i m unable to even

Unfortunate Announcement

so, if you were at yesterday’s mess of a stream, you know i CANNOT get my tablet to work with my new computer. it was working fine a week or so ago, when i didn’t have internet, but now it won’t calibrate and i can’t fix it. (i screwed it up with my new display, i think.) so until such a time as i can 1. get it fixed or 2. get my hands on a new tablet, the hiatus will continue on past its expected end. i’m so sorry! but i can’t post pages if i can’t draw. 

in the meantime, i’ll be streaming FF6 on my twitch on wednesdays, so i can still hang out even if i’m unable to produce content. it’s a classic game that undertale itself makes a reference to in MTT’s dance scene. you’re more than welcome to drop in! i know it’s not as good as pages, but right now it’s the best i’ve got. sorry again, everyone.

Some creep: so where you from?

Me, politely engaging in what I assume will be basic, everyday small talk: I’m from california

Same creep, unable to resist even the smallest opportunty to share his unnecessary and unrelated opinion of trans ppl: I hear you get 3 years jail if you misgender someone there

Message for my friends…

To my friends who I haven’t responded to yet, I’m real sorry and will get back to you all once I get back!! (I’m going up north for the day) I’ve been busy with family stuff and I hope y'all can understand :( I wanna say though to Rian, Ken, Nat, and Kai, I love you guys so so so much and just thank you 4 for being the best friends ever to me in 2017 You all are some of the best, if not then THE best people I’ve ever met and you’re all lovelier than all things great in this world combined! You four have the greatest senses of humor and the biggest hearts out there! Thank you for all you’ve done for me in 2017 and for giving me some of the absolute best memories. Even if I’m unable to physically see some of you, we’ve still shared great moments, I’m so fortunate to have crossed paths with you 4, and may we continue to remain great friends/be close with one another for many many more years to come! Again I love you 4 and can never express how grateful I am towards you all ❤❤❤❤ Happy New Year’s you nerdy rays of sunshine x) May 2018 be an amazing and incredible year for you all because you truly deserve it!! 🎉🎆🎊

@talk-senpai-to-me @macabre-theatrics @pidgeleaf @natodiangelo

anonymous asked:

Spam do you like bagels?

[ S ] I am afraid that, as a supercomputer the size of a Tic-Tac lodged inside someone’s brain, I am unable to eat. I’m not even sure if I would like bagels if I could eat them; they seem a little dry.

friday thoughts

i’m unable to move on because i haven’t even accepted what happened. i have created myself a separate world in which jonghyun is still with us but is simply taking a break. he completely let go of social media and public appearances. everyone deserves some quiet time, right? and here i am, waiting for his solo comeback expecting teasers to come out soon. he’s worked on this album for so long. i’m excited. 

and then there’s a moment when i jump out of my comfort zone and realize what really happened. 

Keep reading


- I miss reading Shenton Carrington’s poetry here.

- I’ve played a hunting game on my computer.

- I watched some Italian zombie horror. The music was the best part, as usual.

- Ate half of a kebab, until I felt disgusted and couldn’t finish.

- Fuck the world.

It’s a game of disgust and boredom. I cannot see outside my prison. I am altogether too satisfied with my inability to do more than this. It’s a kind of middle-class thing.

Hey. While having the daily shower, I was thinking why publishing my work is so difficult for me. Why being accepted usually makes me react so negatively. Why even doing simple revision fills me with self-loathing and anger, at having to look at something which for me is an utter *failure*.

Regardless of how many good things people say to me of my work, I seem to be unable to accept that I’m actually even decent in writing.

I can spent a year writing every day and then destroy it all in a second. Then start again, because there is no actual conscious choice in the matter. It just happens like breathing (and the dissolution of breath.)

At the same time, I can feel accepted, I can acknowledge on some level the value of my work to other people. It’s just that the acknowledgement remains very distant to me, in contrast to the closeness of my self-anger, self-resentment, self-hate.

Sometimes I feel that I’m a terrible parent for my only children, my poetry.

(Someone should take away my poetry from me.)

It’s the long struggle with this irrationality, which forms a big part of my life.

The solution: Create an AI with my talent, without my emotional disadvantages.


anonymous asked:

Snape was a decent person

Thank you for sending this in! Hope you’re prepared to sit through this, because I have a lot of opinions about Snape and also I haven’t slept in 36 hours, so.


I don’t believe that people exist in binaries of good and bad - morality exists on a spectrum and I think it’s possible for people to change or redeem themselves. It’s because of this belief - that I actually hold quite close to my heart - that I’ve tried my hardest to find some redeeming value in Snape, but I’m simply unable to. Even the one good thing that he did (spying towards the end of the second wizarding war) was because Voldy killed the woman he stalked and abused love of his life - not because he had this watershed moment of realisation that his ideological beliefs were, well, fucking terrible. If Neville had been the Chosen One, Snape would’ve been chillin’ with his buds, hanging muggles upside down in the air and committing genocide :)) When you factor in his behaviour as a Professor towards his students (Harry, Neville, Ron, Hermione..), his bullcrap as a student (part of which I’m still willing to excuse), and the fact that he was an active Volums follower until it became a little inconvenient for him, I struggle to find any semblance of decency in this man. I mean, thanks for not letting Harry fall off a broom and plunge to his death and all, but dude, you were an ass. 

I honestly wish he’d been done better, sometimes. I wish they’d have made his arc with Lily healthier and a better representation of unreciprocated love. I wish they’d shown us that people can change for the better, that forgiveness is possible, that atonement is always an option.

But you know, leaving him like this is important to me. I think it’s okay to recognise that some people just kind of suck. And that ‘too little, too late’ very much exists. There’s only so much leeway that people will give you. I want to pity him, empathise with him - I just can’t. 

TL;DR: The way he canonically is - an anti-hero at best (and that’s a huge concession, imo), an utterly irredeemable shitbag at worst - I think Snape is a great character. I just don’t think much of him as a person.


anonymous asked:

Hey dx. I hope you're ok. I'm ok, just moaning. Med student here. Doing end-of-rotation reflection and writing that shift work is what I found the most challenging. Don't feel like I have the freedom to write about the tiredness and effect on my mood, as med school staff might come down on me with concerns about coping, in reality just creating more stress. How did i overcome it? Caffeine before shifts. Part 1

What am I going to make myself write? ‘However I have adjusted to a sleep routine.’ Of course i’m not going to write about feeling exhausted. Because being honest here has too stressful potential consequences. I dont want to be emailed and questioned. I’m just frustrated that I’m unable to even be honest while jumping through these hoops. Because I was finding this reflection actually useful until I realised I have to hide certain aspects            

Hey dx. Moaning med student again. Sorry for cluttering your inbox! Feeling a bit calmer and I’ve realised that I did actually do sensible things apart from having caffeine, like ask people for advice during my rotation :) So I can be honest about that at least!            

Hello :) Don’t apologise about cluttering my inbox at all! It’s always lovely to get messages, and long asks are often easier to answer than short ones!

Reflective writing is hard; there are some helpful and interesting guidelines on how it should be done, and what we should get out of it, but very often we’re not really taught how to reflect properly. Or at least, we don’t really feel confident we know what they want from us. I think that it can absolutely be a helpful exercise in learning where we have gaps, but also in reflecting what we are doing well. But I know many of us struggle with it.

I appreciate your concerns. Even when we graduate, what we write in our reflective logs remains fair game; there was a recent case in which a doctor’s reflective writing on their portfolio was used as evidence in court, leading many people to worry about the future of reflective writing. Because if it isn’t a safe environment to reflect and learn, will it stifle what people choose to share?  Because of cases like these, I can only say that it’s up to each of us to decide what is appropriate to put in our reflections; and remind students and doctors that even though by their nature we must not mention patients’ or colleagues’ names or specifics, they are considered documentation that can be used in court. 

This is not to say that incidents should be hidden; in our line of work, there is always a duty of candour; that we are honest with patients about our mistakes or when things have gone wrong. However, the most appropriate course of action if something goes wrong is for a trainee to seek help and advice from their seniors and trainers, and to contact their indemnifier. And to follow their hospital’s policy for events like that.  Those who have been mentioned in complaints or who have been involved in serious incidents are expected to reflect in their portfolio after the fact, to show you understand what happened and have learned from it. But that’s another matter, quite removed from the kinds of reflection you’re dealing with right now. 

But  apart from that, there does not appear to be a rule that you HAVE to disclose everything you feel, in  your reflections; it’s up to each one of us to decide exactly what we wish to reflect on. I hope that anyone who feels they are struggling, or need help should seek it, regardless of what they reflect on. The most important thing is looking after ourselves, and getting help if and when we need it. Sometimes that’s something to reflect on, and sometimes it isn’t. 

Please don’t let fears about official reflections leave you silent. If you don’t feel able to reflect on some things on your university forms or in your portfolio, you can always think, even if it is privately.  You will always need to reflect for your portfolio, but there’s nothing stopping you from keeping a sort of private diary; so long as any patient information remains anonymised so that there isn’t any problem with patient confidentiality.  Because thinking about what you’ve been through and what you’ve learned and what you’ve done absolutely is always useful.

I’m glad you found things to reflect on for university that you feel comfortable sharing. Good luck in the future :)

sleeping-with-piercing-veils  asked:

I'm a trans (ftm) and my parents are extremely transphobic. They're old school religious people and it sometimes makes me question myself. It doesn't really help that all of my friends are the same religious people and I don't want to disappoint anyone. My thing is, whenever I start questioning I remember my lower parts and absolutely hate it. I'm unable to even bind so I struggle really badly with dysphoria. I am getting a non-religious counselor next hear, but idk what to do until then

hi! sorry about the late reply (its finals week). i suggest you find a local lgbt support center and a method of transportation to it. for example, i take the bus to go to trans tuesdays! what you really must do to hang on is surround yourself with people like you. even if it’s not in real life, internet friends are what got me thru 8th grade. reaffirm urself in the mirror, because i was once where u were and i got thru it. you will get to where you need to be. for now, focus on getting a job if you can and focusing on school to set yourself up for your future. maybe even set up a top surgery fund account! 

sorry if this wasnt any help, but we are all thinking of you. feel free to ask any more questions!

-mod saint

anonymous asked:

god i miss her. i miss her with all my heart. she cared about me when no one else was around anymore, after my best friend in the universe completely abandoned me and i felt alone. i didn't know what to do. but she'd been there for me for so long and she made me feel happy and gave me a safe friendship, and then relationship, to trust in. and now she's gone. i'm stuck in this body unable to even remember everything from my past life, and i don't know if she's alright or if i've been forgotten.

The skin I’m in

I’ve had atopic skin/eczema since early childhood. My skin and I have had our ups and downs during these years, and generally speaking my skin is in better condition than it was, say, 10 years ago. However, this winter has been bad.

I suffer from constant itching, rash, dryness, redness, you name it. He has always been super supportive and compassionate about this matter: rubs lotions and creams on my back, tells me I’m beautiful even when I am unable to see anything but my rash etc.

He told me that last night He had trouble sleeping because I was scrathing myself constantly. He had to hold my wrists <-> I struggled out. When He finally fell asleep, I moved (or did something else), aaand He was awake again trying to stop me from scrathing. Note, I am fully capable of scrathing myself until I bleed. It is not cool.

I can’t help but feel sorry for Him. But then I remember, He could have just left the bed and sleep in the guest room. But He didn’t. Because He cares. And I love Him for that. ❤

I don’t know, I just wanted to share this little piece of our life to you guys.

cresiendo  asked:

“Hey, Mary, you okay?” Sonya looked at her with concerned eyes. “Yeah,” Mary looked up, ignoring the voices that screamed “LIAR” in her head. Sonya bit her lip. “I haven’t felt like myself lately. Sorry if I’ve seemed... a bit off from my usual self.” “No need to apologize- I understand.” Sonya smiled a tiny smile. “We should find a place to rest for the night. I’m tired and I’m physically unable to even think about walking” Mary laughed, her eyes glistening with a glint of admiration. “Me too.”


I have gotten to a point regarding my mental health where I just CANNOT live like this anymore. I cannot let it stop me living my life and preventing me from doing all the things I want and NEED to be doing. I cannot let it stop me from being me. I cannot let it control me.

I’m sick of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m sick of not feeling confident enough to perform simple tasks that come so easily to others. I’m sick of feeling as though I am unable to even voice any of this to anybody. I am sick of feeling as though I have to hide it.

I am ill and I shouldn’t have to feel ashamed. I should be able to hold my head high and say this is how it is but I want to work on getting better. I want to be well and this is something I want to work on this forthcoming year. I want to be well again

Mini Patreon Rant

So like… I don’t understand. From my observation, several artists do exclusive art all the time or make nude drawings available for patrons for a while giving patrons some content to enjoy and reasons to support their work… bunch of people willing to support their work.
Yet I’ve got a bunch of friends who say that making exclusives are BAD or that’s “selling out” or being a “paywall artist”… and since I’ve opened my patreon, NOT following what I see other artists do and not making artwork to get people interested in my patreon because I don’t want my friends to see me as a “paywall” artist.. I’ve STILL been unable to get my patreon off the ground.

I’m not even motivated to keep my patreon page up to be honest. :c

i mean i’ve been alternating between being violently ill and crying all night and i’m completely unable to keep anything down, even water, but am i going to go to the doctor?? FUCK no fam!

Going off for a couple of days.

I’m currently in a state of depression that’s making me unable to even attempt to be on Tumblr. I’m going to be leaving for a while and hopefully I don’t do anything stupid. lol, I’ll try not to be so upsetti by the time Christmas rolls around.

See you later!