i love this book so much you have no idea

important facts & quotes from hidden oracle reread #4 part one

i cited everything from the hardback edition bc im a nerd 

- page one apollo is already making pop culture references (1)

- meg is such a badass oh my g od (14)

- riodan does such a beautiful way of explaining things in this novels. awe-inspiring. mind blowing. example: “Her eyes glinted darkly like a crow’s. (I can make that comparison because I invented crows.)” (14-15) wow. beautiful. 

- so i understand this series is going to be about Apollo’s redemption and ~~~~finding himself~~~~ or w\e but JESUS PLEASE RICK you can’t just say “She [Meg] reminded me of the strays my sister was always adopting: dogs, panthers, homeless maidens, small dragons.” (15) WITHOUT PROVIDING SEVERAL BOOKS AS EXAMPLE FOR SAID SENTENCE all i want is a book focused on artemis and her army of small dragons and lesbians dear gods please 

- omfg can you just imagine sally having to go over to Percy’s room and having to tell him that the greek god of the sun apollo was there to see him omfg. imagine the salt. imagine both of them just groaning. imagine.

-”If I had still been an immortal, I might have flirted with her [Sally Jackson] myself.” (30-31) l o l Sally is a middle aged married woman seven months pregnant and still bringing in the gods you go girl im proud of you

- Sally Jackson is one of the best characters in the entire series. citation: every riodan book ever even the non-pjo it’s a fact 

- i 10000% support the idea that percy gave apollo the led zeppelin shirt as a sneaky joke he’s so smart i love him so much

- “Percy laced his fingers. They were long and nimble.”(35) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- He [Percy] would have made an excellent musician.” (35) f u ck 

- literally all percy wants is to “stay alive” long enough to go to college, meet his baby sister, and see his mom get her book published my heart is broken for this boy (35-36)

- the return of the seven layer dip fuck me up (40)

- jfc that poor Prius it’s been through so much (52-54)

- page 67 and Percy’s already made two comic book references he’s such a canon nerd 

- “Cops love me almost as much as teachers do.” god Percy Jackson what are you doing to me

- apollo tried to order a pizza to CHB and honestly same (73)

- g o d will solace jfc wow

- we’re to assume Will’s a skier (his Okemo Mountain jacket & skiers tan) (82) and now i have to write the inevitable fic that comes out of this fact

- Will’s mom was a alt.-country singer from Austin, Texas (83) which wow and honestly makes the fact will is a horrible singer 1000% better

- yellow daises grow year-round in the Apollo cabin, and it smells like fresh linens and dried sage. (83)

- kayla is aiming for the olympics and honestly im so proud already 

- fact: any and all solangelo interaction have me crying into my book 

- “Will put his hand on Nico’s shoulder, ‘Nico, we need to have another talk about your people skills.’” lol this implies that they’ve had this talk before and im dying to hear it

- the Hermes kids are big fans of Rocky Horror Picture Show (95) and now i have to write a seperate list of headcanons for this fact

- speaking of, Apollo used to cosplay as Rocky bc why not. (95-96)

- listen i know im solangelo trash BUT - “Will and Nico sat shoulder to shoulder, bantering good-naturedly. They were so cute together it made me feel desolate.” im destroyed (110)

- “but if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen.” “it’s a mood disorder” “i cant control it” stfu nico u nerd u just want to sit with your boyfriend im dead (110)

- Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.” death to goody-two-shoes will solace 2k17

- off topic but CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE CHIRON THO. like. this happens and will and nico are just standing there. in front of him. telling him they have to sit together OR NICO WILL JUST HAPPEN TO PUT CRACKS INTO HIS CAMP. just imagine. him staring at them. sighing. deciding not to fight this one. agreeing & watching them giggle away bc they’re so SNEAKY & now they can EAT TOGETHER WOW 

-   lol when Meg was going to town on the hot dogs and “Julia and Alice watched her with a mixture of fascination and horror.” (111)

- “Will and Nico exchanged a look that might have meant, here we go.” (112) okay im sorry im just sO GONE FOR LITTLE MOMENTS LIKE THIS I JUST WANT NICO TO BE HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS OKAY

- apollo refers to the seven as “the A-list” (112) same tho

- Jason, Piper, Coach Hedge, Mellie and baby Chuck are all in LA with Piper’s father like???? (113) THIS IS SOMETHING I NEED TO SEE? What’s the living arrangement? Is Jason living with Piper? OH GOD IS JASON LIVING WITH HEDGE AND MELLIE? DO THEY ALL LIVE IN SOME BIG PLACE PIPER’S DAD RENTED OUT???? do Piper and Jason babysit? do they have family dinners? how’s baby chuck doing??? how are they all adjusting to domestic life?? I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS ALL VERY IMPORTANT TO ME 

- lol nico’s just as pissed as eveRYONE IN THE FANDOM about Leo’s not-death and im living for it (113)

- also nico carries around Leo’s lil ‘IM ALIVE LOL’ letter\hologram\thing? like i get it was completely for the plot but?????? “i look at it whenever i want to get angry” (114) like ok nico u lil bean whatever u say u little emo shit

- apollo’s little ‘lol when u have a headache in olympus hephaestus just cracks open your skull and removes whatever brain god\dess u just birthed up lol it’s so much easier ugh’ (116) w h a t t h e f u c k 

- fact: harley is adorable no citation needed

- also you’re telling me chiron, basically as old as time itself tbh, doesn’t speak portuguese? k (120)

- “i am merely assessing how well paolo’s arms are functioning after surgery” (120) those are some big words william u nervous or something??

- “hmph” - nico di angelo, 2016 (120) 

- this isn’t really important but there’s a satyr named herbert and he’s my new favorite character sorry i dont make the rules (124)

- ok so there’s an unnamed random camper who mutters in Italian (127) and now i’ve got the BIGGEST headcanon that this random girl and Nico (omg maybe a few others????) meet a few times a month just to rant to each other in Italian so none of them get sloppy with the language and u g h im such a bitch for nico di angelo frienships

- “A boy in the crowd gasped, ‘she’s a communist!’” (127) i fucking hate this book omfg

i’ll do more later in order to mentally prepare myself for the dark prophecy but it’s 3 am and im tired  

10

Only I can give Dipper what he truly wants.

Only I know and understand his deepest desires and fears.

Only I can stay beside him.


…Too dark or nah?

It’s been a month since I started the first pic and whew, guys, I am NOT good at time management. Anyways, exams are next week and I have a whole lot of other shit to do, so… I hope this’ll suffice until I can be active again!

As always, you’re free to leave an ask, it might just take a while for me to answer. Also, I’m really sorry, but to those who will hereafter be submitting ask, please don’t expect art to go along with your answer? I’m sorry? I really want to be as active as possible but if I try and make art for every ask I’ll never answer them all. I’m not saying I will never include art, just that it’s going to be very unlikely. Thank you so much for understanding.

On another note, man I am so pumped for this AU! I have other comic ideas stacked, so I hope you guys are as excited as I am!

Also, final note, this comic is not meant to be fluffy. This is Bill being a conniving, manipulating kind of guy who has a twisted sense of what love is and what one “requires” to be “worthy” of someone.

Title taken from The Princess Bride. I love that book.

How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

I’m So In Love With You

Summary:  ( Ceo!Bucky) You and Bucky spending some quality time together after him being at work nonstop.

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words:1550

Warnings: Very fluffy and flashbacks in italic

Originally posted by flyngdream

Originally posted by bucky-plums-barnes

You wake up with the sunlight coming from the window; you turn around to see your boyfriend sleeping peacefully next to you. It’s being a while since you woke up next to him, Bucky was working nonstop on his company for the last couple of months, waking up earlier every day and getting home late every night.

You start to trace your fingers on his jaw, he looks so peaceful and happy that you can’t help but smile as you look at him. You get off the bed, putting his red sweater that was on the floor going to the balcony to his penthouse.

Keep reading

It wasn’t the distance that scared her. She was scared of the idea that he’ll find someone better in between their distance apart.
—  This is killing me.

sophieashdown-deactivated-deact  asked:

Hello Cassie! I adore your books, and I read them often; I wish to thank you for all that you've written, and thank you so much for each and every character. The character Alec helped me out through bad times, and he's the reason I was brave enough to come out :) I have a quick question, and I hope you can answer! Are there any minor details about Raphael that weren't in the books (like, ideas and such, or headcanons as fans call it)? Thanks for reading this, have a lovely day! ~Tommy

*hugs* There’s more about Raphael to be said, but fortunately we haven’t seen the last of him. One of the bonuses of writing in different time periods is seeing characters again, even if they died (assuming they don’t come back!) — for instance, The Lost Book of the White is set before Raphael’s death, and since he and Magnus were friends…I guess what I’m saying is that there are more details about Raphael to be learned and you can look to future books for them! 

4

“Julian,” she said, and then his mouth came down over hers, dry and burning hot, and her heart seemed to stop and start again, an engine revved into an impossibly high gear. - Lord of Shadows

The whole point of starting my HP sketches was to let my mind completely free of pressure and of a perfect drawing. I shouldn’t think about pleasing anyone else.

I am not insecure as I was before starting this series, because despite of some opinions, I want to keep doing it the way I want. It’s been non-stop 4 months and it’s working until now because I’m trying my best not to feel pressure about other people’s opinion. It’s a drawing and comic everyday. I hope someday all of this is going somewhere beyond tumblr :)

I just want to show good things and our favorite characters being nice to one another, having a life they all deserved to have after struggling with pain and loss in the books that JK Rowling wrote. They are grown up and mature now, learning from mistakes and raising a healthy and fun family that it’s presented to us in the Epilogue.

Thank you for all the support and lovely messages. I’m sorry if I haven’t answered you yet - I’m so surprised about getting messages everyday and not having the complete time to answer them… I’m still trying to manage all of this.   You have no idea how much I am happy about keep drawing characters that I love so much. I really want to keep doing this, thank you for sticking with me <3

8

Hello there, dear writerly friends!

Over the last year I’ve gotten hundreds (if not thousands :0) of writers sending me their story-ideas and asking me if they’re ‘good.’ Now, instead of continuously copy-pasting the same response, or worse ignoring them, I decided to format my thoughts into a nice-and-simple test c;

Now, since I have a feeling some of you still have questions, let me post here my answers to the responses I’ve gotten from this test:

Is this seriously the test?

Yes. Just 3 questions. Not more. Not less.

You’re saying that if I find the story-idea 'fun’ to write, then I’m good to go?

Yes.

Even though you know nothing about my story-idea?

Nope. I don’t care what your story is actually about. All I care about is that you have fun. Seriously. If you have fun writing it, the reader will be able to tell. It’s easier to be passionate about something you enjoy. On the flip-side, have you ever read anything that was written by someone who clearly was not having ANY fun? Ask your English teacher if they can tell when someone actually enjoyed writing an essay. You may be able to half-ass a cake and make something edible, but you can’t half-ass a book and expect people to like it.

Even though I think this story idea is similar to that of another book?

Jorge Luis Borges said that there are only 4 types of stories: a love story between two people, a love story between three people, the struggle for power, and the journey. The truth is that, really, the idea for the story does not matter. It’s not what you say, but how you it say that matters. And, I don’t know about you, but I think it’s easier to get your voice across when you’re actually enjoying the process of writing c;

How do I make my story-idea more 'fun’?

Be honest with yourself. Write about what excites you. You don’t have to write about anything you don’t care about, or meet some sort of imaginary guidelines. Writing is art. Write about anything you want. Additionally, you may want to checkout my (Strange) Guide to Planning Your Novel, it’s built on this entire philosophy.

I hope this helps! I have gotten this question so many times, I thought it would be best to just put my answer out there for all of you  c;

If you want more writerly content, such as writer positivity and prompts, make sure to follow my blog: maxkirin.tumblr.com!

anonymous asked:

I have no idea if you'd actually know, but is there any chance you know of any books on bipolar disorder meant for Catholics? If not, maybe mental illness or depression in general? Thank you so much.

I don’t; I wish I did! Maybe someone else does and could offer suggestions? I would love to find some!!

mrmcbooks  asked:

Hey Cassie! You have no idea how much I love your books, and not to mention how much Alec and Magnus mean to me. Reading about them when I was just beginning to figure out my sexuality meant a lot. I just finished TftSA and I really want to cry because of George. I love the fact though that Simon took on Lovelace as his surname. I remember reading awhile back that Simon would take Lightwood when he married Izzy, is this still true? Lovelace seems so fitting to him honoring George.

Simon will always keep Lovelace as part of his name — so, poor boy, he will likely be cursed with the name Simon Lewis Lovelace Lightwood forever. He has reasons to honor the Lightwoods, too, so for him this is a way to honor multiple people who he cares about. :)

anonymous asked:

hi! uh so I kind of want to read some historical romances but I have NO idea where to start, so could you recommend me some of your favorites?

Well hello friend you made my day with this, 

and you also made my romance co-blogger bestie @cammiemorgan​ happy with this because to say that Eri and I love historical romance would be an understatement but 

ANYWAY, here’s a list (in no particular order because I don’t rate my faves it’s too hard) (links in bold):

1. Sarah MacLean

  • Nine Rules to Break While Romancing a Rake (Love by Numbers #1) - this is my first MacLean book and I love it so much because Callie is so relatable I love her. also, the whole story is so much fun because Callie’s like fuck the society and starts masquerading as a man and do fun stuff like going to gentlemen’s clubs and fencing


2. Tessa Dare

  • Any Duchess Will Do (Spindle Cove #4) - hero duke with a meddling mother who’d love nothing but to see him settled down, issues a challenge: if ma manages to turn heroine barmaid into proper duchess material, he’d marry. MY FAVE. actually the whole series is one of my faves but THIS BOOK. MY BABY PAULINE TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS WORLD, TOO PURE. ONLY WANTS TO OPEN A LIBRARY. also kinky sex. I just have to put it in there.
  • When a Scot Ties the Knot (Castles Ever After #3) - oh MY GOOOOOD IMAGINE WRITING IMAGINARY LOVE LETTERS TO YOUR IMAGINARY LOVER WHO WAS AT WAR TO PUT YOUR MEDDLING FAMILY AT BAY WITH THE MARRIAGE TALK, KILL OFF SAID IMAGINARY LOVER, AND YEARS LATER HAVING HIM APPEARING ON YOUR DOORSTEP DEMANDING YOUR PROMISES I WOULD DI-


3. Julia Quinn

  • Because of Miss Bridgerton (Rokesbys #1) - prequel to the Bridgerton series. longtime childhood friends/nemeses/neighbours suddenly having not-so-nemeses-y feelings for each other. much fun. also the second book is coming out soon so GET ON THIS ONE


4. Lisa Kleypas

  • Devil in Winter (Wallflowers #3) - The Wallflowers series is my first LK and I love them so much I’d still rec the whole series but THIS ONE IS MY ULTIMATE FAVOURITE (it needs all caps I’m not sorry). READ IT FOR SEBASTIAN ST VINCENT THE NOTORIOUS RAKE AND EVIE JENNER THE SHY WALLFLOWER WHO BROUGHT HIM TO HIS KNEES (in both ways)
  • Devil in Spring (The Ravenels #3) - newly released. it’s about Sebastian and Evie’s son Gabriel, the new Lord St Vincent who’s got the best of both worlds: his father’s looks and his mother’s temperament, and basically just wonderful. and Pandora Ravenel is not your typical hist-rom heroine. 


4. Courtney Milan

READ HER ENTIRE WORK. GO FOR IT. NO QUESTIONS-

but if you want some place to start then Unraveled (Turner #3) is my ultimate favourite, I say this very calmly. and I can’t pick my fav among the Brothers Sinister series because they’re all my children I love them equally-


Eri also would like to mention Bitter Spirits by Jen Bennett which is set in the 20s San Francisco, and Wicked Intentions by Elizabeth Hoyt for the dirty smut lmao


we didn’t go overboard at all with this, did we, Eri

I love drarry fics where…

There is Ron or Ginny bashing (or any Weasley)

But

I also love fics where the Weasley’s are so supportive of Harry and what he does.

———

Lucius is just such a bastard, and was abusive to Draco

But

I also love the fics where he is such a good father, and realizes the mistakes that he has done.

———

Snape is the most pettiest man ever. And he just hates everyone and anything

But

I also love the fics where he knows that he’s done wrong with how he’s treated people, and starts to become a better person

———

Hermione is the smartest witch and knows everything there is to know about everything

But

I also love the fics where there are just so many wizarding things that she has no idea about. There’s only so much you can learn from books.

———

I love the fics where narcissa is the most caring mother that Draco could ask for, and would do anything for

But

I also love fics where she is a ruthless bitch that cares for her son, just goes about it the wrong way.

———

I love all the opposites that fics have when it comes to characters. That’s what makes a good plot (at least to me).

And it hate when someone gets hate for liking a certain thing in fics.

If you want to to make Voldemort somehow be a good person, by all means go and do that.

That’s the beauty of fics. They aren’t supposed to be real.

Fics are what people use to voice their ideas for others to see in the form of writing.

And I for one think that’s beautiful.

So people shouldn’t care what others like when reading drarry fics (or any fic for that matter). Just let them like it and be done with it. It doesn’t affect you, so you shouldn’t care.

Avengers Preferences: Pregnancy

*Please bear with me I’ve never done this before!*

Disclaimer: Please don’t take this and then go get pregnant! (lol as if). Wait until you’ve married someone and settled down! Be prepared! You know how to stay safe kids! And these are NOT my images!

Tony:

He would treat you like a queen and would not let you go anywhere. He’d be frantically reading books on parenting. You’d have to assure him that he would be a good parent constantly because he thinks that he’s not good enough. He wants a new start with the baby and wants to make sure it doesn’t turn out like him. He’ll be the best father who is constantly around because he doesn’t want his child to experience the same pain as him. 

Steve:

Oh gosh Steve would be so stressed out. He’d run around making sure you had all your cravings satisfied and the everything was perfect. He’d read every book about how to help the baby and do the craziest things. He played all kinds of music to see if the baby would kick. If the baby didn’t kick for a long time he’d freak and try to take you to the doctor to make sure it’s ok. “Steve I’m Fine.” “No we have to check! Who knows!” “STEVE!” It’d be super cute to see flustered Steve running around.

Thor:

He’d be so proud and would take you out everywhere and yell in his booming voice, “LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE! SEH’S CARRYING A MINI ME WOW ISN’T THAT AMAZING!” And you’d just be there, red as a tomato, trying to hide. He’d take you up to Asgard so that you would get the best of care. He never left your side. He loved watching the progress of your stomach size. He was also 100% that annoying couple who took photos every week to show progress! 

Clint:

He’d be used to the process and wasn’t fazed at all when you had told him that you were pregnant with your 2nd child. He already had everything for you and was super chill. He loved to explain everything to your younger child. “Look mummy’s gonna have a sibling for you!” It would be so cute…

Bruce:

He would best gentle around you and it’d be so sweet. He’d have had help from the doctors (there is a way) and he’d be ecstatic! He’d constant;y be worrying if the baby would be normal or like him and you’d constantly reassure him that it didn’t matter, it would be loved just as much either way. He’d never get any sleep because he was ready all the books about it! (I ran out of ideas for Bruce ok)

Bucky: He would be so worried about his child and hurting it or you with his arm but you were always there to reassure him. He’d make lists for all the things he needs to buy for the baby and would be overjoyed at the new family member!

Sam: He’d never leave your side. EVER. He’d even lay with you in the hospital bed, there for moral support as you birthed your beautiful baby. He whispered sweet things to your belly all the time and he was so prepared for the baby. You’d never seen Sam so giddy and jumpy.

Pietro:

I’m lazy and haven’t done him yet!

Peter P:

No children for Parker at that age!

T’challa:

He would treat you like his QUEEN. He’d make sure you get the best possible care and he’d draw cute little designs on your stomach. He traced the designs methodically throughout the day which you loved, and so did the baby as sometimes it would kick when he did that. He’d be so gentle and calm around you. He’d buy and decorate a room for the baby with you. He’d be so excited, especially during the gender reveal!

“Why does this hurt so fucking much?” She questioned,

He shrugged, “maybe because you kept torturing yourself, thinking he was coming back. You held onto the tiniest piece of hope that one day, one day he’d decide he loves you again. I think it hurts because you spent so long holding onto the idea of him and now you have to let go.”

—  New beginnings //
Excerpt of a book I’ll never write
Neither you or Namjoon has time for one another  pt.5END

[pt.1] [pt.2] [pt.3] [pt.4] [pt.5]END

Originally posted by meanyoongis

Y/N’s p.o.v

It was late, and I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been thinking about him nonstop, as if he was the only person I knew how to think about - which right now seems to be the case. I’ve been lying here for hours now, thinking over and over again how stupid all this was. After what he said, I cried. Buckets and buckets of tears. He hasn’t responded to my messages that I sent to him a couple of hours ago, he’s probably busy, like he always is or maybe he just doesn’t want to reply. I guess I really was a regret to him. 


My doorbell rang and I groaned, not wanting to move from my bed but I knew I had to. I ordered chicken and beer to try and drown my unhappiness away and I had to go pay. I grabbed my wallet, shoved on a hoodie putting the hood over my head to hide my ridiculously puffy red eyes and opened the door. I kept my head down as the person who stood before me stretched out his hand and dangled the plastic bag of food in front of me. 

“How much is it?” My voice cracked. I swallowed hard and rummaged through my purse readying myself.

“It’s on me.” That voice - I could recognise it from anywhere. I didn’t want to lift my head, I froze and stood there not moving until I decided to take a step back wanting to close the door. But of course I couldn’t hold him off, did I even want to?

“Y/N, please.” I dropped my hands from pushing the door and took a step back. He walked in and closed the door behind him. “Y/N, why won’t you look at me?” I felt his hand underneath my chin, ready to direct my face towards his direction but I shook him off. I didn’t want him to see me, especially not like this. I looked like a train wreck, I hadn’t seen him in so long and I didn’t want to be looking this way when he saw me. I didn’t want him to see how much I was suffering because he told me what he did. 

He placed the bag on the ground and took a step towards me, but I only took a step back. This process continued until my back was pressed against the wall. His right hand by the side of my head, his left inching it’s way closer towards my face until he placed it on my cheek.

“Y/N, look at me.” I hesitantly looked up at him, his eyes searching mine as if he was looking for some kind of answer, answers I probably couldn’t provide. His thumb, swiping my cheek - doing so made me realise that I was crying again. “Why are you crying?” His voice calm and soothing to my ears. But I couldn’t help let more tears fall, as if the answer wasn’t already obvious.

“Because, you don’t love me anymore.” I sounded so pathetic, why is it that I need a man in my life in order for me to gain happiness? But Namjoon wasn’t just any man. He’s someone I grew to love more and more each day throughout our six years of being together. I’ve never known to love anyone else. I’ve always only loved him, and to have someone I love so dearly regret even asking me to be theirs in the first place has put me on another level of low. 

“But I do.” Our eye contact didn’t break once. I used to be able to read him like a book, but right now I had no idea. I didn’t want to believe his words, because I was afraid to but at the same time I wanted to trust him again and know what he’s saying is the absolute truth. 

“I don’t know if I can believe you, no matter how much I want to.” 

“Why won’t you believe me?” I could feel his breath against my skin, his breathing got heavier and the tone of his voice lowered.

“Is that really a question Namjoon? I don’t think you quite understand how I’m feeling right now.” 

“But I do!” He fought back. I shook my head in disagreement.

“How could you possibly know how it feels to be told that you’re a regret by someone you love?” 

“I didn’t mean it, I feel guilty about it because I never should have said those things. It was a mistake.”

“One mistake after another, how do you expect me to believe you?” 

“Because you love me and I believe in you to trust me.” 

“Am I easy to you? Is that why you asked me to be your girlfriend to begin with?”

“No of course not, don’t be ridiculous. It wasn’t a mistake for asking you to be mine. I’ve had the best six years of my life being with you and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.” I could feel more tears falling, my heart ached seeing him. His hand didn’t leave my face, I honestly wanted to wrap my arms around him and cry into his chest but I couldn’t move.

“You know Namjoon, not being able to see one another as often as we used to really opened up my eyes.” He swallowed hard, anticipating what I’m about say next. “It made me realise how much I love and miss you every time you’re not around, it made me cherish the time that we have together more.” His eyes gleamed, hearing the positivity. 

“But I feel like I was feeling those things alone.” After I had said that, his whole face dropped. “Whenever we got the time to be next to one another, you’d still be on your phone or laptop doing work, and when I’d ask what you’re doing your reply would always be something along the lines of ‘you wouldn’t understand even if I told you’, I felt so excluded, like my presence didn’t even matter.” 

“You always held a book in front of your face when I was around, so how different are we really?” 

“What else was I supposed to do? And your love for literature is the same as mine, it’s an interest the both of us shared. Something we both enjoyed. Don’t you remember how we spent our first couple of dates as a couple?”

“We sat in the corner of a library, exchanged our favourite novels and we’d sit with a coffee whilst reading. Occasionally we’d look up and smile at one another. Sometimes I’d watch you read, and see your facials change depending on which part of the book you’re reading.” He remembered clearly.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to relive those dates. Every time I asked to meet at the library, you’d push away the idea and suggest we hung out here, that way you could access your work. I missed the old us. I know I’ve been studying a lot lately and haven’t been able to make time either so we’re both at fault. Thinking about it more clearly, maybe we’re not meant to be.” It pained me say that, but I didn’t want to be his distraction. 

“But we are meant to be, we’ve been together for six years Y/N we can’t just throw it away as if it never happened.” 

“I wasn’t the one who threw it away though Namjoon. I wasn’t the one who wanted to break up. I honestly would have never wanted that.”

“Baby I’m sorry. Please give me another chance? We’ll bring back the old times hmm? I can’t be without you Y/N, you’re my everything. I always worked best around you, that’s why I always did it - and I’m sorry it made you think that I was neglecting you, but I wasn’t. It’s because I feel at peace, like I’m at home when I’m with you.” 

“I asked you if you’d regret breaking up with me Namjoon, I-”

“I regret it, that’s my biggest regret. Not having you around anymore is my worst fear.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want or need to be hurt again.”

“Of course I’m sure! Baby I swear I’ll make it up to you, I’m sorry for the things that I’ve said, and I know it’d be selfish of me to ask you to erase those things that I’ve said to you, but princess please just forget those words.” 

I couldn’t and didn’t want to lose him. I loved him too much to let this all go. His eyes showed desperation and that was enough for me to confirm his feelings. A smile crept onto my lips.

“God Y/N, you’re so beautiful. I’m so lucky, you know that right?” I couldn’t help but smile. I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest only to have him place his hands on my shoulders and push me away. I pouted like a little kid and he smiled. 

“I love you.” He said as he pressed him lips against my head.


And that concludes ‘Neither you or Namjoon have time for one another.’

Thanks for reading!