I started dating my now ex-boyfriend when I was 16 years old. I was this cheerful, optimistic girl. I used to laugh so much for everything. I was always very happy. Although, I did have a dark side. I had an eating disorder, I barely had been out of the hospital for 2 weeks and I was seeing a therapist when I met him. He helped me so much. He never failed to show me everyday how in love he was with me. He called me beautiful like it was my name and showed me how to love myself. I stopped cutting, binging/purging and starving for 5 years straight. Since June 2011, I was free from my demons. Everyday he would tell me that he was so proud of me and hearing how proud he felt of me kept me going strong. But with all those great things also came bad things. People used to tell me I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I never wanted to see it but looking back now, i see that they were right. He used to tell me many hurtful things every time he wouldn’t get his way. He called me a dumb bitch, immature, idiot, dumbass, good for nothing, and so many other hurtful names. When i would laugh over little things, he would get so mad and shut me up. When we would fight, he would tell me to go purge. He always put me in second place and belittled me so much. Last year, he completely changed with me. He wouldn’t care if I cried, if i called him crying he would yell at me and hang up on me. I changed so much for him. I became this pessimistic girl who was scared to laugh, scared to be myself around him. He controlled me so much. He always blamed me for everything that would go wrong in his life, when all I ever tried to do was support him, help him grow, motivate him to be a better person. To this day, he still blames me and tells me that “we need a break because our relationship has gotten so fucked up because I still need to grow up” and that if we’re meant to be we will find a way back to each other. Meanwhile, his now girlfriend is messaging me on instagram telling me that they are back together and to leave him alone when I haven’t even tried to contact him, it’s him who doesn’t leave me alone. He’s telling me how he’s so sorry for all the pain he’s caused me and that someday we’ll be together again but he’s telling her all the same beautiful things he used to tell me. My head is going insane. I cry every single day. I starve for days, I hit/cut myself and any little food I’m forced to eat, I purge. In the middle of nowhere, in public, I get crazy anxiety attacks. I have no one to talk to but I have faith in God and I talk to him and pray everyday for a fresh start and inner peace. He was my first love, my first everything. But I know that one day, I will move on and heal from this terrible heartbreak.