I sat in the corner of my room with my knees tucked right up into my chest, and my head resting back against the wall whilst my hand was clasped around my seventh beer bottle tightly. My cheeks were red raw from all of the tears that rolled down them and the tears that were still running down them. My mind was a mess and my vision a complete blur. I haven’t moved from my room in two weeks nor have I touched any social media for the last two weeks, I’ve done nothing but drink and think about my horrible mistake. What mistake did you make Joe? Was it a little fight? No. It wasn’t. For the last five months I’ve been in a publicity stunt that involved being in a fake relationship with the uprising model, Emily Benjamin. My management team suggested that Emily and I go through this stunt, to gain more followers and subscribers from each other so we’d get more well known and grab more attention from the media. The stunt was to only last a couple of months and end with a big finale breakup of how we ended in a large fight and how we used one another, but in reality..I really lost the girl I’ve only ever loved.
• Flashback •
I stood outside my front door, rehearsing what my management told me to say to Y/N, since they’re the only ones out of everyone that know my relationship status. I did not want to go through with this. I was very happy with Y/N and I didn’t want her to receive rude comments and hate from my subscribers so I decided to keep our relationship a secret, which made it all the more fun at times whilst trying to be secretive. I know Y/N wasn’t happy with my choice and often found it frustrating when surrounded by our friends and by my viewers, but I just wanted to protect her and always keep her smiling, since that was what was most important to me. I smiled at my thoughts of Y/N and kept my hand on the door knob, conjuring images of Y/N up in my mind. That big radiant, bright smile of hers that would light up the entire city of London every day and that contagious little laugh of hers that would bubble up if I told her a joke or about something silly that happened in my day. That stunning body of hers that I loved to manoeuvre my hands around at night and even in the mornings whilst she made breakfast for us both, even though she was so insecure of her body, I could never see a single flaw in it. She was perfect in every way and I lost her. I fucked it up and lost her. All because I went through with the idea of being in a fake relationship for the media, which resulted in me ignoring her to spend more time with my ‘girlfriend’ Emily. I didn’t give her any attention she needed, I was too busy focusing on building up my channel and trying to boost Emily’s career that I forgot the little things Y/N and I had planned, and some important dates she wanted me to attend with her, all because I was too busy with my channel and too into it and too into the publicity stunt.
I gazed down to Y/N’s beautiful eye/colour eyes and felt my heart shudder with sadness on the inside. I watched her face intently as I broke the news to her softly and watched her facial expressions change. I could see her eyes water but she still managed to put a radiant smile on her face. I felt a slight bit of relief when she spoke and told me she understood what was going to happen. I gently rubbed my thumb against her cheek and smiled to myself knowing I was so lucky to have Y/N in my life and I was so lucky that she understood what this would do for my career and how it would bring in some extra money.
I sniffled my tears away before drowning down the remains of my beer and throwing the bottle to the side, hearing it clash against the clutter of empty glass bottles I have stacked to the side of the room, they’re the only friends I’ve had for the last two weeks. I’m not much of a drinker, but maybe if I drink, then I’ll forget the pain and forget the thought of knowing that I lost her.
“I can’t do this..” I muttered to myself, tugging at my hair frustratedly in my hands as I closed my eyes shut tight and begin to picture everything that happened the night she left. I remember walking into the flat after leaving Emily with Caspar in the club. I wanted to get home early, so I could see Y/N and spend some time with her. Lately I’ve been neglecting her since Emily and myself have been doing interviews here and there, filming videos and going on ‘dates’ that I’ve barley seen Y/N. I opened the door with a grin on my face, a bouquet of flowers in my hand and called out for Y/N. I frowned not hearing her voice call back to me. My eyes scanned the flat and I furrowed my eyebrows unsurely since the flat was too quiet for my liking. I carefully stepped inside to see the TV shut off and the lights downstairs turned out. The last time I saw Y/N, she was sat on the sofa with the TV turned on and wished me good luck for tonight. I turned to the kitchen to see if she would be there, making herself a cup of tea like always but my eyes were suddenly drawn to and focused to a piece of paper on the kitchen counter top.
I’ll never forget the panic, the anger, the betrayal but the sadness and heartbreak that raced through my mind that night whilst reading her letter to me. I’ll never forget how I trashed mine and Caspar’s apartment and turned the table to the floor and smashed the coffee table to pieces by kicking at it and I even destroyed my own bedroom, shattering my mirror to pieces and also making a deep dent in my wardrobe door from punching at it.
That piece of paper that she wrote nearly two weeks ago was now in my hands. The letter she wrote before leaving me and our relationship. My fingers fondle with my chain around my neck, the token of my love that I have failed to give her as I re-read the letter again and again to myself. She left me. She left me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and even wrote that maybe we weren’t meant to be together and that the special spark we had was now gone along with our relationship. I sobbed loudly feeling my heart crunch like autumn leaves and my chest violently shake. I can’t bear this pain. The pain is pulsing through my veins like an adrenaline and I can’t put up with my heartbreak. I never meant to treat her like this. I knew this stunt would only last five months at the latest but I never thought that it would end my actual, real relationship with Y/N. I never knew she was feeling like this and if I did then I would have ended this stunt a long time ago. I let my eyes dance around the piece of paper and memorise her words and hand writing. Her hand writing was a lot different from her usual hand writing. Her words were slightly slanted to the side and she did not dot her 'i’s’ with little hearts. My eyes glared at the words that hurt me the most. I made her feel like she was practically single all over again..Who would want that relationship?
I thought Y/N and I had a relationship that would last forever, like she wrote in her letter. Y/N and I had a special spark that no one could replace or take away, nor could they ever burn that special spark out. My hands were now roughly rubbing my cheeks as my thoughts spun around my mind to the point where I felt completely sick to my stomach. I never should have went through with the publicity stunt, it was a ridiculous proposal from my management that day and I clearly wasn’t thinking straight. My mind was focused on gaining more subscribers for my channel and being able to make my channel a lot bigger than it already is, but knowing that now I’ve to suffer without Y/N and face the consequences. It kills me.
Don’t think I haven’t tried to talk to Y/N. I’ve called her every single day, morning, noon and night. I’ve called her so much that it’s not possible to leave a voice message in her mail box now since I’ve completely filled it up. I’ve sent her text message after text message after text message and I even went to her old family home and wrote her letters then shove them through the little letter box built into her door but I’ve heard nothing nor have I received a letter in response. I’ve been keeping track of her social medias only to find that she had last tweeted the day she left me, and it was simply just a plain full stop and nothing more. Earlier that day, she tweeted me good luck since my viewers know she was simply a 'best friend’ but nothing more, she only received retweets and favourites but my viewers did not know that she also gave me a passionate, steamy good luck kiss just before I left with Emily and Caspar who were waiting for me out in the limo that was taking us to Leicester Square that evening. Y/N has completely shut me out and has failed to check her social medias where I’ve messaged her constantly on everything, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Whatsapp..everything, and she hasn’t replied or opened any of my messages which makes my chest tighten with worry.
My heart ached for Y/N’s love and tender care, along with her soft sweet kisses and tight, squeezable hugs that not only I adored, but everybody adored. Her hugs were special and ones that you would treasure forever. Your arms would wrap around her waist and you would instantly feel her arms tighten around your body and begin to rub your back whilst she nuzzled her chin onto your shoulder. I was craving one of her special hugs but felt my arms filled with air since I lost my entire world to a stupid publicity stunt that means absolutely nothing to me and is completely worthless.
I was and still am so concerned and worried for Y/N’s wellbeing since I had and still have no idea where she was or currently is and her parents have no interest in telling me where she is or who she is with.
If I’m going to win Y/N back, then I need to clean myself up and grow back into myself. There’s no way Y/N can ever see me in this state, it would only give her more of a reason to leave me and our love behind and that is definitely not what I plan on doing. I’m going to show Y/N that we have a beautiful, rare and unique spark between us and I’m going to show her how much I really love her and how much I absolutely need her in my life and I will win her heart back, no matter what.
We’re just two lovers lost in the woods, trying to find our way out from the monstrous trees.
Hellooo! Here’s part two to Are We Out Of The Woods? I’m so overwhelmed and overjoyed by all of the messages I’ve been receiving! I really can not thank you all enough! Your kind words, reblogs, likes and lovely messages mean so much to me! I’m so sorry I haven’t posted part two in a while, this week has just been quite busy, so I’m so sorry about that! I hope you enjoyed part two of this imagine and if you would like then there definitely will be a part three! Don’t be afraid to message me your thoughts, I love reading your messages! All the love ❤️xxx