i love that troy really does sincerely think about these things

So I have been marathoning a LOT of Midsomer Murders recently (it’s good when you have insomnia), so here are some of my miscellaneous observations/opinions:

1. As a negative: it’s all very very white.  The later seasons seem to be making a sincere effort in improving diversity and representation, but they’ve still got a ways to go.  They’ve also never had a woman as either the lead detective or as one of the Detective Sergeants, which I nickname “the Robins” because they’re all dark haired, vaguely interchangeable young male sidekicks.

1b.  There are some differences: Troy is an earnest idiot, Scott is kind of a dick, Jones is competent, Nelson’s kind of like a terrier, and I don’t have a good read on Winter yet.  He seems a little uptight.  I suppose if you think about it, that does track pretty hilariously with Dick, Jason, Tim, Stephanie and Damian.  I don’t think Winter is either Barnaby’s literal son though.

1c.  Really though, the next Robin really should be a woman.  Ideally, a woman of color.

2.  They do seem to have made an effort to include LGBT+ representation.  However, the execution is a bit spotty, especially in early episodes.  And they seem to be a little over reliant on the promiscuous bisexual trope.  

3.  I do like when they have Tom Barnaby explicitly call out Troy’s (Robin #1) homophobia though.  “You are less politically correct than a Nuremburg rally” is still a great line.

4.  It is remarkably refreshing to see a detective/mystery show in which the main character(s) have healthy marriages, good relationships with their children (to be fair, Betty is a baby), and generally are nice, competent, functional people.

4b.  They even seem to like their wives and enjoy their company.  

5.  Even the Robins, despite being single young men with no immediate families until they’re spiritually adopted by the Barnabys, seem to be remarkably well adjusted.

6.  At no point do the Barnabys or their Robins ever Take This Case Personal.  Even when the case involves their friends, they still do their damn jobs.

6b.  There was one episode where Jones (Robin #3) seemed close to Taking This Case Personally, out of guilt because he gave the murder victim the brush off pre-murder, but Tom Barnaby has this lovely little exchange with him that goes something like “What is this case about?”  “The murderer.”  “What is it not about?”  “Us.”

7.  Both Barnabys are a little too happy to forgo search warrants, but I don’t know enough about British law to know exactly how close to the line they’re skirting.

8.  Many other people have made this same joke, but it is AMAZING that Midsomer has any people left alive.  Real estate must be remarkably cheap.

9.  There also seems to be a LOT of incest on this show.  To the point where I side-eye any sibling set as soon as they’re introduced.

10.  There don’t seem to be any rape/sexual assault plots.  Or at least not in the episodes I’ve seen.  There is, of course, the incest, but it’s presented as consensual (at least as consensual as incest can be given power dynamics) and/or unwitting.

11.   There is however a murder that involves a wheel of cheese.  And at one point, there’s a chase scene involving a tractor.

12.  It is pretty hilarious that every time poor Joyce Barnaby gets a hobby someone dies.  And since this is Midsomer, that woman has a crazy amount of hobbies.

13.  Ben Jones (Robin #3) comes close to having a similarly insane amount of hobbies.  His tend to be more tangential to the plot though.  Like Joyce will join a club and someone will die.  Whereas Jones tends to just come up with some relevant hobby related info or use a relevant skill at some useful time in the investigation.  

13b.  It’s still equally contrived though, as there is a string of episodes in a row, where it’s like: this murder is on a golf course and relates to golf…Jones plays golf and explains the terminology to Barnaby.  This next murder involves a couple of paintings, in which key clues are found in the pigs and the way one of the figures casts his line to fish.  Jones happens to be a fisherman who recognizes the cast.  (He also recognizes the pigs.).  The NEXT episode involves a cricket game.  And of course Jones plays cricket.

The dude also salsa dances, sings operatic tenor, vaults fences like a gymnast, and is a former Mason.

I mean, I appreciate that the writers have finally figured out that Barnaby’s sidekick doesn’t need to be an idiot in order to showcase how smart Barnaby is, but there’s a such thing as overcompensation.  It’s a little ridiculous.

I haven’t seen all the Jones episodes, so I’m predicting an episode involving murder by hot air balloon and Jones reveals that he has been an aeronaut for years.

13c.  Tangentially, it’s during Jones’s run that the show writers apparently learned about the concept of “fan service” and went, okay, we’re going to try this for one episode.  They do this by having Jones grow a beard and wear hipster glasses (which, to be fair, really worked for him), infiltrate a cult which has free love as one of their tenets so the poor guy is propositioned constantly, and top it off there was a gratuitous naked shower scene.

I’m not complaining, mind you.  It’s just really funny.

13d.  I may be on a lowkey hunt for any and all John Barnaby (Barnaby 2.0)/Sarah Barnaby/Ben Jones threesome fic.  I don’t feel remotely guilty about this, since this Barnaby is only about nine years older than Jones.  Also, the power dynamic elements are mostly mitigated since Jones has Nightwinged up and flown the bat cave.  I may be mixing my metaphors even as I mix up my Robins.  That said, Jones is totally the sort to insist on saying “sir” in bed.

14.  There is a lot of tawdry sex everywhere in this series.  On the novel side, quite a bit of the tawdry sex involves actual old people.  As it turns out, scandalous behavior doesn’t just fizzle when you turn fifty-five or so.

15.  I want to write a crossover where Jessica Fletcher is Tom Barnaby’s mom.  

16.  Winter does seem to break the trend where to be a sidekick of the Barnabys you have to be either an idiot or Welsh.  

17.  If you live in the British Countryside, avoid any festivals, folk music concerts, historical reenactments, fundraisers, or development projects, or you will die.

18.  Also, try not to be a vicar.  Because you are likely to be evil or die.

19.  Try not to have any secrets, because you will be blackmailed, and either you or the blackmailer will die.

20.  Also, if you have an illegitimate child with your brother, and go off on the run, you should probably tell your son about his extended family before he goes off and accidentally bangs his aunt.

He Gets Your Best Friend Pregnant - Part 3 (5sos 4/4)

Request: So I’ve received a few requests for a part three of the He Gets Your BFF Pregnant, so here it is. I’m really happy knowing you guys liked part one so much that you wanted more parts to it. So here’s part three! xx

———————————————————

Ashton:

It’s a day where you and Ashton are actually spending the day together; just the two of you. Alexis is spending the day at her parents, so it means the two of you can just sit and relax. Except you’ve got one thing on your mind and you can’t help but let it out.

“Ashton…” You say, with your head resting on his chest as you lie watching cartoons on TV.

“Yes, babe?” He mumbles

“Do you think Alexis has feelings for you?” You ask

He doesn’t say anything to begin with, which worries you. But then he sits up and looks you in the eyes, “No…no! Why would she? We were just a fling”

“Well so you say. She never told me you were just a fling…she just said you two had been sleeping together…” You continue

He nods his head sarcastically, “Err yeah, that’s what a fling is”

“No, but what if she was only saying that to try and get me to turn you down or stand you up because she thought it was something more than just a fling” You suggest

Ashton rolls his eyes and you can tell you’ve pissed him off, “It was just a fling. She knew that. I knew that. You know that. Or I thought you did. You’ve been so paranoid lately, what’s up?”

You shrug, “Can you blame me? My best friend’s pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby, what else do you expect me to be?”

He tuts, stands up, and walks into the kitchen. You follow him.

“It really irritates me, because I’ve been trying to tell you how much I love you, even in front of Alexis, yet you still can’t seem to believe me. Can you not trust me or something?” He says, scratching the back of his neck.

“Of course I trust you. Maybes it’s her I don’t trust, I don’t know. Maybes I’m just a bit too paranoid and insecure, I’m sorry can we forget about this please”

He shrugs his shoulders, “This is never going to work if you’re this paranoid all the time. You do realise that I’d have to chose my baby over you if I ended up having to choose between being a boyfriend and the responsibility of being a father”

You look up at him and nod, “Yeah, I realise that”

“So what are you gonna do? Do you think you’ll be able to cope with all of this?”

Michael:

“So you and Kelsey just aren’t speaking?” Michael asks you as he takes a bite of his pizza.

You nod, “She didn’t understand why it hurt me so much. And then she basically just told me how we were never gonna get together because I’m useless or something”

Michael rolls his eyes, “Well that’s obviously not true. And I can’t tell you how sorry I actually am. It takes two, so don’t just take it out on her. Just because you like me, it doesn’t mean you should lose a friend because of it”

You shake your head, “You’ve apologised sincerely, and I guess I can get over it that way. She just insisted she hadn’t done anything wrong and she only apologised because she felt she had to”

Michael sighs, “If you say so. It’s just sad because you two were such good friends. She was planning something really special for you, actually”

You furrow your eyebrows, “Like what? She’s having triplets?”

Michael chokes on his food from laughing so much, “No! Oh my god! Like something really special”

“Don’t leave me hanging, Clifford. Spill the beans” You encourage

He sighs, “She was going to buy you tickets to see your favourite band”

“What? All Time Low?” You question

He nods, “Sure was. She was gonna get you two tickets. One for you, one for me. It would have been our first date. That’s what we discussed the night we, you know”

You look him directly in the eyes, “Maybes, I’ve been a bit too hard on her…”

Calum:

“Hi” Calum says awkwardly

“Hi…Can I come in?” You ask

He smiles, “Yeah, of course, sorry”

He moves out the way of the door, and you walk in. He leads you into the living room and gestures for you to sit down. He sits down next to you.

“So, how have things been?” He asks

You shrug, “Okay, I guess. Sounds like you’ve had the hardest time. I’m so sorry to hear about Madison’s baby, I really am”

He looks to the floor, “It’s okay…well…it’s not okay as such…it’s just…”

“Complicated” The two of you say in unison.

You look up at each other and giggle. You used to do that all the time. When you were, you know, together.

“So, err…” Calum begins “What is it you needed to tell me?”

“I…I don’t know how to tell you this…it might be an insensitive thing to say…I’m sorry, I should just go” You stutter, standing up.

He takes you by the hand, “No, please. Stay. If it was important enough for you to text me, then it’s important you tell me now”

You sit back down and bite your lip, “I’m pregnant”

His eyes widen, “You’re…you’re pregnant”

You nod, “I know it seems insensitive, that’s because it is. Please don’t think I’m lying. I found out the week I left you”

He furrows his eyebrows, “So why didn’t you tell me?”

You sigh, “Because I was so pissed off with you Calum. I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want anything to do with you. But now I’ve realised that that’s not fair. I’m so sorry if you’re mad at me Calum, I totally understand if you wanted me to leave”

He shakes his head, “No, no, it’s okay, I’m not mad. I’m just confused. I’ve lost one baby but gained another. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad, you know”

You nod, “I don’t want you to think you have to be happy for me. You’re still in grieving, and I totally get that”

He smiles, “Thanks.”

You breath in heavily, as you enter an awkward silently.

“Listen (Y/N)…I feel really bad about everything. I’ve been wanting you back for a while now but I always thought we’d never stand another chance. But maybes this is fate. Maybes it was meant to be us together all along. I don’t know, this might sound crazy, but maybes we could give it another go?” Calum eventually speaks up.

“I don’t know” You begin “It does seem weird that this has happened. But I can’t help but think you’re only saying that because of the baby. And I still don’t know if I’d be able to trust you…”

He nods, “This month without you has been the hardest in my life. I never wanna lose you again. I would never do anything to hurt you again. Please, just give me one more chance”

You sigh, “Can we at least just wait and see what happens? I don’t want to rush into anything…”

He nods, “Yeah, yeah, sure. As long as you’re back in my life, that’s all that matters”

Luke:

“And you’re sure you’re not mad at me for not going through with the abortion?” Lydia asks

You nod, “Honestly Lydia, it’s fine. Like you said, you don’t love Luke the way I do and he doesn’t love you the way he loves me. It’s fine”

You hear Lydia give a sigh of relief on the other side of the phone, “How are things with you two anyway?”

You bite your lip with excitement, “Really well! He came to mine last night and it was just like old times!”

“That’s really great (Y/N)! I’m so happy for you! I’ve been rooting for the two of you!” She cheers

“Thanks babe! Anyway, I’m going to Luke’s so I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, have fun!”

You hang up and check your appearance. You have to look perfect.

****

“I didn’t expect to see you here!” Liz exclaims “Are you here to shout at Luke for getting Lydia pregnant?”

You shake your head, “No, of course not!”

“Good, because you two cant afford any arguments. You need to sort this out” She laughs, hugging you.

“Yeah, sort it out” Andy chimes in happily

You laugh awkwardly. You love Luke’s parents, and you’re glad the feeling is obviously mutual.

“Guys, stop embarrassing my girlfriend” Luke says, coming down the stairs.

Liz and Andy turn to look at each other, “Did he just say…?”

“YOU’RE BACK TOGETHER!!” They shout at the same time

You and Luke both blush while Luke hushes them.

“Ssh, guys! Calm down”

“How can we stay calm when our favourite couple are back together? It’s like watching High School Musical Two when Gabriella comes back for Troy!”

You and Luke burst out laughing, “Oh my god!”

“As long as I’m Troy, that’s fine!” Luke smirks

You tut, “No fair, I wanna be Troy!”

Everyone laughs a bit more at that. Luke then whisks you off to his bedroom, where the two of you cuddle and talk about the future, “I’m so looking forward to spending my life with you” he says as he kisses you on the forehead.

****

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 4

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