myself by accepting your non-marriage proposal, i cannot now move in with you.  ’
‘  you’re just doing this as a hail mary because you know you’re about to lose me for good.  ’
‘  what i have finally realized is that the worst possible draft of my life is the one without you in it. i hate it, but you goddamn floor me.  ’
‘  oh shit… we’re gonna do this even though we know there is only one way this ends. whether in a week or twenty years, there is horrible sadness and pain coming in and we’re inviting it.  ’
‘  she stayed! you say she forced you, but we both know there’s not a person on this planet who’s ever had a good outcome trying to force you to do anything. she stayed and that means something whether you wanna admit it or not.  ’
‘  i’m not doing anything… i’m crying in my car.  ’
‘  don’t start keeping secrets now.  ’
‘  the only thing i need from you is to not make a big deal with it and be okay with how i am and the fact that you can’t fix me.  ’
‘  no, i’m mad at you because you think you can fix me! you can’t fix me! i don’t need to be fixed!  ’
‘  it’s like you have amnesia. every day you think things are gonna be different.  ’
‘  maybe you can understand this: i feel nothing.  ’
‘  i’ll be back in a couple of days.  ’
‘  you stayed? …you stayed!  ’
‘  you just said ‘boyfriend.’  ’
‘  i understand that my actions could lead you to feel a bit unwelcome and i’ll work on not being such a control freak.  ’
‘  i’m done comparing this to what normal people do.  ’
‘  normal people are terrible.  ’
‘  when i look at you, i swear i can see years years into the future with you.  ’
‘  …i love you too.  ’
‘  i’ve just heard that you’re the worst.  ’
‘  i tricked him into giving me back rubs, saying it made me horny.  ’
‘  obviously, i thought it was, like, boring as shit.  ’
‘  clearly you used to jack off to hemingway in high school.  ’
‘  i’m an irresponsible monster who burned down her apartment with a vibrator.  ’
‘  if there is even a remote possibility of breakfast and you don’t wake me up, i will never touch your dick again with any part of my body.  ’
‘  jokes on you, dummy, i’m already horny.  ’
‘  oh my god! that is so sexist and mansplain-y.  ’
‘  if ‘i love you’ is like a promise, it’s just a promise to try real hard. doesn’t mean you can’t fail.  ’
‘  i shit myself earlier and that is only the second most embarrassing thing that has happened to me today.  ’
‘  you knew who i was, you don’t get to act surprised now.  ’
‘  bam! carpe those diems!  ’
‘  i have to gone girl myself and start over where nobody knows me.  ’
‘  i’m going to have a baby.  ’
‘  i just want my kids to be sad when i die.  ’
‘  i didn’t want to kill him. i just snapped!  ’
‘  i feel guilty because of how much he suffered… and because you stabbed him on purpose.  ’
‘  you’re so getting murdered.  ’
‘  i can’t tell him my brain is broken.  ’
‘  don’t stalk me again because you suck at it.  ’
‘  back off, bitch.  ’
‘  don’t go.  ’
‘  i got your back, always.  ’
‘  you might not be useful in the radish sense, but you’re a good friend and you make people happy.  ’
‘  when i get back, you’re going to take me to a real bar and feed me cheap whiskey until i forget about that time i stopped being able to have sex with my boyfriend ever again because he took me to a bar that only served water!  ’
‘  so, would you say it’s a… problem-free philosophy? it’s like… no worries for the rest of your days?  ’
‘  did you just quote the lion king to me?  ’
‘  hey, um, so listen… i think you’re funny and cute and i’d like to take you on  a date with me for a date.  ’
‘  why did you put a murder tour on your list?  ’
‘  you even quit a rewards club because you couldn’t handle the commitment.  ’
‘  wear your stains on the outsides of your clothes.  ’
‘  see? dogs eat nachos.  ’
‘  hey, that’s your best garbage bag. you going somewhere?  ’
‘  i’ll be out by the time you get back. have fun, you deserve it… whoever she is.  ’
‘  red licorice vodka?  ’
‘  send money, loser!  ’
‘  and you date him… willingly.  ’
‘  my heart is a dumb dumb.  ’
‘  i’ve always been able to flip myself back over eventually, but… i ran out of times. this is how i am now and it’s not okay with you, nor should it be.  ’
‘  i suppose it’s good that this happened now, instead of like, ten years down the line.  ’
‘  the world is absolutely lousy with people and i hate them all. i hate everyone but you.  ’
‘  what the hell is wrong with us?  ’
‘  let’s make a pact never to feel anything around each other ever again.  ’
‘   i’ve never eaten a blueberry.  ’
‘   i’ve always had one foot out the door. with everything. especially with us.  ’
‘   so, you might just suddenly bounce out of here?  ’
‘  can we just… bail?  ’
‘  you’ve had a little too much to drink, didn’t you, buddy?  ’

I trust Julie and Iman

Have had a couple thoughts about how Season 4 is coming out and just wanted to share them.

i personally love this season. Julie has already publicly stated how she’s constantly scratching her head on how to keep us intrigued and being one step ahead of us. 

She’s done EXACTLY that. Everyone seems to be so invested and hurt by any little thing that happens on SKAM this season, and that’s okay! That’s literally what her intensions are. To make us mad, to make us sad, to make us THINK. 

No matter what this season has publicly exposed those who are racist, those who are homophobic and those who are understanding. 

That’s GOOD. We live in a world where we should be able to realize that there are things that are wrong and things that should be exposed and talk about things.

I also WHOLE-HEARTILY trust Iman. That girl is so unique. She was so smart to take advantage of an opportunity where she would be allowed to represent a minority in a Western Country.

She KNOWS she has a responsibility.  She wouldn’t have done this if she thought Julie was a white-obsessed supremacist or some shit. 

She’s even said that for her to do something like this, she would get hate from her own culture; but she took that chance because she knows that SKAM has an international fan base, and the world NEEDS to understand that being Muslim, doesn’t mean she’s not human or bad. Especially with everything going on right now. 

Seeing her curse, being sad, and making misjudgments is only to show that Muslims deal with the same issues that anyone else does. It’s not like Muslim’s have to be perfect all the time? And here she is, showing us that she’s just like any other teenage girl who gets hurt. Yes, her religion is different; and SKAM has shown us that as well. (and I trust that they still will show us more) But never to the point where it consumes who she is, because at the end of the day Muslims are still human, and we all make mistakes. 

And SKAM has done JUST THAT. 

Fucking amazing. 

Thank you Julie and literally everyone else behind it.

You’ve made me think, you’ve made me understand, and you’ve made me want to learn more.

5 a.m. [Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader]

Summary: Inspired by the one time me and some friends went to McDonald’s at 5 a.m. The reader, craving junk food, drags a sleepy Lin out of bed, way too early in the morning. The breakfast menu isn’t up yet. Chaos and shenanigans ensue.

Word counter: 4,474

Warnings: None, just a really sleepy and grumpy Lin. 

Authors Notes: @sunshinemiranda - i cannot believe i got to the chance to collab with ren again??? you guys, this honestly all stemmed from this really cute story she told me and then me (being pushy and annoying as per usual) needed to get in and then this came into being!! we got so attached, we made headcanons for this, unbelievable. i still want to make a prequel. enjoy.

@alexanderhamllton - i got to collab with my girl again, can you guys BELIEVE??? I am so happy with how this turned out, we made a whole lot of headcanons (hence the mixtapes) and we really hope you guys like it! If you want more from this universe PLEASE let us know, because we would love to wirte that! 

askbox | olivia’s masterlistren’s masterlist


Lin wasn’t expecting his phone to ring at 5 in the morning. He wasn’t expecting anything but a solid sleep that he desperately needed after too many late nights full of work. Funny thing was, life had a screwed up talent at ruining expectations.

His phone lit up in the dark, vibrating against the wooden bedside table with a vicious energy. With a groan, he stabbed a button blindly and brought it to his ear without even bothering to emit a greeting. It was too early for that.

“Lin. Listen, it’s 5 am. You wanna go to McDonald’s with me?”

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Unshared Experiences

((People had asked @what-are-even-humans about “aliens reacting to humans getting their period”. I decided to write it instead. I don’t get into much detail here, so hopefully it won’t squick anyone out.))

Ineke knew that Ch'iehqry wasn’t female. Xir species had two biological sexes, but neither of them corresponded directly to “male” or “female”. Ch'iehqry likewise knew that Ineke wasn’t kholdreis, humans were neither kholdreis nor uelprain. Still, Ch'iehqry’s voice and facial features resembled that of a human female, and Ineke’s voice and personal scent made her seem kholdreis.

They were more-or-less coworkers, and then friends, and then recently flatmates, but sometimes it was difficult to remember what experiences they wouldn’t have shared.


When Ineke came through the door, she groaned and flopped down into the nearest chair. “Bring me one of those blue capsules and some water, that’d be awesome,” she mumbled.

Ch'iehqry was familiar with the ‘blue capsules’; they were Ineke’s ingestible analgesic compounds, the equivalent of xir orange pastes. “Rough shift?” xe sympathetically asked.

“It’s that time of the month again,” Ineke said, and sighed. “Thanks.”

“Oh, is this when your sector starts invoicing?”

“What? No, it’s – right, you wouldn’t know. No, it’s just that my period started again.”

Ch'iehqry frowned. “I have a feeling I won’t like what I hear, but what exactly is that? All I remember of that word, in a human-specific context, is a half-heard joke that got its teller reprimanded and assigned anti-harassment education.”

Ineke grinned weakly. “That was Leendert. He’s learned since then. And yeah, you probably won’t like what you hear, most humans don’t either. It’s a female-specific thing, and it’s annoying.”

“What do I need to know?”

Ineke idly tapped her fingers; her face was no longer tense, so presumably the analgesics had been quickly effective. “I’m not a doctor, but this is what I learned. It might be wrong. For a bit each month, roughly, my body is fertile, and if I don’t get pregnant – reproducing with a new child growing inside – in that time, then my body removes its… preparation stuff. I don’t know, the health teacher was stuttering and blushing at that bit. It can get messy, but I have my products to deal with it, so that won’t be a problem. It also hurts, somewhat. Some women are really lucky and only experience mild discomfort that’s soon over, for some the pain is crippling while it lasts. I’m somewhere in the middle. As long as we haven’t run out of anything unexpectedly, I should be fine, just a bit grumpier.”

“How long will this last?” Ch'iehqry asked, starting to run calculations in xir mind. Xe might have to make adjustments to their shared budget, depending.

“How long will I be grumpy? I’m generally feeling okay after the second day of it, and the sanitary routines aren’t much extra. How long will I keep getting my period for? Barring pregnancy or medical problems, a few days every month-ish until menopause. When a female is no longer fertile. Which I think would happen in my fifties, maybe forties, I haven’t looked it up,” Ineke said.

“For the amount of facts which you are unsure on, you seem remarkably confident about others,” Ch'iehqry noted.

Ineke shrugged. “It’s my body, I live with it. I may not know why something happens, but I know what it does. Like, you can move your hand and grab something, but do you actually understand all the muscle and tendon action involved in that?”

Ch'iehqry raised xir forehead ridge, in a gesture xe had borrowed from xir human coworkers. It was so incredibly expressive and perfectly communicated so many emotions. “Yes, I do understand the muscles and tendons and ligaments and nerves involved in hand motions. I have studied them intently, and you know it.”

“Right, robot limb engineer, that’s just the expression I use most often.”

Xe considered the issue. “I suppose a more accurate comparison would be olfactory senses, or perhaps the digestive system. I am aware of what is sufficient, insufficient, pleasurable, and painful, yet not familiar with the mechanics behind them. Still, it seems quite unpleasant that your body would have such a focus on reproduction, when you are not desirous of such at the moment.”

Ineke made an expansive gesture. “Bodies. They’re annoying like that.”

Ch'iehqry remembered xir last fasting cycle. Even though nourishment had been readily available, xir body still had involuntarily gone into a decreased metabolic state to preserve energy. “I agree.”

I made myself a tmnt self insert and BOYY HOWDY was it a blast. 

She’s a Kranng’s attempt at a human/cyborg solider that could infiltrate human society. They cut off her arms. legs, and few other tidbits here and there and replaced it with a technology called plasma metal that can change shape into various weapons (ie guns, shields, lasers and her weapon, a giant hammer) as well as textures like normal skin, or clothing. Sadly for them, the mind control didn’t stick and now shes rogue. Her blood is now a hybrid blood/mutagen mix that powers her body and her robot parts. But she needs mutagen supplements to survive, which made her learn a skill called mutagen alchemy.

I feel no shame this is too much fun

Half-Blood Princess (Part 2): Guardian Angel

Characters: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader, Sam Winchester x Sister!Reader, Castiel, Hannah (Twin Sister), Alexis (Cross-Road demon), Chuck/God. 

Length: 2953+ words

TW: Surprisingly, nothing? A broken soul. Mentions of torture. Alastair. Drunk!Dean. Sad!Dean. 

A/N: SO MANY PEOPLE WANTED A PART 2!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the first part, and there are so many interests for a second part. I had such a hard time writing this, but it just all came to me last night when I couldn’t sleep. Feedback is encouraged!

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3


Alexis glanced at the angel with her eyebrow raised. “What do you want?” she asked coldly. 

“I’m looking for Y/N’s soul,” Castiel responded calmly.

Anger flashed through her black eyes before returning to its original colour. “You’re looking at it.”

Castiel turned his attention to the broken soul on the ground, the light emitting from it almost nonexistent.

“She’s been here a while,” Alexis told him.

“You are the crossroad demon that made a deal with her, correct?”

“Yea.”

“I see. I will be right back.” The angel disappeared for a few minutes to break the news to her family, telling them that there was no hope on getting her back before returning with another man.

“Who the hell are you?” Alexis asked protectively, stepping forward in front of what was left of Y/N’s soul.

“My name is Chuck,” he answered. “Other known as, God.”

The demon scoffed, crossing her arms. “Yea, right.”

“It is true,” Castiel confirmed. “I’ve asked him if there is anything he could for Y/N.”

“She didn’t deserve that.” Alexis seemed to be more relaxed after the angel’s explanation. “She was too young to go.”

“You are very inclined to her,” Chuck stated. 

“She reminded me of myself when I was human,” Alexis repeated softly. “I sold my soul for a shitty boyfriend after he went off and killed himself driving drunk. After I saved him, he ran off with an ex-girlfriend.” The demon looked at the bloody wall where Y/N was usually chained. “I tried protecting her as best as I could here.”

The two men waited for her to elaborate, knowing that there was so much more she wanted- no, needed to say. 

“I made a deal with Alastair. Every 10 years, I would take her place for a year, and she would do my cross-road biddings. She didn’t deserve to be tortured for so long.” If she could, the two men were sure that Alexis would have been in tears by now.

There was a brief moment of silence before it was interrupted by Chuck.

“Thank you,” he said. “You’ve been kinder to her than I have, it seems. As a token of my gratitude for being so kind, I would like to extend an offer.”

“I think I’ve made enough deals don’t you think?” Alexis asked with laugh.

“I think you’re gonna like this one,” Chuck bantered back. “There’s no catch. I want your soul to move on.”

“Move on? As in, I won’t be a demon anymore?”

“Yes. You can pass to your heaven now.”

“You’re kidding?!” Alexis’s jaw dropped. This was not the deal she was expecting after being a demon for so long.

“I am not. It’s the least I can do.”

Her attention went back to Y/N’s soul, looking at it sadly. “What will happen to her?”

“I will do my best to piece her back together.”

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humanitys-funniest-timelord  asked:

Y'know showing how many followers and posts you have made me feel a lot better because I just recently started an art blog (not this one) and I don't have like any notes so those numbers really showed me that art takes time and you will eventually be noticed for you hard work. Idk it just made me feel a little better about my essentially nonexistent art on her

here’s some more of my follower counts that I screencapped over the years, first one was in 2012

you’ll get there!!

Humans and Emphasis/Sarcasm

Imagine if aliens had like, no idea about emphasis.
Like…

Human-Steve was talking with one of his alien… Friends (it’s spieces diddnt bond with things in the same way humans do) from another ship. “Our human is sick, she says she’s fine but has a.. Fever as she calls it, is she okay?” the alien asks, Human-steve was only half listening. “What?” he muttered. The alien repeated themselves. “WHAT?!?” Human-steve said, registering what he said. The alien repeated themselves again, clicking there mandibles in annoyance. “No i mean like- urgh how high is her fever”

Or


Human-Jess was pacing around the ship deck, they had made an emergency landing on a planet without any known inhabitants. The mechanic was struggling to repair the engine. “Ay! Jess! You know anything about [insert techy thing here]s i could use some help!”

“Oh yeah! I TOTALLY know about ultra high tech machines. Its not like, ya'know, im the MECHANIC or anything. Like YOU”

“Oh, since when did you aquire the mechanic job? I think i would have been informed if-”

“Zarl that was sarcasm”