i love this show i wont stop

Yuri on Ice ended

I AM FEELING SO EMPTY!

WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE NOW?

I KNOW SEASON 2 IS COMING BUT WHAT DO I DO WHILE

ITS NOT SHOWING YET? WHAT DO I FUCKING DO??

MY HEART FEELS LIKE ITS GONNA BREAK FROM LONELINESS!!!

I NEED MY DOZE OF VICTUURI EVERY WEEK BUT

WHAT NOW? JUST WHAT NOW???? THIS HURT SO MUCHHHH!! IM GONNA MISS MY VICTUURI BABIES SOBS I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCHHHH THEY ARE MY LIFE!!!!

im still hoping for s5. ill always love this show. ill always draw these characters. ill always BE sherlock holmes. their sherlock. i cant stop that.
i mean at least like. part of me hopes that i still love it. which sounds so sick i know. but its. means a lot to me. and good things did come of it.
if theres a secret fourth episode i will be the happiest person on earth, truly. if theres not ill hope for s5. if nothing happens. i hope. i wont be as devastated.
overall i hope i can use what i learned over these last few years to make my own great gay show.

3

An indulgence, as I needed a spot to write up a little META.  These are some of my thoughts on the ‘is Good Hal/Bad Hal a split personality’ debate, but also as a supplement to my own fanfiction story, which is about Hal’s life with Sylvie, the one love he thinks about when he needs to stop himself. So alot of this is in general, but a few comments wont make sense unless you read my fic. 

I wasn’t fond of how the whole split personality idea was introduced in the show, him choking, blacking out, being all sexy wicked bad, then choking his way back.  And it was hard to reconcile this episode with his prequel where he was Bad but knew he’d be turning soon and came to Leo for help.  My (mis)understanding of split personality was only based on movies, and in many of what I’ve seen, the personalities don’t know of each other, they are drastically different from each other, they have blackout periods and never remember what they did.  But then I did some research, and this convinced me that he could indeed have a version of Dissociative identity disorder.  The symptoms had an impact on my interpretation of how Hal deals with traumatic events and guilt, and how Sylvie’s fate came about.

1. Dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is thought to be a complex psychological condition that is likely caused by many factors, including severe trauma during early childhood (usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, or emotional abuse).

Well we know from his prequel that he grew up in a brothel in the 15th century and by the time the army surgeon found him he had “seen every dark corner of the human heart”.  It’s easy to extrapolate that he had suffered all types of abuse growing up, was likely put to use in the brothel for those clients that had a predilection for pretty young boys.  So, check.

2. Along with the dissociation and multiple or split personalities, people with dissociative disorders may experience a number of other psychiatric problems, including symptoms:

  • Depression - Regus’s comment “Ignore him, he’s not happy unless he’s miserable”
  • Mood swings - I think we can agree that vampires are moody 
  • Suicidal tendencies - how many times did he ask Tom to kill him?  
  • Sleep disorders (insomnia, night terrors, and sleep walking) - This is my personal canon, and it’s addressed a tiny bit more in the epilogue. I had the inspiration for it from Rubyrosettared’s fic “Numb”.  This is my interpretation of how Hal didn’t seem to be aware that he was about to revert, but Sylvie wasn’t surprised.  
  • Anxiety, panic attacks, and phobias (flashbacks, reactions to stimuli or “triggers”) - The panic attack when he encounters Natasha and has to resort to arranging the paper clips is the biggest one I remember.
  • Alcohol and drug abuse - *cough* Blood *cough*
  • Compulsions and rituals - not stopping on the left hand side because it’s unlucky; the domino spiral; his strict rota
  • Psychotic-like symptoms (including auditory and visual hallucinations) - Hal warns Crumb and Alan about this, and we indeed saw it happen when vampires try to detox
  • Eating disorders - Does the whole drink blood for 50 years then starve for 55 count? 

3. Other symptoms of dissociative identity disorder may include headache, amnesia, time loss, trances, and “out of body experiences.”

Also part of my personal canon, inspired by the fact that on three distinct occasions in the show, Hal seemed to be in a trance, and was confused after. In S4 after Leo died, when grown up Eve urged him to kill baby Eve.  When Tom stopped him, Hal seemed to wake up, and answered that he didn’t know what he was doing.  At the end of S4 when Mr. Snow welcomed him back into the fold (although that could have been due to some sort of supernatural link through the blood that runs through him from Mr. Snow). And, in S5 when The Controversial Split Personality happened, and Crumb proposed they both drink the blood.  Crumb obviously chose the werewolf blood, and Hal almost drank the human blood, but Alex stopped him.  “Were you going to drink that?” “I don’t know.  I honestly don’t know.”

As for amnesia, I had assumed that his personalities would have holes in their memories.  I had a hard time reconciling Bad Hal’s words to Tom “We wake up in the world the other has created around them.” with the fact that Good Hal tells Annie. “I never forget anything.”  How can Hal know all the horrible things he’s done if his other personality had done them.  But then I found out that he could suffer from Dissociative fugue. ‘a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality, and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state is usually short-lived (ranging from hours to days), but can last months or longer.’ So, it is entirely possible the memories would come back quickly.  Maybe his vampiric state has something to do with that.

4. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism – the person literally dissociates himself from a situation or experience that’s too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his conscious self.

I think this could be why he can fight for so long, and then the guilt is too much to bear and he flips.  In the show, even though he’d drunk blood several times, and he knew it was coming -  "feed the monster a little to keep it from taking alot, from taking everything" - the blood wasn’t that the cause of him reverting.  It was Alex loosing faith in him.  He couldn’t bear having disappointed her.  For my story, after the events of Chapter 24 and 25, when Good Hal realizes what he’s done, it’s too much for him to bear.

A final note, Jamie Mathiason, one of the BH writers, said that Hal is a bit autistic.  I always suspected something like that, and it surely comes into play somehow.

2

-throws more fan lines at all of you-
Dragon Games Cerise, and Through the Woods Cerise! I do believe I have an unhealthy affection for Cerise.

I need to stop making these they are consuming my thoughts (trust me I wont stop.)

I love tumblr’s resizing system I do I do :| I believe if you open the image on it’s own, it will show at the intended size.

AND JUST CAUSE IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE I SAY IT AGAIN; THESE ARE FAN CREATIONS.

anonymous asked:

ever since 9th grade my friends & i have met up for breakfast before school but like 3 years later i've stopped going & it's not my friends i have a problem with i just feel like i can't really deal with the social interaction anymore. but i don't want them to think i hate them or i'm too good to hang out with then which is not true ofc

just be straight with them the way u show love changes with you and ur friends love u and wont want u to feel uncomfortable, at least if they know they wont misconstrue it and will hopefully find ways to be there for u that are easier to cope with

3

Hi guys!! This is Lilo… Isn’t she cute?? She is my birthday present from my family!! And I couldn’t be happier. Maybe you dont know because I dont like to talk about it but a few months back I lost my first dog her name was Wendy and she was beautiful. After she die, I thought that I could never love another dog again. But today when the vet showed up at my house with lilo in hand I knew that I was wrong.
What I’m trying to say is even though when your pet die, stop the sad feeling and remember the good happy one. Adopt/ buy a new one and love them as much as you love the one you lost. Because if you had love a pet before… who is going to tell you that you wont again.

Years, Hannibal advent day 27

for @howishughdancyevenpossible whose post (here) inspired me to write today’s advent fic, they were so kind as to let me run with their idea. Thank you again my dear!

this took on a life of it’s own.

XxX

Will woke to the early morning sun that poured through the wide multi-paned windows that stretched across one wall of the bedroom he shared with Hannibal. He yawned and stretched, luxuriating in the cool silk sheets below him in the three years at Hannibal’s side after their fall, Will found himself growing more and more comfortable with Hannibal’s expensive tastes and in turn Hannibal’s had found himself enjoying the simple things in life. It’s safe to say they spoiled each other, immensely.

One good example of how Will spoiled his husband were the overnight cinnamon rolls that were waiting for him downstairs, from the first moment he had tasted them Hannibal had absolutely adored them and now he never stopped pestering Will to reveal his secret recipe. Will never did, he only smiled and shook his head every time Hannibal asked much to the man’s chargin. But because of his love for Will’s cinnamon rolls it was now a sort of tradition that they had them every Saturday morning and Will would bring them up to Hannibal to wake him up in the morning. Another thing Hannibal had grown used to these past three years was sleeping in, who would have guessed the doctor was truly someone who would rather stay in bed than get up and start the day. Now that he didn’t have patients calling him at all hours of the day or night and the fact that they were relatively safe in their homey Parisian cottage, having been declared dead back in the states, he found no reason to keep up the pretense of the early riser doctor. Will on the other had could never get the hang of sleeping too late, like clockwork he got up hours before Hannibal to let the dogs out and start breakfast, which was now his responsibility alone. He figured it was from the years of working early mornings in the boatyard with his dad and years of FBI work, he never minded though it meant he got to see his sleepy cannibal wake up with yawns, soft smiles, and morning cuddles.

Speaking of the devil, Will turned on his side to look at his husband of three years who snored softly next to him. He lay on his stomach facing Will, the fingers of one hand pressed loosely to his lips as the other was curled up and around his pillow. Will grinned as he sat up letting the light his Hannibal’s face, who turned his head and snuffled into his pillow already mumbling for just five more minutes. Will pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder and then again behind his ear, pushing away Hannibal’s long shoulder length hair away with his hand Will whispered in his ear.

“I’ll come back with some coffee, hmmm?”

Hannibal nodded already drifting back under as Will slipped out of bed, not bothering to gather up the silk bathrobe as he’d soon be covered in flour anyway. On his way to the bathroom he stopped to pet Encephalitis, their three legged dachshund who was flopped on its back asleep in the swell of Hannibal’s sheet covered ass. With all his hesitation Hannibal had taken a liking to the dog, breaking his own rule of no dogs in the bed when he bought her little stairs that led up to their bed to make it easier for her to join them at night. Encephalitis chuffed herself awake and bounced down the stairs to join him in the bathroom as he relieved himself. She followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen where he opened the sliding glass door that led to the backyard and let her out. He left the door open to let her come and go as she pleased while he set out to make coffee and boil the water to help the rolls rise. As the coffee steeped in the French press Will retrieved the p remade rolls from the fridge and placed them in the cold oven and put a pan of boiling hot water underneath the rolls and shut the door, there they would stay for thirty minutes.

During that time he poured Hannibal a large mug of strong coffee, still puttering around the house in just his boxer-briefs Will brought the coffee back upstairs and into their bedroom. Where he set it down on the nightstand before turning with his hands on his hips to take in his husband, who now was on his back head turned away from the sun. Encephalitis had found herself back in bed with Hannibal, cradled in the crook of his arm. Will ran his fingers through the hair on Hannibal’s chest and rubbed his stomach, massaging the heel of his hand into the scar there. Leaning over he pressed feather light kisses to the corner of Hannibal’s mouth, the man hummed but showed no signs of joining the waking world.

“Hannibal, come on. Start waking up for me, I brought you coffee.”

Hannibal nodded and mumbled a groggy thank you, but nuzzled back into his pillow resolutely refusing to wake. Will really hadn’t expected anything different; he loved it when Hannibal was like this, the man’s trust firmly in Will’s hands as he gluttoned on sleep. He only smiled and pressed another kiss to Hannibal’s forehead and rubbed his belly for a few more moments watching as he slept.

Finally deeming that it was time to get the rolls baking Will made his wake back down stairs. Removing the pan of water he emptied it and put it on the stove to make the icing, he turned on the oven and started the timer. He had some time before he needed to start the icing so he poured himself some coffee and spooned in two sugars, he checked the news in both Paris and America on Hannibal’s tablet. When he could smell the cinnamon and yeast Will began the hot cream cheese icing, as a last thought Will took out another pan and started frying up slices of “long pig” bacon. This particular one was rather rude, daring to touch himself as he peeked through windows at children, definitely not something neither Will nor Hannibal could let slide.

When the timer went off and the bacon was crispy and draining on some paper towels, Will removed them from the oven and turned it off. Setting the tray on the counter he turned and took up the icing and drizzled a generous amount all over each roll which were easily the size of Hannibal’s palm, when done he set six cinnamon rolls on a separate tray to sit in the pantry to stale so he could use them to make bread pudding for tomorrow’s dessert, if Hannibal could keep his mitts off of them. On his way back into the kitchen he snagged the breakfast tray and piled four rolls along with the bacon and his own topped off cup of coffee along with a carafe of fresh coffee, and made his way back upstairs.

In the bedroom Hannibal hadn’t moved an inch, still sprawled out on his back. Will shook his head and set the breakfast tray on the bed and climbed into it to join Hannibal. Now more persistent to wake Hannibal, his kisses were harder and his touch more insistent. He rubbed circles on Hannibal’s belly and chest each one brought Hannibal a little closer to consciousness, Will murmured gently calling him to eat.

“Come on Hannibal, time to wake up I’ve brought breakfast. It’s Saturday so cinnamon rolls are in store for you if you wake up.”

Hannibal’s eyebrows rose but didn’t open his eyes as he took a deep breath in, “You’ve made bacon as well.”

Will nodded even though Hannibal couldn’t see him, he took Encephalitis in his arms and moved her away to Hannibal could sit up. Though instead of sitting Hannibal rose to lean back on his elbows to gaze at Will with naked adoration in his eyes, lips quirked in a soft smile that was just for him.

“You look radiant this morning Will.”

Will laughed and kissed Hannibal who happily returned it, “You say that every morning.”

“And each morning it becomes truer than the last, lovely boy.”

As my scheduled for collage is finally starting to settle down, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m gonna have to be scrapping at the last few minutes of the day to be able to draw for this blog. I know I’m already pretty slow with things and school is gonna make my pace a lot slower as I am having to focus the most of my drawing time for my animation class, along with the home work from my other classes, that really eats up a lot of my time.

But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop with the blog all together, I’ll try drawing for it once every week, maybe I wont upload something every week but I’ll really try! Just please bare with me if the quality isn’t good or if it looks rushed, please Please don’t mistake the lack of uploads or anything as me not caring for this blog anymore, the fact I’m making time for it should show that I still love drawing Mana, right? Q vQ

Thank you for reading and following so far, I really hope we can continue to laugh and grow together! Please take this tiny bear Mana as a thanks~

3

I only saw this conversation now but it made me so incredibly pissed because THIS is the reason why Katie barely interacts with us anymore. Everyone is always attacking her for the littlest thing. I’m also pretty sure this girl doesn’t even watch the show but felt personally offended because Katie didn’t mention “bisexuality” and said the word “slut” (which everyone sais daily) this really makes me sad because Katie is so kind and doesn’t deserve this attacking and I really hope this incident wont stop her to talk to the real fans who appreciate and love her in the future.

  • What I say: I'm fine.
  • What I actually mean: wHat dO YOU MEAN MY BABIES WONT GET A HAPPY ENDING?? I LOVE THEM MORE THAN MY OWN LIFE YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME. WANG SO DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD HE LOVES HAE SOO SO MUCH AND SO UNCONDITIONALLY THAT MY HEART CANt taKE IT OKAYYY! THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO END NO IT ISNT WTF STOP LYING TO YO SELF. THIS ISNT A SHIT SHOW, THIS SHOW IS PERFECTION AND I DONT KNOW HOW IT CAME TO OWN MY ASS BUT IT DOES AND I'LL JUST LIVE WITH THE PAAAAAIN ALL ON MY OWN IM AN ADULT NOW THIS SHOW CANT WRECK ME I AM INVINCIBLE!!!!!!
[the lover] thoughts

1. Joonjae is so gay it hurts

2. Takuya might be bi, might be straight, might be just a little shit.

3. do the subs actually take tHAT FUCKING LONG

4.  sorry for this impatience but ya

5. i’m loving the k-indie songs ok everytime i hear the song they played during joonjae’s jealousy scene with taku-ryung [선우정아 - 삐뚤어졌어] i just get so emotional and thE fEELS WONT STOP FLOWINg and i start thinking about life and my stupid struggles in getting over people that i can’t have i just-. i love the tracks so much.

6. bUT! i kinda realise they’re only pretty-fying everything up bc the takujae couple is mainly there for the fangirls and the queerbaiting and for the show to have sOME kind of moving dynamic.

7. still takuya is bae and i’m stuck with this show

I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s somewhat misogynistic that some people’s first thought for Slingshot is to be a love interest for Fitz, right? 

Yes, let’s ignore the fact that in the comics she is a disabled WOC with super powers who will be a member of Secret Warriors. That nearly wont be interesting enough on its own. She’s needed on the show to boost Fitz’s ego.  *ends sarcasm* 

I swear to God this fandom pisses me off with their bullshit and I’m saying this as someone who loves Fitz. But for fucks sake, stop reducing female characters to be nothing more than a love interest for a male character.