I Always Was [S.B.]
Character: Sirius Black
Word Count: 3065
Summary: Y/n is in love with her best friend Sirius Black, a boy notorious for his one night stands. After he leaves her to hook up with another girl, he finally realises his true feelings.
Disclaimer: Gif isn’t mine, credit to whoever made it
Note: It’s a little tiny bit angsty (not really), but FLUFF OVERLOAD (I hope, I’m really bad at writing fluff). Also this is the longest thing I’ve ever written, like ever. Enjoy! x
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If there was one person you could always count on to be there for you, it was Sirius Black. He was your rock, your shoulder to cry on, your light in dark times, your everything - even if he didn’t know it. You were in love with the dark haired boy - you had been since you were eleven - and found yourself craving the lingering touches, soft hugs and wide smiles he’d set aside just for you.
From the moment you woke up in the morning to the moment you fell asleep at night, your mind would be focused on him. On his charm, on his cheeky smirk, on his loving actions. He was the most important person in your life, and you couldn’t thank Merlin enough for him.
In his own words, you were his girl. You liked that, you liked being his girl, even if you weren’t really. There were so many times, too many to count, where he’d refer to you as his in front of others around you.
“You will complete this task in pairs,” Slughorn announced to the class, clearing away the potion from his demonstration. Before the class could even burst into a panic trying to find the perfect potions partner, Sirius spoke up immediately.
“I’m with Y/n,” He flung his arm over your shoulder, “We’re the best together.” As he turned to you, he began to speak again, “You’re my girl, aren’t you Y/n?” You nodded, a faint blush fighting to show on your cheeks.
Taking part in pranks…
“Why don’t you just add the slime in with the explosion? It’ll get everywhere, and cover more people. Bigger impact, and less effort,” you spoke, pointing to the fifth step in the plan that you thought should be changed on the parchment.
“That’s brilliant!” James said, crossing out his own idea and rewriting it again in his messy scrawl. “That’s my girl,” Sirius said with a smirk, kissing your forehead.
Even in front of teachers…
“Come on, Minnie, Y/n had nothing to do with this prank,” James said to McGonagall. “Mr Potter, do not address me as ‘Minnie’,” She said with a stern tone, though her eyes twinkled in amusement - not that she’d admit how much she enjoyed these boys and their crazy antics.
“Professor, Y/n really wasn’t apart of this prank, she just happened to be there,” Remus said to his teacher. “Yeah,” Sirius agreed, “My girl is way too much of a good student to be apart of a prank like this. I mean, did you see that explosion?”
You enjoyed being the number one girl in his life, you enjoyed being the first person he’d come to when he was feeling down or needed cuddles. You enjoyed being wrapped up with him, his muscular arms surrounding you with a sense of safety and love.
It was moments like the current that you felt most happy, laying on a couch in the common room, your face laying on his shoulder and his fingers slowly brushing through your hair gently, every so often placing a kiss to your forehead.
If Sirius wasn’t known for his one night stands as much as he was, a bystander could very well misinterpret the pair as a couple, or dating at the very least.
“Alright love, I need to go and meet up with Anastasia for the night,” Sirius’ voice carried through the silent common room, shuffling around as he sat up, removing his arms from their place around you, leaving you feeling cold. It was strange how empty you felt when he wasn’t beside you. Maybe that’s just what unrequited love feels like. You sat up away from him to let him stand up, even though you really didn’t want to, and were confused as to why he was leaving in he first place.
“What time are you going to be back? Remember we made plans, we were going to-” you were interrupted with a smirk from Sirius and a wink, and you were unsure whether he even heard, or cared, about what you were saying.
“Don’t wait up for me, love,” he simply said as he left the room, taking your happiness with him.
“Hang out,” you finished your sentence to yourself, frowning as you felt a couple of tears prick your eyes. You sighed to yourself and furiously wiped the tears away before they even had a chance to fall. It wasn’t the first time he abandoned you for another girl, but it was the first time he had done so when you already had plans.
He always said you were his favourite girl, but how long were you going to let you convince yourself that he wasn’t lying, or just saying that because you were his best friend?
Because that’s all you were really. His best friend. Nothing less, but certainly nothing more.
“Hey Y/n, whatcha doing sat here alone? Didn’t you and Padfoot have plans tonight?” James asked as he walked into the common room after being kicked out of the library when he was with Remus. He found you sat alone, in the same position you had been in for the last couple of hours - on he couch, curled up and staring at the fire.
“We did, but he said he needed to meet up with Anastasia. And then he just sort of walked out,” you finished your short recount of the night, spitting out Anastasia’s name like it was poison and frowning to yourself.
“Well then, if he wants to hang with - or bang with - Ow! Okay, don’t hit me again, that was a joke! A pretty good one if you think about it - Ow! What did I just say to you? Anyway, if he wants to be with another girl, then I’ll just have to spend the night with you, because I happen to enjoy your company. When you’re not hitting me,” James said, fake pouting at you.
His pout quickly turned into a devious grin as you shook your head and edged away from him, “James Fleamont Potter, don’t you dare!”
“Ooooh, middle names! Must really be in trouble,” he joked before reaching over and starting to tickle you. You shrieked, moving away from the boy as you and him started to laugh. “There’s that pretty smile of yours! Now, let’s go start our day of fun!” James announced, before grabbing you by the hand. He lifted you off the couch and led you out of the room and into the corridor outside, where a couple of students stood around chatting.
“Wait a minute James! Where are we going?” You asked, following him - or rather, being pulled along with him. James turned around, making you bump into his back at the sudden pause, one of his brown curls falling across his forehead as he sent you a cheeky grin, “On an adventure.”
“Did you see his face?” You gripped onto James arm as you used him to support you, unable to stand up properly from laughing so hard.
“It was priceless,” James joined in, stopping in his tracks as he tried to catch his breath. “I can’t believe we just did that! We must be crazy!” You said as you giggled, letting go of the Potter boy as you shook your head.
“We are crazy, Y/n. And that was just the beginning! We’re going to do even crazier things tonight!” James flung his arms around to back up his statement.
“You’re going to get us arrested, aren’t you?” You said with an amused smile. “Not arrested per say, just perhaps stuck in detention for the rest of our lives,” he grinned at you, his eyes shining with mischief.
Sirius fell back on his bed, his shirt unbuttoned and half hanging off his bare chest. His arms lay across his face as he let out a quiet and frustrated growl, unable to get you out of his brain.
This had never happened before, he had never called a girl he was hooking up with by the wrong name - not ever. He never meant to - one moment he was snogging a girl against his dorm wall, the next he was being slapped by that same girl as she stormed out of the room. He sighed, thinking about your soft h/c hair and pretty e/c eyes. Without him realising, he began to smile uncontrollably at just the thought of you.
“I have to go and find her,” he muttered to himself as he stood up. He ran a hang through his now-messy hair, and grabbed his trousers to put back on as he ran out of his dorm room and nearly fell down the stairs on his way to try and find you.
The common room was empty, excluding a few first years that were huddled in front of the fire completing homework. Sirius looked around and, when he couldn’t find you, headed over to the stairway leading to the girls dormitory. He quickly and easily removed the charms from the stairs and ran up two at a time.
He knocked on the door and waited, hoping you’d answer for him. Hearing no reply, he hesitantly reached out for the brass handle and slowly opened the door.
The room was empty, to Sirius’ surprise. He looked around the room, easily being able to tell which girl stayed in which part of the room just by the belongings.
Alice had the far right side of the room, her bed decorated with a pink blanket over the red duvet, and a small white toy bunny with pink ears and a little black nose sitting on the pillow. Marlene had the bed next to her, shown by the large collection of muggle makeup - mostly lipsticks of deep reds and browns - strewn across it. Dorcas was in the middle of the room, her wand sitting on the nightstand beside the lamp, and her bed neatly made without one crease. Then it was Lily’s bed, a messy pile of duvet and books, a hairbrush and a mirror laying under the bed, beside a pair of boots that had fallen over. Finally, on the far left hand side of the room, was your bed, tucked into the corner with extra pillows to decorate.
Sirius looked at it fondly, edging his way over and carefully sitting down on the bed, as if he was scared to ruin the design. The bed looked comfy - surely you wouldn’t mind if he lay down for a while, would you? He took his shirt off and dropped it on the floor, followed by his trousers. He climbed into the covers and leant back, snuggling into your pillow, and breathing in your sweet scent. He smiled to himself, closing his eyes and convincing himself that you wouldn’t mind if he stayed for just a small nap - a small one, of course. He lay down holding onto your duvet as he imagined what it would be like to have you laying next to him right now, in his arms. Before long, he had drifted off to sleep.
“You still love him, huh?” James said gently, taking your hand in his and squeezing it comfortingly. You looked at the scenery around you, the trees soaring high in the air, their roots peeping out of the earth, the leaves littering the ground in a brown haze, crunching with each step you and James took. The wind wafted your hair around your face, causing you to constantly push the strands out of your face.
“More than anything, James,” you whispered, your voice barely reaching his ears due to the howling wind. Your heart raced just at the thought of the dark haired boy that captured your attention at the mere age of 11.
“You know he loves you too,” The brunette boy spoke with a nod. You shook your head, “But not in the way I want. I want him to love me like I love him. And I know that’s nearly impossible.” James let go of your hand and opening his arms out wide, “C'mere, I think you need a Potter hug.”
You gladly moved into James embrace, closing your eyes as he enclosed your frame within his arms. It felt warm and friendly, but different to how cuddles with Sirius felt.
With Sirius, it was as if all the world didn’t matter, like it disappeared around you whilst you were in his arms. Like nothing could hurt you, or make you feel sad. It didn’t matter how you were feeling, or what had happened when you were with the eldest Black brother. All that mattered was how his body felt against yours, and how your heart felt like it was going to explode.
You closed your eyes and tried to pretend that James was Sirius, and that he was holding you in his usual loving way. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t do it.
“You should tell him,” James whispered. “How can I when I know he doesn’t feel the same?” You replied, opening your eyes looking up into his brown ones.
“It’s tearing you apart, babe. I hate seeing you so hung up on him. You need to tell him so you can either be with him, or move on. I know it’s hard, but you’re one of my best friends, Y/n, and I don’t want you to hurt anymore,” James told you, running a hand through your hair and offering you a small, sincere smile.
“Thank you James. I’ll tell him when I’m ready - if I’m ready,” you replied, resting your head on his shoulder.
By the time you got back to your dorm room, you had finally sorted through your feelings and cleared your head, thanks to James. You entered your dorm room and began to get changed into your pyjamas, deciding on an early night before classes tomorrow. Climbing into the bed, you let out a shriek as something moved underneath you, screaming at the same time as you did. You shot up, grabbing your wand in haste and aiming it at the large lump underneath your duvet.
“Lumos,” you spoke, a bright light emerging from your wand. You waved it over the figure as he spoke, “Please don’t kill me!”
“Sirius!” Your heart was racing from the shock, and you let out a shaky breath, “What in the name of Merlin do you think you’re doing in my bed?”
“Well I was napping. You know, until you decided to sit on me - which for the record, I wouldn’t mind you doing if you gave me a warning,” Sirius said to you, pouting a little as he sat up.
“How was I supposed to know that you were there? I thought you were with Anastasia? Why aren’t you with her right now?” You frowned, trying not to focus on how deep his voice sounded from being asleep for who knows how long, his black hair that fell messily across his shoulders and his shoulders, leading onto his muscly arms and toned chest that you all but wanted to run your hands over…
You blinked, forcing yourself to look back at his
“I left early. Or rather, she did. Didn’t end up doing much,” He replied with a shrug, pulling your cover over him more with a cute, happy smile. “Why?” You didn’t know why you asked. You assumed he would shrug off the question, but he did the exact opposite.
“I accidentally said your name instead of hers in bed,” He said it so casually, as if it were a normal occupancy to tell your best friend news like this.
You nearly choked.
“I’m… sorry?” You were confused. Confused as to why he said your name, why he was now in your bed - practically naked, for that matter - and why you felt the need to apologise for something that you had no control over.
“Don’t be. It made me realise something important so I guess I should thank myself really,” Sirius smirked to himself, before looking up at you, still sat in your bed, his arm propping him up. “What did you realise? That you’re a complete idiot? Because I think it’s about time you realised that,” you said with an eye roll, crossing your arms over your chest.
He suddenly swung his legs out of the covers and stood up. Before you could process what was happening, he was stood in front of you, grabbing you and kissing you, his hands cupping your cheeks. He held you close to him, pressed against his chest, leaving no space between you. One of his hands sliding down your body to hold your waist, rubbing soft circles on your hip with his thumb.
He was breathing heavily when he pulled away, leaving you in shock and your eyes wide. “What the hell was that for?” You breathes out, your hand reaching up to touch your lips.
“To say I’m sorry,” he said, his hands still holding your hips. You raised an eyebrow, “What?” “I’m sorry for leaving you today, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have made other plans when I know I already made plans with you. Because you’re the most important person in my life. You’re my girl, Y/n. Nobody else even comes close to how much I care about you.”
His voice was low and husky, he was speaking mere centimetres from your face, so close you could feel his warm breath against your skin, and had to force yourself to focus on his words and not his lips.
“I love you Y/n. That’s was what I realised. Please tell me you feel the same way because now I know I love you, I don’t think I could survive knowing you don’t love me too.” For the first time in a while, you saw Sirius look nervous, his usually cocky demeanour a distant memory.
“I love you too Sirius,” you whispered with a soft smile. Sirius let out a laugh of relief, wrapping him arms around you and pressing kisses across your head, “Oh thank Merlin.”
He held you so tight, and you couldn’t help but smile. This is where you belonged, in his arms.
“From now on, you’re mine,” Sirius murmured, wrapping his arms further around your body. You sighed in content, “I always was.”