yo,, hit me up with them sweet sweet jared x reader headcanons
u asked for it BETCh i love my meme boy
(these aren’t laid out like normal headcanons i know but i’m not even sure if they are headcanons?? they’re kinda just big chunky paragraphs what i think dating jared is like,, also i’m p sure all the readers pronouns are gender neutral ! correct me if i’m wrong :) )
If you could only have one of the boys be your best friend who would you choose and why?
I will have ALL of them as my BFFF and here’s why…
I’m saying Louis first because he’s basically an alternate universe version of myself and that piece of information is needed for context. We’d probably run around like ADHD-raddled drunk puppies then get high and go bust a move on a dance floor all night like
I think at the end of the day I relate to Lewis the most because he’s kind, he’s smart, he’s important, but mostly also because
Because he’s basically an alternate universe version of Choe (aka @vocabularryonthemind ) just don’t remind her of that fact she gets mad as hell.
But when I do dumb shit like this
she’s probably the
most likely to be there with me like
She is very wise and smart and funny and sends me lots of pictures of her dog so what else could you ask for in a BFF? Also we’ve never made any small talk in our lives. When we met it was like, “Right. Straight to business. WTF is up with Plato’s theory about soulmates? What even would a person with two legs and two arms look like?” To which she answered, “A cow.” So yah. We friennnnnds.
Because he’s basically
an alternate universe
version of @mellygrant who is the responsible one but also funny as all hell and my Business Hoe partner in crime. I don’t let her get too serious and she doesn’t let me get too ridiculous so we’re like the ying and yang of BFFs.
Here’s actual footage of her and Choe together:
Because he’s basically
an alternate universe
version of @nautilarrie, who sends me the best snapchat films I’ve ever seen. And yes I mean snapchat FILMS. She filmed an entire goddamn music video to Bruno Mars’ “24k Magic” on Snapchat and edited that shit together to make one glorious video and if that isn’t the most Noll thing than I don’t know what is. But also she’s very smart and wise and if Gemma was in 1D she’d be Gemma, but she’s not so Big Al gets to be Noll.
Also she works in the potato industry.
Because he’s basically an alternate universe version of…jk there’s only one Zayn. And I love this silly betch. I want Zayn to be my best friend but I also need him to reinforce his treehouse that he built himself with an actual foundation made by someone who isn’t Zayn. Then I’ll happily go to his bar in the sky.
I listen to Mind of Mine in its entirety at least once a week and constantly hear new lyrics that I’m like, “Did he jus-” …he is such an amazing artist and whilst I miss OT5 they can all stay on hiatus as long as they want if we’re getting 5 albums as good as Mind of Mine.
(No but really they need to come back I need more sweet OT5 harmonies in my vida loca.)
Anyway sorry for not following the rules and parameters of your ask but anons don’t control me. Not anymore.
POLLY AND JASON AND BETTY AND CHERYL ARE ALL FUCKING BLOSSOMS OH MY GOD THIS IS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT OMFG IM SHOOK LMAO EW MRS BLOSSOM “NOTHING COULD BE MORE PURELY BLOSSOM” EW DEADASS HAHAHAHA AND YAS BETTY U FUCKING TELL HER YAS BETCH AND UGH I LOVE ALICE COOPER
YE BOI so ya girl attended the Seventeen Shining Diamonds Tour in Auckland on the 30th of August (so roughly 3 days ago??) and basically I’m still so starstruck by the whole event and felt the need to share my .. interesting (actually more embarrassing) hi-touch experience with you all. (not in exact order but its how I remember it)
okay buckle up folks B)
Hoshi: (My precious lil jellybean AW) He was first in line !! If I had to put into words how I reacted, I would say bOI I WAS DAMN SHOOK BECAUSE BEFORE I KNEW IT I WAS ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE I TRIPPED THE H*CK UP
okay but nah, I’m usually pretty calm and well coordinated in social situations but the minute I looked at him I was working up a sweat,, it was too much for me, I’m talking about that Seventeen Aju Nice™ type of shook rip me. Poor fella who’d just came to have a good time looked a little confused though and was quick to ask if I was okay (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) so I pulled my shit together and finally gave my greetings and my thanks probably looking like a chubby little tomato lmao great start Turama #winning Oh, and for those of you who’re wondering yes his hamster cheeks are the best thing ever go meet him please
Joshua: All I can say is that he is about 1739058271 times more beautiful in real life but it doesn’t stop there he is so sweet and polite and warm and welcoming like tbh u Jisoo stans are real troopers man I felt like this boy was a siren luring me to my death (he was my original bias along with naega hosh tehe) but otherwise my interaction with him was almost surreal. He has one of those really comforting voices, like even when he was MC'ing I was just so at peace and smiling the whole time really I lov u MC Hong
Woozi: MY LIL WOOJI EEEEEEEE he looked rather exhausted in my opinion (so did Vernon aw) and probably just wanted to go and get some rest by the time I’d reached him (I was at the very back of the Hi-touch queue) but despite all that he was polite and smiled at me and I thanked him and bowed what even was I doing someone hit me (edit: bowing is not a common gesture in New Zealand so I felt a little awkward and you could probably see that in my sorry attempt to be respectful lmfao)
Mingyu: This gigantic nerd was still laughing at my trip to Hoshi’s feet and if it wasn’t for my love for him I might’ve squared up w/dis betch (just kidding I’m 5'4/5" lmfao) but he is honestly just!! a!! big!! huge!! puppy!! he was v bubbly and v happy however I almost broke my damn neck having to look up at him rip. Different story watching him on stage though >_> got me feeling things I aint’ felt before you’re a real switcher upper Kim Mingyu watch urself
Wonwoo: Oh my goodness for some reason I was really nervous meeting him !! He is actually so handsome, like r e a l l y handsome, had to stop and have a break, take five, sip on some water,, like damn boi you are a masterpiece. He was very sweet and quiet, he nodded in response to my thanks and I just smiled so big. So happy to have met him, he really is one of a kind.
Seungkwan: MAN HE JUST STRAIGHT ROASTED ME kind of I GOT UP TO HIM, REACHED OUT TO GRAB HIS HAND AND SAY THANK YOU AND HE KINDA JUST “….your voice ?!” with this sort of “girl wtf were u doing out there” face and I had no idea how to reply and all that came out was “it’s gone” and he just laughed. Honestly Boo, your charisma always has me swooning- even if it’s you laughing at me because I used the last of my voice screaming for you and the boys and greeted you sounding like a 50 yr old chain smoker, I would gladly subject myself to that kind of humiliation for u (just kidding, you’ll catch me at the next fanmeet with classic carat style clapback boi, I’m the sass monster you’d rival in another life)
Vernon: If Vernon was an emoji he’d be a 😎. Literally, the most chill guy I’ve ever met. No nerves, no stuttering, no falling over, just good vibes. He emits the most relaxed and cool-me-down type energy !! (anD HE HAS THE MOST SOFTEST HANDS OH MY GOODNESS) Despite him looking quite exhausted and spacy he was just chill af. Very sweet and really nice, till next time memesol 😎 shaka brahhhhh
Dino: OH MY GOSH MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE SUNFLOWER CHILD he was so so sweet and just made me fangirl so hard !! He’s the high school prince of my life like damn he is just too cute for words. He was very bright and energetic and greeting and thanking him added 10 years to my life span no lies had to suck it up and try not to cry goodness me y'all need to quit sleeping on this boy, he’s gonna make it big in this day&age with the rate his visuals and talent is growing at. Got ur back Chan~
Dokyeom: I was centring myself trying to get a grip of reality when I’m suddenly greeted with the most godly smile and a big loud “HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!” ahahahahahaaha awwwww I die every time just thinking about how adorable he was. DK honestly made my life so much more brighter, the atmosphere was just alive with happiness upon meeting him I would seriously cross oceans to be in the presence of that kind of energy again. 10/10 would hold hands with this boy 👌 good shit
S.coups: BOIIIIIIIIII I. AM. STILL. IN. SHOCK. You know the feeling when you’ve had a really rough day and someone wraps their arms around you and it’s just warm and safe and you feel so vulnerable and small pressed up against them ?????????????????????????????? Seungcheol managed to embody that entire feeling in the matter of seconds, I got the full package, the firm but gentle hand holding, the heart-melting smile, the dimples, the giggle because I reached out with both hands to try and support my body before I caved in, he was so so sweet and thanked me and just HOH 😍 he is my bias wrecker FOR. SURE.
OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY OKA Y OKAY ARE YALL READY CAUSE NEXT UP IS YA BOI YOON SEXY AND I AM 👌THIS CLOSE TO DYING AGAIN
Jeonghan: Okay Okay Right, So I’m still recovering from falling head over heals for S.coups so I’ve busted a lip, I’m a little beaten up, a bit shook, ready to cry, then I remember that I’ve still got one more member to greet before it’s over and I look up and he’s already looking at me. The man of my dreams, the light of my life, my moon and my stars, my ultimate bias. I kinda stopped in my tracks and just felt myself welling up because really, I’m a sensitive lil crybaby who gets chest pains just by listening to his voice. It took me right up until he reached out and said hello to even internalise and follow up on the situation. I grabbed his hand and immediately the tears were coming out in steady streams happiness and disbelief. It wasn’t too embarrassing meeting him, he’s everything I’ve ever loved about him. From the shit-eating grin and deep eyes right down to his double jointed fingers and long legs, I quickly interlocked my hand with his because why not and thanked him before looking up again and smiling. Ran out and wept like a child for a good ten minutes afterwards lmfao
Unfortunately, Jun and The8 weren’t there so I was really super sad that we couldn’t see them and say hi. I imagine they’re in good spirits though having participated in such a life changing tour for us international fans, so that’s about it for my Hi-touch experience !! I know, it was a long read, but I thought I’d chuck my two cents in for those who might not have met them or plan to meet them in the near future.
Rose is pretty basique, that's for sure. OKAY UM...I don't wanna fall back on fuck marry kill because that's just like, IDK so uninspired. BUT FUCK MARRY KILL: Erwin's ARM that got like, bitten off, (JUST TO BE CLEAR, you JUST THE ARM), Levi, but right before he comes he yells SHAZAAAAM, or Eren, but his head can turn around 360 degrees like an OWL.
Anonny poo, we can be basique together.
Alright here goes Fuck: Levi…omg…As long as he doesn’t turn into the superhero Shazam, I think I can handle it. Marry:
Eren. I CAN DO EVERYTHING WITH HIM AND IDC! IT’S EREN AND HE’S MY BAE AND, FUCK, I CAN CLOSE MY EYES WHEN WE FUCK CAN’T I?!?! Kill: Sorry but Erwin’s arm has got to go. I’m not doing ANYTHING with that severed arm.