I wasn’t sure who had actually set it up. One of the Involved freshmen probably: knew enough to make the knife iron, still stupid enough to make a fucking Roomba with a knife taped onto it a reality.
“OW, FUCK,” yelled Mach, yanking his feet up onto the picnic table’s bench and gripping his left leg. “Something just sliced my ankle, what the hell.” Sure enough, when he removed his hand, it was smeared with blood and there was a neat slice just above where the bone jutted out.
“Is that… Is that what I think it is?” asked Peppermint, pointing to something gliding its way out from under our table. My face went completely blank in shock before I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Please tell me that someone did not make Stabby the Roomba a thing?”
“No can do,” said Peppermint, staring in a sort of horrified fascination after the small, round, knife-weilding vacuum cleaner.
“Oh look, it got Goldfinger,” Mach said almost dazedly as another student yelped and hopped around, clutching their ankle.
“…I don’t have the energy to deal with this,” I decided, turning back to my notes, which I was studying for an exam. My friends murmured agreement and resumed studying as well, though I noticed we all sat with our legs tucked up under us on the bench.
It wasn’t until we heard the wail that sounded like seven off-key violins all being sawed at by toddlers that we looked back up at each other, eyes wide.
“You don’t think-” Mach started, but he was cut off by another unearthly roar, this time like the sound of an avalanche hitting a wind chime factory.
“Time to go inside!” I said, hastily shoving my things in my bag as Mach and Peppermint were already sprinting for Peppermint’s dorm. “It’ll run out of battery eventually, right?” I asked as we slammed the door behind us.
I should have known better that to expect the exepected at EU; it did not run out of battery and no one ever seemed to be able to get close enough to just turn the damn thing off. For my four remaining months at EU, my sleep was interrupted by howls that came from mouths I didn’t want to imagine and chain mail leg warmers really came into fashion.
Last night I dreamt that I fell asleep with my binder on because I could feel something pressing against my chest but when I woke up it was just our neighbor’s fatass cat who snuck through my open window and was laying on me
Not enough time to do a proper display to show off my Slytherin pride, so some green here and there will have to do 💚. What do you think of my To Do List? I have 53 hours to do it all, achievable?
By the way… if I start my 100 Days of Productivity so that the last day fits in with my exams then it means I’ll have to start it on a Tuesday, which will drive my OCD crazy. But if I start it on Monday, I’ll be out of sync with exams! First world problems much… Any advice?