I drew @commanderholly in a cute/witchy outfit. I was planning on drawing her in one of her Looks™ but that just…didn’t happen?
Things have been blowing up recently with YouTube and it’s genuinely upsetting. But Commander Holly is honestly such a role model. She marches, she uses her platform to speak on real issues, and she’s just an all around incredible woman. So I highly recommend watching her content, because she’s a genuinely good person with a lotta’ heart.
I don’t want to be light and casual with you. I don’t want to pretend that what I feel about you is some stupid, frothy thing that doesn’t matter because it is like the axis that my world turns on. And yeah, we could talk ourselves out of it because this is scary, and hard, and maybe the world is about to end but… If it is then I want us to have something good to hold on to.
The first time he breaks your heart, it’s in someone else’s mouth.
We’ve always said we won’t take them back if they cheat,
if they lie,
if they kiss other girls and don’t intend on telling us.
But you do.
You love him. And the stories tell us love conquers all.
The second time he breaks your heart, it’s six days before Christmas.
I drive to your house and hold you and I’m helpless as you break.
Your mother says you’re worth a thousand of him,
but that doesn’t help when it feels like your heart’s in pieces.
But he comes back. He says he’s sorry.
He says you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.
And you say yes, yes, yes,
he’s your Prince Charming, and this is a fairytale after all.
The third time he breaks your heart, it’s in the car outside your house.
You knew this was coming -
things hadn’t been the same since London.
You haven’t slept for three days straight,
and you cry when people ask you how you are.
But this is it now. He doesn’t come back and you keep your heart,
he keeps his empty iloveyou and imsorry and takemeback
and it turns out not everyone gets a happy ending.
I can see 18 year old Karen Wheeler, fresh out of high school, probably well off but not rich, dating a 22 year-old Ted Wheeler who was probably a jock at the time. I can see them getting married in a little ceremony at the state house that only family and 1 or 2 friends bother showing up to. I can see her walking down the aisle in her mother’s wedding dress, a forced smile like a mask on her face. She loves Ted, but not in the way that those romance novels describe love. It feels like safety. After all, Ted came from a good family, he had a stable job. He would protect her.
I can see her contemplating whether or not she should go to college or get a job. I can see her pulling out her high school diploma and running her fingers over her name, written in dark black ink. I can see her thinking back to all of the high school English classes she took. About how much she enjoyed learning about the great poets and thinking that she could do that someday. I can see her sitting on the bathroom floor, only a year after she got married to Ted, staring at a stick clutched in her hand and trading away thoughts of writing poetry for thoughts of bottles and diapers and sleepless nights.
I can see her holding Nancy, then Mike in her arms and feeling her heart swell for the first time in a long time, and thinking that maybe the sleepless nights and the casseroles and the soccer games are worth any poetry that she threw away. I can see her trying to convince Ted to have a third child because her children are the only part of her life that she actually enjoys, the only thing that keeps her from wondering what her life would be like if she hadn’t married a man she didn’t love when she was 18. I can picture her realizing that she has lived up to every cliche about a small town girl and not caring because she has her children and being a mom is the only thing that makes her truly happy now. I can picture her worrying that her kids were in trouble but not telling her about it. Her kids are her light, they’re her sun and her stars and now they won’t open up to her. I can picture her utter despair at the realization that they don’t need her anymore. And she doesn’t really know what happened that week, and she doesn’t think Mike or Nancy will ever tell her. But she picks herself up and she takes her kids to school and she makes dinners because that’s all she can do. And every night she hugs Holly a little closer and prays that the day that Holly realizes that she doesn’t need her mom any more will never come.
But she knows that like a train speeding down the tracks, no matter how much you dread it’s arrival, no matter how much you hope and pray that it’ll never come, there’s always a train coming in the end.
And she thinks that’s a kind of poetry in and of itself.
Read in 2016 » The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black
“Once, there was a girl who found a sword in the woods. Once, there was a girl who made a bargain with the Folk. Once, there was a girl who’d been a knight in the service of a monster. Once, there was a girl who vowed she would save everyone in the world, but forgot herself. Once, there was a girl… Hazel”