i love you you gigantic tool

Once upon a time I used to love to come here because I could dump all my thoughts and my problems and just hit eject and forget about my shitty issues for a bit and it was like free therapy because holding on to crap  is exhausting and tiresome and I’m lazy as fuck.

And then I started to feel like the more the I shared the more people judged and I even had people confront me and tell me to essentially STFU because they were tired of my shit. (You know the shit that doesn’t impact them directly, the shit that I used to feel safe talking about here, MY SHIT they could have just scrolled right by if it was too much for them to handle or that they were too secure in their own life to ever really relate to?)

So, I just kind of decided to make this a porn blog and talk about my slutty job and only fart out monthly blurbs to prove I was still alive but not really giving two fucks if anyone read it or commented or even liked me anymore.

And then something unthinkable happens to one of us and it’s like an instant reset button and all that animosity and distance get’s washed away because nothing hurts worse than taking someone’s presence for granted for so long that you almost feel shittier that you didn’t get to know them more or talk to them more or love them more than you are over them being gone forever.

Lauren actually said something to me once that I literally repeat still to this day.

We were talking about about something I can’t remember and I told her “I don’t think people like me because I’m kind of an asshole.”

Upon which she replied, “i think more people like you BECAUSE you’re an asshole.”

And that’s what I have to remember. 

For every person who thinks I’m a gigantic tool bag, there are at least two people who love me because of that very reason and those are the people that I am here for.  I promise to never take you fools for granted again because life is short and we only get to do it one time and if we can spend the rest of our time alive surrounded by a tribe of other, and even bigger, dicks than us…than we totally should.

SO, yeah.

Thanks for being my assholes.