i love t shirts that outside world would never understand but tumblr people do

sometimes i think about how many times i’ve said that I can’t wait for the day Paul will admit that he and john had ‘something’, that it will be the day I’ll finally have the ‘proof’ that they were more than just friends.

But now I realize that I don’t need it. I don’t need Paul to tell it, and I don’t need photographs or secret tapes of them to know it. ‘Cause for me is so already blatantly confirmed, that it’s useless to hear Paul McCartney saying it. Maybe you’d say ‘well, it would be great just for the haters. Can you imagine their faces? they would shut up and never stress you out’.  But I don’t care, I don’t care about them, or what they think, that’s not the point.

And you know why? ‘cause I think about Paul. A man whose life is constantly under the thumb of the press and his fans. Everything he does is on the papers or in some instagram photos with funny hashtags. I remember when once I saw a photo of him eating an ice cream, this one:

I saw it on Tumblr. Most people laughed and wrote funny comments, but in my opinion this photo is incredibly sad. This man looks like a monkey in a cage surrounded by visitors in a zoo. it’s embarrassing. He went out and bought an ice cream and suddenly everyone is surrounding him, taking photos, clapping, and shouting at him ‘Paul, say hi!’ ‘Ehi paul, look here, paul!!’ ‘Paul, say cheese’.

And what is his reaction? This one:

He’s like ‘Ehi, take a photo of the ice cream i’m eating, look at it. done? was it funny? did you enjoy it?’

He’s being polite, and even cute, but I’m sure he’s thinking ‘damn it, I can’t even eat a fucking ice cream’.

Wait, I’m not blaming the fans around him. ‘Cause this is the life he chose to live, to give everyone a piece of him. It’s the price of success.

I’m just pointing out that probably, regarding McLennon, it’s good for him if he doesn’t reveal anything.

And you know why? ‘Cause probably tomorrow, if he says that he and John had a very deep relationship, that they had their ups and downs, but always loved each other from the first day they met, and sometimes they experienced sex, the same guy with the pink t shirt that now is taking a photo of him will probably yell ‘fag!!’ at him, or burn the Beatles albums, ‘Cause the idea of john and paul as more than just friends is out of his mind. The same people of the first pictures would probably laugh at him, making some homophobic jokes, offending John, and Paul couldn’t stand it.

So he prefers to take it as a joke, randomly saying that they shared a single bed, sleeping so many times together, and looking ‘shocked’ if someone asks him about john’s sexuality, mumbling the same words he has learnt to say for so many years. ‘Cause sometimes it’s better to tell a lie than to tell a truth and destroy the image that you have built for so many years.

And he has all the rights in this world to not tell one single word about it, cause I understand he would prefer to keep it for himself. (Probably it would be the only thing that he knows and the rest of the world doesn’t.) ‘Cause it’s too important and special, and he prefers to save it from the thousands of articles and books that the world would make, speculating about them just to earn money. Because that’s would be the result of his confession.It would be better for him to keep this far from the zoo of the world outside, in which the press can’t wait to see you falling or failing to make a juicy article about it. They don’t care about feelings, they don’t care about the complexity or the importance and the different levels of the relationship you had with John, the result would be always the same: money.

And, another point, which is the most difficult one is the fan. The fan cannot be ‘betrayed’, you can’t suddenly give them a different image of you and your ‘partner’ (as he loved to call you). ‘Cause the fan, in 50 years, has built an icon, an image of the Beatles, that is so strong that you cannot change it. The icon that the Beatles and the press have created is so big that one little different thing would probably destroy them.

A fan creates an image of the music star that it’s not the REAL one. it will never be. Cause the fan doesn’t talk to Paul, doesn’t live with Paul everyday, the fan knows Paul by the image that he has created for the world outside, which is different by the real one. That’s why when you read something ‘bad’ or ‘unusual’ about your favourite star you feel lost, you feel betrayed and sad. It must have happened at least once in your life. Suddenly your opinion changes, and your minds tries to elaborate what happened, and soon you tries to forget it.

I remember when Paul once made an interview in some USA channel, and they made a rehearsal of it, and when the journalist asked ‘what do you think about John?’ paul answered ‘he was disturbed’.Then they made the final official interview, and Paul answered ‘he was beautiful, he was my hero, he was…..etc.etc..’. And he decided to not say that john was disturbed, (which probably he was a bit and you know it) because fans and journalists would have killed him the next day. ‘Cause John’s death has made him become some sort of a saint that talked about peace and love everyday of his life. Which is not true. And you all know it.

So sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut ‘cause it would put you in troubles and make no difference anyway. The only satisfaction Paul would get is from the journalists that have always portrayed his relationship with John as constantly competitive and a mix of jealousy and hate.

When it was nothing but a love affair in which two people were too scared to tell how much they loved and needed each other. And the world hasn’t understood it yet.