i love that shiny new toy feeling

Baby Siegbert

I was having a lot of feelings about this kiddo so please imagine with me: 

  • Siegbert as World’s Most Concerned Baby
  • Always has that line between his eyebrows like his daddy.
  • Learning to crawl? Game face. Learning to walk? Game face. Figuring out a new toy? Game face. When does this boy ever smile. 
  • But he’s not unhappy or fussy! Just concentrating So Hard Always.
  • Very Princely with his tiny baby cravat and his little buttoned booties.
  • When he cries it’s more like thin hiccups. He never screams. 
  • His hair keeps changing texture; one month curly; one month straight
  • EXTREMELY SNUGGLY

  • Siegbert Loves: 
    • gentle dogs, cats, horses 
    • shiny things (he is Upsetti that he’s not allowed to play with Siegfried)
    • stuffed animals and blankets
    • Aunt Camilla
    • When mommy and daddy pick him up for no reason
    • Dairy foods
    • When people read him books
    • Answering/interacting/tests. (”Siegbert, wave goodbye!” “Siegbert, what does the cow say?” “Siegbert, point to the red one!”)  

  • Siegbert is Concerned by: 
    • Peek-a-boo (WHERE DID THEY GO????) 
    • The potty
    • Loud noises
    • Things that are asymmetrical
    • Being on Daddy’s shoulders (too high!!) 
    • New vegetables

  • Things That Make Most Babies Cry, But Not Siegbert:
    • Falling down and getting scrapes
    • Being told “no” (usually) 
    • Needing to burp (he just looks extra perturbed) 
    • Being sick (he goes completely listless and it’s sad and awful)

  • Things That Make Siegbert Cry:
    • When Mommy is agitated (he can tell) 
    • When he needs cuddles Immediately 
    • When he gets frustrated and can’t do something/make the words
    • When big dogs knock him over and lick him (this is a good cry) 
    • Where Is Daddy
Hero: Prologue (M)

Author’s Note: This is literally my first ever foray into the fan-fiction side of this fandom. It’s been quite exciting!  Song for this chapter: Dozo (Guns For Hire Mix) - Puscifer

Genre: Vampire!Chanyeol AU; suspense; thriller; romance; eventual smut

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader (oc; female)

Synopsis: The sire of one of the largest, most powerful covens and a human woman find themselves forced to trust one another as they attempt to survive an impending outbreak of war.

Rating: M - mature 

Warnings (this chapter): graphic violence; swearing; references to drug/blood trafficking

Word Count (this chapter): 1.4K

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |

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1. What. The. Hell. Was. That.

2. Why the fuck would you tell me you loved me when you didn’t mean it? You don’t understand how badly that messed me up

3. I’m glad you left because you need professional help, more than I could ever provide

4. Stop torturing me with your subtle references to our ugly past and your wonderful present (without me) and your seemingly bright future (also without me)

5. I feel numb and it’s your fault

6. I don’t know if you’re purposely trying to light me on fire or if you actually have no idea how pissed off you’re making me

7. I’m not jealous of your shiny new toy, have fun with her. She’ll probably give you exactly what you want, hope her price was cheap

8. Hey did you know I’ve been writing about you?

9. I listened to our song today and god my chest tightened with every note and my eyes burned like coals but I thanked hell for finally letting me feel something besides numbness for the first time in months

10. We’re still weird we’re still weird we’re still weird why why why why why

11. Do you ever miss me or am I just blindly hoping that you do? I wish I could read your mind. It seems to be written in Braille and I can’t fucking touch you to figure it out

12. I needed you and you left me and I know I told you that I was fine and that I wasn’t even sad about it but that was a total lie. You’re not the only one that’s good at spitting them out

13. Were you jealous when you saw me with him? Because you had no right to be

14. I thought I was okay being friends with you but all I ever want to do is either kiss you on the mouth or punch you in the same place

15. Maybe I still have feelings for you but I don’t know what they are. Do you?

— 

15 messages I almost sent

By thoseconstellations

Hold My Calls - Harry Styles Smut

Your POV:

You’re fingernails tapped against the dark hardwood desk that was in front of you. You’d landed a job at the top book publishing company in Florida. You’d recently moved down there, a surprise apartment from Harry. You’d been dating since junior year of high school and from then on it’s only gotten better. You graduated high school and are currently in college studying the art of medicine and the hard work it takes to become a doctor.

Although you attended your college courses on a regular basis, you wanted to get your own job to help Harry with rent. Him and his family were well off, but it didn’t feel right to you unless you helped out. Harry respected that, and found it cute when you folded your arms across your chest, determined to pay.

On your 19th birthday, you’d been dating Harry for now 2 and a half years. He’d taken you out to a romantic dinner where he acted anxious and giddy all night. Before you ordered dessert you couldn’t help but ask what all of the antsyness was about. He took out an envelope and slid it across the table to you. When you opened it you bursted out into happy tears to see a little key and picture of a little apartment addressed to the coast of Florida. “I know you’ve missed your sister since she decided to stay in Florida after graduation, so I thought I’d bring you a little closer to her.” You smiled before kissing him, regardless of all of the people at the restaurant.

But years had now past, and you were on your last year of medical school. Harry made a well living off of his musical career while you soared in your occupation as an editor. Your boss saw great potential in you and gave you a promotion, a beautiful private office overlooking the city and even from a distance, you can see the sparking ocean waves.

There was a knock on your office door, startling you back to realize from your thoughts on the past. “Come in!” You cheered.

Harry walked through the door and your stomach warmed as he smiled at you. He surprised you sometimes at work. Usually he had take out or a new magazine article about you and his relationship. It was always nice to see him walk through the door.

“What are you doing here?” You said in a perky tone. He held nothing in his hands, and the look in his eyes was a different mood than usual.

“What? I can’t visit my beautiful girlfriend at her work?” He smirked, locking your office door behind him. He walked towards you slowly, a certain pep to his step that you recall him having on only specific occasions; when he intentions that you weren’t yet aware of.

“What are you up to?” Your eyes narrowed playfully at him. He kept that same smirk on his face and your stomach twisted at what you anticipated to happen next.

Finally, Harry stood in front of you. He’d made it past your desk and he was spinning your chair around to face him. He leaned down and kissed you. But it was more than just a kiss. It wasn’t the same kiss you’d exchanged before you left for work or when you were about to fall asleep at night. No. This kiss was full of lust and determination. A kiss that only happened when there was so much more to follow.

You pulled away slightly for a only a second. “Harry, I’m at work.” He barely listened, and instead kissed again with all the same force.

“I know, that’s the excitement of it.” He grinned into the kiss. The vibrations of his words tickling your lips.

“What if–”

“I locked the door and told the front desk to hold your calls.” He remarked and you slapped his shoulder playfully.

“Well you made it obvious of your intentions!” You shrieked in embarrassment of the whole company knowing you’d be having sex in your office.

He hushed me a pepper my neck with kisses. “Love, focus on me, your boyfriend who loves you dearly.” You smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Now look down and focus on the bulge in my trousers.” Your eyes widened with your cheeks blushing. “Would you really want to leave your loving boyfriend unsatisfied?”

“I suppose I could never do such a thing.” You giggled biting your lip. “You did drive 45 minutes to see me so this MUST be an emergency.” You teased. You then pulled him down and connected your lips, your fingers tangling in his hair.

He deepened the kiss and grabbed your hips, placing your thighs on either side of his waist.

“Take me,” you whispered, almost out of breath. When you pulled away slightly to rest your forehead on his.
He gazed into your eyes, amazed at how much they managed to sparkle in a dimly lit office. Wrapping his arms around you, kissing you fervently, he lifted you and carried you on top of your desk.

He laid you down gracefully and quickly stepped out of his clothes. You laid there as he hovered over you, kissing every part of your body as he took your clothes one by one.
He was between your legs, about to lick your folds when you moved under him, positioning your face right under his dick.

You instantly stuck him inside your mouth, all the way to the back of your throat. He did not complain of your sudden control, instead he moaned in delight and kissed you where you needed his lips the most.

He got onto the desk with you, laying beneath you so you rested on top, your mouth still secure around his shaft. He was position well enough to take off your last article of clothing, your lace thong. You’d always had a thing for lace so a few months ago for your birthday, Harry surprised you with a variety of lace lingerie. You, of course, we’re happy to wear them, especially in occasions like this.

He nibbled on your clit lightly, his finger pumping in and out of you slowly. You moaned with his cock deep inside your mouth, causing him to hiss from the pleasure.

“You taste so fucking good,” he mumbled, licking your wet pussy. The vibrations from his attempt at conversation increased the sensation he was creating.

He sucked on your clit and harshened the movement of his fingers, causing you to remove him from your mouth.

“Ohh, fuck! I want you inside me!” you cried out, jerking him off with your hand. The pleasure you were experiencing was beginning to be overwhelming and you didn’t want to finish before you even got to feel him, all of him.

You kissed the tip of his cock before you got up to turn and face him. Thankfully he was already laying down on the desk so it wouldn’t be long before you’d be filled up with all of the love and desire you’d anticipated since he walked through the door. His hands were roaming your body, like some shiny new toy.

He couldn’t believe that you were all his. He was the only one who could touch you, and know what makes you scream and moan. He loved that ever since high school, you two were inseparable and nothing would change that. You were his, and he was yours, and the satisfaction of moments like this that you shared together was pure bliss in his eyes.

You straddled him and leaned in for a kiss, rolling your hips a little to rub your wet pussy on his thick hard cock. Harry’s eyes fluttered shut, which boosted your confidence to proceed.

Your lips connected, and like always, fireworks exploded in your tummy and mind. Your lips seemed to mold together every time they touched. It’s almost like you were made for one another. No one was more perfect for Harry than you and no one was completed you more than Harry. You were it for him and he was it for you, there was nothing that could part you. All of your passion and love for each other drained into the single kiss. Your tongues found their ways into your mouths and began to move in slow, caressing movements. Neither of you wanted to ruin the moment, nor end it, so moving slowly was perfect.

Your palms rested on either side of his head while you dipped your head down to his to continue to lock lips. His hands rested delicately onto your naked hips, rubbing his thumbs across your soft skin. The slightest touch from Harry sent you into a fit of goosebumps and arousal. From the simplest back massage to a warm bath together, you were under his spell.

As your kiss somehow seemed to deepen, you felt Harry’s length poke your entrance. Your kiss was broken when he pushed into you steadily. No matter how many times you’d had him, you always had to take a minute to adapt to his size. You let out a sharp hiss of pain, but nothing too painful that would ever make you want to stop. You’d become accustomed to it over the years. Since Harry was the one to take your virginity a few years back, you’d known nothing but the initial pain of his intrusion.

Although pain doesn’t seem pleasurable, with Harry, it was something you couldn’t help but love. It’s not so much the pain you look forward to, but the rush of pure pleasure and ecstasy that follows a few moments after he pushes into you.

The pain didn’t linger long, just like usual. Harry kissed down your neck to make everything feel better. It had always been his way of calming you down. Even when you were a crying mess, he’d embrace you and begin to kiss down your neck, which surprisingly made your tears vanish.

When you’re walls had been stretched and Harry’s kisses built up your strength, you began to slowly move up and down, you let your clit hit his crotch on every thrust.

“Jesus Christ!” he growled. He gripped your hips, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

“Oh fuck, I’m close!” you whimpered, shouting his name repeatedly as you bounce faster. “Fuck, I’m cumm-” you couldn’t finish, your moans drowning out your words as you reached pure ecstasy.
“You feel so good cumming all over my cock,” he panted, sitting up and reaching over to play with your breasts, sucking on it, as you came down from your high.

Although you’d came, you knew Harry could make you come over and over again. “You ready to do it again baby?” He whispered in your ear, his voice husky and short breathed.

You moved to turn your back on him, your knees planted on both sides of his hips and slowly leaned forward, letting his cock go deeper inside you. The position was hard on your knees from the wood of the desk but the pleasure was too heart poundingly good to stop. His hand gripped onto your ass, squeezing them and spreading them wide while you slowly grind circled as you went down on him.

“Fuck, love you’re so good at that,” he , loving the feeling of your wetness wrapped around his cock.
You bounced rapidly, clenching a few times to help him near his climax.

He laid there, loving all the attention from you. His hands pushed your ass forward, increasing the speed of your thrusts. He didn’t hold back his grunts and moans as he called out your name, cumming deep inside your pussy.

When he had caught his breath, he pulled you up and laid you on top of him, holding you close, not wanting to let you move any further away from him. You exchanged a few kisses before resting your head on his dampened chest. He glistened with a thin layer of sweat, his body and eyes twinkling as he looked up at you.

“We better put our clothes on before someone suspects why I’ve kept my door locked so long.” You buried your face in your hands, embarrassed yet pleased with what had just happened.

Harry got off of the desk and began to dress himself, throwing your clothes over to you as well. He kissed you good bye and opened the door and gazed at you with a smile full of love.

“I’ll see you at home tonight.” And you nodded.

“I love you!” You sang in a happy tone.

“I love you too.” He smiled. “Now run a brush threw your hair, it looks like you just had sex.” He winks and leaves with your cheeks flushed.

anonymous asked:

i did not think insecurity would be such a big part of carmilla's character tbh, integendeel, in season 1 i thought they mainly focused on her mysterieus 'i dont give a fuck (except for laura)' attitude, but now we're only 4 episodes in and carmilla seems so insecure. i am not complaining, i love to see new unexpected sides of a character, just an observation i thought i'd share

That’s so lovely to share with me anon! :)

Although I do think it’s not really an unexpected side, because to me, this side is very in character for Carmilla. Agreed, in season one, from 2-19 there’s a focus on Carmilla’s mysterious side, but that’s mostly a narrative choice. Because it’s based of a novella Jordan and Ellen had to play with that. “Is she possibly evil? because she’s totally evil in the novelll~” (that’s what I could remember from this podcast which is an absolute treat to listen to btw!).

I think what Laura says in episode 6 “[you’re] pretending to be cool and disaffected when really you’re just miserable and alone”, although very simplified is one of the core elements of Carmilla’s personality. (Funnily enough, when Carmilla spits out “you’re a child and you understand nothing” is Laura’s simplified core personality). 

Carmilla has been through hell and beyond. She got murdered at 18, has been abused big time by her mother, both physically and emotionally. She has been locked up in a blood-dripping coffin for about 70 years and has been “alive” for over 300 years. That obviously leaves damage.

What’s also important to remember about Carmilla is that she is an existentialist at heart. (simply said, the world has no meaning and you as an individual are supposed to give meaning to whatever the fuck this reality of yours is). I think a part of the fandom characterizes Carmilla as this badass vampire, but to me, Carmilla is very nerdy. When Laura is vlogging? Carmilla is usually reading books. (philosophy books no less, what a nerd) The snark? Comes from those high walls she builds around herself to protect herself. Carmilla is not sentimental, but she’s vulnerable and emotional. She may be 300 years old but inside those walls there’s still that 18-year-old girl. Also she is super lazy and aloof, and all those characterizations may seem like she’s badass and mysterious, but really it comes from a pretty vulnerable place.

What Laura is doing this season is putting Carmilla on a pedestal. Contrary to Laura, Carmilla gives jackshit about “The Greater Good”, she knows there is no such thing. The reason she did it was because the people (I do believe Carmilla cares about LaF and Perry, even though she doesn’t really show it) she cares about got involved, and that’s when it starts to matter to Carmilla. But Laura has the narrative here and puts words in Carmilla’s mouths that are not hers. 

That’s a very uncomfortable position to be in. Laura glorifies Carmilla’s actions and therefore Carmilla and she knows she can’t keep that image up Laura portrays of her, because that’s not her. 

I’m not sure if insecure is the best way to describe Carmilla, but it’s true that she is very openly vulnerable this season (and I’m sure this will come back later in the plot and I suspect it will come back in Carmilla & Mattie’s arc). I’m also sure that it has crossed Carmilla’s mind that this thing she has with Laura right now, could end soon. And that ‘soon’ may be two or three years down the line, which is a perfectly normal for a human romantic relationship in which you can love each other very much, but Carmilla is not human. And I feel this “hero complex” Laura has of Carmilla, combined with “when will I potentially stop being this shiny new toy for you and will my actual nature start bothering you including my massive baggage?” is giving her lots of doubts. As a Hollstein-shipper I definitely want to deny this, but Laura will grow older. And Carmilla will still be trapped, not only in her 18-year-old-body but also in that mindset. Think about it, she’s over 300 years old and still dependent on her mother, because it gives her a narrative in her life, it’s what she knows. That’s actually really sad when you think about it.

I feel like that’s going to be one of the main ‘conflicts’ between Hollstein this season, and I’m both terrified and excited to see it. 

I’m so sorry this got waaay too long. I’ve been working on a massive paper for days and I had to analyze literature and write about it in great detail so I guess I’m still in that mindset… 

if you love me let me go
jean/marco fanmix / cover art by me

sad + one sided longing music, happy birthday jean

This is Gospel - Panic! At the Disco
If I Lost You - Shiny Toy Guns
Lifeline - Imogen Heap
Born to Die - Lana Del Rey
Hum Hallelujah - Fall Out Boy
Carnival of Rust - Poets of the Fall
Wake Up
- Arcade Fire
Magic - Ladyhawke
When You’re Gone - Avril Lavigne
You Can’t Be Missed If You Never Go Away - Cobra Starship
Hands Up - Hedley
I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman - K-Os
Youth Without Youth - Metric
The Truth About Love - P!nk
Ohne Dich - Rammstein
Instant Crush (feat. Julian Casablancas) - Daft Punk
When We Were Lovers - Studio Killers
Lost In You - Three Days Grace
Dancing on my Own - Robyn
Woke Up New - The Mountain Goats

I remember when you saw nothing wrong. You didn’t see my pain. You didn’t see my anxiety. You didn’t see the doubt in my eyes and my heart when you told me I was perfect.

I remember when you saw my laughter in my eyes and in my soul. You didn’t see me searching for a good vein. You didn’t hear me throwing up the meals that I forced myself to eat. You didn’t see me nod off on a street corner. You didn’t hear me say I feel lost, unlovable, and used. I have no laughter in my eyes or my soul. You have no idea. But I do. And that’s all I saw whenever you told me you loved me.

I remember when I was weightless. I remember being alive. And you were there. You were alive, too. We were a living, breathing example of what every love should be like. Now we are hollow. We are needy. We are demanding. We are selfish. We are reeling with emotions yet we are standing still, waiting.

I remember when you found me. You picked me up, dusted me off, and I was your shiny new toy for the taking. And you took me. But where did you take me? Where did we go? I remember feeling at home, but along the way we got lost. We got here lightening fast it seems. But the rainstorm we are stuck in is no longer calming.

I refuse to stand by and watch us destroy ourselves. I refuse to let the thunder in your voice rip out your vocal chords and make you bleed anger. I refuse to let the world around us turn us into something we were never meant for. We were created for each other. Designed to build each other up and once we are built, we are supposed to look at ourselves and our lives intertwined and hold each other together.