okay, okay, okay, OKAY, honestly, i was gonna make a more serious banner, but i stay a headass, so…yeah, nvm, i guess…
that aside, i honestly don’t think any word in any language can depict how excited, how surprised, and how HONORED i am to have made it this far in 1.5 months. 1,018. there are 1,018 of you following me on this day may 23, 2017 at 4:28 pm central standard time.
without a doubt, the fact that this blog is a revamp of the one i ran ~1-2 years ago contributes to how boosted i’ve become in such a short span of time, but that alone does not dampen my surprise; I seriously wasn’t expecting to have received this much attention considering how slow and, if not that, RIDICULOUS i am ( fr, so many of y’all are way too familiar with the shenanigans i get involved in )…but hey, all in all, i’m not complaining. again, i’m beyond overjoyed that you guys are still here to put up with me and whatever the fuck i do, smh——
——BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. the joy does not stop there. in addition to all of the amazing people who have stayed with me thus far, i’ve also actually managed to make good friends / meet eager RP partners here. even though i can be timid asf and the absolute worst at the DM game, lots and lots of you guys are still willing to talk to / get to know me and my raven!! the fact that so many of you enjoy interacting with us and are capable of making us smile ( yes, us…raven seriously fux with some of y’all’s muses ) and feel is surreal. i’ve enjoyed it just as much as you guys have and, as a matter of fact, find myself thinking about this a lot even when i’m offline. it’s amazing, isn’t it? the impact that all of you have had on me despite my being here for less than two months——
——just imagine how phenomenal things will be after four months, six months, one year…
anyway, in case you couldn’t tell, i’m really not the best at expressing myself…so, if everything i’ve said so far has been incoherent or ???weird???, then i apologize…but to sum everything up, just know that I’m legitimately GRATEFUL for each and every one of you. thank you. thank you for making my experience on tumblr an unforgettable one so far. it really means a lot.
AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THE L( OSERS )OML…THE FIRE OF MY LOINS…THE REASONS I SMILE WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO SMILE ABOUT…
perfect. ed sheeran // darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all i own. all of me. john legend // give your all to me, i’ll give my all to you. make you mine. us the duo // this is the part where we say ‘i do’. nothing without love. nate reuss // i don’t want to lose this one, she make me feel whole. cant help falling in love. pentatonix // would it be sin if i can’t help falling in love with you? did i say that outloud? barenaked ladies // nobody has ever kissed as well as you do. say you won’t let go. james arthur // i knew i loved you then, but you’d never know. i choose you. sara bareilles // tell the world that we finally got it all right, i choose you. sugar, you. oh honey // sugar, don’t you change a thing, you’re already everything i want. halo. beyonce // remember those walls i built? well baby, they’re tumbling down.
I waited until the last possible second to tell Liam about the trip to Newark, my nerves overplaying in my head and making me dance around the subject with him until late Thursday night. I sort of let it slip randomly during a discussion we were having about what kind of takeaway we wanted to order for dinner that night. I didn’t mean for it to come out so nonchalantly, to be honest, I had a whole spiel planned in my head, but it just burst out of my mouth and I totally froze. He knitted his brows at me a bit, confusion setting in as he obviously had no clue that Niall even had a tournament coming up, but I told him he had invited me and that we were leaving the next day and would be back on Sunday. I already knew Liam had a bunch of work to do at the law firm during the weekend, so regardless he wouldn’t be able to go, but I was still scared shitless about what his reaction would be.
Imagine Chris discovering just how much you love him. (Part B)
A/N: Part 2B, yo! I know I left you with a bit of a cliffhanger, but here it is; the notebook. 💕 (I’ve decided to make this my regular time to post now, just to catch the time zones.) You can read the related mini-series and the previous parts here: (Mini-series - Masterlist; Mini-series Spin-off: ‘Unexpected Reader’, ‘Little Ways Away’, and ‘She Said Yes’ - Masterlist; ‘Miss Graduate’: Part 1/Part 2A)
Chris Evans, if you are reading this then I somehow managed to get this notebook to you on my graduation day. I don’t know if you’ll read the whole thing, or if you’ll read this first page and throw it away thinking I’m absolutely insane. I don’t know because as much as I’d like to think I know you, I don’t and I don’t know if I’ll ever be lucky enough to. So let me just give you a quick rundown on what’s in this notebook, or what I’m planning to write in it.
Chris could hear your voice when he read your words; he could always hear your voice, and it always made him smile. He couldn’t believe that you’d think he’d throw away the notebook after reading just the first page. Whether or not he knew who you were- he would’ve let his curiosity take hold of him and read the whole thing from cover to cover. After that, he’d find you because if he fell for you through your mini series- he would’ve fallen for you through your innermost thoughts and feelings. He stopped thinking and continued reading, letting your voice speak to him again.
I guess I should introduce myself first to make this a little less weird. My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m- well, I’ll be twenty-two when you read this, but I am currently nineteen. As I’m writing this, I’ve got my acceptance letter into UCLA in front of me; I’ll be starting my first semester in January and I’m both terrified and excited to start this part of my life. The reason I’m telling you all this is because you are the reason I applied for UCLA in the first place. Without you, I would still be stuck in my comfort zone a million miles away from where I want to be. Without you, I wouldn’t have done what scared me. Without you, I wouldn’t be one step closer to fulfilling my dream of being a screenwriter. Whether or not you choose to read this whole thing, I want you to know how grateful I am towards you. I need you know how thankful I am for helping me move along in life. I promise that my first Oscar will be dedicated to you and everything you didn’t know you’ve done for me.
Chris rested the notebook page down on his lap and he ran a hand over his mouth as he fought the urge to tear up. Every time you thanked him for helping you get to and through UCLA, he got teary eyed because you were always so genuine with your gratefulness and appreciation. Now he accepted the thanks that helped you get through UCLA because he was there for you; he was your friend, then boyfriend, then fiancé while you were studying. But he didn’t even know you when you applied and got accepted, you could thank him all you want but he’d never claim the credit for helping you. He didn’t understand how- no matter how much you tried to explain it to him, he still believed he was just one of the pieces. Like with or without him, you would’ve eventually done something with your talent and gone to UCLA anyway. Every time he said that, you had to fight the urge to show him the notebook. You needed him to know everything so he’d stop brushing you off and crediting you for something that wouldn’t have happened without him.
He picked the notebook back up and continued to read.
Let’s see, the journey starts with my gap year. I took a gap year after I graduated from high school, unlike most of my class and school mates who knew exactly what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go. I had no clue, and when people asked me what I wanted to do- I found myself lying. I told everyone what they wanted and expected from me, but it made me feel like a fraud. I tried to find myself- to find a path I wanted to walk, but I always came up empty. As a kid when I found myself feeling lost or alone, I turned to writing because when I wrote- I could be whoever and do whatever I wanted. I could hide behind my words, drift off into a place far from everyone else- far from myself. I didn’t have to think or pretend because nothing bad happened in my stories, it was always perfect. Writing was an escape for me, it was my safe haven. And that, Chris, was where you came into play.
He loved the story of how you started writing about him, as did Sebastian and Ava. Why? Because you only started writing about him because you were writing about Sebastian and wanted to have a little bit of a love triangle happening. It was incredibly amusing and it was something he- and everyone loved teasing you about. But of course, the reason behind why you stopped writing about Sebastian and started writing about Chris and only Chris as your main love interest- that was too sweet to let even the hilarity of how you started ruin it. You said, and he could easily quote it because it was one of his favorite things ever, “the more I wrote about you, the less I wrote about Sebastian and the harder I fell for someone I didn’t know. You were perfect, Chris Evans. To me, for me- I couldn’t write about anyone else anymore.”
The notebook thoroughly explained everything, it said it all; how great an inspiration he was to you, how talented you thought he was, how much you’d love to work with him one day, and how much you truly loved him- but that came near the end after you started dating him. It was basically a journal, but instead of talking to yourself- you spoke to him. It became less formal and more casual as your relationship with him progressed, it became moments he missed that you wanted him to have and anecdotes of how you knew he was the one for you.
A personal favorite- of his and yours- a moment that secure feelings on both sides, that promised a possible lifetime together actually happened before the two of you dated. The day you skipped class and spent it with him, at Burbank and the Dolby Theater. It could’ve been considered a first date, except you went as friends, but it was still one of the most memorable days you’ve had together. It said so in your notebook, and even told him that was the moment you knew you’d fallen for him. Like actually fell- not as a fan, but as a girl who wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with a boy.
I just returned home after spending the day with you in Burbank and at the Dolby Theater, Chris, and I’m going to write everything that happened down now. I’m not doing this because I’m afraid we’ll forget it, I’m doing this because I want you to know exactly when I fell for you; today. Not you as in actor, Chris Evans. I meant you as in Chris Evans, the guy I always believed you were. The more time I spend with you, the more I realize how accurate I was about everything. You are as kind, as thoughtful, as sweet, and definitely as romantic as Fan fic Chris. I don’t know if we’ll ever be something more than just friends, but this is a feeling I want to share with you. I love you. I am in-love with you. To me- you are the one, and- Have you heard that song ‘One and Only’ by the Adele? Well, when I listen to that- I think of us, and more importantly how I feel about you. Now I know you’re not completely oblivious to my affections; you are a smart man, and you’ve read my mini-series. But until you tell me otherwise, I won’t be acting on anything. I can’t lose you as a friend, and I’d rather have you in my life than not have you at all.
Chris felt this eyes narrow slightly, 'One and Only’ by Adele. Had he heard it before? He didn’t know if he should continue reading, or listen to the song before he did. He was curious about both. He decided to continue reading first, he was already nearing the end. The last few entries detailed: the day after you got together, the trip to Boston, the rough patch, the proposal, the long weekend, and even the dinner you two had with Sebastian and Ava. He smiled when he read about the play fight you had out on the grass under the stars. He was glad you loved that moment as much as he did, that you thought it was worthy of being mentioned.
When all was read, he closed the notebook and hugged it to his chest. He was definitely going to keep this in a safe, safe place where no one but him could get to. He felt closer to you, and he fell deeper in-love with you. He didn’t have a doubt before about marrying you, but this somehow made him even more sure about the future he had with you. Neither of you were going anywhere, this was going to work out until you were both old and gray. He was sure of it, as were those who’d seen the two of you together.
Chris carried the notebook with him as he made his way over to your clutch where your phone was. He pulled it out and searched for the song, 'One and Only’ by Adele. He found it, grabbed his earphones, then walked to sit back down in his original spot on the couch. He closed his eyes and allowed the music to engulf his thoughts and feelings.
You’ve been on my mind I grow fonder every day, Lose myself in time Just thinking of your face God only knows Why it’s taken me so long To let my doubts go You’re the only one that I want
I don’t know why I’m scared, I’ve been here before Every feeling, every word, I’ve imagined it all, You never know if you never try To forgive your past and simply be mine
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only Promise I’m worthy to hold in your arms So come on and give me the chance To prove that I’m the one who can Walk that mile until the end starts
If I’ve been on your mind You hang on every word I say Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close? And have you tell me whichever road I choose you’ll go
I don’t know why I’m scared 'cause I’ve been h-
Chris pulled out his earphones before the song could finish, and boy were his tears rolling. If that was the song you thought about when you thought of him, he was overjoyed to have done what the song asked. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be as happy and felt as loved as he did when he was with you. He understood it now, understood how much you truly loved him and why you always thanked him for finding his way into your life. He placed both notebook and your phone down on the coffee table then headed upstairs because he needed to see you and reciprocate the great love you carried for him.
He wiped his tears as he opened his bedroom door, soon to be yours too. He stood in the doorway and watched you sleep with the help of the soft lights in the hallway. God, did he love you with everything he had. He was ready and wanting to start the life you’d both talked about extensively. He quietly padded across the room, shushing Dodger who whined as Chris gently pushed him off you. He leaned over you and gently tucked his arms under your body, lifting you off the mattress to press you against him for a warm hug. You stirred in his arms and he gently drew his head back to smile at you before kissing your forehead.
“What are you doing?” You groaned, tired and drunk. “Chris, stop,” you whined and pushed your palms against his chest; he chuckled softly and released you from his arms. “What are you doing?” You quizzed again, blinking at the light peeking in through the ajar door.
“Nothing,” he shook his head. You felt your head pound as you turned, burying your face into your pillow. He remained hovering over you then sat down beside your hip, running his hand soothingly up and down your back. “I just love you.”
“Love me in the morning,” you mumbled into the pillow then fell right back to sleep.
“No,” he whispered with a smile, readjusting your hair so it wouldn’t tangle with your necklace. “I think I’m okay sticking to my original plan to love you every second of every moment of the rest of my life.” He leaned over and kissed the back of your head, smiling when he remembered the last paragraph he read in your notebook.
Honestly, Chris. If I don’t become a success in Hollywood; if all I’m known for is being your wife and the mother of your children; if that is all I can achieve in this lifetime, and any lifetimes after, I’d be perfectly contented and at peace with myself. Why, you ask? Because, my love, that is the greatest accomplishment one can achieve: to love unconditionally and earn that in return. So don’t fret if I don’t complete my goal of becoming a screenwriter because you are all I need now.